And yes, I did watch the whole thing. Maybe I thought it was a good idea in hindsight to view this, to see how the contemporary people make musicals.

The answer: Borrow. Borrow cinematography from Vicente Minnelli (for people unaware of the name, he did Meet Me In St. Louis and An American In Paris), Mark Sandrich (he directed Top Hat, with Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers), W. F. Munrau (he did Sunrise: A Song Of Two Humans), and so on. Borrow references from Ingrid Bergman films, especially Casablanca. Put posters of *slightly* more obscure Golden Age films on the walls (A Farewell To Arms but not the Rock Hudson one, Smilin' Through but not the Norma Shearer one, and so on). Borrow scenes from famous golden age films (Sunrise, Singin' In The Rain, Funny Face and so on), and have romantic dance numbers by moonlight à la Fred and Ginger.

Yet have the songs sound the same as all the songs from every other musical released in the past twenty years. Cast two leads who cannot dance to save their lives (Fred and Ginger they ain't- they aren't even Fred Astaire and the non-dancing Joan Fontaine in A Damsel In Distress), sing off-key (but not enough that your average moviegoer will notice- but it's really, really, off-key), and aren't great, or even good, at acting. Ryan Gosling makes the same smug face for two hours.

I get it's supposed to be an ODE to golden age cinema. But, to be honest, it made me uncomfortable watching this and knowing that nearly every scene I had seen in a film before, and done better on top of that. Did the director not have a single original idea in his head? Had the film been exceptionally well acted, sung, or danced, maybe I would have changed my view. We have musicals that are odes to golden age cinema. One is called Singin' In The Rain, which this film borrows heavily from.

There are subtle references to golden age film, and then there's the "Here's a romance movie set on a boat! Critics are calling it the Oscar winner of the year!" "It would be romantic, except you borrowed all the love scenes on boats from Letty Lynton, Love Affair and Now, Voyager." "What? You don't know those films! No one knows those films but me! And I borrowed from them in ode!" "...If you're going to borrow from Now, Voyager- why take put the cigarette scene? Isn't that the most famous part of the film?" "NO. SMOKING IS BAD. LET'S PUT IN ANOTHER CASABLANCA REFERENCE. WE'LL ALWAYS HAVE PARIS." sort of films.

In short, I tried to like it, but it just fell flat. In the first ten minutes.

Also, I'm the same person who thinks Singin' In The Rain is overrated. I would gladly watch that film for hours, because I still enjoyed it a lot.

Watch this film. Go ahead. Enjoy it. Then watch Top Hat (even just the dance numbers) and get back to me. Torch Song is a better musical than this film- and I wouldn't recommend Torch Song if someone pointing a gun at my head forced me to.

Why do so many people like this film? Did we watch the same movie? It sucked! The whole thing was so clichéd it wasn't even funny. It wasn't even original, either.