Love is hell
By WhataStrangeTripThisIs - 19/05/2021 02:00
Today, I found out the love of my life was talking to his ex. She chose to contact me, including screenshots of him begging her to, "Save me from this crazy bitch, she's trying to kill herself," while I was hospitalized for suicidal thoughts. I financially supported him through the pandemic. FML
Love Relationships Cheating
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Today, I came home a few days early from a 3-month business trip. As I opened my apartment door, hoping to surprise my girlfriend, the man she's apparently been cheating on me with promptly punched me in the face. He thought I was a burglar. FML
Today, I finally built up the courage to quit my job. I waited an hour to speak to the boss; I finally sat down with her, and she told me I had to be let go because I'm not "reliable enough." The only time I missed work was when I had the stomach flu. I was fired before I could even quit. FML
By Cate - 05/11/2009 10:25 - Australia
Today, I've had no sleep. Why? Because my housemate has a new girlfriend and the walls are too thin. After round three of them shagging, I was exhausted from holding my breath each time the new girlfriend screamed. I also realised that was the closest I'd been to sex in months. FML
By Audrey Anna Grace Somers - 12/05/2019 14:00
Today, I was trying on a dress at my grandmother's house. When I posed for her, she told me she would expand the waist, because I won't be sucking in the whole time I would be wearing it. The joke's on you Grandma, I've been sucking my stomach in since I was twelve years old. FML
By BrakesNotBumpers - 12/06/2015 21:09 - United States - Reading
Today, I was rear-ended. While I was yelling, "WHAT THE F..." the lady who hit me completely freaked out and drove into me again. Twice. FML
By SofiMarti - 24/08/2019 00:02 - Argentina - Buenos Aires
Today, my mom was named principal of the school I go to. FML
What goes up…
Today, I had to take my daughter to hospital because her butt swallowed her dildo. Try as I might, in the waiting area her dad and I couldn't stop giggling at random intervals at the absurdity of the situation, so she's probably never going to speak to us again. FML
By whyme - 07/02/2012 06:38 - United States
Today, I walked into the house only to be greeted by the strongest smell of dung. I asked my mom about it, and it turns out she's been airing these strange herbs throughout the house, most of which are in my bedroom. She won't let me open the window. FML
By Forgetfull - 02/02/2010 17:07 - United States
Today, I thought it would be romantic to take my girlfriend to the beach. It was raining so we left our shoes and phones in the car so we wouldn't be bothered. Apparently, I left my keys in the car too. The car was locked. FML
By Puick - 26/12/2013 23:50 - France - Sonchamp
Today, I went to a party organised by my ex. I was the last to sit down, after looking at the nametags on all 50+ chairs. That's how I realised the chair labelled "Fuckface" was mine; the one located between her parents' seats. FML
By Zippyzoo - 03/02/2009 22:16 - United States
Today, when my boyfriend was about to orgasm, I suddenly sneezed all over his face. FML
By rbates - 25/07/2009 18:32 - United States
Today, I decided to make a place in my house for my friends to sign called "The Friend Wall." By sign I meant sign, not draw body parts. This afternoon I ate lunch next to a basketball-sized vagina and a monumentally large blue and purple penis. FML
Today, my girlfriend whom I'm crazy about broke up with me out of the blue. After pleading with her unsuccessfully, I called my mom for comfort and advice. She informed me that my dog had died. FML
By bobby - 12/06/2010 22:13 - United States
Today, I went to lick the excess peanut butter off the knife after making a PB and J. Turns out the knife can and will cut your tongue, even though you don't think it will. FML
Don't hate the player…
By He who is free of sin casts the first stone. - 16/06/2021 14:01
Today, my girlfriend confessed to me that she'd cheated on me with my best friend. I can't get mad at her, because I cheated on her with him before she did. FML
By L - 01/06/2011 20:40
Today, the sewers in my town became overloaded. My basement is now filled with other people's poo. FML
By farts - 22/11/2018 17:30
Today, my brother who routinely marred my life by stealing from me, fighting me, and isolating me from my own family, made his hollow AA apology to me so he'll feel better. My parents employ him, bought his car and house, and pay his insurance. I've been in poverty. FML
Today, I tried to call my company's HR to report my boss for sexually inappropriate comments towards me. Turns out, the only person I can complain to is the franchise owner, who has been good friends with my boss for over a decade. FML
Gratitude walks
By mala_19 - 18/08/2021 02:00 - Sweden - Skellefteå
Today, my 11 month-old son stopped saying mom and started saying dad. He already looks exactly like him. I can't help but feel jealous. FML
By J Money - 03/09/2018 04:00 - United States
Today, I'm being paid to watch paint dry. I work for military defense, and the door l just painted is an opening for a secure lab, so has to be monitored nonstop. This cannot happen until the paint dries. The U.S. government is literally paying me to watch paint dry. FML
By KiloLima01 - 08/01/2009 03:59 - Australia
Today, I met a really hot chick while waiting for the bus. We spoke for 4 hours till we got to our destination. She hugged me and we parted ways. Later that day I realised she stole my phone. FML
By arace15336 - 22/08/2010 06:17 - United States
Today, I found out that my boyfriend is only staying with me for the present I promised him for his birthday. FML
By natrat222 - 26/11/2019 20:00 - United States - Mesa
Today, I decided to eat a whole tub of blueberries before seeing a guy I've been hooked up with for a year and a half. While giving a blow job, I ended throwing up the blueberries right before he came. He left immediately, deleted me on Snapchat and told me I need to get checked out. FML
By charapos - 28/11/2021 08:01
Today, the person who I've asked to back off is still messaging me and making me more stressed out. I'm pretty sure he fancies me, but I'm asexual. This after he already promised to back off multiple times. I think I've got myself a stalker. FML
By anon - 30/08/2015 06:20 - United States - Springfield
Today, at work, one of the elderly residents dropped a turd on the floor. I went to go get the nurse but couldn't find her. Upon returning to the scene, another resident picked it up and placed it in my hand, thinking it was mud. Now my nickname at work is 'Nugget'. FML
By Hungrey - 29/05/2012 01:38 - United States
Today, I admitted to my parents that I have an eating disorder. Instead of trying to help, my mom stared at me and said, "Duh". FML
By Coffee Boy - 23/06/2012 04:55 - United States - Chesterfield
Today, my mom reached the lowest point of her midlife crisis. She convinced herself she's psychic and grounded me for something she "knows" I'm going to do. FML
By alejandro38 - 11/07/2010 14:44 - United States
Today, I had an interview. I didn't get the job because apparently customers might not understand me, since I "talk too good." I just graduated with an English degree. FML
By say dump him and i'll kill you - 29/12/2012 00:50 - United Kingdom - Soham
Today, proving that there's no limit to the stupid shit people will do, my husband called me from hospital, needing a lift home. He tried planking on top of his car while his buddies sped it down a hill, and I now have to take care of him while his broken leg heals. FML
Billy no-mates
Today, I feel both happy and jealous of my father. It's his birthday and he has received over 100 times more phone calls than me. I'd had two: one from my local bank manager and one from my girlfriend. FML
By Anonymous - 30/12/2010 19:23 - United Kingdom
Today, I met my father for the first time since I was a baby. The first comment out of his mouth was, "I bet all the boys love those motherfucking bazongas, don't they?" Hi, Dad. FML
Good excuse.
By and somehow you have a master's degree - 07/11/2017 01:30
Today, my faculty mentor for my senior capstone project wasn't at my presentation for the entire department faculty. I assumed his wife or kids were sick, but that piece of shit told me himself that he was at home watching the new season of Stranger Things. FML
By Scholar - 05/09/2012 16:13 - United States
Today, for the second day in a row, I got to hear both of my roommates having sex, through two closed doors and a hallway. This is as I hit my thirtieth month of involuntary celibacy. FML
By Completely Innocent - 05/03/2015 17:10 - United States
Today, a coworker told my manager that I and another girl were plotting to get her fired at the end of the month. She actually believed her. Now we're suspended without pay for two weeks for conspiracy. FML
Today, I'm at the stage of my life where a normal bowel movement is practically a cause for celebration. FML
By Anonymous - 14/09/2021 02:00 - United States - Los Angeles
Today, my ex asked me to take the kids for the day, which was odd as it's her weekend. My son let slip that she was getting ready for a surprise birthday party, but I wasn't supposed to know. As it's my birthday in 3 days, I was touched that she'd planned something. Turns out it's a surprise party for her new boyfriend. FML
By rejected4555 - 03/08/2012 12:14 - United States
Today, my boyfriend asked me if I wanted to go to the gym with him, and I responded that we could do another kind of workout upstairs. He quickly said he'd rather just go to the gym. FML
By kenken5 - 19/06/2019 01:51
Today, I had my first sexual experience since going through a rough break up a month ago. The guy finished after 60 seconds of a blow job and then didn't return the favor. FML
Today, my husband brought home a machete. In the process of showing me a trick he learned, he managed to slice a nice big hole in our brand new very expensive sectional. FML
Block-cocked
By Anonymous - 05/08/2021 19:31 - India - Bangalore
Today, I finally met a guy I was interested in, after being a single 21 year-old virgin, but my brother decided to be overprotective and drag me away. Like, literally. FML
bound101 7
Wednesday 19 May 2021 3:19
Backing out due to too much stress is understandable, using a past gf to communicate a break up not so much.
Brightside86 29
That poor guy his life is about to implode. He's going to go from thinking he's got a shot with 2 women down to 0 in an instant.
Chazzster 22
It is a cruel fact of life that although we may genuinely love and want someone, they may not reciprocate. That's when you have to let go, mourn what was not to be, and make a new plan.
MeganBPD 3
Thursday 20 May 2021 15:28
Oh, how I weep the biggest of crocodile tears for this poor soul. Whatever will he do?
wakeupnow 10
Be good to yourself! If he is not good for you, let him go. And be again a STRONG person who was able to be self-supporting throughout the shit show that was the last year. Props to you! From a Mom even if not your mom.
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