I’m back! Hi…I missed you all! I have been moving for days now…wow! What an experience! At one point I had one hour of sleep in 40 hours! My hands are still healing from cuts and over use and my feet ache! Moving is such an interesting experience! I am so happy in my new place in Austin! Even without my bed and all sore, I am happier and have so much more inner peace!
I have been completely dedicated to this move because it represented such a huge shift for me, inner, outer and spiritually. I sorted through nearly 35 years of my life and it was highly emotional. Things from my 27 year marriage, which ended in divorce last year, brought up such mixed and bizarre feelings. What do you do with your wedding veil and photo albums? Will your kids want them one day? How wierd it all is! At times I was immersed in sadness, and other times I was felt so free releasing all the old stuff. Up and down the emotional scale I went, day after day.Sometimes I found boxes form high school and saw pictures of me, young and happy, my old boyfriend and friends. All my sports awards brought back such wondeful memorires and some pride.
As I released tons of weight, internally and spiritually as well as physically, I felt a door opening deep within me. It was a door I have perhaps had open long ago as a child for awhile, but since then has been bolted shut. It was a door that holds the real me, the true joy and the complete freedom of my true spiritual nature. This is a door that, sadly, most of us close at some point in our lives. Usually as a kid. At some point we shut the door, afraid of being rejected, criticised, abandoned, humiliated. We begin to try to fit in and pleas eothers and follow rules and pretty soon, we are living only partially as ourselves.
In this move I found deep inner peace, profound spiritual freedom and so much more. I literally fought a long 6 month, internal battle in order to get here. There was so much old fear, old relationships, and old mental and inner ‘baggage’ to process and move. It was challenging and scary. It pushed me from the deepest part of me…it would have been so much easier to just saty where wi was, literally and figuratively. It would have been, but I was internally motivated to get free.
Free from the past, free from my self made inner prison, free from my family and their misunderstandings, judgements and disapproval. I cannot tell you this has been easy or fun. I can tlel you that I would do it agin in a heartbest, because I know that when you process your inner world pain and fears, wow, you egt the goodies, every time! There is no comparison than releasing the past pains and memories that do not up lift and empower you. The process builds your strength. Just when you think you can’t go on, you do. Just when you think the pain or worry of thinking ‘what will happen’ and ‘will it work’ is too much, you breakthrouhg another glass barrier inside you and you can go on.
I had a friend who described raising kids like being ‘forged by fire’. I think our lives are a lot like that. If you are willing to stop living for others. If you make it a priority to move yourself to a life that feeds your soul and makes your sing all over. If you are willing to value yourself above all else and follow what feels good, even when it feels bad getting there…you get the honor of living your life. Your life is one of freedom in every sense, abundance in all areas you deisre it, and love, joy and bliss. I am so very glad I have made this journey. I am so honored I was supported by suvch amazing and lving friends and my beloved! I feel lke I am stepping into a new world. I am getting used to feeling this new level of joyand accepting it is mine forever.