and as i tried on dress after dress trying to find one to get married in , i thought about the men in my life ( by the way , the first dress i 'd been instructed to get i 'd found right away - a wedding dress , not so easy and , incidentally , i 'd done a detour from walker 's instructions in order to buy a bikini , a hopeful effort that i might eventually get to veg beside a pool where every girl knows she can let the sun bake away her life , however crazy it is , and i needed that for certain ) .