>

I really don’t get how it’s rude to ask who the father is. As OP said, clearly, you didn’t get pregnant alone… in my opinion, I think the only people who are afraid to speak about the child’s father, or get offended when you ask are women who are pregnant by deadbeats or married men. Because asking who the father is it is not that serious.
LOL congratulations on posting an actual “unpopular opinion”. These replies are hilarious >

I love it when this happens. The thread just goes up in flames and it's nice to see the worst of humanity from time to time. >

Trust me buddy if you think this the worst of humanity you been living a pretty good ignorant life keep it that way >

it was very obviously a hyperbole >

Unrelated, but there's just something fun about pronouncing hyperbole as "hyper-bowl" >

And doing it with confidence…I love being condescendingly, intentionally wrong. “Umm, I believe it’s pronounced ‘hyper-bowl’” >

It's also fun to say to a buddy when he says his wife is pregnant. >

"Raise it as if it's your own" >

"What?! I'm to be saddled with this misshapen...fine, then. But let him live with you here, in the church." >

“Maybe this foul creature may yet prove one day to be, of use… to me.” >

"And so he gave the child a name. A cruel name which means 'half-formed': Quasimodo."
"Now here is a riddle to guess if you can,"
Sing the bells of Notre Dame,
"Who is the monster and who is the man?"
Sing the bells, bells, bells, bells, bells, bells,
Belllllllls oooooooof Noooooooootreeeeeeee
Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame! >

Favourite Disney soundtrack by a mile. >

Say "your husband!" If you want to stir the pot >

if its a guy. go surprise its yours. >

Lol that would never work on a redditor >

Just say you stole his laundry. >

Socks in particular >

We have a "side family member"(ex-son-in-law's sister) for whom the question was definitely asked and led to a whole ass mess because of who the father was. >

Was it the ex-son in law?
I feel that that is big enough to cause some controversy. >

No. Even ex-son-in-law isn't that stupid.  It was a man who was reproductive abuser, she wasn't supposed to be seeing him while she lived with her parents and he was married to someone else. She has finally gotten her act together and he has moved elsewhere if he isn't dead from his heart condition. As matter of fact, my daughter tells me that now that he is out of his ex-wife's life, her life has turned around 100% for the better for both her and their kids. >

Reproductive abuser? My mind has gone wild with speculations lol >

The only conclusion I can come to is that he purposefully seduces someone to mother his kid, perhaps promising that he'll always be there forever ever and then bails when kid is born. >

Some people definitely have a breeding fetish >

Just dont follow up with "shit, you gonna keep It?", Whatever the answer is. >

After some crazy fertility issues, and 11 years of marriage, I called my sister to tell her I was finally pregnant. Her response “oh shit, you gonna keep it?” My absolute favorite response of anyone. >

"...yeah" >

This makes me recall an office conversation where a colleague announced that she was expecting. After the round of congratulations a guy asked her whose is it. The expecting mother was a bit taken aback by the question but still managed “my husband’s”. This guy, a non-native english speaker asked again “No, I mean boy or girl?”. 
The moment was hilarious. >

It depends on how you ask.

So who's the dad?

Unacceptable, rude, intrusive.

Who's nut dripped on your butt?

Polite, respectful, keeps the focus on the moment. >

Bespoke >

Perchance. >

You can't just say perchance >

Perchance they may? >

Mayhaps >

Verily >

No real need to ask. I'm usually the dad.
You're welcome. >

Can you pay me child support then? >

Get in line. He owes me. >

Our child support >

Comrade dad >

COMDAD! >

r/unexpectedcommunism >

If she's married or in a relationship, it certainly is. >

There are exactly two possible scenarios here:
1) She is married or in a serious relationship where the answer should be obvious. You either look like an idiot, or an asshole implying that she cheated or something.
2) There is no obvious candidate for the father, or you are not close enough to her to be confident if there is. There are a lot of possibilities here, nearly all of them either draw attention to the expecting mother's non-tradtitional situation, start a difficult and personal story about the expecting mother's personal life that lead her to this place, or both.
OP is playing a losing game. Just say "congrats" and move on with your like like the rest of us. >


2) There is no obvious candidate for the father

3) There are many obvious candidates >


3) There are many obvious candidates

"so which member of the Wu Tang Clan is it?"
"9 is a lot" >

I'M THIRTY-SEVEN?! >

"In a row?" >

Always ask who the mother is. >

Or ask the pregnant mother "are you sure it's yours?" >

I’m pregnant 
WHO IS THE SEED BEARER, I MUST HAVE THEIR NAME. >

I’m mean the seed bearer would be You as you’re pregnant.
We gotta find out the cow that plowed your field to sow his oats, duuuh. 
(Big old /s) >

… bull >

A truly unpopular opinion- well done. >

I feel like OP the type to walk in your room without knocking >

They wanna know who the father is. What better way than to witness the conception? >

peeks into orifice
writes on clipboard >

Maybe they give out stars for performance and volume of seed >

Well, that’s one way to make sure you aren’t invited to many baby showers. Lol. >

That's perfect. I'm going to have to start doing this. >

Depends on who's asking.  Acquaintance?  Nah it's rude.  Immediate family?  Yes it's a fair question. >

Nah if you're announcing unprovoked that someone came inside you, I'm entitled to ask who. >

There it is. Logic I can't refute >

My problem is when someone you know but don't overly care about mentions it, like a coworker you talk to every other day.  I REFUSE to go with the normal "OMG, CONGRATS!"  Nope.  Sorry, getting pregnant is not a challenge for a lot of people.  If you are not financially well, even more reason for me to not say congrats.  Oh, I'm suppose to say congrats because she made a massive mistake and is scared.  Nope. >

Upvoted because this is genuinely a good one. If you have to ask you already know you shouldn't be asking. >

“if you aren’t in a committed relationship this kind of question has to be asked?”  
why tho? >

So we can judge >

Seriously though some of the comments about single mothers on this thread are disgusting and getting up votes. One guy is sitting at 10 up votes right now for saying single moms are disgusting and hurting society. There's another person saying women who don't know who the father is are terrible that's getting up votes along with people saying women need to held accountable. >

single mothers aren't bad people. 
Is that single motherhood is just an hurtful phenomena that prevalent is the west especially USA.
Like see the crimes rate and poverty rate and sucidie rate and college drop out rates of people who were raised by single mothers. 
These statistics are always sad and depressing .
Like this is extremely an important problem in the African American community but you're afraid of talking about it for no reasons. >

Yeah, it's great that we've made it socially acceptable to be a single mother (for the most part) as it's bad to have people in an abusive relationship just because they're be judged for not being with their husband, but we've kinda glorified being a single mother rather than trying to work out issues and have a traditional family.  We ignore any issues that come as a result, and depending on where you live those issues are addressed differently, from what I see it's screaming racism at anyone pointing out the issue or throwing money at the single mothers to help them, which is a good thing but comes with the flip side of further incentivizing it. I hope someone smarter than me can figure out something to do about this whole thing >

I can see how it would come across as rude, but I do think it depends on your relationship with the person. Generally if I find out someone is pregnant and I don’t know who with, my first question is usually a “oh wow! How are you feeling about it?” 
That usually guides the conversation from there. It’s not always a happy thing for people, and sometimes they’re just sharing news without actually sharing enthusiasm. Lets me walk on eggshells and gauge whether or not it’s ‘okay’ to enquire further. I do think it’s ruder with randoms, much more acceptable with people you know, but still entirely dependent on the relationship between you and the pregnant person. 
That said - beyond finding out how someone feels about their pregnancy, I don’t really care about any of the further details. I’ll provide support regardless of how they feel about it, but if they’re happy - great, I’m happy right along with you! If they’re unhappy - how can I help, what can I do for you? That’s all that matters to me. ¯_(ツ)_/¯ >

You can tell who has an upper middle class upbringing and who doesnt >

How so? Spell it out, I'm class ignorant >

Most women in upper middle class + don't have children out of wedlock.
According to a 2011 study, 74% of women without a college degree had children out of wedlock whereas only 12% of births to women with a degree were out of wedlock.
Now, we know college degree doesn't garuntee an upper middle class life, but we can infer a lot from what we do know about income and education
Edit: the idea you'd ask "Who's the father" doesn't really resonate with people whose parents are married, whose friends are married, and whose lifestyle/culture is surrounded by those in similar income brackets. >

Brilliantly put, thanks. And wow, that is a yawning gap - nay, a gaping chasm that separates education and bearing children out of wedlock. Highlights the massive socioeconomic inequality in our society. > >

You’re absolutely free to ask. 
And they’re absolutely free to tell you to stick your huge fucking nose somewhere else. >

If information is not freely offered to you.. maybe there’s a very clear reason lmao >

lso, In my opinion, if you aren't in a committed relationship, the question kinda has to be asked.
​
Does it? Does it really have to be asked? Why would you think it's any of your business? >

Really, who is this self appointed inquisitor? How much of their time do they spend asking irrelevant and unwelcome questions? >

If they wanted you to know they would have told you >

Im sorry, thats not how it works. Here is what mature adults do:
1) Dont even start conversations that you arent ready to talk through completely from 0 to 100. >

Well this is truly an unpopular opinion, congratulations. I do have to ask you, though, when you say the question has to be asked... why?! What business is it of yours? >

If a friend tells me she’s pregnant and has never told me she was seeing someone or was in a relationship, how she got pregnant would be my knee jerk reaction. >

I think they meant like why do you need to. We all understand the knee jerk reaction to want to ask, but I wouldn’t say it’s required of me. Like if my friend says they’re moving (a situation where it’s socially acceptable to ask why) I wouldn’t need to ask why. 
If that makes sense? Not arguing about whether asking or not is appropriate cause I think that’s your own opinion. I don’t think you need to ask though. You won’t be verbally attacked if you don’t. I understand curiosity but we don’t have to. Sorry to go on I wasn’t sure if I was being confusing.
Edit: I love the people putting words in my mouth. I never said that people can only ask if it’s necessary. Saying it’s not a need is not the same as saying not allowed. I understand it can be easy to assume that anyone saying a broad statement must believe the worst when it comes to specifics but cmon…stop making strawmen to knock down. It’s up to your friend if it’s rude. I don’t know you people. >

You don't need to, but you can feel curious and ask it. If she feels uncomfortable sharing she can just say that and conversation over. >

That’s what I just said. But I guess you agree that you don’t need to ask. You want to ask and that’s fine, I don’t know your friends, live your life fam >

Why are you assuming that OPs friend NEEDed to tell her she was pregnant? Sounds like she WANTed to. But you're criticizing OP because according to you, she's only allowed to say things you've determined she needs to say. Maybe the pregnant woman could shutup about things that aren't necessary as well? >

I really hope if I have a child via sperm donor I get asked this so I can say “I don’t know!” and watch the horror on everyone’s face until I reveal I used donor sperm.
I’d probably get disowned for an afternoon but man, it would be legendary. >

If you are not close with the women then it is 100% rude and none of your business.. 
If you’re close with her, then it’s valid. >

If you’re close with her, she’ll tell you. There’s never a time it isn’t rude to ask. Friends just get a pass because they’re friends. It’s always rude. >

Why is it rude? Like is it a sensitive topic or something. "This guy tom" "oh cool, congrats" it just doesn't seem like a big deal lol. >

It’s inherently rude because of the nature of it. Similar to how it’s common but rude to ask newly weds when they’re going to have a baby, etc. What someone does intimately is not your business unless they decide to share it. That’s the bottom line. You can ask if you want but it’s a private interaction between people that you weren’t included in. You can also ask people what position they were fucking in when they got pregnant - you can ask, but it’s rude and weird. >

I had no idea this was so controversial. >

Everything is controversial in 2022. >

I don’t think it’s the rudest question but don’t get pissed when they refuse to answer. That’s an incredibly personal question to ask someone and it’s really no one’s business but them, also that’s not something you really need to know >

Not to mention mothers to be get harshly judged on everything. Honestly I'd just stick to tried and true questions and responses. Asking who the father is especially with a bunch of people around puts them on the spot and refusing to answer will give people an idea it's a bad situation. >

Who even cares unless there's child support on the line >

That’s another unpopular opinion 😂 >

The question absolutely doesn't need to be asked. You already hit it on the head in the first sentence. It's none of your business >


Also, In my opinion, if you aren't in a committed relationship, the question kinda has to be asked.

No not really, if they want you to know who the father is they'll tell you. >

If she is married, it might be in poor taste. >

As a joke it's funny, but OP doesn't mean as a joke so.. >

Solid unpopular opinion.  
As a guy, the only time I have any interest at all about who the father is, is if I have had relations with the woman in the past several months.
Otherwise it's none of my business and I don't really care a whole lot.
Although I figure a woman can get by asking that way easier than a guy could. >


the question kinda has to be asked

No, it literally doesn't HAVE TO be asked, you just want to ask really bad because you're a nosy bastard, there is no HAS TO. >

I wouldn’t have a kid unless I was married, but if someone asked me this I would give an obnoxious answer. Be like nahhh Santa is the baby daddy. People have gotten way too comfortable feeling entitled to know personal things about someone. >

Why does the “question kinda need to be asked”? What business is it to you? Does the answer bear any relevance to you? What will the impact be on the other person? What will the impact be on your relationship? Consider both your intent and potential impact and decide wisely. >

Gossips need gossip to share. >

If the woman doesn’t tell you who the father is when it’s not clear then that’s a pretty big clue that she doesn’t want to share that information yet, if at all. >


Also, In my opinion, if you aren't in a committed relationship, the question kinda has to be asked.

Why? Why does it have to be asked? >

r/sociallyineptopinions >

"if you aren't in a committed relationship, the question kinda has to be asked."
except it doesn't... thats just an argument you make to justify being nosey >

If it isn’t apparent who the father is, I would say that’s just in poor taste. >


Is it your business, no, sure, but you didn't magically get pregnant.

How does that make it any of your business?

if you aren't in a committed relationship, the question kinda has to be asked.

No, it doesn't. It's none of your business.
If someone announces they are pregnant and doesn't volunteer the identity of the father without being asked, then guess what? It's none of your fucking business. I have no idea why some people feel so entitled to other people's privacy. >

I think context is important.
If you're announcing you're pregnant at a workplace because  maternity leave and logistics issues, then sure; its inappropriate to ask who the father is.
If you're announcing among friends at a social gathering that you're pregnant or you're doing it in a space where its not relevant, then you shouldn't be upset if they ask curious follow up questions.
If your pregnancy is not relevant to the situation and you don't want people asking questions, then don't announce it. >


If your pregnancy is not relevant to the situation and you don't want people asking questions, then don't announce it.

People have to announce pregnancies sooner or later, though. Like, it's not something you can typically hide, so your assumption that privacy is a permanent option on that front is woefully misguided.
If someone thinks they are close enough to a person to ask who the father is, then they should do so privately. Even if you think the mother-to-be is comfortable sharing that info with the group of friends, think again; we all have certain people in our lives we want to keep certain info from, and it's not hard to be considerate of that. >

Solidly terrible opinion. Have an upvote. >

If someone asks a married couple who the father is, the implication is that the wife cheated. It's crazy you think that's an appropriate question, but I'm just wondering what prompted this post. Did you recently ask that??? >

Dude this happened to me recently with my grandpa when I told him we were expecting.  
He just goes, “I assume it’s your husbands?” 
Like???? I’ve been married for nearly five years at this point. Why on earth would I approach my grandfather of all people to tell him about my pregnancy if it was the result of an affair?? Just a straight up weird comment to make at all. >

I wouldn't have been brave enough to say anything clever myself, but it would've been pretty funny to say something like "I'm not really sure, but I've at least narrowed it down to one of 7 men based on the timeline" just to see his reaction lol. >

I’m usually pretty sassy but I think the implication just threw me off so hard that I was just like “yeah… it’s my husbands…” I really should have said what you suggested, he probably would have gotten a kick from it. >

Considering that Maury Povich still has a show says everything >

Who asks shit like this.  Congrats is all that’s required, no need to probe >

I feel like a lot of people don't realize that small talk usually implies that it's none of your business; you're just curious.
To me, asking who the dad is is like asking where someone's from, or what their favorite food is. I suspect, if someone gets upset by this question, either the asker has a poor tone or the askee is overly sensitive. >

I think the thing is either they’re in a committed relationship in which case it’s weird to or their not and your very obviously opening a unpleasant can of worms there
I view it more like asking someone who mentions a step parents why their parents split up than asking someone something simple like what’s their favourite food. Like it goes beyond small talk into prying. >

I think questions like these are usually asked because the person asking is genuinely curious, or because it’s, well, appropriate for the situation. People need to stop labeling everything as rude/problematic straight off the bat… >

Rude is subjective. >

Since I’m still young and naïve I need someone to explain to me why asking somebody this would be considered rude or uncouth. I honestly don’t get it, it seems harmless?? >

Couple reasons. Women, particularly single mothers are judged harshly when it comes to parenthood. You can see people all through this post saying single moms disgusting or that they hate single moms, you'll also see them called irresponsible and kther shit. Guys never blamed. Admitting your a single parent can bring in lots of judgement and gossip. There's already so much shaming in this thread, why open up to more when you didn't do anything morally wrong.
There could be circumstances they don't want to discuss for whatever reason. If you're close enough to the parent you'd know who the dad is. This is especially true for pregnant women escaping abusive relationships. Parentage can be a personal topic. >

I think it’s rude to get pregnant.  Way to tell everyone that you had sex exactly how long you’ve been pregnant for ago.  Same with birthdays.  “By birthday is September 3rd” way to tell everyone that your parents probably had sex on new years day”. >

So... If it's husband/boyfriend, it's a given (or should be lol), if it isn't... That's awkward as hell cause at best it's some guy your fooling around with who very well may not take responsibility, can only get worse from there. I'll stick to "congrats" lol >

I would only ever care to ask if the woman was close to me. Like a friend or family member. In which case we’d be close enough that it would actually be appropriate to ask. If she’s just an acquaintance or coworker, it’s not my business and I wouldn’t care anyway >

I wouldn't care enough to ask. >

I’m thinking that you’re referring to random people on your social media, and not close friends or family of yours.
If you’re speaking to the former; why do you care? You said it yourself - it’s quite literally none of your business. If the person in question is not close enough to you to divulge that information, then you have zero business involving yourself in it. 
Congrats on a truly unpopular opinion, being intrusive is rude - who raised you Lolol >

"the question kinda has to be asked."
Really? I could care less unless it's someone close. >

Idk, I was married for five years when I got pregnant and still got asked. (Yes, it was my husband's child and I was not sleeping around.) >

Lol I have to remember this whenever a woman I know gets pregnant....... it's the ultimate way to call a woman a HO or a cheater........I can't stop smiling......
Hey,I hear your pregnant...do you know who the father is?.... >

Yeah of course! No one needs to know anything about what’s going on in your life, it’s your life! But If you don’t feel comfortable disclosing that to people who’s opinions should matter to you (family, friends, not strangers) then why would you be in that position anyways? If you’re just a surrogate, or decided to go your own way then just say that who cares? But if there’s another reason you’re afraid to say it, then you’ve already judged yourself. >

If you're not close enough to know you ain't close enough to ask >

If you aren't friendly enough with the person to know who the father is the it's most likely none of your damn business in the first place. >

I would take great pleasure in keeping it a secret from anyone who asked, just to annoy their entitled ass. >

Unpopular because it’s stupid >

The woman should reply “I am, until a suitable candidate is found.”
Fatherhood is about more than genetics. >

If you're not close enough to them for them to voluntarily share that with you, then it's really none of your god damned business.
If it's, like, your sister or best friend or daughter or whatever, it's fair game, potentially.
Like a lot of "opinions" in thus subreddit, context and specifics are key, and this lacks both.  
Are you talking about just Jan from Accounting or the lady who makes your coffee at the local coffee shop?  Or, are we talking about your sister or a situation where your ex wife is suddenly pregnant like 2 months after your separation and you're trying to hammer out a custody agreement for your existing kids? 
Context is everything and may make the difference in your being a complete jackass or a reasonably concerned person. >

Like with any detail of her pregnancy, it depends how well you know her and where you are when you Ask.
If its your best friend and in private, its not rude at all. If its someone you've just met in a very public setting, it might be. >

Not my circus not my monkeys >

Why wait until she's pregnant? Just go up and ask anybody who they've been having sex with. >

Thinking that it isn’t rude won’t stop other people from thinking that you are rude ^(?????)

but you didn’t magically get pregnant. 

Whoa there… how’d you figure that one out? Other than just satiating your curiosity, what is the purpose in asking? What do you gain from knowing who the father is?

if you aren’t in a committed relationship, the question kinda has to be asked.

For what reason? Do you plan on taking up childcare responsibilities? Or do you just want to gossip?
Unless you have some personal stake in someone else’s pregnancy, you really don’t have any business to be asking. If they don’t tell you on their own volition, then they’re not ready to tell you, OR they don’t feel comfortable telling you. By asking, you’re putting them in a position where they’re forced to give you some kind of answer. That answer is going to be uncomfortable for that person regardless if they decide to tell you who the dad is or not. That’s what makes it rude. >

jeez iv never once thought lemme ask this pregnant chick who the daddy is. like what i do care? >

The question is: should you ask before or after you ask if they’re keeping it? >

I’d say asking who the father is could come off as at a little low brow. I think it’s better to ask in what position the child was conceived. >

Great statement. Upvote! >

It would only be rude to someone that is offended by the question because they 
A. don’t know who the father is
B. don’t like the father 
C. is ashamed of not being in a committed relationship but being pregnant
D. just wants to be offended >

Mary would like a word. >

I do think it is rude. Unless you have reason to believe the father is your spouse or significant other, why on earth is it any of your business? >

My friend gets this rude question and she answers so bluntly honest that people regret it immediately. >

That’s an actual unpopular opinion since it’s none of your business >

This is the woman looking into her neighbor's windows. >

Same. I even asked my wife that question. >

Do you want a global religious death cult that uses torture devices as a symbol .... cause this is how you get a global religious death cult that uses torture devices as a symbol >

I'll bet you're tons of fun at parties. >

How is it not rude? It’s literally no one’s business besides the mother and the father. >

When your unpopular opinion will most likely cause issues, it’s a bad one. >

It's an unpopular opinion, and I hope if you ever ask the woman responds something that makes you look like a total ass. >

If you don't know and you ask what do you expect thr response to be? Oh its this guy I was seeing who ghosted me when I told him I was pregnant. Like how the fuck do you respond to that? 
Just say congrats and I hope you have a happy and healthy pregnancy than move on. Not sure why someone would want to remind a pregnant women of a stressful situation they're dealing with to satiate curiosity. >

I was more thinking "I don't actually know, I was gang raped. The cops haven't caught them, so no one to test"
You know something that really makes you look like an ass.
Though I'd probably respond "it's Elon Musk's, he donated his sperm and paid for the IVF" >

This mostly depends on your relationship to the woman. If you're a family member or close friend, and the woman isn't in a committed relationship, then it is fine to ask the question. 
With that said, if she is not married (or in a committed relationship) there are probably some uncomfortable conversations you should have had before she got pregnant. >


Also, In my opinion, if you aren't in a committed relationship, the question kinda has to be asked. 

Well no, it doesn't. Because it's not your business lmao >

This.. This is so stupid. It is none of your business. So no. it doesn't "have to be asked". >

I feel like it will be obvious who the dad is or obvious it’s a sensitive subject. 
The only reason I see to ask is if your someone like the grandparents who may need to financially and otherwise support more if there is no present dad.
Also valid if you may be the dad >

It makes it sound like you think she sleeps around. >

Hoes mad in here >

I didn't know it was not ok to ask.  Why isn't it?  
what is the societal standard of polite behavior that says it's not ok to ask who this person is having a child with? >

Because if they’re in a committed relationship you’re implying the father might not be their partner and if they’re not then well not only is it still often looked down upon to have a kid outside of a committed relationship but it often is a pretty difficult situation for the mother regardless and they probably don’t want to get into a conversation about that >

...I'm giving myself permission to be an offensive prick, proactively. >

I love that everyone says "it's none of your business to ask for who the father is" but to be honest, it's also not in our interest to know that someone is pregnant >

Can't really hide a pregnancy forever. If people don't find out by the time you're 9 months pregnant, they will find out when you're lugging a kid around everywhere.