I am sorry about your illness but suicide is never the answer.   I have had times of great pain.   Most recently I had a brain hemorrhage.  And before you do anything about denouncing my level of pain, we could probably go through all sorts of gyrations about 'my pain is worse than yours' that would get us nowhere.  I  am not even suggesting that my pain was as bad or worse than yours.  Just putting out as a period of time that was extremely painful for me.  Like I said, I do not want to suggest I am diminishing your suffering.  But again, suicide is never a good idea.