vaginal yeast infection
"Oh my god.  My girl bits are on fire! Who ever approved this stuff through the FDA must have been a man.  No way would a woman allow this to be used on another woman,  unless maybe she had stolen her man or informed their knitting circle about the FDA employee having some crazy kink. 
Needless to say,  I am praying to every higher power known to man ( or woman) that I get some sleep despite the fire and that it's kills the YI!"