Feedback and Suggestions on Phrasing In a scene from my book, a character, Nastia, has been shot and she's taking small steps to a staircase. But as she staggers, at one point, she can't handle the pain so she tumbles down the stairs and knocks out. With the way I phrased it below, I just don't feel like it gives off a very professional or emotional vibe to it. Are there any suggestions on how to properly phrase the ending?




    "Small steps carried Nastia towards a staircase, as if she'd forgotten how to walk. But it wasn't that. She had forgotten what it felt like to be free and for the first time in a long time, felt painfully liberated. She staggered until she could no longer handle the pain and tumbled down the staircase, knocking out."





 As I said above, it doesn't seem to be the most professional in terms of how it's phrased. I also don't feel like it gives off the vibe of the emotional scene, just because of word choice.