Well, at least the Cloverfield monster didn't show up.

Never thought (hoped?) I'd SEE a M. Night Shyamalan remake, but here goes. Bird Box is definitely his Happening Ver. 2 and though somewhat better than the unintentionally hilarious Shyamalan "thriller," it's still a terrible idea and now contains even worse characters.

This is like one of those terrible SyFy knockoffs to feed off the Quiet Place bucks. This film's twist? Instead of having to be quiet, our antiheroes have to lose SIGHT. Well, of vision, continuity, logic, reason, brains and physics. Just to name a few.

Suddenly Death shows up and anyone caught looking at it wants to commit suicide. Survivors do their survival thing, such as hold up in once location, fight, have montages and come up explanations on why Death's at their doorstep.

The movie writes itself into a corner so it comes up with human slaves of Death who lure people to LOOOOOOK and this causes the survivors to LOOOOOOK elsewhere for shelter.

Honestly, the movie's not the worst I've SEEN, but it's way too long, too bleak, includes subpar and lazy special effects, was badly written, has huge plot holes, was hardly original and worst of all: Sandra Bullock, the anchor of the film.

My guess: Bullock has been on a kick late into her career to shed any decency she had left by playing bland, boring or downright disgustingly bad characters. She was possibly the worst part of Ocean's Eight and here, I hated her from minute one. And she never regained any sparkle in my EYE.

Yes, I understood her character and motivations. I pieced together her past and reasons why she acts the way she does, but damn, she is despicable and the whole movie falls on her shoulders. Even her enormously predictable character arc wouldn't save her. The movie's barely worth WATCHING, and she nearly brought the whole mess down. How anyone would want to be ten feet close to her before this Happening is baffling and following, it's even more torturous since there are so few humans to be around.

I hope they didn't set this up to be a franchise or TV series as it seems like they did. These original two hours are ones I never want to SEE again.

***

Final thoughts: Shocked they didn't get Kristen Stewart to play the lead. She's always playing dour and depressing characters that people always seem to mysteriously flock to in movies even though in real life, no one would ever want to give them the time of day. I know I wouldn't. To either person.