he told her he was sorry their mother had left them but cindy was too scared to wonder why he referred to his wife as their mother and he told her how sorry he was for the terrible things he had done , how he had n't meant to , something had happened , the anger , the helplessness , the absolute rage and fury he felt sometimes and did n't have the words for , he tried then , that last time , to describe to his daughter , his child , his baby .