How to open a beer without a bottle opener? How does one go about opening a bottle of beer when (gasp) there are no bottle openers present?

Twist off is not an option. And, anything involving using one's teeth should be omitted (safety first!)
Almost anything can be used to open a bottle of beer. What we used as university students: spoon (fork, knife), key, table, park bank, fence, another bottle of beer.

My preferred way (when there's no bottle opener) is to use a spoon (I hold the spoon differently but this way is also worth consideration):



Using another (closed) bottle:



If you are outside you can use any hard surface. Place the bottle as in picture and push on it or hit slightly. Keep in mind that wood can be damaged by a bottle cap.