that day , the day i got home from the hospital , from my appointment with the youngish but best dr mason , handing over ten pounds to the taxi driver , fumbling with my purse and handing over the money , not wanting any change , not wanting to prolong the moment when yet another stranger could look at my exposed face , swollen and mottled with tears , could look and feel whatever they wished , pity , curiosity , or nothing much at all , my face laid open to them .