How does one decide whether one lives a lay married life or a celibate life? A bit of background. In my mid-20s, I spent a lot of time (cumulative 1 year) in different monasteries in Thailand, Myanmar and Nepal. I understand experientially the importance of consistent and regular practice. I am now 33, have a decent tech job. I am very conflicted between a lay married life and celibate life of serious practice. Anybody have the same dilemma? How did you solve it?
If one is married, one can first understand that desire is more often asymmetrical than not. One can also observe resentment arising out of asymmetrical desire.

Asymmetrical desire therefore provides an opportunity to explore the problem posed. For example, suppose that one has desire. Then one can consider whether that desire is asymmetrical or not. And if it is indeed asymmetrical, then we can give it up. Doing this puts one gently on the path to restraint and ultimately celibacy out of consideration for others. It is also serious practice that can gently change a married relationship to one of understanding and consideration absent lust. In other words, rather than fighting the daunting dilemma posed, one addresses it day-by-day within that day's context, moment by moment, breath by breath.


  MN8:12.10: ‘Others will be covetous, but here we will not be covetous.’


Relinquishing asymmetrical desire for shared sensual pleasure is a small step that can help one start the practice of seclusion from sensual pleasures altogether. Seclusion from sensual pleasures is required to proceed on the Noble Eightfold Path. It is required for immersion, for jhana:


  MN8:4.1: It’s possible that a certain mendicant, quite secluded from sensual pleasures, secluded from unskillful qualities, might enter and remain in the first absorption, which has the rapture and bliss born of seclusion, while placing the mind and keeping it connected.