this was as perennial as life was long , and there had been no provocation beyond stepping into a new building meant to symbolize a distinct and separate level of maturity ; and reeling as i was , it seemed unfathomable , really , that the emotional core that i had always thought to be the quintessence of life itself should alter so unpredictably another time , and now here it was from two sources : a mother who no longer took pleasure from my being , and the cessation of this friendship .