How to Ask for a Bra
It may be uncomfortable to talk with your parents, guardians, or other adults about your desire to purchase a bra. But, once you identify an adult who you can trust, it is a good idea to let them know about the details of your request. Talk with them privately about your concerns and why you think now is the right time to buy. It may help to practice what you plan to say in advance. Stay calm and be prepared to listen to their concerns as well. Then, when you get a “yes,” head out to a store and buy that first bra.
1. **Decide who to ask.** You will want to approach someone who you trust and who has the power to help you. This may be a parent, guardian, relative, or family friend. Choose a person who you know will keep your personal information private. The person that you ask will also need to have the money to purchase a bra for you or the ability to take you out shopping.
If you are uncertain about who to ask, it may help to write down a quick list of potential people. Then, try to assess the pros and cons of approaching each person on your list. For example, next to “Dad” you might write, “I trust him the most,” but, “I’m not sure he’d be comfortable talking about this.”
2. **Practice your conversation.** Sit in front of a mirror and walk through a mock conversation in which you ask for a bra. You can do both sides of the dialogue. Or, you can get a trusted friend to practice with you. This will better prepare you to accept counterarguments and to stay calm.
3. **Wait for the perfect time.** Don’t pick a time when the person is particularly rushed or stressed. They will be less likely to listen to your request and give you a positive answer. Instead, find a time when they are relaxed and in a good mood. If you are talking with a parent, perhaps after dinner would be a good idea.
4. **Talk one-on-one.** To have their undivided attention, it is best if you talk with them when no one else is around. This will also ensure that whatever you have to say will stay private. Maybe mention something when you are both in the car. Or, perhaps try to get their attention right before you head to bed.
5. **Drop a few hints.** If you are not quite ready to have a full conversation, you could briefly mention your request a few times over the course of a couple of weeks. Perhaps talk about how you will need some new clothing items for school? Or, you could talk about how a friend of yours just got her first bra. Keep it casual to see how your listener will react.
You might say, “I’ve been thinking that I might need some new sports clothes for gym class.” Then, you can bring up the idea of getting a sports bra and a regular one too.
6. **Remember that you are not alone.** Many women have been exactly where you are and they were probably nervous too. This is a very common occurrence and can actually be an exciting time if you see it as another entry point into your teen years. If you are asking another woman for a bra, such as your mom, you might ask her about her first bra shopping experience.
7. **Visualize another brave moment.** If your nerves seem to get the best of you, take a few minutes and think about a time when you were afraid and pushed through your fears. Tell yourself, “I did it then and I can do it now.” Just keep repeating this until you get up the courage to ask.
8. **Follow the other person’s lead.** After you ask about a bra, they may want more information or they may want to tell you about their own experiences bra shopping. Be prepared for any kind of response. It is also a good idea to talk with them when your schedule is relatively open, in case they want to head out shopping right away.
9. **Discuss your activity level.** If the person asks why you need a bra, you might want to talk about the activities that you are involved in that require a great deal of movement. This means that you are not only asking for a bra for personal reasons, but for health ones as well.
For example, you could tell them about how you play basketball and how you need more chest support as you are running around the court.
10. **Talk about your peers.** If you’ve noticed that many of your friends have recently gotten bras, you might mention this as well. However, just be sure to reassure the person you’re asking that you are not giving in to peer pressure, you actually need a bra. But, putting everything into context as part of puberty may make this transition easier for all involved.
You might say, “All of my friends are currently wearing bras and, from talking with them, I think that it is a good time for me to start doing it as well.”
11. **Suggest going shopping in general.** This is a good way to break the ice too. Ask if they would like to go shopping with you and then head to a department store. Then, browse around the racks like usual, but make your way to the lingerie and undergarments section.
Looking through the bra offerings of a large store can be a bit overwhelming, so before you go it is a good idea to hop online and browse through the various styles and sizes available.
12. **Be prepared to hear “no.”** Even if you get up the guts to ask, it is quite possible that they will refuse to help you. If this is the case, you may want to ask again after a few days have passed. Or, you can save up some money and see if you can purchase one on your own.
Try to be conservative in what you ask for initially. Don’t request an elaborate or expensive push-up bra. Instead, keep your requests fairly minimal.
13. **Write a note.** If you are simply too nervous to talk, then compose a quick letter to your parent or guardian in which you ask them to help you select and purchase a bra. Keep the letter brief and to-the-point. State your request in a polite way and then explain your reasoning. Make sure to tell them whether you would prefer a written or verbal response.
For example, you might write, “I think I need a bra because my chest frequently hurts when we play sports in school. I think that I could use the additional support that a bra would provide.”
14. **Start with a training or sports bra.** Sports bras are a smart first choice because they are easy to shop for and are comfortable as well. They will also offer support for your breasts without being constricting. A training bra is similar to a sports bra in that it is generally made from a breathable cotton-blend fabric and offers comfortable support. However, if you are a larger bust size you may need the support of a traditional, underwire bra.
If you are not sure that you want a bra quite yet, then you may want to consider buying a few camisole tops. These are light shirts made out of soft fabrics, such as cotton, that have bra support built in.
15. **Buy one on your own.** If you feel overwhelmed by the whole process of asking and then shopping, you may just want to go online with your own money and purchase a bra for yourself. Of course, you’ll want to make sure that making this purchase solo will not upset anyone, including your parents. But, you can take your own measurements and then test out at least one option without any pressure.
16. **Get measured by a professional.** Most stores have bra fitters on staff and they will help you by measuring both your bust and band size. Don’t be nervous or embarrassed about allowing them to measure you as they do this for a living and are used to women of all shapes and sizes. They will then help you to select a handful of bras that fit your body and budget.
17. **Check the final fit.** After you have a bra in your hand in the store, try it on in the dressing room and take some time determining how well it fits. You want a bra that does not squeeze you in an uncomfortable way. You will also want to watch to make sure that the straps are not cutting into your shoulders or back.
18. **Consider buying multiples.** You should probably buy a handful of bras, somewhere between four to six, when you decide to start wearing them daily. This will allow you to wash them after wearing and will keep the bras in good condition. Don’t feel as if you need to buy all of these at once, you can add to your undergarment wardrobe over time.
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