How can I use my iPhone as a microphone to my Windows laptop? My Windows laptop has a shoddy microphone. I can connect my iPhone to my laptop via USB; I'm not asking about Bluetooth. I fancy speaking to my phone's audio input as if it were a mic.
You'll need a "microphone app" to be able to do that. That could for example be the "Wo Mic" or the "Ez-Mic" apps:

https://wolicheng.com/womic/

https://www.ez-mic.com