>

it's true bc having children is wrong.
/u/whats_new_7052 (OP) has awarded 2 delta(s) in this post.
All comments that earned deltas (from OP or other users) are listed here, in /r/DeltaLog.
Please note that a change of view doesn't necessarily mean a reversal, or that the conversation has ended.
^Delta System Explained ^| ^Deltaboards >

With any of these 1 liner phrases it can be detrimental.  The early bird catches the worm, doesn't mean you should wake up so early that you get less then 8 restful hours of sleep.  Its just gentle encouragement espousing the value of waking up early.
There is no good time to have a child is advice that makes sense in a certain context.  If you 28 years old making 80k per year, no debt, stable housing situation, plenty of disposable income etc.  You want to have a child someday, but your busy with work at the moment, you haven't traveled as much as you want to yet in life, you don't fee super mature yet, being responsible for another life is scary, etc etc.
If you want to have a kid, and you able to have a kid, but you're a bit nervous, then you will have no difficulty finding excuses to delay.
That's the context in which the phrase makes sense.  Its not meant to be a blanket statement that applies in all situation. >

∆ yeah, 1 liner phrases are dumb 
I’ll just say the impetus for this post was hearing someone say this to a close couple who is very very far from this context. I think some people don’t realize this phrase gets used even outside of the situation you’ve presented; and people really do take it seriously. >

Confirmed: 1 delta awarded to /u/jatjqtjat (183∆).
^Delta System Explained ^| ^Deltaboards >

the phrase means "don't let perfect be the enemy of good"
​
also for some there is no good time since 1-18 is underage 18-24 is poor 24-35 is career building 35-50 is increased risk of birth defects >

I think you're divorcing the wording of the phrase from its common use. The expression isn't the assertion of rule that having a child at any point in life is equally wise. It's a rhetorical device intended to warn people against delaying having children indefinitely in anticipation of progressively better starting conditions. It cautions people against delaying due to unreasonable expectations or aversion to disruption. >

∆ I concede the point that it’s useful if only in what you and others are saying is “the common use”.
But my experience is that it’s not only used in those situations. It’s a very ubiquitous phrase, and I’ve seen it said to people in very different contexts and those people take it seriously due to its ubiquitousness. >

Can't blame the phrase for people's judgments when it makes sense to use it. 
​
I mean, the phrase, "even a broken clock is right twice a day" makes no sense if it's digital with indicators for AM and PM. When that clock is flashing 88:88 it's not actually correct twice a day - but if someone uses it in that context, it's not the phrase that's incorrect, but the user who is misapplying it. >

You are misinterpreting the phrase.  The purpose of the phrase is to call out that there will never be a perfect time in your life to start a family - there will always be some factor that needs to be corrected or some other that could/would be better in X amount of time. If you wait for the "perfect" time to have a child, you'll end up having no children at all.
It is to help people realize that the right time to start a family is when they want to start a family, not some unknown point in the future when things will be "perfect."  The goal is to encourage, not discourage. >


It is to help people realize that the right time to start a family is when they want to start a family

which is a dangerous mindset and leads to bad outcomes for children >

On the other hand, what happens if you wait for so long that you're too old to play with your kid? That's part of what the phrase means. There are tradeoffs to every decision. >


there aren’t better or worse times to have children

Eating an extra large supersized shit sandwich is worse than eating a kid's meal shit sandwich.
Neither are Good. >

Here is where you are wrong.  The unsaid part, followed by the phrase in question is this:
There are clearly some bad times to have a baby, but outside of those bad times, there is no good time to have a baby. 
Nobody knows what thr next 40 weeks will bring them, good or bad.  Expecting that if you just do this one more thing then it will be a good time is a dangerous game. Pregnancy is hard, even on a young body, and, a pregnancy throws all financial consideration into limbo. Trying to get pregnant is volunteering for chaos. >

Chaos is easier to work through for all involved if you have thousands+ in a savings account over hundreds >

Not the point of the phrase, though.
It's about it not being possible to be fully prepared, regardless of your resources.
Even a billionaire has to take a leap when they have a child.
If you wait for everything to be right, no kid would ever be born. >

You seem to think the phrase means, "All times are equally good to have a child."
That's literally not what the phrase says, and I doubt there are many people who understand it that way. >

No matter who you are, how you've prepared, how much money you have......You will never be fully prepared to have a kid.
It is not possible to be fully prepared, and it's a folly to delude yourself otherwise.
That is what this phrase means.    It's about not letting "perfect" be the enemy of "good enough".
It seems you're approaching it from the wrong angle, is all. >

Lmao, can you tell the future? I feel like wherever you're at personally, you're projecting a lot. Not only can we not even guess what is gonna happen to us even a couple hours from now, but the mindset you've taken only works while looking back at your life. I'm on the younger side (sub 25) I have a kid, and I'm finishing college soon, life is great for me. But for someone who is a party animal, goes out till 3am, you really think we were at the same place mentally? The thing with kids is you need to be ready to be there emotionally, mentally, and physically. It's different for everyone, so yes, there is no "right time" to have a kid. It's all circumstantial. >

The planets on fucking fire, stop reproducing. >


Its wrongness seems obvious, but to articulate it anyway: just because we don’t have the tools to pinpoint the exact perfect time in a life to have a kid does not automatically mean there aren’t better or worse times to have children, or even that that perfect moment doesn’t technically exist.

And that has nothing to do with the saying. This saying is common rebuttal for minute reasons as to why delay having a child. So you are assigning a completely different meaning to the phrase to label it as "clearly wrong" and "detrimental". Which is unsurprising as you already pre-assigned it a clearly wrong and detrimental meaning that is not commonly used in real life.

No one would say this phrase to an eighteen year old just graduating high school.

Because it is known that there is something more than a minute reason to delay having a child? Which makes this situation not applicable for this phrase?

The scientific literature seems to be in consensus that having a stable childhood with as few adverse experiences as possible will lead to greater life satisfaction.

And having a child at any point in life can result in unstable childhood and adverse experiences. Majority of them are not that much related to what a parent can do and what they can do is to do enough. But if they have done enough and are still trying to preemptively resolve issues that may occur, this phrase is applicable - because they are unable to resolve all possible issues that can arise.

I think it’s easy enough if you’re honest with yourself to say, “now might not be the best time to have a kid, and even though I want one and it feels right, for the sake of that child, let’s wait a little longer just in case.”

And waiting longer will inevitably raise chances of health problems during pregnancy, birth and raise chances of health problems for a child. Because that is how biology works unfortunately. >

There's no good time, which means all possible times are equal. Its advice not to try and pinpoint perfection but to understand that it's going to be difficult no matter what they do. >

I mean I'd argue Elon Musk's girlfriend is arguably in a better position to have a child than a teenager. >

indeed