You Don't Mess with the Zohan
Zohan Dvir (Adam Sandler) is a superhuman Israeli counterterrorist and the finest and most respected soldier in the Israel Defense Forces. However, Zohan has become both disgusted and disenchanted by the constant fighting, secretly dreaming of moving to the USA and becoming a hairdresser. This reaches a breaking point when a barbecue he hosts is interrupted by the IDF sending Zohan on a mission to stop a Palestinian terrorist group being led by his personal arch-enemy, Fatoush "Phantom" Hakbarah (John Turturro), another superhuman. Despite being upset over his ruined party, Zohan sees it as his long-awaited chance to desert the IDF and move to America. During the pursuit he fakes his own death and smuggles himself onto a plane to New York City, cuts his hair, and adopts the alias "Scrappy Coco" (the names of two dogs he shared the flight's baggage hold with) while claiming that he is "Half Australian, Half Mount Everest." Meanwhile, the Phantom becomes rich and famous for supposedly killing Zohan and starts his own fast-food business, "Phantom's Muchentuchen".
Initially unsuccessful in finding employment at several salons, Zohan's military expertise earns him a new friend, Michael (Nick Swardson), who gives him a place to stay. However, Michael starts to freak out when he finds Zohan sleeping with his mother, Gail (Lainie Kazan). Zohan encounters a fellow Israeli named Oori (Ido Mosseri) at a disco; he recognizes Zohan but vows to keep his identity a secret. Oori takes him to an area in lower Manhattan populated with Middle Eastern immigrants, who are split between a Palestinian side and an Israeli side of the street. Zohan attempts to land a job in a struggling salon of a Palestinian woman named Dalia (Emmanuelle Chriqui). Dalia reluctantly allows Zohan to sweep floors for free, but after losing one of her employees, she eventually allows him to be a stylist after he pleases a senior lady with an exceptional haircut and back room sexual service. Zohan's reputation spreads rapidly among the elderly women of lower Manhattan. Dalia's business prospers, upsetting Grant Walbridge (Michael Buffer), a corporate magnate who has been trying to buy out all the local tenants on the block so that he can build a rollercoaster mall.
Zohan is identified by a Palestinian cab driver named Salim (Rob Schneider), who bears a grudge against Zohan for having taken his goat away in Palestine long ago. Salim convinces his friends to help him kill Zohan but, after a failed bomb attempt, he is forced to contact Phantom. Salim attempts to blackmail Phantom, but he ends up getting the stiff end of the deal as he convinces Phantom to visit New York to find Zohan. Meanwhile, Zohan realizes that he has fallen in love with Dalia and comes clean to Michael and his mother about his true identity (after learning of Phantom's visit) before meeting Dalia. Dalia rejects Zohan after he reveals he was formerly an Israeli counterterrorist operative. Zohan decides to leave Dalia to protect her and confront Phantom in a championship Hacky Sack game sponsored by Walbridge. Zohan's fight is cut short with sudden news of the Middle Eastern block being attacked, and he quickly leaves, shortly after discussing his plans with undercover agent (Harry Denton).
Zohan arrives and calms the Israelis and Palestinians, who each blame the other for the violence, while making peace with Salim. Phantom then appears and confronts Zohan, but Zohan refuses to fight. Dalia appears, revealing that she is Phantom's sister, and convinces her brother to cooperate with Zohan against the arsonists, revealed to be racist rednecks hired by Walbridge to instigate an interethnic riot so he can get his new mall in the aftermath. As Zohan and Phantom work to save the block (by singing "The Sound", a sound so loud, it destroys many shop windows, blows the manhole cover, and even blows up the artificial breasts of Walbridge's wife), Phantom admits that he always wanted to be a shoe salesman rather than a terrorist. Although the rednecks are defeated and Walbridge is jailed, Phantom keeps singing "The Sound" and accidentally destroys all of the shops on the block. However, with the Israelis and Palestinians united, the block is transformed into a collectively owned mall called the Peace and Brotherhood Fire Insurance Mall. Phantom opens a shoe shop in the mall called Fatoush's Kickin' Shoes, Oori reopens his "Going Out of Business" electronics shop, Salim gets back his goat, which he gives small children rides on next to Trendy Toddler, and Zohan and Dalia open a beauty salon together called Dalohan, with Zohan having now married Dalia, having a Baby son "Zohan Jr.". In the end, Zohan's parents, initially unsupportive of his dream to be a hairdresser, show up, approving of his new job and lifestyle before his father requests that he cut his hair, which Zohan happily does.
comedy, stupid, violence, flashback, humor, comic, revenge