>

You say excruciating, I say hilarious.
The op doth protest too much, methinks. >

I bite my thumb at OP >

No, sir. I do not bite my thumb at OP, sir, but I bite my thumb, sir. >

Do you quarrel sir? >

Quarrel, sir? No, sir! >

We can't stop here! This is bat country! >

We were somewhere around Verona, on the edge of Veneto, when the Capulets began to take hold. I remember saying something like “I feel a bit lightheaded, maybe you should quarrel”… >

And finally there I stood face to face with the elusive Shakespeare Hunter. >

No, it's Hunter S Thompson, the S is for Shakespeare. >

I keep your head low
Shakespeare may just sick his imaginary attorney on you >

You aren't entirely wrong, and you aren't entirely right.
Shakespeare isn't outdated. He's a lot of things, but outdated isn't one of them. Some of the stories that his plays centre around fit quite perfectly with both modern issues, and modern politics. Julius Caesar and Coriolanus can be used to talk about populist politics, for one example, and the metaphors work incredibly well.
Remaking Shakespeare is very important, and very useful, because it can transform an old tradition into a reflection of our modern culture.
HOWEVER...
The way that we have taught Shakespeare for years is one that completely disengages kids from him. Yes, the language is frustrating. He has lots of endless soliloquies, and our obsession over rhyming scheme and iambic pentameter basically puts students to sleep. 
We should not spend as much time on Shakespeare as we do, and when we do focus on him, Shakespeare should be remembered as an active participation subject. Fuck Romeo and Juliet, focus on something else. The Roman plays, The Tempest, all of those have some very weird and engaging lore that surround them that is worth picking up.
Shakespeare can be rude, funny, offensive, and wild. Speeches like the 'Brutus is an honourable man' speech from Julius Caesar or characters like Caliban are really, really interesting.
All that being said...
Do not teach Shakespeare in history, for God's sakes. You'll end up teaching that Shakespeare kept a strong historical account.
He didn't. >

This is hard to write without it sounding incredibly boastful, but England does have a very strong theatrical tradition. You're never far away from a local amateur dramatics society, Thespian society or theatre company. Shakespeare is pretty much their bread and butter, and I think that given the nature of Shakespeare's plays- if you can play those roles convincingly, you are most definitely a skilled actor. 
This is why I think English actors are overrepresented in Hollywood. Case in point is Patrick Stewart, who spent decades on the Shakespeare circuit, then got the role of Captain Picard in Star Trek are figuratively blew everyone out of the water with the quality of his performance. >


You're never far away from a local amateur dramatics society, 

Ah, you've met my family >

I will grant you that most curricula do a bad job of teaching Shakespeare, and I’m inclined to agree that Romeo and Juliet is a terrible starting point, and the comedies are even worse. It takes time to make sense of the language, and comedy is so language-dependent. Having to read footnotes that spell out the jokes does not make them funny. 
My vote for the best intro to Shakespeare is Macbeth. Ambition and greed and murder and tyrants? If you watched Game of Thrones, you can probably get behind Macbeth. >


If you watched Game of Thrones, you can probably get behind Macbeth.

If Game of Thrones were taught in English classes, it would suck. Reading the script, as is done with Shakespeare, would ruin an otherwise entertaining series.
Reading the script to anything is not as fun as watching it. >

You do know it's a book adaptation...? >

Part of the problem is that Shakespeare is meant to be watched, not read.  Reading Shakespeare is boring.  WATCHING Shakespeare, with actors who know their roles inside and out, is breathtaking. >


Reading Shakespeare is boring.

Reading Shakespeare yourself can be boring. Listening to your 14 year old classmates, some of whom could probably barely manage The Gruffalo, attempt to read out A Midsummer Night's Dream is EXCRUCIATING