​In chapter, “Daily Strength for Daily Needs” Schwalbe talks about his mother reconnecting with an old friend and how they gave her gifts “that would change what was left of her life” (88). One gift was a book which contained quite a bit of bible quotes and religious poetry. This book was with the Mary Anne almost 24/7. The rest of the chapter Schwalbe tells us that he wasn’t much of a religious person unlike his brother and sister since they were children and how his mother began to bring in Christian faith based books into the book club. The next chapter “People of the Book” begins with a visit to the doctors and some good news. The chemo Schwalbe’s mother is receiving is working and some of the tumors have shrunk. Schwalbe says, “With the good news from the doctor, we exchange books. Everything is back to the new normal again.” Though shortly after Mary Anne became more ill. Toward the end of the chapter the author and his mother discuss the book “People of the Book” and he reads a passage of “Daily Strength for Daily Needs” that his mother had placed a marker in.
Books are obviously a major part of Schwalbe’s life as well as his mother. He wrote a book about reading books so it’s pretty clear but in the end of the chapter “People of the Book” Mary Anne expresses the importance of books a bit more. She says “When I think back on all the refugee camps I visited, all over the world, the people always asked for the same thing: books. Sometimes even before medicine or shelter-they wanted books for their children” and she goes on to say “If Afghanistan doesn’t have books, the people there don’t have much of a chance.” This got me thinking on when and how I began to read books as much as I could. When I was in the third grade my sister was hospitalized for a couple months and during that time when I wasn’t there with her I was at home reading. Reading became my way to cope with what was going on and ever since then reading became a source of comfort and a way to escape the real world for a while.
So this brings me to ask, what are your opinions on books? Do you find the same or similar comfort in books as Mary Anne, Schwalbe, and I? Do you see reading as a chore or an obligation? Do you think finding comfort in a book is sort of crazy or perfectly sane?
We begin the Chapter “The Hobbit” by gaining the knowledge that Mary Anne was diagnosed with stage four cancer, stage four being the last step before death. Following after we are introduced to a scene on the pharmacy in which we learn how medicare works and the struggle of a woman without the funds to pay for her mother’s medication. Soon after discovering that Mary Anne took it upon herself to pay for the woman’s bill we learn more about her family. Having had married after an engagement on the first date, we are walked to memory lane as we are told Mary Anne’s careers and how the love her children have for reading was built after she would read to them as a child.The author then refers to a book from the past, which he was highly obsessed with called The Hobbit, as the problem of Thanksgiving being possible that year comes into the picture. As the Chapter concludes the author, father and brother spend Thanksgiving with a friend and the get a taste what Thanksgiving would be like without Mary Anne.
At this point in the book we can take it upon ourselves to realize that Mary Anne Schwalbe is a human being with a heart of gold, but also an observant human being. As the author talks about Medicare and its ability to only provide for so much medicine. His mother reaction wondering what happened to people who could not afford has personally made me think of this as a problem we take for granted on a daily basis. He then writes, “ Universal health care was always a an issue Mom cared about, and the more cared she got , the angrier she became that good medicine wasn’t available for everyone in the United States.” (Pg 63). After reading this quote I could not agree more. Many of the time low family incomes become more and more in debt trying to provide medications for their low ones. Medications that may sometimes be generic instead of the actual medicine they required. I feel that a lot of the times the pressure this family members have to provide for their sick one is at an old time high. Having had family members who have passed away from cancer I am familiar with the expenses this unpredictable sickness comes with, fortunately my family was many times capable of covering the cost. However, I feel that if we were not able to come together to help with the expenses, everyone of us would feel guilty of the pain our sickones would have experience. What are your thoughts on the issues of medicare/ do you agree that families should have to pay full prices? If you disagree with medicare terms how do you suggest we fix it?
In this week’s reading Schwable and his mother are at a chemo treatment just before Thanksgiving. As they talk about the book Marjorie Morningstar he talks about his mother’s ability to listen and to be fully present in a conversation. Schwable writes, “She would listen and then ask questions – and not just the yes or no or numerical questions people ask to feign interest…She used her questions to get people to talk more about how they felt, what they’d learn, or who’d they met, or what they thought would happen next” (51).
I liked this section of the book because I tend to view myself as a terrible listener. I have to work hard to focus and not think about my phone, or my chores, or…anything else than what the person who is talking to me is trying to convey. Stephen Covey’s book and the chapter on empathetic listening has helped me to at least think of listening as an important skill that I need to work on. A recent workshop I attended reinforced that I have the skills to be a good listener; I simply have to apply them.
(When I listened) “I discover that I didn’t have all the answers in the dialogue that occurred we find that there is a magnetism that comes together that is greater than the sum of the parts.” (8:00).
It is so moving to listen to this and think about the power of listening. It seems like something so easy to do; just listen to people what their needs are, what their concerns are, what their hopes and dreams are…the idea that simply listening can help people address all of these.
How do you view yourself and a listener? Do you ever think about the power of listening? Do you believe that simply listening to people can lead to great change like that discussed by Brown? Do you know someone who is a great listener? How does the world respond to them?
I would like to continue the discussion of fate versus free will this week, and I ask that you forgive me a bit in regards to page numbers and citations because I am alternating between a print and electronic copy of the book.
As I read through this week’s reading Schwable’s family still believes Mary Ann is suffering from hepatitis contracted while working in Afghanistan and are frustrated with the general feeling of inadequacy as they watch her get sicker and sicker not knowing how to help her or fix things. While on vacation in Maine, Schwable and his mother discuss On Chesil Beach by Ian McGowan. He writes, “Mom had spent so much time in war zones, she said, that she was drawn to books that dealt with dark themes, as they helped her understand the world as it is, and not as we wish it would be” (location 257). Of the characters in the book Schwable writes, ““I wonder if things could have turned out differently” I added. I don’t know Mom answered, “Maybe not but maybe the characters think things could have turned out differently, maybe that’s why you found it so sad” (location 263).
This book was sometimes very difficult for me to read because it brings back many of the feelings I experienced as my dad suffered and died from cancer. Like Mary Anne, my dad was diagnosed with an incurable cancer and was told he could fight it for a time until the chemo stopped working against the tumors, but he would inevitably die from the disease. It was his fate; the doctors said. My dad fought for several years, always believing he had the will to beat cancer. He believed that if he fought hard enough or long enough eventually a cure would be found. Even after doctors told him there was no longer any hope, he refused to enter hospice care because he viewed this step as giving up the fight, as admitting it was his fate to die from cancer and he didn’t have the will to fight anymore. I still find it terribly sad to think that my dad died believing that things could have turned out differently for him.
If I believe in fate than I believe that maybe my dad should have accepted his terminal diagnosis earlier. That if he had accepted it, he may have had peace at the end of his life. On the other hand, if I believe in free will than I know that his will to fight gave him two more amazing years with his family that he wouldn’t have experienced if he had just given in to fate.
​We can extend this idea to ourselves as college students. Is it your fate to succeed? What determines it (Your family? Your background?) Or is it your free will? Will you graduate no matter what obstacles come across your path? Have you already beaten overwhelming odds to become a college student (first generation students? single parents? lack of family resources? academic difficulties?) What limitations do you place on your beliefs and on what do you base your answer?