he could see shelley was starting to figure things out and ask the questions that everyone started to ask and then one day she would just wake up and all this would be there , something she remembered as a bad time but not something that made her ask why and how and she would just go on about her business because thats what always happened and he wished desperately that he could do that to , that he could just open his store and sell his syrup and donuts and moose dolls and not have to know about any of it because it was the knowing that was destroying him the way it destroyed his father and tod and will and everyone else who ever somehow kept on understanding even when everyone else just stopped .