owen had been all but consumed with guilt and shame ( never to the point of confessing , however ; what in god 's name would he have said when his baptist mother asked him what had possessed him ) , and yet he never forgot the blind pleasure of standing in the bathroom with his shorts down around his knees , trying to piss on mr rapeloew 's toothbrush , or the thrill that had gusted through him when the serving platter shattered .