Today, I think of repentance. Repentance is another doctrine which has sustained me. I have spent many hours of prayerful study and thought, searching my personality to find the failings which caused the difficulties I have faced in my life. Most of what I have been led to change involves trusting less, learning to live with an element of caution. But I remain unable to find a definite character flaw that is within my power to change.
It reminds me of something Paul wrote hundreds of years ago.
"And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure. For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. And he said unto me, "My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness."
Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me."
Repentance is not just a repentance-for something. Repentance is a process, the process that turns us towards God. As we repent, we become more and more like God until the day when we see Christ and recognize Him because we will have seen His glory in us.
I have felt this change being worked in me. Too slowly for my taste, but that is only because I have not yet repented sufficiently to develop patience.
I am grateful for repentance, to know that I can change and that others can change.