Before I start this review, let me start by saying that I used to be a staunch feminist. I'm certain that once upon a time, this film would have been right up my alley. I would have been nodding along with America Ferrera's infamous 30-min monologue in the second act (was it thirty minutes? It felt like thirty minutes). I would have been cheering when the women finally wrested back power. I would have been disgusted at the instatement of the patriarchy in Barbieland.

Now, this sort of narrative tires me, especially when it's so cringy and on the nose. I was expecting true woman power out of this film - a glorification of all that it means to be a woman, especially since Barbie has always been the epitome of femininity. Instead, we have the same repackaged message that being a woman is a torturous, inferior experience, and that you must escape it at all costs. We have the same narrative that men are literal trash and that they will succumb to their basest instincts at first chance.

Really, we have the same old, same old: "Women can do it all" - we cannot - "Women don't need men" - yes, we do - "Men are asinine, useless, selfish, and egoistic" - sure, like all women are, if we're making generalizations - "Loving others by serving them is demeaning" - serving others is the ultimate form of love and should be uplifted, appreciated, and glorified. Instead, this film shows women in maid costumes to make the point that serving others is h0rribl3!!!11!

We were supposed to get a visceral reaction to this image of women as maids - and I did, because it was so artless, cringy, and reductive - and make the connection that the patriarchy enslaves us. What the patriarchy does is simply split labor. Men outside the home, women within. Is that inherently bad? Or does it simply make sense based on men's and women's distinct strengths, at least historically? We must question. You will likely have a different answer than I.

I liked some of the messages at the beginning, namely that women are so often subject to impostor syndrome. That was beautiful, but then later on the film takes it upon itself to trample men to "uplift" women. I did not feel uplifted. I felt betrayed and pandered to, except I was the wrong crowd. It ignores the hardships of being the dominant sex: Being expected achieve, perform, earn more, lead, provide, protect, wear an emotionless facade. In some respects, women have it easier than men.

When America Ferrera, whom I just want say I adore, was doing her monologue on how it sucks to be a woman due to what's expected of us, all I could think was, "Yes. There are certain expected behaviors of both women and men. It's called basic public decency and decorum."

For instance, men are expected to be dominant and aggressive, but not so aggressive as to be frightening. Men are expected to hide their emotions, but not be emotionless brutes. If we started on this route, we could pick apart just about anything.

This sort of monotone, flat representation of our complex human experience works well to get a crowd fired up, but it's ultimately reductivist. I walked away feeling like the director thought I was stupid.

What I did like was the aesthetic, the much more subtle commentary on American consumerism, and the representation of teenagers are oversensitive militants. That's it.