As I take the final steps towards attaining my bachelors' degree in Psychology, I start to really think about why I am doing what I'm doing. I seem to have different answers for different people, when they ask me why I chose to do Psychology.
Besides the usual jokes about how I would like to read minds or the vague and nonchalant "I want to understand people better", I really don't have any better answers.
So I wondered. I wondered, and I wondered. I explored the darkest corners of my mind, which really isn't all that scary anymore, being that I've spent a lot of time there already. I got distracted, as usual, and found myself scrolling through Facebook, looking through the happenings of other people's lives. The good, the bad, the great, and the not-so-good.
I think it's the negativity. There is that air of negativity that floats in social media- the more interactive ones at least, like Facebook. People would disclose certain things about themselves and there will always be people who want to see others fail. There will always be people who refuse to support others. These are the people that break people. These are the people who leave the people around them starving for approval and acknowledgment. We all want to be accepted, one way or another. Some need more, and some need less, but we all need it. Approval. It doesn't cost you much, if anything at all, but you just won't.
Because a part of you wants to see people fail. A part of you wants to know that people are in darker places than you. A part of you wants to watch the world tear itself apart..because you're broken too. Broken people don't fix broken people, not usually.
That. That is what I want to understand. Why do we turn our heads towards tragedy. Why do we get excited about accidents and disaster? Why are we aroused by the calamity that other people face halfway across the world? These are things I want to know and understand.
I've been known to be a negative person. I've been called so many names, and criticized so many times because of the way I am, and the way people assume me to be. Yet, I like to think that I, at least, keep the negativity within myself. I beat myself up all the time about the silly things I do, and the inappropriate things I say or feel. Not to mention the irrational thoughts that swim endlessly in my head. That's not good either, and I'm no saint either way.
Still, I want to make the world a better place. I really do, and I will, in my own way. I am a few steps towards the end, and into a whole new beginning. I don't need your approval, but if support comes my way, I'll gladly accept it. If your hand comes towards mine, I'll shake it, because positivity is worth sharing, and sharing is just as much about receiving as it is about giving.