One thing is for certain, regardless of what you are trying to accomplish in your life; whether it be creating a powerful career, starting anything new and adventurous or out there in the dating world hoping to find your perfect partner, you need self confidence to get the best outcome for that goal.
Every change that you desire to make for the betterment of your life and situation takes courage and that is the key to self-confidence. Telling someone to be confident is like telling someone to be happy.
So, what does that look like and feel like and how do you get it? The truth is happiness cannot be pursued directly, and if it is, the results will almost certainly be both quickly forgotten and disappointing. Instead it is a byproduct of losing yourself in some pursuit, moment, sensation or idea. Confidence is just like happiness, it cannot be pursued. Rather it is a product of a life-changing process or experience.
Inspirational quotes, pop psychology and self-affirmations are just temporary confidence boosts. Although they may make you feel good, they lack the fundamental base of core self-strength. They are like temporary Band-Aids.
There is no instant way to all of a sudden have all the confidence to go out there and reach for the gold ring. But like most things in life, the foundations of having self-confidence are deceptively simple.
It is only when we look at confidence from far away and something that someone else has, does it look complicated and inaccessible. Challenging yourself is the mortar used to build the foundation of confidence. We build confidence one success at a time.
Perhaps that is the lure of all the self-help books and gurus out there. It provides an external source to lay that first foundation of confidence for self-development and growth. It should start in childhood, where good parenting instills an illusionary sense of confidence.
The “Wow. Honey you are so great” comment serves to build children’s confidence but the lack of that parental encouragement usually creates an insecure adult. The overabundance of it can also bring about the results of an adult that comes across as full of themselves totally based on others opinions of them.
Here’s what to tell someone lacking in self-confidence: Instead of telling them they are great and amazing, instead offer them a challenge. They may not take it you up on it, but you have done your part. You can’t force confidence on anyone.
Only a transformative experience can affect someone into creating LASTING change. Any challenge, regardless of how insubstantial it may seem, is the water and sunlight needed for the seed of confidence to grow. Those challenges can be meeting you for a Sunday 7 AM run for a month, a 30 day no carb diet challenge or anything that pushes you into the discomfort zone.
It only takes one ‘seemingly’ big undertaking for the seeds to be planted and your psyche will start looking for more. There are no losers. The western culture is so preoccupied with success that we often forget that just taking on a personal challenge is transformative enough. Regardless of the outcome, taking on some sort of task and completing it shows one that he or she is capable.
The three successful steps for building confidence is all about keeping it simple. The beauty of simplicity is that it’s the underlying factor in all great achievements. It’s the water that slowly wears away the rocks or the steady hand that builds a masterpiece. Simple formulas will create uncommonly great things.
Pick something you are scared of doing or don’t want to do.
Commit to doing it and follow through with it as though you have made a promise to someone you love, YOU!
With each success, you will become more confident as a result.
Do not underestimate a simple solution for a seemingly overwhelming life hurdle. Usually the simple and uncomplicated approach to dismantling a bad habit or a fear is baby steps. Think of the look on a child’s face when they have realized they just took their first step by themselves. That is the energetic focus you are looking for in order to understand what gives you self-confidence. Be kind to yourself and take those first baby steps!