often he explained this to himself ; perhaps a justification , or a rationalization of why , on such days , he found himself in the black tunnel , trailing his feet through freezing water , feeling with his hands what he could not see with his eyes , expunging via the passage that feeling of guilt - guilt itself an expression of anger , anger at himself , no longer separable , no excuse or schism sufficient to remove painter from painting , sculptor from sculpturethe two inexorably bound , whether they agreed or not , whether they enjoyed each others company , whether they desired nothing but pain and separation .