chapter thirty-seven mai tied in knots ddwhats a shorty 2 doive stirred le pot for sure but now should i ladle out my bowl or let it sit and simmerit really was like a scene from macbethacross the foggy moor comes a witch 2 cast a spelland from the look on his face he seemed ensnaredwhat would it feel like 2 have 40 yrs of life or lives , parallel lives , revealed 2 u by something small emerging from the grayit would have been nice 2 c what he did after that dramatic scene , but turtle told me id be dead if i got her car back any later than 12shes going to new haven2 c jimmy prescottwhich makes me wonder y she chose here instead of there when she spends most of her time therebut , dd , if she had gone to eli u , shed probably b up here seeing wally simmonsbut if i could have floated unseen in a mist what would i have seen ? drinking , surely , lots of drinking and more petting of the catwhose name he says is joaniepetting , like an old monk with his well-worn beadsbut what elseanger at having his life turned topsy-turvy , fear that ill get my needy claws in , milk him for the past and not let goor , worse , a creepy fear that hell open a closet and find me w/fire-eyes , hatchet in hand , ready for some frontier justiceor lonely , lost , fidgeting w/what-ifs and whys and what might have beens , pondering , wondering , pondering , mindless fingers picking at his chinor , and most likely , a shrug at serendipity and back 2 the office to lift the phone 2 make a call or 2 , get on the horn and make some music happen , and , dd , what would i want to happen ? break his heart , chill it , warm it , tear it from his chestclueless in cambridge , getting as good as ive given , maybe even more , of turmoil and confusionso much so i almost called mamasanlet her make the calldo u want 2 remain a fatherless child , or do u believe that god blesses the child whats got his ownmaybe best is to let resthands off the phone , hands off the wheelwhich really isnt a choice since the wheel is eli-bound for at least the weekendif he can keep working , maybe i should do the same .