i jumped up , out the front door , back across the street , goddamned car wouldnt start , engine refused to turn over no matter how much i coaxed it , i got out and walked , walked fast , fetched a cigarette from the pack , lit it , sun died but it stayed hot , kept walking , kept moving when i didnt want to , went past my apartment , walked til the world became dark , her laugh echoed in my head , tinny and distant , yet right there , so close .