they had walked with their heads up and she had not wept-not then-but she had understood they were n't walking back , no , not really ; what they had been doing was slinking back , slinking , rhymes with stinking , both of them feeling more jewish than they had ever felt in their lives , feeling like pawnbrokers , feeling like cattle-car riders , feeling oily , long-nosed , sallow-skinned ; feeling like mockies sheenies kikes ; wanting to feel angry and not being able to feel angry , the anger came only later , when it did n't matter .