but it was a very convenient excuse for me to latch onto that - i mean , it was bella , and i needed to protect bella , and saying i just got into your face because you did n't take enough care was a hell of a lot easier than to say , hey , i actually really got off on seeing her writhe in real pain , and i want to do something like that , too - maybe not to her , but , who knows , if she 'd want me to , why not ?