Bad movies are inevitable. Some can be loved for camp quality, others endured or even forgiven due to accidental missteps. But this title cannot be forgiven as its sins are, apparently, intentional.

The over-the-top optics and emphasis of action over narrative or character led me to ask whether I was watching Sherlock Holmes or Spider Man. Whatever happened to good old storytelling? Is this what iPhone and Google have wrought?

In full disclosure: I'm a traditionalist. It's hard for me to imagine a more faithful version than Granada's Jeremy Brett. I can't believe the only way for "modern" audiences to know Conan Doyle's detective is a Victorian veneer and visual vomit. At least BBC's latest incarnation with Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman preserves author's intent but is placed in a contemporary setting. It doesn't mock the originals.

There are a few bright spots - thanks chiefly to Jude Law, Jared Harris, and Stephen Fry. The rest of the troupe could benefit from a Stanislavski house call.

If you want to watch a superhero film, this site will give you plenty of excellent titles to choose from (i.e. "The Dark Knight"). Otherwise, just watch the Brett series on DVD. Lastly, If anyone reading this is a doctor, kindly prescribe Mr. Ritchie a strong dose of Adderall before he strikes again.