Captain America: Civil War follows the Avengers after the events of Age of Ultron. The government wants to control the Avengers because people die whenever they save the world, so they want to be able to try to limit that. Steve Rogers doesn't want to be controlled, but Tony Stark thinks that they should, and so everyone picks a side they start fighting over it.

I'll start with what I liked about this movie. The fights were a big improvement over those in The Winter Soldier, which I found to be incredibly fake and boring. In one particular fight I liked what they did with Ant-Man's powers, and Iron Man's new suit looks pretty cool.

Now what didn't I like about this movie? Oh, where to start. The characters, I guess. They're terrible. It's not that they aren't well developed (although they aren't), but they're all just incredibly stupid. They weren't dumb in the previous movies most of the time, but it was as if between movies everyone except Steve Rogers developed some mental disability. In the first fifteen minutes a character contains a bomb, then un-contains it and throws it at a building, killing a few people inside. Then she cries about it and everyone tells her that it wasn't her fault and she shouldn't worry. What? That could have easily been avoided if she simply didn't do anything else. Apparently she was even too stupid to not do anything. This is only one example of this, however.

The whole movie is just fueled by idiots, and the plot only works because of said idiots. Whenever the Avengers save the world a few people might die instead of, you know, seven billion. Which would you prefer? Seriously, no one in this movie thinks anything over. No one ever points out that they'd rather have a couple people die over the entire human race, either. So are we just supposed to act like this idea doesn't exist? Or is every character actually retarded?

I was kind of excited for the new Spider-Man, everyone seems to like him a lot so far. Why, I don't know. Tom Holland plays easily the worst Spider-Man I've ever seen. Sure, his suit is pretty cool, but him as a character? Stupidly annoying. He won't shut his mouth. And it's not like he's saying anything funny or clever, he's just being a waste of space for the sake of being a waste of space. He doesn't capture the funny side of Peter Parker, and he doesn't capture the geeky side of him either. He references Star Wars, and maybe some people think that's geeky, but that's about it. Now I don't really care about the source material for movies, but everyone says that he does these things when he really doesn't. I just thought he was obnoxious. And his character didn't even need to exist. Without him the movie would have been the exact same, only Tony Stark's team would briefly have had five people while Steve Rogers had six. "We need to make it fair, so let's force in a character simply for the sake of getting people excited for another pointless solo movie!" quote Marvel. Yeah, great idea.

I liked Black Panther better. As in I liked his costume and the way he fought. His character was about as flat as everyone else. At least he had a believable and more interesting reason for being where he was. His introduction was a lot better than Spider-Man's, who was pretty forced.

By the time the parking lot fight scene ended I was done. But there was still forty-five minutes left, and they weren't fun or enjoyable at all. The forced conflict with the 'villain' wrapped up, and that was that. Now let's talk about the 'villain'. I put that in quotations because he doesn't do anything really. All the characters act like he's a big deal (and so does he), but he doesn't actually do anything. He gets unimportant characters who normally wouldn't have been involved involved in the fight, and that's it. You'd think his motivation would be deeper or bigger than it is in the end, but it isn't.

Finally, when I reached the after-credits scene I was pretty disappointed. Not because the scene was lame (although it was) but because it had to do with the actual plot instead of just being a tease at the next movie, which is what these scenes are supposed to be considering the fact that not everyone sits around for the after credits scenes or even knows they exist. You wouldn't put the climax of a movie in the after credits scene right? So why put plot in it?

Overall Captain America: Civil War is idiotic. The characters are so indescribably stupid, the plot itself is stupid and relies stupid characters, Spider-Man is annoying and pointless, Black Panther is okay, and the 'villain' is just an excuse to make it a longer movie like Batman v. Superman, the other superhero versus superhero movie that came out this year. Don't listen to this review if you don't want to. If you love Marvel you'll love the crap out of this movie because you people eat this garbage up. But if you're like me and able to see flaw in stuff you like then hopefully you at least see where I'm coming from with this. And in the end there is not a shred of any part of me that would recommend this movie. I would if it were shorter (because it's the new big thing and you should see it to form your own opinion), but two and half hours were stolen from me, hours that I could have used to watch something that would have sucked less, so don't watch this movie if you think these things that I have mentioned will bother you.