I went in to this thinking I would absolutely love it, and that it would save me from a bad film-going streak I seemed to be on. No such luck.

Who thought this gibbering, nonsensical pile of rubbish was a good idea? Its greatest sin, though, apart from its self-satisfied incoherence and gleeful, endlessly stupid cartoon violence, is that it takes its hyperactive, sugar-rushed, calorie-free content and sticks a sickly sweet, syrupy blob at its heart, pretending it has substance and that it's one of your five a day.

This was the equivalent of a migraine: The first half gave me a headache, the second made me want to vomit. I never walk out of a cinema, but during this film's seemingly interminable length I came so, so close so, so many times.