SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by eating McNuggets
POST: I had to wait until the weekend to post this, as per the rules.  It was a casual thursday evening and we were hanging out at mcdonalds, so naturally a couple of us decide to split a 20 piece order of mcnuggets.  I also got a mcflurry because they're fucking delicious.

We eventually make our way to starbucks and hang out there, but soon I begin to feel some sharp, lower intestinal pains, and ask for the code to the bathroom. Turns out this starbucks has no bathroom, so I tell my friends some excuse about buying water and make my way back to mcdonalds, sphincter clenched as tightly as possible. I never get how you guys shit yourselves so often but that was the closest I've been since I was in diapers.

After a block and a half of jogging (I figured a sprint would be disastrous) with my phone in my hand so it wouldnt fall out of my pocket, I enter the famous establishment and rush to the bathrooms, shoving the phone in my hoodie pocket.  Ok, no line.  First bathroom? Shit! It's locked! Second bathroom? Success! I scurry in, quickly lock the door and throw down my pants and toilet seat, not really checking for cleanliness.  I just barely manage to avoid shitting my pants.  The catch? In the process of doing all of this, as I sat down my phone somehow slipped out of my hoodie pocket and fell between my legs into the toilet, by which point my anal evacuation was already halfway complete anyway.  I looked down, realized the fate of my phone was sealed, and shamefully flushed toilet.
TL;DR: 
Managed to avoid shitting myself by seconds... at the cost of my phone.  I'm due for an upgrade in two weeks so there's that.