There, at the age of 17, I realized that I could never ever escape from the grasp of my true self. I could not deceive myself, nor could I deceive Gambit for that matter. I was not a male and I knew that he didn't love me as one, either. We were just going to be fooling ourselves, remain in disguise to the outer world and perhaps be happy for a while until realization stroke. I could not build a healthy relationship upon such foundations.