“There is no easy way to be a survivor. If I only tell you about the pain, I fear I will perpetuate toxic stereotypes of the victim who is broken.But if I share with you only about my healing, I fear you will believe that time heals trauma, that healing is linear, and that it will minimize the damage of sexual assault.”
-Sarah Super

“In 1996, Thordis Elva shared a teenage romance with Tom Stranger, an exchange student from Australia. After a school dance, Tom raped Thordis, after which they parted ways for many years. In this extraordinary talk, Elva and Stranger move through a years-long chronology of shame and silence, and invite us to discuss the omnipresent global issue of sexual violence in a new, honest way. For a Q&A with the speakers, visit go.ted.com/thordisandtom.”

Important Definitions

- Sexual assault: any unwanted/non-consensual sexual activity. More information here.
- Rape: Sexual assault involving penetration.
- Consent: affirmative, sober, voluntary, unambiguous, verbal permission to engage in a specific sexual activity at a certain time. It can be withdrawn at any time and cannot be assumed under any circumstances. More information here.
- Trigger: anything that reminds a person of a traumatic memory in someone who has experienced trauma, often related to the five senses. They can cause flashbacks, anxiety, feeling disconnected, anger, feeling defensive, tenseness, feeling negative thoughts, etc. More information here.
- Rape Culture: a culture in which rape is pervasive and normalized due to societal attitudes about gender and sexuality. Examples here.