Although the pop-group, "Coldplay" evokes supposed musical melancholy to a large mass of people, to me it evokes money-making nostalgia for a time when one wasn't such a money-making sellout. I.e. it sounds weak, not weepy; bored, not melancholic.

Thus is my argument for this film and most of Sofia Coppola's work. Her movies are kitschy pop film pieces, masquerading behind the imagery of deeper film-makers before her. A la Coldplay versus Radiohead, post-punk or Elliott Smith.

I, like every other dopey American, thinks night-time shots of Kyoto are mysterious and alluring and would like to be jaded and melancholy in a crazy Japanese metropolis. However, I don't know if this movie does much for me in painting that cheesy fantasy.

I really don't know about the character developments here. Giovanni Ribisi's convenient photographer "character", John, is unrealistically aloof from his mopey wife, Charlotte (Scarlett!). He's friends with this girl, Kelly (Anna Farina, famous from Scary Movie) who is freaking annoying on the deep end of the scale. She evokes the lowest-common-denominator of annoying, so that anyone seeing the film can understand how stupid she is in comparison to the lead characters. 'Course, John (Ribisi) doesn't notice this annoying twerp like Charlotte does! Zoinks! Now Charlotte feels soooo socially alienated!!!

I mean, geez, could you spell it out any more clearly for us, Mme. Directeuse? With characters like these, this movie borders on social indoctrination! There are a bunch of moments like this. The wisdom Bill Murray's character Bob (What About Bob?) imparts to Charlotte in these situations is basically on the level of an older brother telling his younger sister not to care what stupid frat jocks think about her booty.

If there's a reason this movie evokes emotions you can't quite put into words, it's because the movie doesn't know what it's trying to do. This movie is like some meandering indie-rock song that SOUNDS kind of melancholy, but is not concisely written with any theme or message that stands out.

Highlights: --Scarlett Johannsen crying at the Buddhist-Shinto shrine --the see-thru underwear on her butt at the opening shot --scientologists in lead roles --Bill Murray crying (he's a tragic character on a level unbeknownst to himself)