A) A long list of "what can we do without offending anyone" was most likely made by Disney and carefully followed. B) Why is everything slowed down? Are they afraid we don't get the unfunny remarks? C) Why is Beyoncé still cast in things? How many times does she have to prove that she's a terrible actor - even when she isn't actually seen. D) Most of the soul of the original is gone. I'm not exactly sure how it happened but probably a combination of all of the above and the fact that almost everyone sounds like they're reading something they don't quite understand. E) Young Simba is annoying from the very first second he speaks - and it doesn't get any better!