she shouted and her voice shouting my man 's name in the middle of the night while she was standing out on his deck after she made his life a living hell because he believed in her , he wanted to guide her back to herself and she did n't let him ; after she touched jonas the way she did ; after guessing that she did n't touch him much better his whole life either physically or emotionally ; after the night we had , sunny in the hospital , shambles in shambles ; after the last few months of topsy-turvy road guiding us to each other - i lost it .