The Day I Started Lying to Ruth
It's pretty weird. My mom just died of cancer a little more than a week ago. I thought it would be a bad idea to read this article, as it would just pointlessly make me (more) depressed. Yet, at the end, I really just felt numb to any emotion. There was just the same distinct sensation where nobody has any idea what I feel like, even this guy who just lost his wife. The more I think about it, the more it seems I don't really know what I'm feeling myself.All the grief, anger, and beyond that, the feeling that any emotion I have is absolutely useless. I search for an explanation, all the while my brain is telling me that I'm stupid for even looking. What's the point of explaining what I'm going through to anyone? What can they do?I don't really know what my point is. I'd be tempted to just say "life sucks", but I'd rather not be unreasonably pessimistic.But then again, my mom just died.Life. Fucking. Sucks.