i chose a forbidden path and left the person i 've been living with for years in a trail of dust behind me , the little boy i was , the teenager i hated , the self loathing self harmer , the drunk , the pothead , the passionate musician , the hilarious outgoing life of the party , the glue of many groups of friends , the charming disarming ladies ' man , the effortlessly excellent writer , the heart on his sleeve feeling bearer , the drunk , the suicidal lonely heart , the dodger , the drunk .