It took me quite some time to decipher this movie. I felt like I was missing something, that there was more to it than first apparent. The acting, the dialogue, the sets, the costume: technically it is polished and purposeful; yet I was utterly unable to engage with it. And finally it hit me: that is because it is actually a commercial.

Moreover it is nothing else than a commercial. It doesn't deliver anything more than promote a product. Take the product away and there is nothing. Take away Barbie the brand, and the film is devoid of any substance. It's empty. Unlike the Lego movie for instance, similarly an unapologetic ad for children's toys, that managed to be a decent adventure film that celebrated the creativity that toys enable.

Barbie functions as a film but only on the most superficial ways.

It has a story, characters and lines of dialogue. And while some of the dialogue is clever and funny, and some of the characterization opens the door to some interesting character study, overall it is weighted down by the absolute obtuseness of the plot. The worst flaw is that it doesnt give anything of substance to do to Barbie, the protagonist. Almost every other character is moving the plot forward by either taking action or moving the story forward by emotional growth. Barbie herself is just a side character that goes from A to B and back to A. Physically, as well as emotionally. Ken has a far more interesting journey and arc. Gloria has a more important role in the story. Arguably even Sasha and Allen work better as characters with whom you relate and empathise.

The worst thing is that the movie is not even a commercial for the dolls. Rather it is a commercial for the idea of the doll. I don't know if we can get more post-modern than that. Barbie is not an actual doll in the movie, but she is literally the thing you think of when you describe someone as a "Barbie" Yet the film is very much so a commercial for Mattel's Barbie and the intellectual property it represents. I think it is crass and pedestrian. The movie is purely a corporate maneuver to pivot from one business to another, from manufacturing toys to manufacturing content.

That is why this film throws so much at the wall to see what sticks; that is why when Barbie leaves fake plastic Barbie-land, she escapes to fake plastic Los Angeles and nobody picks up on the irony. That's why they have garbage collector Barbies in a world where there is no garbage. That's why they have women Barbie doctors that aren't actual doctors and when later Ken meets a real doctor in the real world, you're waiting for a call-back that never happens.

This movie is the absolute opposite of art. To call it a film is an insult to everything we hold sacred.