scared to stand , to sit , to put on socks , trousers , and shirt , to part my hair , to be around them , to be scolded for going into my cage in my retreat from them , only the books i checked out from a library , that which descartes said were an interview with the noblest men of past ages , who have written them , and even a studied interview , in which are discovered to us only their choicest thoughts106 saved me .