she does n't look as bad as some , johnny had written , but she did n't look good ; she certainly was n't the sharon riddell who had gone off to school in her doctor shirt and her dark red skirt while her estranged husband was in boston , about to make a deal that would put an end to their financial worries and make her realize that all her carping about his `` expensive hobby '' had been so much fear and bad faith ( that , anyway , had been his semi-resentful dream ) .