I just found this blog (and learned of the book that the author wrote as an expansion of the blog) and just had to share it! It's called "How to be German in 20 steps," and the book expands it to a total of 50 steps that, when undertaken, would prepare one for expat life in Germany. Some of the ones I've read so far are laughably accurate.
For instance: Step #1, put on your house shoes. Indeed, the first thing that my host dad told me upon entering my host family's house the day I arrived, probably besides "Welcome!" or "Watch your step" was "Here are your house shoes." Germans take their slippers super seriously. I don't own any… I just wear socks… though actually I did buy a pair, but they were part of the unfortunate drugstore purchase that I left at the counter after paying.
I have mixed feelings about Step #8, which deals with always obeying traffic signals at crosswalks… I do not always follow the rules, and neither do the many Germans around me, particularly at the one very tricky intersection near my apartment with a really long signal and times of the day when there are very few cars. Maybe it's a Dresden thing.
#13, "Open a bottle of beer with anything but a bottle opener," is absolutely accurate. We do own a bottle opener, which I freely and openly use, but I have seen Germans open beer bottles with zippers, pens, the edge of the table, and (yes) their teeth. Frightening.
I am slightly concerned with the author's inability to count, as the article contains only 15 steps to becoming German, but my concern was relieved when I read a fight between two commenters about academic titles. Seems about right.