This movie functions similarly to its subject matter...After watching it, you'll have a throbbing headache, feeling like you partied the whole night with Jordan Belfort and Donnie Azoff...except no...you just watched a bloated and crappy movie.

I had friends tell me it was AMAZING and I had other friends tell me that it was too much movie..Too much movie? Yep. They said it actually was a physical challenge to watch the whole running time. I didn't know who to believe, but I knew I had sat through many Lord of the Rings movies as well as Harry Potter movies and never had a problem...so why should this be a problem..? I'll tell you why.

This movie blows so hard. I will admit, I watched and enjoyed the first hour and a half or so of the movie, but then I hit a wall. I was determined to sit through it, but it became increasingly difficult to do so. It was too much profanity, drugs, and sex. TOO MUCH. This is coming from a guy who considers "Scarface" one of his all time favorite movies. It was TOO MUCH. The movie had decent plot, characterization, and pace through the first half but it just meandered and became stale the second half. It was not funny, it was not entertaining, and it was not even watchable. This is one of the few movies I recall checking my watch (phone) every other minute or so.

I don't know who MacGuyver'd this screenplay, but here's a sample of the dialogue.

"We gawt some f**kin hookas, then we snorted some f**kin coke, then we gawt sawm more f**kin money so we could buy some more hookas and coke!"

Okay, that's not verbatim but very similar, trust me. As for the acting, DiCaprio is a fine actor, no doubt but this role was so wooden and flat that DiCaprio was essentially a 3D object working on a 2D plane. How in the world THIS ROLE got nominated for best actor, I will never know. This movie actually made me hate Jonah Hill, which is hard to do. I've loved him in almost everything he's been in, but just seeing his face and hearing his voice made me want to punch him, really freaking hard. As for the supporting cast...? Fair to midland. Nothing special. Matthew McConaughey's performance was lame as well...Unless you like talking about masturbation and...you got it...coke!

If I have to judge Scorsese by this film, I'd have to say that he's lost his mojo. You can see narrative devices of "Goodfellas" playout in this movie to very little effect. Hell, you could almost call this a watered down "GoodFellas" meets "Wall Street," but not only would that insult two great films...it would be wrong. This movie doesn't take place on WALL STREET! Well, for 15 minutes it does, but it's just awful. This movie also conveniently leaves out any explanation (except the MOST basic) of penny stocks, market training, brokers, and the illegal activities in the film for...you guessed it....Hookers and coke!!

I could harp on this movie for probably as long as it took to watch the movie, but I think I'd rather move on with my life and leave this review as a warning to potential viewers that this movie is pure trash. You will feel dirty and sleezy after watching it. Scorsese needs to take a vacation or something and get back to his roots.