and she was happy in the small odd neighborhood that was part blue collar part businessman part bohemian , but her older brother was never happy , and when the years had passed and ww ii came he enlisted as soon as he could , and announced proudly to his father ( he was always ashamed of his father ) that he was leaving forever , and when he left she felt lonely and stuck , and the girl whose steel wheels struck sparks in the shadow of the convent in the innocence of youth felt her first yearn of doubt and wonder , and now the family was not so well off she had been supporting them ( and all her younger brothers and sisters ) by working and cleaning up at the convent , and sometimes when she was cleaning in the building 's upper rooms at night she would look out and wonder where he was and what he was doing , and nothing within sight of that boxy building , be it the downtown or her own house , seemed enough and everything looked too small for her , like her own worn-out clothes pushed several seasons too far .