because i think everyone , regardless of sexual orientation , should have an equal opportunity to be tortured by their mother into a wedding designed not to celebrate the nuptials of two people in love , but to allow the mother of the bride ( s ) to prance in all her glory and to scream hot-faced about the ribbons on the table centerpieces being the wrong shade of hot pink and to worry obsessively that uncle marty will ask the band to play `` stairway to heaven '' at the reception .