What are some ways to quickly cool a beer? It's happened to the best of us: you really want a nice hefeweizen or maybe a good bitter, but all you have are room-temperature bottles.  Short of waiting an hour or so or (god forbid) putting ice in it, how can a bottle or can of beer be effectively cooled quickly?
Take a bucket. Or a bowl. Or a cooler.  Or any other similar vessel. Put your beer bottles or cans (sealed! For the love of god, sealed!) at the bottom of the bucket.

Fill it most of the way with ice. Then fill in with water until the bottles are submerged. Then throw in any remaining ice.

Finally, add a volume of salt commensurate with the quantity of water, both solid and liquid, you've already got in there.

Wait anywhere from 5 to 20 minutes depending on desired coldness and quantity of beer.

Enjoy!

(Rinse the rim of the bottle if you're finicky. Also, this will probably ruin the label. Sorry. Why do you care about that anyway? You weirdo.)