TIFU by not listening to my dog This happened this morning at 2AM when my dumb, neurotic dog started barking uncontrollably in the backyard. Raccoons have been known to lurk in the trees which drives her nuts. Not to annoy the neighbors, I drag her into my bedroom. After five minutes of calm, she starts pawing at the door, pacing back and forth, all antsy like. Her agitation escalates into full on barking and whining.

I start thinking that maybe there really is something outside. I venture out to the backyard with a flashlight, but I can't see or hear a thing; it's as calm as an empty church. Stupid dog. As soon as I drag myself back into bed, I learn why my dog was so perturbed: I hear her explosive diarrhea blasting my bedroom floor. 

I spend the next half an hour cleaning up my floor, dry heaving, and cursing myself for misinterpreting my poor dog's nervous antics as anti-raccoon aggression, when all she wanted to do was poop.