i kept thinking about the people behind me-they were mostly adults speaking a variety of languages-and feeling embarrassed or whatever , feeling like a ghost that both comforts and haunts , but finally i made it up , and then i was in an eerily empty room , leaning against the wall , my brain telling my lungs it 's okay it 's okay calm down it 's okay and my lungs telling my brain oh , god , we 're dying here .