I think I read this online in the last ten years, so after 2005 or so. In the story, everyone is online, I think 24/7. People are jaded and always looking for new experiences. The protagonist (or at least narrator) is a woman, I want to say in her 30s (or at least appears as that age), who is considered to be an expert in the area of torture ceremonies. I want to say that her appearance is of her being scarred and twisted by her experiences, although I don't know if that had to do with her meatspace body, or was simply how she portrayed herself.

The only other bit of plot that sticks out in my head was that early in the story, someone (it was a male, and she was thinking of him as being incredibly young) challenges her with a scenario to prove himself, and she was idly commenting how he went for horrific disfiguring torture too early, and tried to compensate by going directly to rape, but that she found his efforts banal.