I just bought some Xanax. I can't do this anymore. Hopefully it will arrive soon. I'm 29 and my body is screaming at me to stop. I feel like something is wrong with me. Downing pints of vodka a day I have no grip on this. I'm really scared. I had almost two months of sobriety in October. Why couldn't I have taken advantage of that. I'm slowly losing everything again. I'm really terrified.