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Does Sexual Preference Influence Love?

To understand some of what’s involved here let’s first take a look at
a few important questions and some possible, or probable, answers that
have to do with sexual preference. Then we will apply that knowledge to
love.

Question 1. What causes people to have different sexual preferences?

Answer: The preponderance of scientific evidence
points to all sexual preferences – homosexuality, bisexuality,
heterosexuality, transsexuality, etc. as primarily being biologically
predisposed, probably before birth. There is considerable scientific
evidence which shows that atypical gender identity development is
influenced by variations in prenatal hormonal and neurochemical factors,
which also influence the incidence of left-handedness and finger ratio
measurements concordant with sexual preference development.

Furthermore, there are anatomical brain differences, especially in the
central subdivision of the bed nucleus of the stria terminalis, a brain
area vital to varying sexual behavior tendencies. Then there are the
genetic influences illustrated by sexual preference inheritability being
high among monozygotic twins, and less strong but also high among
fraternal twins. Whatever your sexual inclination you were probably
predisposed toward that inclination biologically, probably before birth
according to the preponderance of the most recent scientific research.

Question 2. What is some of the other evidence that tells us biological predisposition is causal?

Answer: First, brain studies show a number of
different parts of the brain of homosexuals, bisexuals, heterosexuals
and transsexuals tend to be different from each another. Especially
different are the parts of the brain known as the corpus callosum,
medial pre-optic nucleus and the hypothalamus. Brain chemistry also is
somewhat different.

Second, over many decades hundreds of well conducted, psychological
studies have been done trying to discover the psychological cause of
homosexuality, and no psychological cause has ever been discovered and
substantiated by replicated research. A number of newer theories still
are under investigation but so far nothing definitive can be said to
have been discovered.

Third, about 10% of most mammals exhibit homosexual preference and
another 15 to 20% exhibit bisexual behavior. Many bird species show
similar results. Bisexual behavior is extremely common among some
mammal species like the bonobo apes. There also are brain differences
in various homosexual, bisexual and heterosexual animals. By the way,
some researchers think there is evidence to support the contention that
bisexuality is on the rise, especially among human females.
Furthermore, there is some evidence to suggest that all people are at
least a little bit bisexual.

Question 3. Why do different sexual preferences exist in nature?

Answer: Nature is all about variety and keeping its
options open. We never know when a variation will turn out to help a
species survive or advance in its development; for instance the
bisexuality of bonobo apes seems to have contributed greatly to solving
the problem of violence within that species. Bonobos when faced with
conflict literally ‘make love not war’. Inter-species aggression so
common among baboons, chimpanzees and humans is virtually nonexistent
among bonobos, who are the most sexual and the most bisexual of us, who
are classed as primates.

It also is to be noted that there are species that change gender, being
female for a while, then male for a while, and being heterosexual part
of their life, and homosexual another part of their life. Likewise,
there are species that are both genders simultaneously. Furthermore,
there is some evidence among humans that in times of war and other great
stressors women give birth to more ‘bisexual and homosexual to be’
children who are then thought to become more tolerant, flexible,
harmonious and generally peaceful in their adulthood than is average
among heterosexuals.

Homosexuals and bisexuals also are thought to give
higher than average child raising supportive and protective care to
their heterosexual brother’s and sister’s children, thus, increasing the
survivability of a family’s genetic line. Consequently homosexuality
and bisexuality give certain of our species a noteworthy evolutionary
advantage.

Question 4. Are there other things that influence the emergence or development of different sexual preferences?

Answer: There is some evidence which would suggest
that some young children may go through a critical period in which
exposure to more or less equally interesting, pleasuring and loving
males and females may influence the early emergence of bisexuality.
Certainly the social acceptability of various sexual preferences causes
especially homosexuals not to try to suppress their emerging sexual
tendencies. In those societies which are strongly anti-homosexual much
greater inner conflict and stress results, which may cause some people
to be able to inactivate their natural predispositions, especially if
their sex drive is not very strong.

Question 5. Are people of one sexual preference or
another more likely to be mentally ill, prone to criminality or
addictions, or in other ways destructive to themselves and society?

Answer: Yes is the arguable answer; and the most
destructive people according to gender preference are – heterosexual.
Actually the differences are fairly negligible according to most
reputable studies. In many cultures men and women who are homosexual
have had far more societal stressors than heterosexuals or bisexuals,
and those stressors are causal in mental and emotional illness and other
dysfunctions for many. In societies much more accepting of people of
different gender preference these problems turn out to be the same or
slightly better than heterosexuals according to several authorities.

Those people who are one gender externally but another gender
internally, like many transsexuals, are likely to experience even more
stressors. Unless their stress coping mechanisms are good they are more
likely to experience one type of dysfunction or another.
Interestingly, highly androgynous people seem to do rather well in life
in most cultures. Hermaphroditic people who have the physiology of both
genders rather equally are too rare to have had significant data
gathered.

Probably not enough good, quality research has been done in this area
and we have more to learn. Your sexual preference makes a difference in
who you are attracted to, who you come to love and make a primary life
partnership with, if you do that. Other than that most studies seem to
point to the idea that being homosexual, or bisexual or heterosexual
doesn’t make much of a difference when it comes to the vast majority of
other varying aspects of life.

Now let’s look at the love factor.Question 6. Does your sexual preference make a difference in how you do love?

Answer: There is some evidence suggesting that
homosexual men and women give more thought to how to do love than the
average heterosexual. Furthermore, those who have sufficient emotional
maturity may do love relating rather better than many heterosexuals.
Both bisexual males and bisexual females actually even may be better at
love. Contrarily, there is some evidence to suggest that homosexuals
who are immature may have a harder time getting beyond romantic
idealization and the many problems that accompany it.

Strongly bisexual
males and females seem to have a somewhat harder time than homosexuals
or heterosexuals when, and if, they attempt to be monogamous. However,
if their primary mate relationship compatibly allows for some
multi-person involvement they are thought to do better than average
according to several researchers who study this sort of thing. For the
most part, homosexuals, bisexuals and heterosexuals demonstrate the same
range of behaviors when attempting to do a love relationship. All do
better to about the same degree when they learn more about how love is
healthfully given and received.

Question 7. How do people of different sexual preferences do at family and child love?

Answer: The evidence points to homosexual couples
working harder than heterosexual couples at doing family love and child
love well. Consequently they get better results in most areas
measured. Other forms of sexual preference have not been studied
sufficiently but there is some evidence which suggests bisexual people
do no worse and possibly a little better than the average heterosexual.

Question 8. How do people of different sexual preferences do at healthy self-love?

Answer: Because of societal condemnation, and
especially judgmentalism and condemnation in religious communities
homosexuals have had a terrible time developing sufficient healthy
self-love. Self-hate, self rejection, low self esteem, escapist
addictions and suicide have been measured as quite high, although now
with more social acceptance and more available support networks these
problems are reducing. In those cultures where different sexuality is
common and accepted these problems for the most part don’t exist in
larger percentages than is true of heterosexuals. Even though bisexuals
have been able to ‘hide out’ in heterosexual communities they have
exhibited some of these self love problems also.

Question 9. Is there any reason to believe that
people of one sexual preference or another will naturally or
automatically do healthy, real love relating better or worse than people
of other sexual preferences.

Answer: No!

Question 10. Do people of one sexual preference or another do spiritual love better or worse than people of other sexual preferences?

Answer: People who have more stressors, and
difficulties and differences than average go looking for help and
answers more than is typical. That often includes searching into
religion and spiritual matters. Homosexuals, and bisexuals and other
people with sexual differences have to cope with more stressors when
they live in sexually, anti-democratic, social environments. Therefore,
it is thought a fair number of these people search for spiritual
solutions and spiritual development more than the average person does.

Those who search tend to find and, therefore, grow their abilities in
spirituality. Homosexuals living in sexually anti-democratic societies
especially run into lots of social and sometimes religious prejudice,
rejection, hate, pseudo-love and related difficulties. Consequently
they often turn away from organized religion and toward independent
spirituality. Other than that there does not seem to be much of a
spirituality difference between heterosexuals, homosexuals, bisexuals,
and other sexualities.

Among people who give arduous study to these sort of things there is
this conclusion – the love of life, the love of nature, the love of a
deity, the love of fellow humans and all other forms of love can be just
as strong and done just as well by people of one sexual preference as
it is of another.

As always – Go and Grow with Love

Dr. J. Richard Cookerly

♥ Love Success QuestionCan you give and receive family love and friendship love equally to people of all different sexual persuasions?

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