Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters
Before the main feature, a faux theater concession stand advertisement plays. A group of anthropomorphic theater snacks, The Soda Dog Refreshment Band, sings until they are interrupted by another snack band (performed by Mastodon). They proceed to loudly sing their own bizarre theater rules before finishing on a guitar solo.
The film properly begins in Egypt, where Master Shake, Frylock, and Meatwad break free from the Sphinx, and are attacked by an oversized Poodle who kills Frylock before Shake defeats it. Shake and Meatwad flee with Frylock's corpse and meet Time Lincoln. He helps revive Frylock; however, when government agents break into his house, Time Lincoln helps the Aqua Teens escape in a wooden rocket ship. Time Lincoln is shot, changing the timeline and resulting in the Confederate States of America's victory in the American Civil War and the government agents being made slaves to a black Kentucky Colonel as punishment for their crimes against the South. All this, however, is an elaborate story concocted by Shake to explain their origin to Meatwad. A triangular slice of watermelon named Walter Melon is flying about in a spaceship made from a hollowed-out watermelon. He begins observing events of the Aqua Teens on Earth, including a backyard concert performed by Meatwad. All unfolding according to his plan. Walter Melon is joined in the ship by Neil Peart from Rush, sitting at his drums.
Shake plans to work out on his new exercise machine, the "Insanoflex". Frylock notices that the machine isn't assembled properly and the instructions are nowhere to be found. He searches online for them and instead finds a website written in a rare dialect, with a message in English warning not to assemble the machine ever. The site however lists a phone number which Frylock calls. It is revealed to be the number of Emory and Oglethorpe, the Plutonians. Before they even bother to answer the phone, they discover the Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future on board with them. The Cybernetic Ghost explains to the two aliens the story of the Insanoflex: a machine, when assembled, will exercise a man into a super-being, who will attract all the women on Earth leading to massive inbreeding and the eventual extinction of mankind. To prevent this, the Ghost traveled to the past and stolen a single screw that holds the machine together. The Plutonians point out to him that to get it assembled, someone could just buy another screw or shove a pencil in the screw hole. Back on Earth, Frylock finishes re-building the Insanoflex, with a pencil in the screw hole, somehow having obtained instructions. He discovers a missing M-shaped circuit board on the back panel. The trio visit Carl, from whom Shake had stolen the machine, to see if he has the missing piece. After he refuses to tell them, Meatwad finds the address in the Insanoflex's box. Dr. Weird, whose abandoned asylum has been purchased and is being turned into condominiums around them, is visited by Shake, Frylock, and Meatwad. Frylock retrieves the missing circuit board and installs it into the machine upon returning home. Carl insists that as the rightful owner he should be the first to test out the machine. The Insanoflex straps him in and transforms itself into a giant one-eyed robot. The robot plays dance/techno music and heads for downtown Philadelphia, all while Carl's strapped-in form is forced to exercise. Eventually, the robot begins laying metallic spherical eggs, which hatch into smaller versions of the machine.
The Aqua Teens, aided by an instructional workout video, find a way to destroy the machine by using music. With little time and a failed encounter with MC Pee Pants (reincarnated as a fly), the Aqua Teens have no choice but to have Shake play his music. Shake poorly plays his original song "Nude Love" on acoustic guitar, forcing the Insanoflex to commit suicide. Carl (now bulging with so much muscle that he can barely move) leaves with his newly found date, a female bodybuilder named Linda, and they head back to her condo while the Aqua Teens try to figure out a way to stop the newly hatched Insanoflexes from destroying the city.
As they travel to a possible lead back at Dr. Weird's asylum, Frylock begins to tell the origin story of the Aqua Teens: they were created by Dr. Weird, along with a chicken nugget who had gone by the name of Chicken Bittle. In the flashback, Dr. Weird proclaims that the Aqua Teens were created for one purpose: to crash a jet into a brick wall. Realizing the pointlessness of this mission, Frylock diverted the jet and set a course to Africa, where they would try to use their intelligence to solve world hunger. Upon entering Africa, Bittle was attacked and eaten by a lion. The remaining Aqua Teens then tried to help a small village but instead scared them away. After realizing they couldn't be much help, they returned to America and rented out what is now their house in New Jersey. Shake and Meatwad state that they do not remember any of this, but Frylock explains it was because they were too busy playing Game Boy to pay any attention.
Meanwhile, Carl and Linda recline in her room, where she reveals "herself" to be Dr. Weird in disguise. He cuts off Carl's muscles and grafts them onto his own body. Frylock and Dr. Weird do battle while they argue back and forth about who created whom. Dr. Weird claims that it was Frylock who created him, not the other way around. Dr Weird shows Frylock a teddy bear filled with razor blades. Shake tries to take the teddy bear, but he loses his hand. Dr. Weird then reveals that the blue diamond on Frylock's back hides a VCR, in which a video tape with false memories of Dr. Weird creating Frylock had been playing in Frylock's head. Frylock also admits that he is transsexual lesbian trapped in a man's body. Just then, Walter Melon arrives in his ship. Meatwad mentions he saw the ship earlier. Shake calls him a liar and shoots him with a shotgun. Shake gets concerned when Meatwad doesn't reform like always. Walter tells Neil to play the Drum Solo Of Life to bring Meatwad back to life. Meanwhile, Shake tries to pick up the teddy bear for the 2nd time, but loses his other hand. Shake forgets about his hands and leaves it. Walter Melon explains he created the Aqua Teens and all the other characters, including the Insanoflex. His plan was so that they would all eventually kill each other and Walter would inherit all their real estate in order to create the "Insano-Gym". Everyone, however, informs Walter that they all rent and do not own any property, proving Walter's plan and everyone's existence had been useless and pointless. Walter storms off in his ship, threatening to tell their mother. Just then, the Teens see their alleged mother standing before them, revealed to be a 9-layer bean burrito. Shake unknowingly jumps out the window, Meatwad hugs her and Frylock states, "That's neat." In an abrupt end, The Soda Dog Refreshment Gang come onscreen once again and sing the audience out.
In a post-credits scene, The Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future is seen humping the TV in the Aqua Teens' living room. Then a female box of fries (presumably Frylock who got a sex change) comes in and says, "Time for bed, honey..."
psychedelic, cult, humor