cest la vie which is why sometimes clichs really do work the best when i leave i shall not return there remains no point in returning for i do not wish a resurrection nor a holiday i only wish for you to be with me like it once was and shall never be again unless i come to meet you which i have been thinking about seriously but not so seriously that i 've achieved a new bravery because i 've already mentioned that still it 's been on my mind and it remains so now that i 've truly made my mind up about leaving which i do now forever today for the last time chris eighteen ruth is still not speaking to me .