my brother drove me to my old house in maryland , and it turns out that nikki is still living there , which i thought was sort of strange , especially since she has a new me - this guy phillip who works with nikki as a fellow english teacher and always used to call me an illiterate buffoon because i never used to read literary books , '' i say , leaving out the part about my strangling and punching naked phillip when i caught him in the shower with nikki , `` and if i were phillip , i probably would not want to live in my wife 's ex-husband 's house , because that is just sort of weird , right ? ''