I must be one of the only people in the U.S. that hates this movie. Not just dislikes, but HATES. That's right; I despise this flick. Let me explain why...

When I was in high school, Tim Burton's Batman came out in theaters. I remember it being one of the most enjoyable movie-going experiences of my life. Goofy bat-props aside, it was epic, colorful, and operatic. It was what any true comic book movie should aspire to. I still consider Burton's movie the best superhero movie ever made. Yep, you heard me right.

I will be the first to admit that went into Christopher Nolan's version with a biased opinion. How could Nolan, a director known for Hitchcock-like suspense movies, ever beat Burton's dark vision? After viewing Batman Begins, it turns out I was right to question everything I had heard about it. This movie sucks.

Nolan is best left to directing off-kilter thrillers. Given his unique directing style, I have to admit that I was excited to find out that he was going to be helming this one. Unfortunately, he shows none of the originality that seeps through in his other flicks like Memento and The Prestige. How can such a good director turn out uninspired, boring schlock like this? Batman Begins is so ham-fisted and pretentious that I felt like I had been forced into watching a Baptist tent revival for two hours. The characters love sermonizing about "good vs. evil" and "morality vs. immorality". Especially Katie Holmes and Michael Caine. Now, I am a big fan of Caine's work (I won't even comment on Holmes; how she got cast in this movie is beyond me), but turning Alfred into a nagging I-Told-You-So moralist is completely aggravating. David S. Goyer should be smacked for writing such pandering drivel.

I am a huge fan of Christian Bale. I have a ton of his movies in my collection. I had big hopes for his turn as the Caped Crusader. He is the only actor in this movie that even pretends to care about what is going on, despite his very wooden performance. Gary Oldman is one of my favorite thespians of all time, but he was a braindead zombie throughout the whole flick. Ditto for Holmes, Liam Neeson, Cillian Murphy, Morgan Freeman, and Ken Watanabe. How could so many great actors sleepwalk through one production? It's all mindboggling.

The whole thing feels like a project that had a ton of energy at the beginning, but everyone involved slowly lost interest and just decided to finish it so they could collect their paychecks. Very Sad. This had such huge potential, and it turned out to be just another Hollywood cash cow.

There were some highlights for me, though. The final train showdown was really cool, as was the appearance a psychopathic Scarecrow on the streets of Gotham looking like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

Ultimately, Batman Begins is marred by poor scriptwork, poor direction, and even poorer acting. I am consistently amazed by reviews that herald it as "the movie of the year" or "the best superhero movie ever made". Uggh.

I'll stick to Zebraman, thank you very much. At least that has some creativity to it.