she watches him go on down the hall and into his office she determinedly avoids looking at the name on his door she contemplates going back inside to rejoin vanessa but something stops her she tucks the black notebook under her arm and she goes out the door at the far end of the hall onto the terrace and sits on a wide stone wall sits there and her body remembers being young laying in campus grass reading anne sexton or jack kerouac and watching the muscular young men cross the green bold and bare-chested and flashing their clear smiles .