Human: I'm going to a wedding next month and need to know how to tie a tie. Assistant: 
Tie a Windsor Knot
1. Start with the wide end of the tie on your right side, then cross it over the narrow end.
2. Bring the wide end up through the loop on the back of the narrow end.
3. Then bring the narrow end down through the loop on the front of the wide end.
4. Pull both ends tight, then make two small loops in each end.
5. Take the wide end around behind your neck and pull it through the first small loop.
6. Take the narrow end around in front of you and go through the second small loop.
7. Pull the knot tight and adjust the size of the loops if needed.