Suffering more in order to feel less suffering? Living with suffering? I have been reflecting on suffering and it seems to me that, since everyone is suffering and yet most people around me seem happy and contented, there is a way to live "happily" despite suffering that is accessible to everyone, Buddhist and non buddhist alike.

None of these "happy" people I know are Buddhist - most have no spiritual beliefs. I'm mainly talking about the people at my work: I am the youngest and all the others are middle aged, I have a healthy body and most are overweight or have pain from age related problems, most have children which (from the sound of it) is a big source of suffering. I admit I have depression (I have had it since I was abused as a child by a parent and don't expect it will ever go away), and I only have one friend (probably due to depression too), but I feel that objectively I am suffering less than everyone I spend time with even though it doesn't seem that way.

If this is true then I must be missing something really big, if I'm here trying to learn the way to escaping suffering but my colleagues are already halfway there without thinking about it. It seems like every day takes all my effort just to get through, but my colleagues are doing the same work happily AND raising kids (for example).

My teacher seems to teach only that you can ignore suffering if you focus on imagined, "happy" scenarios, and that thia can even heal my depression if I brainwash myself enough, but I am questioning this as Buddha clearly said that only enlightenment is the cessation of suffering.

What does Buddha teach about how to live well while suffering? Do I need to suffer more to toughen myself up against suffering - am I too "soft" because I've lived a life relatively free of pain? Have my older colleagues already suffered so much that they are beginning to be free of it? Is it really just about ignoring the negative emotions and exhaustion I constantly feel, and lying to myself until it becomes true? 

None of that seems right but my teacher seems so sure. (She is New Kadampa - I don't know where that sits under the various Buddhist umbrellas.)
Your work colleagues live lives of distraction. For example, when a person has children, they are psychologically driven as a parent to think about them. This brings happiness because it is good kamma to think about unselfishly caring for others. However, this good kamma does not end suffering. But this is why having family is better for the majority of people than becoming a monk or nun. Most people will suffer more if they become a monk or nun because they are designed psycho-biologically to have children &amp; busy their lives with the excitements, loves, joys &amp; sorrows of parenting. Parenting gives life a 'purpose', even though parenting does not end suffering. 



As for depression, the Dhamma way is to completely respect non-harming; to know thoroughly in the heart through repeated reflection the Dhamma does not harm, is completely safe &amp; protects all beings. This will result in the mind losing attachment towards abuse. Adults, such as parents, can only abuse children because children, in their innocence, look upon adults as authority figures. When the heart can completely embrace, respect &amp; honor non-harming &amp; non-violence, abusers will be disempowered &amp; lose their authority. They will be rejected &amp; purged. 

With abusive parents, this type of cleansing/healing can be difficult to do because there is an instinctual expectation that parents should be good to us, which enhances the depression. The depression is not only caused by the abuse or violence but also due to the expectation, hurt &amp; sense of betrayal that parents have not cared for us, making us feel unworthy. 

Therefore, the Dhamma states no person, including parents, have the right to abuse or do violence to any person, including their own children. The Dhamma states abusers that abuse children end up in hell, according to the law of Dhamma. If we can imagine an abusive parent in hell, we may begin to feel sympathy for their ignorance &amp; spiritual poverty/illness. 

Parents that abuse their children have a serious mental problem or illness. The more clearly this can be seen &amp; realised, the more the illness can be removed from our heart/mind &amp; returned to where it came from; the more we can feel sorry for the abuser rather than feel hurt from the abuser. 



To focus on imagined "happy" scenarios may possibly help overcome depression by brainwashing oneself enough. This sounds like painting over rust. 

The Buddha clearly said enlightenment is the cessation of suffering. However, enlightenment is comprised of three factors, one of which is having a clear vision of non-harming. When the heart is saturated with the love (metta) of non-harming, this is like removing rust from shiny metal rather than painting over it. It is harder work &amp; may be more painful in the short term. 



Ultimately, enlightenment sees the 'doer' of abuse is merely the element of 'ignorance' (rather than a 'person', such as a 'parent'). The Buddha explained life is comprised of only 'elements' ('dhatu'), which includes elements such as 'violence' &amp; 'non-harming'.  

Abusers do not intentionally act to abuse. In reality, such minds have no control over such behaviour because an unwholesome suffering element is controlling the mind.  

The Pali suttas say: 


  Dependent on the violence element, perception of violence arises; 
  
  dependent on perception of violence, violent intention arises;
  
  dependent on violent intention, violent desire arises;
  
  dependent on violent desire, violent passion arises;
  
  dependent on violent passion , violent quest arises;
  
  engaged in the quest of violence, the uninstructed worldling conducts himself wrongly in these three ways — with the body, with speech, and
  with the mind
  
  SN 14.12
  
  
  
  137. Those who inflicts violence on those who are unarmed, and offends those who are inoffensive, will soon come upon one of these ten
  states:
  
  138-140 Sharp pain, or disaster, bodily injury, serious illness, or derangement of mind, trouble from the government, or grave charges,
  loss of relatives, or loss of wealth, or houses destroyed by ravaging
  fire; upon dissolution of the body that ignorant person is born in hell.
  
  Dhammapada