The great Elvira once rhetorically asked and politely answered herself out loud: "Hey, does anyone know what that movie was about? Uh, I'll tell you what it was about. It was about an hour and a half too long."

Coincidentally, about one and a half hours into this almost three hour film I asked myself what this movie was about and thought: this is gonna be a tough synopsis in my review. But, I had faith in Quentin Tarantino and knew, somehow, he was gonna link the sixty subplots together and/or circle around and make this all make sense.

At about 2 hours, 20 minutes - I couldn't take it anymore. I sat in silence this whole movie up to that point and finally asked my friend: WHAT IS THIS MOVIE ABOUT? (He laughed; he didn't know.) Fast forward to the end credits and I said more out-loud to the screen: "I'd really like to know what that movie was about?!"

The guy next to me, who seemed to enjoy it way more than myself said: "Well, it's a story." I politely agreed with him and asked what story was it. Him: "Oh, it was a fantasy." Yeah, thanks, I got *that.*

Don't get me wrong. This movie was extremely well shot and the acting between Leonardo DiCaprio and Brad Pitt was AMAZING. In fact, if both got nominated for Best Actor and Best Supporting Actor, I'd be totally on board. And, I did really like the music and a ton of the scenes made me laugh or excited - namely with tough guy Pitt's character.

But, the story, or lack thereof, was so incredibly frustrating for me. I got it. I don't need to see it again - as a matter of fact, I never want to see this again. I can follow the movie just fine. Without spoiling specifics, there were a good dozen or more actions suggested and then concluded. Over and over, someone suggested something to another and they completed said task and the characters moved on. Repeatedly.

And the main twist? Well, as people love to do - I won't here, you're welcome - someone spoiled the climax for me. They didn't come right out and tell me the ending, but basically winked that I would enjoy this "take." Even without that person spoiling the movie, it's not hard to see where this was going, especially if you've seen other Tarantino movies.

So, if that's the case, if the movie's based on the twist, it makes for a very weak third act that was supposed to make up for all the mundane scenes we sat through for nearly two and a half hours.

Fine, there is a "plot." Basically, a soon-to-be out TV/Movie actor in 1969 is trying to reinvent himself and his insecurities with his best bud/stunt double in tow. He goes up and down and sideways to stay above water. And then real life comes a-knocking.

It's sad I'm so frustrated with all this because I absolutely loved both the chemistry between the two leads and their individual characters. And I wanted them to live and succeed. But, when all is said and done, it's just a string of causes and effects with absolute conclusions for each, so basically, you're just watching people live out their everyday lives.

I certainly did NOT hate this movie, but as you'll see below, this is absolutely my least favorite Tarantino film and hope to never take this trip down Hollywood Blvd. again.

***

Final thoughts: All Nine Ranked Quentin Tarantino Directed films, if the Kill Bill Volumes are counted separately: 1. Kill Bill Vol. 2 2. The Hateful Eight 3. Jackie Brown 4. Kill Bill Vol. 1 5. Pulp Fiction 6. Death Proof 7. Django Unchained 8. Inglourious Basterds 9. Reservoir Dogs 10. Once Upon a Time in...Hollywood.