if i were back at the office , instead of showing my toothbrush holder to some tsa guy who looks a helluva lot more like a terrorist than i do , i could be on the phone making calls and , when i get a lead on something that could make us some money , then , if necessary , i could go down to my friendly local airport , take off my shoes , put my keys and wallet in the x-ray coffin , squeeze into a seat , breath some germs and big mac breath , circle friggin ' oklahoma city in a rain storm , rent a car that smells like pulled pork farts and drive out to west yahoo to meet my new best friend .