Stan Helsing
Stan Helsing (Steve Howey) is an underachieving employee at a video rental store named Schlockbuster whose personal mottos are "Don't get involved" and "Don't talk about it". His teen-aged boss Sully orders him to drop off a bag of movies to the mother of the store's owner or risk not having a job Monday morning. Despite his arguments, he agrees to the request and manages to get his friend Teddy (Kenan Thompson), his ex-girlfriend Nadine (Diora Baird) and ditsy blond massage therapist Mia (Desi Lydic) to take him there before they attend a Halloween party, even though it's on the other side of town.
En route, the group encounters a traffic jam and, to Stan's surprise, he spots Chucky, the living doll (Jeff Gulka), who makes obscene gestures that no one else notices in the van of a MILF next to them. Because of this disturbance, they miss their exit and decide to take a shortcut on which they hit a dog named Sammy Boy and inadvertently asked the dog's owner for help who then threatens to kill them for murdering his beloved dog. After fleeing the scene, Teddy picks up a hitchhiker, but after learning he was convicted of murdering nurses they violently throw him from the moving vehicle. They come across a gas station where the perverted owners tell Stan that he may be related to the legendary Abraham Van Helsing, the monster hunter. They depart and after finding Stormy Night Estates, they discover the attendants never put gas into the car. They come across a local bar and meet the ire of the townsfolk in a bad attempt of Karaoke while singing Johnny Cash's song Ring of Fire.
After they leave, they discover that all the citizens, including their waitress, Kay (Leslie Nielsen), were actually dead due to a massive fire that consumed the town ten years earlier. They encounter several monsters including Pinhead, Jason Voorhees, Chucky, Freddy Krueger, Leatherface, and a Jewish Michael Myers. They are given weapons by an extroverted altar boy who is so very close to becoming a priest who informs Stan of his destiny and that he is Van Helsing's descendant, arming them with various weapons before kicking them out of his church. The townsfolk offer a competition in which Stan and his friends compete against the monsters in Karaoke. The humans are unanimously voted as the winners, but the monsters refuse to leave town. Disobeying his policy of never getting involved, Stan turns each of the monsters' weaknesses against them, soundly defeating them and feeding them to Sammy who had been brought back to vicious life (a'la Pet Sematary). The group calls a cab and they leave the town as heroes. During the trip home, Nadine discovers how much she cares for Stan and kisses him. Teddy suggest kissing Mia, but she rebuffs with a lap dance offer instead which he gladly accepts. The movie ends with the taxi cab driving away and the sound of moaning.
good versus evil, absurd, cult