I know just what you mean by saying you are having trouble articulating your stance. I am in the same situation. I stopped watching out of a sense of revulsion first. Found a good article called "Its Not About the Flag" by Dr. Michael Hurd and that helped clarify things.

What's more, I keep asking myself what the Seahawks would have to do to win me back. I have no answer to that. They may have lost a fan since childhood. 

Not military but I was a firefighter for six years. Thanks for your service. I think you're in the right here.