Ohmygod how can anyone watch this 141-minute chore and think it's somehow breathed fresh air into the lead balloons that are DC Comics movies? On a more positive note, because there were so many trailers featuring Taron Egerton, Ansel Elgort, and Dane DeHaan, I finally realized they are actually three different dudes who get asked to be in movies.

Origin stories usually suck. At least this time we don't have to watch Uncle Ben get murdered again. We start on a hidden island that is hidden so well that you can't find it unless you fly into it or sail to it. Men are absent, until Chris Pine shows up, who claims to be "above average" through some very, very below average dialogue. This Wonder Woman movie is different, because it's set in WWI, and we get to fight the Germans! Red Skull and Captain America had to wait through the 1930s before taking their turn. Logan was splitting skulls way back in the Civil War, I believe. Are we going to get an Aquaman movie set during one of the Opium Wars, I hope, I hope!

Evil, we know, is nothing by itself. It has to co-opt people and make them do bad things. And if evil can get another piece of evil to join it, say like Star Lord's dad or Darth Vader tried to do, there's no telling how bad bad can get. Good thing there's good people in the world, heroes and gods, to keep us from killing ourselves too much.

The plot meanders and heavily paws at noble ideals of love, peace, and human failure. Humans don't deserve Amazonian protection, nor do they deserve movies like Wonder Woman. Ares wants war forever, and Hollywood wants us to eat these garbage bites forever. Why are all the DC movies so dark, so stormy, so serious?

Oh, we get some light-hearted clothes shopping in post-Victorian London. It's awful funny watching an Amazon shop for dresses. Women don't need men for pleasure, but anyone with a vibrator could tell you that.

It's good to see Chris Pine, Chris Pratt, and Chris Evans (the Chris Syndicate) getting so much work these days.