Feeling like a failure because there are so many anorexics who just never binge while I constantly do. Why can't I just recover in a "pure" way? Just eating meals, slowly gaining weight, enjoying eating again and opening myself to more and more foods every day?

Why do I always have to regain weight by binging messily and feeling like a greedy disgusting pig? Why do I always have to feel like recovery is giving me nothing besides fear, panic and fat on my belly?

People keep saying this is normal. It's not. There are so many people who never binge in recovery.

I honestly feel better when I restrict. At least I can relate to others' experience.