There's something so calming about having a plan I can't control or stop my bad thoughts, and as many times as I've asked for professional help, I'm told the only available options are appointments 3-5 months out or to be inpatient at our only psych ward. I've been there. Not only do I think it was awful but doctors I've spoken with agree it's a horrible facility and a traumatizing experience. And by time the appointment comes up 3 months later I don't go because I usually have a panic attack the day of. I do not have any real support system and I am tired of asking for help, i already feel like a burden to the world. But putting together a plan is honestly the most at peace I have felt in so long. 


TL;DR putting together a plan is honestly the most at peace I have felt in so long.