can i turn off ask to buy for my 13 year old daughter? Apple tells me it is mandatory for "under 13".  Yet I cannot seem to turn it off. Does this mean she is only free from "ask to buy" when she turns 14? To me, "under 13" means 12 or lower.
Did you create an account for your daughter in the 'Family Sharing' settings on iCloud?
There, you'll have the possibility to change some settings for her account.