Baddies fight goodies. Story summary aside now, I'll comment on what actually matters in a Michael Bay movie--the noise, visual and otherwise. Since Bay seems to have wrapped up most of his commitments to the Transformers franchise, I suppose he's looking for a new series with this Netflix release, "6 Underground." Basically, this one is the same loud, adrenaline-junkie garbage he usually makes. Another rapidly-edited, stunt-laden car chase sequence occupies the opening act even before, as well as during, the narrative set-up regarding what the gang of heroes are and will be doing. After an especially blatant product-placement shot for Captain Morgan rum (and this after they make a guy a "pirate" by removing one of his eyes--get it?), there's some fighting, shooting and killing in a building, then some more of that on a yacht. They incite a coup in a fictional Asian state named "Turgistan." Anyways, I'd better tolerate the shots lasting one or two seconds before cutting to the next if it weren't for the obnoxious pop-music soundtrack, the sex scenes that are filmed the same way except with the addition of ass shots of women, the car commercials, listless parkour, hero posturing, and the gaudy slow-motion tableaus.

It's peculiar that during the car chase sequence, this visual mess threatens to spill over into the destruction of historically-important pieces of art, including Michelangelo's "David," or as this movie has it, the statue of the guy with a small penis. Another scene has a brutal dictator admiring the artwork of the Louvre. These scenes aren't as perfect of a metaphor for what Bay does to art as was his destruction of Ancient Egyptian monuments in the second Transformers burger, but it offers a stark contrast nonetheless between art and exploding rubbish such as "6 Underground."

The casting of Ryan Reynolds here makes sense. Besides putting a likable personality in front of the rest of the action-movie noise meant to disguise writing so lazy that it borrows its punchlines from other movies and media--and points that out, as if that's the joke--Reynolds has plenty of experience with (super)hero franchises. They even got his "Deadpool" writers to script this one. Again, Reynolds provides voiceover narration to directly address the audience, as he becomes something of a resurrected "ghost" who, then, assembles a team to fight baddies. Deadpool, Green Lantern, Blade, Deadpool again and, now, this. Given that he's an inventive billionaire in this one who, at one point, is accused of acting like Bruce Wayne, I guess this is Reynolds's Batman picture. Unfortunately, none of the other members of white savior's Justice League have the star charisma and fame of Reynolds, to compensate for a noisy movie and lousy script that do them no favors. This movie is trash.