-- if you go away unknown armenian song-writer the halcion times of gabe `` beau '' sancto and his townie crowd the who are sent forth character list : gabe `` beau '' hooter : 5'7 '' , 24 , hispaniman , collects insects and condoms ; laborer saragina desorto : 5'10 '' , 22 , hispana and afribibble , often wears last year 's cornrows ; nutritionist artie blend : 6'3 '' , possibly taller as he slouches , 42 white `` mf '' years of age , a worrisome drunk ; multi-skilled laborer caza zooweiler : caza , the unknown and unknowable , 36 , `` like babylon , '' hippie ; bookkeeping seamstress who 's certainly dying without really trying robert goneschlaw : he 's not deaf , he 's jew polish ; `` maybe a bit dumb-you 'll see '' ; mouthless ameslan-wielding bartender , with a dead jewish wife ned england : the queen is dead-no , it 's his mum ; black , 17 , looks it ; prep waiter jeannie ontermeyer : an adult of the caf ; teenaged , redheaded , an able waitress cloadia tager : wears cowboy boots daily , plays `` helicopter pool , '' 31 , strawberry dishwater happiness , prays to poseidon ; waitress from out of town and cocktails sharone bitters : has an important parent , is black-thin , 5'6 '' , `` a slip of monetary poetry '' ; registered nurse harmin boole : 79 and looks that , widower , owns several local children ; retired there are also appearances by : gabe 's divorced parents ; artie 's montana relatives ; the mental patient gabe rescues ; suzette , a fairy child ; phoebe sommers , an earlier elder passionfruit of gabe 's ; the so-called mr. jones , a man in an address with a deadly story to tell ; chandover , a french composerary of beethoven 's ; emilia bitters , sharone 's mom and a krakatoan on weekends , bartending ; ed bitters , a litigant itinerant for a hopeful cause ; and the other weekend 'tender , a young man named dan nuts who thinks he 's gay .