jeremy found himself holding his breath as the rest of it came together like the neatest of puzzles , too far-fetched to believe , too obvious to ignore ... ... rachel , who had been lexie 's best friend for years ... who had access to doris 's journal and knew what was in it ... who would have known that doris had given it to jeremy ... who was having trouble with rodney because of lexie ... and alvin , his friend , who still talked to jeremy 's ex , old friends who shared everything ... `` rachel was here , was n't she , '' jeremy finally said , his voice cracking with anger .