holy hell , they glow , and they hurt , and they are hurting me , and this is what it is going to be like from now on , for me , the rambling , the stuttering , the fragmented thoughts , my life , my life is gone , madness , insanity , theyre laughing , still laughing , at me , at my expense , laughing , and touching me , and hurting me , and and i ran for the window , jumped , cleared the sill , and welcomed the cold rush of night air on my face .