How to Help a Suicidal Family Member
Hearing a family member talk about suicide, or suspecting that they're thinking about it, is extremely difficult. Knowing how and when to help is a tough call, and being there for a depressed loved one can be very stressful. While there aren’t easy answers, you can help a suicidal family member if you recognize their risk for suicide, look for warning signs, and support them over time.
1. **Notice how they are acting.** A big change in behavior is one warning sign that someone may be considering suicide. Paying attention to how the person is acting can help you prevent their suicide. 

Sometimes people start acting recklessly when they are considering suicide. For example, if your dad starts riding his motorcycle without a helmet, he may be considering suicide.
Look for signs like giving away possessions that they really care about. For example, if your cousin gives you her favorite necklace for no reason, she might be suicidal.
Pay attention if they don’t seem interested in things they usually enjoy. For instance, if your aunt loves swimming, but suddenly stopped going for no reason, this might be a warning sign for suicide.
2. **Listen to what they are saying.** There are several phrases and comments your family member may say that are warning signs that they are considering suicide. You can help your suicidal family member by listening for signs of hopelessness or giving up.

If your family member says things like, "I don’t have anything to live for" or "I'm just so tired of life" it is probably a sign they’re considering suicide.
Listen for phrases that suggest your family member feels like the world would be better without them.
For example, "Everyone is better off without me" or "It’ll be better if I’m just not here.”
Notice if they say no one gets them or cares about them. For instance, comments like "No one cares or understands me" or "You don’t get me."
3. **Pay attention to their feelings.** You can help a suicidal family member if you notice when they seem to be having lots of feelings that may indicate suicide risk. Being aware of their feelings of depression, hopelessness, extreme frustration, and exhaustion can help you help your family member.

For example, your brother used to be pretty calm and laid-back. Now he is grumpy, sensitive, and sad all the time. It might be a warning sign for suicide.
You can ask how your family member is feeling by saying, “How have you been feeling lately? Have you been depressed or upset a lot?”
If they mention having feelings of guilt, failure, hopelessness, depression, or anxiety, you should pay attention.
Some people are more peaceful and less agitated when they are considering suicide because they think they’ve found a solution to their problems.
4. **Determine their intent.** If your family member is in the middle of a suicide crisis or you think they might be, you can help them by determining how serious they are about attempting suicide. Knowing their intent will help you decide the best thing to do to help.

Let your family member know you care and ask them if they are thinking about suicide. You could say, “I’m concerned. Have you thought about suicide?”
If they say they have thought about suicide, you should find out if they have thought about how, when, and where they will do it.
You might ask, “Do you have a plan for how to do it? Do you already know when you will do it?”
If you think they intend to attempt suicide soon, then don’t leave them alone. If you can’t stay, contact someone else to come stay. Don’t leave until the other person arrives.
5. **Use your 'CLUES'.** Remembering the acronym CLUES will help you know what to do if your family member is suicidal right now.  It reminds you to connect (C) with your family member and listen (L) to them. It also reminds you to understand (U) their feelings, express (E) concern, and seek (S) help.
6. **Connect with your family member.** You can help your suicidal family member by letting them know that you care about them and are there for them. Connecting with them lets them know that someone realizes how bad things are for them and wants to help make it better.

Connect with your family member by saying things like, “You may feel alone, but you aren’t. I’m here for you.”
Don’t tell them that their problems aren’t that bad or that they should cheer up. It will make them feel like you don’t understand. Don’t ask them to explain the reasons for their feelings either because this may seem like you are minimizing their feelings. Just let them know that you are there for them.
Try saying something like, “I know it’s really hard for you right now, and there aren’t any easy solutions. But we can work this out.”
7. **Listen to what they have to say.** You don’t have to talk to your family member a lot or say anything at all. Just being with them, giving them a chance to talk about how they are feeling, and listening to them will help them.

Let your family member know they have your attention by getting rid of distractions. Cut the TV or music off. Put your electronic devices on silent.
Keep your phone nearby in case you need to call for help, but don’t keep checking notifications.
8. **Understand their feelings.** Don’t try to offer advice or tell your family member what to do. Instead, put yourself in your suicidal family member’s shoes and think about how they are feeling so you understand what they are going through.

Think to yourself, “How would I feel if I was in this situation? Can I understand how they might feel like they do?”
You can tell your family member, “I know what it feels like to be discouraged. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you.”
9. **Express your concern for them.** You can help a suicidal family member simply by letting them know that you care about them, are worried about them, and want to help. Like connecting with your family member, expressing your concern is a way to show them you understand the seriousness of their feelings.

Be sincere and genuine when you are talking to them.
You can say, “I don’t know everything you are dealing with but I know that I want you around and that I love you.”
You might say something like, “I’m concerned about you and want to help you with this situation.”
10. **Seek help for your family member.** If things get too out-of-hand and you think your family member is going to attempt suicide right now, then get help immediately. Even if your family member doesn’t want help, you should get it so that you can keep your family member safe and prevent them from attempting suicide.

In the United States, you can call 911 or a crisis hotline like 1-800-442-4673, or 988. You can also message the Crisis Text Line at 741741 to talk to someone over text, or call your country's suicide prevention hotline if you're outside of the United States.
A suicidal person can be taken to the emergency room if they might be in immediate danger or are hurting themselves.
Tell your family member that you are worried and want to keep them safe so you are getting help.
You might say, “I want to keep you safe and I know this is the best way to do that right now.”
If you need to, then call for help without them knowing or text someone and tell them to call for help.
If your loved one is seeing a mental health professional currently, then you may want to alert their therapist that you believe they are suicidal or encourage your loved one to call their therapist.
11. **Spend time with them.** The easiest way to determine your family member’s risk for suicide and see warning signs is to spend time with them. Being around them allows you the opportunity to notice what they are saying and how they are acting. It also gives you the chance to talk to them about things going on in their life.

You can do something as simple as call or video chat with them.
You can also spend time in person just by visiting them or hanging out for a little while.
Ask them how their life is going in general. For instance, you might say, “How are things going? Anything major happened recently?”
12. **Ask about recent risks.** There are some stressors that can make it more likely that someone may attempt suicide. Asking your family member about these things can help you understand how at risk they may be for attempting suicide.

Find out if anyone they care about has died recently. Death of a loved one, and in particular suicide, can put your family member at greater suicide risk.
You might indirectly ask your family member about recent deaths by saying, “How is everyone doing? Are all your friends and family doing okay?”
Ask about recent losses like a break-up, losing a job, or losing a title or position.
For example, you could ask, “How’s school and your job going? How are you doing with basketball?”
13. **Find out about on-going and past risks.** Some things may be going on in your family member’s life that have been happening for a while that may put them at risk for suicide. There may also be some things in your family member’s past that put them at greater risk. Finding out about these things will help you prevent them from attempting suicide.

Determine if they have attempted suicide before because this puts them at greater risk for trying it again.
Find out whether your family member is being or has been abused, bullied, or victimized.
If your family member has chronic pain or a mental illness they may view suicide as a way to end their suffering.
Ask whether anyone else in the family has attempted or died by suicide. A family history of suicide can increase a person’s risk of attempting it.
You might ask, “Has anyone in the family attempted or died from suicide that you know of?”
You may also want to find out if they are taking any SSRI antidepressants because these can increase thoughts of suicide in some people.
14. **Form a support team.** Your family member may ask you not to tell anyone else what is going on. But, to help them, you need to let someone close to both of you know what is going on. Having a support team will make it less stressful for everyone involved and will make it easier to make sure the person isn’t suicidal anymore.

Let your suicidal family member know that you want to tell someone else can help you all with the situation.
You might say, “I’m not trying to tell everyone what is going on, but we do need to let someone else know so that they can help us with this.”
Try to avoid going behind their back, but if the suicidal person is a child, is being abused, or if you’re under 18, you should definitely tell an adult you trust as soon as possible.
If you have to, you can tell someone else without specifically mentioning suicide.  For example, “My cousin is dealing with emotional stuff we need help with.”
Recruit the help of a doctor or therapist as soon as possible, because they have the necessary training to deal with these situations.
Support groups can also help with specific problems. Try looking online for support groups in your area, or ask your loved one’s doctor or therapist for support group recommendations.
15. **Create a safety plan for the suicidal person.** This plan helps your suicidal family member in a lot of ways. It lets you and the support team know what to do and who to call if your family member shows signs that they may be considering suicide again.

Download or print a copy of Suicide Prevention Lifeline’s Suicide Prevention Safety Plan. Share it with the people on the support team
Ask your family member to take part in creating their safety plan. This can help them know that people care about them.
For example, you could say, “I’d like to put together a plan so that if you are feeling really bad again we’ll know how to handle it in advance.”
If possible, get a therapist or doctor to help you create the plan. They will have great suggestions on how to make the plan the most effective.
16. **Check on your family member often.** Sometimes people will stop checking on their suicidal family member after the immediate threat is over. But your family member still needs support and still needs to know that you care. Checking on your suicidal family member also helps them by letting you know if something is wrong before the situation gets really bad again.

Tell your family member, “I’m just checking in to see how things are going with you.”
Spending time with them on a regular basis is a way to check on them without it seeming weird. Make sure that your loved one is not left alone for long periods of time because this may cause them to ruminate. Encourage them to keep a regular schedule and to see friends and family often.
You don’t even have to mention suicide when you are checking on your family member. Just observe them and see if things seem okay.
If you have a doctor or therapist on the support team, ask them if they can check-in with your suicidal family member on a regular basis.
17. **Promote healthy choices for your family member.** Emotional stress, like considering suicide, can cause physical problems. At the same time, some physical problems can cause a person to become so emotionally stressed that they consider suicide. You can help a suicidal family member by encouraging them to take care of their emotional and physical health.

Talk to your family member about getting the right amount of sleep. You could say, “Make sure you’re getting six to eight hours of sleep, but don’t overdo it.”
Promote physical activity by inviting your family member to go for a hike, a game of racquetball, or a quick tennis match.
Encourage them to avoid drugs and alcohol as a way to cope with their feelings. Substance abuse can increase the chances that your family member will attempt suicide.
Help your loved one come up with proactive solutions to their problems. For example, if their financial situation is driving their decision to take their life, then helping your loved one develop a plan to get out of debt, then this may help them to feel better about the situation.
18. **Remember to take care of yourself as well.** Supporting your loved one is important, but it can also be difficult to focus on your own well-being as well. Be sure to practice self-care so you don’t feel stressed and to help you understand your own needs. If you develop a plan and you still feel like you’re overwhelmed physically or emotionally, try finding professional help to guide you through any difficult times.
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