On more than one occasion this week I have been reminded that the person who walks away also feels a great deal of pain and how often we forget that!
Relationship, Job, Country or situation doesn't mean that the person who walks away, walks away without feeling! Often hear the hurt persons version of accounts, and feelings! However have you ever heard the other side of the story?
I doubt anyone gets up in the morning and thinks today i'll quit my job, move to Australia, end my relationship. At some point the changes that they want to make in their life would have sat in their brain causing confusion and mistrust. The issues that are present in any situation may make a person stand there and say enough is enough! They would have also at some point decided I need to move, breathe, this isn't working!
I have experienced the anguish of knowing that a decision that I make for the sake of myself will hurt another person. I have sat across from clients going through the same! They thing they have in common is no matter what the situation is, we generally do not want to hurt the people around us!
We live a lie and hurt ourselves instead!
We go through the (e)motions, we carry on in the job that is destroying us, the relationship that is toxic, the situations that are dangerous denying ourselves happiness for the sake of others. Perhaps knowing what it is like to hurt and we don't want to do that to anyone else.
At some point we loved the person, at some point we enjoyed our jobs, at some point the situation gave us joy! We may not be in love with the situation but we still care about the people involved.
Walking away isn't easy, staying is the easy option!
Living with a lie and living a half life is the easy option! How many times have we heard parents staying together for the sake of the kids? or I can't leave because of _________ (fill appropriately)!
Instead of ending whatever it is people continue! A part of them wishing to escape . The other half wishing that the situation will miraculously resolve itself! Instead of honesty regarding our unhappiness, we live not saying a word to anyone, beating ourselves up; because every body wanted their wife/husband, lifestyle/job and they chose them! Then one day something so trivial happens and it explodes! An affair happens! they walk out of job/relationship! IT BECOMES NASTY.
What it comes down to is it how we handle the ending of something! Admitting that things aren't right; talking them through with a counsellor, partner or trusted friend then we are been honest could stop destructive behaviour. We can't say for certain but it appears that Gwyneth and Chris chose to 'consciously uncouple' rather than have a destructive and nasty divorce. May be we could aim to do the same! The person/people left behind will still be hurt, though they may have a greater understanding of what is going on!