occasionally the grayness lifted slightlywhen her younger son trevor spoke his first word momma , when johnny , the elder son , said his abcs perfectly just as she had taught him , or when she received some little act of kindness from her friend lynn macarthur or her sister-in-law fiona sparrowbut more commonly instead of having the gray lift , a thunderbolt would strike and bring her back to the black despair and numbness she felt when she first was told that bill was dead .