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[Illustration: _"Why it_ is, _a large fried egg," said Billy,
                 excitedly_.--Page 47. Frontispiece.]


BILLY BOUNCE

by

W. W. DENSLOW and DUDLEY A. BRAGDON

Pictures by Denslow







G. W. Dillingham Co.
Publishers New York

Copyright 1906 by W. W. Denslow
All rights reserved.

Issued September, 1906.




             To

     "Pete" and "Ponsie"




List of Chapters.

           CHAPTER                              PAGE
I.     DARK PLOT OF NICKEL PLATE, THE POLISHED
       VILLAIN                                    9
II.    A JUMP TO SHAMVILLE                       22
III.   BILLY IS CAPTURED BY TOMATO               34
IV.    ADVENTURES IN EGGS-AGGERATION             47
V.     PEASE PORRIDGE HOT                        63
VI.    BLIND MAN'S BUFF                          77
VII.   THE WISHING BOTTLE                        88
VIII.  GAMMON AND SPINACH                        97
IX.    IN SILLY LAND                            110
X.     SEA URCHIN AND NE'ER DO EEL              124
XI.    IN DERBY TOWN                            138
XII.   O'FUDGE                                  152
XIII.  BILLY PLAYS A TRICK ON BOREA             167
XIV.   KING CALCIUM AND STERRY OPTICAN          181
XV.    BILLY MEETS GLUCOSE                      195
XVI.   IN SPOOKVILLE                            210
XVII.  IN THE VOLCANO OF VOCIFEROUS             221
XVIII. THE ELUSIVE BRIDGE                       236
XIX.   IN THE DARK, NEVER WAS                   247
XX.    THE WINDOW OF FEAR                       257
XXI.   IN THE QUEEN BEE PALACE                  267




Full Page Illustrations

"_Why it_ is, _a large fried egg," said Billy, excitedly_.
                                                --Page 47....Frontispiece.
                                                                     PAGE
"I _can't tell you where Bogie Man lives, it's against the rules_."   14
_"Now," said Mr. Gas, "be careful not to sit on the ceiling."_        17
"_Come, now, don't give me any of your tomato sauce._"                39
_Billy never wanted for plenty to eat._                               64
_"He-he-ho-ho, oh! what a joke," cried the Scally Wags._              82
_"That's my black cat-o-nine tails," said the old woman._             90
_The Night Mare and the Dream Food Sprites._                         101
_"Get off, you're sinking us," cried Billy._                         134
_He saw flying to meet him several shaggy bears._                    141
_"Talking about me, were you?" said Boreas, arriving in a swirl of
  snow._                                                             172
_"Me feyther," cried she, in a tragic voice, "the light, the
  light."_                                                           187
"_Come up to the house and spend an unpleasant evening._"            217
_Billy shot a blast of hot air from his pump full in Bumbus's face._ 263
"_Allow me to present Bogie Man._"                                   271




Preface


OUR PURPOSE.--Fun for the "children between the ages of one and one
hundred."

AND INCIDENTALLY--the elimination of deceit and gore in the telling:
two elements that enter, we think, too vitally into the construction of
most fairy tales.

AS TO THE MORAL.--That is not obtrusive. But if we can suggest to the
children that fear alone can harm them through life's journey; and to
silly nurses and thoughtless parents that the serious use of ghost
stories, Bogie Men and Bugbears of all kinds for the sheer purpose of
frightening or making a child mind is positively wicked; we will admit
that the tale has a moral.




CHAPTER I.

DARK PLOT OF NICKEL PLATE, THE POLISHED VILLAIN.


Nickel Plate, the polished Villain, sat in his office in the North
South corner of the first straight turning to the left of the Castle in
Plotville.

"Gadzooks," exclaimed he with a heavy frown, "likewise Pish Tush!
Methinks I grow rusty--it is indeed a sad world when a real villain
is reduced to chewing his moustache and biting his lips instead of
feasting on the fat of the land."

So saying he rose from his chair, smote himself heavily on the chest,
carefully twirled his long black moustache and paced dejectedly up and
down and across the room.

"I wonder," he began, when ting-a-ling-a-ling the telephone rang.

"Hello," said he. "Yes, this is Nickel Plate--Oh! good morning,
Mr. Bogie Man--Sh-h-h--Don't speak so loudly. Some one may see
you.--No--Bumbus has not returned with Honey Girl--I'm sorry,
sir, but I expect him every minute. I'll let you know as soon as
I can. Oh! yes, he is to substitute Glucose for Honey Girl and
return here for further villainous orders. Oh! a--excuse me, but
can you help me with a little loan of--hello--hello--pshaw he's
rung off. Central--ting-a-ling-a-ling--Central, won't you give me
Bogie Man again, please--what! he's left orders not to connect us
again--_well!_--good-bye."

"Now then what am I to do? I have just one nickel to my name and I
can't spend that. If Bumbus has failed I don't know what we shall do. A
fine state of affairs for a man with an ossified conscience and a good
digestion--ha-a-a, what is that?"

"Buzz-z-z," came a sound through the open window.

"Is that Bumbus?" called Nickel Plate in a loud whisper.

"I be," answered Bumbus, climbing over the sill and darting to a chair.

"Why didn't you come in by the door?--you know how paneful a window is
to me."

"When _is_ a cow?" said Bumbus, perching himself on the back of his
chair and fanning himself with his foot.

"Sometimes, I think--" began Nickel Plate, angrily.

"Wrong answer; besides it's not strictly true," said Bumbus, turning
his large eyes here and there as he viewed his master.

"A truce to foolishness," said Nickel Plate, "what news--but wait--"
and taking two wads of cotton out of his pocket he stuffed them in two
cracks in the wall--"walls have ears--we will stop them up--proceed."

"Honey Girl has disappeared," whispered Bumbus.

"Gone! and her golden comb?"

"She has taken it with her."

"Gone," growled Nickel Plate--"but wait, I am not angry enough for a
real villain"; lighting a match he quickly swallowed it. "Ha, ha! now I
am indeed a fire eater. Gadzooks, varlet! and how did she escape us?"

Bumbus hung his head. "Alas, sir, with much care did I carry
Glucose to the Palace of the Queen Bee to substitute her for Honey
Girl--dressed to look exactly like her, even to a gold-plated comb.
I had bribed Drone, the sentry, to admit us in the dead of night.
Creeping softly through the corridors of the Castle, with Glucose in
my arms, I came to the door of Honey Girl. I opened the door and crept
quietly into the room; all was still. I reached the dainty couch and
found--"

"Yes," said Nickel Plate excitedly.

"I found it empty; Honey Girl had fled."

"Sweet Honey Girl! alas, have we lost you? also which is more
important, the reward for the abduction--but revenge, revenge!" hissed
Nickel Plate.

"What did you do with Glucose?"

"Glucose has gone back to her work in the factory," said Bumbus, "but
will come back to us whenever we wish."

"Enough," said Nickel Plate, "Bogie Man must know of this at once. I
will telephone him--but no, he has stopped the connection. Will you
take the message?"

"Sir, you forget."

"Too true, I need you here: a messenger." So saying Nickel Plate rang
the messenger call and sat down to write the note of explanation to
Bogie Man.

"Rat-a-tat-tat" came a knock on the door.

"Come in," said Nickel Plate in a deep bass voice, the one he kept for
strangers.

The door popped open and in ran--yes, he really ran--a messenger boy.
And such a messenger boy, such bright, quick eyes, such a clean face
and hands, not even a high water line on his neck and wrists, such
twinkling feet and such a well brushed uniform! Why you would hardly
believe he was a messenger boy if you saw him, he was such an active
little fellow.

"Did you ring, sir?" said Billy Bounce.

"Sh-h-h, not so loud," whispered Nickel Plate mysteriously--the whisper
he kept for strangers. "Yes, I rang."

"Very well, sir, I am here."

"Ah-h," hummed Bumbus. "Are you here, are you there, do you really
truly know it? Have a care, have a care."

"Excuse me, sir," said Billy bewildered, "I don't think I understand
you."

"Neither do I," said Bumbus. "Nobody does. I'm a mystery."

"Mr. who?" said Billy.

"Mr. Bumbus of course."

"Oh! I thought you said Mr. E."

"Don't be silly, boy," interrupted Nickel Plate.

"Bumbus, be quiet."

"I be," said Bumbus.

"Can you read?" whispered Nickel Plate.

"Yes, sir."

"That's good. Then perhaps you know where Bogie Man lives."

"No, sir, but if you'll tell me I can find his house," said Billy,
hoping it wasn't the real Bogie Man he meant.

"That would be telling," said Nickel Plate.

"But, sir, I don't know where to find him."

"Did you ever see such a lazy boy?" hummed Bumbus. "Lazy bones, lazy
bones, climb up a tree and shake down some doughnuts and peanuts to me."

"But really," said Nickel Plate frowning, "really you know _I_ can't
tell you where Bogie Man lives; it's against the rules."

[Illustration: "I _can't tell you where Bogie Man lives, it's against
the rules_."--Page 14.]

"Then, sir," said Billy, his head in a whirl, "I don't see how I can
deliver your message."

"That's your lookout. You're a messenger boy, aren't you?"

"Yes, sir."

"And your duty is to carry messages wherever they are sent?"

"Yes, sir, but--"

"There, I can't argue with you any more. You will have to take the
message--good day," said Nickel Plate handing Billy the note.

"But, sir--"

Bumbus jumped off his chair and slowly revolved around Billy, humming--

  "Little boy, Billy boy, do as you're told.
  Refusal is rudeness: I surely shall scold.
  Here's your hat, there's the door,
  Run while you may,
  I have the great pleasure to
  Wish you good-day."

As he sang this, Bumbus circled closer and closer to Billy until
finally he touched him, digging him in the ribs and giving him gentle
pushes toward the door. Suddenly Billy found himself outside of the
room with the door slammed in his face.

"Well," said Billy staring at the note in his hand, "I'm glad I'm out
of that room anyway." Then looking up at the door he read painted in
bold, black letters on the glass "Nickel Plate, Polished Villain. Short
and long orders in all kinds of villainy promptly executed. Abductions
a specialty." And lower down in smaller letters, "I. B. Bumbus,
Assistant Villain, office hours between 3 o'clock."

"What am I to do with this note? It is addressed to Bogie Man,
In-The-Dark, Never Was. If I don't deliver the message I'll be
discharged, and if I do deliver it--but how can I--oh pshaw! I know,
I'm asleep--ouch!" for he had given himself a sharp nip in the calf of
his leg to wake himself.

But there was the note still in his hand, and there in front of him
stood the building he had just left.

"I'm awake, that's certain, and--I beg your pardon, sir--" for he had
bumped into a little old gentleman who was hurrying in the opposite
direction.

[Illustration: _"Now," said Mr. Gas, "be careful not to sit on the
ceiling."_--Page 17.]

"It's Mr. Gas, the balloon maker," cried Billy, joyfully; "perhaps you
can help me; it's a good thing I ran into you."

"Humph!" said Mr. Gas, with his hands on his stomach, "it's not a very
good thing for me that you ran into me, but I'm glad to see you."

"I am sorry, Mr. Gas, but I'm really in very serious trouble," said
Billy, with a sigh.

Mr. Gas smiled. "I might have known you didn't know the way to Bogie
Man's house."

"Why," said Billy, in surprise, "how did you know--"

"Gift horses can't be choosers, which means, don't ask any questions,"
said Mr. Gas, pinching Billy's ear; "but come along to my house, and
I'll help you."

"Now," said Mr. Gas, when they had entered the shop where he made all
the toy balloons for all the little boys and girls in all the world,
"be careful not to sit on the ceiling, because if you do you'll burst
some of my balloons."

Billy laughed. "Sit on the ceiling; why, how could I?"

"Wait and see," said Mr. Gas; "nothing is impossible to your Fairy
Godfather."

"Are you my Fairy Godfather?" asked Billy, opening his eyes very, very
wide.

"On Sundays and week days I am; the rest of the time I'm not."

"But what other days are there?" said Billy.

"Strong days of course. I thought you knew Geography," said Mr. Gas
huffily.

"Yes, sir, I suppose so," said Billy afraid to ask any more questions.

"Now then, put on this suit," said the balloon maker, producing what
looked like a big rubber bag.

"Yes, sir, but--"

"Of course it's wrong side out. How can I get the right side inside
unless the wrong side is outside of the inside of the outside of the
inside of your outside clothes. Anybody who can count his chickens
before they are hatched ought to know that."

Billy gasped and proceeded to pull the suit on over his messenger boy's
uniform.

"Stand on your head."

Billy knew how to do this. He had practiced it often enough against
fences when he should have been delivering messages.

Taking one of Billy's trouser legs in each hand, Mr. Gas gave a quick
jerk and Billy found himself standing on his feet with the rubber suit
inside of his uniform.

"There," said Mr. Gas, "that's done--the next thing is to blow you up."

"Oh! Mr. Gas, please don't do that," said Billy, thinking of gunpowder
and things.

"With a hot air pump--stand quiet," chug-chug-ff-chug-ff-squee-e went
the pump and there stood Billy like a great round butter ball. His
uniform fitted as close and snug on the rubber suit as the skin on
an onion. For that was a peculiar property of the rubber suit; any
clothes, loose, tight or otherwise were bound to fit over it.

"Thank you sir," said Billy looking down and trying to see his foot,
"but--"

"Here's the hot air pump; put it in your pocket.--Now--be careful,
don't jump or you'll bump your head. You're ready now to hunt Bogie
Man."

"How am I to get there?"

"Jump there of course," replied Mr. Gas. "When you get outside the door
all you have to do is to jump into the air; that will carry you out of
town. Then keep on jumping till you get there. That's simple, isn't it?"

"But can't you tell me in which direction to jump?" asked Billy.

"Jump up, of course; if you jump down you'll dent the sidewalk."

"But shall I jump North or East or South or West, sir?"

"Exactly; just follow those directions and you will be sure to arrive;
but wait, before you start I'll give you Barker, my little dog."

"What kind of a dog is he?" asked Billy.

"A full-blooded, yellow cur. He won the Booby prize at the last dog
show."

"Thank you, sir; but won't you keep him for me until I get back?"

"Don't jump to conclusions, Billy, it strains the suit; Barker will
help you when you want shade or shelter by night or day."

"Isn't he rather a small dog for me to get under?" asked Billy,
looking at the tiny animal Mr. Gas held out to him.

Mr. Gas stamped his foot. "More questions--listen: when night or rain
comes on, drop to the ground, dig a little hole, hold Barker's nose
over it and pinch his tail to make him bark. Shovel in the dirt, and of
course you will have planted his bark. Well, you know what is planted
must grow, so up will come the bark and the boughs, and you can shelter
yourself all night beneath the singing tree."

Billy took the dog and started out of the door. "Thank you; is that
all, sir?"

"Of course not," said Mr. Gas.

"Yes, sir."

"Good-bye."

"Good-bye?" asked Billy, in surprise, "I thought you said--"

"Yes, that's it; we had to say good-bye before it could be all."

"Oh! good-bye," said Billy, and going outside took a great big jump up
into the air.




CHAPTER II.

A JUMP TO SHAMVILLE.


Up, up, up, went Billy when he took his leap into the air.

Way above the house tops, past the city, over green fields, hills and
valleys, crossing brooks and rivers that looked like little threads of
silver so far below were they, until he thought he never would alight.

Finally things began to get larger and larger and larger on the earth,
and he knew he was floating gently down, down, down. It was just like
going down from the twenty-first story in a very slow, very comfortable
elevator.

Plump, and Billy was on the ground. Before him stood a city. This
seemed strange, for he knew he hadn't seen it until his feet touched
Mother Earth.

"Excuse me, sir," said Billy, to a tall, thin, rusty coated man who was
looking intently at the heavens through a long hollow tube open at both
ends.

"Oh! you're here, are you?" said the man, lowering the tube and looking
at Billy. "I've been waiting for you to come down."

"Yes, sir," said Billy; "excuse me, but what city is this?"

"Shamville. So you are a meteor."

"No, sir, I'm a messenger," said Billy.

"Pardon me, but you _are_ a meteor, by right of discovery, and I ought
to know, for I'm a near Astronomer."

"A near what?"

"Not a near what, but a near Astronomer; with my near telescope I have
nearly discovered hundreds of nearly new stars," said the man, looking
very, very wise.

"Oh! I see," said Billy, smiling. "Well sir, you may be a near
astronomer, but in this case you are not near right."

"Well, you're a near meteor and that will do well enough in Shamville."

By this time they had entered the city.

"Who is that long haired, greasy gentleman writing on his cuff?" asked
Billy.

"You must meet him. He is our village near poet," answered the
star-gazer, impressively. "Allow me, Mr. Never Print, to introduce my
latest discovery, Billy Bounce, a near meteor."

Mr. Never Print stopped writing, and after rolling his eyes and
carefully disarranging his hair, said: "How beautiful a thing is a
fried oyster! Have you read my latest near book?"

"No, sir," said Billy.

"Ah! such is near fame," said the poet, untying his cravat. "Art is
long, but a toothless dog does not bite."

"Sir," said Billy, "I didn't quite catch your meaning?"

[Illustration: _The Near Poet._]

"The near meaning, you mean; like all great near poets, my meaning is
hidden. Perhaps you will understand this better: The little flower,
like a beefsteak, reminds us that a gentle answer comes home to roost."

Billy was so bewildered by this that he leaned against a wall, or
rather, he leaned on what looked like a wall. As the near astronomer
helped him to his feet he said:

"Be careful of the near walls. They're just painted canvas, you know,
and are not meant to lean against."

"Thank you," said Billy; "is there anything here that is not an
imitation?"

"Oh, no!" answered the astronomer, "this is Shamville; but I assure you
we're all just as good as the original."

"Well, I must be off," said Billy, "I must deliver this note to Bogie
Man."

"To whom?"

"To Bogie Man. Can you tell me how to get there?"

"Oh, my goodness! Oh, my gracious! What have I done, what have I done?"
cried the astronomer, beating himself over the head with his near
telescope.

"I don't know sir, I'm sure," said Billy; "from what I've seen I
shouldn't think you had ever done anything."

"Hear him! hear him!" screamed the astronomer, then calling to the
people on the streets: "Come near-artist, come near-actor, come near
everybody, we have in our midst one who would expose us to the people
who really do things."

With fearful cries the entire population made one dash for Billy, who,
forgetting that all he had to do was to jump, tried to run. In his big
suit he found this almost impossible and soon he was surrounded by an
excited mob.

"Roast him at the steak," cried the butcher, still holding in his hands
the papier mache chicken he had been selling when the call came.

"Splendid," said, the near poet.

"Boil him in oil," suggested the near artist.

"What is it, forgery?" asked the blacksmith.

"Put him in a cell," said the merchant.

Billy saw that he was in a tight place and must act quickly. No one had
as yet taken hold of him, they were all too excited to think of that;
but he knew a near policeman was even then trying to edge through the
crowd and something must be done. Just then the near astronomer put
out a hand to seize Billy's collar--quick as a wink Billy reached up
and pushed the star gazer's plug hat right down over his eyes.

"You can't see stars this time at any rate," said Billy, and then was
surprised to find himself rising, rising, rising off of the ground.

In hitting he had jumped up to reach the star gazer's hat and of course
up he went.

"Good-bye," called Billy, to the astonished crowd, "I had forgotten
that you couldn't do any more than _nearly_ catch me or I should not
have been frightened."

And the last Billy ever saw of Shamville was a great sea of big round
eyes and wide open mouths.

"I wonder whether this is the beginning or the end of my adventures,"
said Billy to himself. "I hope it is the last because I really want to
deliver this note to Bogie Man as soon as I can. They will think it
strange at the office if I'm gone longer than a week delivering one
message."

"My goodness, can that be a cyclone?" For just ahead of him Billy saw a
great cloud from which came a hum-m-m--Buzz-z-z-z. "Why, it's a swarm
of bees and they are carrying something. I do hope they won't sting me."

By this time Billy had met them and of course, as he couldn't steer
himself in the air, the bees had to get out of the way.

"Hum-m," said a big old fat bee, clearing his throat, "what sort of a
beetle are you?"

"I'm--I'm a boy," said Billy, very, very politely, because he saw that
the soldier bees had fixed sting bayonets.

"I've never heard of a beetle boy--stop a minute, I want to look at
you."

"I'm sorry, sir," said Billy, "but I can't."

[Illustration: _General Merchandise._]

"We'll soon fix