Date Movie
Julia Jones (Alyson Hannigan) is an obese woman who dreams of marrying Napoleon Dynamite (Josh Meyers), but even in her dreams she is rejected. Writing in her diary, she thinks she will never find her true love. Julia goes outside and dances to impress men on the streets, but is unsuccessful. Julia goes to work at her father Frank's (Eddie Griffin) Greek diner. There she meets Grant Fockyerdoder, with whom she forms an instant attraction. When Frank yells at Julia to get an order, she turns to respond and hits Grant over the head with the coffee pot she is holding, knocking him to the floor. She turns around only to find his table is suddenly empty and figures he ran away. Julia wants help and goes to see a love therapist, Hitch, who rejects her at first but reluctantly agrees to help her. Hitch takes her to a garage where she gets "pimped out" and made slimmer.
She earns a spot on a reality television dating show called The Extreme Bachelor, the bachelor turning out to be Grant, the man she met in the diner. Host Ty Andrews (Scott Speedman) introduces Grant, who greets all the women and is asked to eliminate the losers, which he does by shooting them one by one. Julia is the last woman standing and is rewarded with dinner for two at a restaurant called "A Restaurant". After their meal, Julia and Grant head back to her apartment, where they have sex. Julia takes Grant to meet her parents.
Later, Grant takes Julia to Tiffany & Co., where they turn on the lights to reveal the salespeople ready to let her pick whatever she wants. Grant then confesses he loves her and proposes to her. Julia happily says yes. Julia and Grant go to a wedding planner named Jell-O (Valery Ortiz), who has a big butt. She suggests that they go to a restaurant called Taco Butt (in alternate versions of the movie, she uses her butt as a pencil sharpener and recommends that they use a garbage barge as their wedding location). When they decline, she gets annoyed. When Grant says he has a best man, she shows them what she booked for the entertainment, after which she uses her butt to knock over her desk then rips off her clothes to reveal a gold liquid spandex tight suit. She shows off her dance moves, then twerks and bounce and backs up to the couple with her massive rear for them to scream while she bounces and crushing and suffocate them for them to scream more for the screen to cut to the next scene. The alternate scene is she has backup dancers and she bounces and shows off her dance moves until she shakes her massive booty right to them for them to scream and knocks them over with her right and left buttcheek to end it. Andy helps Julia shop for her wedding dress. At the dress store, Julia hits her head on a power box and finds that she can read people's thoughts. Julia finds from reading Andy's mind that she wants to get back together with Grant and plans to split the two of them up. Julia and Andy fight each other, Kill Bill-style. In one alternate version of the film adaptation, they walk off the screen—presumably to the left—in order to engage in "foot fellatio" to quote Danny (Jack Cortes) verbatim.
She cannot forgive Grant, and agrees to marry Nicky. Once at the altar with Nicky, Julia is regretting it and has flashbacks about her and Grant. They get back together and get married, with Hitch officiating. Andy and Nicky meet at the wedding, and fall in love. Meanwhile, Grant and Julia leave in a horse and carriage. Julia also gets a present from her mother-in-law: a vaginal thermometer which apparently has been in their family for generations and is regarded as good luck when it is not washed.
On their honeymoon, Grant and Julia go to Kong Island and film a woman, Anne (Carmen Electra), tied to two pieces of wood. King Kong comes on and rips off her dress, leaving her clad in a leopard print bikini. King Kong then gropes her, she says "I like hairy guys" and King Kong roars and flattens her.
bleak, romantic, comedy, stupid, flashback