as the days light insinuated itself , slid across the humid smoky air to caress hais shoulder and turn it the color of toffee , when our fearful , fearsome flesh would touch and our smells mingle and our individual heats , if fate decreed , beget a thirdi often wonder if i would have loved her so much if i had not killed her grandmotherwho killed my comradeswho were comrades to those who had glazed her daughter in napalm .