he used to beat her at the end : and although she paid him back , of which i have authentic documentary evidence , to this day she speaks of him with tears and she throws him up to me ; and i am glad , i am glad that , though only in imagination , she should think of herself as having once been happy ... . and she was left at his death with three children in a wild and remote district where i happened to be at the time ; and she was left in such hopeless poverty that , although i have seen many ups and downs of all sort , i do n't feel equal to describing it even .