when i was a kid and my older brother would visit he would seem like nothing less or more than a mysterious happy god to me , and he could always outwrestle me with one laughing , easy pin but could n't chip a golf ball worth a damn , and he got tired of even the most cordial visit by early evening and would shift his big shoulders uncomfortably on the sofa , herd his lovely wife and child into the car and disappear back to the glow of his own warm and orderly enclave in the inner city - a happy , geometric , centered space he understood , a place he could hold complete in his mind all at once , and loved .