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Ernest Schaal and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team
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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
VOL. 93.
NOVEMBER 12, 1887.


                      THE LETTER-BAG OF TOBY, M.P.

                      FROM A HOME-SICK SECRETARY.

                                           _By Guildford, Saturday._

[Illustration: D]EAR TOBY,

I HOPE you will forgive my not being more precise as to my whereabouts.
The fact is if I can get away from London for a day or two without
leaving my address, I am only too glad to do so. I was at the Cabinet
Council on Thursday, afterwards ran down here, _et j'y reste_, at any
rate over Sunday. I am getting more and more tired of London, and the
office sardonically called "Home." It has never been a sweet
resting-place, and of late has grown absolutely intolerable. I used once
to have Sunday to myself; but now, owing to the new-born church-going
fervour of the Unemployed, Sunday is the worst day of the week. So when
opportunity offers, as just now, I cut the whole business and get me
into the sweet seclusion of Surrey.

I see by the papers that I am about to resign office, and retire into
that private life, upon which during the past twelve months I have
looked back with increasing affection. Perhaps the statement is true,
and perhaps the Markiss would say it is "not authentic." We shall see.
In the mean time, at this distance from Parliament Street, I get the
advantage of perspective in regarding the office of Home Secretary. Down
here it seems odd enough that it should be so much hankered after by men
of various temperaments. H-NRY J-M-S wanted it at the time H-RC-RT
secured it. It had a strange fascination for L-WE, and I am disclosing
no secret when I mention that my old friend and patron, GR-ND-LPH,
fancies it would suit him down to the ground. I only wish he would try
it. If I were certain that he would come in, it might have some effect
in hastening my decision on the question of resignation. Of course
GR-ND-LPH and I remain on terms of friendliest regard. I am indebted to
him for a sudden promotion exceeding the hopes of the most sanguine
politician. Still, I would like to see him at the Home Office, if only
for a short six months. He is serenely confident he could grapple with
the situation. JOHNNY RUSSELL was quite a nervous, modest person,
compared with GR-ND-LPH. I should really like to see my old friend in my
old chair.

The post, of course, has its attractions. It is no small thing to be
principal Secretary of State