Everyone involved in the making of this film, from Robert Downey Jr down to the assistant's assistant's assistant whose only job was to gently dab the anus of Gwyneth Paltrow's chihuahua with lemon-scented baby wipes, must all be packed into a spaceship and blasted into the sun.

Stupid. Juvenile. Predictable. Embarrassing.

Supposedly Mickey Rourke actually spent time in a Moscow prison and studied Russian history to "prepare for his role" ... erm, for what exactly, to play a human cartoon? If you'd told me he got the part in the morning and was shooting by midday I'd have no reason to doubt that. His character was stunningly dreadful. As were everyone else of course.

Only bright spot in an otherwise abysmal 2 hours of cinematic shite was Sam Rockwell. As ever, he's interesting and fun to watch. The only actor to not utterly shame himself, although, he should still be spanked hard for taking a big fat payday to appear in such a mess.