Unfortunately, racism is everywhere, and many people hold race-based prejudices without even realizing it. The society you live in and the people you spend time with can both contribute to the development of conscious or unconscious biases. The good news is that, no matter how old you are, you can learn to avoid prejudice and cultivate an accepting mindset. Start by recognizing the many forms racism can take. After that, work on developing inclusive behaviors, and learn how to deal with the racist people in your life.

Steps

Method1

Dealing with Racist People

1

Assert your boundaries. Know where your boundaries are, and decide what you’ll do if someone crosses them. Let the people in your life know what kind of behavior you expect from them.[1]

For instance, if you’re hosting a family gathering and some of your relatives are using racial slurs, you could say, “I don’t find that language acceptable. Please don’t talk like that in my house.”

2

Question the racists in your life. Ask something like, “Why do you say that?” Their answer may reveal where their prejudice is coming from. Alternately, they may realize they’re being racist and back down, rather than defend their comment.[2]

Asking questions is usually a better tactic than arguing. If you start arguing right away, the person will probably dig in their heels and deny they said anything wrong. Asking questions can also help to keep you calm and prevent things from becoming too heated.

If the person is receptive, you may be able to explain why their comment was racist. Don’t waste your time trying to educate people who are unwilling to listen, though. Also, consider whether the person may be using racism and racist comments to get attention. It’s best to ignore these people as well.

3

Avoid laughing at racist jokes. You’re not obligated to laugh politely at a joke you find offensive, even if everybody else is. Staying quiet and not cracking a smile will let the joke-teller know where you stand.[3]

However, if the joke was about someone who is with you at the time, then make sure that you speak up about why you find the joke unacceptable. Don’t try to speak for the person. Just say why you find the joke offensive.

If you know the person who told the joke, consider telling them why you don’t find it funny.

4

Avoid spending time with racist people. If certain friends or family members always have something negative to say about people of other races, limit the time you spend around them. Seek out the company of people whose ideas you respect and want to emulate instead.[4]

Decide on what you will say and how you will say it if they say something about your increased absence.

5

Find ways to fight racism. Look for concrete steps you can take to fight racism in your social circle and your community. Stand up for people who experience racism, take their experiences seriously, and get involved in anti-racist community events and programs.[5]

If you are not a member of a marginalized race, be thoughtful and respectful of the people who do experience racism. Don’t try to speak for them or draw the spotlight onto yourself.

Method2

Broadening Your Horizons

1

Spend time with people who are different from you. Seek out friends and acquaintances from diverse racial, cultural, and religious backgrounds. You’ll be less likely to be influenced by racist ideas if you know and respect people of other races in your personal life.[6]

As you develop close friendships with people, you can ask them about their experiences with racism to gain new perspectives on it. Listen carefully and don’t dispute them when they share their experiences.

Be aware, however, that having friends of other races isn’t enough by itself to prevent you from being racist. If your friends of color do not speak with you about racism, then you have acquaintances and not friends.

2

Be interested in others. Instead of making judgments about others, cultivate a sense of curiosity about what their lives are like. Ask questions and keep an open mind about the answers you get.[7]

For example, you might say, "I noticed the unique pattern on your scarf. Does that represent your cultural background? I'd love to know more about it."

3

Empathize with others. Instead of assuming that you could never understand someone, try putting yourself in their shoes. Imagine what it would be like to live their life. Look for similarities between your own experience and theirs.[8]

Empathizing is especially effective when you combine it with curiosity. You’ll probably find that you have a lot in common with others, regardless of race.

4

Recognize and celebrate differences. Don’t try to pretend race doesn’t exist, or it will become the elephant in the room. Avoid claiming that you’re color-blind. Race often has a profound impact on a person’s life, and it’s important – not racist – to acknowledge this.[9] Acknowledge and celebrate the differences that you have with other people and speak openly about the richness that diversity brings.

Telling someone that you don’t think of them as being part of a minority group is often insulting and hurtful, even if you don’t mean it that way. It implies that you think they are somehow “better” than other members of their group, and it dismisses the unique problems they may face as a minority.

5

Apologize sincerely if your words or actions have hurt someone. When you’re in the wrong, swallow your pride and admit it. Ask the person you hurt to forgive you, and let them know that you won’t make the mistake again.[10]

For instance, say something like, “Anthony, I’m really sorry that I made that racist joke last week. I didn’t realize that it would hurt your feelings, but now I see why jokes like that aren’t funny.”

Don’t expect your relationship with the person to go back to normal immediately. It may take some time for them to trust you again.

Method3

Recognizing Racism

1

Be willing to own your mistakes. If someone tells you that you’ve said or done something racist, listen to them instead of becoming defensive. Acknowledge that you may have some biases you weren’t aware of. Look at your mistakes as opportunities to learn to treat others more equitably.[11]

2

Examine your own biases. Be honest with yourself about your thoughts and beliefs. Ask yourself whether you have prejudiced thoughts about any group of people.[12]

Prejudice doesn’t just involve using derogatory language or excluding others. Making assumptions or behaving a little differently around people of other races can also indicate prejudice.

For instance, if you cross the street or put a protective hand over your purse when you encounter someone of another race, the behavior is probably rooted in prejudice.

Don’t let guilt or shame stop you from recognizing any biases you have. You’ve got to acknowledge a problem before you can fix it.

Take some time to consider how your prejudices may have developed. Does your family also hold these views? Did your peer group contribute to these views? Did your views come from societal messages? Taking the time to reflect on where your views might have come from can help you to understand yourself better and make changes in your life.

3

Learn to identify systematic racism. Racism is built into many established institutions. It exists in the educational, economic, political, and legal spheres, to name only a few. Learning about the racial biases in society’s systems will help you spot faulty and prejudiced thinking when you come across it.[13]

Redlining, the practice of refusing loans, insurance, or other services to residents of non-white neighborhoods, is one example of systematic racism.[14]

4

Distinguish between prejudice and racism. Many people use the words prejudice and racism interchangeably, but they aren’t actually the same. Prejudice is the act of judging a person negatively based on a factor like race, even if you don’t know them. Racism, on the other hand, is a system that limits minority groups’ access to important resources.[15]

Resources include things like health care, housing, jobs, and education.

Prejudice occurs at an individual level, while racism occurs at a societal level.