after 8:30 a.m. , when she was sure both her parents had departed , she dragged herself to the kitchen , fixed an indifferent cup of coffee , accompanied by a stale sticky bun , and sat with both in front of her and ate not and drank not and let the morning sun , coming in the window , smear her face and make tiny rainbows of her tears and she let the warmth enter her like a flu and she cursed her shadow and she cursed dago swell and , most of all , she cursed her foul , perfidious sister .