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Monday, July 17, 2017

Crucial
Conversations by Kerry Patterson, Joseph
Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler is the book that covers the curriculum of
the Construction Law Class’s third module at BYU Idaho. This paper will
summarize the book; then, the author will commit himself to improving his
communication skills based on the concepts taught in the book. The following
subjects, summarizing the literature of the book, are as listed: the definition
of Crucial Conversations, the Pool of Shared Meaning, self-awareness within
conversations, awareness of others’ behaviors within unsafe conversations,
restoration of safety, a path to the resolution of personal Stories, a method
to address Crucial Conversations with others, the conversion of a conversation
into action, and the integration of all of the principles in individual's lives.
The teaching of this book are very applicable to man’s life because the skills
overcome the weakness of humanity. The author of this paper will explain how he
will master crucial conversations after summarizing the book.

A
Crucial Conversation is the term given by the authors to establish the topic of
the book. It is important to gain skill in these conversations because most people
lose control of themselves when they come up. Crucial Conversations arise when
opinions differ, emotions untemper, and stakes rear. The terminology is this
literature is not too unique.

The
authors set forth the phrase Pool of Shared Meaning to build understanding.
When people associate with each other, people have a shared Pool of Meaning. The
depth of it is based on how safe the people feel together. The Pool of Shared
Meaning is the combination of people's thoughts and ideas. The reaction of
people to unsafe situations are violence or silence. Violence is verbal abuse
usually, and silence is a withdrawal of individuals input. Self-awareness, when
people contribute to a Pool of Shared Meaning, is important because people’s
comfort depends of each individuals’ participation.

People
are very habitual, and their relationship to a Pool of Meaning may not be as
they intend. Self-awareness can help reduce individuals’ faulty habits.
Self-awareness requires a higher level of consciousness as do true
conversations. When people converse by habits, they do not truly listen,
sympathizing with each other. We must get over automating thoughts and
projecting our motives on people. One must be sincere with oneself, evaluating
their personal motives. People feel unsafe when an individuals’ habits are
automated, and they try to manipulate other people’s behavior. Other tendencies
that we should be careful of is personal pride. Do not seek to raise personal
intelligence above others by trying to “win” a conversation or seeking revenge.
People need to avoid the “Sucker’s Choice”, when people feel that they need to
be violent or silent. There is a third option to consider solutions through
dialogue. Think of a solution to the situation, which is making you react
violently or silently. The way that we handle ourselves is important, and we
can use our skills to handle conversations with other people too.

Another
rise in an individual’s consciousness is the awareness of others. The book calls
to watch the contents and the conditions of the Pool of Shared Meaning and
conversations. The content of a conversation is easily understood as the topics
and the precepts of the discussion. The condition of a conversation may not be
easy to understand without clarification. The condition of a conversation
eludes to the feel among the people. The most important part of the condition is
the feeling of safety. Be aware of the signs that indicate that the
conversation may become crucial. The signs are very subtle, but there is a
different demeanor in individuals when the condition of safety has been pushed
too much. It may be seen in their tone of voice or behavior.

When
people feel unsafe, they usually go in to a violent or silent mode. The most
common three ways that silence are expressed are masking, avoiding, and
withdrawing. Masking is the behavior of downplaying or hiding parts of
individual’s true opinion. Sarcasm is a type of masking. Avoiding the Crucial
Conversation is not a physical but a verbal avoidance of the sensitive
subjects. Withdrawal is a physical pulling out of a conversation. It may
include leaving the room or withdrawing participation in the conversation.
There are also three common ways of verbal violence. They include the following
types of violence: controlling, labeling, and attacking. Controlling involves
pressuring people to think a specific way. Labeling is stereotyping or
categorizing in a dismissive attitude. Attacking entails belittling and
threatening. We should learn to sight these offenses in people’s conduct before
the conversation turns crucial.

When
these acts of violence and silence arise between people, it is important to
address the problem directly with sincerity. The development of mutual purpose
and respect is important to restore safety. Seek unity in the conversation.
Apologies can be helpful, and contrasting can make the desires of individuals
clear. Form “I don’t” or “I do want” statements to understand each other with
contrasting. The authors of the book developed the acronym of CRIB to help
people remember a recommended path to mutual purpose. The CRIB acronym
symbolizes the following words: Commit to Mutual Purpose, Recognize the Purpose
behind the Strategy, Invent a Mutual Purpose, and Brainstorm New Strategies.
Strategy is a term of the book’s authors to distinguish the difference between of
our desires and the method to achieve our desires. When we discover the purpose
behind our strategies we can create a mutual purpose, seeking a method to
accomplish it. In order to restore respect, we need to practice forgiveness and
repentance.

Stories
are a term of the book’s authors to teach us that one can misunderstand facts,
getting emotionally driven by their delusion. Stories can result in violence
and silence. We would again need to raise self-awareness. If one retraces how
they got to their story, re-evaluating their facts, they can de-escalate their
emotions and take control of their story. A healthy conversation about a
situation especially when it involves other people can solve issues. The
authors of Crucial Conversations developed another acronym of STATE to help
people de-escalate emotions, opinions, and stakes. The STATE acronym involves
the following steps: Sharing your facts, Telling your story, Asking for others’
paths, Talking Tentatively, and Encouraging testing. The first three are
self-explanatory; therefore, only the last two steps will be explained.
Tentative talk of a story is the recognition that the story is not fact in
conversation. Testing stories from facts can bring clarity and a broader
understanding of the situation, letting wiser decisions to be made.

Another
acronym that the Crucial Conversations’ authors came up with to help us resolve
dilemmas with others is AMPP. The
acronym AMPP symbolizes the following steps: Ask to get things rolling, Mirror
to confirm feelings, Paraphrase to acknowledge the story, and Prime when you
are getting nowhere. These steps are skills of listening. It requires
sincerity. The people that this method is supposed to be used on are violent
and silent, needing safety and trust restored. Ask to get things rolling is an
invitation for them to express themselves. If they do, sympathize with them. A
sign and skill of listening is paraphrasing the story to get mutual understanding.
Priming is a guess at what silent people are thinking to get things started,
but this practice should not be the first step. It is after the first three
steps fail. After the conversation is started, the ABC acronym is used to solve
the problem; standing for Agree, Build, and Compare. Agree is the agreeing on
facts; then, build upon to fill in the issues of fact until the parties are
united. When disagreement continues, a comparison of paths is important rather
than deem them as wrong. The book recommends that you practice the STATE
acronym at that point.

As
people participate in a Pool of Shared Meaning people feel an ownership in the
pool. People need to be careful of making decisions based on the Pool of
Meaning if individuals are left out of the decision process. The decision
process should be decided upon before the decision is made. The main methods of
decision are command, consult, vote, and consensus. Be careful of the feelings
of each party member. Voting begets winners and losers.

There
are seven principles to the Crucial Conversations book, and its authors found
that people that successfully implement the discipline do two at a time until
it is habitual. The first level is to apply CRIB or STATE to oneself, and the
second level seek safety in their conversations. The author of the paper has
personally used AMPP on his social network pages to get feedback. The audience
can be silent especially because the page shares an article every two hours. The
author as the administrator of the social network guessed at what the audience
was thinking, asking for feedback. A sister gave good feedback, saying that the
content was hard to keep up with for the audience. The administrator found
another way to share all the content effectively in one post. The administrator
has always wanted to expand the page’s influence to other popular social
networks, and the simplification found from the feedback enables all the
desired social network pages to be active.

The
author of the paper’s plan is to apply two of the seven principles as the
authors of the book recommend for success. The author plans to not fall into
the “Sucker’s Choice” of silence or violence, but I will find the third option.
Secondly, the author would like to master CRIB to have more productive
relationships with other people. He is grateful for the self-awareness that the
book has raised in his life, planning to refer to and study the book as a
Crucial Conversations reference manual.