I can’t handle this anymore I have PPD and D-MER, my baby is 12 months old and still nurses, she won’t take a bottle or sippy cup, she very rarely will eat table food or baby food, or snacks. I wish I never would have started breastfeeding it has caused me so much anxiety and sadness it makes me hate myself because that’s the only way I can calm her down or feel connected to her, I’m so sad and hopeless all the time she is growing up without me basically, that’s the only comfort I provide for her is a boob. I’m such a shit mother.  Hearing her cry makes me want to stab myself in the face. I’m useless to her. She only wants to be near me when she wants to nurse. I’m not good for her. I just want to leave and hope she finds a better mother. 
I would never hurt myself or my baby, but these are the feelings I experience almost everyday. I don’t want to take anti-deppresents because I don’t want it to go into my milk supply, even a little bit. I’ve caused her enough damage. 