and yet here am i , sitting in my safflower kitchen on a cloudy spring day , an oldish , if you like , woman in a retirement village in a duplex which if you look down from on high it has a roof and a little white patio like all the others if you just picked up that roof and saw tiny me sitting at my kitchen table with my tiny gnarly husband sitting with me there , you still wouldnt have any idea what i was just thinking .