That quote form a Gilbert and Sullivan lyric defines this movie's appearance. Remember that particular pleasure of reading Arthur Conan Doyle's intelligent and vastly entertaining stories about a man and his sidekick whose braininess unraveled impossible mysteries that no one else could solve? That man was Sherlock Holmes and his sidekick was Dr. Watson, and neither of the ghosts of those two fascinating and intelligent gentlemen can be found in this lengthy, boring mess of a film that seems to be concerned only with action movie clones so popular today and setting in a period that allows beautiful costumes to hide the lack of story. Michele Mulroney and Kieran Mulroney are responsible for hiding behind famous literary characters to create a script that is likely less than 5 pages long. Guy Ritchie is the star of this noisy piece.

Sherlock Holmes (Robert Downey, Jr.) and his longtime trusted associate, Doctor Watson (Jude Law), take on their arch-nemesis, Professor Moriarty (Jared Harris), with the help of Holmes's older brother Mycroft Holmes (Stephen Fry) and a gypsy named Simza (Noomi Rapace). Now make a movie-long story out of that and you have the second installment (and hopefully the last) of Sherlock Holmes a la Guy Ritchie. The endless fighting on the screen is also populated by some fine actors such as Rachel McAdams, Eddie Marsan, and Kelly Reilly. If the viewer is entertained by the countless costume changes by Robert Downey, Jr. and by some fairly silly swashbuckling by all concerned then perhaps the two hours will pass quickly. But in the end there is simply no story or resemblance to the creations of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle to warrant plagiarism of his books. Pass.

Grady Harp