Of Thee I Sing
=== Act I ===
In the U.S. in the 1930s, a campaign parade is taking place to support "Wintergreen for President". John P. Wintergreen has been nominated for President and Alexander Throttlebottom has been nominated for Vice President, but he is of such little importance no one can remember who he is. Politicians meet in a hotel room to devise a campaign platform, and when they ask the chambermaid what she cares about, she first says "money," then "love" when pressed further. The men decide that Wintergreen's platform will be "love;" they'll have a pageant to select the most beautiful girl in the United States, and Wintergreen will fall in love and marry her.
The pageant begins in Atlantic City, New Jersey, and the contestants wonder, "Who is the Lucky Girl to Be?" The photographers assure them that even if they do not win, they will surely be loved ("The Dimple on My Knee"). Wintergreen is getting nervous about marrying a girl he doesn't know. While the girls are at the final judging, he confides in Mary Turner, the sensible young woman running the pageant. He does not want to marry a girl just because she's beautiful; he wants a wife who will make a good home for him and his future children. Mary shares her corn muffin with him. Wintergreen tells Mary that he'd rather marry her than any of the girls in the contest. He kisses her, and she agrees to marry him. The judges of the pageant announce that Diana Devereaux, a beautiful southern girl, has won the contest, but Wintergreen declares that he loves Mary Turner. When he gives some of Mary's extraordinary corn muffins to the judges, they agree that John and Mary are meant to wed ("Because, Because").
Outside Madison Square Garden in New York City, at a rally for Wintergreen, the campaigners declare that "Love is Sweeping the Country." Inside, where politicians are speaking in favor of Wintergreen, a wrestling match is going on just below the speakers' platform as Alexander Throttlebottom tries to explain to the organizers that he's the candidate for Vice-President. Wintergreen proposes to Mary onstage, as he has in forty-seven states before. She accepts again, and Wintergreen sings the campaign song to her, "Of Thee I Sing".
On election night, Wintergreen wins by a landslide. Inauguration day arrives, which is also Wintergreen's wedding day. As his inaugural address, Wintergreen bids goodbye to the girls he used to know ("Here's a Kiss for Cinderella"). The Chief Justice presides over the wedding ceremony, and just after he has pronounced John and Mary man and wife, Diana Devereaux interrupts the proceedings. She is serving Wintergreen with a summons for breach of promise. She insists she is the one he should have married ("I Was the Most Beautiful Blossom"). The Supreme Court rules that Mary's corn muffins are more important than justice in this matter, and Diana angrily leaves to tell her story across the nation. Wintergreen leads the Supreme Court and spectators in a chorus of "Of Thee I Sing".
=== Act II ===
John and Mary settle down to business in the White House. Her "desk," back-to-back with his, is a fully loaded tea-table. Their secretaries greet each other "Hello, Good Morning." Alexander Throttlebottom, now Vice-President, sneaks into the White House with a tour group. When a guide tells him that the Vice-President's job is to preside over the U. S. Senate, Throttlebottom eagerly dashes off to the Capitol. Wintergreen's fellow party members inform him that Diana Devereaux is gaining support across the nation. Wintergreen holds a press conference and tells the reporters that his love for Mary is the only thing that matters ("Who Cares?"). The French ambassador unexpectedly arrives ("Garçon, S'il Vous Plaît"). He has a surprise for Mr. Wintergreen: Diana is "'The Illegitimate Daughter' of an illegitimate son of an illegitimate nephew of Napoleon." He insists that Wintergreen annul his marriage and marry Diana to right his grievous offense against France. Everyone agrees that Wintergreen should be impeached for breach of promise ("We'll Impeach Him"), but John and Mary do not care, since they have each other ("Who Cares?" (Reprise)).
Throttlebottom has found the Senate, and the party members inform him that he will soon be President. He is very excited and goes into the Senate Chamber to preside, beginning by taking "The Roll Call." The resolution on the impeachment of the President is brought up, and the French Ambassador and Diana mournfully insist that she was "Jilted." Mary saves the day when she announces that she is pregnant ("Who Could Ask For Anything More?"). The senators refuse to impeach an expectant father, and Wintergreen declares that "Posterity" is just around the corner. The French Ambassador informs Wintergreen that by not marrying Diana, he has contributed to France's declining birth rate. He demands the Wintergreens' baby as a replacement for the one they have "taken" from France. John refuses, and the ambassador walks out.
In the Yellow Room of the White House, guests are arriving bearing gifts for the baby ("Trumpeter, Blow Your Horn"). Wintergreen is nervously awaiting the baby's birth when the French Ambassador arrives with a final message from France: surrender the baby or France will sever diplomatic relations with the U.S. The Supreme Court justices, who have the duty to determine the sex of the baby, announce that twins have been born, a boy and a girl. The French ambassador is even more wounded by this proclamation: France has lost two babies instead of one! Diana mournfully joins him, and Alexander Throttlebottom arrives bearing sweaters for the babies. The French Ambassador is about to declare war when Wintergreen has a brilliant idea: according to Article Twelve of the Constitution, when the President of the United States is unable to fulfill his duties, his obligations are assumed by the Vice-President! The ambassador calls Wintergreen a genius, and Throttlebottom is ecstatic as they pass Diana over to him. Servants wheel a large bed into the room, where Mary sits with the babies. Wintergreen leads everyone in proclaiming, "Of Thee I Sing."
satire