Lately, I have been unnecessarily burdening myself by looking at the numbers Rain Man has provided for me and kept going over the possibilities in my head a thousand times on a daily basis ever since that paper entered my wallet. I realized that it has nothing to do with my being ready for one thing or another. It is simply that I am scared to death and even the thought of it sickens me, hammers my head, makes me feel like scream and cry if not whine. 5 years ago, when I took a step towards my real self, I pictured a future for me that somehow got stuck somewhere and went out of my hands. Initially, the soap operatic theme of the script at my hands was enjoyable - 2404 episodes later the leading lady has not reached her goal still even though she has overcome a flood that sweeped her hometown off the map, escaped 3 major earthquakes, risen from her ashes after 14 heartbreaks, gone through 2 marriages alongside uncountable affairs, witnessed good overcoming evil approximately a hundred thousand times, built a business empire from scratch, lost that empire to her nemesis yet Fate has taken her revenge by giving the nemesis 3 children with down syndrome etc.