Have you ever asked your toddler to do something and in return you receive a blank stare? There have been many times where I've given our preschooler a direction and she doesn't follow through. It's frustrating! I question why won't my toddler follow directions?
I was at a crossroads. Was my daughter being defiant and strong willed? Or was I missing something?
As parents, it can be difficult to tell if our kids are deliberately disobeying or if they really don't understand what we are asking.
For example, if we tell our toddlers "Please put on your pajamas." They may not know where to start. The reason they aren't listening to anything we say isn't because they want to misbehave. It's because they don't know specifically what we are asking them to do.
Start with the basics. "First find the arm hole. Then put one arm through the arm hole." It may seem silly to an adult, but many young children need tasks broken down into clear and straightforward steps.
We tried this technique with our daughter at bedtime and we were pleasantly surprised. She started following through and she was able to follow our simple commands!
Although these phrases seem obvious or simple to adults, kids may need more explicit directions. What does paying attention look like? What does getting ready for school entail?
Think about what you are saying and break it down. Try giving thorough directions and breaking tasks into small manageable steps. You may be surprised to find out your child wasn't understanding your initial commands!
If you you determined it is defiance then you need to decide how to discipline. I've found the more I talk when trying to discipline the more my kids tune me out. Here are some of my best tips when correcting misbehavior (they may surprise you!).
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I love this! My kids are grown, now, but we used the same principle of breaking things down and talking them through simple tasks. We take for granted the simple things and don't always realize that it is ALL new to them! Sometimes what seems simple to us is overwhelming for them!
I am sympathetic to my kid when she seems overwhelmed but I feel my lo is defiant because she will purposely ignore me.
She will look me in the eye while im asking her a question and not respond. "How was your day hun?" Blank stare. Repeat the question 5 times, she lets out a groan to show her displeasure and puts her hand over her mouth. This goes for almost any question. Shes 6, not 16. When she isnt ignoring me, she does the opposite of what i tell or ask her.
Me: "My hands are full, and theres a speeding car, stay near me by this door." Her: runs to other side of car.
To make matters worse anytimei try to discipline her, her dad or my mom challenge my authority. So she doesn't respect me.
Me: "No you cant have a cookie before dinner." Mom: oh a cookie wont hurt. Ill buy you some cookies later sweetie. " Even though she knows the struggle of my picky eater.