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 [Illustration:

            WILL ROSSITER’S
             TALKALOGUES
      BY THE WORLD’S BEST WRITERS

   J. S. OGILVIE         57 ROSE STREET
   PUBLISHING COMPANY    NEW YORK
 ]

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                            WILL ROSSITER’S

                                ORIGINAL
                              TALKALOGUES.

                                   BY

                            AMERICAN JOKERS.

                                -------

                  (COPYRIGHT, 1903, BY WILL ROSSITER.)

                                -------

                               NEW YORK:
                   J. S. OGILVIE PUBLISHING COMPANY,
                            57 ROSE STREET.




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                            PUBLISHER’S NOTE


                    If at times you’re feeling blue,
                  Take this book and read it through;
                    Pass it on to friend or brother;
                     For yourself—just buy another!




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                                Contents


               TALKALOGUES                           9-33
                            _By E. P. Moran_

               MORE TALKALOGUES                     34-38
                          _By Joseph Horrigan_

               LOVE AND LAGER BEER                     38
                        _By Leontine Stanfield_

               THE MAN FROM SQUASHOPOLIS            40-49
                          _By Harry L. Newton_

               THE PACIFIC <DW72>                    49-60
                          _By Harry L. Newton_

               WOULDN’T GOLF DIALECT DO?            60-62

               SOME WESTERN STORIES                 62-64

               HAPPENINGS IN KEROSENELAMPVILLE      64-67

               BITS OF VERSE AND PROSE              68-72
                         _By Edwards & Ronney_

               RAPID FIRE                           73-85
                          _By Harry L. Newton_

               “A ROSE BY ANY OTHER NAME”              86

               AN ORIGINAL HABEAS CORPUS CASE       87-89

               LI HUNG CHANG’S JOKE                    89

               FIFTEEN MINUTES WITH A PLAYWRIGHT    90-95
                          _By Harry L. Newton_

               POPULAR SONGS APPROPRIATELY APPLIED     96




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                            WILL ROSSITER’S

                                Original
                              Talkalogues


Well, well! here we are again! I just did manage to get here on time,
too. I never thought I’d be able to do it in the world. My wife and I
were out riding in our automobile, and we got into a heated argument as
to which of us was the better chauffeur. During the excitement of the
argument we both neglected to hold the lines of the automobile, and it
shied at a piece of paper and ran away.

Instinct told us both to make a grab, I for the lever and she for my
hair. Just then the automobile struck the curb-stone, and my wife and I
had a “falling out.”

[Illustration:

  My wife and I had a “falling out.”
]

There I was, several miles from the theater, with a broken-down
automobile and an angry wife that wouldn’t speak to me. Wasn’t that
suffering for you? I felt sure that I could make it to the theater all
right, but I didn’t know whether I’d have time to “make up” or not.

This trying to please a woman is a tough game. I tell you, ladies, the
trouble is the men don’t know just how to take their wives