I'm off in search of snacks. If I'm not back soon, notify the authorities!
It's almost three o'clock! Is he back? HALP! AUTHORITIES! AUTHORITIES!
RIGHT! WHAT'S ALL THIS, THEN? SOME KIND OF TROUBLE, SIR?
I'd like to report a missing blogger. He said around 1:30 that he was going to get some snacks, and we should call the authorities if he wasn't back soon.
Oh, I hope he's alright! He was so young and full of life! Please say you'll do something!
DON'T WORRY, SIR! I'M ON THE CASE! WHAT DID THIS BLOGGER LOOK LIKE?
He was... eighty feet tall... covered with pale, lime-green fur... had three eyes... horns.... Eight legs... and... uh... while he was technically called "Nathan," he also responded to "Melvin." He... uhm... has laser eyes... and a radar dish on his head... and... uhm... he was dressed like Batman.
YES, SIR, IT DID! I'LL PUT OUT AN APB RIGHT NOW!
ATTENTION! ATTENTION! ALL UNITS PLEASE BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR AN 80' LIME-GREEN BLOGGER DRESSED AS BATMAN. SUBJECT HAS THREE EYES, HORNS, A RADAR DISH, EIGHT LEGS, AND MAY ANSWER TO EITHER "NATHAN" OR "MELVIN." SUBJECT HAS LASER EYES AND SHOULD NOT BE STARED AT DIRECTLY. SUBJECT IS PRESUMED HUNGRY AND MAY BE SEEKING A CONVENIENCE STORE, DELI, SUPERMARKET, FAST FOOD RESTAURANT, CAFE, BAKERY, DOUGHNUT SHOP, CANDY STORE, HOT DOG STAND, PRETZEL VENDOR, OR OTHER LOCATION WHERE "SNACK"-TYPE CONSUMABLES MAY BE OBTAINED. PLEASE ADVISE IMMEDIATELY IF SUBJECT FOUND.
I am now safely home with snacks. Homemade pizza is in the oven. Cracker Jacks have been consumed.
Thanks for the caring and stuff.
WELL! LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE A HAPPY ENDING! IS THIS YOUR BLOGGER, SIR?
No! This is not the blogger I was looking for! This is an impostor! An impostor! For shame!
What have you done with the real Nathan, you Cracker-Jack-eating, homemade-pizza baking, blue-haired impostor? Where is he? What have you done with Nathan/Melvin?