Turn on Text Replacement, Chrome? I know I'm supposed to enable text replacement via Edit > Substitutions > Text Replacement but… I cannot find that menu in Chrome at all. Help?
This is currently not possible because Chrome does few things its own way. Here is the bug that tracks this

https://bugs.chromium.org/p/chromium/issues/detail?id=42434

Still if you dream about adding a comment there forget it, even if Chromium is Open-Source the team decided that they don't need external feedback and disabled the commenting.

There is also a thread on Google Forums about this bug. But again, Google closed the topic in order to avoid other comments.

https://productforums.google.com/forum/#!topic/chrome/CAv_4eUkhzk

I guess that your only option would be use Twitter to tween about this issue. Be use that you mention @Google in your tweet. You will be surprised how reactive are big companies when their PR is affected by their poor experience.