but now here she was , at a crossroad , her first true adult crossroad ( her marriage to josh being her last childhood crossroad ) , and the question of gods place and purpose in her present actions and choices pressed hard upon her with an urgency even closer than the ceiling she couldve licked , heavier than the weight of the anonymous city and the frozen night and the finality of the one-way ticket sitting neatly atop her packed bag within her reach from the bed .