Just doesn't feel like justice. Let's try this instead:

Go to Cabela's and get a deadfowl retriever trainer the size of a coot. Fling that sucker 40 or so yards into the water and require Ms. Haynsworth to strip down to her skivvies so she can swim out to fetch it. Videotape the event for YouTube consumption and require her to post it on her Fern Ridge bed-and-breakfast website until October.

Call it "The Return of the Swamp Thing II," since she worked on the original in 1988 as an art assistant back in her Georgia days.

Yeah, that feels better.