it 's clumsy at first , but then we find a rhythm , and his fingers ... oh , god , the way he touches me makes me come apart before i 've even stroked a dozen times against him , and i 'm shuddering and gasping with my mouth open wide in a silent scream , and then a few moments later it happens again , and i 'm breathless and he 's desperate against me , moving as if he ca n't find enough purchase to let go .