i am worried that cliff will send me back to the bad place if i tell him the truth , but i feel so guilty sitting there - and then i 'm talking at cliff , spilling everything in a wild slur of sentences : the big giants fan , the little giants fan , my fistfight , the eagles ' loss to the giants , my father smashing the television screen , his bringing me the sports pages but refusing to speak with me , my dream about nikki wearing a giants jersey , tiffany saying `` fuck nikki '' but still wanting to run with me every day ; and then nikki teaching sylvia plath to defenseless teenagers , my ripping the bell jar in half , and sylvia plath sticking her head in an oven .