Late-night TV roundup
Stephen Colbert: French firefighters 'know how to give a sick burn' to Trump
Late-night hosts mourn the Notre Dame, Trump's need to tweet about it and the ever-expanding field of 2020 candidates
Adrian Horton
Wed 17 Apr 2019 12.09 EDT Last modified on Wed 8 May 2019 17.16 EDT
Stephen Colbert on the release of the Mueller report on Thursday: 'I have a feeling they're hoping to bury it over the holiday weekend, because if there's one thing Easter is famous for, it's things staying buried.' Photograph: YouTube
Stephen Colbert stood with France on Tuesday's Late Show as the country mourned its Notre Dame Cathedral, which burned on Monday in the heart of Paris. Luckily, though the blaze consumed the gothic marvel's roof and spire, firefighters saved the church's foundation, towers, relics and stained glass windows. France's president, Emmanuel Macron, has pledged to restore the cathedral, and French tycoons and businessmen have already pledged over $700m to the project.
The French firefighters are heroes, Colbert said, which means of course Donald Trump had to insert himself in their story. As news of the fire spread on Monday, the president tweeted: "Perhaps flying water tankers could be used to put it out. Must act quickly!"
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The French civil security agency did not respond directly, instead tweeting: "All means are being used" to extinguish the fire, "except for water-bombing aircrafts which, if used, could lead to the collapse of the entire structure of the cathedral".
"For firefighters, they really know how to give a sick burn," Colbert said.
Trump's week could be headed downhill, Colbert continued, since the full Mueller report is set to be released on Thursday. "I for one can't wait – this is my Game of Thrones, in that I'm pretty sure there are some boobs in it."
The report was supposed to be released on Tuesday, but the justice department delayed it to Thursday with no explanation. "I have a feeling they're hoping to bury it over the holiday weekend," Colbert surmised, "because if there's one thing Easter is famous for, it's things staying buried."
In Los Angeles, Jimmy Kimmel gave an update on the 2020 presidential race, which is already in full swing. On Tuesday, Bill Weld, the former governor of Massachusetts, announced he was challenging Trump for the Republican nomination since, he said, "it's time to return to the principles of Lincoln, equality, dignity and opportunity for all".
"Has he been out of the country for a few years?" Kimmel joked. "That's never happening again."
Weld was a well-respected governor with a strong legal background, Kimmel continued, but "unfortunately, never hosted a reality show, never bankrupted a casino, never got his head stuck in a bucket of fried chicken during sex. These are things that have to be on your résumé now."
On the Democratic side, businessman Andrew Yang announced his candidacy in Washington DC on Tuesday. "Do you know Andrew Yang? I've not heard of Andrew Yang, but after seeing this video from his rally yesterday in DC, I'm intrigued," Kimmel said before turning to footage from his rally, in which Yang said: "I'm the right man for the job, because the opposite of Donald Trump is an Asian man who likes math!" and led the crowd with "Chant my name! Chant my name!"
"Is that a real candidate or somebody's stoner nephew running for prom king?" Kimmel asked.
Meanwhile, the Vermont senator Bernie Sanders has raised the most money of the Democratic candidates – $18.2m so far, "zero of which has been spent on personal grooming". Sanders also appeared recently in a town hall on Fox News, which did not please Trump, who tweeted his disdain. "He gets really jealous when his Fox makes other friends, he really does," Kimmel said.
"And speaking of jealous," Russia's president, Vladimir Putin, and North Korea's leader, Kim Jong-un, plan to hold a summit next week without Trump. In other words, "all of Trump's BFFs are hanging out without him," Kimmel said. "I guess Kim finally realized that if he wants to make a deal with America, he has to go to the top."