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   CONTINUOUS VAUDEVILLE


   [Illustration: CONTINUOUS
   VAUDEVILLE

   BY
   WILL M. CRESSY]




   CONTINUOUS
   VAUDEVILLE

   BY
   WILL M. CRESSY

   _With Illustrations by_
   _HAL MERRITT_

   [Illustration]

   BOSTON: RICHARD G. BADGER
   TORONTO: THE COPP CLARK CO., LIMITED




   Copyright, 1914, by Richard G. Badger

   All Rights Reserved

   THE GORHAM PRESS, BOSTON, U. S. A.




INTRODUCTION


When you go into a Continuous Vaudeville Theater you expect to see and
hear a little of everything. You see a lot of poor acts, a few good ones
and two or three _real_ good ones. In seeking a suitable title for this
book it struck us that that description would fit it exactly; so we will
christen it--

CONTINUOUS VAUDEVILLE.




CONTENTS


                                                        PAGE

   THE OLD STAGE DOOR TENDER                              13

   IT'S HARD TO MAKE THE OLD FOLKS BELIEVE IT             22

   UNION LABOR                                            28

   MARTIN LEHMAN GOES TO NEW YORK                         30

   SOME HOTEL WHYS                                        43

   IT ISN'T THE COAT THAT MAKES THE MAN                   45

   ONE-NIGHT-STAND ORCHESTRAS                             48

   "HEART INTEREST"                                       57

   TOMMIE RYAN'S HORSE                                    60

   VAUDEVILLE VS. THE LEGITIMATE                          70

   A SOCIAL SESSION                                       75

   BIGALOW AND THE BIG SIX                                81

   NEVER AGAIN                                            90

   THE ARTISTIC TEMPERAMENT                               93

   HOW MIKE DONLIN SHRUNK                                104

   A NIGHT IN BOHEMIA                                    109

   BREAKS                                                120

   THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN NEW YORK AND CANANDAIGUA       123

   LET US HOPE                                           127

   THE OLD SHIP OF ZION                                  130

   FIREMAN, SAVE MY CHILD                                137

   PLAYING THE ENGLISH MUSIC HALLS                       140

   "WOODIE"                                              151

   A CORK MAN                                            153

   THE TROUBLES OF THE LAUGH GETTERS                     159

   ASLEEP WITH HER SWITCH                                165

   I JOIN THE SUFFRAGETTES                               168

   THE PERILS OF A GREAT CITY                            174

   DO YOU BELIEVE IN SIGNS?                              177

   CLOSING NUMBER                                        180




ILLUSTRATIONS


   _Mag Haggerty's Horse_                                 60

   _"Shun Licker"_                                        64

   _The Widow's Mite_                                     66

   _Far from Home and Kindred_                            69

   _"Why?"_                                               74

   _"Time All Open. Indefinite"_                          78

   _"Good Morning"_                                       90

   _It Isn't the Coat that Makes the Man_                107

   _"Vengeance is Mine"_                                 117

   _One Sure (?) Fire Revolver_                          118

   _"Give 'Em the Gravy"_                                121

   _The Band of Hope_                                    127

   _The Cressys in Ireland_                              153

   _Playing Hoboken_                                     161

   _Carrying "The Old Man" with Her_                     162

   _"Bring Her Hither"_                                  172

   _The Perils of a Great City_                          174




CONTINUOUS VAUDEVILLE




THE OLD STAGE DOOR TENDER


Naturally if you are going back on the stage to get acquainted with its
people, the first chap you are going to meet is the old Stage Door
Tender. You will find him at every stage door, sitting there in his old
arm chair, calm, quiet, doing nothing; he is a man of few words; he has
heard actors talk so much that he has got discouraged. He sees the same
thing every week; he sees them come in on Monday and go out on Saturday;
the same questions, the same complaints, the same kicks. So he just sits
there watching, waiting and observing.

He seldom speaks, but when he does, he generally says something.

       *       *       *       *       *

At the Orpheum Theater in Des Moines there was an old fellow who looked
so much like the character I portray in "Town Hall To-night" that
everybody used to call him "Cressy." Finally we came there to play and
he heard everybody call me "Cressy." He pondered over this for a day or
two, then he came over to me one afternoon and said,

"What do you suppose they call you and I 'Cressy' for?"

He expressed his opinion of actors in general about as concisely as I
ever heard any one do; I asked him what he really thought of actors; and
with a contemptuous sniff he replied,

"I don't."

       *       *       *       *       *

Nobody in the world could ever convince "Old George" on the stage door
of the San Francisco Orpheum that that house would survive a year
without his guiding hand and brain. Old George was hired by John
Morrisey, the house manager, while Mr. Myerfelt, the president of the
Orpheum Company, was abroad. George's instructions were to admit no one
back on the stage without a written order from Mr. Morrisey. A month or
so afterwards Mr. Myerfelt returned and started to go back on the
stage.

"Here, here," said Old George; "where are you going?"

"I am going up on the stage," said Mr. M.

"You are not," said George, barring the way, "without a pass from Mr.
Morrisey."

"What are you talking about?" demanded Mr. M. "I am Mr. Myerfelt, the
President of the Orpheum Company."

"Yis, and I am King George, The Prisidint of this Door; and me orders is
that no one goes through here without a pass from Mr. Morrisey. And
there is nobody goes through."

So deadly earnest is Old George in this matter that, should it be
absolutely necessary for him to leave the door for a moment, he has
bought himself a little child's-size slate upon which he writes out a
detailed account of where he has gone, and why, and how soon he will be
back.

"Gone to get a drink of water. Be back in a minute. George."

"Gone out in front to ask Mr. Morrisey a question. Be back in three
minutes. George."

"Helping fill Miss Kellerman's tank; don't know how long. George."

"Inside watching Banner of Light Act. George."

This "Banner of Light" act was Louie Fuller's "Ballet of Light,"
consisting of eight bare-legged girls dancing on big sheets of glass set
into the floor of the stage. George would go in under the stage and
watch the act up through these sheets of glass.

He said it was the best act that was ever in the house--for him.

       *       *       *       *       *

Old "Con" Murphy was on the stage door of the Boston Theater for
eighteen years; his hours were from 9 A. M. to 11 P. M., with an hour
off for dinner and an hour for supper.

The theater faces on Washington Street and the stage door is on Mason
Street. For eighteen years Con sat in that Mason Street door and only
saw Washington Street once in all that time.

One day Eugene Tompkins, the owner of the theater, came along, stopped,
thought a minute, then said,

"Con, how long have you been here?"

"Sixteen years, come August," said Con.

"Ever had a vacation?"

"No, sor."

Tompkins looked at his watch; it was ten minutes of twelve. "Well, Con,"
he said, "when you go out to dinner, you stay out; don't come back
until to-morrow morning. Then come and tell me what you did."

Con put on his coat and went out; out to the first vacation he had had
in sixteen years; the first opportunity to see what this city he lived
in looked like. The first chance he had had in sixteen years