"An open mind does not always require an open mouth."
"Time keeps everything from happening all at once. Space keeps everything from happening all to you."
"The difference between a rebel and a patriot is wether who is in power."
"History is a selective interpretation of events designed to justify those currently in power. Memory is the same thing on an individual scale."
"A husband is the medicine that cures all the ills of girlhood."
"Our five senses are incomplete without the sixth - a sense of humor."
Wit and Humor
"Every good friend once was a stranger."
"Archeologist: someone whose career lies in ruins."
"There are three dimensions to credit cards, length, width and debt."
"Forgiveness is like the fragrance a flower gives after it's been stepped on."
"A real patriot is someone who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works."
"A friend is someone who dances with you in the sunlight and walks beside you in the shadows."
"Life is not fair, but life is not fair for everyone. That makes life fair."
"After the government takes enough to balance the budget, the taxpayer has the job of budgeting the balance."
"Proverbs contain within one or two lines the lessons of lifetime."
"Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students."
"A good friend sees the first tear, catches the second and stops the third."
"Quotations are sometimes valuable pearls, but original thoughts can be priceless treasure."
"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."
"A face without freckles is like a sky without stars."
"Don't borrow sorrow from tomorrow!"
"Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous."
"A conservative is a politician who wants to keep what the liberals fought for a generation ago."
"A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well as afterward."
"We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police."
"Anger is only one letter short of danger."
"Blowing out another's candle will not make yours shine brighter."
"Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle."
"Treat anger like gold. Spend it wisely or not at all."
"There are no strangers in this world, just friends we've never met."
"A computer is almost human - except that it does not blame its mistakes on another computer."
"Don't grieve that your roses have thorns. Rejoice instead that your thorns have roses."
"Best friends don't ask you: "Is something wrong?" Best friends ask you: "Whats wrong?"."
"A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it."
"A diplomatic husband said to his wife: "How do you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older?""
"Having someplace to go to is home. Having someone to love is family. Having both is a blessing."
"Clock: A small mechanical device to wake up people without children."
"Never wrestle with a pig. You both get all dirty, and the pig likes it."
"Even a short pencil is more reliable then the longest memory."
"Reality is for people who lack imagination."
"A sharp tongue and a dull mind are usually found in the same head."
"Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is the presence of fear with the capacity to manage and overcome it."
"A candidate is someone who gets money from the rich and votes from the poor to protect them from each other."
"The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement."
"Do's and don'ts influence wills and won'ts."
"Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have."
"The Lottery is a tax on people who are bad at math."
"The zoo is a place for animals to study the behaviour of human beings."