she never called nun `` fat , '' she called him `` big '' ( sometimes amplified to `` big for his age ' ) , and when there were leftovers from supper she would often bring them to him while he was watching tv or doing his homework , and he would eat them , although some dim part of him hated himself for doing so ( but never his mamma for putting the food before him-ben hanscom would not have dared to hate his mamma ; god would surely strike him dead for feeling such a brutish , ungrateful emotion even for a second ) .