>

My kids are now adults and this drives me nuts. I get that they have SO’s and that’s fine and all. But I can’t even text them in private anymore because everything ends up in the SO ear too. Or even something simple like “would you like to go on a walk this weekend?” Means everyone has to tag along. Would be nice to have some alone one on one time with them.
I don’t know how I feel about this I will have to wait to my wife wakes up and ask her. >

Whoa boy did you just post before or after clearance? My partner said ok to this post.
Partner’s signature. >

After a two step verification with my wife all I’m allowed to say is: you should already know. >

I've been with my wife for 10 years now. She knows all my friends and I know hers. We all get together for parties, burthdays, etc...But no way in hell would she want me coming to her girl hang outs, and i dont want her to come golfing and drink beer with the guys.
I think its so important to maintain individuality in a relationship. Couples that are completely dependent on each other creep me out >

Super agree. My husband and I are really open about needing breaks from each other, in a loving respectful way. Which makes the time we spend together even better. Also when we do attend parties together—our shared goal is to socialize with other people. Couples who go to parties and only talk to each other bug the crap out of me (with the exception of very new relationships, when that behavior’s understandable). >

depends on the context. an invitation to a party/social gathering? why would i not bring my husband?? an invitation for just you and me to lunch? well, yeah i think that’s sort of a given lol >

I had a friend who world bring her husband on what used to be girl nights. he was an asshole and an immigrant to my country who liked talking shit about the country too. I tolerated him because he was important to my friend, but some friends stopped contact with her cause they couldn't stand him and she would never go anywhere alone anymore. The divorce after 10 years and a kid and it turned out he was controlling and borderline abusive >

I find that really funny because I go to all of the girls nights because I'm actually invited. It's my wife that started to get annoyed I was usually there so she didn't feel like she could bitch about me. >

Invited is fine, of couse. But it was something we did from high school and the first time she brought him along we were shocked. She said he feels lonely, which I found understandable at the time, as he moved from abother county. But now I think that inviting them both to bigger events when the group gets together and keeping the girls nights as girls nights should have been enough >

When I first got with my husband I would check with my friends if he was invited since it's an otherwise all-female friend group. They always said "yes, of course, why wouldn't he be?!". I'm glad I have friends who want to include him and get to know him. >

As a male, I feel like females are more welcoming in terms of having a guy present. Where as for guys, they prefer “bro” time because you have to keep some level of composure around females >

I disagree. It's annoying when someone always needs to bring their SO. I wanna have girl talk sometimes and always bringing a guy is ruining it. >

Maybe I’m just outspoken as I tend to just be in the background and not say much hence why they don’t care lol >

To be fair, all you said was "more welcoming" which is probably true of women in general in any scenario. I just think women also want to have their own time. We will put up with the friend who always brings the guy, but we'll also have actual girl time without her. >

Most people in long term relationships assume an invite to one is an invite to both because that's how most people do actually invite them. Pretty easy problem to solve though, you just need to be clear in the invite. E.g. "hey, I feel like we haven't gotten a chance to hang one on one in ages - miss you, how about lunch next xyz?"
Rather than hate people's partners also wanting to spend time getting to know you, maybe just put a bit more effort into clear communication. >

I work 70-80 hour weeks and don’t get to spend a lot of time with my significant other, so if someone invites me to do something in the little time I have off, of course I’m brining my significant other unless asked not to. She wants to spend time with me to. >

Yeah, I literally get one full day with my SO I’m going to spend time with them that day >

If it’s a group event - we usually both get invited anyway. 
If I’m going to see one of my mates for a catch up or vice versa with him then no we don’t go. He just went out with his colleagues for drinks and I didn’t go. >

Agree with what everyone else here says. Also, you’re a fool if you don’t think they’re telling their significant other everything that happens/was said, so your personal information concern is pretty moot tbh lol >

Yea definitely. If they’re in a relationship you really need to preface it with “don’t tell xyz” >

And if you have to prefix it with ”don’t tell your partner”, you probably shouldn’t tell them at all. >

if you find yourself keeping secrets, it’s usually a red flag to yourself that you’re doing crappy things, or need to learn to be more comfortable with yourself, or need to stop gossiping. >

That's... kind of a bizarre take. Friends talk to each other about personal things. Like, my husband doesn't need to know that my best friend from high school is dealing with unpleasant IBS symptoms. That's not gossip or anyone doing anything wrong, it's just personal. Keeping that to myself is just common decency. >

yeah, sure. i guess my take is more about, if you find yourself doing things that you don’t want people to know about, then you probably shouldnt be doing those things. either that or own them. >

What kind of bearing does that have on not sharing your friend's secret or sensitive information with your partner, though? That's not "doing things you don't want people to know about," it's not gossiping to your partner by blabbing all your friend's info to them. >

don’t tell your partner but i cheated in my bf last night.
don’t tell your partner but i heard sally stole money from her parents.
don’t tell your partner but i play dungeons and dragons on the weekends.
i mean, use your imagination. if you have to preface something with don’t tell anyone, it might be something you should stop and think about. >

Not all secrets/private matters are negative or destructive to others. It's kind of a given that you share more information with your friends than strangers or acquaintances. 
Is it not just simpler to keep things between the person who has built a form of trust with you than completely cut off the aspect of sharing intimate information? Sometimes we share things as a form of help and emotional support. It doesn't have to become a form of moral policing. >

what helped me become a better person may not make sense to you.
for me it comes down to—be the person you want people to think you are, and you will have very few if any secrets.
people wear masks, and front for people, they posture, and try to impress, hide things they are embarassed about, and imo its a negative thing that occupies many people’s minds, making them not their true selves, filling them with worries, and the fakeness is sensed by the people around them. another way to put it is if you are comfortable with yourself, people will be comfortable with you—even if you have IBS.
if none of this makes sense to you, thats fine. but you don’t have to shit on people’s philosophies. no one is “moral policing” you. >

It’s so weird that this is unpopular. Do people here have separation anxiety from their partners? Each person likely had friends before that they don’t see as often anymore. It’s so weird that people would be upset thinking people are ‘bitter’ because they still are able to enjoy time with just their friends. I don’t know anyone who would disagree with poster. 
Some people/partners just need better socialization. If your partner has to be with you every time you go out, there’s likely deeper issues. 
Also recognize it’s not like a ‘they never want to see the partner’. The complaint is ‘we never get to see just their friend. >

Yes, exactly. Friendships are relationships that need to be maintained, too. That means you sometimes need to make time for just your friend, just like you sometimes need to make time for just your partner. It's not that you can never combine the two, but doing it all the time means that at least one, if not both, is probably never being prioritized. It's not that partners can never do things with the other partner's friends or that you hate them, but one on one or just the friend group is a different dynamic than including people who don't have the same shared history. 
Also, couples can have different socialization styles. I prefer one on one or small groups, personally. Walking into a room of my four closest friends as opposed to a room with my four closest friends and their partners - those are very different experiences. The second one is intimidating. Even if I know and like their partners, that's just a lot to take in at one time, and if I have to further divide my attention so that my partner is getting some of it too, that's even more. It's exhausting to me. I'd rather hang out with just my four friends this time, and maybe with my partner and one friend with their partner another time, and me+friend one-on-one another time, and just me+partner sometimes, and so on. That way I can focus on one or a couple of people and not feel pressured to be all the things to 9 different humans all at once. I have to break it down. My husband, though... He likes big groups. He'd rather hang out with 20 people all at once and somehow doesn't have a problem being in the middle of all these people. Which is fine, just not for me. I like his friends well enough individually, but in a group like that? That's even worse than my friends+ their partners. I can do a party like once in a blue moon or something, but I'm not putting myself through that regularly. It takes way too much time to get back the mental energy that gets spent in a gathering like that. But he gets something from those situations that I just don't, they perk him up. It just makes more sense for us to not socialize together all the time - we need very different things. 
I'm also bothered by the "it's normal to share information your friends tell you with your partner," people. Um, no? I mean, obviously it's not like everything a friend says to you is a state secret... but some things are. You don't go home and tell your partner that this friend is struggling with her mental health or that one is thinking about leaving her husband or whatever. That information was only intended for you unless explicitly stated otherwise. Unless all you ever talk about with your friends is small talk about the weather and where you're going on vacation - then I guess, yeah, share whatever. But telling your partner things that were said in confidence or were obviously sensitive in nature is a good way to stop being someone's trusted friend. If they wanted your partner to have that info, they'd tell him themselves or let you know. >

I agree with you. Especially on the last paragraph.
I see several people here agreeing that others are "fools" for confiding secrets in friends who have partners. Like what? I'm sorry but the person who confides is not a fool. On the other hand, I actually think the person who tells their partner all the sensitive secrets of a friend is the a-hole here. You definitely have some other issues if you literally cannot keep your mouth shut at any time. For example, let's say my best friend whom I've always trusted and confided in has now found a partner, does that mean I have to find new friends to share feelings with? Suddenly I "lost" a friend because they have a partner? That makes no sense. Responsibility towards your partner and your friend(s) are different things that need to be upheld separately. You can't just break your friend(s)' trust for the sake of being close to your partner, sharing everything in world etc.
Besides, what happens when you break up? I mean seriously, people don't like mentioning break-ups, but this happens a lot of the time. There are people who stick to their partner like glue, prioritizing their partner over friends, then when the relationship goes south, suddenly their friends become "valuable" again for whatever reason. It's selfish and a crappy move honestly. >

Yeah I don't get that. If they're arguing not keeping secrets from their parter, come on. That applies to YOUR personal information. Not any and every person who confides something in you. >

The amount of people that are socially codependent on their SO is unsettling. I love my husband, but it's important to us to have time with others as individuals. 'Me' time is just as important as 'we' time in a healthy relationship. >

Im huge on individualism and maintaining your own interpersonal relationships while you are in a romantic relationship...
I once dated a girl who INSISTED i came with her to all HER friends' events... I wasnt a huge fan of her type of circle, they were kinda shallow, popular girls with not much substance to them... I would beg her to just have a fun night out with her girls, and Ill just go to my best buds house and have some beers...  She would get mad, and accuse me of not caring about her feelings... Needless to say, that relationship didnt last long... 
So Im a firm believer that we dont need to drag our partners everywhere with us... >

To be fair a persons friends say a lot about them.
I will counter that ideally you and your partners friends would get along. Thats a sign of long term compatability. In this scenario I would say you would actually enjoy spending time with her and her friends. Even to the point that well…maybe both friend groups could intermingle. >

I've dated women where I have gotten a long great with their friend circle, and vice versa. Even where my buds would ask "dude, wheres so and so? You should have brought her!" 
But I also think we had a healthy amount of seperate activities as well. I guess its all about balance.... >

I think it’s fine to bring your S/O along if they asked their group friends or friend if it’s okay. It’s rude imo to just bring someone without even asking- no matter if it’s their S/O or another friend. >

Our gf group now always gets includes husbands.  It’s annoying and changes the whole dynamic. >

You can plan just girl events right? My wife does it with her friends, I’ve done it with my male friends,. >

It always starts as a girls outing, but morphs into couples.  Actually, the girls were friends before the guys. >

If you’re a female inviting another female (works other way round, too), then just give a clue like “let’s have a girls night out”. I personally do that. But if you’re inviting your friend of the opposite gender, don’t expect their SO to not be interested in coming >

So just ask them to come alone? I mean...it's not that hard. >

I’m 100% on board with making plans for a guys night/girls night, no SOs allowed; but it can’t be every event or even most of them in my opinion.  
I just had a guys night with my dad and uncle, planning a bachelor party for my friend right now.  My wife has girls nights monthly, I’ll even drive her and pick her up if she’s drinking. 
But excluding the SO from everything is a recipe to either sabotage the relationship, or your friendship. >

Where are they asking to be excluded from everything?  They even said "never get to see just their friend" not always must leave partner at home.   They just sometimes would like to hang out with their friend one on one. >

The way I read OPs post is whenever they make plans, they are always upset with the fact a SO wants to come along. It gives me the impression they do not want any SOs around; but they come to Reddit to complain instead of asking for alone time with friends. >

I agree. That mentality seems troublesome to me. What was the point of finding someone to spend your life with if you don't actually want to be around them or if your friends throw a fit because they aren't the center of your attention anymore. >

It's all about balance. I don't think OP is complaining sheerly for the fact that their friends occasionally invite their SO.. as opposed to never getting "alone" time. Ofcourse you should date someone who integrates well with your friendship group but.. I also see that people want to spend time with the people they initially built a friendship with.. >

I do think its weird for someone to always invite their significant other. It's like dude, I wanted to hang out and chit chat with you not this other person. It kind of makes me suspicious actually. >

i agree with you, but im curious, what does it make you suspicious of? >

At best it's just some weird codependency, at worst it could be a sign of abuse. One spouse wont allow the other to do any activity without them being present. >

I don't think this is very unpopular, I think everyone except the people who do this are annoyed by that.