It's worth me prefacing this review by making it clear that I have known about this production and its source material for several years, so I am not reviewing this without first appreciating the commitment to authenticity. However, it is also worth noting that I think videogame-to-cinema adaptations are, on the most part, terrible investments and box-office failures. Whilst working my way through the nine episodes, I was constantly waiting for something to justify me watching any more of this low-quality television - maybe a decent plot development or an intriguing character - and it never arrives.

First off, the timelines and character arcs in this show are beyond shocking. There are few hints as to what time period this episode/scene/character exists in, and some of the cast age more slowly than others, so are borderline impossible to keep track of. Further to this, using scenes more than once (so as to show their place in the timeline) makes following the meagre plot even more convoluted, and by episode 5 you're wondering what has even happened up until now. These issues are compounded by the awful names prevalent in the series: the array of polysyllabic nouns all blend into an unintelligible mix, so even when you do understand the plot, you still don't know who's being spoken about.

If you do commit the time to understanding the plot development, you will be further disappointed by the acting and script that Netflix have volunteered for The Witcher. It is like a story written by 12 year-olds who watched every episode of Doctor Who since 2012 and want to adapt it for a LOTR television show, crammed with over-dramatised monologues and brooding in taverns. I can somewhat understand Henry Cavill's decision to do this as the titular role (he has tried to wholly embody the video game protagonist), but the rest of the cast didn't need to buy into this awful overacting. The sparse injections of comedy actually makes this more painful, since it shows that the writers weren't trying to make this show a non-stop drama, and yet still wrote the script as they did.

The saving grace of the film is undoubtedly the eyewatering budget spent on making the show seem authentic, with a reported $15m per episode spent on costume design and CGI. The visual effects are above par for television, and the monsters do look better than your average X-Files creature. Cavill (Gerald of Rivia) has personified the role in appearance and mannerisms, and the mythical image is certainly achieved. The sword fighting choreography is very strong (better than in most films), and this does help create some sense of atmosphere, at least until the characters start speaking again.

What made the least sense to me was the demographic The Witcher was most trying to pander to. The comedy is akin to that you would get in a children's show, but the sex and violence is so graphic that the intended age group wouldn't even be able to watch it! It might be a stroke of genius from Netflix in acknowledging that their younger fans will watch the show regardless of their maturity, but for the older audience it seems like a strange combination of simpleton comedy and mindless gore. I can accept, however, that I am in the minority here, as a second season has been commissioned instantly, and those online are still hailing this as a success.

To me, this show is a mindless grab for the coattails of what Game of Thrones once was, but doesn't even pose the same possibility of a quality plot like GoT did to begin with. I can understand if people are watching this for the violence factor, but by that same token that doesn't make The Witcher as good as an 8.9/10 (as currently rated on IMDb). Realistically if you are looking at this show as groundbreaking quality television, you are either mindlessly in love with the source material, or deluded to the point of ignoring the blatant lack of quality being dumped in front of you. If you want to understand my feelings, please watch Episode 6 (either alone or alongside the previous five episodes) and then sincerely tell me that The Witcher should be here to stay - I guarantee you are wrong.