Louis CK Quotes
Biography & Metadata
AKA: Louis Székely
Occupations: Television Actor, Film Actor, Cabaret Artist, Film Director, Film Producer
Birthname
"People say, 'My phone sucks.' No, it doesn't! The shittiest cellphone in the world is a miracle. Your life sucks. Around the phone."
— Louis CK,	10 Louis CK quotes that are genius
Tagged: Technology, Cell Phones, Texting, phones
"The meal is not over when I'm full. The meal is over when I hate myself."
— Louis CK,	Chewed Up
Tagged: eating, food, diet
"When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't."
— Louis CK,	Louie
Tagged: Heartbreak, Pain
"'Fuck it.' That's really the attitude that's keeps a family together. It's not 'We love each other!' It's 'Fuck it.'"
— Louis CK,	One Night Stand
Tagged: Family, Together, Fuck It
"You've got to embrace discomfort. It's the only way you can put yourself in situations where you can learn, and the only way you can keep your senses fresh once you're there."
— Louis CK,	Louis C.K.'s GQ Cover Story - May 2014
Tagged: Don't Give Up, Discomfort, Comfortable In Uncomfortable Situations, learn, Growth
"If you need your public profile to be all positive, you're sick in the head. I do the work I do, and what happens next I can't look after."
— Louis CK,	Louis C.K. on the Right to Be Offensive, Why White Guys Should Stop Whining, and Bored Masturbation
Tagged: Creativity, trolls, comedy, humor, comedian
"I finally have the body I want. It's easy, actually, you just have to want a really shitty body."
— Louis CK,	Louis CK Quotes
Tagged: Body, Health
"The great thing about comedy is taking people to places that they have fear and foreboding and making them laugh in that place."
— Louis CK,	Talking Funny- HBO
Tagged: Stand Up, comedy
"Everything that's difficult you should be able to laugh about."
— Louis CK,	Louis C.K. on the Importance of Acting Like an Asshole
Tagged: difficult, Life, Laughing, humor
"I'm bored' is a useless thing to say. I mean, you live in a great, big, vast world that you've seen none percent of. Even the inside of your own mind is endless; it goes on forever, inwardly, do you understand? The fact that you're alive is amazing, so you don't get to say 'I'm bored."
— Louis CK,	What is This? A Collection of My Thoughts
Tagged: Bored, Life, love life
"You've got to be optimistic to be single. Stupid. You have to be stupid. That's what optimistic means, you know? It means stupid. An optimist is somebody who goes, 'Hey, maybe something nice will happen.' Why the fuck would anything nice happen?"
— Louis CK,	Louis CK on Optimism
Tagged: Optimism, Stupid, Single Life
"Self-love is a good thing but self-awareness is more important."
— Louis CK,	America is like world's worst girlfriend
Tagged: Self-Love, Self-awareness, humor, Realizing Things, Life Lessons, comedy, Stand-UP
"Out of the people that ever were, almost all of them are dead. There are way more dead people, and you're all gonna die and then you're gonna be dead for way longer than you're alive. Like that's mostly what you're ever gonna be. You're just dead people that didn't die yet."
— Louis CK,	Hilarious
Tagged: Death, Life, Living
"You're not supposed to talk about suicide. You should be able to talk about it! The whole world is made of people who DIDN'T kill themselves today... life can get very difficult, very sad, very upsetting, but you don't have to do it. You really don't have to do it ... because you can kill yourself."
— Louis CK,	Louis C.K.'s 2017 Is a Startling, Uncomfortable Return to Form
Tagged: Louis CK, comedian, humor, Funny, Hilarious, LOL
"I used to like people more, but now I have children and that changes your life in a lot of ways. Like you spend time with people you never would have chosen to spend time with, not in a million years. I spend whole days with people, I'm like, 'I never would have hung out with you. I didn't choose you.' Our children chose each other based on no criteria by the way. They're the same size. They don't care who they make me hang out with."
— Louis CK,	The Collected Wisdom of Louis C.K.
Tagged: Child, Childhood, Parenting, Parenthood, Friends
"As humans, we waste the shit out of our words. It's sad. We use words like 'awesome' and 'wonderful' like they're candy. It was awesome? Really? It inspired awe? It was wonderful? Are you serious? It was full of wonder? You use the word 'amazing' to describe a goddamn sandwich at Wendy's. What's going to happen on your wedding day, or when your first child is born? How will you describe it? You already wasted 'amazing' on a fucking sandwich."
— Louis CK,	18 Times Louis CK Was Right About Modern Life
Tagged: humanity, Words, Language, Amazing, wonderful
"Pamela, I'm in love with you. Yeah, it's that bad. You're so beautiful to me. Shut up! Lemme tell you. Let me. Every time I look at your face or even remember it, it wrecks me - and the way you are with me - and you're just fun and you shit all over me and you make fun of me and you're real. I don't have enough time in any day to think about you enough. I feel like I'm going to live a thousand years cause that's how long it's gonna take me to have one thought about you which is that I'm crazy about you, Pamela. I don't wanna be with anybody else. I don't. I really don't. I don't think about women anymore. I think about you. I had a dream the other night that you and I were on a train. We were on this train and you were holding my hand. That's the whole dream. You were holding my hand and I felt you holding my hand. I woke up and I couldn't believe it wasn't real. I'm sick in love with you, Pamela. It's like a condition. It's like polio. I feel like I'm gonna die if I can't be with you. And I can't be with you. So I'm gonna die - and I don't care cause I was brought into existence to know you and that's enough. The idea that you would want me back it's like greedy."
Tagged: Declarations Of Love, Television, Romantic, Love
"Young guys, they're afraid of women. They're afraid of their feelings. 'My girlfriend's mad at me!' Well, later she won't be, fucking calm down. They're afraid of their bodies, they're afraid of women's bodies. 'My girlfriend's having her period, what do I do?' Fuck her in the period hole, you idiot, what's the dilemma? I don't give a shit, if you're having your period, come on over. I'm 41, I'll fuck the shit out of you, I'll drink the blood, let's party."
— Louis CK,	55 Brilliant Louis C.K. Quotes That Will Make You Laugh And Think
Tagged: Sex, Dating, Young Couples, Bodies, Women, Guys
"Whenever single people complain about anything, I really want them to shut the fuck up. First of all, if you're single, your life has no consequence on the earth. Even if you're helping people aggressively, which you're fucking not, nobody gives a shit what happens to you. You can die, and it actually doesn't matter. It doesn't. Your mother will cry or whatever, but otherwise, nobody gives a shit."
— Louis CK,	Shameless
Tagged: Dating, Being Single
"It doesn't have any effect on your life. What do you care?! People try to talk about it like it's a social issue. Like when you see someone stand up on a talk show and say, 'How am I supposed to explain to my children that two men are getting married?" …I dunno. It's your shitty kid. You fuckin' tell 'em. Why is that anyone else's problem? Two guys are in love and they can't get married because you don't want to talk to your ugly child for five fuckin' minutes?"
— Louis CK,	17 Surprisingly Profound Quotes From Stand-up Comedians.
Tagged: Gay Marriage, Family, Relationship
"Everything is amazing right now, and nobody's happy. ... Now, we live in an amazing, amazing world, and it's wasted on the crappiest generation of just spoiled idiots that don't care.
This is what people are like now: they've got their phones and they're like 'ugh, it won't--' GIVE IT A SECOND! It's going to SPACE! Can you give it a second to get back from space?? Is the speed of light too slow for you?!
I was on an airplane and there was high speed internet. That's the newest thing I know that exists. And I'm sitting there and they go 'open up your laptops you can go on the internet,' and it's fast, and I'm watching YouTube clips, I'm in an airplane! And then it breaks down, and they apologize that the internet's not working, and the guy next to me goes 'ugh, this is bullshit.' Like how quickly the world owes him something he knew existed only like 10 seconds ago!
Flying is the worst one because people come back from flights and they're telling you their story, and it's like a horror story. They act like their flight was a cattle car in the 40s in Germany. They're like, 'it was the worst day of my life! First of all, we didn't board for like 20 minutes and then they made us sit there on the runway for 40 minutes! We had to sit there!' Oh really? What happened next? Did you FLY in the AIR incredibly like a BIRD? Did you partake in the miracle of human flight, you non-contributing zero?! ... You're sitting in a chair in the SKY! Here's the thing: people say there's delays. Delays? Really? New York to California in 5 hours. That used to take 30 years! And a bunch of you would die on the way there, and have babies... you'd be a whole different group of people by the time you got there. Now, you watch a movie, you take a dump, and you're home!"
— Louis CK,	Louis C K Generation of Spoiled Idiots
Tagged: generation, Millennnial, Technology, Youth, Younger