Handling painful emotions My students' formal feedback about teaching makes me feel defeated. What would be a Buddhist view of this pain?
Most people have some story about who they are. They call this their identity, their role in life.

Think of this identity as a table with many legs. Each leg is one facet of their identity - for example, it maybe husband to the best wife, teacher to a loving children, son to wonderful parents, patriot of the greatest country, football fan of the greatest team, lover of the best food and so on.

We even call this the well rounded person, and we want to be very proud about the many interests.

Good. Now what happens when one of them is no longer true?

Since life is impermanent, any one of these legs can collapse.    


When one loses one's parents to old age, one is no longer a son.    
When one retires from one's job, one is no longer a teacher     
When countries cease to exist, one is no longer a patriot or even a
citizen of the old country     
When one's wife leaves, one is no longer a husband  


and so on.

We can all admit, we have seen this happen, time and again.

Most people will watch one leg collapse and quickly prop up the table with a new interest. This is why some people take up dancing or something to fill their time when they get divorced. Or reminisce old stories about the good old times after they retire. This is their identity surviving always in new forms.

Meanwhile there is constant agony over the uncertainty about when one leg or the other is going to collapse, and they will rush to support it, and make sure it doesn't collapse. 

When we aren't doing so well at work, we try to give the boss no excuse to be angry with us, is it not? We may never want to turn up late, or miss a day at work and so on. There is some fear here, and that is us trying to prop up that weak leg.

Now imagine we had no legs. Nothing to hold up. Then there'd be no fear, no pride, no ego, no sorrow. We can be whatever we want.

The nature of the mind is to produce thoughts, sometimes they can be pleasurable, and at other times they are painful. 

When we identify with our thoughts, because they strengthen or weaken our identity - such as - "I am a very good teacher, or I am a sincere teacher, or I am a no good teacher" - whatever the story, positive or negative, this gives stickiness to the thoughts that relate to the story.

Then we can't let go of them. Even when they are hurting us, we hold on, obsessed with them, too attached to them, the thoughts are stuck to us.

Everything in this world is impermanent, yes? 

Therefore the wisdom is not to derive our identity from such impermanent objects.

We aren't a teacher or a husband or a son or whatever - we are empty. We really are, don't take my word for it, or even the word of the Buddha, or the Buddhists, ask yourself. Were you born a teacher? Were you born a husband?

No, these things came into our lives at some point, and will leave our lives at some point. When we stop identifying with them, we are free, and our thoughts on them no longer matter.