It started out innocuously. I asked a colleague if she’d be willing to listen to an upcoming presentation for a local non-profit. She said she would, and I plunged in.
My hackles went up. Wow! Was there anything you liked? My left hand column was in overdrive. I was ready to leap on her but stopped, centered myself, and decided to practice what I do, in fact, teach.
I asked for my colleague’s opinion. That’s what I got. Her perception is true for her. What can I gain from knowing this?
In the Aikido model I teach and practice, I see incoming communication as energy. The question (and practice) is: how can I use this energy? In my case, I reframed the critical “attack” as feedback and directed it toward my goal: a great presentation.
What about unsolicited criticism? Stop the speaker and help them offer their feedback in a way you can receive it. For example, “I appreciate you have feedback, and I’d like to hear it. In fact, I’m curious about … (state what that is).” Now you’re ready and more likely to experience the feedback as useful.
I listened. I got curious. I understood I was reacting to how she delivered the feedback: big gestures; loud voice; authoritarian affect. Easy to reject. So I stepped aside, let her big energy flow on by, and looked for what was useful.
I don’t like jargon either, so I’ll see if I can use words that are more inclusive.
Why did she perceive the content as theoretical? I asked and got more “feedback”!
Is it criticism, or is it feedback? Whether it’s constructive criticism in the workplace or elsewhere, if I’m open to learning, everything is feedback and almost always interesting. And if I don’t like it, I say “Thank you very much” and move on.