Assertiveness is a useful communication tool.
Its application is contextual and it's not appropriate to be assertive in all situations.
Remember, sudden use of assertiveness may be perceived as an act of aggression by others.
Here are some useful guidelines to ensure your successful use of an assertive communication style.
Assertive communication is the ability to express positive and negative ideas and feelings in an open, honest and direct way.
It recognises our rights whilst still respecting the rights of others.
It allows us to take responsibility for ourselves and our actions without judging or blaming other people.
And it allows us to constructively confront and find a mutually satisfying solution where conflict exists.
The advantages of assertiveness in communication.
Assertiveness in communication is definitely NOT a lifestyle! It's NOT a guarantee that you will get what you want. It's definitely NOT an acceptable style of communication with everyone, but at least it's NOT being aggressive.
But it IS about choice.
Part of being assertive involves the ability to appropriately express your needs and feelings. You can accomplish this by using "I" statements. These indicate ownership, do not attribute blame, focuses on behaviour, identifies the effect of behaviour, is direct and honest, and contributes to the growth of your relationship with each other.
"I feel frustrated when you are late for meetings. I don't like having to repeat information."
There are six assertiveness techniques - let's look at each of them in turn.
2. Repeated Assertion (the 'broken record'): this assertiveness technique allows you to feel comfortable by ignoring manipulative verbal side traps, argumentative baiting and irrelevant logic while sticking to your point. To most effectively use this assertiveness technique use calm repetition, and say what you want and stay focused on the issue. You'll find that there is no need to rehearse this technique, and no need to 'hype yourself up' to deal with others.
"That may be true, but I'm not interested at the moment"
"Is there someone else here who would be interested?"
"I don't want any of these products"
"Ok, would you take this brochure and think about it?"
"Yes, I will take a brochure"
4. Negative enquiry: this assertiveness technique seeks out criticism about yourself in close relationships by prompting the expression of honest, negative feelings to improve communication. To use it effectively you need to listen for critical comments, clarify your understanding of those criticisms, use the information if it will be helpful or ignore the information if it is manipulative. An example of this assertiveness technique would be, "So you think/believe that I am not interested?"
5. Negative assertion: this assertiveness technique lets you look more comfortably at negatives in your own behaviour or personality without feeling defensive or anxious, this also reduces your critics' hostility. You should accept your errors or faults, but not apologise. Instead, tentatively and sympathetically agree with hostile criticism of your negative qualities. An example would be, "Yes, you're right. I don't always listen closely to what you have to say."
6. Workable compromise: when you feel that your self-respect is not in question, consider a workable compromise with the other person. You can always bargain for your material goals unless the compromise affects your personal feelings of self-respect. However, if the end goal involves a matter of your self-worth and self-respect, THERE CAN BE NO COMPROMISE. An example of this assertiveness technique would be, "I understand that you have a need to talk and I need to finish what I'm doing. So what about meeting in half an hour?"
Assertiveness is a useful communication tool. It's application is contextual and it's not appropriate to be assertive in all situations. Remember, your sudden use of assertiveness may be perceived as an act of aggression by others.
When you match consumer psychology with effective communication styles you get a powerful combination. Lee Hopkins can show you how to communicate better for better business results.
Be Assertive and Take Charge of YOUR Life!