i 'm talking about guilt avoidance on your part ... and god knows , heidi , in the craven and cowardly part of my soul , i feel that if i 'm going through this hellish decline , you should be going through one also ... misery loves company , and i guess we 've all got a streak of one hundred percent gold-plated bastard in our natures , tangled up so tightly with the good part of us that we can never get free of it .