Ghosts of Girlfriends Past
Connor Mead (Matthew McConaughey) walks into a building where his assistant, Melanie, meets him and gives him all of his messages and such. He stops behind a camera and takes one photo of a bunch of women in their underwear. He and his assistant keep walking and run into more women in their underwear, who invite him to dinner. He says hes booked and as they walk away, he tells his assistant to book them too. He walks behind a curtain and meets a singer who is supposed to be on the cover of Vanity Fair. He strips her down and puts an apple on her head and tells a lady with a bow and arrow to shoot the apple and he takes the picture.Connor and the singer are making out when the assistant comes in. She tells him about three messages he has from various women hes been seeing and that he needs to leave soon to make his brothers wedding rehearsal. He asks his assistant to break up with the women for him, but she refuses. He tells her to put them on a conference call. She puts all three on the computer and he proceeds to break up with them. The singer says that Connor is as bad as they say and that she knows he wont do that to her. He says he broke up with those women for her. They continue to make out.Connor is driving to his brother's rehearsal when he passes some swings that seem to hold significance. He gets to the venue where the rehearsal is taking place. He knocks on the window and the groom, Paul (Breckin Meyer), is really excited that he came. The bride, Sandra, is not as happy. Jenny (Jennifer Garner) is a bit nervous also. Sandra reveals that all but one of her bridesmaids has slept with Connor. The venue turns out to be Connor and Pauls uncle Waynes (Michael Douglas) karate dojo. Connor tells Paul that its not too late and if he changes his mind, he can take his car and leave. Paul laughs until he sees that Connor is serious. Sandra sees Connor giving Paul keys and asks Jenny why hes giving him keys. Jenny tries to cover by saying he may be giving them a car. She goes over to the guys and confronts and threatens Connor to be supportive. Paul introduces Connor to his wife and her bridesmaids and his groomsmen. They are honored to meet Connor after hearing the stories about him. The minister turns out to be Sandras dad and a sergeant.Connor goes upstairs where there are pictures of uncle Wayne with various women along the wall. He gets to his room where there are flowers and lavender scented candles everywhere. Connor picks them up and throws them in the fireplace. Jenny explains that the wedding scent is lavender. Connor says that uncle Wayne is rolling over in his grave. He explains that when he was alive, his uncle used that room for week-long orgies. Jenny reveals that people were taking bets to see if Connor would even show up. He seems a little hurt that people would think he would miss his brothers wedding. Jenny says she knows that Connor is not really a jerk and he only acts that way to get women to sleep with him; deep down, hes really a sweetheart. She tells him that his secrets safe and she wont tell anyone that he has feelings.At the dinner, Connor wants the drinks to keep coming and someone asks him if hes going to photograph his brothers wedding. He says no, hes not a wedding photographer. Jenny says hes not used to taking pictures of people with their clothes on. Paul and Sandra come over and Sandra starts freaking out because there are no figs in the arugula salad. Paul calms her down and everyone says that the salad is fine. Paul says that Sandra and he want Connor to make a toast at their wedding. Theres a funny scene where Sandra tries to get Connor to say no. Connor says he cant toast a wedding and that he doesnt believe in marriage. He says love is a myth and leaves, but not before saying that some figs in his salad would have been better.He goes to the bathroom where he sees his dead uncles ghost at the urinal. He asks Wayne what hes doing there and Wayne says hes here to warn Connor to not waste his life like he did. Connor is confused because Wayne had a great life and he is a legend. Wayne says Connor shouldnt want to be like him but hes on the path of becoming like him. He says Connor will be visited by three ghosts and will be forced to feel things he hasnt felt in a long time. Wayne disappears and Connor is freaked out and calls Melanie and leaves her a message. He leaves the bathroom and walks up to the bar where he sees a woman and thinking she is a ghost he reaches out for her breast and says they feel real and she says they are and that she likes to be bought a drink first. She turns out to be Sandras mom, whos been divorced eight years and hasnt talked to the sergeant since. He rants about how single people get a bad rap and that casual sex shouldnt be treated like a crime. He asks if theyre off limits and she says definitely. She tells him that the blonde bridesmaid that he hadnt slept with has been eyeing him the whole time they were talking. The bridesmaid comes up to Connor and asks what he and Sandras mom were talking about. He says casual sex and then apologizes to her for making her feel left out because shes the only bridesmaid he hasnt slept with. But before sending her up to his room asks if she was the same one that slept with Paul.Meanwhile Sandra tries to hook Jenny up with a handsome single doctor named Brad. Sandra makes it really awkward so Jenny and Brad leave and run into Conner at the bar. Jenny sees the blonde heading up the stairs and Conner and Jenny immediately bicker with each other.Connor goes up to his room where he hears a woman under his blankets. He thinks its the bridesmaid, but its a girl in a 1985 style outfit and braces. He remembers her name is Allison and she gets excited. She tells him that shes is the ghost of girlfriends past and he runs out of his room. She appears in front of him outside and he runs back inside the room. She is there waiting and he says that shes not real and shes only a repressed memory activated by all the alcohol hes been drinking. She says shes going to take him to visit all his past girlfriends. They fly off on the bed turns into a portal for time and land when he was young, the time of his first relationship. Young Connor is running toward the swings that Connor had passed in the beginning of the movie. Young Jenny is running behind him and Young Connor says that he beat her. She says no, she let him win because its his birthday. He points out that theres a gift next to the swings and she gives it to him. Its a Polaroid camera and he tells her shes the best. She asks what else he thinks of her. He takes a picture of her and when it comes out, he says it doesnt look like her because it looks like a girl. Young Connor says hes going to keep it forever. Allison starts swooning and Connor claims he never said that. He asks if Allison edited the moment or if its his brother. Allison keeps rewinding the moment where young Connor says that hell keep it forever. Young Connor and Jenny look like theyre about to kiss when he jumps up and starts running and she calls him a cheater. An older man picks up young Connor. We find out that the man is Connors dad and it is the summer before the car accident that took their life. Connors dad and mom are walking arm in arm and kissing and Connor remarks about how happy they look. Fast forward to the summer after and young Connor, Jenny, and Paul are at a funeral and Allison explains that Wayne, Jenny, and Paul were all he had left after the accident. Jenny was the only person who knew him before he became a womanizer. At the funeral, young Jenny takes young Connors hand.Fast forward to Junior High School. They arrive at a homecoming dance where Connor and Jenny are there together talking about how lame the dance is. Allison explains that this was the time where they were trying to figure out if they were going to take their friendship to the next level. A slow song starts playing and young Connor and Jenny are looking at each other. Connor tells his young self to ask her to dance. Just as he is about to, Jennys friends come up to her screaming and tell her that a jock, Pete Hastings, wants to dance with her and probably will make out with her. She turns to look at young Connor whos looking down at his feet. She turns around and says OK and walks off as young Connor looks after her. Connor tries to console his young self, who cant hear him. Allison says at least Pete didnt choke and starts fake gagging. Connor claims he was just being a gentleman. Young Jenny and Pete start making out on the dance floor and young Connor runs off and gets into his uncles car. Wayne notices that hes crying and Conner starts venting about how Jennys first kiss was with the jock. Wayne says that he dodged a bullet because he shouldnt want to be anybodys first or last kiss. Connor and Allison are in the backseat listening to the whole conversation. Young Connor says he doesnt know what to do and it sucks feeling this way and he hates girls. This prompts Wayne to slam on the brakes and demands young Connor to stop talking like a sissy. He says he cant teach young Connor algebra or camping or ethics but he can teach him about girls. Young Connor is excited and says hell do anything to never feel like this again. Wayne speeds off and takes young Connor to a bar, which he calls a classroom. Wayne orders two scotches and tells him the rules. Young Connor is looking around at all the women and Wayne says rule #1: dont look at them. Young Connor takes a sip of scotch and spits it out. Rule #2: Dont soil your wing-man. Wayne explains that women love to laugh, especially at men because it makes them feel powerful, which in turns makes them feel comfortable, which makes them prone to errors in judgment, like having sex with strangers. Young Connor says hes not allowed to talk to strangers. Wayne says thats good no talking, no phone numbers, no first or last names. Allison yells for someone to call child protective services. Connor shushes her and says let the prophet speak. Wayne explains to young Connor that an ugly woman doesnt always have a shot with a man, but a man always has a chance because cool comes from the inside. Connor is listening with a smile. Wayne gives young Connor tips like give a girl two compliments above the neck, and then insult her to flip the power dynamic. Young Connor says that Jenny doesnt like games and Wayne tells him to forget about her because his feelings for her are killing his game. Wayne says the one thing young Connor has to learn is that the power of a relationship lies with whoever cares less. He also says that one day, if Connor wakes up with a woman spooning him, he must run out of the room because sometime in the future, hell be crushed again. He then asks young Connor how he would approach the ice cold blonde behind him. Young Connor says he would talk to the girl next to her to make her jealous. Wayne says he never felt like Connor was his son until that moment. Wayne gets up to leave, but young Connor wants him to try to pick up the blonde. Wayne says he should throw small fish back to the sea, but young Connor wants to see his uncle in action so Wayne goes to pick up the blonde. Connor tells Allison to watch his uncles move. Wayne talks to the blondes friend and gets slapped in the face. He walks over to young Connor and says thats how its done and young Connor asks what he means because he struck out. Wayne tells him to wait and see and that when the blonde walks up behind Wayne and tells him that just because her friends not into whatever he said, that shes not like her. Young Connor smiles. Allison says Connor was never the same and they leave.Fast forward to 16 years old. Theyre in a basement and young Jennys there. Allison explains that he hadnt seen her for years while he was at the hand of his master. Young Connor arrives and walks down the stairs. The group of girls that Jennys with start talking about all the rumors theyve heard about him like he was home schooled in Vegas or was it Bangkok? Jenny is looking at him and smiling and he sees her but he walks away to another group of people. Connor yells after his young self saying nice move. Young Connor looks back at a dejected Jenny and her friends are laughing and telling her that he doesnt want to talk to her. They comment that he looks like both members of Duran Duran. Young Connor starts making out with a girl and Allison is excited because its HER younger self. Jenny walks out of the room. Allison tells Connor that they dated for 39 minutes and he didnt get the girl he really loved, but he did get all the other girls in high school. She asks if he remembers his first time with her and that he didnt last very long. She compares being his first to being like Neil Armstrong.Cut to a few years later and young Connor is an adult with long hair. He is now a photographer and hes explaining to a bunch of women how he is inspired by women. Jenny walks by and the younger Connor gets up to say hi. He excuses himself to buy a drink for the girl who blew him off for Pete Hastings. She says she didnt blow him off, he choked and he admits it. She asks what hes doing with all those women and he says that he works for a famous photographer. She says that shes a doctor (first year resident) and he talks about how he makes $150K a year and orders drinks in Spanish. She is turned off by his actions and asks if hes going to try to get her into bed now. He says yeah and he didnt buy her a drink just to see how shes been. He asks her how shes been anyways and she says she and Pete are madly in love and live in a house and there a lot of slow dancing in her red dress. Younger Connor corrects her says it was a hot pink dress. Just then Jennys friend comes to get her to leave and younger Connor wants her to give him her number. She says no, and he says that he has a medical condition and by law she has to see him. She asks what his condition is, and he says broken heart. She laughs and he says he wants a little dinner and sex and she says just dinner and hes reluctant. She walks away and he says dinner is good. She comes back to him and he wants to have dinner right now. She says OK but only if he buttons up his shirt because he looks like a gay pirate. They are walking down the sidewalk after dinner and laughing. Jenny cant really walk straight but they reach her house. Connor and Allison arrive to see younger Conner make fun of himself and Connor says he should put the self deprecation back in his play book. Allison says shes concerned that he may be missing the whole point of this trip down memory lane. Younger Jenny tries to say good night, but younger Connor tries to get into her house. She says no and that he has to woo her for his own benefit. Connor asks Allison whats next and she says theyre going to watch a montage of younger Connor and younger Jenny while listening to Time After Time. There are various scenes of them playing Foosball, taking pictures, going on dates, etc. After several weeks of wooing younger Jenny, younger Connor gets to go to her bedroom. They are in bed and Connor and Allison are there too. Younger Connor says that the sex was amazing and younger Jenny says its because they had 20 years of foreplay. Younger Connor gets up and gets dressed and younger Jenny asks what hes doing. He says he has work early in the morning and she says her alarm is already set. He explains that he doesnt stay over and she says there are two types of women ones you shag and leave and ones you shag and snuggle with. She gives him three seconds to get back in bed with her or he is to never call her again. He gets back into bed after ..2.. and spoons her. Allison tells Connor that this is the moment he truly fell in love with Jenny and the moment he realized he was spooning. Younger Connor gets up and leaves. Younger Jenny wakes up the next morning to no one next to her and Connor says he doesnt want to watch. The phone rings and younger Jenny picks up her phone and tells the person shell be right there then starts to cry. Allison tells Connor that was when he officially became Connor Mead. Allison pushes Connor out of the room and tells him shell buy him a drink.Allison and Connor arrive at a place with all the women hes had relationships with. She tells him that after Jenny, his relationships became shorter and shorter. Hes walking through a very long row of women who tell him where they had sex and how long they dated and that he never called them again. He asks Allison how many more there are and she says a lot. He looks down into a seemingly never ending line of women. Suddenly, all the women start grabbing at him and saying they miss him. He yells get off and then you see him in his uncle Waynes room wrapped in a blanket and falling off the bed.Downstairs, the sergeant is showing off his seating chart and Jenny sees Connor. Connor is in desperate search for alcohol and goes into the kitchen where he finds a box of champagne. He pops the cork off and it flies across the kitchen and knocks one of the stands for the tiered wedding cakes off. He doesn't pay any attention and starts drinking when he notices the wedding cake tipping over. He catches the the cake, but the stand is out of his reach so he has to keep holding the cake. He looks for a replacement and sees the bottle of champagne and tries to get it with his foot. In the other room, Jenny is organizing the wedding dance when Brad asks her to dance. She is reluctant, but Sandra tells her to dance. She and Brad start to dance and hes a very good dancer. She asks him where he learned to dance and he says he spent some time in Colombia; Sandra adds that it was with Doctors without Borders. Suddenly Conner screams. Jenny comes rushing in and Connor is on the floor with the cake on the ground. Sandra comes in and devastated she falls on her knees. The rest of the family comes in and Connor says that the cake wasnt very good. Sandra is upset that he had a piece and he says it just splattered in his mouth. She starts going off on him and her dad holds her back. Jenny tries to calm everyone down and Connor tries to sneak out.In another room, Sandra is getting massaged to calm down. The bridesmaids start saying that Connor is ruining the wedding and "Operation Sex for Every Bridesmaid".Back in the kitchen Connor is on his hands and knees cleaning up the cake mess while Jenny is watching him and laughing. He apologizes for how things turned out between them. Jenny takes some of the blame because she was always attracted to men she thought she could fix, but after Connor, she vowed to only date adjusted, fully functional men. He asks how strong that vow is and tries to kiss her. She pushes him away and he tells her that hes changed and he sees things in a whole different way and that he thinks he loves her. She tells him to stop and that she knows him and when she wakes up tomorrow, he wont be there. He begs her and says he doesnt want to be alone because there are ghosts in his bedroom.He goes up to his room where he hears a voice underneath the covers. He thinks its a ghost and runs out, but it was just one of the bridesmaids. He gets into his car, but it wont start. Melanie is there and hes happy to see her and tries to give her a hug, but it turns out that she is the Ghost of Girlfriends Present. ?? She explains that shes the only consistent woman in his life. She asks if hes ready and he braces himself. She asks what hes doing and he says he thought they were going to fly off. She says she the ghost of the present and that theyre there already and gets out of the car.They enter the room where everyone is laughing and making fun of Connors shallowness. Paul comes to his defense and says that he basically raised him (touching scene). Jenny walks in as one of the bridesmaids is says that Connor has Jenny so twisted that she isnt taking advantage of Brads interest in her. Jenny walks out and Connor follows her into the kitchen, where shes crying and trying to fix the cake. Brad comes in and Connor is irritated. Brad jokes that he used to be a pastry chef and asks if she wants to talk. She says that she hasnt seen Connor in a decade and the moment she sees him, its just like it was before. Brad says that the doctors joke is that they never break up; they just go into remission, which makes Jenny laugh. He says the only way doctors get over someone is by finding someone else to love. Connor is upset because hes bringing them together. Melanie says its time to go, but Connor wants to see what will happen. She slaps him and they transported to a room with the three women he broke up with in a conference call. It turns out that its Melanies apartment and she tells the women that hes not worth it.He walks out and sees his uncle who asks how hes holding up. Connor says he doesnt understand why all those women hate him. It starts to rain and Wayne explains that the rain is all the tears that the ladies hes slept with cried. Tissues start to fall and Wayne says those are all the tissues used to wipe away all the tears. Then he says these are all the chocolates youve sent them. Connor braces himself, but nothing falls and his uncle laughs and says that Connor doesnt send chocolates. Then Wayne says these are all the condoms you used. Connor starts screaming and running then wakes up in his car.He walks into the room where Sandra is throwing the wedding decorations in the fireplace. Connor says that they wont believe what just happened to him and they all stop. He asks if all the fuss is about the wedding cake and Jenny tells him no, its about the fact that Conner told the blonde bridesmaid how Paul slept with one of the bridesmaids and Sandra found out. Apparently, Paul and Sandra were dating at that time. Paul apologizes over and over and Connor says Paul clearly loves Sandra and if HE can see that, then it must be real. Jenny asks how Sandra can trust Paul anymore and Connor asks if shes talking about Paul or HIMSELF. He also points out that the bridesmaid is also to blame. Sandra storms out and Paul asks Connor to leave because all hes done is make things worse.Connor leaves and starts yelling for the ghost of girlfriends future. He claims that this was the ghost he was most looking forward to because he wants to see his future girlfriend. A floating figure appears and it manifests into a gorgeous blonde. He asks her if she is his future girlfriend and she shakes her head No. He then asks her if she wants to be, and she turns around and walks away. He follows her. They end up in the woods and walking towards a church where a wedding is taking place. Connor is shocked because he thinks hes getting married. Jenny walks down in her wedding dress and Connor is OK with it until he sees that the groom is Brad. Connor keeps yelling NO but no one can hear him. He tries to break Jenny and Brad apart by jumping on them, but he flies through them. He stands up and the church is empty except for Paul sitting alone in pew looking scruffy. Conner approaches him and sees Paul doesn't have a wedding ring. It turns out that he didnt get married because of Connor. Connor follows Paul outside and Paul turns into an old man. He follows Paul to a funeral where Paul is the only person present. It's Connors funeral. Wayne appears and says that no one really misses him. Paul gets up to say a few words saying that Connor was a great brother. Wayne pushes Connor into his grave and all the women that hes slept with start shoveling dirt into the hole.Connor wakes up in his bed screaming. Hes happy to be alive and opens up the window and shouts to a boy who is shoveling snow if its Christmas. The boy says no, its Saturday. Connor is excited because he hasnt missed the wedding yet. He runs down the stairs where nothing is happening. He sees Paul and asks if he missed the wedding and Paul says no, that Connor got his wish and Sandra called off the wedding. Connor says they cant split up because theyre meant to be together and Paul says Connor is being a sarcastic prick. Connor says hes not being sarcastic and asks where Sandra is. Paul says that the sergeant is taking Sandra and the bridesmaids to the airport and that its over.Connor runs outside and sees all the cars have been buried under snow. Conner gets an idea, and you see a car bust out of the garage and it's Waynes old car. Connor follows the sergeants car and flies past them when he slides in the snow. He tries to brake, but he slides even worse so he jumps out of the car and the car crashes. He runs back to the road where the sergeant and the girls see him. The sergeant brakes and gets out of the car and Connor says that he needs to talk to Sandra. The sergeant refuses and Connor punches him which knocks him out. Sandra gets out and Connor locks the bridesmaids in the car but they crack a window open. He apologizes for destroying the wedding cake, going to second base with her mother, punching her dad, and breaking up her wedding. He begs her to not run away because she and Paul have something rare and wonderful. She yells that he cheated and Connor says to get over it because it was years ago. He points out that shes not mad at her friend because she doesnt actually care because shes so in love with Paul that she forgave him the moment she heard and thats what scares her. Sandra says that he doesnt know how she feels. He says he knows exactly how she feels because he was in her shoes. He says he thought what if "she" hurt him or left him or died; it would have been the end of him. Inside the car Jenny realizes he is talking about HER. He says thats why he cut it short, but it was the biggest mistake hes ever made and that Sandras making the same mistake. He tells her to risk love because if she doesnt shell end up like him. He tells her that she may get hurt, but any pain she feels will never be as bad as the regret of walking away from love. Sandra says that she thinks Connor might be right and that she wants to get married. The bridesmaids cheer in the car.Paul is packing when Sandra comes in and hugs him. Downstairs, Jenny is going through a check list and she calls for a photographer and Connor volunteers. The wedding turns out perfect. At the reception, Connor gets up to give his toast. He says that someone once told him that the power lies with the person who cares less, and while that may be true, power doesnt mean happiness; happiness happens when people care more, like his brother, who gives love and doesnt expect any in return. He says he wants to be more like Paul so that Paul can be proud of him again. He also tells Sandra that his mom and dad would have loved her.The bridesmaids come over and tell Connor that they want to hook up with him but he declines. Outside, Jenny is on the swings and Connor sneaks up behind her. He congratulates her on pulling off a great wedding. She asks what happened last night because yesterday, he was his usual awful self, but today he became the guy she used to know. He declares his feelings for her and she says she wishes she could believe him, but shes been through this before. He takes out his wallet and pulls out the Polaroid picture he took when he was really young. She is shocked and happy that he kept it. He asks for one more chance and hes in for the wooing and spooning. He promises to be there every time she wakes up in the morning. They kiss and he sees his uncle in the window. The song from the dance when he was in Junior High starts to play at the wedding and they can hear it outside. Connor asks Jenny to dance and she jokes that it's about time and they dance outside. Inside, Melanie arrives and catches the eye of Brad. Wayne hits on the ghost of the future and she throws a drink in his face. He hits on Allison and she says ewww shes only sixteen and walks away to which he says, theyre ghosts so theyre ageless.End credits:Sandras mom and dad dance and congratulate each other on a good job raising Sandra. She calls him Mervis and one of the guests overhears. The sergeant threatens to kill him if he ever repeats that.Sandra throws the bouquet but an arrow comes flying out of nowhere and pins the bouquet to the wall. The women turn and its the lady from the photo shoot with the apple.
humor, flashback