¡Vampiros en La Habana!
History of the Vampires: In 1870, vampires began to get organized.
American vampires met in Chicago and founded the Capa Nostra Society,
making Johnny Terrori their president. European Vampires met in Dusseldorf
to create the Vampire Group and elected Count Dracula as their leader. One
of Dracula's sons, the scientist Werner Amadeus von Dracula, began working
on an anti-sun formula. In 1905, after years of testing his formula on
vampire dogs, Werner tried it on a vampire, but it failed miserably.
Werner was laughed out of Europe, so he took his young nephew Joseph and
moved to Cuba where he perfected a new formula based on rum and pina
colada that he called "Vampisol". Werner fed this formula to his nephew
and found it so successful that young Joseph, now known as Pepe, grew up
in the hot Cuban sun and had no idea that he was really a vampire. It is
now 1933. A cold war has broken out between the American Capa Nostra
Society and the European Vampire Group, both desiring world domination of
the vampire community. Cuba has its own problems, being ruled by a tyrant
named General Machado. Pepe, now a young man, plays trumpet at Club
Pepito's and has joined the Cuban Underground in their fight against
Machado. Pepe is also about to be drawn into the cold war between European
and American vampires.Werner von Dracula has contacted the European Vampire Group with an
offer to make Vampisol available free to all vampires. At the same time,
the American Capa Nostra Society, after developing a number of vampire
"beaches" in New York, San Francisco, and Chicago where vampires can swim
and surf shielded from the sun (for a pretty penny), has sent their
representative, Mr Goingdown, to approach the European Vampire Group with
a plan to open the first European vampire beach in Dusseldorf. Fearing
that Dusseldorf Beach will give Johnny Terrori worldwide dominance over
vampires (and their money), the Vampire Group denies the request. Instead,
they begin plotting to obtain the formula for Vampisol in order to market
it themselves. With exclusive rights to Vampisol, they figure that there
will be no need for vampire "beaches", which will effectively put the Capa
Nostra Society out of business. Unfortunately for the European vampires,
Mr Goingdown, who had been reduced to ashes and flushed down the toilet,
managed to get a phone call to Johnny Terrori...but not quite in time.Back in Chicago, Terrori has just made a deal with gangster Al Tapone
to fund Dusseldorf Beach, based on the success of other American vampire
beaches. Just after Tapone warns Terrori that, if he doesn't pay it back
in two months at 300% interest Tapone will "put the screws" on him,
Terrori gets Mr Goingdown's call and learns about Vampisol and how, if
Vampisol is distributed free to all vampires, it will crumble his domain
(and cost his life) as vampires will no longer use his protected beaches.
Vampires will now be able to hunt babes on the Riviera and give up having
to sleep in boxes during the day. Terrori's only out is to destory the
formula and stake Werner.Meanwhile, Pepe's mission in the Cuban Underground is to seduce
Machado's wife and learn when he sleeps. When Machado's wife opens the
special locks on the bedroom windows to let in Pepe, the plan is that his
three faithful Underground companions will also be able to enter the room.
Pepe's girlfriend Lola, after learning about the plan, is angry. Pepe
ensures Lola that he loves her, that he wants to marry her, and that his
trysts with Machado's wife are strictly business and involve no touching.
While Pepe serenades Lola with his trumpet and Lola dreams of the 14 kids
they're going to have, a freighter is arriving in the Havana harbor. A
truck marked simply "Flowers" embarks and drives away with Johnny Terrori
and his gang inside. At the same time, a shipment of boxes from Dusseldorf
has also arrived, and they are being transported to Werner von Dracula's
house.Werner is excited. Not only have the members of the European Vampire
Group arrived, but tonight he plans to tell Pepe about his vampire
heritage. Pepe has other plans, however, but he promises his uncle that he
will return later. Lola has obtained a position as a housekeeper for
General Machado, and tonight Pepe and his pals intend to raid Machado's
safe. As planned, Machado's wife opens the window for Pepe, Pepe keeps her
busy with his trumpet-playing, and his three pals sneak in, open the safe,
and steal some papers. Unfortunately, their escape plan fails when Machado
wakes up and starts firing at them. They manage to escape along with Lola.
Pepe also escapes, minus his clothes and trumpet mute. He returns to his
uncle but announces that he's in trouble with the law and must lay low
lest he get shot. Uncle Werner informs him that bullets won't hurt him,
because he's a vampire. Pepe doesn't believe it until Werner transforms
and shows his fangs. Then Pepe tries, and it happens to him, too.Just as Pepe is trying out his new vampire wings and bemoaning the
probable end of his life with Lola, the Group from Dusseldorf arrives. As
Werner prepares to read the formula over Radio Vampire International, the
Group suddenly turns on Werner and demands the formula. Pepe attempts to
burn it just as Johnny Terrori and his boys break in and Terrori grabs the
formula from Pepe. Meanwhile, Machada has tracked down Pepe, and his
police force breaks down the front door. Placing all hope on his nephew,
Werner grabs the formula from Terrori, tosses it to Pepe, and breaks open
a window so that Pepe can escape with it. Werner is promptly burned to
ashes along with some of the vampires, but Pepe escapes and is picked up
by his pals who have been waiting outside.While the vampire underground attempts to raise a yacht so that Pepe
can escape Havana, Pepe goes in search of Machado. He finds him having
drinks with his wife in the bar, so Pepe transforms himself into a
vampire. Unfortunately, Machado puts a bullet in Pepe's shoulder. Pepe
runs outside where he is immediately captured by the European Group who
demand the formula, but Pepe distracts them long enough to escape. He runs
to Hideout 2 where he's been told that Lola is hiding. Pepe explains to
Lola about being a vampire, but she doesn't care. They run away with the
Underground but find that they're being pursued by Machado and the police.
Pepe and Lola duck out in a theater. Also in the dark moviehouse are the
European vampires. They notice Pepe and the chase is on again. As Pepe and
Lola had for Hideout 3, they are spotted by Terrori who joins the pursuit.
Pepe and Lola duck out in a motel, then escape through a window while the
vampires are looking for him outside and Machado is distracted when he
finds his wife in bed with another man.Pepe and Lola make it to Hideout 3. Thinking Lola will be safe, Pepe
goes to the bar looking for his pals. While he is gone, one of the
Dusseldorf vampires finds Lola and turns her over to the Group. They force
Lola to telephone Pepe so that they can demand the formula from him. When
Terrori finds out from his werewolf spy that the Dusseldorf Group has
Lola, they head over but cross paths along the way with Pepe who is
speeding on a motorcycle, hoping to save Lola. When Pepe arrives, they
hold a knife to Lola's neck, forcing Pepe to hand over the formula...just
as Terrori arrives. Terrori wants the formula burned, but it gets tossed
back and forth between Pepe, the Group, and Terrori. Terrori ends up with
the formula and starts to burn it while offering one last drink of O+ to
Pepe. Pepe takes a sip and spits it out.Terrori realizes that Pepe has been taking the formula for so long
that he hates blood and is basically human. Disgusted, Terrori heads for
his car...and runs into Al Tapone, who is mad as hell that Terrori hasn't
paid up. Tapone has Terrori staked, while Tapone strikes a deal with the
European Group to market Vampisol. Everyone departs together, leaving Lola
and Pepe to be rescued by the Underground, who announce that Machado has
been toppled.While Tapone and the Underground congratulate themselves for
obtaining the world market of Vampisol, they are surprised to hear Pepe on
Radio Vampire International singing out the formula for Vampisol."On the night of the full moon, measure carefully, I beg,
2 ounces of mint in a spoon, and add a chameleon's egg.
3-1/4 ounces you must add of brown sugar, and no default!
A lizard's heart must then be had.
50 grams must be obtained of hummingbird's bleed, yes
And lots of pina colada (pineapple that's strained) and a pinch of
pepper, I guess.
Take shark extract that's rather thick and pour it in without delay
Add some rum, a swizzle stick and blend and blend away.
Take some tulle to strain it through and set it to cool until it's blue."Original Synopsis by bj_kuehl.
cult, avant garde, psychedelic, comedy