i must be a scholar in the comprehension of every pain imaginable , however minor , even those yet unheard of , even those yet unfathomed ; must tolerate each with the temperance of a saint ; must learn to wield these weapons as though they were my very appendageswield these with the resolve and discipline of an assassin , and plaster upon my forgettable countenance , for the pleasure of my audience , an insightful and edifying , albeit artificial grinthat is what a pierrot must learn to do , and that is what i wish to be .