text: Royal Undies, Imperial Snakebites
  HERE WE ARE at Macy's Passport, the Super Bowl of fashion shows, hanging with Nick (Joe Boxer) Graham, the Sultan of Skivvies, discussing the Queen of England's underwear.
  Passport is where the beautiful people dressed to the teeth go to watch the even-more-beautiful people undressed to the teeth.
  Many fashions are modeled, but the underwear finale, judging by crowd reaction, is the highlight. And last night, that was Joe's show -- "A History of Underwear," which is where the Queen comes in.
  "It's respectful," Nick said of the queen's wardrobe in the show.
  "No bunnage?" I asked.
  In the show, he showed us underwear through the ages, then a glimpse of the future -- undershorts that glow in the dark, undershorts with a built-in laptop computer.
  Bring it on. I'm tired of sticking the laptop on with Scotch tape. GOOD MORNING, fellow snakes.
  Willie Brown did a 20-minute stand-up routine at a VIP fund-raiser in D.C., trying out new material. He said, "In Mineola, you only get bitten by one snake. In San Francisco, there are 780,000 of them that bite you."
  We're hissing, Willie, but only because we can't applaud.
  I'm sure da King Snake meant his reptilian comment in the most flattering way. He should have mentioned that by the time the FBI gets done, we might have fewer snakes slithering around town. ASPHALT JUNGLE: I'm at Fifth and Mission the other afternoon and I hear a loud crunch, like a bus running over a motorcycle.
  About 40 yards away, a man is sprawled in the middle of the street near the back wheels of a bus that is pulling away from the curb.
  The man staggers to his feet and lurches to the curb. He tells me a car cut him off, forced him to swerve, and he fell partway under a SamTrans bus, which ran over his motorcycle and his right arm.
  "Neither one of 'em (car or bus) stopped," he says.
  Man, what a close call! Clumsy cyclist nearly throws bus off schedule. WHAT'S WITH the recent crime wave? Among items stolen: Ancient church bells, barber pole, potted palms from an SPCA event.
  Dwayne Newton, an S.F. firefighter who shoulda been a detective, has a theory: "It's got to be some yuppie, furnishing his hip loft." THE P.B.&J. POSSE: Folks check in with reactions to yesterday's column about S.F. cops chasing away Marin high school kids who hand out sandwiches to homeless folks every Saturday:
  "I can see why the SFPD had to stop it," says Rich McIntosh. "That teenage gang is distributing an addictive substance (food). My God, if you feed a homeless man, he might get a job, buy a car and start running red lights!"
  Art Seaman and Marty Brennels both hope that if the kids get arrested and convicted, they get sentenced to community service, like passing out sandwiches to the homeless.
  It's nice that those students have a social conscience, considering that they're from Ross, where, Jerry Matters says, "You dial 911 and you get a caterer."
  Last word from Joe Wiese: "If sandwiches are outlawed, only outlaws will have sandwiches." SUSPECTS INCLUDE anyone with shoes:
  The FBI recently sought public tips that might help capture a man and woman involved in a Bay Area bank-robbery spree. Jack Green read about it and was struck by: "Authorities said (the male robber) generally enters a bank on foot . . ."
  So how else is he going to enter the bank? MORE EVIDENCE of the pure hip- osity of the Bay Area:
  Oliveto Restaurant in Oakland this week hosted a discussion with tomato farmers, followed by a tomato tasting . . .
  At the Balboa Cafe, in the midst of a dense pack of yups, Cat Schmidt saw an empty four-person table, on which rested trendy shades and a cell phone. "Must be how they reserve seating in the Marina."
  And S.F. has the world's oldest blues festival (Sat. and Sun., Great Meadow at Fort Mason), kickoff today with a freebie (noon, Justin Herman Plaza) by Kenny Neal, the Louisiana swamp-blues successor to the line of Slim Harpo, Lazy Lester and Lonesome Sundown.
  Man, where was Kenny Neal when the cool blues names were passed out? I WOULDN'T want to be on the East Coast right now. But it sure would be inspiring to be in New York and watch 5 million people give a hurricane the finger.