> Lately, though, smart developers have been trying to avoid all the head butting by reaching out to residents ...

Not sure what planet Mr. Gee lives on. These meetings are pretty much part-and-parcel of the development process. However I suspect these 'Pollyanna' style outcomes are probably more the exception than the rule. 

A site near us is being redeveloped from a plaza to a condo. There have been two developers so far. In both cases, the developers had their friendly meetings with the community and then told us what they they were going to build. In both cases, their final was, "If you don't like it we're going to the OMB".

The second developer now has his approvals. But he has been taken to court over potential damage an underground stream may cause to nearby buildings  when he put in a 3 level parking garage in. (A previous development which was further away cause $1M in damages.) 

But, remarkably, the OMB didn't think this was a problem. 

That's reality, Mr. Gee. LOL.