it bothered him , he suddenly knew , because the thing that had sparked his success , the thing that had made him escape his neighborhood and muscle his way into a top-tier college , the thing that had kept him from giving up the hundreds of times he wanted to give up , the thing that had made him seize the business world with both fists and driven him to make money , and then more money , and then more money still ... the thing that had done all that was ... hell .