Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter
Vampires are killing lesbians in the city of Ottawa. Maxine Schreck [Murielle Varhelyi]
and Johnny Golgotha [Ian Driscroll], two important members of Father Eustace's parish are
missing, and Eustace [Tim Devries] can no longer sit by and watch, so he calls on the
help of the greatest vampire hunter of all--Jesus Christ [Phil Caracas]. After a shave,
haircut, and some new clothes, Jesus sets out to kick vampire ass, aided
by Mary Magnum [Maria Moulton] in her red jumpsuit.Maxine and Johnny, now vampires, are running a vampire ring. They
prefer to feed on lesbians (because nobody will miss them), and Dr
Pretorius [Josh Grace] grafts lesbian skin to the bodies of vampires, allowing them to
walk during the day. When Mary falls prey to the vampires, God sends the
masked wrestler, Santo Enmascarado de Plata [Jeff Moffet], to help Jesus. Together, they
kick and stake several dozen vampires and get kicked and staked a bit
themselves. When Mary, John, and Maxine attempt to quarter Jesus, Santo
bites the ropes that bind him. Fr Eustace, also a vampire now, stakes
Jesus through the heart. But this serves only to let his heartlight shine
on the vampires, reducing them all to dust. Fortunately, Jesus is able to heal Mary Magnum, who requests that he also heal Maxine so that they can be together. [Original Synopsis by bj_kuehl]
absurd, comedy, violence