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JOSH BILLINGS ON ICE,

And Other Things.

                 *       *       *       *       *

_A NEW COMIC WORK_

JUST PUBLISHED, UNIFORM WITH THIS VOLUME, ENTITLED

Josh Billings, His Book.

WITH TWELVE COMIC ILLUSTRATIONS.

[Symbol: Asterism] Copies sent by mail free
of postage, on receipt of price, $1.50 by

G. W. CARLETON & CO., Publishers.
New York.

                 *       *       *       *       *


[Illustration: Josh Billings visits the new Skating Pond, and witnesses
a rather interesting accident, which he describes as "a living lovely
mass ov disastrous skirt and tapring ankle."--_See page 12._]


JOSH BILLINGS ON ICE,

And Other Things.

With Comic Illustrations by J. H. Howard.







NEW YORK:
Carleton, Publisher, Madison Square.
London: S. Low, Son & Co.
M DCCC LXX.

Entered according to act of Congress in the year 1868, by
G. W. Carleton & Co.,
In the Clerk's office of the District Court of the United States, for
the Southern District of New York.




THIS BOOK

IZ DEDICATED TO

AMAZI BARBOUR,

TEW LIQUIDATE A DET OV $17-50/100 THAT I OWED HIM.

    JOSH BILLINGS.




CONTENTS.


                                                                 PAGE

      I.--JOSH ON ICE                                              11

     II.--SUM NATRAL HISTORY                                       14

    III.--LIVE YANKEES                                             20

     IV.--LINCH PINS                                               23

      V.--GOOSE TALK                                               26

     VI.--JOSH BILLINGS: HIZ SHADE TREE                            28

    VII.--JOSH CORRESPONDS FREELY WITH 3 FELLOWS                   31

   VIII.--MONOGRAFFS                                               36

     IX.--HONESTA IS THE BEST POLICY                               39

      X.--GREAT AGRIKULTURAL HOSS-TROTT                            42

     XI.--JOSH BILLINGS DEFINES HIS POSITION                       46

    XII.--COLD PIECES                                              47

   XIII.--LETTER FROM JOSH BILLINGS                                50

    XIV.--WISDOM CHUNKS                                            54

     XV.--BILLIARDS                                                58

    XVI.--JOSH BILLINGS "RIZES"                                    60

   XVII.--BILLINGS ON PILLS                                        63

  XVIII.--JOSH IN SARATOGA                                         66

    XIX.--SUM VEGETABLE HISTORY                                    72

     XX.--JOSH REPLIES TO CORRESPONDENTS                           77

    XXI.--LIST OF HOUSEN TEW LET                                   80

   XXII.--LAUGHING                                                 83

  XXIII.--LYING                                                    85

   XXIV.--PERKUSSION CAPS                                          87

    XXV.--ONE WEEK FROM MY DIARY                                   91

   XXVI.--AMERICAN ARISTOCRACY                                     94

  XXVII.--LOVE                                                     96

 XXVIII.--THE GAME OF YEWKER                                       98

   XXIX.--NOW AND THEN                                            100

    XXX.--OATS                                                    103

   XXXI.--WATERFALLS                                              106

  XXXII.--POLITENESS                                              109

 XXXIII.--DREAMS                                                  111

  XXXIV.--JOSH CORRESPONDS                                        113

   XXXV.--NEWS CUT FROM OUR EXCHANGES                             118

  XXXVI.--DEAD BEATS                                              122

 XXXVII.--SPRING--MAY, 1868                                       125

XXXVIII.--HARTES                                                  127

  XXXIX.--MONOGRAFFS                                              128

     XL.--JOSH BILLINGS AND THE LEKTUR COMMITTY                   133

    XLI.--ORPHAN CHILDREN                                         137

   XLII.--BILLINGS REPLIZE TEW CORRESPONDENTS                     140

  XLIII.--CHIPS FROM THE BUTT CUT OF WISDUM                       143

   XLIV.--ESSA ON SWINE                                           146

    XLV.--ON SEWING MACHINES                                      148

   XLVI.--SUM ADVISE                                              150

  XLVII.--TAKE IT EASY                                            153

 XLVIII.--JOSH CORRESPONDS                                        155

   XLIX.--THEM GOOD OLD DAZE                                      159

      L.--A HUM TRANSACTION                                       161

     LI.--MILK, WHISKEE AND BEER                                  164

    LII.--PLUCK                                                   170

   LIII.--FREE LOVE                                               171

    LIV.--FAST MEN                                                173

     LV.--JOSH REPLIZE TO ONE OF HIZ CORRESPONDENTS               175

    LVI.--HUMAN HAPPINESS                                         177

   LVII.--PHILOSOPHEE OV THE BILLINGS FAMILEE                     180

  LVIII.--AMERIKANS                                               183

    LIX.--JOSH CLEANS OUT HIS PIGEON-HOLE OF CORRESPONDENTS       186

     LX.--JOSH CHAWS HIS CUD                                      190

    LXI.--MONOGRAFFS                                              193

   LXII.--JOSH TALKS                                              198

  LXIII.--GIMBLETS                                                203

   LXIV.--MORE CORRESPONDENTS                                     205

    LXV.--SOME NATRAL HISTORY                                     210

   LXVI.--SLIVVERS OF THOUGHT                                     216

  LXVII.--THE BUZZERS                                             219

 LXVIII.--MONOGRAFFS                                              223

   LXIX.--PHILOSOPHEE ON THE HALF-SHELL                           227

    LXX.--JOSH EPISTOLATES                                        229

   LXXI.--ALMINAK FOR 1869                                        234

  LXXII.--SUM NATRAL HISTRY                                       239

 LXXIII.--MONOGRAFFS                                              242

  LXXIV.--JOSH DOES UP HIS CORRESPONDENTS                         247

   LXXV.--CUPID ON A RAISE                                        251

  LXXVI.--JOSH COMMENCES WITH HIS FRIEND                          255

 LXXVII.--JAW BONES                                               259

LXXVIII.--MORE PHILOSOPHY                                         260




I.

JOSH ON ICE.


Having herd mutch sed about skating parks, and the grate amount ov
helth and muscle they woz imparting tew the present generashun at a
slite advanse from fust cost, i bought a ticket and went within the
fense.

I found the ice in a slippery condishun, covering about 5 akers ov
artyfishall water, which waz owned bi a stock company, and froze tew
order.

Upon one side ov the pond waz erekted little grosery buildings, where
the wimmin sot on benches while the fellers (kivvered with blushes)
hitched the magick iron tew their feet.

It waz a most exsiting scene: the sun waz in the skey--and the wind waz
in the air--and the birds were in the South--and the snow waz on the
ground--and the ice lay shivering with a bad kold--and angells (ov both
genders) flucktuated past me pro and con, 2 and fro, here a littl and
thare a good deal.

It waz a most exsiting scene; I wanted tew holler "Bully" or lay down
and rool over.

But i kept in, and aked with glory.

Helth waz piktured on menny a nobell brow. Az the femail angells put
out ov the pond, side by side with the male angells, it waz the most
powerfull scene i