Bitten
Martes (Tuesday): Graveyard shift paramedic Jack (Jason Mewes) attempts to subdue a crazed man by talking him down, but his partner Roger (Richard Fitzpatrick), who has no love for junkies or other low-lives, advises Jack to just zap him with a sedative and have done with it. Jack rationalizes his lapse in protocol on the fact that he's still pining for his ex-girlfriend Sherry, who just ditched him for her yoga instructor. Roger advises Jack to forget Sherry and get some "new ass."Miércoles (Wednesday): On his way home from work, Jack notices a girl lying in the dumpster behind his apartment house. She is covered with blood and seemingly amnesic because she doesn't remember how she got there. She refuses to go to a hospital, so Jack takes her inside and cleans her up. He notices bite marks on her neck, but she can't remember how she got them or what kind of animal might have made them. She only remembers that her name is Danika (Erica Cox). Jack checks to see whether there have been any reports of a missing person who fit her description but comes up dry. Roger is sure that this "mystery skank" is probably cleaning out Jack's apartment as they speak.Viernes (Friday): Danika starts shaking uncontrollably but doesn't know what's wrong. Jack asks Roger to take a look, and Roger concludes that Danika is a junkie. He suggests that Jack take her in for detox, but Jack doesn't believe that Dani's problem is drug-related. Jack's ex, Sherry (Jordan Madley), shows up wanting to collect her clothes and other stuff, but Jack refuses to let her in on the grounds that he's leaving for work. After he's gone, Sherry lets herself in, using her old key, and comes face to face with Danika.Sabado (Saturday): Jack returns from work to find Sherry dead. Dani claims that she can't remember what happened. They begin to make love on the floor, but Jack gets angry when Dani attempts to bite him. "What's wrong with me?" Dani moans. Jack notices that she has sprouted fangs and realizes that, during the five days Dani has been living with him, he has never seen her in the sunlight. He pulls her over to a window and opens the curtain a teeny bit. Dani screams, and her arm begins to blister. Pretty sure that he has a vampire on his hands, Jack tidies up the mess and puts Sherry's dried up body in a large crate.The next day, when Dani begins to shake again, signaling her need for blood, Jack hunts down a stray cat. It only serves to make Dani sick, so Jack sneaks into the paramedic station and takes a pint of blood from the fridge. When that makes Dani barf, too, Jack realizes that she must have fresh human blood, so he offers his arm. Dani promises to take only a little bit, but Jack has a hard time stopping her once she gets going, and still she begs for more. With no other choices left to him, Jack lures Pusher (Nick Nicotera), the local drug-pushing pimp, into his apartment and lets Dani feed on him. After Jack has again tidied up the mess, they try to stuff Pusher's body into the crate with Sherry, but Sherry suddenly springs to life and attacks Jack. Dani manages to grab a mop and stake her through her chest with the handle. Sherry keeps coming back to life but, after several attempts, Jack finally gets the heart.When Jack returns to work, Roger sends him home to get some sleep. "You look like the walking dead," Roger tells him and advises him to get rid of Danika because she's "draining" him, just like a black hole sucking in all the energy until there's nothing left. Jack denies that it's that way with Dani, but he does take Roger's offer and goes home.Martes: When Jack returns, he finds Dani staring at Sherry's body. She asks him how long they went out together and wonders why things click with some people and not with others. In a tender moment, they begin to kiss, until Dani pushes Jack away. Her fangs are beginning to grow, and she's afraid that she might do harm to him. Knowing that she needs blood again, Jack lures Twitch (Stuart Stone), Pusher's friend and business partner, into his apartment by telling him that Pusher is hurt and calling for him. Dani sates herself on Twitch's blood, leaving Jack to once again tidy up the mess.Miércoles: Jack is surprised when Dani comes to him all dressed up and wanting to go out partying. Jack refuses because he's afraid that she might end up feeding on someone in public. He falls asleep on the couch and has a dream in which Dani locks him in a box and then plunges a stake through his chest. He is awakened when the telephone rings. It is Roger telling him to get his butt to work, but Jack tells him that he is sick. As he hangs up the phone, Dani walks in with a woman in tow. Dani's intent is to make love to Jack and then feast on Maya (Amy Lynn Grover). After a night of love-making, Jack falls asleep. When he awakens, he finds Maya lying dead next to him and her blood all over the sheets. Jack is livid and swears that he's somehow going to put an end to this because he doesn't want to deal with any more bodies. As they're tidying up the mess and about to put Maya's body in the crate, the landlady suddenly knocks on the door. Mrs Lee (Grace Armas) has come to fix the sink and collect her rent money. When she sees Dani, she assumes that Dani is a hooker, but when she sees the blood on the floor, she gets scared and starts to back away, threatening to call the cops. Suddenly Dani is standing between her and the door, and Dani leaps for Mrs Lee's neck.Viernes: When Jack goes to work on Friday, he is confronted by Roger over the missing unit of blood. Roger is still of the notion that Danika is a junkie and is worried that she's got Jack using, too. He warns Jack that he's throwing his life away by staying with Dani, but Jack won't listen. At quitting time, Roger sends Jack on an errand. While Jack is away, Roger goes over to Jack's apartment to confront Dani. He searches through the garbage until he finds the empty bag of blood and assumes that Jack gave it to Dani as a transfusion. When he starts grilling Dani over her background, Dani gets angry. She's just about to pounce on him when Jack walks in the door. Jack forces Roger to leave. He then locks Dani in the bathroom and goes out for a walk, ending up at Roger's house. Jack asks for Roger's advice on how to break up with Dani. Roger suggests that Jack simply tell her straight out to "get the f*** out," but Jack can't see himself being that crass. It isn't until Roger comments that the way to a woman's heart is "right through her effin' chest" that Jack realizes what he must do.Jack returns to his apartment where Dani is still locked in the bathroom. He promises to let her out but says that she must listen to him first. He tells her that he can no longer be involved in this situation, that he has totally lost himself in the relationship, and that he needs some space to find himself again. Dani, realizing that Jack is trying to break up, pleads with him not to leave her. Jack doesn't relent, so she starts to get angry. When Jack, stake in hand, goes to unlock the bathroom door, Dani simply breaks it down from the inside. "Are you going to try to kill me, now?" she shouts and bats him across the floor, just as Roger enters the apartment. Jack explains to Roger that Dani is a vampire and that they have to stop her, but Roger doesn't buy it. When he tries to reason with Dani, however, and she bats him across the floor, too, Roger agrees with Jack. Together, they rush Dani, but she grabs Jack and sinks her fangs into his neck. As she is sucking his blood, Roger comes up from behind and plunges the stake through her back...five times in all. In the final scene, Roger cradles Jack's head in his lap and promises that he will take care of him no matter what happens.
comedy