The One-Nighter
Ever wake up with someone you've never met? It's awkward. You don't know where you are or how you got there? Has that ever happened to you? Your wallet, keys and cell phone have been stolen. You're locked in a crappy apartment on the 16Th floor of a high rise in Newark and the only person who can hear you scream for help is Pixie, the ex-hooker next door who's pissed at you because she's trying to give her boyfriend, Louie, the 'Pixie L'Amour Hula Special.' That's what happens to Chad, a body building underwear salesman from Brazil who loves every inch of himself and Annie, a Catholic kindergarten teacher from Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrows.Pixie's not having a great day either. Once, she was the highest paid hooker in Newark but she gave up all her other tricks when Louie said he was going to divorce his wife and they would be together. That was 32 years ago today and she's beginning to think he's never going to leave her. Louie has been seeing her every Wednesday morning from nine to eleven, except during Lent. He gives her up for Lent.Meanwhile, Zander, the guy who locked Chad and Annie in his apartment, shows up, says he's a cab driver and they stiffed him for his fare last night and he's not going to let them out until he gets his money. Annie signs a check for him because she has an entire kindergarten waiting for her not to mention a nun the kids call Sister Quasimodo. Chad gives him his ATM code because he has a meeting for a $3 million account for men's fiber filled shorts. Zander leaves to get his money.Louie agrees to let Pixie give him her hula special but he wants to do it on the clothes dryer. He likes the vibration. Louie gets up on the dryer. Pixie gets up on the washer but when Louie twists around to turn the dryer on, his back goes out. He can't move. He screams in agony. Pixie says she'll call 9-1-1! Louie screams even louder. 'No 911! No 911!' 'Why Not? They'll take you to the hospital!' 'And Medusa will find out about us! She'll skin me alive. She'll take every dime I've got and make me pay alimony until I'm dead!' 'That'll be better than dying right here on the dryer!' Louie writhes in pain, 'It's not my heart. I'm not going to die right here on the dryer. Ya got any drugs?' Pixie thinks back, 'Yeah. I got Maui Wowie.' She whips out her plastic bag of stash -- dated 1986. Louie whines, 'We're gonna smoke dope from the last century?' Meanwhile, Bubbles, Zander's girlfriend who is not too bright, knocks on Zander's door, 'Sugar Buns? Let me in. I forgot my keys at work.' Annie answers, 'I can't let you in. Zander's got these locks that won't open from the inside. ' Bubbles answers, 'Oh, yeah. Why does he have those crazy locks on there?' 'I don't know. I'm asking you.' 'What are you doing in my boyfriends apartment?' 'I don't know. I woke up in here and I couldn't get out.' When Bubbles finds out that Zander brought Annie and a man home with him, her mind boggles with the possibilities. 'I'm going to kill him.' She storms off.
Meanwhile, Louie and Pixie light up and choke their brains out on the twenty-five -year-old weed.Then Annie and Chad begin to remember last night. They lie down on the bed; Annie looks deeply into his eyes, 'Chad? Was I any good?' 'You were very pleasant.' 'What should I do to improve?' 'Moving would help.' Zander pounds on the door with his gun. 'Excuse me, folks. I'm back.'Louie, stoned out of his mind, asks Pixie if she's ready to give him 'The Pixie L'Amour Hula Special.' Equally buzzed, she manages to get up on her knees on top of the washer and crawl over to him.' We hear a crack. She screams. Louie asks, 'What is it? Is it your back?' 'No! It's my hip! We gotta get to the phone. I don't care if Medusa finds out." But Louie still can't move and she can't move. Now they're the ones screaming for help. What a way to start the day.We follow our six characters as they bob and weave through the labarynth of love always going somewhere one would never expect and just when it seems nothing is going to work out, everything changes one night in Newark.
romantic