Michael Bay's 6 Underground has every single crash, bang and wallop any desensitised moviegoer could possibly ask for. Everything about this film is a vicious assault on the senses akin to the D-Day invasion of Normandy. I swear that every noise of the universe is in this 'movie'.

An expensive advert for Alfa Romeo, 6 Underground is barely a movie; despite a strong opening sequence, the film is completely riddled with all the typical trademarks of a classically trashy Michael Bay picture, complete with gratuitous violence, loud explosions, choppy editing, disastrous dialogue and a threadbare story.

Before you say anything, I know exactly what I expect of Bay and his brainless movies. His projects are not hard to enjoy if you leave your brain at the door before watching. However, there was something so off about this, something so deeply vulgar and crass, that I just couldn't enjoy it even when I did switch off.

I can only just about bring myself to give 6 Underground a maximum of two stars for the flashy cars and the normally dependable Ryan Reynolds and Melanie Laurent. But it's still a deeply unpleasant experience with all the subtlety of a magnitude 9 earthquake; for that reason and the other reasons above, this film should be buried deep underground for all eternity.