To be clear, my stepfather was a good man.  He never threatened or beat me, worked hard, loved fishing and was a genius in gardening and built numerous projects around are home that enhanced my childhood.  He was quiet and honorable in most ways.

It is not fair to any of us to be stereotyped or judged by one facet of our life.   If I had grown up with the same influences as my step father, I might very well have used his same language and carried the same prejudices.   I know my life is full of mistakes and missteps, including things that I have said/done that hurt those I love and probably caused pain to others that I was never conscious of.

We are not perfect critters.  And if a person has any level of self awareness, they are more careful about insulting the character of others.  Those that throw the most stones may well be far more insecure in the inner life than those who find forgiveness for others, and for themselves.