always beneath his thoughts ran the undercurrent , the riptide of fear , that calculator counting the inches , the seconds that separated him from death , sudden and final until he couldnt stand it any longer and he shouted to the stars , the shadows , whoever was out there ( because someone was out there ) that he was ready , take him , blow him up , kill him , he was tired of waiting , of counting the seconds and measuring the inches to deathhe was ready .