in any case , scared to move or not move , to stand or sit , to talk and be sociable or totally reticent , intimidated in his guffaws and his enjoyment of getting me riled with all behavior , no matter what it was , to be excoriated , and with my sister a four star general in his wars of sadistic derision , i didnt kill or even think of harming these two reprobates , and to a large degree that should be ascribed to the influence of the medication that without it could have brought me into the lowest circle of dantes inferno110 , an inferno of compunction as painful as perennial flames .