Dores said parents or caregivers need to be firm, set boundaries, but be kind, which means to do it in a respectful way.

"I'm hearing about children who come to school with no discipline or believe the world is owed to them. I've observed parents and friends who are overly strict and sometimes nasty, or overly kind and permissive," Dores said.

"We are raising a generation of kids who don't have the skills they need to be successful. We're overparenting them and doing our kids a disservice."

The approach is based on Jane Nelsen's "Positive Discipline" books and has been around for 30 years, Dores said, but is expanding exponentially now.

"This thinking is a way of looking at kids. It's really the way the mental-health field is moving, away from negative or punitive punishment or behavior modification," said Charles Manos, a psychologist and director of special services for Brookfield schools.

"The point is that if you understand the basic drives and needs of a child, and not just react to the behavior, it will be more effective than if you just deal with the behaviors," Manos said.

"It's a more thoughtful, mindful and reflective approach."

For instance, parents are typically told to ignore a child having a temper tantrum, but this model would have a parent hug the child instead, he said, because obviously the child needs something.

Dores said she learned about a nursery school child with behavioral issues. His teacher gave him a carpet square where he could stand to stamp his feet until he regained his self-control and was allowed rejoin the group.

She said he learned to recognize that he was angry and to take himself away from the group until he was in control of his feelings.

Two principal tenets of the program are responding in an empathetic way to a child and asking questions without reacting negatively, Manos said.

Asking and empathy show a child you understand, which helps build trust and mutual respect and lowers his defenses, Manos said.

The foundation of this approach comes from psychologist Alfred Adler's work, Manos said.

It was the direction the Brookfield schools were moving, but this training will offer other people ways to reinforce it, he said.

Allison Fulton, executive director of the Housatonic Valley Coalition Against Substance Abuse, was among 28 community members, including 10 public school educators, who took the two-day training last month.

Positive Discipline of Western Connecticut will provide child-raising classes to parents, caregivers, educators and youth development workers using Positive Discipline skills.

"Philosophically, our organization is always looking for ways to help kids stay away from drugs and alcohol and ways to keep the communication open between parents and their children," Fulton said.

"We want to teach healthy boundaries and expectations."

Instead of trying to change behaviors, the goal is to teach children to do the right thing, Fulton said. "This is an important approach to learn about."