i ask him if he agrees with me about what the end of her sentence probably was , and then i ask him what shortcircuited in my brain to call the note cute , and how is it even possible to be both attracted and not attracted to someone at the very same moment , and whether maybe i am a robot incapable of real feelings , and do you think that actually , like , trying to follow the rules about shutting up and not caring has made me into some kind of hideous monster whom no one will ever love or marry .