>

I agree!!! I think people can change for the better.
still trying to think this about my ex, when I was the third girl he’s cheated on… some people learn later in life than others, I suppose
Eh. I believe you can go on and never cheat on someone else. But to the person you’ve already cheated on, you’ll never not be “the one who cheated” or whatever >

This. The person who cheated may go on to change and better themselves, but they will do that on their own and it sure af won't be with me. And no apology would ever be enough to make it up to me. >

That's fuckin right. >

Done >

There's always the chance a cheater might not cheat in a future relationship. 
But I think the odds of a cheater cheating on the same partner are very high if they got away with it the first time. 
Some people cheat for thrills. Other people cheat to escape the relationship and don't see any other way out. 
Not all cheating is the same, but most of the time, it's dirtbag trashy entitled behavior. >

the taboo is exciting to them, they know its wrong and thats what makes it fun, they care nothing for the pain they might cause. >

26 male, and I think you both just cured my heartbreak froma past relationship. Just hearing someone else say what I always thought. Or atleast acknowledge what I'm sure alot of people have been through 
😓 Thank you >

24, got out of a 6 year relationship back in March. She cheated… it was really hard the first few months. My family and friends were super supportive and did what they could to cheer me up but I still felt very alone. 
I hate to say it but I’m glad it happened. I’m glad she cheated because I needed to grow and I needed to experience being alone. I needed to learn how to deal with that type of pain and how to love myself. 
Since then I’ve picked up a few new hobbies, lost about 20 lbs, and met someone new who I get along better with then I ever did with my ex. 
You’ll be fine my friend. Pain is temporary, it might not make sense now but one day you’ll look back and understand. Life can only be lived going forward but understood looking backwards. >

31, getting a divorce not so much because of her cheating but because she won't do the work required for reconciliation and I became extremely toxic. Got out of the military and moving away from any navy community because she cheated for at least 7 out of the 9 years we were together and im afraid I'll find out one of my coworkers was someone she cheated with. We were going to do an ancestry report for my son but now I'm terrified it might come back as he's not biologically mine and I don't know what I would do if that happens. Medically diagnosed with depression and anxiety. She's upset with the consequences of her actions. 
The only things keeping me going  is that I now have plans and the fact that no kid grows up okay if their father kills themselves. But I know things get better and I've pushed past the worst of it. >

My friend, I went through something similar.
You sound like you're in your own personal hell right now. Get a therapist, ASAP. They'll help you process your feelings much faster and in better ways than you most likely would. Not sure what your benefits entitle you to, but maybe it's covered? And even if it isn't, it'll be worthwhile. 
Also, consider joining support groups - both online and offline. You need all the community you can get to help you carry and process these emotions. Trust me.
Finally, there are online resources for people who were cheated on. I heard Chump Lady is a great one (just google her.)
In the end, you want it to remain a painful incident you learned and grew from, and not a defining moment that sent you on a downward spiral. Best of luck! >

I think cheating can be circumstantial, but it can also reflect a person's character; narcissists who don't feel bad about cheating will most likely continue to cheat. This saying applies to them. >

There is no circumstance in which cheating can be explained, period. Cheating on someone once makes you a cheater. If you're unhappy, leave. Feeling bad about it means nothing. >

If you think every bad behaviour can ONLY be explained by personality/character of a person then you’re being biased. This is what’s called the fundamental attribution error.
I’m not saying cheating is okay by any means, but to ignore any other factors/explanations is foolish imo.
Feeling bad about it can be helpful towards change. Recognizing your wrongdoings is the first step. Combine that with a lot of therapy and self-reflection, someone can make a relationship work if they other party is wiling to. >

You'd hope someone can recognize that a particular action would be bad and harmful without needing to dabble in it themselves.
If this person can recognize that wearing a seat belt is a good idea and doesn't need to fly out of the car's windshield to finally learn why, they should also be able to recognize that cheating is not a good decision to make way before they even get into any relationships. >

People are impulsive. Sometimes people only realize the actual consequences of things after they've engaged in it. 
People don't often enter relationships with the idea that they're gonna cheat at some point. Sometimes it just happens, for a variety of reasons. >


People are impulsive.

Is that not a personality/character flaw? >

It is, yeah. But my only point is that it doesn’t always have to be a character flaw, specially if it’s a one-time thing. >

So what other reason could there be? >

I think there are 2 main reasons people cheat.
The first is that a person is just shallow and selfish and needs to be gratified constantly (which would be a character flaw). 
The second reason is that the relationship is failing to provide sufficient intimacy and desire. It’s not rocket science to say that the likelihood of infidelity in a relationship is directly proportional to how miserable the relationship is.
The problem is that many people don’t recognize the misery in their own relationships. They come from a family full of miserable relationships and/or have a long history of miserable relationships, so to them, it’s not even miserable, it’s just normal.
Then they get surprised when wifey is fucking the milkman. >

So in first case, a person is shallow or selfish. Sounds like a character flaw.
In the second case, a person lacks introspection, lacks ability to address the issues in their relationship or even recognize in them in the first place.. and even if they did they don't have the courage to confront whatever problems arise instead of choosing infidelity?
Sounds like character flaws. Massive character flaws at every step actually.
What are these if not character flaws? Our character is what determines how we act in a situation. >

Hey, if they change and become better, that’s wonderful. Hopefully their next partner is happy with them, because I’ve got enough self-respect to not stay with someone that would cheat on me. >

Most people who break your trust do not deserve a second chance and won't get one because trust is finite. Once its gone it does not usually come back. >

What is the evidence for “most people that cheat do it in one situation, and then never again”?  In my experience, it’s the opposite.  (1) It’s a red line that, crossed once, is easy to cross again. (2) If #1 is overcoming a negative, the opposite is the incentive that cheating “worked” once, it will work again to get what the person thinks he/she wants. (3) there’s a basic dishonesty in cheating, both to oneself and to the one being cheated on.  So, that level of dishonesty doesn’t just go away.  I think it takes some catastrophically bad outcome to break the cheating habit. >

I was in an abusive relationship. I was denied sex all the time. I cheated on him once because I felt so safe with someone my family knew. I broke it off right away and realized I was trying to escape and was too weak. I’m still in therapy. We aren’t all terrible people. Although I don’t think this applies to “most people” so I agree >

Sorry are you seeking validation? I felt sympathetic after the first comment, but as I’m seeing it for the third time, I can’t help but think that you want to gather all “oh it’s different, good for you” in the world >

Cheating is typically a warning sign of other issues. I guess people change but form the  heaters I’ve seen, they don’t usually >

Reminds me of this one quote from When Harry Met Sally “Marriages don’t end on account of infidelity - it’s just a symptom that something else is wrong”
I believe it completely unless someone is just a serial cheater >

To me when my relationships went south, I started having eyes for other people more. When I was happy it was like I had blinders on almost.  It's a strange feeling, where you know change needs to happen or you'll have to break it off, because your mind keeps telling you that it's over this way. >

I’m more inclined to believe that once a partner cheats, they will cheat on the same person again. I do believe the cheater can go on to live a cheat free life with a new partner. >

First of all what’s with all these highly specific opinions on completely random phrases or circumstances?
Anyway, to make this more general, a lot of the cheaters I know seem to have some kind of serial cheating problem. They always 
a: end up in relationships like immediately after one ends (why??) and 
b: end up cheating again in that relationship. 
Maybe they’re into that idk, but obviously not all cheaters are like this and every occasion/person is different. >

To me, cheating is like getting tattoos. The first one is scary because it's unknown and expected to be painful. Subsequent tattoos are easier because the tattooee knows (s)he can take it.
Cheating, the first time, can be uncomfortable with having to confront guilt, betrayal of someone the cheater presumably cares about, and finding creative ways to justify it. After that wall has been breached,  it's not unlikely that (s)he will cheat again because (s)he knows how to work it.
Is it guaranteed a cheater will cheat again? No, just like it's not guaranteed that a person with one tattoo will continue to get more but we all know how that usually goes >

Cheating even one time is too much. If you're unhappy just break up / get a divorce. There's no excuse for betraying and hurting someone like that. >

Exactly like I don’t understand how ppl can justify it >

It’s not always that black and white. There are reasons behind the things people do—especially people who grew up in super dysfunctional families. I’m not excusing cheating or saying it is, in anyway, okay.People sometimes do awful things, even to people they love. And, despite what you see on Reddit, people can change and do better. 
My husband and I were both SA as children. We both came from super messed up families. We fell in love and got married 18. We clung together because neither of us had ever felt like we had someone we could truly depend on. 
But nobody talked about mental health back then. Nobody talked about depression or therapy or any of it. And we were kids who were, within a few years of getting married, raising kids of our own. We were poor and had no outside help and everything was always so hard. So he got sidetracked and made some awful choices. And then I fell apart and made my own horrible choices. 
We separated for awhile but the love was still there, it had just gotten temporarily buried beneath the amount of trauma we both carried. We got back together and just decided no more— that neither of us would ever again treat the other with anything but love and respect and kindness. 
It’s been 20 years since then and people who meet us now often mistake us for newlyweds. We fought our way back from a place of horrible pain and it made our relationship stronger than ever. We are extremely happy together. So people CAN change. Relationships can heal and evolve. In other words, not everything is black and white. >

Sure. That does explain why people might cheat but still, it doesn’t excuse it, like you said. If my SO cheated on me I wouldn’t care about WHY their dysfunctional family led them to do that. The fact of the matter is that they would have betrayed my trust. They either didn’t think about how their actions would hurt me else or they simply don’t care. I don’t care which one it is but they’re not going to get a second chance. If they are truly sorry then they can try and work on themselves with someone else. >

I totally understand that—and it’s a perfectly valid, healthy way to handle it. 
I just don’t feel like that’s the only acceptable way to handle it. A lot of people talk about cheating like you’re an idiot if you give someone another chance—and that’s just not always the case. That’s all I’m saying. >

I know you must take these opinions personally and honestly if you believe so deeply that you’ve made the right choice then there’s no point for you to argue it. If your SO can cheat and you can 100% believe they’ll be loyal to you afterward then only you can know that. I just know that it would eat away at me and I would always question if they’re cheating on me again and I will not subject myself to a relationship like that. >

"...most people that cheat do it in one situation, and then never again."
How do you know ?
Is there a source for that ? >

Studies like this. 81% of people cheat in one situation, and don't afterwards. >

If I read this right, it says that this 81% only cheated once in the same relationship. Although the cheating event doesn't always lead to the end of the relationship, and the sample are couples who are in quite a long relationship, it doesn't really mean that a majority of the cheaters only cheated once in their entire life.
Plus, the sample of this study is like 10k German people.
But English isn't my mother tongue and I may have read this wrong (and I definitely didn't read all of it)
Another study from the Denver University (sorry I can't find it at the moment) says that someone who cheated once in a relationship, has 3 times more chances than someone who never cheated to cheat again in a next relationship.
As for my personal experience around me, I never cheated but have been cheated, and I know a few people who have cheated, and my ex and all of the other cheaters I know have cheated in multiple relationship.
So I may be judgemental, but I tend to agree with "Once a cheater, always a cheater" from what I have witnessed. >

Have you ever heard the African proverb: One lie spoils 1,000 truths? 
Well, one bad act spoils 10,000 good ones. The time you spend whining about judgmental (which is funny in itself because you're most likely as judgmental, if not more, than those you complain about) people could be spend keeping your mental wellbeing at a level that helps you refrain from doing bad things that screw up relationships (family, romantic or platonic) with people.
It should also be noted that people deserve second chances but are not entitled to them. >

If one bad act spoils 100 good ones, then relationships are utterly impossible. 
In an average relationships you have lies, nagging, criticising, emotional neglect, sexual neglect, etc. Not often, but it happens, and by your logic it would spoil the best relationship in the world? >

It's so easy not to cheat on someone, I really don't get how people make out it can happen by accident.
I think they're just using the idea of "circumstanc" as an excuse for their own lack of self control.
Ive had offers and opportunities across multiple relationships but I've turned them down everytime. Not even just out of respect for my partners but also out of respect for myself. I would be ashamed of myself if I let it happen. 
Even when I was in a relationship with a girl I hated and knew I wanted to leave (who, it turned out, actually kind of cheated on me), I turned it down on principle and for self respect >

lol who is this most people >

Op is full of shit. >

I cheated once and realized it was one of the worst choices I ever made. Broke off my relationship, dealt with extreme guilt, and, because of how unlike myself it was; the inability to trust myself again for a long time. I learned a lot from it, good and bad, and I can honestly say I’ll never cheat on another person again. >

Sorry to randomly tell you my personal bullshit but I'm in a similar situation and I just feel like everyone would want me to kill myself if they knew what I did (partner knows and forgives somehow) and I always read shit like these comments and I just cry and I don't know how to forgive myself and I feel like there's literally nothing I can do to make amends I just have to like die. No one will ever even believe that I'm truly sorry and that it's the worst mistake I've ever made in my life, I feel like I ruined my life >

Honestly it's so much easier to break up first and then do whatever you want.. there is no reason for going the other route >

I once “cheated”— I say it like that because mans at the time [18] was leaving for basic training and we were arguing and not in a good spot in our relationship, so I told him we should break up before he left for 5 months.  He disagreed with me, but that’s not really how breakups work.
I was 20 at the time, so I had a few more years of “experience.”  He slut shamed me because of my body count pretty much every day.  That caused most of the arguments and issues we had, not to mention his parents didn’t like me because I told them I disagreed with the strict rules they had set for him even though he was an adult.
When he left, we were still in contact, and I was pretty much in this relationship against my will at this point, and kept thinking about how much his parents didn’t like me and how he thought I was a slut.  Eventually I couldn’t handle the toxicity and being alone with my thoughts and slept with someone else.  I told him immediately (kindof a bitch move since he was struggling to get through basic training).
He made me feel really bad about what happened when he got back home, and I would cry on his shoulder 2-4 times/week.  Basically, both of us were on different pages before he left.  To him, I was in his pocket, and to me, he was across the US.  When we both realized that, we were fine.
I’m now 22, he’s 19.  We’re friends, and will never be more than that.  I’ve been in a long distance relationship without any problems, and am currently in a steady relationship since that situation.
You could say I tried to break up with him, but not hard enough and you’d be right. There are serial cheaters who cheat for the thrill, or to piss their s/o off.  However, if you’re sane, there’s usually a lot more to it. >

He went into basic at 17? >

As a “once-a-cheater”, in my defense, I didn’t actually know I was cheating at that moment, I assumed the relationship was over, because they were ghosting me. As it turned out, we were still “on”, like three weeks later. 
Not as an always-a-cheater, I ended my “three-week affair” and continued my relationship with the first person for another year, with many failed attempts by me to communicate, and intermittent ghosting by them which pretty much caused me to end it altogether.
I am monogamous. >

Get out of this sub Ross! >

WE WERE ON A BREAK! >

What makes you believe most cheaters aren’t repeat offenders? >

Everyone is judgmental. I  think its odd that being judgmental is bad thing. Its not. That's why we were given instinct.  However past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior.    Once a cheater always a cheater: leopards don't change their spots.  Now I think people can change  and become better, however   the question is are you willing to risk it?  The answer for me is NO. >

Exactly. They "only" cheated once, maybe they'll do it again, maybe they won't, but their next partner can worry about that because I have enough self-respect to not stick around and find out. 
I think sometimes it can also depend on how the cheating is discovered. Did the cheater feel guilty afterwards and confess to their partner? Or did their partner have to find out from someone else, or on their own? If someone admits to it on their own, I feel like they're maybe a little more likely to not do it again. But if they try to bury the secret and keep lying to their partner, then I feel like they're more likely to do it again. >

I have a friend that cheated on his wife 3 times in 5 years. All three were long term (1 month or more) flings. They got a divorce. 3 years later he met a new woman and has really worked to change his behavior. This is great, looking at him you can tell he has mostly learned from the horrible things he did with his wife. BUT, his new girlfriend does know about his past. They both love each other, you can tell there is trust there, however they also linked their phones so she can see where he is at all times (it will even tell you what room the phone is in). This was done because of his cheating past and they just established that standard early. He has a past, she forgives him, but we are going to eliminate the possibility again.
I do not believe this is judging him, but rather considering his past. >

I would never wanna hafta constantly watch someone like a hawk so they don’t cheat on me, I need someone I can trust and that is not it >

Exactly, how is that even remotely healthy?? >

Sounds like someone cheated and now is getting what they deserve >

🎯 >

Found the 🐀 >

Yeah OP >

That’s what I meant!  😛 >

yea, but alot of people cant see themselves as the bad guy and do anything to justify their actions. its the other persons fault, i was lonely, i needed more, etc. Its a shit thing to do, and people who do it usually are lairs and manipulators who only view themselves as the victims and everybody else is attacking them when confronted about their actions. >

Sounds like you cheated on someone and are now upset they broke up with you. >

Cheating is a special kind of scummy move. It requires a person to willingly and knowingly betray the one person who is supposed to either be the most important person in their life, or at least be the person they have pledged (legally and/or morally) to be faithful to. If a person is able to betray their own significant other how is anyone ever supposed to trust them again?
It is also very easy to just not cheat. If you're unhappy in your relationship the adult thing and the right thing to do is to just end it. After that, you can go sleep with or be in a relationship with whoever you want.
Back to your point: Can people change? Sure - but it would be incredibly difficult for a known cheater to convince me that they had changed, even if they actually did. >

I think that's something OP isn't taking into account. Cheating doesn't happen on a whim, most often. It's not like you're walking down the sidewalk, trip, and suddenly you're cheating in the bushes with a stranger. 
Cheating takes effort. Whether you've reconnected with an old high school boy or girlfriend, you've been spending a lot of time with a coworker or BFF or someone who your partner has said makes them uncomfortable, or messaging randos on the internet, it's a choice you're making to cheat. This is even more true if you're having a full blown affair. If you have time to go run around with or spend time and money on someone else, you're most likely neglecting other things in your life, especially if you're married with children at home. 
This isn't a one time mistake or a momentary lapse of reason. This is who you decided to be. >

I personally wouldn’t get together with a person if they recently cheated. But if some years have passed and they know it was wrong i would be able to see past it >

Exactly. It took to long to find someone with a mature attitude. How if someone cheated when they were 17 years old because they didn't know better, but now 10 years after are aware of how wrong it was? >

I know a guy who doesn’t end relationships, he just starts new ones and let’s the girls fight it out. Idk man but he’s not changing lol >

Everyone is "judgmental". >

So who did you cheat on and how is this making it any better. And yes people make mistakes but people who cheat and only stop because they get caught are scum. >

I cheated once. Saw what it did to both women and never considered it again. It was awful.
However, I don't think that is the normal outcome. If someone cheats on you, you should assume they'll do it again. It takes a lot of growing for a cheater to change and you should let them do it on their own. Move on. >

At the end of the day there are people who have cheated and those who haven’t >

I think this only really applies to young cheaters or people who are still kind of immature because young. 
If someone is post 28-30 or so and still cheating it’s often something that will never change. 
It’s ingrained in them and stems from their own self inflated worth and often narcissism. 
Like that mentality that they’re always “better” than who they’re with and always looking to “upgrade” so they cheat when they find that person next and don’t care. 
Usually adult cheaters are the types or jump from one relationship to the next by cheating on the current partner with the next one. 
Then rinse and repeat 🤷🏻‍♂️ >

You defo cheated >

I have a feeling that OP is trying to defend a significant other, a close friend or themselves.  Been cheated on before, not going to put up with any of that shit again.  In most my experience it's just because the other person is just too indifferent to have a conversation and hides behind the old "I didnt want to hurt you" line.
But I will give you this top tier unpopular opinion hat is off to you op for actually posting one and not some trash like "I like animals more then people" >

I don't date trash, so if I know someone has cheated previously, I'm not going to give them a chance to demonstrate they've change trailer parks. >

So, what if someone works out those issues? I have a close friend that cheated and got caught. He and his wife chose to go to counseling together. It completely changed him for the better on a number of fronts. He dealt with a lot of mental health stuff, got sober, became a better father. He says it saved his life, as awful as it was. His wife says she's never been happier.
I get why others feel strongly about it, but I don't think we should discount those that can legitimately recover and earn forgiveness. >

No it’s a saying from hurt people. I gave my ex enough chances to change, I have a lot of people around me that gave cheating spouces a chance and all of them came back and hit me and them in the face. I do not deal with that bullshit anymore. If you decide to cheat I decide that if you once do it you’ll do it again and your ass is out of here. 
Also I don’t fuck with people that cheated before. If you cheated in other relationships I don’t want to be in one with you 🤷🏻‍♀️ >

Lol, where do you get that from? Do you know most cheaters? I’m gonna call bullshit. >

Oh, we've got surveys and studies, like this one >

Studies show people who cheat do it because they can. It's not situational they just use situations to justify to themselves.
I agree in redemption just wanted to point out it wasn't the situation. >

Expanding on this: 
The reason "why" a person cheats is often colorful. Ranging from psychological/personal problems (making the unable to mentally committ) to problems of nurture (religion telling "men will be men" etc.).
Most cheaters aren't sociopaths, out to destroy healthy people. "Once a cheater" doesn't mean someone is naturally a cheater for life. It means that most cheaters don't actually see their problem and work on it. They will monkey branch forever, going from one kick to the next.
There are ex-cheaters who do overcome their shit. Who can later commit. But it's very rare. As humans, we always see ourselves as "good" and actions "justified". This shit can be a hell of a drug >

But the comments here are largely saying that if a person is in a committed relationship or married and they watch porn or kiss another person, then hen for the rest of their life they are a “cheater” and they can never be redeemed. 
According to the majority here, a murderer released from prison after doing time gets more benefit of the doubt than a person that jerked off to some porn when his wife was out of town. >

Generally, cheating is about breaking an established relationship boundary. If someone considers watching porn as cheating (even if you think it's dumb), it'd still be a form of cheating if you did.
Of course, it'd be necessary to voice these boundaries first. And obviously, some "boundaries" are often red flags: Considering masturbation cheating, talking to any men/women (even if it's family)...
Generally, most people have a certain burning hatred for cheating aka betrayal. And with the knowledge that many cheaters don't change their ways (in the literal sense here; monkey branching), they immediately put the stamp on it. >

No, there’s no good excuse for cheating. You committed to someone, earned their love and trust, then consciously decide to hurt them. That makes you a bad person. And If you honestly don’t realize what a shit thing it is to do before, during, and after then you’re a narcissist on top of being an asshole. If you want to sleep around fine, don’t commit to anyone then. >

I pretty much feel this way about cheaters and every time I describe my feelings in this way people come out of the woodworks to suggest hypotheticals where it's not bad. 
It's a little tiring to have to explain to these people that during these conversations about cheaters that we are assuming the two people are adults, committed to one another, professing their love for each other, and are in an otherwise a normal relationship.
Like, sigh yeah of course if the person is abusing and threatening you and you're afraid to leave the relationship, we aren't concerned about you cheating on them, and we want you to get out of that situation in any way possible and away from that criminal. >

Meh idc if someone is a cheater just not something I would personally tolerate >

I think this might be where the meat of this conversation lies. 
How close does one have to be to either person of the relationship to inform people they are being cheated on/are dating a serial cheater?
At what stage are we contributing to the hurt someone else is experiencing? 
How should people feel if they sleep with someone in a relationship? 
I personally wouldn't let anyone I even remotely care about be cheated on. Hell, if one of my friends was cheating on someone and didn't feel bad, I would tell the other person. 
If someone wanted to sleep with me and they had a partner/were in a relationship, I would be pissed they asked me to participate in that, and tell them to tell their partner. 
It's 100% easier to not cheat, than it is to cheat. Stop hurting people >

Disagree. There is NO excuse to cheat on someone. You're already in a wrong but will still complain just because people don't trust you after. I think it's a very bold way to think. >

WE WERE ON A BREAK! >

>But most people that cheat do it in one situation
Did you cheat in the past?
Stereotypes exist for a reason >

If you are a black man, as your avatar would imply, you need to take that saying out of your vernacular. Jesus Christ man. >

i'm not from the racist hellhole that is the US
i am obviously a meme 
... or maybe it is no longer obvious and i am old and ragged >

You do you and keep pushing it then. >

Don't cheat and it won't be a concern >

I can’t un-cheat but that doesn’t mean I’m guaranteed to do it again. >

I think if u cheated in high school before your brain is fully developed u can change. If you’re out of high school u should know better and respect yourself and others enough not to be with someone you don’t value enough to be faithful to. >

Then brain is still developing until around the mid-20s. And that final part to mature is impulse control, planning, etc. So I agree with your assessment but would bump up the age.
Not to say a 20-something year old shouldn’t be dumped on the spot for cheating. In fact, it’s a great way to learn a lesson. But I wouldn’t necessarily hold responsible someone in their mid 30s for something they did in a relationship at 23, for example (if they demonstrate improved character at the present time). >

Sure, anyone can change I don't think cheaters are exempt from it. Just don't expect me or anyone with a decent amount of common sense to take your word seriously ever again. If you fuck around with someone's trust, don't be surprised when they don't give it to you again on a silver platter because you said you're sorry. You want to patch things up, you got to put in the effort, sorry is just a word. >

IMO the true meaning of "once a cheater always a cheater" is that once you proven you can't be trusted it's almost impossible to prove that you can be trusted.
It's like recovering addicts, nobody has to forgive them or give them another chance and that is one of the hardest things to accept and deal with for many addicts.
For cheaters it is the same, they have to accept that this action has permanent consequences regardless of the circumstances. >

Call me judgmental, then. If you cheat on your partner but still say you love them I’m just going to assume not trustworthy 🤷🏻‍♀️ >

Personally it's on a situational basis. If the cheater is truly sorry, and seeks to better themselves, I'm not gonna judge anyone who forgives them. Also, traditionally, there's situations viewed as cheating that we now consider sexual assault (drunk, high etc). It's the serial cheaters, or liars that bug me. >

The girl that was cheating on her bf (which I didn’t know about) ended up cheating on me with someone else so I will always abide this rule.
If I’m unhappy and really desire someone else that much I will always break up first. That guilty conscious would kill me too much. >

WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!! >

Cheating is a shit thing to do pretty much whatever the situation is. If you cheat because you want out of a relationship, you need to work on your communication skills. If you cheat because of temptation, a lack of care for your partner, for the validation of someone else finding you attractive, or some combination thereof, you're a narcissist person and you should stop trying to make monogamy work because clearly it isn't your thing. 
I grew up with a mom that was a narcissist and a habitual cheater. Cheated on my dad with the neighbor, neighbor became my stepdad, she cheated on my stepdad with so many guys I probably can't even count, she got engaged to a married man behind my stepdad's back, and now she is divorced and still trying to string along my stepdad and a couple other guys. >

Oh, you absolutely are a lot more likely. Still, 81% of people cheat in one situation, and then don’t do it again afterwards. 

Just translate it into english

Muss nicht Ü >

Not all cheaters are unable to grow as people and repeat the same stupid mistakes, some actually do  become better >

Yeah but doing it once already puts you on the blacklist so no one cares if you become better (according to this comment section) >

No one wants to believe that infidelity can happen to anyone. They need the security of knowing that their partner is a “good person” and therefore could never hurt them in this way. Thus the only people who would cheat must be evil. >

Have you ever cheated on your SO? >

pretty sure this is someone actively being cheated on >

I agree, I've known quite a few people who have cheated before. A small chunk of them would 100% do it again, the narc types, but most of them wouldn't/haven't since then because it was circumstancial and broke up with their partners pretty much right away. 
Also I cheated on my boyfriend of a few months when I was 17, that's almost 10 years ago (I'm 26) and I still feel bad. He even forgave me but I broke it off shortly after, I obviously wasn't happy in the relationship and dealt with it in the worst way possible. Haven't cheated since and in my current relationship the thought makes me sick. 
I am mostly talking about just kissing and light cheating though. I think if a person is in a relationship and full on has ongoing sex with another, it's likely they will do it again and again. I never understood this... Why not break up? >

I'm sorry- "light cheating"???? I get what you mean but that's such a bad way to put it. Cheating is still cheating. >

This sounds like something a cheater would say. >

Cheating is evil, but people can change and be redeemed, so I agree. >

That came from "Once and addict, always an addict" I think, wich is true >

I think people are silly to think about everything in black and white terms. I’m not condoning cheating, but people go through things and make bad decisions for various reasons. Some learn and grow from them, some don’t. 
Sometimes couples can work through it and move on. It’s probably not going to work if the person is a serial cheater or has a number of other terrible qualities, but it’s silly for the world to place one sweeping judgement on every couple. >

Exactly this. 
Also, why is there so much anger toward people who choose to stay with a partner who cheated? Damn, just let people make whatever decision they feel is best for themselves. It’s not like it’s ever going to affect you. >

It is due to the fact that once you cross certain lines it is easier to cross later. Recidivism is what people are talking about, not the ability for personal growth. Would you say the same if we replace cheaters with rapists? Probably not,  but rapists do. It is about crossing lines of social norms and  participating in social taboos. Actions have consequences and cultures have norms. You break the norm,  you deal with the consequences. >

All the cheaters I know do, in fact cheat again. >

People deserve second chances, prob also a third. But everthing has its limit. >

Stating the truth, doesn’t make you judgemental.

“Most people are not evil when they do bad things like cheating”

If they weren’t bad people, they’d have the balls to break up with you, like a good person would do. >

Old habits die hard so once a cheater is always a cheater >


But most people that cheat do it in one situation, and then never again. 

Source? >

Spoken like a cheater. >

Someone is trying to justify their behavior >

I have always interpreted that one not as "if someone cheats once they will cheat again", but more like "Once someone cheats they can't undo the cheating", hence the "always a cheater". >

Yeah I’m pretty judgy >

I believe the saying is used a lot but is often true. It’s like a person who consistently lies, they’re likely not to be trusted with telling the truth. >

The problem is beyond cheating. This person does not respect you anymore and once that respect is lost, there is nothing to be done. >

Cheating can certainly be circumstantial, like all things. But it can also be pathological. >

Okay here's something my wife and I do every morning while having coffee. We get the paper and we read dear abby. After having read the letter to dear Abby we try to think what our responses would be and then we read dear Abby's reply. I mention this because many relationships seem to talk about not being faithful. And generally the not being faithful ends up being plural. The unfortunate spouse has stuck it out through numerous short or longer term affairs from their spouse. Each time begging and pleading that this is it they will have reformed. Dear Abby is not a scientific study. And maybe there's a default to printing letters from serial cheaters I don't know >

People can make mistakes without being bad or evil. It doesn’t mean you need to tolerate it in a relationship. >

Only Siths deal in absolutes. >

I think that humans don’t have libertarian free will and are instead subject to their predispositions and their circumstances. So I call BS. >

I just would never forgive/trust them. And I would never do it myself under and circumstance. If it gets to that point, just leave. It’s something I’ve done before. I got interested in someone else, realized I was no longer in love with who I was with, and ended things with them before doing anything with anybody. It’s a shit situation, but I’m guilt-free. There’s no justification or excuse in the world to go through with cheating. But I guess there are levels to it that would make some cheating waaaaay worse than other instances. >

Meh. Everyone casts judgement about many things all the time, even if they don’t say it out loud.  Calling someone judgemental isn’t an insult. >

It may be judgemental, but I have yet to hear someone who's said it be wrong. >

You forgot to add "🤓" at the end >

So you know most people? That’s a lot of people. >

Yes you're right. 
We can call a spade a spade.
It's not necessary to dig into people or kick them while they're down. because no one really knows, it's best not to be self righteous about it, because your own time may come. >

Nah fuck that. Dam right I am judgemental and tunnel vision. Why Tf should I care if she doesn’t do it again. In fact that makes me feel even worse, the fact that I’m the only one that got cheated. Fuck you, you lying cheat. 🤷‍♂️ >

Yes, I do judge people for their behaviour >

Someone who has done it once is more likely to do it again compared to someone who never has. >

It's also big facts. >

OP are you a cheater lmao. Pretty sure someone who's years of love and trust that have been betrayed will massively disagree. Cheating breaks up families destroys lives... >

Yeah no. Cheaters are the scum of the earth. Sure, some cheaters cheat only once. But most aren’t like that. And frankly, cheating is just unforgivable in general. There should be no reason for anyone to accept their partner cheating. >

I’m assuming you’re a cheater. And yeah, obviously comes from judgmental people. Cheating doesn’t usually go unjudged. If you cheat, you deserve to be judged >

If someone's a pedo, i won't let them close to a kid, even if it "only happened once, a long time a go" or something >

well, I would never, ever, get in a relationship with someone who has cheated before, no matter what the reason is… >

sort by controversial. grab the popcorn. enjoy the show.   
Also, once a cheater is always a cheater is correct until OP provides actual statistics. >

Participant statistic in this paper >

okay so I read the study, and it was insightful in a way that I didn't expect. 
Infidelity starts off because the perpetrator was unsatisfied, makes the relationship worse, and the victim becomes less attractive because of the lack of well-being. sure, makes sense. 
Infidelity actually lowers the well-being of both partners post event. The cheater becomes unsatisfied because they experienced intimacy outside the relationship, and the victim has been cheated on.  
The relationship thriving is in the group of unfaithful women who achieve higher well-being post incident. 
So what I'm getting at is that dissatisfied cheater becomes more dissatisfied and makes me think that they will cheat again, (because they are less satisfied). 
Unless I missed something during my reading, I'm still conclusive that cheaters will be cheaters. send me citations if you think this interpretations is incorrect. >

maybe correct, but I would never date someone who could justify cheating enough to do it even once. >

Yes, I am judgmental. >

The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour >

You can cheat once and never cheat again. You can also kill only once or steal only once, but you would be branded a murderer or a thief for doing these. 
The person who was cheated on will forever have been cheated on and the pain will stay with them. Even if they move past it, they have still been cheated on. 
You committed the act and earned the title, and that isnt something you can undo. >

Once a cheater always a cheater is a saying from judgmental people and cheaters deserve to be judged HARD. >

My ex-sil is on her 3rd husband. She cheated on them all, and then cheated on the guys she left her husbands for. My ex cheated, and both his parents cheated on each other but didn’t divorce. I wonder if there is some genetic link? >

It breaks a bond level but I don’t think it’s unrecoverable for a relationship. >

" most people that cheat do it in one situation, and then never again" lol >

How do u know that most people cheat in one situation and never again.
Did u make a post on basis of assumption >

Lying, especially to a significant other, is beyond disrespect. They chose to do it and that is final no matter how much they change. >

It's a saying for a reason. >

This is not an unpopular opinion, its a wrong argument.
‘Cheaters keep cheating’ isn’t opinion, its fact. Its been researched plenty. People who cheat are more likely to keep cheating. Character flaws, cheating highs, and plenty of other reasons. >

You have more risk on cheating if you are bad at impulse control. Which can be trained. So that being said, if you ever cheated, chances are you’ll do it again if you don’t work on yourself. And the harm is done so I’ll call you a scumbag. If you learned from the experience, are very sorry and are working on yourself good for you. >

I think it’s more a saying from people who have been burned by cheaters, it’s a defence mechanism, not a rational description of the world. However I would say that the kind of people who are willing to put their own self interest above the commitments they’ve made to a loved one, are likely to continue being that kind of person, though that of course does not preclude the possibility of change. >

Sorry but I threw out my boyfriend 2-3 years ago without shame once I found out he cheated on me.   Six months later I met my now-husband and we are married for a year now. If I didn’t block him and completely ghost him I shudder to think what my life could have been. It was really difficult I won’t lie but I couldn’t be happier now. I exercise, I have good nutrition, I am more social, my grades are all 90+ and I am the brink of graduating, and the best part is my ex- is stalking me according to my friends. He is seething hard and that gives me joy. 
Pacifism is not always cool or healthy. >

This is actually an unpopular opinion OP!
Anyway, I don't think so... in all my direct and indirect cheating experiences I found out this sentence to be true 100% of the times (I was cheated once, and 4 of my friends have been cheated, in ALL the cases the Wayward partner cheated a second time)
People can change tho, so I would keep it as a rule of the tumb rather than an absolute truth >

I agree. I think if a partner cheats it should end the relationship, but shouldn’t ruin future relationships with different partners. >

Reddit: cheating is worse than genocide >

Actually saw a Reddit comment not too long ago where someone was claiming that being friends with a cheater is like excusing the holocaust. Not exaggerating. I believe they said something like "So you'd be friends with Hitler because he wasn't killing you?" >

You go date a cheater and then report back, OP. >

The issue with that is every time I’ve seen that phrase used…the cheater cheated again 💀 >

Most people don’t want to believe this, but there are many very different varieties of cheating, and, of course, many different reasons. 
Often a cheater is ending one relationship and starting a new one.  Not the best way to move on, but it is common.   Contrary to what people want to believe, that new relationship is NOT doomed.  It often becomes a life-time good relationship. >

Cheater are selfish cowards. You can have sex with whoever you want but if you do it behind your SOs back it just means you were too cowardly to break up with them >

I support this opinion 1000000% no person is something they did one time. 
It is an easy way to belittle someone . 
I think cheaters are cheaters someone that cheated is not. >

Stupid opinion, not just unpopular. It takes a certain mentality to cheat and if you did it, kudos to you but the current partner has every right to dump your sorry ass and never look back. Also, any future partner should know about it beforehand and decide whether to mingle with you or not. >

I’ve cheated in the past, but only when a relationship was already over.  I’ve never cheated in a healthy relationship and I can’t imagine myself ever doing so. >

If the relationship was already over then you didn’t cheat so why are you saying you cheated? >

lmao...this entire post is a saying from cheaters >

Actually it’s pretty well known that statistically, most cheaters will remain cheaters. It’s the exception not the rule that if someone cheats once they never ever do it again. Some people can cheat really easily and they will probably keep doing it in other relationships or their partner. Especially if they got away with it. Some people just never cheat. And some do slip up once and only once, after feeling extreme remorse and regret and prob even acted out of character.
So yeah while I hate sayings like that, it’s pretty true. 
Call me small minded on this, but I’d never date someone who tells me on the first date they cheated on their wife or long time girlfriend. That says so much about them. Especially if it was with someone long term. I guess I could risk it and try see the best in them. But nah. Why risk dating someone who was capable of doing that? Especially when there are lots of people who just don’t cheat, period.
And I’d never get into a relationship with someone who was cheating with me. Because if that’s how they enter a relationship it says a lot about them and they’d surely do it to me. Not to mention I wouldn’t want to be a part of that mess. >


But most people that cheat do it in one situation, and then never again. 

proof, the disrespect needed to cheat on a partner isnt something that goes away just admit that you cheated >

One a cheater always a cheater is only applicable when same people are involved >

Question: have you cheated before? Because it’s pretty obvious most people who cheat lack the moral standing and the emotional intelligence or empathy to not be despicable to another human being like that, and usually those people aren’t just gonna wake up one day and do a 180. The juice ain’t worth the squeeze with somebody who was willing to cheat and do something that wrong to another human before >

Well, you’re wrong. >

I don't know about this, fam. >

Tell me you’re a cheater without telling me >

People just refuse to accept that they could love someone who has cheated on them. There are in fact happy, loyal relationships that had periods of cheating involved. There are humans (believe it or not) that can see error on their ways and correct that behavior. >

I may have a very unique take (or maybe it isn't unique at all haha). I do my best not to "judge" anyone for anything, and I also believe everyone is capable of any sin given the wrong (or right) situation. 
That being said, I am a scientist so I like the data of it all and things such as cheating and violence in a relationship are abnormal and do stim from some sort of personality trait. True personality and behavior is very difficult and is very slow to change, sometimes taken 5-10 years to truly adjust a behavior where we believe it is unlikely to happen again, which is where the idea of "once a cheater always a cheater" comes from to me. It does not mean I believe we should judge them continuously for the bad deed, what it means is we should consider the fact that they are much more likely to cheat again because they have proven they are capable of it and it is part of them. This is just fact, if someone has cheated in the past they are significantly more likely to cheat again than someone who has not cheated before.
It is like an alcoholic. We should not judge this person for drinking in the past if they fixed it now, but it is entirely acceptable to believe that for 5-10 years they shouldn't put themselves in situations where they could be overly tempted, potentially even beyond that time frame if they know it is a struggle.
Similarly, if you date and love someone that tells you they cheated on their past partner, it is in my opinion okay to not judge them for it but also establish boundaries you would not normal establish with a partner. Things such as, "will you please tell me what work friends you are going out with tonight", even though this is something I would never ask my partner who has no history of even remotely cheating. 
Again, we may actually agree on this in that I do not believe they are evil or the scum of the earth, but I do believe there is a difference between judging someone and considering their past in your decisions with them. >

Former cheater here- it was such a horrible end to my marriage, I would never cheat again. One of the worst things I’ve ever done. I’m now happily married to someone else and cheating is not an option for me- lesson learned! It took me 10 years to move on from that divorce and I lost much respect from my children. >

OP i agree. My husband cheated one time with one person years and years ago. He was so rackedbwith guilt he came to me right away and we worked on our marriage and guess what?? He has never done it again. It strengthened our marriage and we are stronger than ever.
I agree that most people do not continue to be unfaithful. There are plenty of people who are serial cheaters but the majority of people are inherently good.
Thank you for making this post >

I agree. Just because you’ve made a mistake in the past doesn’t mean you absolutely will again. But you are at a higher chance for reoffending then someone who never cheated ever. 
It’s just like anything else someone does- they have to live with the consequences of their actions. If people don’t trust them etc that’s on them. >

I wouldn't ever be able to trust someone if I knew they cheated in another relationship. Regardless of their reasoning, they did it. Because they were in a bad relationship? Well what if they have a bad one with me and decide to do it again instead of talking or breaking up. For the thrills? Probably will chase that thrill again. ECT. I've saw my sister cheat once, then she's done it for every relationship since. >


But most people that cheat do it in one situation, and then never again.

Source: OPs ass >

The reason why cheaters don't change is because it takes a person with no consideration of others. Even if they have good intentions they are the type to put.themselves first so they are inherently self focused. Maybe they aren't bad people, but you should never trust or take a cheater serious. They're just extras. And obviously never show love.to one. Treat them all with the grey rock method. >

Not really the point. Once you cheat your partner forever will worry about it hypothetically happening again and quite honestly that’s as bad as getting cheated on. It’s not fair and it’s not what that person signed on for. Just don’t cheat or risk losing the person you love. >

Would you think a murderer is a normal person once they are out of prison. It's the act of doing something forbidden not the likelihood of them doing it again. >

Are you really comparing murder to cheating? Cheating is a shitty thing to do but dude... come-on! >

Found the cheater >

If you cheat you’re scum. End of story. >

Tell me you are a cheater without telling me you are a cheater. >

People judging people for their past actions are judgemental. Wow, what an amazing take. >

True, finally somebody who disagrees. 
People change. Somebody who did something awful ten years ago may be a completely improved person right now. >

My fiancé cheated on a ton of partners before me (with two relationships in between where he didn’t cheat) and he learned his lesson back then and hasn’t cheated. People can change and learn >

Date cuenta, amiga… >

Boludo, te equivocaste de idioma >

Nope cross me once i dont do second chances. Dont be a peice of shit >

It’s simply being realistic. If you did it once, there’s really nothing morally stopping you from doing it again. Forgiving a cheater is simply coping behavior and/or having a lack of self respect. >

Nah, it's true and especially so if you stay with the cheating person. They see that there are no consequences. Not sure what world you're living in. >

Murder is bad! but most people murder only once so it's basically okay >

Completely agree! Cheating sucks and is a terrible thing to do. But it doesn't make you a terrible person right away. >

Says the cheater >

I had a fwb once, he wanted to be more but I didn’t. Luckily for me who didn’t catch feelings, I found out he started seeing me before breaking up with his last girl and there was slight overlap. Fast forward to two years later where everyone’s moved on and we’re 100% platonic friends only. He tells me about his problems like any friend does. The current problem he has? He can’t stop thinking about other women even though he has a completely clueless girlfriend who is head over heels for him. Has he cheated on any women since that first girl? No. Has he clearly moved on from his way and is now a loyal loving man? Absolutely not. Once a cheater, always. It shows your mindset. He knew it was wrong to cheat, he knows it is wrong to cheat, hasn’t done it again (yet), but would he jump at the chance to cheat if it were presented to him? I’m sure. >

Sounds like something a cheater would say >

No,  it's a saying from non-whoring people >

sounds like something a cheater would say lmao >

Sure, but its more likely than not that cheaters will cheat again, so will rapists, murderers, and addicts. You can become clean of your sins but it doesn’t matter, you’ve lost that trust and it probably won’t be repaired. >

Cheating reflects on the person >

OP medaled 🥇 in mental gymnastics >

I guess it depends on why someone cheats.  Some people cheat because of immaturity and peer pressure - if you’re friends with a group of people who think cheating is not immoral and they encourage you to have fun, you might cheat, but you stop cheating once you realize cheating is wrong.  But when people cheat to get validation, or they simply want to have sex with multiple people regardless of their relationship/marital statuses, they are likely to cheat repeatedly. >

Cheating can be circumstantial and people who say sayings like that is moronic, because people can definitely change. They, themselves, have change plenty during their life time. I'm not the guy I was 10 years ago, I've drastically changed many things about myself since then, while still maintaining my core persona. I know many people who have changed greatly. Ex-criminals who are nowadays the sweetest teddy bears and whatnot. >

Once you cheat, you become a cheater. If that's the only time, you're still a cheater because of the simple fact that you cheated.
It's like murder. Once you commit murder, you're a murderer. If you never murder again, you're still a murderer because of the simple fact that you committed murder. It doesn't go away just because you decide not to do it again. >

Cheater. >

I honestly think it’s a North American thing. I agree with you, I think that cheating is bad but it’s not my top 5 worst moral failures. >


Yeah, I know, the people here think cheaters are the scum of earth. But most people that cheat do it in one situation, and then never again.

Every cheater I know did it more than once, and cheted on different people. >

It very much tends to be the truth. >

Found the cheater. >

OP is a cheater 😂🤢 and yes once a cheater, always a cheater. Keep whining after you cheated >

Cheaters very often cheat again. They are scum of the earth. >

OP speaks like a cheater, OP definitely a cheater >

I always remember my ex-boyfriend’s mother saying this to me. I broke up with him before going to university for my masters and he refused to acknowledge it. And then when I got another boyfriend about six months later, he told everyone I had cheated on him. >

Op's a cheater lol >

If someone is even capable of cheating then i don't want them in my life, simple as. >

Let me take a wild guess here and say you are a cheater. >


But most people that cheat do it in one situation, and then never again

Wrong. It generally is or becomes a pattern of behavior. >

No, it's not.
People can better themselves, sure. But the hurt cheaters cause is not something that ever vanishes and that's why "once a cheater, always a cheater" is a saying and it's very true, there's no un-doing a mistake. >

Nope, cheating is cheating. If you do it even once, it proves that you do not value your partner. Because you do not calue your partner, you're bound to do it again. 
Stop making excuses for cheaters. >

You sound like a cheater. >

Once fat always fat. 
Once poor always poor. 
Once wrong always wrong. 
OP has a good point. >

Being fat, being poor or being wrong aren't personality traits. >

Nor is the fact a person strayed on one occasion. A personality trait is pervasive not a one time event. Also, my spouse considers looking at porn “cheating.”  My brothers wife didn’t have sex with him for 4 years and said . And before years he did. That’s not a personality trait.
I think the point is, situational events don’t make permanent or support the phrase “once [insert here] then always …”. >

Says the cheater >

Ok cheater >

The issue is that you can't apply this logic to worse things.
A rapist is always a rapist.
A murderer is always a murderer. 
You can repent and never do it again, but you made an active choice, knowing it would hurt someone.
If someone cheats once, their partner can not KNOW that they never would again. The partner can forgive and put their trust back in that person, but they will always remember what happened and will carry that with them. They will always have been cheated on. You will always be a cheater. 
Doesn't mean you are actively cheating. Much like a murderer isn't nessicarily still murduring or a rapist still raping. >

People who cheat are scumbags >

Still something only scum would do tbh. >

The real crime is the normalisation, nay, indoctrination of monogamy. Far, far more people are unequipped for monogamy than we care to realise, especially in a world where sex is so available. You'll downvote me or say 'found the cheater' but the data suggests that gen z are taking a completely different approach to open relationships. It's us millennials stuck in these boomer ideals about what love is or should be. Music, movies, TV repeats the message that couples are validated by their undying and obsessive love for each other. Our generation isn't open-minded enough to fight the status quo en masse and so people live in constant denial. Almost everyone I know in a marriage around my age is miserable and frustrated. I wouldn't be surprised if over half are cheating. Stuck in dead relationships, no where to go, financially bound. Who are we to judge escapism? >

People do not change over the long term, with some rare exceptions.  I have never known a cheater that didn't cheat again.  Ever.
It's not a choice, it's a character flaw. >

I think the sentiment doesn't necessarily mean they will cheat again. I think it's generally more referring to their character. They will crumble and fail under pressure when it doesn't go their way. They are unreliable and untrustworthy. >


it might take them some time to come to terms with what they've done having been a bad thing. 

Are you saying that they didn't know it was bad before they decided to cheat? 
A certain amount of judgment of people is wise, people don't behave in a new and isolated manner from their historical behaviour each time they do something. >

I wouldn’t think the stats actually point to people only cheating in one situation. I’d have to Google that one. If I was a side piece, I could never really trust the woman to be faithful to me. >

if they want to work on themselves and change good for them. still nobody is obliged to stick around for it >

Cheating is like hitting a partner in that they are things some people will never, ever do, and some people will.
Someone who cheated in a past or current relationship is like someone who has abused a partner.
Maybe they won’t do it again, but why not just find a trustworthy partner capable of not doing terrible things to people they are in a relationship with. >

I get your logic and I can't argue with that. It's a line that can't be uncrossed. Once you are over that line then that is who you are. >

I feel like this saying is thrown around a lot but isn't understood. Once you cheat on someone, trust is permanently damaged. Your partner, if they take you back, will always think in the back of their mind that if you were capable of it once then you're capable of it again >

You're talking about a very small minority here 
Plus a way to humble (for them to never do it again) is by leaving them 
By doing that their regret might keep them from cheating again , if they have enough conscience that is. >

Sure, and you only stop at one doughnut. >

People say that because to cheat, you have to have something fundamentally flawed with your morals/values. Sure, there are the one-offs where alcohol or some specific set of circumstances may exist that make it more likely to be a one time thing with a chance at redemption, but in most cases cheating requires a series of choices to be made which at any step could be a chance to not go through with cheating- starting with working on whatever issue is causing you to explore that road. Or, more simply,  just break up instead of cheating. Basically, cheating generally means you are a bad person and people say "once a cheater always a cheater" because most bad people don't just magically become good people. >

Damn straight im judgmental about cheaters.
Sure, they can become better, but the odds are they will cheat again or have other personality traits that are negative.
It takes 0 effort to NOT cheat, but takes a lot to cheat. >

My mom was a serial cheater with my dad so I'm going by experience haha >

I think more people cheat than admit it; more people would cheat if they had the opportunity, or, less fear of losing their relationship. Most humans are pleasure-seekers I think this is root of all cheating. >

I think it's more so that people don't want to take the risk and less about that actually being true. If I was dating someone and he cheated on me, it's over. I wouldn't ever be able to trust him again, and I don't want to spend our relationship with me constantly internally and verbally questioning him. In my mind, every time he's late coming home or not picking up his phone I'm imagining him cheating on me.
I also wouldn't want to date someone who cheated on their past partner because what's to say they won't do it again? They can say all sorts of pretty words about how they've changed and how they feel horrible, but if they got away with it for 3 months then they must be a good actor and good at hiding things.
While I do believe people can change, you have to accept that after doing something bad, people are going to question the legitimacy of your words and change. You have to accept that this bad thing will forever be there and forever affect how some people view you. This is especially so if the bad thing you did involved lying >

The problem is most people spend their entire lives trying to improve. A cheater isn't evil but there's no way just based on the human psyche that I would a believe a cheater has the ability to change quickly. To not only develop the conscience that wasn't already there but to unequivocally convince themselves and others that they changed. Most everyone aims to be an ideal version of themselves when confronted with loss due to their actions. Doesn't mean you can actually do it and most won't feel comfortable risking their heart because you had an epiphany that many already understood to be unacceptable from childhood. >

My friend's gf cheated on her previous bf with my friend. They've been together for 3 years and they have the best relationship I have seen >

lol that's close to what my ex-girlfriend said years back after getting caught cheating with 2 other dudes and used that saying... along with the 'everyone deserves a second chance' speech >

Yeah, it sounds like you're a cheater trying to say you deserve a second chance, or you got cheated on, and now you want to justify taking the cheater back. Sorry, cheating shows exactly what kind of person you are.  If you did it once, you can do it again, period. I'm the kind of person that will break up with someone instead of cheating on them. If you're a somewhat decent person, you would never cheat on someone. >

*shrug* My personal experience is wholly anecdotal, but I can say that "If they cheat *with* you, they will cheat *on you*" was true in my case.  
As someone who has never cheated on anyone myself, I would never get together with anyone who would admit to having done it after that. >

I mean, you may be right, but I for one wouldn’t risk it. Past action is an indicator of future action, when people show their true colours, believe them and so on and so on. But honestly, a man only gets to cheat on me once. Breaking my trust will not keep you in my life, and I’m not the only one that feels that way. I honestly don’t care if they likely won’t repeat the cheating; they’ve done it once, so they know they can do it again and that’s plenty of information for me to make a decision thanks. >

Well 'once a cheater, probably still a cheater unless they do the self work to address the root causes that drove them to infidelity, seek forgiveness from the people they hurt, and move forward to live with empathy and self-awareness' just doesn't roll off the tongue as easily lol. 
Realistically the phrase comes from the fact the cheating is borne out of lack of self awareness and empathy. Bceven if you just cheated once, it means that you consider cheating an option. Where most people would leave, you chose to priotitize your own wants and needs and cause your partner mental and physical pain. What does that say about your character as a person?
And to tackle those issues you usually at least need self-awareness...hopefully empathy... which you don't have, I mean at least the self awareness, that's why you were cheating. 
It's a catchy little ditty that points out the generally cyclical nature of infidelity since it takes a big push to take a step back and recognize how toxic your behavior is and an even bigger to put in the constant effort for self growth and self awareness needed to break the cycle. >

Yes I am a judgmental person but I’ve never been led wrong by it. I’ll give you a second chance as a friend if I feel like you truly regret your choices. However, I have never met a cheater who had complete regret. There is always an attached Excuse. I’ve been cheated on before so I draw a hard line on it. >

if you're able to find it easy enough to cheat on your partner and destroy the trust and sanctity and existence of your relationship, you're not a good person, even if it was one time. Being able to do it even once makes you a bad person, you hurt your partner, you've ruined your relationship and the trust you've built with that person. >

I feel like the saying isn't used for people being over judgemental on cheaters but used because they have lost their trust in someone. >

News flash: all people are judgmental people. >

Most cheating is done when people think they're better than their partner.
Staying with a cheater will lead to more cheating. 
A cheater can change but the chance of them changing while staying with the person they cheated on is slim to none. >

In my native language there's a beautiful saying that, Trust is can be as fragile as glass. Once you break the trust, you might put back the broken pieces together but you can't erase the scars those broken peices create. It's always there
It didn't translate beautifully in English, but I hope you get the message. >

Honestly I used to say that too. Now I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and while I have never cheated and don’t think I would, I definitely made extremely unwise decisions that went against my personal code of ethics at times in the midst of manic episodes but I didn’t know that’s what they were at the time. If something is happening gradually and you don’t notice/no one realizes you’re acting off, you can be way too far into it. That doesn’t mean it’s okay to cheat but American mental healthcare sucks, I should’ve been diagnosed over a decade ago and medicated but I wasn’t and made some shitty decisions in adulthood I wish I could take back and can’t. That doesn’t mean it’s fair on their partner or the cheater should automatically be forgiven, but humans aren’t perfect beings. Plus having worked in prisons where I’ve seen a lot of reformed people (especially those who mostly just needed mental health treatment and finally received it while incarcerated), there are very few things I will fully write a human being off for. I can’t claim to care about rehabilitation if I didn’t. >

Up until a varying age when you're trying to permanently settle down. Yeah its pretty true until then. >

That saying is basically just saying “no one ever learns from their mistakes or grows as a person” which is obviously wrong.
That said, if you cheat on someone, they have every right to never be with you again. But that doesn’t mean you’ll necessarily cheat on your next partner >

I'll give some examples of what OP is talking about:
Your partner is abusive. They treat you horribly, emotionally and physically. An old friend comes back into your life that is your preferred gender for dating, but you've never felt any romantic feelings for then before.
This person gets past your abusers guard, or your abuser doesn't know about them because you didn't tell them, because you know how they would react to you having a friend (especially a friend of the sex/gender you are attracted to). You grow closer to this person. You tell then about your relationship and they listen. At some point, you realize this person is meeting needs your partner hasn't met or won't allow you to have. They are giving you the emotional support your partner doesn't. This person is a saint compared to your abusive partner, and you fall in love. Then you have a decision: you should leave your partner for the new love at this point. It is not right to cheat on someone, even someone as worthless of a partner as they are. Maybe you can't leave for fear of how your partner will react. Maybe they are the violent type. Either way, you're hungry, hungrier than you've ever been for intimacy from someone who is so kind and loving, and not bad looking either. 
Some people in this situation will cut off this kind new love interest, shove their heart and soul as far down as it will go, and go back to their abusive partner.
Some people will break up with their old partner--with support from their friend--and begin the healing process.
Some people will cheat with the new person because their hunger is so strong, and the emotional validation and connection gives them the courage and perspective they need to leave the abuse.
Some people will cheat, then stay with their partner our of fear, kicking the decision whether to leave or not down the road.
The above example obviously doesn't describe most relationships or most cheaters. It is just an example of the sort of relationship that applies to OP's thinking in this case. >

It's not meant to be a truth, it's meant to be a rule to live by. Like "every gun is always loaded, especially if it's empty"
That's obviously not true, but if you live like it is, you are a lot safer. A cheater might have changed, but you've already been burnt, let someone else take that chance >

I don’t think you can ever trust that person again, regardless of whether they cheat again, or not. You’re gonna have that little thought, every time they’re late or go on a work trip, or whatever. It’s gonna eat away at you that they MIGHT be cheating. Eventually that’s gonna come out of you and eventually they’re gonna get tired of persecution and lack of trust, for something they believe they’ll never do again.
Then the justified snapping will reinforce the others belief that they’re trying to hide something and are being defensive. >

They might not always be a cheater, but there's underlying problems that they have that made them want to choose the path of cheating. Cheating isn't just "one" mistake people make - it's a series of mistakes actively chosen by the person. They can meet an attractive person and they don't have to make flirty advances, ask for their number, see them more often at the same place, etc. If they're actively choosing the morally wrong choice every time, they need to work on themselves, and they might improve, but I feel the trust is irreparably broken for the person they cheated on, and that relationship should just be over. Bless anyone that stays around, but I'm out after the first offense.
It's a conditional disagree from me, honestly. It depends largely on the person's motivation to be a better person vs. someone who always craves the rush of being unfaithful. >

Some people change, some dont.. my personal logic is if i know they cheated on someone/myself, then i need to trust them an appropriate amount based on their history. They may never cheat again, which would be great, but i’ll never trust them the same as if they had never cheated to begin with >

It may not be a guarantee but its a very safe bet >

Cheating is not something that just "happens." It happens willfully and deliberately. And that absolutely would destroy my trust in that person.
Only exception is maybe if they were like really drunk. But there's a lot of things that could make that as bad or even worse for letting yourself get into that situation. It obviously wouldn't excuse it either way. >

People can change. 
People rarely change. >

The only way to escape a label like that is to never act in the way that earned it for you originally. Even if you’re forgiven by who you cheated on it’ll never be forgotten and people like to run their mouths about stuff like that so in future social circles and with new partners the only thing to do is not cheat and slowly the label will fall off.
The only way to not have things end this way is not to cheat >

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess you were born in 1997 based on your username, if thats the case, your 25. 25 year olds don't have a clue what a long term relationship is or what it means to be faithful to one partner for a long period of time. >

Respect for posting an actual unpopular opinion. I’d have to disagree though. IMO cheating is a mark on someone moral values. Situations change, but people’s morals don’t. >

Sure. If you think so. >

Yeah hackers can be really detrimental to the gaming community. >

You sound like a cheater OP I’ll say this seeing my mom in relationships over the years I’ve learned people will do whatever they please. >

It's not cheating if the husband is watching >

Once a cheater, never a cheater again isn't a thing. If a piece of shit accepts they're a piece of shit, takes responsibility for being a piece of shit then sure that one person is an exception, but even then they already cheated. They will be more inclined to cheat again instead of being a respectable person. They will just be a coward and act cowardly when things get too hard again. Cheaters are cowards. There is no other reason that you decide to betray someone else. >

I won’t judge you for cheating. But I also wouldn’t date that person either if I was looking for a serious relationship. 
It speaks volumes about their self control and lack of empathy for whoever they were dating at the time. That’s just a huge red flag. 
No reason to cheat ever…like ever. 
If you want to sleep with someone else breakup and move on. >

Fact is Cheating is like lying, after the first time it gets easier and more tempting to do.
Add to that the broken trust and that’s where the saying comes from. >

I think it depends from person to person. Sometimes cheating comes from a problem within the relationship, and even though it's a big mistake to cheat, it can be a copying mechanism. But it can also come from narcissistic tendencies, hatred for their partner or lack of maturity. But I think the forgiving part should be from the cheater to themselves, not something the cheated partner should have to deal with.
One can cheat and change their ways after realizing their mistake. But one cannot expect forgiveness for hurting others and breaking someone's trust. >

Idk in my experience the type of people who cheat are the type of people who can go through with betraying people closest to them. With that fact, they usually have a pattern of that kind of behavior and usually cheat more than once if given the opportunity. 
Just because they only cheated once doesn’t mean they wouldn’t have done it again in ideal circumstances of not getting caught >


Are you serious or are you just that stupid? >

Seriously. It's like people think a guy who got drunk when he was 16 and slept with someone else is still gonna do that at 60. People grown and change. To pretend they don't is ridiculous. >

I cheated on my boyfriend. I regret it horribly and have since been completely faithful. Is there still a lot of healing we’re doing yes is there any privacy no but I’m warning his trust back very slowly. I’m in love with this man and wouldn’t dream about doing it ever again. I’ve only ever done it once in my life and yes it was horrible to do in the first place but I’ll never do it again. >

So if you had a choice to date one of two people you were equally interested in. But you just found out from a friend that person 2 cheated on their SO. 
Are you really going to pretend this information isn't going to impact your choice? Reputation matters. 
The saying actually translates to once your reputation is tarnished, it stays tarnished for a long time. So don't fuck with it because it's super important.
I'll be honest with you. Knowing someone cheated will absolutely impact my choice in dating them. That's why people keep that stuff secret. >

You got my upvote purely cos you believe that most people that cheat only do it once 🤣🤣 >

i agree. obviously it depends like people are saying but one mistake shouldn’t define who you are >

It never a mistake, it's a choice. Don't defend it. >

If you're drunk and high enough it could be a mistake. Still doesn't make it ok though and someone would be going to treatment at that point. >

"Once a cheater, always a cheater is a saying from HURT people."  
I think this \^ is more accurate. 
As others have said, to the people who have been harmed, that hurt will never go away. It's true that everyone is the villain in someone else's story. Nobody is 100% a good person. But no one is 100% an evil person either (except for sadistic psychopaths who are absolutely evil monstrous people). But even those people were once somebody's child, which is hard to deal with. 
Like for example, I had a male friend stalk me, harass my friends, send me unsolicited sexual photos of himself and so there is no doubt in my mind he is a piece of garbage who will never change. This is my reality. I also know, he is someone else's best friend, son and life partner. That is also, another reality that is just as true as mine. 
The line between these two realities is insanely small and stupid, but its an important line and we should think of it like a unneighborly fence. Not a stone wall. > >

Unless they were cheated on. Doesn't really make them judgemental imo >

Cheaters remain cheaters if they don't want to understand why they feel the need to cheat. It takes a lot of hard, deep personal work to keep from cheating and most people don't want to do that work. 
The stereotype of "once a cheater always a cheater" remains because few people have the self-awareness to understand why they choose to hurt those they love. 
I have been in multiple relationships that resulted in cheating situations, and yes, I am partly responsible for being in those situations. However, to pretend like a one off situation is acceptable fails to address why anyone cheats in the first place.
Stop giving cheaters cover and start asking why so many people cheat in the first place. You're right - not all cheaters are bad people, but they're acting out in a way that is unhealthy and that behavior deserves to be examined instead of being swept under the rug. 
Your post gives me the impression you cheated and you want to feel better about yourself without doing the work. >

“Miss me with that GROWTH MINDSET” >

if you don't want to be defined by an action.... DON'T. DO. THE. ACTION. >

My read on that saying is that saying someone is "a cheater" is sort of like saying "an addict", like it refers to a specific repetitive and self-destructive behavior pattern. An addict will always be an addict, in some capacity. Same I think it's probably true for a cheater. The super important distinction here in my head is that cheating once or whatever does not make a person a cheater. >

“Once a cheater always a cheater” is also saying that people can never learn from their mistakes >

It’s a case by case sorta thing. But the one got cheated on got every right to break up the relationship >

When people are hurt in what they feel is a very serious manner they justify it as a more permanent hurt and effect.