Lawrence Fishburne mouths unintelligible, cryptic proverbs ... Keanu Reeves gapes back blankly, slackjawed. Bang, zoom ... the morphing computers, sensing a total absence of continuity, kick in. Stuff gets blowed up REAL good. Then it's back to the, uh, story. More tightlipped pronunciations through clenched teeth, and HOO! HAH! Martial arts! Pow! Thud! Who won? Who knows? There's nary a mark, or even a hair out of place.

Whoops, listen: somebody's got more deep thoughts. "There is no spoon." Ah, the audience is awaiting The Truth behind that one. Can you handle The Truth? Well, accepting the award for The Truth, here she comes: The Oracle! A chain-smoking, cookie-baking Sassy Mama! "Have ... a COOKIE, Nio!"

I mean, how can it miss? This is High Concept, this is Today, this is Now, short-attention-span Y2K box office boffo! We're talking Sequel City here!

I rooted for Agent Smith (Hugo Weaving, the one actor who acted in this flash-trash celluloid sinkhole) and his Brown Suits. Especially after he compared the principal characters to a virus which consumes and then moves on. The Robo-Man makes a point.

Hey! Wait a minute ... maybe there really IS no spoon! Maybe that's the POINT! There isn't one of those, either!

A point, I mean.