) , he could see his long struggle coming to an end , the struggle of decades past and millions of lives lost , the endless planning and waiting and searching and rebuilding and relentless self-doubts and damning uncertainties , which had eaten at him like an acid , dripped on his spirit like a torture test , dripped with a nauseating mechanical timing , dripped steadily and quietly , dripped until the steel of his soul began to sizzle and bubble , a weakness found , a weakness eager to consume an ever-larger hole in him , to destroy him completely .