and then i told her what happened after we parted that last day before winter vacation in second grade : the real story of my mothers murder , how id been running away in fear as she was shot , seeing lyle getting ready to kill me in the reflection of my dead mothers eyes and selfishly saving myself as her unseeing eyes watched me , my foiled effort to avenge her by killing lyle , and my humiliation christmas morning as the gun sat in front of me amidst the wadded photos of my mother while lyle leered above me and again i ran away .