Title: Adoptive Father possibly sexually abusing oldest child, need advice and help on how to proceed and get answers

Question:
  Cross post between r/legaladvice and r/relationship_advice also I am not sure what to flair this as, I apologize.

I am not sure what subreddit would be best to deal with this and am open to suggestions as far as anywhere else to post it. We really need some help figuring this out right now. Please delete if this doesn’t fit the sub and give me directions on where to best post it.

Here is my concern: I (and my wife) believe that my father is sexually abusing our oldest child (3.5yr old male).

This will be a long post so I’ll do a TL;DR at the bottom. Please bear with me here as I outline his and my child’s strange behavior which have led us to believe this to be the case. And please note, this is obviously a throwaway account. My dad has reddit, and I am not sure of his username, nor anything else he does on reddit, other than having an account on his phone. So, I will be leaving as much identifying information out as possible, so please excuse any vagueness.

I’m not sure exactly what order this should be placed in, so please excuse the jumbled mess that this post will be. I’ll start with my dad’s behavior and then move to my son’s behavior, as I feel like that will be the best order to do this in.  For consistencies sake, my son will be referred to as “Adam”, and my dad/possible sexual abuser as “GPA” (grandpa). Please note that GPA is a gay man, and never been interested in women.

GPA is not my real biological father. He adopted me when I was in my teens. During this process both my real mom and dad called him a sexual predator and attacked his character relentlessly. I was able to brush this off as my mom and dad being jealous and angry that I was making this choice to live with this man, who was basically a stranger, and id known for about a week. During my many years since then with him, there would be times where I would feel he was touchy and would touch me in inappropriate places, but it was easy to write those off as not being purposeful. For example, if I gave him a hug while he was sitting he would pat my butt repeatedly while hugging. We always do pat hugs though and so its easy to see how he’s hugging normal and not really paying attention to where he was patting. But I remember feeling uncomfortable around him many times growing up because of this behavior.

As I got older I got myself a GF, who is the mother of my two children. We had a lot of relationship issues, and we fought constantly, especially while living with him. We eventually moved out when we turned 19. Despite things going well, it seems like GPA wants to butt in on our relationship. He was always trying to break us up, starting drama, and spreading lies, or exaggerating the truth of a situation. He would look for anything he could to turn me against her, or her against me. After we moved out, we had our first child shortly after, (months maybe). He tried to convince me that the child wasn’t mine, but blood tests proved different (the blood tests were required for something else and had nothing to do with any suspicious he attempted to cause at the lineage of my child) He stopped trying to break us up for a while, a couple of years. Then suddenly, he started again around the time my son turned 2. Constantly butting in on our relationship and constantly wanting to start fights or find drama.

His behavior is erratic and never consistent. One day he is nice and wants to be a huge part of our lives and see us more, and the next, he is sick of us texting or calling him. One time, we stopped talking to him for 3 days shortly after our youngest son’s birthday, and he freaked out. Texting constantly about wanting to see Adam, but never mentioning his younger brother. He even asked why we were avoiding him (Again, it had only been 3 days at that point and it seemed weird). He never seems to care about Adam’s brother, and is solely focused on getting Adam gifts, but never his sibling. He asks and offers to watch Adam but getting him to watch his brother was next to impossible.

GPA constantly disrespects our parenting. If we say no to something, he will get it anyways. We have had to throw away hundreds of dollars of popsicles, candy, and other treats and sweets that Adam’s GPA has bought, despite us telling him not to. When he shows us, he shows Adam, and presents it by saying “Look what GPA got you bud” and when Adam would ask for one he would hand the box to one of us and say “You gotta ask your parents bud, I’m not sure if you can have one”. Of course, we would say no, and Adam would proceed to throw a tantrum and begin crying for his GPA, who we would then promptly send home followed by more “I’m sorry bud, your parents say I can’t stay”. This behavior is not exclusive to this though, GPA always puts the blame on us. He points out that it is our answers that don’t let Adam do things he may want to do or have things he wants. Instead of just saying no in general, he shifts the blame to us. “I wish I could watch you bud, but your dad says you can’t stay”, “I wish we could play but your mom says we can’t go outside right now”.

I feel it is important to note that GPA has talked about his sexual past to me many times. I usually just ignore him, but if you listen to what he says it becomes disturbing. According to him, he lost his virginity at age 12, to a 19-year-old man. This is something he recounts as positive. He talks about his other sexual encounters up through his teens, all of which were with much older men then he was. He sees nothing wrong with what happened, and he sees it as he was doing what he wanted as a sexually explorative 12+ year old. To me, this is starting to sound like he was the victim of multiple sexual abuses, and recounts it fondly, as if it was okay what happened to him.

Now to get into my son’s behavior. He has an unhealthy addiction to his GPA in my opinion. Whenever he gets hurt, he calls for his GPA even though both me and his mom are there comforting him. He always wants to go over to see his GPA, and cries and tantrums if we say no.

At a young age, around 2 years old, my child became really interested in his butthole. He would constantly run and hide and try to put things up his butt. This was odd enough, but we would get him to stop, and then he would see GPA, and would start doing it again. This went on for a whole year and was a consistent pattern when you look at it from an outside perspective. Which is very concerning. When Adam goes poop, he requests his GPA to come wipe him, instead of me and his mom if GPA is over, or we are at his house. At his GPA’s house, he often closes the bathroom door when going to the bathroom, something he rarely does at home.

At home I have this “tent” that I set up for Adam in the walk-in closet. It is where Adam sleeps most nights and he loves the “tent”. It is covered with a blue beach blanket nailed into the walls, with a twin bed shoved in between the back of a small dresser and enclosed shoe bench. It is basically Adam’s safe space, and I often sleep in there with him. This is relevant for the following reason. The most recent time where there was a clear and awkward disobedience to our wishes was when his GPA was over last. Adam’s mother asked him to take a shower, Adam responded by yelling and screaming at his mother for disturbing him and his GPA in his tent. He was angry, and lashing out, which he never does to me or his mother. He always asks us to join him in the tent, and instead of asking us to join him, he was yelling at us to go away. To add to it, GPA refused to leave the tent as well. When Adam’s mother told him to leave the tent because otherwise Adam won’t, he said, “I’m working on it” and then took about another 2-3 min to do so. Unfortunately, Adam’s mother didn’t have the sense to look inside the tent to see what was going on. Maybe chalk it up to fear of confrontation? Or just trying to handle the other child was hard enough and she didn’t think about it until later?

After this, about 3 days later, I asked Adam if his GPA ever touches him, and this was his response: \[GPA\] “touch my butt, touch my penis, touch my shoulders, touch my head, touch my eyes ….. and that everything” (and that everything is his way of saying he’s said everything he needs to say/covered everything). I proceeded to ask him if anyone else touches him and he said no, then I asked about specific people since my general question didn’t get me anywhere, I asked about, including but not limited to: me, his mom, his brother, and his great grandma. He listed shoulders, head, eyes, and feet, for all of us, except for his brother who he also said touches his penis, which is true, his little brother constantly grabs at his penis when it isn’t covered.

I proceeded to explain that those are places no body should ever touch but himself and that it is inappropriate and wrong. He agreed, and I told him to tell us if anyone ever did, and to scream and tell them to stop right away. He agreed again.

Later in the week he asked to see his GPA again, we said no and this was his response: \[GPA\] “can’t touch my penis, can’t touch my butt, only touch my shoulders, my head, my eyes … and that everything.”. I immediately asked again if his GPA has ever touched him in those places and he looked away went “uhhh…….NO” with a giant smile on his face, the smile he gives when he tells me he didn’t drink my soda I left on the counter, and the smile he gives me when he is hiding the candy he saw in the store from me and trying to steal it. A.K.A. his *lying* smile.

\[I feel like I should point out that he has also said I touched his penis and butt in the past, and he has also claimed his GPA has never done it before I asked him this most recent time. My son gives conflicting stories and I’m not sure how much truth there is to be had in them. He has also said some things about me that aren’t true, so I question the validity of his statements\]

All of this leads us to strongly believe there is something wrong going on, and we want to figure out how to best confront the situation and get answers. If he is doing something we want him to be punished for it, but if he isn’t, we don’t want to start unnecessary family drama. Right now, we have limited contact with his GPA, and stopped all in-person contact. Most of all, we want what is best for our child. His GPA does help up financially, and we would have a hard time living the life we do if it wasn’t for him. The biggest financial help he is giving is that we are renting his house that he owns for significantly less than it is worth. In a great and safe area. We don’t want to lose that just on assumptions that something is wrong.

So please reddit, help us out here. How do we proceed and what should we do from here? We can’t just confront him because IF there was something, he would stop knowing that Adam is able to or willing to tell, and that would prevent any justice from being done. We are at a loss for words and unsure of what is really going on. We are hoping it is all in our heads and that its just his GPA trying to be “the best GPA” and not anything of what it looks like. I can deal with that, but I can’t deal with my son being taken advantage of.

TL;DR: Adoptive father may be sexually abusing oldest child. Disrespects our parenting, blames us for our decisions that makes our son upset, gives him things we say no to, has his own history of being sexually abused. Son addicted to him, son told us he touched his penis and butt.

Answer:
 If you think your child is being sexually abused, go to the police/ hospital and have them investigate.    Ask for a forensic evaluation.

That is the only correct thing to do if you suspect your child is being sexually abused.

And stop allowing him to be unsupervised with his grandfather, obviously.


Title: Harrassed by the police for being gay?

Question: [deleted]

Answer: It is entirely possible that the bylaws have something about public displays of affection. It isn't unusual in smaller towns.


Title: (Not sure if this is the right subreddit) Rented an apartment with lease starting today, they changed the unit I would be moving into because the one I looked at was no longer available.

Question:
(Virginia) So they told me the one they were gonna put me in was exactly the same, it isn't. I am fairly sure it is at least 75 sq/ft smaller and has a deck about 1/5th the size of the one they showed me. They also told me that aside from being the same the appliances were actually newer (from 2016) I don't know how to confirm this, but they look like pretty old models. I am happy with the place but I feel foolish paying the original rent for the apartment I was drawn to when the one I'm in feels like a downgrade. Would it be unreasonable/rude to ask about lowering my rent?

If this is the wrong subreddit could someone please direct me to the proper one?

Thanks!

Answer: You just learned a nice lesson. If you are shown an apartment, and want specifically that apartment, make sure the lease you sign indicates that apartment.Answer #2: Does the lease you signed have the address be of the unit you were shown or the address of the current unit?


Title: Overdue book being charged ~$200.

Question:
I forgot to return a textbook rented through the college I attend in Illinois. It cost approximately 40 dollars to rent and after the semester I forgot to return it. Realized on the 24th that I forgot to return it and the office was closed until the 2nd of January for the holidays. Now I have called them and I was told that I can no longer return the book, however I can bring it in and see what they will offer to buy it back for.

Do I have any way to get more money back out of this than they are offering? The bookstore makes no attempts to remind us that the book is due and $200 is not only an unreasonable charge for this used textbook, it's just more than I can possibly afford to pay.

Thanks in advance. Sorry if this is out of place.

Answer:
 I think this is one of them thar real life skills supposed to learn in college. It's not the book store's job to call and check up on you to make sure you turn in the book on time. Answer #2: As long as they are following whatever rental agreement was in place, you're going to be out of luck. You owe them $200, regardless of the value of the book, unless your contract gives you an out.

For the book itself, it sounds like they're saying that because it was X days overdue, you essentially purchased it. Or it counts as lost, whatever. If that's the case, feel free to put it up on ebay or craigslist if you think you'll get a better price.


Title: Sold a car...big problems

Question:
So I sold my car (in California) in February and totally forgot to file the transfer of liability until yesterday. Today I received a $1000 ticket in the mail for misuse of a handicapped placard dated 4/6. I don't have a bill of sale for the car, but when I submitted the change of ownership (online) I stated it was sold on 2/20. I do have insurance records for when I removed the car from my insurance in February. Am I totally liable or is there any way to go about fighting this?

Thanks, and I know, I'm an idiot.

Answer:
 Parking tickets, even huge ones, are always the legal responsibility of the registered owner, and until yesterday that was you.

Is there an administrative review process in the City where you received the ticket ?

Even if there is, I doubt that removing your insurance would be convincing without a bill of sale.   Is there maybe a check written to you by the buyer, or the buyer's information you could offer to the court ?

That release of liability form was really, really important, and this ticket is a consequence of failure to complete that process.


Title: [AB, Canada] Just bought a property, discovered someone is storing stuff in the garage.

Question:
I just bought a residential property.  There is no house on the property but there is a garage.

The day after closing (earlier this week) I noticed someone going in the garage so went out to talk to him.  He said the previous owner gave him permission to use the garage and he had no idea the property was sold.  The previous owner claims to never have heard of this man.

The man was very cordial and said he would move his things out immediately.  He didn't.  There isn't much there: beat-up ride-on lawnmower, empty cooler, some auto parts.

Can I tell this individual I'm going to clear out the garage and put a lock on it, then follow through if he still doesn't remove his stuff?

Answer:
 Yes. Dude is trespassing and dumping. He his legally at fault and you have no reason to leave his things where they are let alone keep them on the property for him to retrieve.

IANAL, btw.Answer #2: I'm not a lawyer, but I know my tenancy law.  Here is my take:

Whether or not this guy has established tenancy is an answer for the court.  My inclination is "No."
Here is the thing though:
Because it is not included in the Residential Tenancy Act (since it isn't a residence, and he isn't using it as a residence) he has no option to seek relief (sue you) under the Tenancy Act or through the Tenancy adjudication process which costs $100 to file.

Furthermore, matters dealing with tenancy and real property are specifically excluded from small claims court, which costs $150 to file.

This means his only option is to sue you in big boy court.  I.e Provincial Supreme Court.  Practically speaking this requires a lawyer and an investment of around $25,000 on his part to get the ball rolling.

The police will not help him, as they specifically do not get involved in tenancy or civil disputes.

Even if he could theoretically establish tenancy, it's not actionable on his part (and he would still probably lose).

So, tell him he has a week to pack his shit or it's going to the dump.


Title: I stole from Walmart, and would like some advice

Question:
I stole from a Walmart in NJ totaling about $25 in gaming cards. The police were called but they said they wouldn't file any charges or anything.
My question is what other trouble can I get in?

Edit: Thank you guys for all the help

Answer: Almost certainly you will be getting a civil demand from Walmart.


Title: Landlord asking me and my family to leave apartment for 2 days, 7 days notice and no compensation, what can I do?

Question:
They are upgrading the landing outside of my 2nd floor apartment, told us that we can't be in apartment 8am-5pm for 2 days, only 7 days from now. Half our household work nights and don't even wake up until noon.

What legal rights do we have to ask for hotel compensation?

Answer: They're giving you a week's notice that your place will be inaccessible for 8 hours. Not for 2 days. And the hours are during normal business hours. They have no obligation to give you anything except the notice.


Title: A Friend's employer withholding checks until a certain time of day, they are concerned if this is legal? (Michigan, US)

Question: A friend of mine works for a place that is fairly new (1 year). Most of the financials are taken care of by one owner who regularly messes up payroll and things like that. He has recently made a rule that employees cannot grab their check until a certain time in the afternoon. My friend is concerned if this is something that is OK to do, since there are some days when they go in to grab a check with limited free time (single parent of 2) and isn't allowed take it, so they have to come back. They had asked me, but I didn't want to answer so I figured it couldn't hurt to post here. Thanks to anybody for some insight on this!

Answer: Employers can set the time of day that employees are able to be paid; the employer does not have to accommodate someone else's schedule. The pay schedule should be regular and consistent. Answer #2: Employers have pretty wide latitude when it comes to the actual time that they pay employees. They just have to have a regular schedule and then pay "promptly". Unless the employer is already pretty late, requiring them to wait for a few extra hours isn't something they can do anything about. It sounds like a petty power-play by the boss, but there's not much to be done about that.


Title: [NC] Boss demanding I pay for late phone call.

Question: I currently work a fast food job, and store openers are supposed to call the district manager from the store phone every morning when they arrive for set up (4 AM). Today, I was distracted because the other openers were late and I forgot to place the phone call for about an hour. When the DM picked up, he told me that I would be fined for the late call, and when the GM came in later, he asked me if I could bring it in cash after I receive my check this week. I told them my bank account was overdrawn and that I would be unable to pay it as my check would be used up clearing those fees. The GM then told me he would see about just having the money deducted from my check. All of this seems incredibly shady. The fee is small enough (sub-$50) that any legal fees would be a bigger loss, and as a college student I can't afford to fight this on principal. I debated just walking out, but I would end up losing more money due to being out of work until I find another job.

Answer:
 North Carolina requires specific written authorization for payroll deductions.  Authorization must be directly related to this event, and a blanket policy that such a deduction may be made is insufficient.

Your employer can ask you to authorize such a deduction.  They can choose to fire you over the performance issue.  But they cannot legally take the fine from your pay without your explicit permission.


Title: Sticky situation with a employer

Question:
I work for a surgeon, and a coworker I used to work with put in her two weeks and the company decided it would be best to not have her finish out her two weeks. All of her clients were told she did not want to finish her two weeks. This coworker called me to ask if I was given a script to say that and I said yes. She stated she was getting a lawyer to sue them for defemation. Can I get in any legal trouble from my employer telling her management gave me a script? I’m very worried that my employer is going to try to fire me because I gave an old employee information about the company? I’m really worried please help!
Topic:
Employment Law

Answer:
 What are her damages? Has this affected her ability to secure employment elsewhere ? Has it gotten her terminated from the next job before she even started it ?

I am not a lawyer but absent any damages she has no grounds to file a defamation suit. Going forward keep quiet about this. It's her words against yours that you told her about the script you were handed to say to patients.


Title: Possibly getting fired due to illness

Question:
I’ll give some background. I’ve been at my current job in local government for about 2.5 years. Throughout these years, my attendance has been spotty due to anxiety and depression-related issues. One year ago I documented this through FMLA and ADA. Fast forward to a month ago and I’ve been told my attendance needs to improve or I will be fired. Lately my attendance has improved for the most part. However, I spent the entire week in the office with cluster migraines, which has never happened before. I had to go to the doctor and get prescribed medicine on Thursday, but it has not ceased. Friday the pain was so strong, I couldn’t do it anymore and called out. My boss essentially told me I might lose my job.

Basically I’m at a loss for words. I felt as though I was legally protected, but I see that might not be the case. If anyone has any advice it would be greatly appreciated!

TLDR; Might be getting fired due to illness...
Am I protected under FMLA or ADA?

Answer:
 FMLA only protects you while you are on requested FMLA leave. Have you made any reasonable accommodations request to your boss. If your condition worsens and becomes chronic you may want to try and apply for social security disability.Answer #2: > One year ago I documented this through FMLA and ADA.

This doesn't make a lot of sense. You don't "document" things under FMLA, you request a leave of absence under FMLA. The ADA allows you to request an accommodation for a disability. Not to miss work.

> Am I protected under FMLA or ADA?

Neither of those things make people who are ill immune to firing. If you are to ill to do the job, of course you can be let go. If you are to ill to work you should file for Social Security disability.Answer #3: How much time off have you taken in the past 12 months?


Title: [NJ] Daughter involuntarily committed, cold-shoulder from hospital. What are our rights?

Question:
[deleted]
Topic:
Healthcare Law including HIPAA

Answer:
 This is hire an attorney territory, and there isn't much in the way of internet advice that can be of much use to you.

For the things you describe, the hospital will likely have explanations or reasons.  Whether those reasons pass legal muster will be decided in litigation.

If you truly believe the hospital has simply gone rogue and isn't attempting to honor their obligations under the law, Jane's family may consider the additional step of involving a regulatory agency.  Answer #2: Do the parents have power of attorney? Or has Jane been deemed incompetent by a court?

Edit: I know you said you have a meeting with a lawyer, but I just want to add that if the parents are timid and can't/won't be forceful about anything, it is imperative to retain an attorney who can more effectively advocate for Jane. Answer #3: >Contacted an attorney recommended by IFSS. I meet with them tonight a 8 with the mom.

This is really your only and best option at the moment.Answer #4: Jane can ask for an attorney at the hearing before the judge.


Title: Private Lane Right of Way access in Pennsylvania

Question:
Good afternoon. I have a right or way (or easement?) question. I share a lane with 7 properties - they are numbered #1-7 in black on the attached graphic. There are currently houses on #1,3,6,4. The other black numbers are undeveloped. It is my understanding that our lane is a right of way that is shared across all of our deeds (#1,2,3,4,5,6).  I happen to live in house 3. Each property is at least 5 acres. My property is a little over 100 feet wide for scale.

House #6 happens to be a lawyer. One day he noticed a series of flags that went back our lane and then followed the red line (approximately). He started asking questions. It turns out that a property owner, I think #7 or 8, would like to build a driveway that attaches to my lane - so he can build/sell a house. It is currently land locked.

I am not exactly sure what lot is of concern - but the logistics are the same.

It turns out that the owner of #7/8 also owns #9 or 10. Lots 9/10 are developed and have a shared lane with road access - their "other lane" is pictured, the road access is cut off in the pic.

So, it appears that the owner of #9/10 does not want to have a driveway cross his property onto #7/8, but would rather have it cross over #5/7 to reach our lane. Obviously my neighbor (#6) does not like this idea - just like the owner of #9/10 doesn't like that idea.

Property #11 is also for sale and is very large - potentially a housing development.

Neighbor #6/4 have been talking about it since last summer. They also have convinced themselves that eventually #11 could get access via #7/8/9 to our lane - and if that was developed with a dozen houses - at the least our lane might have much more traffic - at the worst the township would take it over and make it a proper road.

Today my neighbor called me and scheduled to meet with my wife and I tomorrow evening to discuss this in more detail - everything above is based on a 1 year old conversation and the details (lot #'s) are my best guess based on GIS info.

I think that the builder is going to ask us to sell right of way access (easement?) for a one time fee to #1-6 so they can connect to our lane. Based on our (#6) brief conversation today, in a short time, the builder is going to follow whatever process is necessary to get get access.

Based on our 1+ year old conversation, the neighbor would prefer that we not take the money and help him prevent any lane across his property.

Knowing that I am meeting with the neighbor tomorrow, I have a few questions:
1. What is the correct term, right of way or easement?
2. Does the builder need to get our permission?
3. Can the builder eventually, through legal means, get permission against our will?
4. What is the pricing strategy for this type of right of way?
5. Is it reasonable to ask #6 for a one time payment to support his decision?
6. Can or would the township turn our lane into a proper road in the future, against our will? I do realize they can via eminent domain.

#6 is a lawyer, but he is older, and he worked for the mining industry - in fact he worked in Obama's Cabinet for 8 years - I say this because he is not a "general" attorney and last I talked to him he was not even familiar with GIS when were talking about deeds.

Warning, lawyer joke: It also turns out that the builder is also a lawyer! When my neighbor was telling me this stuff - he asked me who the hell could do this - a lawyer I responded!

FWIW I typed this stuff and decided to delete and then leave it, in case it was helpful...

This is also mountain property that is littered with weathered logging roads.

3/4 of our lane is a logging road that #4 had improved (including electricity/cable/phone poles) when he built his house.

The far left long property line is a township park.

Along the "top" of 1,2,3 is also a logging road that attaches to "other lane" on the left and a proper road on right (not pictured) with a gate.

House #4 was the first house and has maintained the lane for several decades. My house is the 2nd oldest - being built in 2000.

House #4 maintains the lane with his equipment and does most of the snow removal, although I also help when they are in FL for the winter.

Answer:
 > What is the correct term, right of way or easement?

Easement

> Does the builder need to get our permission?

Generally, yes

> Can the builder eventually, through legal means, get permission against our will?

Maybe. That's a fairly complicated legal question. As the properties are landlocked, it's possible. However, as there are contiguous properties owned by the same individual and one has road access, the court may say that the current road access is sufficient. If you're wanting to see about blocking it you're going to want to talk to a local lawyer.

> What is the pricing strategy for this type of right of way?

No way for us to tell, it depends far too much on factors we cannot assess on this subreddit. Talk to the lawyer you should seek about it.

> Is it reasonable to ask #6 for a one time payment to support his decision?

Sure, go for it.

> Can or would the township turn our lane into a proper road in the future, against our will? I do realize they can via eminent domain.

Maybe, no way for us to know what your township wants. It's possible for them to do so, if they wished.Answer #2: I'm not seeing a link to a picture. If you could edit that in, then that would be quite helpful.


Title: Small Business - Employee increased my (25/m) health insurance premium to cover his (64/m) high premium

Question:
Located in Oklahoma. I just discovered a document that I’m not sure is official in a company drawer. In 2016 my employers (63/m) health insurance premium was 789.25 a month, while mine (24/m) was 267.36, and my coworkers (25/m) $268.43. For the 2017  “quote”, all three of our premiums were $460.15, effectively doubling my premium. He says he pays half but in reality it appears he raised our premiums to pass his portion that was higher onto my coworker and myself.  This would mean I’m paying the full amount myself.

We are a 3 person company and my employer doesn’t know I have discovered this. I don’t understand how his premium could possibly be the same as ours and this seems illegitimate.

Answer: Pretty sure that's legitimate. He's pooling all of your insurance costs together, which is a common practice. The fact that he personally benefits is immaterial. As a small business the employer gets a lot of leeway, up to not offering insurance at all.Answer #2: Unless you have some sort of contract saying otherwise, this is totally legitimate.  Picture a much larger company, with thousands of employees, and 10% of those employees account for 50% of the costs...they're all likely going to get charged the same. It just feels worse here because the disparity is so directly out there.


Title: Charged for racing over 79km the limit (ON, CAN)

Question:
Was pulled over by OPP and was shown the radar gun which read 180km I was in a 100km zone.. I was not driving that fast, I've never had a speeding ticket in my life.  I told the officer there was no way I was driving that fast and his response was that he had to drive 160 to catch up to me. My car was impounded, at the tow trucks request I had to pay $1400 cash to get my car out (at least he provided a receipt).

I had my gps plugged in at the time and have since downloaded the record of that trip which reads that in that during the trip the  fastest I  was travelling at was 120km/hr. Is this enough evidence? It's the officers word against mine. He clearly made a mistake but thaat is enough proof?

Edit: ontario, canada

Any info appreciated

Answer:
 For my fellow Americans, he was accused of going about 112 mph in what would likely be the equivalent of a 65 mph speed zone. 120 kph would be like 75 mph.

That is some insanely dangerous speed.


Title: Insurance company pursuing me for damages after I had to deal with $60k in medical bills. How can I fight back?

Question: GA, USA. Their driver struck me while I was in a crosswalk but the pedestrian light was not green. I was given a citation so I think safe to assume in all cases moving forward I am "at fault". I have dealt with over 60k in medical bills and am not interested in paying for damages to the car that hit me. Do I have grounds/recourse to argue my case enough to speak w a lawyer? I am told they will be pursuing litigation. Insurance co is State Farm.

Answer:
 >am not interested in paying for damages to the car that hit me

Well that's nice. But you caused damages to someone else's vehicle. So you will be paying.

You should speak to a lawyer when they sue you.


Title: Sexual Harrassment at University (England) [serious]

Question:
This is quite a difficult topic for me to discuss, but I wanted to raise it here anonymously before doing anything in the real world. It regards something that happened a few years ago.

During my degree, one of my professors would contact me often outside of the normal student-teacher relationship. It became rapidly obvious that he had a crush on me. The situation was complicated by the fact that I had to contact him regularly for study advice. I repeatedly told him that I wasn't interested in him, but when I did so, he would stop helping me with my studies. I was working extremely hard at that time.  I needed to obtain a very high mark in order to get into the career I wanted.

After months of this, and getting a few bad grades on what I felt were good papers, I started talking to him again to try to improve the situation. In hindsight, I realize that I should have discussed this with the University at this time.  I thought about it, but I was scared that a lot of fuss over a few emails would jeopardise my exams which meant everything to me at that time. I was absolutely terrified that he would do something to destroy everything that I had worked for.

Things escalated and he became more and more demanding. One night, he demanded I come to his house. I knew what this meant and it made me feel sick. However, I was scared and felt like I had to go. I know that sounds stupid, but that's what happened.

I ended up sleeping with him. He didn't force himself on me, but it certainly wasn't something I wanted to do. For weeks afterwards,  everything I tried to eat made me sick. I was deeply depressed for months before I accepted what had happened. I find it hard to trust people now and I think this experience has done lasting harm to me.

He is a horrible man and what he did was wrong. Since this time, I have heard that I am not the only student he has done this to.

My question is: has he actually done anything illegal?

I've tried Googling this and found some articles on 'coercion', but couldn't understand whether it was against the law, here in England. I am very grateful for your advice.

Edit: location is [England] [UK]

Answer: Go see an adviser, trusted.professor, counselor or attorney and discuss reporting him to university


Title: Slipped and fellon ice in front of a residence in Chicago, ended up with a broken knee. What are my options?

Question:
On Wednesday, 1/1, early in the morning around 6am, I was coming home from some NYE festivities (not intoxicated) and slipped and fell on a patch of ice next door to my building. I broke my patella bone (kneecap) and required emergency surgery to screw it back together. I had to be hospitalized for two days afterward and just got home today (1/3). I'm still processing all of this, but it was pretty traumatic and I'm sure it's gonna affect me for a while.

I'm going to be out of work for a long time, and I'm not sure I can even go back to my job. I just started working as a hostess at a cafe and had only worked there for one shift before this happened. I'm also a full time undergrad student and I've had to cancel a J-Term (pre spring semester class) trip to New York. My college is in downtown Chicago, and I'm worried about getting to and from campus from home (I live about 2.5 miles away, but I use public transit to get to and from).

I guess I'm wondering what my options are. I didn't take an ambulance to the ER, my boyfriend literally picked me up and put me in his car and drove me there, so unfortunately, there isn't any EMT or police record on file for what happened. I'm worried that if I pursue legal aid, it's going to become a "he said she said" situation.

I'm basically just wondering what my options are in this situation. I still haven't decided if I'm going to do anything, but if I have a decent case, I may go forward with this.

Answer: Tough case. What do you think the property owner did wrong? In Illinois, you can't recover for falling on snow/ice unless it was an unnatural accumulation ([PDF warning](https://courts.illinois.gov/CircuitCourt/CivilJuryInstructions/125.00.pdf)). You can and should discuss it with a personal injury attorney (most will do free consultations) but I would expect this to be difficult.


Title: When Someone is Paid Future Medical Expenses, How Are The Expenses Issued?

Question: Do they get a lump sum of cash equal to the amount? Or are their future medical bills for that particular injury paid for in the future after diagnosis?

Answer: Future damages are estimated as much as can be done, reduced to net present value, and the amount is awarded as part of a presently collectible judgment.


Title: Custody

Question: I have one six year old with shared TEMPORARY custody papers with my ex BOYFRIEND who is on the birth certificate, whom changed the temporary agreement with a pack of bolonge and bread. Stating, "I just can't take it." So its been three years with me getting weeks and him weekends. It would benefit my childs educational reasons to change it to every other weekend. The father also lied and signed him up for a school in his district not remotely close to our district (ONLY THIS YEAR).  I can't afford a lawyer, can I change it via text with him having to take me to court if he refuses since he technically gave me 90 percent of the time?

Answer: Holy dysfunction Batman, do you want to try and edit so we can understand it? Who has custody and when, according to a signed legal document? What does bologna and bread have to do with anything? Text messages typically aren't considered a legal document.


Title: Can I be arrested?

Question:
CA
Today I witnessed a car transportation truck(those trucks that hold 4-5 cars) swerving in between 2 lanes going opposite directions, running 3 cars off the road and nearly hitting a parked motorcyclist on the other side of the street.

After seeing it take place for several minutes, I filmed the guy swerving and attempted to take pictures of his license plate.  I then called the police to give them the info I have, but left out the filming for now. My question is, can I be arrested for filming/being on phone while driving to get proof of the reckless driving.

TL/DR: filmed extreme reckless driving while driving, can I be arrested/fined for letting the local police have the clips?

Topic:
Traffic and Parking

Answer:
 Using a cell phone while driving in California is not an arrestable offense, it's a fine. And the cops may choose to not fine you because of the circumstances.

https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/cell-phones-driving-california-law-29709.html


Title: Update Domestic Dispute: Need Help

Question:
Please read my prior post [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/50vvzx/strong_case_to_put_him_away_even_for_a_short_time/).

We tried to work things out again, and I believed him. I believed him when he told me he loved me and I fell for everything again. One day, he tells me that everything was a lie and that he wants nothing to do with me. He blocks me, refuses to offer any explanation as to why he went from loving me one day to doing this the next. Distraught, I visit him at his work place and try to hug him, hold him, plead an explanation out of him. He calls the cops. The cops come in. He's scheduled to file a restraining order today.

I'm willing to just let this go... I've had enough of this man. I've had enough of this. As if the heartbreak and confusion wasn't enough already, he turns the tables around on me.

I understand my offence. I understand that I was not supposed to have done that. I co-operated with the police. I calmed myself down. I left when they told me to. I am fully aware I should not have been there, and I regret it completely. I understand restraining orders do not give criminal records unless violated.

I know what I did, showing up at his work place trying to hug him and get him back was legally wrong. I understand everything I have done that could put me in a bad place. I understand that legally speaking, he has every right to file the restraining order and such. I implore you guys to read the previous post and get the gist of how I got myself here.

I didn't manage to get help the last time I asked reddit... Because he told me he loved me and wanted to try again. I thought maybe all his past threats were harmless now that he wanted to try again. It was my mistake, and I deeply regret it.

My parents want to press charges and pursue legal action. I just want to rid myself of this person.

He has promised to pay the 5500 CAD that he still owes me within the year.

If I were to entertain my parents ideas, what should we do?
Is it safe for me to leave this alone and will I not have a criminal record given that I won't ever want to talk or see this person again?
How can I ensure my family and my personal safety? How can I ensure the safety of my future regarding criminal records?

I am scared he will step on my personal property and do something bad. I have witnesses who know what he is capable of. He and his sister. He may even press further charges if he finds anything that can remotely incriminate me. I have copies of everything. Screenshots, phone calls, text messages, pictures. He managed to turn the tables around and paint me to be the crazy one. Now, I don't want anything to do with him. Getting over a breakup with a psychopath is hard enough, dealing with the consequences of being in a relationship with him isn't something I'd like to have with me for life. I want this to be over and done with.

How can I protect myself, legally?

Answer:
 Call the police if he comes to your property.

Leave the man alone, do not violate your restraining order.


Title: [WI] Process To Skip A Grade?

Question:
My grades have always been above grade level, the work is simply too boring and easy for me. I'm looking to see if I can skip a grade level.

School started only 4 weeks ago for me, would it be too late or at the wrong time to skip? What is the process to go through to skip a grade level?
Topic:
School Related Issues

Answer: This isnt a legal question. Ask your parents.


Title: Dog issue

Question: My dog attacked another dog today. The people seemed very nice about the situation but I'm just concerned if they change their mind and decide to sue. I told the people before meeting my dog has had issues in the past with other dogs and they still insisted. I have the texts showing that I explained she wasn't good with dogs. Is there anyway I could get sued if they decide to? I am putting my dog down because I cannot take the risk of her doing this again or worse to a person but I'm just worried about legal actions.

Answer:
 If you knew your dog had a history, why wasn’t he/she muzzled? This is impressively irresponsible.

Please do not put the dog down. Give her to a rescue where they can work with her aggressive behavior, or find an owner more suited to handling aggressive dogs. Your inability to control the animal should not result in her extermination.


Title: [CA] I live in public university housing as a graduate student. My housing department wants to kick me out in three weeks (20 days) since I stopped being a student. Am I required to move?

Question:
Basically the title. My program finished a week ago, but we never received any notice to vacate. Today, the main office called and said we have to move out in 20 days. I know the law requires 30 days (techincally 60 days if the residency is 1+ years), but are there any exceptions in public college housing? The person on the phone said that I should've submitted an "intent to vacate" after my classes finished and, since we didn't, we now have less time to move out.

Help!

Answer:
 Did it not occur to you that you couldn't live in subsidized student housing as a non-student?  Check your lease.

You can beg them for an extra 10 days, I guess...


Title: Towed after 2 years of parking the same way with no notice because of new management. Also fined more than the regulated towing rate because of contract with the apartment complex.

Question:
I have lived in the same apartment complex in texas for 2 years now. In this complex there are both reserved and open spots to park in. Each apartment comes with only one reserved spot.In the 2 years I have been here I have asked management to deal with cars parked in my spot at least 15 times and I have always gotten the same reply. They say "oh I know who that is. I will talk to them about it" and the car gets to stay in my spot for the night. Sometime after these "talks" the car will continue to park in my spot until I go to the front office to complain multiple times.

Yesterday I hear managment stick some papers in our door which is pretty normal except there is a letter about calls concerning missing vehicles. It basically says if you car is gone call so and so towing. This scared me so I walked outside and sure enough my car was missing.

I was parked slightly over the white line. This made it "difficult" for the car next to mine to get out. (I happen to also own the car I was parked next to) the worst part is that in my city towing cost for parking violations are capped at 175 by the local police but because my apartment has a contract with the towing company so I had to pay $300 to retrieve my car.

My contract with the apartment does say that I can be towed without notice if i am parked illegally but I am wondering if I have any room to fight back since they changed there philosophy on towing cars without notice. They also signed a contract with the towing company that lets the towing company patrol the apparent grounds looking for violations without notice.

Also, can I do anything about the higher rate. I have the pictures showing my car parked on the line. I am not double parked, I just am touching the line. Is this technically illegal in Texas?

Sorry for the formatting, on mobil.
Topic:
Traffic and Parking

Answer: Your only argument is they breached their duty by not securing your spot. Your decision to violate your duties is irrelevant to that.


Title: Arizona: My child needs continued trauma therapy but I’m sure my ex-wife will say no.

Question:
Backstory:  My 6y/o had been sexually abused by her mother’s husband.  He was recently convicted and sent away.  According to my ex-wife, our daughter was seeing a child trauma therapist and she was doing just fine.  All of this happened while they were overseas and I was stateside.

Today:  I get a call from my child’s therapist and things are not at all what my ex says.  My ex-wife stopped taking her to the sessions and when the therapist had them both together he said it was not good.  They both argued with each other like children, it was as if there was no parent figure.  The therapist also informed me that even after the trauma my ex-wife was constantly giving our daughter to babysitters so she could leave the house.  Currently my daughter is with me.  She’s enrolled in school and thriving in a stable home.  I have joint legal custody but my ex-wife has the last say for medical and education.  My daughter needs continued therapy but I’m positive my ex-wife won’t allow it.  What can I do legally if my ex-wife won’t allow the therapy?  I will also be contacting an attorney ASAP about this as well but I’m hoping I could get a head start and advice here until tomorrow.  TIA.
Topic:
Custody Divorce and Family

Answer: You contact an attorney and go to court and say that your ex-wife's medical decisions are terrible and the court should override them or give you control of medical decisions.Answer #2: IANAL.  First I want to say I am soo sorry your daughter and yourself are having to go thru this. It completely breaks my heart but it's wonderful she's with you and thriving.  Second, check your custody papers. Typically they say one parent has exclusive rights for approving invasive medical or dental procedures, but that each parent separately has the *independent* right to seek psychiatric and psychological treatment of the child. If your papers have that wording you don't need mom's consent. Just be upfront with the therapist and take your papers with you to the first appointment so they can have them on file.  If your papers don't state that I would contact your attorney to get that amended asap.


Title: IS THE INSURANCE ADJUSTER TRYING TO SCREW ME?

Question:
Sorry for the wall of text and possibly bad grammar, I'm on my phone.

I was in an accident about two weeks ago. I was sideswiped on the highway in Texas and the damage to the cars wasn't too bad. However my shoulder  has been hurting as a result. The other driver admitted fault the other insurance quickly covered the damage to the car.

I was pretty soar after the wreck, more soar than I expected. I took the day after off of work but I can't afford to take anymore. I thought it would go away but did not for about a week.

After a week I made an appointment with a chiropractor and have gone to two appointments. I have personal injury coverage on my own insurance that is what was billed. However I made a claim with the other drivers insurance.

Today I got an email and a subsequent phone call from the other companies adjuster that basically said they didn't think it was possible for me to be injured in such a minor accident. He said they would make me an settlement offer ($600) for the appointments and pain and suffering and encouraged me to accept that offer immediately.

He's not a doctor, he hasn't even received the medical records from my chiropractor. I don't understand how they can decide how I could have been injured.

I work with my hands and arms and am constantly soar because of this injury.

I talked to my adjuster and he said that I didn't have to take that offer and that didn't sound right.

I'm concerned and confused about what to do from here, am I going to need to hire a lawyer.

Answer: What did your *real* doctor say?


Title: HOA letter and threst for lien

Question:
Ok, long story short, I purchased my house in 5/2017 and during the entire buying process, we were never told about a home owners association, nor provided with any information about one.

In talking with my neighbor in 5/2018, she briefly mentioned how the HOA is annoying. I questioned an HOA and told her I never heard about one. She said dues were due in 12/2017 and we should have got a letter, but she didnt have any contact information.

Well, in the last week a letter arrived at our house addressed to the previous tenant from a weird realtor company, not one either of us did business with in 2017. Turning to Google, turns out it's the HOA people. The forwarding of mail had recently expired for both us and them.

Assuming the letter was meant to be for the actual home owner, i opened it (probably shouldn't have). And it's a threat to send our house into a lien for not paying and a fee and the HOA dues (about 125$), since our dues were never paid in December.

I called the number and never heard anything back. Now my SO is concerned that our house is going to go into a lien, even though we never agreed to be apart of the HOA, nor signed anything about it. They never got back with me.

The deadline for this threat of a lien is this Friday.

Advice on how to proceed?

Answer: Call your title insurance company


Title: [US] Taking out a personal loan and paying off student loan debt and then declare bankruptcy?

Question:
I was wondering what is the legality of taking out a personal loan from a bank and then using that to pay off non-bankrupitable student loan debt and then declaring bankruptcy on the private loan?  Is this legal? What are the risks involved? Would bankruptcy judge/court not allow you to declare bankruptcy depending on what you spent the money on (student loans?)? The student loan amount is about $40K ish.
Topic:
School Related Issues

Answer: You are a genius and nobody has ever thought of this before...... April fools!


Title: If I'm working for a secular NPO that gets bought out by a religious NPO, can I lose my job for being an atheist?

Question: I am currently employed as a mid-level administrator in a relatively small secular non-profit organization that serves individuals with disabilities in Iowa. Due to big changes that have been made to the Iowa Medicaid system, it has put pressure on a lot of small NPOs to merge with or get taken over by other larger NPOs to save administrative costs. Our small secular NPO has been in talks to possibly get absorbed into another, much larger NPO here in Iowa that also serves people with disabilities. However, this larger NPO is a religious organization that requires a statement of Christian faith from its employees. I happen to be an atheist, although I've never really brought this up with any of my superiors or coworkers. If our little secular NPO gets absorbed into the larger religious NPO, and I don't sign a statement of Christian faith, is there a chance I could lose my job?

Answer:
 OP, the law on this is kind of shitty. It can also be really fact-specific, and I don't want you to give us enough facts where maybe the new bosses might see and connect the dots any more than they already can.

You can contact the EEOC and ask; they might tell you it's all hypothetical until you get fired. If so, reach out to some employment attorneys, maybe pay for an hour of someone's time to get the best possible answer.


Title: Injured at party, home owner wants compensation [Phoenix, az]

Question:
Okay, so, while at a party, my kid (27, m) used the stripper pole they had recently installed.

Other people used the stripper pole also.

The second time my kid was on it, using it in a completely normal fashion for this device, the pole broke in some way, and dumped my kid on the floor, sprained his wrist and wrenched his neck.

A week or so later, he was told by a friend of the homeowner that the homeowner would like him to pay to fix the stripper pole.

To the best of my knowledge, from what my kid told me, he was not using the pole in any way other than its intended use. Therefore, he bears no responsibility for fixing it, as far as I can see, right?

What I was hoping for in this post, is guidance on appropriate language that he should use to respond, that unequivocally declines to accept responsibility.

Maybe it's as simple as "The pole broke through no fault of mine, as such, I bear no responsibility for the cost to fix it."

He's a bit naive about such things, his first inclination was to tell them he's sorry, he'd really like to help... I told him he really shouldn't say that, and that I would look into some clear way for him to say he did isn't responsible.

TIA for any and all suggestions!

Answer:
 Your understanding is correct.  If he were walking down the stairs and, suddenly, the stairs collapsed, would it be your son who was responsible?  No.  The homeowner might be liable for his injuries, though.

In any case, I suspect that anybody who has a stripper pole installed in their house probably did not go through the work to make sure it was installed properly.

The correct response should be "Here are my medical bills caused by your stripper pole."

Note: if your kid were, say, 400 lbs, then the homeowner might have a claim.  It's reasonable to expect that a stripper pole isn't intended to hold a 400 lb dude.


Title: My ex-friend is blackmailing me for 200k

Question:
Note to any Feds lurking, I'm behind VPN, so save your time and money on someone else.

I don't want any judgement. I sell and cut molly. I make a good amount of money from it, and I market it to rich white college students, so it's relatively safe. It's become my full time job, and I enjoy it. My friend, Eric, helped me with this. We split profits 50-50 originally a few years after Molly became a thing. Admittedly, I started taking more profits half year ago, maybe up to like 60-40. I need the money, I do science crap of measuring and cutting, all he does is sell to other middle-men. There was some crap with something he sold being tainted (it was absolutely not), and he got blackmailed by some of the people who were 'poisoned'. They wanted some amount of money (Eric told me 200k, but I doubt it was more than 10k) for the medical costs and the trouble. Eric is now demanding that I pay the 200k since I'm the one who cuts it. This is a lose-lose situation or some sort of win-backstab situation. I'd ask on relationships, but you all are better with being logical and keeping out the 'don't sell drugs!!' shit. I know it's unethical to sell drugs. It's a personal choice, and I'll take responsibility for it, but that doesn't stop me from trying to get the best outcome.

No location, somewhere in USA

**Note that I have changed some details of this story, so don't be nit-picking. The main point is that my friend is blackmailing me for 200k saying that he'll give out my name to the people who are blackmailing him**

Answer:
 > Note to any Feds lurking, I'm behind VPN, so save your time and money on someone else.

Lol.

> you all are better with being logical and keeping out the 'don't sell drugs!!' shit.

You must not come here often.

Do you have a specific legal question?
Answer #2: One of the problems with operating outside of the law is that you effectively lose many of the law's protections. You likely cannot get a legal remedy for the blackmail without giving yourself up.

My recommendation: stop doing illegal shit if you want to stay out of trouble. Answer #3: >Note to any Feds lurking, I'm behind VPN, so save your time and money on someone else.

It's cute you think that matters.


Title: This Is a Very Peculiar Question

Question:
I was driving the other night, and I got pulled over. It turns out, there is someone with my name or a very similar name with a warrant. Apparently I found out police plate check during red lights etc. I was pulled over, and eventually cuffed and sat in a squad car for what felt like forever. I gave them 1000% permission to search my car, because I do not do anything illegal.

My confusion is, when they take my license, don't they run my name and DOB at the same time? What happened was, after a little bit of time, they came back and said "Mr. John Doe, youre not the one with warrants." Why did they not know it before I was in cuffs? They had my license, I gave them my insurance, and everything :/

And I am not disparaging law enforcement, they treated me with the utmost respect. I am just curious how those kinds of things happen.

Answer:
 Maybe the date of birth was also similar.  Maybe the officer misread it or made a mistake.  Maybe the person with the warrant uses numerous names and dates of birth so the DOB isn't of immediate assistance.

There are a hundred reasons that chain of events could have happened.


Title: My roommate's dog bit my friend, and is saying she doesn't have the money to pay the bill. How should my friend move forward? [Indiana, US]

Question:
This happened about a month ago. The wound wasn't serious, but my buddy wanted to play it safe and get it checked out. His insurance is covering all of but like $200 of the bill, which my friend can't afford to pay. When he told her about it, and that she'd need to pay, she said she can't afford it (which she could if she budgeted effectively). He's not received the actual bill yet, just a statement from his insurance declaring what they'll cover.

Would small claims court be the best approach for this? How long would he need to wait before taking action?

Answer: Yes small claims. He can give her a due date of a week or two. If roommate still refuses to pay he will likely have to sue.


Title: Someone sent my girlfriend fake screenshots of me planning to cheat

Question: [deleted]

Answer: The other time you posted this girl2 had screenshots from your POF account just fyi you should keep your story straight


Title: [Missouri] I have proof that my real estate agent lied to me and purposely tried to kill a deal due to a difficult seller.

Question:
So this is an update to my post from yesterday (link below).

https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/4qugsi/missouri_my_girlfriend_and_i_are_under_contract/

Obviously, I wrote that post when I was emotional. It showed my complete inexperience when it comes to buying and selling homes. Today, the seller reached out to me and after speaking with him for about 45 minutes I am 100% sure that our agent purposely tried to kill this deal.

The seller and I are now on the same page and it turns out we aren't actually out of contract yet. Our agent had been lying to me because of the fact that the seller is a pain in the ass. Yesterday, he told me that he had extended an offer to the seller and that the seller declined. Without getting in to too much detail, I have proof that what he actually did was call the seller and tell him we were out.

The seller has requested that his commission be dropped to 2%, and our contract states that we would have to cover the other 1%. Is his breach of contract grounds for us to get out of paying the additional 1%? I feel that at this point I can request that he or someone in his office continue preparing the documents for us, and let the seller and I hash the rest of it out together. Thanks as always!

Answer:
 I am not a lawyer: I'd contact his licensing board, which I believe is [here](http://pr.mo.gov/realestate-disciplines.asp) and file a complaint along with the seller. If there's a breach of trust, they'll want to know about it. I assume they'll also be able to advise you further regarding breaking the contract due to these actions.Answer #2: Thank you all for your input. A lot has happened since Friday and I don't think I had fully processed it all last night. I emailed him this morning and am going to give him a chance to respond with an explanation and his side of the story. I also talked it over with the VP of our group. She reviewed the messages between he and I/he and the seller and she agrees that pending his response, we need to report him.

Finally, the seller and I are considering informing the broker that we will be proceeding on our own. Thanks as always guys! Answer #3: Could always let him know that you know you've been lied to and ask if he'd waive his commission.


Title: (TX) Wife's manager uses mass texts at all hours to share info; wife is non-salary.

Question:
Will try to be concise. My wife is a hospital nurse and for over a year now her new manager has been sending mass texts to all nurses on the floor after work hours. The info she shares is usually spread across 10-20+ texts over the course of an hour  and really seems like things that should be shared through internal email, memo or one-on-one for reprimands.

My wife is a wage worker so is paid by the hour instead of salary. She gets these texts after 9pm 3-4 times a week to her personal cell on her days off and they usually foul her mood. I've asked her to go to her HR and let them know but she doesn't feel there is any actual wrong doing that she can report.

When I worked as a manager, HR was very adamant about things like this because it would open them up to having to pay overtime. So only salary had access to email at home and wage workers couldn't take work home.

Is there anything here, legal wise?
Topic:
Employment Law

Answer:
 Is the manager requiring your wife to respond or take action, or does your wife have the option of simply ignoring the texts? Answer #2: I think your wife should document when she reads the texts, and responds, and then turn those hours into HR.  They can then decide to pay your wife OT for it, or tell her manager to knock it off.

Also, [I believe there is a ruling that texting is not HIPAA compliant](https://www.hipaajournal.com/is-text-messaging-hipaa-compliant/) unless it is with a secure texting app Answer #3: Yeah, she has to be paid for any work she does. I have paid employees for 30 minutes when I had a quick 5 minute conversation with them.

If she is dealing with work in her downtime, she has to be paid for it.

There was recently a local company sued in a class action suit for almost exactly this reason. Answer #4: I don't know the legalities, but as a nurse whose worked for several hospital systems it would be unusual in my experience for this to be an official operating policy. Your wife should definitely talk to HR. The only official texts I've received for work are usually shift alerts, which we have the option to opt-out of it we want. Any texts between staff or our manager are much more limited to 1:1 communication about whatever. Answer #5: NAL but IT enthusiast Do not disturb mode works wonders.... you can do it for a specific message thread on iOS by looking at the message, clicking the info button, then hide alerts. Im sure android probably has something similar.

If she ever gets questioned on not responding just say it was disruptive so it was silenced.


Title: Highschool made me sign a paper for a class

Question: I joined this class, and am suppose to stay for one year, but the class is not a class that needs to be taken in an order, as in I could leave and come back and not have missed anything.  The paper they made me sign said I'd stay for one year, but I dislike everything about the class.  It's very selective, so I won't say the name, but basically I want to quit for the next semester.  I'm going to confront my counselor, but I'm worried she'll bring up that paper.  I'm only 15 and live in Minnesota.  Do I have to stay in the class because I signed the paper?  Thanks in advance for the help.

Answer: Was it English by chance?


Title: (CA)Found out my GF had been cheating on me. Confronted her and she went crazy on my car.

Question:
Hey everyone, throwaway because I don't want to be linked to this craziness. All this happened last night and I am pretty emotional so i apologize for my grammar and formatting mistakes. I would greatly appreciate some advice on what to do regarding property damages and also to see what kind of hot water I could be in for my part of this crazy fiasco. This is also my first time on this sub but I have read all the rules and believe this would be the most helpful place for me. Before I explain what happened, I just want to be clear that I take full responsibility for my actions and this post isn't about trying to help me avoid the consequences.

I have been dating this girl for 2 years now. The first year and a half our relationship was long distance. Yesterday I went over to her parents house (parents are on vacation) while she was at work to feed their dogs for them. While there, I ended up snooping on her Ipad and found evidence that she had cheated on me multiple times while she was living away from me. Needless to say, I was pretty devastated. I text her some screenshots of what I had found and pretty much gave her a piece of my mind. When she got off work she called me and asked me to meet her at her house so she could explain. Deep down I knew this wasn't a good idea but I felt like i needed some closure and to hear her side. HUGE MISTAKE.

I met her at her house. While inside, I tried to stay calm while i let her explain what had happened. It was really hard to listen to and my emotions were running wild. This has never happened to me before and I've never been hurt like this. We talked for about an hour. Throughout the conversation, I called her alot of choice words and a few times I broke some things. Nothing valuable but incase it's releveant I will specify. I threw a vase of flowers I had just bought her two days before into the sink, and knocked a couple items off the table I was sitting at such as a wine glass and a tray of TV remotes. I never got physical with her and even though she tried to force me to give her hugs and physical affection I calmy told her to stay away from me and refused to engage with any physical contact. After a while we both realized things were getting very heated and she suggested I leave which I immedietely agreed with. This is where things got crazy and where I need your guys' advice.

I walked outside and was heading to my car when she followed me out crying and begging me to at least give her a hug. I turned around and she was on me hugging me but i just stood stiff and didnt reciprocate. I said something, I'm not sure what but I know it was something mean and hurtful. As soon as I said it she just went off on me. She started screaming and punching me. I just kept backing away,held my hands up to protect my face and telling her to stop. After about maybe ten seconds of hitting me she grabbed some metal lawn ornament and walked to my car and started banging it against the passenger side of my car. She hit both passenger doors and both passenger windows. I kept pleading with her to stop and whenever I would get close to her/my car she would just turn to me and hold the metal thing in the air like she was possibly going to hit me so I just backed away and let her continue to hit my car until she was satisfied. This went on for about maybe a minute. Its hard to remember exactly because everything was happening so fast. After she stopped she threw it on the ground and walked inside.

This is where I screwed up. I should have just got in my car, drove away and then called the police. I stood outside my car and inspected the damage. There were gashes and scratches in both passenger windows. The doors had dents and the paint was scratched to hell. I was furious, wasn't it bad enough that she ripped my heart out and lied to me for the majority of our relationship.. but now because she couldn't handle me pointing out what kind of person she really was, she had to go and damage my car. I was furious and seeing red. Her car was sitting in the driveway so I walked up to it, picked up a piece of firewood that was stacked nearby, and I hit her driver side window. I just wanted to crack it like she had cracked mine but the log ended up going through and completely smashed out her window. I immedietely realized that I had F'ed up and walked over to my car and got inside to leave.

As soon as I got in my car her neighbors had came outside. A couple of 20 something year olds ( Im 27 if it matters). I guess they were inside partying and heard the glass shatter when I hit her window. When I saw them walking over I opened my door to explain what had happened. I just heard them shouting something about "breaking people's windows" and one of them suddenly threw a beer bottle at my front windshield. It broke and also cracked my windshield all over. They walked up to me and I could tell they were ready for a fight even though they had no idea what was going on. They didn't come over to check on things or keep the peace, they came over looking for a chance to fight. I was pretty emotional and crying but I just calmy explained to them everything that had happened, how she was cheating on me and how she completely jacked up my car for no reason other than to cause me more pain. I told them I was stupid and wanted to get back at her so I did the same. I think they felt sorry for me because they calmed down and just kept telling me to leave before the cops came. That's what I did. I left, turned off my phone and went home. I know I should have called the police but I was scared, emotional and not thinking straight. My entire world had came crashing down around me in just one night.

I woke up this morning to a vast amount of text messages from my now ex-gf. Multiple apologies for what had happened and what she had done in the past. We texted back and forth some. I have texts from her admitting what she did including how she assulted me, and damaged my vehicle. She has told me she would pay for the damages of my car even though I know she cant afford it. I told her if she did that she could minus the cost of her own window that I had broken.

So everyone.. where do I go from here? I don't know if I should file a police report. I don't want to press charges against her but I am extremely upset about what happened and very dissapointed for my own petty behavior. I have never acted so immaturely and I know that what she did was no excuse to sink down to her level. Even though she has stated to me that she is completely at fault for my damages and that she would pay for them, I seriously doubt this will happen. I know I would have to take her to court to pay for her part of the damage to my car (Which I don't have money for) but I also know she wouldn't be liable for the damage her neighbors did. She also has an uncle who is a lawyer (family law) so I feel like I would just get screwed over no matter what I do. Please help me.. I am completely lost and not in the right mindset to think clearly about what I should do, what my next steps should be, and what kind of trouble with the law I could be in for smashing out her window. I know this whole situation is extremely petty and immature but I could really use some advice. Should I just plan on swallowing the cost of my car and learn my lesson or should I take legal action?

EDIT: I should mention that the cops were never called by any parties involved and there has been no reports filled.

Topic:
Other Civil Matters

Answer:
 I'd swallow my pride and call it a lesson learned but I don't knowAnswer #2: You asked if you should swallow he cost of your car and learn your lesson, or if you should take legal action. What is it that you hope would happen? It's not illegal to cheat on someone, all of the illegal stuff happened afterward, and both of you broke the law.

Your post should be titled, "Both of us went crazy on each other's cars."

Anyway, sounds like you both could use some anger management, which you would be required to complete if you face DV charges. You can try to pretend it didn't happen, and hope she does the same, but there's nothing stopping her from coming forward later. If you move forward legally and file a report, get a lawyer. If she does, get a lawyer. If you try to sue in small claims, be ready for her to counter sue. If she sues you, you have a decent counter suit claim. You may want to document the damage regardless. You got yourself In a tough spot here. Just because you want this to go away doesn't mean she will, or that she will feel that way forever. She should be thinking the same thing about you.

Side advice: best to go your separate ways, relationship-wise. I only see more legal problems for you if you try to make it work.


Title: [MO] Advice requested for giving up parental rights.

Question: My roommate (27M) is seeking to give up his parental rights. The mother didn't tell him that he had a child at all for the first two years, and makes excuses as to why he can't see the child any time he tries. I've encouraged him to look into his options, and giving up his rights seems to help him a lot more than harm him. Since he's already missed the first four years of the child's life by the mom's actions, he's stated that he doesn't mind staying out of the child's life. How do you successfully give up your rights to a child? What are considered valid reasons to a judge? How long does it usually take? How much does it usually cost? What are things about it that I likely didn't find when I Google'd it that I should know?

Answer:
 Here cannot unilaterally decide not to be the father. That isn't how it works.

If there is a step parent willing to adopt then that is when he can terminate his rights


Title: [Philippines] My mom sold our house and gave the title to the buyer but the check bounced.

Question:
This happened long ago (<10 years ago). My mom sold our house and lot. When the buyer first gave the downpayment about lesser than ₱200k (approx. $11000USD), my mother already gave the title of the land because she was given a post-dated check for the rest of the payment. The problem comes when my mom tried to encash the check on the date specified, the check bounced. My mom tried to get them to the court but my mom is not really the smartest when it comes to those things. She said she couldn't handle the stress of the court which was why she no longer continued suing.

Now, I'm already at a legal age and planning to chase after them for the rest of the payment. I have a number of questions before I make a move. Should I let a lawyer go to her and ask for the payment before filing a case, or should I just take it directly to the court? Am I likely to lose against the buyer? If I lose, can they demand for a payment for missing out work, legal fees, etc., If I win, can I ask for more money aside from the payment for the house (inflation, etc.).

Any insights would be nice. Thank you.
Topic:
Non-US

Answer:
 Talk to a lawyer. I doubt anyone here can advise you on Philippines law, and anyway this is too big for you to try to muddle through on your own.Answer #2: So your mom gave away her house for free and it wasn't worth the court stress to fight? Something is missing hereAnswer #3: IANAL but I have some experience with checks in the Philippines.

I think you're out of luck because it appears that the statute of limitations for BP22 (Batas Pambansa Blg. 22 - the Bounced Check Law) is 4 years from when the offense occurred or was discovered.

You will want to consult with an attorney/abogado in the Philippines and confirm the statute of limitations and if it's been extended, they can advise you on how to proceed.

Good luck!


Title: Boyfriend's parents kicked him out and refuse to give him his savings

Question: My boyfriend is 28 and lives in New York. He's finishing up his master's degree and he was living with his parents until he saved up enough to move out, which he was planning on doing by the end of summer. I was visiting him for a few days, and we had a day out and got back to his house at 11pm. His mom was waiting up drunk, started an argument with him, and woke his dad up. Long story short, he got kicked out (his parents, specifically his mom, aren't the most stable of people). We left and got a hotel room, and he tried to call his mom the next morning about his money. He had $4,000 saved up which he let them hold onto for safekeeping. Now, they won't give it back to him and said, "It's our money now." Without his savings, he has nothing whatsoever. Does he have any rights?

Answer: His mom is on the account with him? He's 28! Has she taken any money out? He may need to sue them. (for that and the illegal eviction)Answer #2: He can call the police and report an illegal eviction. If he can prove that that's his residence, they'll ~~force~~ *tell* his parents *that they are legally obligated* to let him stay there until they bring proper eviction proceedings.


Title: (AR) Can I be charged with assault for preventing someone from committing suicide?

Question: [deleted]

Answer: No, it is legal to use reasonable force to prevent harm to others. Also no prosecutor ever is going to file charges for that.Answer #2: No you will not be charged with assault for that provided that the level of force you used was reasonable.


Title: NJ. Was bailed out of immigration jail by my boss and now he is threatening me. Two questions.

Question:
Two years ago, I was detained by ICE. My brother put up 1,000 and my boss says he gave 3,000 and also put his house up for collateral for 8,000. I paid him back the money and have working for him at his restaurant for significantly less then what my coworkers are paying him in an attempt to "pay him back". He told me that his house was getting foreclosed on and I needed to give him the rest of the money to clear everything up because the bail bond called him about it. I asked him for the bail bonds information and he said he was in Florida. This all doesn't sound right so I told him that I would figure out the money situation but I couldn't work for him anymore because two weeks ago he cut my pay down even more then usual. We got into a fight and he told me that if I left he would call the police and say I robbed him. I have no idea what to do.

My questions are: 1. Is there any way to find out who my bail bondsman is and get it switched over so he has no part of it? And 2. Is there any way to protect myself in case he does call the cops if I quit. I have no idea what to do, I thought this man had my back and was looking out for me and now I'm scared of being deported. Any advice anyone could give would be greatly appreciated.

Answer:
 You local ICE ERO (enforcement and removal operations) office is the people in charge of your supervision. If you are not longer on supervision  then your boss should have gotten the bond back. They should have given you paper work when you were released.

Your boss forfeits the bond if ICE detains you again so there's that.


Title: [Virginia] Do I need a hunting license to hunt deer on private land during the regular deer season?

Question:
Quick question but I cannot seem to find the answer on the VaDGIF website. If I am hunting on my uncle's private property, during the legal hunting season, do I need a license to harvest legal deer? The site says I don't need one if I am "license exempt" but I cannot find the definition of what that means.

Thanks in advance.

Edit: Answered - Yes I do

Answer:
 http://www.dgif.virginia.gov/hunting/regulations/licenses.asp

Theres a big list of exemptions, do you meet any of these?

It looks like if your under 12, over 65, directly own or your spouse directly owns the land or if you rent the land and have written permission of the owner you dont need 1


Title: Minor being Exposed on Social Media

Question:
Hi Reddit,

I’m reaching out to you all today because of a personal dilemma. My younger sister has recently been outed on social media as a result of a series of conversations taking place through Instagram DMs. The male she was talking with (also a minor) took screenshots of their conversation and they were messaged to me on social media. Considering my sister is a minor and he is also a minor I am wondering if there are any legal actions I can take on my side. I’m honestly very worried for her health and I just want to make the best of this situation. I know I can speak to the principal and things like that, but I wanted to see the legal side of this sort of thing. I do not know if there are any pictures in this conversation. I was sent a slew of messages and do not want to open them as the few I’ve opened have left me emotionally distraught. Thank you Reddit. Much love.

Answer:
 There is nothing illegal about sharing a conversation online, even if one side doesn't want it shared.

If there are photos or videos of child pornography, that is another matter entirely.


Title: [PA] Is this a legal/HIPAA violation?

Question: In a hospital and hooked up with a heart monitor. Was walking the halls and saw computer screens with all of the floor patients' names and their heart rates. Including mine. Is this legal? Thanks

Answer:
 How high on drugs are you at the moment?Answer #2: Is it legal to have patient information on computer screens in a hospital? Yes, that is legal. Now go lie down. Answer #3: The answers in here have been garbage.  Your question is valid.

It is legal?  Yes.

Why?  Under 45 CFR 164.502(a)(1)(iii) covered entities are allowed incidental disclosures as long as they are related to a permissible use and it's part of a minimum necessary standard.

Since they have to monitor you can the others and labeling those monitors is essential to the activity then yes they need to do this.  Could they encode it in someway, maybe but this institution has determined that it's best to not do so.

It's not optimal but it's legal and normal.  Answer #4: How else do you think the staff can monitor everyone's heart rates and rhythms? And why would you care? I'll give you an example of when you should be upset: I'm a (retired now) RN. When I went into labor with my first kid, I looked at the big white erase board with patient names/attending doc/attending nurse/etc., I noticed a nurse I worked with was also in labor. Next to her name was a big red 'Herpes +' notation. Well shit, now I and anyone else walking through the Labor and Delivery dept knew she had herpes. Pre-HIPAA, but it was still something I'm sure she didn't want anyone to know, considering the fact that all of the entire hospital staff knew one another. That was something to get upset about.


Title: [California / CA] Is my travel time compensable?

Question: I work in retail, and my store is about ten minutes from my house. A number of our associates were recently assigned a day trip to our parent store for a "training session." We were told to work out carpool arrangements (because Parent Co. doesn't want to pay mileage for more than one person) and to assemble at our store the morning of the trip. However, as far as I can discern from our instructions and the written schedule, we're not to clock in until we arrive at the parent store ~90 minutes away. I'll clarify with my manager in the next few days, but if that is the case - am I wrong in feeling that I shouldn't have to spend three hours in a car with my a-hole coworkers for free?

Answer: Under the portal to portal act, I'd argue that you're correct. They could require you to report directly to the parent store, and then wouldn't be required to pay. But since you're required to report in to your home store first, and then travel; then your travel after arriving to that portal should be covered.


Title: Patient died due to severe medical negligence. I want to tell the family-is this legal?

Question: [deleted]

Answer:
 It is not a HIPAA violation to release information about a patient to that patient's personal representative.

That said, I would contact an ethics advisory board about how to proceed in this situation.  You certainly are exposing your employer to liability.  On the other hand, patients should have the right to know if something was screwed up.  Does the American Nursing Association provide [ethics guidance](http://www.nursingworld.org/codeofethics)?  Answer #2: >Because an RN in charge, despite multiple protests, physically blocked the patient and would not allow chest compressions. The patient expired.

Why would they do this?


Title: [UK] Opticians missed melanoma in my fathers eye during check up, sold him glasses instead and last week he passed away

Question:
2 years ago my father noticed that his vision was getting worse, and since he worked as a window cleaner he couldn't be up high places. He went to an opticians for a check up and he was only in for about 10-15 minutes and they sent him away with glasses. Four month later and his eyesight still in decline he decided to go to another opticians. They took one look at his eye and sent him to the doctor where he was diagnosed with an advanced melanoma in his eye. About 6 months ago it spread to his liver and one week ago he passed away.

What chances do we have with suing the opticians ? He didn't get the complete check up when he was there and they managed to miss a cancerous tumour on the back of his eye

Answer:
 Sorry for your loss.

An optician isn't a medical doctor, so I have doubts there would be an expectation an optician should be able to diagnose a cancer. Answer #2: Sorry for your loss.

When you get an eye exam,  it's up to you if you want the comprehensive eye exam or just the vision test when you fill out the paper work.

Your pupils need to be dilated (it makes your eyes very sensitive to light) for the full exam and they stay dialated for hours after you leave....so it might not have been an option if he drove himself there that day.


Title: Are anonymous email services actually anonymous?

Question:
Here’s a hypothetical scenario; not planning anything, this is out of curiosity.

[Anonymouse.org](http://anonymouse.org/anonemail.html) has a service where you can anonymously send emails. (I’d imagine there are other websites similar to this).

Let’s say someone felt like doing something highly illegal, such as make a bomb threat. They use other measures, such as TOR, TAILS, VPN, public WiFi, and a burner device. They then use Anonymouse to make their bomb threat.

Bomb threats are serious. How hard would it be in this hypothetical scenario for the feds to track them?

Answer:
 They can be really anonymous for most practical purposes.

Long ago, my ex-wife emailed me insults violating an order of protection in my favor that required her to avoid email contact with me. She did so using an anonymous email service based in Canada. I reported it to police and they said that they couldn't investigate because their jurisdiction ends at the border.Answer #2: Nothing is anonymous online, the only question is how much time and money will it take to peel back the layers and identify you.

Oh, do you know who created tor? The US government. Do you really think there’s no backdoors?


Title: Nelnet refuses to approve student loan forgiveness

Question:
Location:Missouri
My wife has been a Speech Language Pathologist for over 5 years. She has worked at a title I school and finished her 5 years this May. She applied for the Special Education $17,500 loan forgiveness from the government
https://studentaid.ed.gov/sa/repay-loans/forgiveness-cancellation/teacher

If you scroll down it says that "If you provide one of the following services, you qualify as a teacher only if you are licensed, certified, or registered by the appropriate state education agency"

My wife is licensed through DESE which is the Missouri department of elementary and secondary education (DESE)

She got her initial denial letter about 6 weeks ago from Nelnet. Then she called and escalated it through another company who said they didn't understand why they (Nelnet) didn't approve it. They asked her to fax her state credentialing to them and they received the fax
Today 7/6/2017 she got her second denial letter from the second company, saying it had not been approved

My question is what are our options? To everyone we talk to they say it should be approved, then it gets denied

Answer: You might get some other answers at r/studentloans  There are some knowledgeable people on the sub.Answer #2: What reason are you given for it being denied?


Title: [CA] Red and blue lights on civilian vehicles are illegal?

Question:
Howdy! So I'm an Uber driver and have seen those cool light up Uber/Lyft/Sidecar decals around and when I asked Uber here in LA about them, they said they were illegal because red and blue lights are reserved for emergency vehicles.

I had never heard of this before and found nothing when I googled or when looking in the vehicle code.

Thanks
Topic:
Other Civil Matters

Answer:
 [Its illegal](http://www.leginfo.ca.gov/cgi-bin/displaycode?section=veh&group=25001-26000&file=25250-25282) if they flash, or if the red is forward facing and steadily burning.

You are generally safer with green lights, though if the flash, that could be an issue too.


Title: I signed a lease to rent a room, and included that I own a dog. Now renters are saying no dogs allowed.

Question: So I moved in with 2 of my friends at the beginning of July. One of our other friends moved out and the property is manages by an older couple. I have a dog and when filling out the lease there was a question asking if I have a dog. I said yes and listed its breed and weight. The propery owners came over this morning to discuss yard maintenance with my other roomates, and my dog barked when they knocked on the door. Now I am being told they don't allow dogs and have to either leave or get rid of my dog. I pointed out on the forms they had me filled out I informed them of the dog and they approved it. Now they are saying, "i should have asked about dogs because we dont read the applications".  What is my best move here?

Answer:
 Was the dog information you filled out on the actual lease? Or your application?Answer #2: What does the lease itself say about dogs and pets? you seem to be using 'lease' and 'application' interchangeably here. Answer #3: Do you have copies of all the information you gave them and all forms filled out including the pet information?

If so, I would confidently tell them no, and that they are free to file for an eviction and the fact that they didn't read the information is their problem.

Be prepared to not be able to renew. If you're month-to-month, they can give you 30 days notice to get out regardless of the lease.


Title: Audited 6 years in a row 0 fines almost no revisions and has cost my company at least 6 figures. How do I make it stop.

Question:
And possibly recoup some expenses.

Company has operated since 1972 with no restructuring. Audits started 2010 and haven't stopped. (United States in a state with no state income tax.)

Answer: There is no way to make the government stop auditing you.