Way cool. Flash fiction is great practice. For something this short though, with so much dialog I think it would have helped to make the different voices very distinct. Maybe one of the characters have a bit of dialect. Just would add some color I think.
Thanks, William. I did wonder about that, but couldn’t figure how to do it. I didn’t want to use names. The dialect is a good idea to remember for next time.
I almost died when I lost the first one… I had spent so much time on it and really thought it was pretty good. No, you can’t get back the Mojo.
This was a brilliant idea – a dialogue and a monologue running at the same time. Loved it. Really good – if this isn’t as good as the first one you lost, that one must have been utterly terrific! Well done.
Thank you Sandra… you vocalized what I was thinking.
You too, Aggie. Say hi to Windy and the City for me.
This structure is great, Ted. Very creative.
Ted! I really like your story. It has just enough mystery to make one read faster.
Good job! You write fiction well.
Fun! Where does it go from there? Do you even know or did it stop in your head, to be worked on later? “Who are these people?” I’ve thought that sometimes when looking at my “smart” phone – merging all my FB and twitter contacts into my address book. LOL. It’s a wonder I find anyone.
Oh man, waiter dreams. Those plagued me for so many years- oh no, I’m in the weeds AGAIN!!