ANNOUNCEMENT: Moviegoer and Rowling Announce Divorce

After several trial separations, Ms Rowling and I have decided to finally and permanently go our separate ways. Whilst we felt a deep and profound love for each other following the first Harry Potter movie, our relationship has experienced an extensive and frustrating series of on-again-off-again periods. This latest work of childish pablum only served to amplify the deep divisions we have regarding plot and plausibility - I want both she wants neither. Ms. Rowling has descended ever deeper into a world of crazed, inane, wince-worthy fantasy, whilst I have grown and moved on. We ask for your understanding and your acceptance of this difficult decision.

There will be no division of assets. Ms. Rowling will retain her billions, whilst I will keep all monies that might have paid for any future theatre tickets to Rowling projects.