how to show all boot options and then hide them from rEFInd? I believe I have rEFInd running
When it’s active, refit and a duplicate windows partition show up.  (i have kali, windows 10, and OS X catalina) and then choose JUST those three to boot from, but there's two extra. a extra windows boot option, and the rEFIt
I don't want them there.
I cannot find rEFIt in libraries/startupitems there is NOTHING there, and don't know if its in EFI because nothing in there is names rEFIt, windows
Is there a way to see all bootable drives?
If you have the current version of rEFInd installed, then you should be able to hide the undesired menu items by highlighting the icon and pressing the - key. This assumes hidden_tags appears as a showtools option parameter in the refind.conf file. See Hiding and Displaying EFI Boot Loaders for more information.
If you have Hidden Tags enabled, then the following icon will appear on the tools line of rEFInd.

The default location for a rEFInd installation is the EFI/refind folder in the hidden EFI volume (disk0s1). You can mount this volume by using the command given below.
sudo diskutil mount disk0s1

You can unmount by using the command given below.
diskutil unmount disk0s1


Note: You mention rEFIt  in your question. You should not be using rEFIt with Catalina. The rEFIt Project is depreciated and has been replaced with rEFInd.