So numb. Something is missing. I am not sad or angry or happy. I a numb and floating through life. So very apathetic. I don’t want to be numb anymore, but it’s not like it’s a choice. Drugs and sex and binge eating, cutting and drinking, it all fills the void for a little bit, but afterwards I feel sick and empty. This cycle repeats and has been repeating for years. I have done everything to be a better person. I have done it all. I am now convinced that “waiting it out” is the only option. 

I am not going to try and kill myself anymore, but if a bus hit me I wouldn’t be too sad. 

How can I continue on? Why are we even here? Is life even worth living? Every time I tell myself yes, I know I am lying. 