he took a tearing heaving breath , his thoughts a ratrun of panic as they always were at moments like this : please mommy i 'm suffocating i ca n't breathe oh my dear god oh dear jesus meekandmild i ca n't breathe phase i do n't want to die do n't want to die oh please - then the fog from the aspirator condensed on the swollen walls of his throat and he could breathe again .