



Produced by Punch, or the London Charivari, Malcolm Farmer
and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at
http://www.pgdp.net







PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

VOL. 109.

SEPTEMBER 21, 1895.




[Illustration: IN THE VESTRY.

_Strange Minister_ (_to Elder_). "DO YOU COME UP TO THE PULPIT FOR
THE COLLECTION?"

_Elder._ "NA, NA. WE'RE NO PARTICKLER TO A BAWBEE _HERE!_"]

       *       *       *       *       *

THE END OF GEORGIE'S AND JACKY'S HOLIDAYS.

(_A Second Extract from the Note-Book of Mr. Barlow the Younger._)

Now that the summer vacation is drawing rapidly to a close, it may
be as well to record the end of the holidays of my two interesting
charges, GEORGIE and JACKY. Some little time since
I wrote the story of one of their exploits. The two lads do not
live a very eventful life even in their hours of recreation. During
the mid-annual recess I usually choose some delightful spot for our
temporary home, combining the joint charms of change of scene and
increased economy. The fashionable watering-place of Drainville-on-Sea
has a suburb in which apartments may be obtained at a very reasonable
figure. The reason for this lowness of price is no doubt to be traced
to the fact that many of the residences are in the habitation of the
superfluous live stock of a very prosperous pork merchant, having
his house of business in the neighbourhood. However, in spite of our
distance from Drainville-on-Sea, my lads have been fairly contented
with their lot. They have been able to fish, to climb trees, and to
take long walks.

[Illustration]

"Revered Sir," said, on one occasion, GEORGIE, who is
generally accepted as the spendthrift of my brace of students, "it
would give great pleasure to JACKY if you were kindly to give
me a shilling with which to purchase Japanese caramel cannon-balls. I
have reasons for believing that his medical attendant, Dr. COFFYN
BLOCKHEAD, considers that this delicious sweetstuff, or, I should
say, pleasing physic, would be of much benefit to him."

"Why is the lad ill?" I asked, with an anxiety tempered with
incredulity.

"No, revered Sir," promptly replied GEORGIE; "and I fancy
that Dr. COFFYN BLOCKHEAD regards the composition, which may
be obtained at a penny the ounce, or two ounces for three halfpence,
rather as a preventative than a curative. Were JACKY to
have a shilling's-worth, he would not only possess enough to ward
off the shaft of the destroyer himself, but would be able to give
me a sufficient quantity to parry the insidious dart of disease;
and that you might be satisfied that the money was expended in the
life-protecting compound in question, _I_ would willingly undertake to
make the purchase."

Here JACKY protested that he was quite old and conscientious
enough to be trusted with the cash himself.

"Not that I have any doubt of my respected comrade's probity," he
quickly added; "but in matters of business one cannot be too careful."

"My dear pupils," said I, "nothing would give me greater pleasure than
to accede to your request, had I the means at hand. I fancy, in spite
of the opinion of Dr. COFFYN BLOCKHEAD--a physician whose name
I now hear for the first time--that I should have to consider the cost
of Japanese caramel cannon-balls as an incident properly chargeable to
pocket-money. Unfortunately you both exhausted that fund a fortnight
since, by causing me to defray the expenses of a donkey ride, which
mounted up in the aggregate to no less an amount than one shilling and
eightpence halfpenny."

"But surely, revered Sir," suggested GEORGIE, who has a bent
for mathematics; "as our parents allow us half-a-sovereign a week each
for the purposes of recreation, the sum you mention, although not
inconsiderable, would scarcely have----"

"Stop!" I cried, with some show of severity; "you really must not argue
with me. I do not give you all your ten shillings a week, as I am
reserving a portion of them to form the nucleus of an old-age pension
to which you will become entitled on reaching eighty. The scheme is not
without complications, so I reserve its description in detail until you
are both old enough to understand it. Enough to say that I must repeat
the present advance of a shilling is impossible."

After this rebuff the lads were silent, and I regret to say not
altogether contented. However, they soon, with the elasticity of
youth, regained their spirits, and were as merry and as happy as
ever. They absented themselves from my society more frequently than
before, and when I saw them, seemed to be unusually prosperous, or to
use an expressive colloquialism, "flush of money." GEORGIE
continually appeared in gigantic collars that could have only been
acquired at considerable expense, and JACKY as often carried
a new walking-stick with a fairly costly handle. On one occasion they
came home with a gift for me. It was a mug with a rough sketch of a
mule or some less noble animal on the side balancing the handle, and
was labelled "A Present from Drainville-on-Sea." I was gratified, but
my satisfaction savoured of curiosity.

During the absence of my pupils I frequently visited the neighbouring
watering-place. Amongst the many distractions of the sands was one
"entertainment" which caused me considerable embarrassment. Two
"mysterious minstrels" disguised in wideawakes, blue spectacles, and
comforters occasionally made what is known as a "dead set" at me. These
vocalists (who were small, but noisy), did a roaring trade amongst the
excursionists. They seemed to have a long _repertoire_ of songs. They
vocally narrated the adventures of a young person from the country,
who seemingly, with a view to enjoying the restorative effects of
sea-bathing, appeared with "her hair hanging down her back," and the
vagaries of a body of revellers who preferred to parade the streets
"nine in a row," instead of in couples or singly, when they were in a
condition subsequently recognised by the presiding magistrate with a
fine of five shillings. These ditties were not altogether unamusing,
and I might have enjoyed them had they not been supplemented by a song
dealing personally with myself. This last effort was mere doggerel,
but it was so insulting that I was forced to give the vocalists into
custody. I explained that the