How Doctors Die (2013)
I'm afraid of death. Very afraid. I'm pretty sure we're just meat sacks and when my heart stops beating that'll be the end of all that I am, and that scares the shit out of me. Calling what I feel about death "fear" is almost a category error; it's a five-hundred-foot-tall Godzilla of dread looming just behind me always, and every so often I happen to think about it, I happen to turn and glance at it, and my stomach just drops. The realization that it's all going to end is the ultimate anxiety underlying all others.So when I read something like this, it just seems... so alien. I can't imagine a pain or any feeling, really, worth wishing I was dead over. There can't be anything worse than death. There just can't. Pretty much any amount of bad is preferable to infinite nothing.Maybe the scariest part is that one day, I'm afraid I might change my mind. I'm afraid I might be brought to a point where I think, "Ah, this is it. This is the feeling that's worth dying to escape". The only thing scarier than the worst fear imaginable is the unthinkable idea of a pain so unimaginable that it makes succumbing to that fear seem like a mercy.