and the browncoat told the tsarevich that his mother had been a blind woman , blinder than a bat since day one , but that she moved faster than any human he had ever encountered and she was always running at full speed , clicking her walking stick up and down ahead of her faster than the most furious of onanists , and she would attack corners and curves at the most delirious of velocities and she knocked him down once in the kitchen and she was moving so fast that he couldnt walk for four months while she ran away unscathed and hadnt even felt him being crushed against her knee but that if one were really lucky one could observe her around their tiny apartment for some hours and map the patterns of her movement and time everything just right and jump towards the ambush spot precisely one second before she was due to pass by and one would , with a bit of luck , land onto her back and latch onto her neck for pointless life even as a young adult the brownback had very precious convictions and ride the fastest ride around but even so many werent so lucky and would land too soon and be cut in half from the waist down by his speeding mother but for those that succeeded the extra weight would not bother his blind mother at all for at least two to three hours and only then would she come to a violent and unexpected stop and look and touch around her and one had to be careful because if one wasnt careful one could fly off her and be flattened with inertia against the nearest wall .