In my previous articles on marriage (part1 and part2), I offered some thoughts courtesy of Archbishop Sheen on the male and female relationship, and our unique perspectives regarding marriage. St. John Paul II also has some remarkable things to say that may add greater depth.
Marriage, is a unique indissoluble union between a man and a woman, created in the beginning by the Creator. What does it mean to “exist mutually, one for the other?” The key to understanding how this is possible, is the language of gift.
We are all persons made in the image and likeness of God. In marriage, this unique relationship mirrors the Trinity and gives us a foretaste of heaven. We are called to pour ourselves out in a “sincere gift of self” (Gadium et Spes, 24). In doing so we not only discover ourselves, but we also discover the other more deeply.
What are some ways we can pour ourselves out for one another?
When I think of the obvious ways that I pour myself out in gift for my husband, it’s easy to think only of the practical things that I can do for him. Keeping a pleasant and clean home, preparing delicious meals, listening to his jokes for the one hundredth time and still managing to smile, being an attentive listener etc. If I go a step deeper, I think of the sexual embrace, pregnancy, birth, and motherhood, whereby I radically gave my own body in a sincere gift.
Is it just that, or is there more?
Being both body and soul means we must pour ourselves out for the spiritual well being of our spouse as well. Do we pray for him or her? Do we pray with them? As I have mentioned previously, most couples I have met, do not pray together at all.
Are we attentive to the needs of their souls? Are we doing what we can to get our spouse to heaven? Can we go deeper in making a gift of ourselves through prayer, fasting, and supplication for our spouse’s spiritual gain? This is where the gift we pour out can benefit them spiritually.
One really great example of this is Elisabeth Leseur, a French housewife in the late 1800’s whose physician husband Felix, was an outspoken atheist and anticlerical. At age thirty-two Elisabeth, with the help of her spiritual director, began to learn more about the faith, grow her personal relationship with God, and to offer sacrifices and suffering for the conversion of her husband.
This witness of love so pure, as to suffer what she could for the conversion of her husband is truly inspiring. What sacrifices, what sufferings are we willing to undertake for the spiritual conversion of our spouse?
There is much work to be done in our marriages. Its fruit benefits not only our spouse, but our family and society as well. Everything is impacted for the good, when marriages succeed. We really do such a disservice when we give up on our spouses and negate the very means for our own salvation.
I will close with these most apropos words from Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI.
“Marriage is truly an instrument of salvation, not only for married people but for the whole of society. Like any truly worthwhile goal, it places demands upon us, it challenges us, it calls us to be prepared to sacrifice our own interests for the good of the other. It requires us to exercise tolerance and to offer forgiveness.” (General Audience, May 5, 2010).
May we see in our spouse someone whose very existence is our means to heaven and our life’s work to get them heavenward. In doing so, we may be saving our very souls and offering a great witness of love to the world.