I'm a widow trying to find myself My best friend, business partner and lover died four years ago, and I’m struggling to find myself again. I’ve tried meditating before, but it doesn’t seem to work at 5 minutes a day. I have lots of time, please help me. Where do I start?
Buddhism explains a person's self-identity is generally based on the external things the mind attaches to (MN 44). Therefore, it is expected or normal a widow may struggle with their sense of self if their partner passes away. Buddhism calls this 'aging-&amp;-death', i.e., when a loved one dies, something within the living partner also 'dies' (mentally). 

Also, while it may sound pessimistic, Buddhism tells us all conditioned things are impermanent and ‘I must be parted and separated from everyone and everything dear and agreeable to me.’ (AN 5.57)

Buddhism also says: "Separation from what is loved/pleasing is suffering" (SN 56.11). 

However, Buddhism does not instruct us to completely forget loved ones. DN 31 says: "I shall offer alms in honor of my departed relatives." 

The starting point of Buddhism is Refuge in the Three Jewels, which are the Buddha, the Dhamma (Teachings) &amp; the Sangha (Noble Community). 

Since you sound aggrieved, finding a trustworthy Buddhist group may help offer some support and noble friendships.