what little of me i garner that isnt predicated on the improvised roles that i invent to be as apposite for harmonious social interaction and memorized script that goes with the job that i have to perform to survive -- what i do a compromised , unfulfilled dream of a man found not to be so exemplary with talents and skills that are mediocre at best but enable him to fall into this commonplace rut to survive the way the earth falls into the rut and groove of space that stops it from being drawn in fully to the sun or ricocheted out of the solar system from the second of the foci61 -- this deeper self that is found in discernment , is not based upon a fixed and stationary query of matters so much as motion .