Rarely have I seen a movie where so much is going on, but nothing is happening. Besides the typically impenetrable CGI action, you are expected to follow five plot threads at once- often waiting fifteen minutes to return to them. Heaven help you if you've missed any of the previous Marvel installments going in.

You have a well-acted villain in Thanos whose motivation makes no sense. He is a galactic scale eco-terrorist who strives to cull half of the universe at random, owing to his fears of resource depletion from overpopulation. To believe the universe is in danger of overpopulation is asinine, not least because Thanos learns how to ALTER REALITY. Why slaughter so many people with a snap of your fingers, when you could make the universe more abundant instead?

There's little on offer by way of genuine drama (hindered by the nagging sense that death is not permanent in a comic series transplanted to the screen). It's packed to the gills with immersion-breaking humour (because a superhero movie can't take itself seriously without being called "grimdark", apparently). The Hulk, for example, is reduced to one big joke about erectile dysfunction.

Avengers: Infinity War is a lumbering behemoth, like a suitcase stuffed to the point its zip is breaking. The obvious conclusion to building a universe that must connect, yet be constrained to a sub three hour running time. The stakes are raised so high that "trillions of lives" are threatened, but the basics of film making (character development, plot, motivations, theme, pacing) are almost entirely overlooked. The movie carries no dramatic weight, and feels more like a who's who of Marvel characters. It is a Saturday morning cartoon very much brought to life, with all the associated one-dimensionality.