bipolar disorde
"I have struggled silently with impulses to self-destruct/self-injure for many years. Various things would trigger episodes, frustrating conversations.  Some temptations were very strong, and sometimes I quickly self-injured. I let people think I was suicidal, and therapists were geared to interpret that way, but it wasn't that; it was overwhelming impulses to hurt myself, which I couldn't explain and felt humiliated about. Then I got to a very good psychiatrist, who put me on Divalproex extended-release pills, which I take at night. While I am groggy in the morning, and feel tired in the afternoon, and sometimes require a nap. Recently,  I've been triggered, but the impulse to hurt myself was much less. The drug was to slow things down."