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  [Illustration: Cronkey Gudehart
                        [Page 103
  THE FIRST GLOOMSTER]




  THE DREAMERS
  A Club. _Being a More or Less Faithful
  Account of the Literary Exercises
  of the First Regular Meeting
  of that Organization, Reported by_
  JOHN KENDRICK BANGS
  _WITH ILLUSTRATIONS_
  _By_ EDWARD PENFIELD

  [Illustration]

  NEW YORK AND LONDON
  HARPER & BROTHERS PUBLISHERS
  1899




  BY THE SAME AUTHOR.

     PEEPS AT PEOPLE. Passages from the Writings of Anne Warrington
     Witherup, Journalist. Illustrated by EDWARD PENFIELD. 16mo, Cloth,
     Ornamental, Uncut Edges and  Top, $1.25.

     GHOSTS I HAVE MET, AND SOME OTHERS. With Illustrations by NEWELL,
     FROST, and RICHARDS. 16mo, Cloth, Ornamental, $1.25.

     A HOUSE-BOAT ON THE STYX. Being Some Account of the Divers Doings
     of the Associated Shades. Illustrated by PETER NEWELL. 16mo, Cloth,
     Ornamental, $1.25.

     THE PURSUIT OF THE HOUSE-BOAT. Being Some Further Account of the
     Doings of the Associated Shades, under the Leadership of Sherlock
     Holmes, Esq. Illustrated by PETER NEWELL. 16mo, Cloth, Ornamental,
     $1.25.

     PASTE JEWELS. Being Seven Tales of Domestic Woe. 16mo, Cloth,
     Ornamental $1.00.

     THE BICYCLERS, AND THREE OTHER FARCES. Illustrated. 16mo, Cloth,
     Ornamental, $1.25.

     A REBELLIOUS HEROINE. A Story. Illustrated by W. T. SMEDLEY. 16mo,
     Cloth, Ornamental, Uncut Edges, $1.25.

     MR. BONAPARTE OF CORSICA. Illustrated by H. W. MCVICKAR. 16mo,
     Cloth, Ornamental, $1.25.

     THE WATER GHOST, AND OTHERS. Illustrated. 16mo, Cloth, Ornamental,
     $1.25.

     THE IDIOT. Illustrated. 16mo, Cloth, Ornamental, $1.00.

     THREE WEEKS IN POLITICS. Illustrated. 32mo, Cloth, Ornamental, 50
     cents.

     COFFEE AND REPARTEE. Illustrated. 32mo, Cloth, Ornamental, 50
     cents.

  NEW YORK AND LONDON:
  HARPER & BROTHERS, PUBLISHERS.


  Copyright, 1899, by HARPER & BROTHERS.
  _All rights reserved._




  Dedicated
  WITH ALL
  DUE RESPECT AND PROPER APOLOGIES

  TO

  RICHARD HARDING DAVIS
  JAMES WHITCOMB RILEY
  WILLIAM DEAN HOWELLS
  RUDYARD KIPLING
  HALL CAINE
  SUNDRY MAGAZINE POETS
  ANTHONY HOPE
  THE WAR CORRESPONDENTS
  A. CONAN DOYLE
  IAN MACLAREN
  JAMES M. BARRIE
  THE INVOLVULAR CLUB
  AND
  MR. DOOLEY




CONTENTS


  CHAPTER                                                         PAGE
     I. THE IDEA                                                     1
    II. IN WHICH THOMAS SNOBBE, ESQ., OF YONKERS, UNFOLDS A TALE    21
   III. IN WHICH A MINCE-PIE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR A REMARKABLE
            COINCIDENCE                                             44
    IV. BEING THE CONTRIBUTION OF MR. BEDFORD PARKE                 59
     V. THE SALVATION OF FINDLAYSON                                 80
    VI. IN WHICH HARRY SNOBBE RECITES A TALE OF GLOOM              102
   VII. THE DREAMERS DISCUSS A MAGAZINE POEM                       123
  VIII. DOLLY VISITS CHICAGO                                       142
    IX. IN WHICH YELLOW JOURNALISM CREEPS IN                       163
     X. THE MYSTERY OF PINKHAM'S DIAMOND STUD                      185
    XI. LANG TAMMAS AND DRUMSHEUGH SWEAR OFF                       207
   XII. CONCLUSION--LIKEWISE MR. BILLY JONES                       228




ILLUSTRATIONS


                                                                  PAGE
  THE FIRST GLOOMSTER                                   _Frontispiece_
  DISCUSSING THE IDEA                                                3
  AND SO TO DREAM                                                   17
  THE DREAMERS DINE                                                 25
  "'REMEMBER TO BE BRAVE'"                                          35
  "'ELEANOR HUYLER HAS DISAPPEARED'"                                39
  "WRIT A POME ABOUT A KID"                                         47
  "I BOUGHT A BOOK OF VERSE"                                        51
  "IT FILLED ME WITH DISMAY"                                        55
  "'COME IN'"                                                       61
  MARY                                                              65
  EDWARDS REBELS                                                    71
  THE VICEROY EXAMINES HIS RUINED SMILE                             85
  THEY GAVE HIM _PUNCH_                                             89
  THE DONKEY ENGINE CALLS ON FINDLAYSON                             93
  THE END OF THE GLOOMSTER                                         109
  WISHED HER A HAPPY NEW-YEAR                                      117
  "'O ARGENT-BROWED SARCOPHAGUS'"                                  125
  "_SARCOPHAGUSTUS_"                                               131
  MR. BILLY JONES                                                  137
  "'I MUST SEE HIM,' SAID DOLLY"                                   145
  "'KAPE YOUR HOOSBAND HOME'"                                      155
  MIXING ILLUSTRATIONS                                             159
  THE SHIP'S BARBER AT WORK                                        167
  A CLEVER CAROM                                                   177
  SINKING THE _CASTILLA_                                           181
  THE LAMP-POSTS WERE TWISTED                                      191
  HOLMES IN DISGUISE INTERVIEWS WATTLES                            199
  "'YOU DID TOO!' SAID POLLY"                                      203
  "'HOOT MON!'"                                                    209
  "A SWEET-FACED NURSE APPEARED"                                   213
  TAMMAS MEETS DRUMSHEUGH                                          221
  MR. JONES BEGINS                                                 231
  HE DID NOT SEE                                                   243
  THE STENOGRAPHER SLEPT                                           247




[Illustration: The Dreamers: A Club]




THE DREAMERS: A CLUB




I

THE IDEA


The idea was certainly an original one. It was Bedford Parke who
suggested it to Tenafly Paterson, and Tenafly was so pleased with it
that he in turn unfolded it in detail to his friend Dobbs Ferry,
claiming its inception as his very own. Dobbs was so extremely
enthusiastic about it that he invited Tenafly to a luncheon at the
Waldoria to talk over the possibilities of putting the plan into
practical operation, and so extract from it whatever of excellence it
might ultimately be found to contain.

"As yet it is only an idea, you know," said Dobbs; "and if you have ever
had any experience with ideas, Tenny, you are probably aware that,
unless reduced to a practical basis, an idea is of no more value than a
theory."

"True," Tenafly replied. "I can demonstrate that in five minutes at the
Waldoria. For instance, you see, Dobbsy, I have an idea that I am as
hungry as a bear, but as yet it is only a theory, from which I derive no
substantial benefit. Place a portion of whitebait, a filet Bearnaise,
and a quart of Sauterne before me, and--"

"I see," said Dobbsy. "Come along."

[Illustration: DISCUSSING THE IDEA]

And they went; and the result of that luncheon at the Waldoria was the
formation of "The Dreamers: A Club." The colon was Dobbs Ferry's
suggestion. The objects of the club were literary, and Dobbs, who was an
observant young man, had noticed that the use of the colon in these days
of unregenerate punctuation was confined almost entirely to the literary
contingent and its camp-followers. With small poets particularly was
it in vogue, and Dobbs--who, by-the-way, had written some very dainty
French poems to the various _fiancees_ with whom his career had been
checkered--had a sort of vague idea that if his brokerage business would
permit him to take the necessary time for it he might become famous as a
small poet himself. The French poems and his passion for the colon,
combined with an exquisite chirography which he had assiduously
cultivated, all contributed to assure him that it was only lack of time
that kept him in the ranks of the mute, inglorious Herricks.

As formulated by Dobbs and Tenafly, then, Bedford Parke's suggestion
that a Dreamers' Club be formed was amplified into this: Thirteen choice
spirits, consisting of Dobbs, Tenafly, Bedford Parke, Greenwich Place,
Hudson Rivers of Hastings, Monty St. Vincent, Fulton Streete, Berkeley
Hights, Haarlem Bridge, the three Snobbes of Yonkers--Tom, Dick, and
Harry--and Billy Jones of the _Weekly Oracle_, were to form themselves
into an association which should endeavor to extract whatever latent
literary talent the thirteen members might have within them. It was a
generally accepted fact, Bedford Parke had said, that all literature,
not even excepting history, was based upon the imagination. Many of the
masterpieces of fiction had their basis in actual dreams, and, when they
were not founded on such, might in every case be said to be directly
attributable to what might properly be called waking dreams. It was the
misfortune of the thirteen gentlemen who were expected to join this
association that the business and social engagements of all, with the
possible exception of Billy Jones of the _Weekly Oracle_, were such as
to prevent their indulgence in these waking dreams, dreams which should
tend to lower the colors of Howells before those of Tenafly Paterson,
and cause the memory of Hawthorne to wither away before the scorching
rays of that rising sun of genius, Tom Snobbe of Yonkers. Snobbe,
by-the-way, must have inherited literary ability from his father, who
had once edited a church-fair paper which ran through six editions in
one week--one edition a day for each day of the fair--adding an
unreceipted printer's bill for eighty-seven dollars to the proceeds to
be divided among the heathen of Central Africa.

"It's a well-known fact," said Bedford--"a sad fact, but still a
fact--that if Poe had not been a hard drinker he never would have
amounted to a row of beans as a writer. His dreams were induced--and I
say, what's the matter with our inducing dreams and then putting 'em
down?"

That was the scheme in a nutshell--to induce dreams and put them down.
The receipt was a simple one. The club was to meet once a month, and eat
and drink "such stuff as dreams are made of"; the meeting was then to
adjourn, the members going immediately home and to bed; the dreams of
each were to be carefully noted in their every detail, and at the
following meeting were to be unfolded such soul-harrowing tales as
might with propriety be based thereon. An important part of the
programme was a stenographer, whose duty it would be to take down the
stories as they were told and put them in type-written form, which Dobbs
was sure he had heard an editor say was one of the first steps towards a
favorable consideration by professional readers of the manuscripts of
the ambitious.

"I am told," said he, "that many a truly meritorious production has gone
unpublished for years because the labor of deciphering the author's
handwriting proved too much for the reader's endurance--and it is very
natural that it should be so. A professional reader is, after all, only
human, and when to the responsibilities of his office is added the
wearisome task of wading through a Spencerian morass after the
will-o'-wisp of an idea, I don't blame him for getting impatient. Why, I
saw the original manuscript of one of Charles Dickens's novels once, and
I don't see how any one knew it was good enough to publish until it got
into print!"

"That's simply a proof of what I've always said," observed one of the
Snobbe boys. "If Charles Dickens's works had been written by me, no one
would ever have published them."

"I haven't a doubt of it," returned Billy Jones of the _Oracle_, dryly.
"Why, Snobbey, my boy, I believe if you had written the plays of
Shakespeare they'd have been forgotten ages ago!"

"So do I," returned Snobbe, innocently. "This is a queer world."

"The stenographer will save us a great deal of trouble," said Bedford