Got blackout drunk last night, it needs to be the LAST time. I want to stop but I don't know how I am in a new town, don't have any friends. I refuse to go to AA- done it before, hate it. I'm very against the shaming and the the atheist in me hated it for all the higher power bullshit. I am actually still very drunk as I write this. I'm a 30 year old woman, living alone. I have recently been through some extremely difficult life events and alcohol was my crutch, my sleep aid, etc. I need help. I'm scared I'm going to end up dying because of this. I don't know how to make cold turkey work, I don't know how to step it down. I don't have any money. I don't have the insurance or time to check myself in anywhere, and I can't report substance abuse to insurance anyway because I'm afraid it would affect my career. Please help me.