Another 31 days of following the same routine nearly everyday. Finding passion and motivation in this routine to keep us going isn’t always easy. Nearly everyday I ask myself if this is how I want to be spending my time. Not because I do not love what I do, but because I am a economical person – if the perceived input isn’t worth the output, something needs to change.
The last month I have been experiencing extreme waves of certainty in my training and performance. I will question everything I am doing one day, to feeling like I am on top of the world the next. It’s exhausting. The problem lies within my confidence. Needing to constantly assure myself that what I am doing is right instead of trusting my hard work is not the right thing to do. There needs be an established trust in the system for it to be effective.
Racing at National Team Trials in Halifax a couple weeks ago was awesome. While we treated it as just a checkpoint to the Trials we will be racing at next month, it ended up being a really significant execution for me. While there was an immediate sense of relief at the end of each race, there was a heavier feeling of doubt and uncertainty that hung over my head. It took me approximately two days to absorb the results of my hard work and actually appreciate the success I had.
We returned home and summer was in full swing. Within three days the trees had fully bloomed and the weather spiked from 10 degrees and grey to 30 degrees and clear blue skies. I stopped to appreciate the warmth of the sun on my body again and I found a new fullness in my heart. All I could do was smile.
Four days later my head was going to explode in stress. I was up to my ears in the school work of a new semester, working shifts and finding ways to bring my training to a new level. It felt like I hadn’t taken a deep breath in days. I found myself blindly going through my routines without giving myself time to check on my mind and body. Because I have been so diligent about mindfulness and mental health more recently, after three days I felt so rotten I needed to make a change.
I found new times in my day where I could stop to breathe, do some yoga, or even just a small reflection. In no time my head felt clearer, my mind more open, and body lighter. Yet again, I was reminded of the significance of taking care of myself while living a busy lifestyle. There is no problem with being on the go but you have to put yourself first.
Now we are in Ottawa racing at Ontario Team Trials. It is refreshing to see all the young faces come out to start their racing season. I was shocked to realize that I was one of the oldest athletes racing at this regatta. It really seems like it was just yesterday that I was looking up to all the older girls racing for team Ontario.
This weekend is allowing me to be more free while racing, not being afraid to spend some extra energy laughing, socializing with friends I haven’t seen in ages, and having some fun on the water.