yet the fact remained that what disturbed me most , and kept my fear actively alive even in this blaze of sunshine and wild beauty , was the clear certainty that some curious alteration had come about in his mind -- that he was nervous , timid , suspicious , aware of goings on he did not speak about , watching a series of secret and hitherto unmentionable events -- waiting , in a word , for a climax that he expected , and , i thought , expected very soon .