What options are there in Canada for treatment of severe depression and anxiety for pilots? I'm a Canadian commercial helicopter pilot, and I've been struggling with severe depression and anxiety issues since childhood.
I'm very good at faking it, well, good enough that I've been able to lie on my medical in order to get it. Initially I had a 'good reason' to, I thought that my depression issue had something to do with not being fulfilled in life and that maybe following my dreams would sort it out. Because that was the only thing I hadn't tried yet, besides chemical treatment.
Well, it hasn't. In fact, its become abundantly clear to me that its entirely a chemical issue. Its not an issue of environment, job, friends, family, its not an issue I can talk about because there is no reason in the first place. I need actual prescription treatment.
It's entirely independent of my life, which I have no complaints about. Gradually its gotten worse. I took myself off of flying duty when the suicidal ideaton started up again, and have been unemployed since as I cant even get out of bed before 4PM most days, not fit to fly in the least.
Ever since then I've been treating it with cannabis, which has had quite satisfactory results, the daily life-is-pain levels have descended from a steady 8 to a solid 4. But as everybody knows that's not sustainable with aviation drug tests, as well as obviously illegal to continue. I've done lots of research into my options for treatment that wont end up throwing my career away, but maybe its just the depression talking, but all of them see like rather optimistic and shit gambles to me. Every non chemical option i.e, shrinks, supplements, getting outside, exercise, has fallen flat entirely. TC does say on their site that they have some program for treatment, but my interpretation of it is that the goal is to have you off the medication before returning to flight, not to have you able to stably take it during, which in my case sounds like a recipe for disaster as I feel it'll just come back.
I'm seriously considering just hanging up my helmet for good and just accepting that until the issues are sorted out fully, which may be never, that I'll have to pursue another career. I don't want to, I want to be a pilot. I don't want to be a washed up former pilot, because I don't know if I'd ever get over that. But I'm killing myself slowly doing it, so I have to do SOMETHING.
Has anybody ever faced a similar situation before, or have any ideas?
Because all I can see options wise right now is; A, throw away tens of thousands and an entire career to get treatment, and possibly never get over that. Or, B, continue lying on the medical and keep going, but effectively torturing myself.
I don't know what I'm expecting asking an anonymous forum this, but I don't have anyone else to ask aviation related questions and I despise working with shrinks.
PS:
Also, don't be that guy, or any variant of that guy, who goes, &quot;Well you shouldn't have become a pilot in the first place then!&quot;, because there's always that guy. I know. Tell me when you've got a time machine to make that piece of advice worth anything.
I'm not going to address the legal aspects of your question, but I will tackle the psychological side as I have a degree in it - although I'm not a practicing psychologist. It sounds like you have been through a bad period and are likely coming out of it into a better period, what you need to do is see a professional and get some help very soon. Everything seems impossible when you're suffering depression, but it's very treatable and you may still be able to fly.
It's in everyone's best interest, especially yours, to have you well and functioning. As you have stated yourself going without treatment is unsustainable whether you are flying or not, so there's two possible outcomes with treatment:

You're better and you can still fly: pilots can fly on anti-depressants in most jurisdictions, including Canada, provided they get medical clearance
You're better and you do something else

Either outcome you're better, which is miles ahead of where you are now. You lose nothing by getting treatment, things can only get better with it.
Drug treatments exist for most types of depression and bi-polar type disorders, and studies show that they are most effective when they are paired with counseling. I would suggest cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) as you will learn better coping strategies and thought patterns. Things will get better if you get help, so see your doctor right away.