he turned then and ran , head down , eyes shut against the hot salt tears , sneakers digging against the sand , and if there was a way to go up , go up and up , up to some gull's-eye view , one would have seen only him , only his tracks , in all that gray day ; jack sawyer , twelve and alone , running back toward the inn , speedy parker forgotten , his voice nearly lost in tears and wind , crying the negative over and over again : no and no and no .