yes , yes , i recall with bitter clarity that i insisted on choosing the memoirs precisely because i knew there was little chance that i would ever pursue them if i had anything else to engage my attention , and i was quite right : if i could have found even a few pages of mr. hills gentle strictures against mr. wesley , abandoned and crumpled in some crevice of the carriage , i would joyfully have smoothed them out and read every denunciatory passage thrice over , before i would ever have voluntarily returned to the scheming cardinal .