"Fake it till you make it", this has become a definitive principle for everyone who wants to become big these days. And it looks like seldom do people have moral torments caused by faking. As for making, it doesn't come easy even to those who are more than willing to sell their integrity. The story of Theranos was a recent example of that.

Glass Onion falls short of that infamous achievement, but boy does it fake! The first film was a much smaller, but much more authentic story. It didn't have to pretend in order to be captivating, and maybe it didn't claim to stir the events on a global scale but at least all of its murders weren't staged.

This film, however, is just one big cloud of PR confetti. From the moment it starts, it just keeps cramming more and more wannabe relevant stuff. Covid memorabilia that all of a sudden becomes a parade of nostalgia now that the pandemic is over. All that crypto mumbo jumbo that incidentally lost its charm following the market crash. Everything that this film wanted to sell us as relevant, has gone in a puff of smoke before the show even started. Failed investment anyone?

But the main fraud is the story. Glass Onion may be shiny on the surface, trying to shock and captivate us with that intricacy of layers. But, as Benoit Blanc poignantly notes himself, at its core lies emptiness, so bland that calling it Glass Cabbage would do it more justice.

When you watch so much huffing and puffing produce so little outcome, you're tempted to think that maybe "it's not them, it's me". Maybe you're not seeing something that really served as a punchline. And it's honestly tempting to think that maybe this whole production is a postmodernist satire in disguise, showing us the vanity of this "ends justify means" success hunting and pretence. It's actually appealing to think that all the big bets that turned into glaring losses, all that servility towards covid, crypto and even someone whose avatar in this movie has an actual facial resemblance to an elongated muskrat, it was all meant to flop in consonance with a truly visionary prediction of the future made when the outcomes were far from obvious. But sometimes our mistake is assuming a brilliant master plan where there's in fact plain stupidity. And that's exactly what I think Glass Onion is. A stupid little story puffing its cheeks to look impressive, because faking never looked so promising.

Unfortunately, this film shares another trait with its not so bright key character: it's not even hateable. Just like Miles Bron, Glass Onion is simply mildly pathetic, to a point of lukewarm charm. We get to see a few entertaining moments and one or two sharp dialogues, and Daniel Craig gets to live his post-Bond life wearing funny bathing suits, looking at sport cars with zero lust in his gaze and speaking with the most non-British accent imaginable. Well, at least someone was enjoying himself!

As for us the viewers, we could either have our own moment of nostalgia thinking about how actually witty and quirky Knives Out was, or simply enjoy the finale of moving fast and breaking things, an idea popularised by another backstabbing tech dude. Disruptors, assemble!