Yet another film that feels like it was written and directed by a team of 12 year old boys.

I was disappointed with the first Venom film but figured they'd learn from their mistakes. Nope. They take those mistakes and turn them up to eleven.

The constant "banter" between Eddie and Venom is tiring. This makes Deadpool look like sophisticated comedy.

The explosion of sounds and colours in a chaotic blur is less of a hot mess and more like Norovirus mixed with Vindaloo and food poisoning.

Stephen Graham phones in his performance whilst wearing a hairpiece that even the bald would reject.

Woody Harrelson laughs all the way to the bank. And he laughs loudly.

Tom Hardy hangs in there hoping that this will all be forgotten if and when he gets to face off against the Avengers or Spider-Man in the distant future.

Even the post credits scene is painful as it's just a remainder of what we should have and how far off course we are.

I never thought I'd say this but just rewatch Spider-Man 3 and enjoy a superior Venom.