Time is money, so long story short - this movie has everything you'd expect out of a Michael Bay Netflix cooperation: Cool military guys, explosions, product placements, cultural stereotypes, cringeworthy humor, narrative incoherence, shaky cam galore, abysmal editing, ugly color grading from 2007, Ryan Reynolds playing Ryan Reynolds, lots of American democracy, dubious countries named "Turgistan" and magnets, b***h.

Film snobs would probably argue that Bay has never been more tasteless and reached a point in his career, where he's basically parodying himself. But this movie isn't for them. It's for teenage boys with an attention span of two seconds. Oh dear, what a crime.