I have only two emotions these days Sad or Angry. This isn't healthy for me and it isn't healthy for my son. I am always angry at my partner, but I hold it all in and I bad mouth  and spitfire- all in my head.  But at least during angry I can function like a human like being. But then it all bubbles to the surface and I am sad. I am sad for days. Then the anger starts inside and although I have made many mistakes (a lot) I realize that I have no power here, I am a shell of a person. And I have given away all of my power, it's my fault, I fucking gave it away. But my partner took it, freely. Everything is my fault, I haven't spoken up for myself in a very long time. I don't think I can get it back. 