How to redeem a wasted youth? I wasted my youth. I am 35 years old. I had a toxic relationship with my parents, especially my mother. My career never started and am still looking for a fresh start and finding it humiliating at my age.

What does Buddhism says about wasting your youth? Is redemption possible?

Thanks.
So Buddhism says a lot of things.

One is that unhappiness is caused by "craving" i.e. by wanting things to be other than as they are (or by wanting impermanent things to continue)

Another is that unhappiness is caused by various types of "self-view", for example, "I will die" or "I cannot have what I want" etc.

One aspect of "self-view" is "comparison" -- comparing "yourself" to others -- for example, "I have or don't have a job", and, "I don't have as good a job as she has" etc.

The word "humiliation" sounds like it's associated with "pride" -- which, is one of the "fetters", one of the canonical problems. There is one way in which "conceit" or "comparison" can be used wisely or productively, which is to say, "That person (maybe a 'spiritual friend') has attained X (i.e. 'enlightenment') by doing Y (i.e. 'practising the way to enlightenment'). Perhaps I too, by doing Y, can attain X".

I guess the Buddhist path might be something like,


Be moral (ethical) to avoid hurting others
Understand (perhaps by learning Buddhist doctrine on that subject) what kinds of thinking cause unhappiness, then stop doing that


The word "redemption" might not be mainstream Buddhist -- I associate that word with "Christ the Redeemer" i.e. "Jesus dying to save (redeem, buy back, pay a sacrificial price for) Mankind from Sin".

Buddhism is a little more "You're saved by your own efforts" (with due respect, to the three jewels or refuges) -- i.e. it's up to you to learn, up to you to control or not control your mind, and each person is "heir to their own kamma" i.e. it's because of your own intentions/actions that you become happy or unhappy -- go to "heaven" or "the animal word" or become "enlightened".

The fact that you're able to ask this question suggests you're capable -- not too addicted or angry to care, not too confused to even ask, at least have lucid moments.

I don't know your circumstances, but from this distance I might suggest, don't worry too much about "career never started" if you can. Any work you do might be good work, what you volunteer to do as well. The important thing is to do the best you can in the circumstances -- "best" meaning "kind to yourself and others" -- and then be happy, because you're doing the best you can.



I still wonder if all suffering are really from oneself

Canonically it (i.e. mental or psychological suffering) arises from craving, attachment, self-image -- part of which is the idea that there is a "oneself" for it to come from.

you can also be made to feel shame by the community

People might try to shame you, I guess -- there's a sutta SN 7.2 which describes the Buddha's reply to someone trying to "insult" him.

I'm not sure that "shame" is a good way to teach people -- here's a non-Buddhist poem which was semi-famous when I was young:


  CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE
  --Dorothy Law Nolte
  
  If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
  If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
  If children live with ridicule, they learn to be shy.
  If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
  If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
  If children live with tolerance, they learn to be patient.
  If children live with praise, they learn to appreciate.
  If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
  If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
  If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
  If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and others.
  If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.


It's possible, I don't know, that some people in the community are trying to tell you something worthwhile -- or, maybe they're unkind and trying to shame you -- or maybe you react with shame, when it's not their intention to inflict it -- I don't know.

Perhaps you can't afford to pay too much attention to people who are only negative and not helpful.

I also don't know what they want, maybe they're selfishly trying to sell you something useless -- it's up to you to find wise advice I guess.

isn't there a point where the inner world is not so solipsisitc

Yes and no?

I've met people in whom "suffering", as a result of their "inner world", seemed to me absolutely pathological, and nearly life-long -- and maladaptive i.e. not a "good" response to the current social environment -- like post-traumatic stress.

The whole "self versus society" is complicated, especially when that's seen as "versus" rather than as "cooperating with".

Anyway I think that Buddhism intends to help you become free of negative emotions, like shame (also called "obscurations" in some schools of Buddhism). Perhaps you have to recognise the emotion, and understand how it arises, and remove or avoid or "uproot" the condition[s] in which it arises.

To be fair Buddhism also teaches that "a sense of shame" can be a good thing for a student to have, because it keeps them from doing the wrong things.

A good part of that and a (possibly 'the') basis of Buddhism is ethics -- it's taught that "skilful virtue" (which I think means "doing the right thing well") has a purpose and a result, which is "absence of remorse", from which arises "joy" and so on.

So "absence of remorse" -- having done the best you can, doing the best you can, intending to do the best you can in future -- and not being ashamed of that, not being ashamed because of that.

Note that "ethics" aren't, necessarily, "solipsistic" -- ethics help people coexist, help the person coexist with society. The so-called Threefold Training maybe begins with "Right Speech", which is usefully summarised here -- Right Speech -- which I'd recommend you read ... and then practice i.e. try to speak like that and to listen to "right speech" from other people.