i let the secret out then , into the open : i let harriet announce me to the world , to the papers , to the radio reporters , to the television stations , to the millions of the world that now wanted to see me and touch me and know me as the son of harriet brown , and i saw the crowds waiting in london , as i touched down from my brief flight from stockholm , and the crowds waiting for me in new york , and the mob waiting for me outside my apartment , waiting for a glimpse of me leaving or returning , and the reporters with their blinding flashbulbs stalking me like they have stalked her ; and i saw my face on a rainbow of front pages , shielding my eyes from their glare , running away perhaps , or turning back to smile with an effort ; and i saw a life wrested from me and thrown to the maws of curiosity , and suddenly it was brilliantly clear to me that this was the last thing i wanted .