: and then the same nurse wheeled the now fixed-up thing in to recovery where they left it in dim light , barely visible , pale nonetheless , as with its own light , a near casualty worse for the wear , and lara looked and looked and had the sudden and chilling certainty that here and now , in this quiet and antiseptic darkness , now and here ( so quiet she could hear the rest of the hospital as a breathing , rushing about thing all around her , as a well-controlled mayhem taking place in all directions , around this heart of stillness ) ; in this quiet now and here she had a choice : she could stay , or she could go .