Yes, the cinematography is gorgeous. And yes, the soundtrack's great, if not always appropriate. But sadly many otherwise intelligent people have been fooled by this surface gloss into thinking this is a piece of high cinematic art. It isn't.

What it is is a mean-spirited little film about two spoiled Americans who, given an opportunity many of us would dream of - a week's free stay at a luxury hotel in one of the world's most exciting cities - do nothing but mope around moaning about how bored they are and how they can't sleep, occasionally breaking off to laugh at those crazy Japanese. The old "flied lice" jokes may have been funny when Benny Hill was doing them thirty years ago, but surely things have moved on? As well as an unpleasant vein of racism, there is also a seam of snobbery running throughout. Is Charlotte - lying around in her hotel room, living off her more proactive, more talented husband - really any better than B-movie starlet Kelly? The latter may be an airhead, but she has her own career and is enjoying the opportunity life has granted her while it lasts. And is Bob - who has travelled across the globe, missing his son's birthday in the process, just to prostitute his talent by filming a whisky commercial - in any way superior to the Japanese director and TV presenter he sneers at? Coppola clearly thinks so.

Ah yes, Bill Murray. How ironic that an actor whose reputation was founded on the film Groundhog Day should spend the following years endlessly playing the same character with diminishing returns, fooling critics into thinking he's more than a one-trick pony with that hangdog expression. Which brings me to irony no.2. During the video shoot scene, Murray's character pokes fun at Roger Moore, as if to say that Murray himself is the vastly more versatile actor. He isn't.

The film's one saving grace is Johansen who, despite the blankness of her character, lights up the screen every time she appears and has you looking at your watch when she leaves. A stunning performance, wasted on such otherwise vapid material. A film which promises an intellectual fix but ultimately says nothing.