These five stars go only to the actors themselves, who were phenomenal, and also genuinely touching as singers.

This film left me feeling like most Hollywood films do - like eating several packages of skittles in one sitting. After suffering through the unbelievably nauseating script, which turns what could be a very beautiful and romantic story into probably the most boring, uninspired relationship I've ever seen, I still couldn't get one thing out of my head:

What does any of this music have to do with jazz or musicals? Everything I heard was thinly veiled pop music chords with trumpets or saxophones to disguise them. There was no joy in any of the melodies, nothing touching whatsoever about Emma Stones' solo, just purely banal, lifeless chord progressions.

This film is not art, the same way skittles are not food. But at least skittles don't market themselves as a word-class meal, which is honest, unlike this widely acclaimed "masterpiece" that betrays the aspirations of art entirely.