I watched this yesterday. "A Michael Bay movie", I thought, "perfect, mindless escapism with a lot of explosions and a happy ending".

Boy, oh boy, where do I even begin?

The plot doesn't make any sense whatsoever. Some rich, white tech-wiz decides to go after an evil dictator of some fictional Middle Eastern republic. He does this using his deep pockets, his know-how and a team of anonymous experts, stringing together some crash-bang-wallop jobs in different parts of the world. Oh, and he's apparently dead, which nevertheless doesn't stop him from obtaining the otherwise unobtainable weapons and equipment. Throughout the film the timeline goes back and forth without much reason or explanation... which left me completely befuddled as to what is actually happening, when, where and why. This isn't helped at all by the way the movie was put together, what with quick cuts, short scenes and shaky camera. When the plot finally stabilises halfway through the movie, it moves quickly to an entirely predictable, and utterly naive, conclusion.

There are car chases, where the good guys kill dozens of innocent bystanders, whilst driving a neon-green product-placement "getaway" vehicle. Actually, come to think of it, the "good guys" in 6U are at least as desensitized as the "bad guys". Don't quote me on that, but it seems they cause more deaths and suffering through their actions than the "bad guys" they're after.

There is over the top gore. Human bodies ragdoll across the screen almost constantly, almost as if the director had an unhealthy fascination with people being ran over by cars on full speed, tossed around in explosions, dropped from tall buildings and impaled on forklifts. I am not squeamish and have no qualms over violence in movies, but 6U has a lot of gratuitous scenes where fake blood spatters the camera lenses. Really bad taste.

The actors were definitely not overworked, as their characters had a perceived emotional depth and personalities of a 6x4 plank. Waste of talent really as the dialogue consists almost solely of cheesy one-liners, mostly quotes from other, non-Michael-Bay movies, interspersed with swear words, mostly of the m-f- and f-bomb type. Again, I don't mind foul language on the screen, but these were delivered flat, without emotion and felt almost out of place. When tense action called for a well placed "", none were given.

In the end, the movie was just a long blur of explosions, blood, shooting, flying bodies, crashing cars and expensive surroundings being reduced to rubble, crowned with an after-action shot of our heroes departing into the setting sun.

In conclusion... I believe there are three prerequisites to enjoy 6 Underground: 1 - you enjoyed Michael Bay movies before, 2 - you left your brain somewhere safe, and 3 - you have already decided that two hours of your life will go to waste one way or another.