CALGARY – With low oil prices hurting the economy, the Canadian oilsands industry has invested heavily in a new alternative form of energy production through gasoline-fueled wind turbines.

“It’s a real win-win for both environmentalists and the industry that we’re trying to keep alive,” said Bennett Hubble for the Canadian Association of Petroleum Producers. “Green energy advocates want to see more of these turbines and we want to see these turbines use the products we produce.”

According to the CAPP, this non-renewable form of renewable energy is expected to employ tens of thousands of workers and grow Alberta’s economy.

“Gas-powered generators produce their own kinetic energy even when there is no wind thanks to its large combustible engine that consumes 5 gallons of gasoline per revolution.”

Larger, diesel-fueled wind turbines are also in the works while pipelines are being constructed to fuel the generators directly from the refinery.

“Wind turbines that are powered by fossil fuels can go up to 20 times faster than those powered only by wind and is more effective at helping farmers eliminate pesky migratory bird problems.”

In related news, the federal government has announced that it will immediately subsidize construction of the turbines, in addition to coal-fired solar panels for the next 50 years.