"Polysyllabic obfuscation" ?

Now that's what I call irony. 

Perhaps try eating cooked meat. It's what initially developed the brain of the cave man, after they discovered fire. I'm not sure it will grow the half a brain you admit you are missing but it should develop the half you already have. All of us here at NCR will be here for you, to help in any way we can. We'll try in future to be more sensitive to the cerebrally challenged - oops, there we go again - I mean, to the stoopid.

Should anyone hand you a box covered with colourful paper in the next 24 hours, try not to panic. It's actually a nice thing. Go to YouTube and search for 'Christmas gifts - a tutorial.' You'll find there complete instructions on how to open it. Next year you might even be able to move on to more complex matters like - how to cook a turkey or making jello.

Now do have a M-E-R-R-Y C-H-R-I-S-T-M-A-S and thanks for sharing.
Hooded Claw
Agony Aunt
NCR.