then it starts , that same morning , or the following morning , memory seems deceiving , but it starts , and it starts from the toes up through her calves to her thighs up the inside of her thighs and all she can think about is to stick something up there , something big and pulsing and then ride , ride like a seesaw up and down and it burns even harder at the thought of that and she has to scratch and the moment she does the nunswho observe her through the little window in the padded doorunlock the door , twice , and come rushing in , two or three strong ones , and they strap her down to the bed with leather straps not as well padded as the walls so that she cant scratch and the burning , which at first felt kinda nice actually , intensifies and grows teeth and now rips rather than strokes and there is nothing she can do about it for she cant move her hands now and she knows , she actually knows , that she is going crazy for absolutely and definitely sure .