Dick Figures: The Movie
A meteor speeds towards Earth while characters of the series are dropped off a bus for elementary school. After Blue accidentally walks onto the 5th graders' playground, Broseph, the leader of the 5th Graders, has them beat up Blue. They are interrupted by the arrival of the meteor which crashes into Broseph, killing him. In the crater, Red emerges and beats off all the fifth graders. A grateful Blue promises to be Red's best friend no matter what happens. The movie goes through a montage of Red and Blue's time through school until the two graduate from university; Blue tries to be a conscientious student while Red lives a largely hedonistic, irresponsible lifestyle.
In the present day, Red and Blue are living together as roommates in their apartment, Blue is in a relationship with Pink. Red still has his crude behavior. When Pink's birthday is approaching, Blue lies to Pink about getting her the best birthday gift ever, but he hasn't gotten her anything. Red suggests that they go see the Raccoon (Papa-san) at his pawn shop for a gift to get Pink.
Meeting with the Raccoon, he tells them a story of when he lived in ancient Japan. His village fell under attack by Lord Takagami and his demon army. Raccoon, armed with The Sword of Destiny, singlehandedly fights the army, but falls into rage when he sees his wife get swallowed by Ocho Muerte, a large octopus. In his anger, he slaughtered the army and as he was about to deliver the death blow, Lord Takagami cursed him and split the Sword into three pieces. After the battle, Papa-san realized that he destroyed all of Japan while in a rage; for this he was banished by his kinsmen, never to return. If Blue finds the Sword and returns it to him, he will give Blue the perfect gift for Pink. Blue reluctantly accepts the quest after being called a 'pussy' by Red and the Raccoon.
Hitching a ride on a booze cruise, Red and Blue arrive in Japan, meeting with the Raccoon's son, Son-san. After Blue lies to him that they are not getting the Sword for Papa-san, they are directed towards a mountain, only to discover the hilt of the Sword and a large map with the locations of the other pieces (the blade and a jewel). Their retrieval of the hilt awakens Takagami and his ninjas, who give chase. The duo escapes out to sea on a rowboat, and they eventually end up in the middle of nowhere during an approaching storm. Red questions Blue's reason for doing the quest for Pink who explains to Red that he loves Pink. Red reveals that the reason for beating up the 5th graders back when they first met was to impress Pink and the girls, inadvertently admitting that he's never thought of Blue as his friend. Betrayed by this revelation, Blue fights with him, angrily stating that their friendship is over. Lightning strikes their boat and a large wave sweeps them away. Meanwhile, Pink becomes increasingly worried about Blue's disappearance after calling him several times (his phone having been lost in the ocean).
Blue wakes up to discover that he and Red have washed ashore on a paradise island, which Red sets fire to while trying to tan. They are rescued in a plane by alcoholic British pilot Captain Crookygrin, who was an old friend of their landlord Mr. Dingleberry back in World War II, and has been sent to stop them from finding the Sword of Destiny. Luckily, Crookygrin has alcohol blindness, and cannot recognize them from pictures. They fly to Paris, France, but are suddenly attacked by Takagami's ninjas in jetpacks. Blue fends them off with the plane's machine gun, however they crash, with Crookygrin being mortally injured. They are told to find the blade of the Sword at 'Le Tour Eiffel' (the Eiffel Tower), and head into a restaurant where they find their friend Lord Tourettes playing accordion to the diners. Outside, Mr. Dingleberry directs the French police to follow them, and it is revealed that he is taking orders from Takagami, who promised a reward for his help; he kills Dingleberry. The French police discover the three friends inside the restaurant and chase them to the Eiffel Tower, where Blue unites the hilt with the blade while Lord Tourettes distracts the police with a lullaby. Red and Blue return to their hometown in America to find the jewel that goes with the blade, according to a letter given to them by Crookygrin.
Pink's birthday party has started, and Red abandons Blue to go partying, much to Blue's frustration. Blue decides to finish the quest alone, only to be captured by Takagami and taken to a nearby mountain/volcano where the jewel rests. Takagami reunites the jewel with the Sword, and has Blue thrown into the lava. Red and Raccoon arrive in the knick of time to save Blue and seize the Sword; a battle ensues with Red and Blue fighting the ninjas while the Raccoon fights Takagami with the Sword of Destiny. Cutting off his mask, Raccoon discovers that Takagami is really his father, Father-san. When asked by his son why he became evil and started killing people, Father-san replies that it was to avenge every person that ever died. The Raccoon points out the obvious that just by killing more people, there are more people to avenge, to which Father-san says he could continue killing for eternity as a result. Raccoon beheads him, and his remains fall into the lava, but his head emerges, morphing into Ocho Muerte, who heads off to attack their town.
Blue, Red, and Raccoon arrive at Pink's party before Ocho Muerte can hurt Pink. Ocho Muerte devours the Raccoon and is about to eat Pink too, but not before Blue rescues her with the Sword. Blue hangs over a ledge with Red holding him and the Sword, and after some deliberation Red pulls Blue up to safety. The Sword falls into Ocho Muerte's mouth, which kills him in an explosion of light.
As the dust settles, Red apologizes to Blue for being a bad friend, as he has never had a real friend before, and promises to change (if only a little). They find Raccoon alive, as well as his wife Mama-san. He reveals that he sent Blue and Red on the quest ultimately to rescue his wife, but as a result of the experience Red and Blue have reaffirmed their friendship. In return for Blue's bravery, Mama-san gives Blue and Pink the lotus flower that Papa-san once gave to her, blessing their love for each other. Now closer friends than ever, Red and Blue celebrate their adventure with a high-five, closing the movie.
allegory, flashback