i sat on the porch , aware that a beautiful sunset was visible from the backside of the house , but when i was n't checking the wooden slats i 'd nailed to the windows , eating , sleeping , or practicing with dr. hayes 's guns , i was watching that red dirt road , waiting for andrew 's white tahoe to fly over in a hurry to reach their destination , or for my babies ' heads to rise above the hill , higher with each step .