There are many benefits to being bi- (well actually tri-) lingual (*toot toot*), clearly one being the fact that I can torture myself in three different languages and in case you're looking for new effective non- (physically) scarring methods of self harm then this easily replaces your cutting blade. Believe me when I say that I write this review with a metaphorical barbed wire coated weight on my heart (or maybe I'm having a coronary?) because unlike most SRK fans I'm a truly "out of the closet" shameless SRK fan, so watching this Parkinsonian dribble felt more painful than having your nipples twisted by a hungry, death rolling crocodile. From Karan's typical brand love story and the political propaganda message to the whimsical inaccurate use of medical and physical terminology, I felt like a college girl whose innocence was stealthily being robbed by five teenage boys after she's had one too many alcopops.

Let's get to the meat. Firstly, my favourite, the so-called Asperger's syndrome. SRK plays an exceedingly inaccurate; inadequately written character that masterfully tilts towards the "I'm a retard" act whenever Kajol or the US president is looking whilst being otherwise perfectly capable (blame Shibani Bathija for that one). SRK plays dim whilst being completely sociable at times, lacks classic repetitive and restrictive behavioural patterns whilst displaying savant-like qualities and is fully self-reliant, enough so to save a drowning village, report terrorists to the FBI, kill Godzilla single-handedly, find a cure for cancer and oh yes, meet the president.

Secondly, don't think the dastardly attempt at a Hollywood brand propaganda movie went unnoticed! I've always believed that propaganda movies were a Hollywood speciality, subliminally polished and buffed to perfection in order to turn their worldwide audience into stars and stripes loving drones ready to baptise their children in the name of George Bush, but it seems our beloved, potentially gay director Karu has also jumped on that soldier-blood stained bandwagon (I hate bandwagons). Don't get me wrong; the Islamic community is topping my minority ethnic groups of all time top ten, second only to chocolate coated gummy bears, but this was just scandalous to say the least. Why is Rizwan always called Khan (yes, he does have a first name, in case you didn't catch it during the movie)? Why an almighty Muslim guy with "Asperger's," it doesn't add anything to the storyline (neither do the Wilhelmina sections for that matter), an omnipotent Muslim version of SRK's character in Kal Ho Na Ho would have played just as dramatically? Oh... I just remembered this movie is co-produced by FOX entertainment; the propaganda angle suddenly makes more sense...

Positives. The post-911 Islamophobia was very powerfully and accurately depicted, the non-Indian actors could actually act and Kajol looks more beautiful than ever... her mesmerising smile and enchanting laughter coupled with those angelic eyes easily pinch the movie *AHEM* erm, sorry about that...

Overall, this movie is to be avoided, it makes every attempt possible to prove the unmistakable – that autistic people can fix anything. The only way I see this movie existing as anything other than an obtuse illegitimate FOX/Johar creation is if the entire film and PR crew were held at gun point by middle aged Asian and black autistic terrorists dressed in pink jumpers and flip flops compelling Shibani Bathija to succumb to their demands. And did I mention this movie is just too long?