in my deepest dreams , i wandered with my brother and lover in a valley of mountains shaded with my clutching fears , groping uphill towards my pitiless heartaches , and remotely , when i at last tired of this wandering , i never to attain good peace or fleeting rest , at last i came ? as though to an opening deep within my ? soul , finally owned , and thus i stopped all my realistic animate fears , so , idly stroking my cooly smooth and velvet forearm 'gainst my lover 's radiating warm and noble muscular side for an honestly final instant of beloved time .