>

It could have been gripped by the husk
Well, it was about that time that the US Government noticed that the Chinese weather balloon was about 200 feet tall and was a crustacean from the protozoic era. >

I gave him a dollar I thought he'd go away >

Well of course he's not going to go away. You give him a dollar he's going to assume you've got more. >

She gave him a dollar! >

We had taco salad for dinner >

Lmao I have an old relative who asked "instead of destroying it, why don't they just use a helicopter to catch it, so that they can fully inspect its components and the data it gathered?", as if you can catch it like Spongebob catches Jellyfish. >

Ahh yes… helicopters at 60,000 feet. >

The Lama set the record at about 41,000 feet fifty one years ago.
It's also the autorotation record, and one of those "That's great lets never do it again" records. >

There is a Llama that flew 41000 feet in the air? How did I never hear about this, I’m a big fan of Llamas. 🦙 >

Her name is pickles and we are very proud >

“Pickles come eat your DINNER!”
Throws casserole at llama. >

That was Tina >

Vote for Tina >

That's not the kind of balloon you get at the party store. >

Have you tried asking? >

Hey, do you have a two hundred foot balloon I could use? >

…for “tracking weather” >

"Why yes we have one right here!"
Made in China >

Are they studying one thing about it a day? Tomorrow there will be a news article that says "suspected Chinese spy balloon was filled with helium." >

Gotta max them clicks! >

The Chinese spy balloon once held an opponents wife's hand. >

...in a jar of acid...at a party. >

I heard... Chinese Spy Balloon's got like.... Thirty goddamn dicks. >

[Chinese Spy Balloon]’ll save children, but not the British children. >

On a horse made of crystal he patrols the land
With his Mason ring and schnauzer and his perfect hands >

I need a physics nerd to calculate the uplift of 4.1 million cubic ft of helium…
Super curious as to the payload capacity now. >

Your arguments for why it wasn't used for surveillance are:


There was a Chinese press release 


Even though it is known to have capacity to change direction, recent wind conditions show it didn't need to in order to have been launched from China (a large country known to launch surveillance balloons).


No further comments necessary. >

Or maybe China knew this too and used it as an opportunity to pretend but still made micro adjustments to view what they needed. I don’t know. It’s all pretty sus if you ask me. They didn’t say anything about it until after we found it. That’s the part that I’m baffled by. If it was purely an accident, wouldn’t you call it out? >

Plausible deniability comes in to play here. >

The only thing that can stop a bad balloon is a good balloon with a gun. >

Or a monkey with a dart >

Sometimes you need a monkey with a sniper rifle >

Need bananas for comparison. >

You’d make a great bot >

This is one helluva compliment that sounds like an insult >

Note to Chinese spies, if you had just launched the balloon in the U.S. nobody would have batted an eye. >

Maybe as a gender reveal party? >

If that balloon had exploded with a bunch of blue powder inside, and Elon Musk tweeted that he's was announcing the birth of his son after the government shot it down with a goddamn F-22 it would have been the greatest prank in the history of the United States. >

Right up until he had to pay for the cost of scrambling those f22s, which would make it the greatest prank in human history. >

The cost per flight hour of an F-22 is about $90,000 and Elon makes 1.6 million dollars per hour. I think he would be okay. >

How many busses is that? >

I thought busses were a way to gauge the level of bussin' something is. >

are the units called bussy? >

That’s bigger than an Eva! >

Get in the balloon Shinji! >

You know, they should have just painted the American flag on the side of it. >

And it can shoot lasers from its eyes, and fuck your wife from two states over >

Step right up >

English, please? How many buses is that?? >

Thank god it wasn’t a gender reveal balloon.