the whys and wherefores of allowing this man-child to stay with me are inscrutable , especially as this is the furthest thing from my wishes , something that i do not want which is now commandeering my life ; but , on a low level , perhaps , or even higher if i were to admit it outright , i seem to be doing it in part to have something to nurture , innocence , a meaning that is not contained in the ruthless striving for acquisition , and ever seeking a larger share from the common pot which , if too large , denies others of that which would allow for their sustenance .