opiate dependence
"I've been on it for 6 months. My 2nd time and I've had real heroin clean time before without sub maintance. I still have cravings on subs and I hate being on them. I need meetings and a sponsor but feel like a fraud so I don't go and when I rarely do I share in a meeting and break down crying. I know the horrific withdrawals I had the last time I got off sub maintance and it led to relapse a week later so I'm so terrified. I feel stuck and trapped in a corner n have crazy thoughts like going and buying to bundle of heroin to get off the suboxon but then I'm afraid I probably won't stop the heroin n will have to go to detox n rehab and now I have a 10 month old daughter so that's not an option. I can't risk getting off of it n hate bein on it"