I don't recall ever seeing Tom Hardy attempt comedy, but he's in full Ace Ventura mode in Venom, Sony's latest (and successful) attempt to squeeze the dollars out of what few Marvel characters that remain under their ownership. After failing to reboot Spider-Man and coming to an agreement with Marvel Studios to share the character, Sony have been left with the web-slinger's rogue gallery, and with some kind of anti-superhero universe clearly in mind, they have kicked events off with their most popular villain, the hulking and long-tongued Venom. You may remember the character from the franchise-killing Spider-Man 3 in 2007, and you also may believe you've gone back in time over 10 years when watching this spectacularly dull and frustratingly origin story, which harks back to the dark days of the Ben-Affleck-headlined Daredevil and Tim Story's Fantastic Four.

A spaceship launched by the shadowy Life Foundation crashes down to Earth carrying four symbiotic alien lifeforms gathered from a nearby comet. Three are retrieved by the Foundation's Elon Musk-esque CEO Carlton Drake (Riz Ahmed) and taken back to their San Francisco research facility for experimentation, but one escapes, latching itself on to an ambulance driver before hopping between various people in an attempt to find a suitable host. Enter Eddie Brock (Hardy), an investigative journalist who trades in exposing and bringing down corrupt organisations. When given the chance to interview Drake, Eddie naturally uses the opportunity to question the entrepreneur about some of the horrific allegations, including experimenting on humans. The interview is cut short, and soon Eddie finds himself fired and split from his fiancee Anne (Michelle Williams). He sees the chance to redeem himself when a disgruntled Life employee gives him access to their labs, which turn out to be holding cells for symbiote testing on the homeless. The rest you can guess: a symbiote finds its way onto Eddie and he spends the rest of the film dealing with newly-acquired powers (and taste for human heads).

Marvel Studios have got the formula down to a tee, endearing superheroes to millions of new fans who had never touched a comic-book in their lives. It's somewhat sad to see Venom try to take the genre back more than a decade, when many studios were under the impression that the only way an audience will buy into a world of superpowers is through forced humour. The MCU balances humour and drama in a way that almost guarantees your emotional investment, and if you're going to go for all-out comedy like Ant-Man or Thor: Ragnarok, y'know, make it funny. The sight of Hardy cooling down in a lobster tank or flashing expressions of gormless confusion for nearly two hours does not make for pleasing entertainment. The actor is incredibly bad, and his choice to go with a mumbled accent and hunched posture means that his character fails to convince as a journalist with serious credentials. The remainder of the cast don't fare much better, although its hardly their fault. It's a thankless role for Williams, who is given little to do other than playing the role of Eddie's conscience, and Ahmed has no dimension to play around with as the stock soulless corporate type. The climax is a forgettable smack-down featuring two indistinguishable CGI creations, something The Incredible Hulk did far better ten years ago. Despite all of this, Ruben Fleischer's bland fossil of a film raked in over $800 million worldwide, so I'm afraid a sequel is inevitable.