-a story / i guess it was a story i do n't know how what maybe fantasy would be a better word / pornographic erotic what 's the difference / we 're such base creatures at heart men especially i do n't mean to sound / i 'm not saying they 're worse or less worthy or that we 're / i just / there is a lowness to us / as a species i mean / we 're lower than animals i ca n't put my finger on it / men should know better they do know better we all know better but they can not stop themselves i pity them i suppose as a gender those poor cruel brutes like children like cruel children you want to punish them but at the same time / you ca n't help loving them i do n't mean sexually well maybe i do i do n't know it 's all mixed up in my head always has been i 've always loved men even when i was young just a teenager you know they used to call me the slut not a slut but / the / can you believe that a little old schoolteacher like me they used to say back in high school that i would suck any boy 's cock they said that i would fuck for money that i / they made jokes / exaggerated / i never felt like any of them really knew me not a one i was so desperate to know them i just wanted to share something but they would never share it back they were so shy such little boys they were so afraid of themselves i only wanted to see what was inside their minds those male minds i only ever wanted to know / there were only a few boys too i guess they were afraid they told stories and the people they told told more stories you know the way it can all snowball spin out of control / the other girls besides my friends i mean the other girls acted like they were ashamed of me / some of them jealous i do n't know i wonder if maybe they thought i knew something they did n't / of course i did n't know anything did n't have any answers i just was n't afraid to ask the questions .