No male rolemodel in my life made anxious around other man. I never had a male rolemodel outside of fiction. I had a homless alcoholic father who died and an abusive step father. I had an older brother I looked up to but he was never with me and now we are so different , he's not very smart and do things I can't agree with.

Anyway I never learned anything manly. And for the most part I don't really care. Maybe a little.

So when I see a "manly" man who can fix things and strong I feel so little next to him. My confidence goes to zero, even when the guy is my friend and genuinly a nice guy.

It really fucks up my mind.