The Cube Rule (2017)
The idea that we should classify food by shape is clearly erroneous. Our food classifications should be based on method of eating, not by shape! A sandwich is any food that uses a carbohydrate to protect your hands from a messier food, so that you can eat it at a card table without getting your hands dirty (a la the origin myth). Let's go through the things here:Pizza: YesSushi: Mostly no (the carbs don't protect you from the insides, the seaweed does)Pumpkin pie: No (unless eaten with hands, without falling apart)Quesadilla: YesToast sandwich: No (inside is not messier)Victoria sponge: No (eaten with fork)Hot dog: YesSub sandwich: YesSlice of pie: No (unless eaten with hands)Falafel wrap: YesPigs in a blanket: YesEnchilada: No (the one pictured has cheese and sauce on the outside)Quiche: No (unless eaten with hands)Cheesecake: No (unless eaten with hands)Soup bowl: No (I'd love to see you try)Falafel pita: YesDeep dish pizza: If eaten with handsSalad in a bread bowl: NoKey lime pie: No (unless eaten with hands)Calzone: YesCorn dog: No (if held with stick)Pie (whole): No (good luck)Dumplings: Yes (unless they have sauce on them)Pop tarts: YesUncrustables: YesThis is the best and most accurate method that actually provides a strict definition that lines up with my intuitions—the cube rule is fun, but you're really gonna claim that a subway sandwich isn't a sandwich?