I wish I didn't wake up What I said. Just wish I didn't. It's perfect. No pain, no caring about friends and family. 

Was I made for living? Maybe. But I wasn't made for mortality. I can't handle it. I don't see myself growing old, because I will likely have off'ed myself off by then.

Why? Why can't I ignore/forget/not know about in the first place - the things that most people have no trouble pretending don't exist.

Who cares? I don't. The reason is lost on me. It's meaningless, like my life, like me.
Christ... help me.