text_a: snoots will no doubt rally to its cause , trotting out threadbare standbys like ` masterpiece ' and ` triumph ' and all that malarkey , but rarely does an established filmmaker so ardently waste viewers ' time with a gobbler like this .
text_b: a waterlogged version of ` fatal attraction ' for the teeny-bopper set ... a sad , soggy potboiler that wastes the talents of its attractive young leads .