it was hadley who had the gun on his hip and the billy in his hand , hadley who had his friend greg staminas behind him and the whole prison administration behind stammas , the whole power of the state behind that , but all at once in that golden sunshine it did n't matter , and i felt my heart leap up in my chest as it never had since the truck drove me and four others through the gate back in 1938 and i stepped out into the exercise yard .