then i spent the next two hours writing to my fiance explaining , in detail , what a timeout meant ; what it meant that he did n't know how i took my coffee ; what it meant that he did n't understand how much it hurt when he asked me to sell charlie 's house ; how lonely i was , even when i was with him ; how it felt , him not making love to me , being affectionate , making me feel desired or desirable ; how much it bothered me that , even though i 'd talked to him about all of this , even wrote him other e-mails , it did n't ever seem to penetrate ; and lastly , the part that took the most time , how it was n't going to work out between us .