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 [Illustration: The Purple Cow!]

 Published by William Doxey, at the Sign of the Lark, San Francisco.

 Copyright.




The Lark Book I., Nos. 1-12, with Table of Contents and Press Comments;
bound in canvas, with a cover design (The Piping Faun) by Bruce Porter,
painted in three colors. Price, 3.00, post-paid.

 [Illustration: _THE LARK_
                _Book 1 Nos. 1-12_]


_NOTES ON THE BIRTH OF THE LARK_

_Boston Herald._--"The pictures and rhymes in _The Lark_ rank with
the most remarkable things done for children since the days of Mother
Goose."

_Boston Budget._--"_The Lark_ is a reaction against the decadent spirit.
It is blithe, happy, full of the joy of life and the Greek within us--a
herald of the dawn of the new century."

_Boston Commonwealth._--"Everything in _The Lark_ is clever--some, we
may be permitted to add, cleverer than the rest."

_New York Critic._--"The faddists have produced some extraordinary
things in the way of literature, but nothing more freakish has made its
appearance in the last half-century than _The Lark_."

_New York Tribune._--"It is perhaps one-fourth a monthly periodical and
three-fourths an escapade. _The Lark_ ought really to be called 'The
Goose.'"

_New York Herald._--"The current number of _The Lark_ is, if possible,
more curious, more quaint, more preposterously humorous, and more
original than its predecessors. It is entirely unlike any other
publication."

_Richmond Times._--"We do not understand upon what the editor of
_The Lark_ bases anticipation of interest and consequent demand."

_Philadelphia Times._--"The young men who publish _The Lark_ have ideas
of their own. _The Lark_ is smart and funny in a way quite its own, and
it is also capable of serious flights and of musical notes clear enough
to be heard across the continent."

_Cincinnati Commercial Gazette._--"The worst thing about it being that
it is all too brief."

_Jersey City Chronicle._--"Every line in it is well worth perusal."

_St. Paul Globe._--"_The Lark_ partakes of the prevalent temper of life
on the Pacific Coast, where the don't-care mood of the West takes an
especially sunny and cheerful turn, and life looks a bigger joke than
elsewhere in the Union."

_St. Louis Mirror._--"_The Lark_ continues to be odd and ridiculous. Its
humor is quite unlike any other humor ever seen in this country. There
are good men with good pens working on _The Lark_."

_Kansas City Star._--"_The Lark_ seems to have attained a distinction
hitherto considered impossible in the unconventional. It seems really
original. It succeeds in holding in captivity the unexpected."

_Los Angeles: The Land of Sunshine._--"It is unlike anything nearer to
hand than 'Alice in Wonderland.'"


#Lark Posters.#--The full set of Eight Posters for THE LARK will be sent
post-paid for $2.00. The Lark Posters are printed from wooden blocks,
all but the first two having been cut by the artist.

 May,  1895   _The Piping Faun_     Bruce Porter
 Aug., 1895   _Mother and Child_    Florence Lundborg
 Nov., 1895   _Mt. Tamalpais_       Florence Lundborg
 Feb., 1896   _Robin Hood_          Florence Lundborg
 May,  1896   _The Oread_           Florence Lundborg
 Aug., 1896   _Pan Pipes_           Florence Lundborg
 Nov., 1896   _Redwood_             Florence Lundborg
 Feb., 1897   _Sunrise_             Florence Lundborg


_Published by_ WM. DOXEY, _at the Sign of the Lark, San Francisco._




CONTENTS

DEDICATION.


  1. A LEGEND, Rare and Superfine,
     Cribbed, some will say, from FRANKENSTEIN,
     (It _is_ a little in that line).

  2. MY FEET; a Memoir, with a Phase
     Resembling some Equestrian Ways.

  3. TH' INVISIBLE BRIDGE; a sort of Fable,--
     Please understand, if you're able.

  4. THE RUNAWAY TRAIN; a weird Creation
     Of Fancy and Imagination,
     Meant for the Rising Generation.

  5. On CITY FLORA, semi-culled
     By one whose Fame was somewhat dulled.

  6. ASTONISHMENT; depicting how
     Peculiar is the Verdant Bough.

  7. The PURPLE COW'S projected Feast;
     Reflections on a Mythic Beast
     That's quite Remarkable, at least.

  8. MY HOUSE, and how I make MY BED;
     A Nocturne for a Sleepy-Head.

  9. On DIGITAL EXTREMITIES;
     A Poem (and a gem it is!)

 10. THE GOOP; constructed on a Plan
     Beyond the Intellect of Man.

 11. PARISIAN NECTAR for the Gods;
     A little thick--but what's the odds?

 12. THE FLYING HOUSE; a Narrative
     Of Sanity comparative,
     And nothing much declarative.
             (_Permission of S. F. Examiner._)

 13. The Story of the GIANT HORSE;
     'T is quite improbable, of course.

 14. _WHAT_ SMITH _TRIED TO_ BELIEVE; a Study
     That will appeal to anybuddy.

 15. The TOWEL AND THE DOOR,--ah well!
     I'll not attempt the Tale to tell.

 16. The TOWEL AND THE DOOR again!
     The Story's told--is it in vain?

 17. The FOOTLESS FEAT of Mrs. Box
     _Posteaque, fiat Nox!_

 18. And now, allow the PURPLE COW
     To make her Bow.




 TO THE
 READERS OF "_THE LARK_"
 WHO HAVE LAUGHED
 THEY KNEW NOT WHY,
 THESE INARTISTIC ABERRATIONS
 ARE GRATEFULLY DEDICATED.
                  GELETT BURGESS




_THE PECULIAR HISTORY OF THE CHEWING-GUM MAN._


    O Willie, an' Wallie, an' Huldy Ann,
    They went an' built a big CHEWIN'-GUM MAN:
    It was none o' your teenty little dots,
    With pinhole eyes an' pencil-spots;
    But this was a terribul big one--well,
    'T was a'most as high as the Palace Hotel!
    _It took 'em a year to chew the gum!!_
    And Willie he done it all, 'cept some
    That Huldy got her ma to chew,
    By the time the head was ready to do.

       *       *       *       *       *

    Well, Willie he chewed it for days 'n' days;
    They brung it to him in gret big drays;
    An' fast as he got it good an' soft,
    Then Wallie he come and carried it oft.
    Then he'd roll it into a gret big ball,
    _An' he made a-more'n a MILLION in all!_
    Then Huldy Ann she spanked 'em flat
    An' pinched an' poked, an' the like o' that,
    Till she got it inter a gret big hunk--
    My! didn't Huldy have the spunk!
    And then she sliced one end half-way
    To make the laigs ('cause they never stay
    When you stick 'em on in a seprit piece--
    Seems like the ends was made o' grease);
    And she slit an arm right up each side,--
    I couldn't a done it if I'd a tried!
    O' course, her brothers they helped her, though,
    An' rolled the arms an' laigs out, so
    They all was smooth with roundin' bends
    An' _chopped_ the fingers inter the ends!
    An' when their mother had chewn the head,
    She went an' _stuck_ it on, instead!

    An' then, when the man was almost done,
    They had an awful lots o' fun.
    A-walkin' down his stummick was best
    To make the buttons onter his vest!
    They struck big cartwheels in him for eyes;
    His eyes was both tremendous size;
    His nose was a barrel--an' then beneath
    They used a ladder, to make his teeth!
    An' when he was layin' acrost the street
    Along come their daddy, as white's a sheet,--
    He was skeert half outer his wits, I guess,
    An' he didn't know whatter make o' the mess,--
    But Huldy she up an' begun to coax
    To have him down town, to skeer the folks!
    So her dad he grabbed him offen the street,
    An' Willie an' Wallie they took his feet,
    An' they dragged him clean down to the Cogswell fountain,
    An' stood him up as big as a mountain!
    You'd orter seen him a-standin' there,
    A-straddlin' Market street in the air!

    Well, he stood up straight for a week 'n' a half
    An' the folks, Gee! didn't they yell 'n' laff:
    The boys clum up his laigs quite bold--
    The gum was so soft they got good hold;
    The cars run under him day an' night,
    An' the people come miles to see the sight!
    Well, after he'd stayed as stiff's a post,
    With his head on top o' the roofts almost,
    The sun come outer the fog one day
    An'--well, I guess you can see the way
    That gret big feller begun to melt;--
    _Imagine how Willie and Wallie felt!_
    For first he cocked his head out some,
    An' when the heat got inter the gum
    He slowly waved his arms ahead
    An' slanted forred, just like he was dead!

 [Illustration]

    An' all day long he leaned an' bent
    Till all expected he would have went
    An' pitched right over. They roped the street
    To keep the crowd away from his feet.
    I tell yer he was a sight; my soul!
    Twicet as high as a telegraft pole,
    Wavin' his arms an' slumpin' his feet
    An' a-starin' away down Market street.

    Then, what did I tell yer--that blame old head
    Their mother had made a-seprit, instead,--
    It fell right off an' squashed a horse!
    ('T was so soft, it didn't _kill_ him, o' course.)
    When his hands got so they touched the ground
    A hundred policemen they come around;
    They stuck a cable-car to his feet,
    An' one to his head, a goin' up street,
    An' then they pulled him opposite ways,
    An' they pulled him for days 'n' days 'n' days,
    An' they drored him out so slim an' small
    That he reached a _mile 'n' a half_, in all.

    An' that was the end o' the CHEWIN'-GUM MAN
    For Willie, an' Wallie, an' Huldy Ann.
    They come along with an ax next day,
    An' chopped him up, and guv him away.

 [Illustration]




 [Illustration]

    My Feet they haul me 'round the House;
      They hoist me up the Stairs;
    I only have to steer them and
      They ride me everywheres.




 [Illustration]

    I'd never dare to walk across
      A Bridge I could not see,
    For quite afraid of falling off
      I fear that I should be!




_ADULT'S DEPARTMENT:_


    Oh, Willie and Wallie and Pinkie Jane!
    They run away with a Railroad Train!
    'T was Wallie got up the ridiculous plan,--
    'T was most as good as the Chewin'-Gum Man!
    Wallie is terribul funny--My!
    He can make up a face that would make you die,
    An' when Pinkie Jane come down to the city
    He tried to show off, for she's awful pretty.
    So they all went over across the Bay,
    To have a picnic, and spend the day.
    At Sixteenth Street they got off the cars
    A-grinnin' an' giggling so,--My Stars!
    A Enormus Crowd begun to collect,
    But nobuddy knew just what to expect.
    Then up the track come a little spot,
    An' nearer and nearer and NEARER it got,
    And Willie and Wallie and Pinkie Jane
    Stood right in the road of the Overland Train!!!
    The folks on the platform begun to yell,
    "_Look out!--get off!!_" an' the engine bell

 [Illustration]


_THE RUNAWAY TRAIN_:

    Was ringin' like mad,--but them children stood
    As calm as if they was made of wood!
    And a great big fat man yelled,--"_Oh Golly!
    For Heaven's sakes, just look at Wallie!_"
    As the train came thunderin' down the rail,
    The wimmin all turned terribul pale.
    But Wallie he stood there, stiff's a soldier,
    An' then (you remember what I told yer)
    He made up a horribul face,--and whack!
    He SCARED THE ENGINE RIGHT OFF'N THE TRACK!
    An' the train jumped forreds an' squirmed around,
    A-wrigglin' an' jigglin' over the ground;
    And all the people they had to git,
    For the blame old engine it had a fit!
    But when the train got onto the track,
    Them children they clum right onto its back,
    And they tickled it so that all to once
    It gave 'em a lot of shivers an' grunts,
    And it humped itself way up in the air,
    And p'raps it didn't give them a scare!

 [Illustration]


_AN IMPOSSIBLE EPIC_:

    Then it puffed an' puffed, a-faster an' faster,
    While Wallie sat there like an old school-master,
    A-drivin' that train till, I tell you what!
    You no idea what a nerve he's got!
    Willie he held on to Wallie, an' Jane
    Held onto Willie with might and main.
    Then they hitched along, like an old inch-worm,
    With now a spazzum, and then a squirm;
    But Willie and Wallie and Pinkie Jane,
    They soon got sick o' that Railroad train!
    But when they crawled to the last end car
    To jump on the ground, where it wasn't far,
    They got a heap worse off, instead,
    For that nasty train, it stood on its head!
    An' they all yelled, "Telegraft Huldy Ann,
    And make her come as quick as she can.
    We can't get off. Oh, hurry up, please!
    What would we do if the thing should sneeze?"

 [Illustration]


_SEQUEL TO THE CHEWING-GUM MAN_

    I tell yer them children was in a fix
    While that mad engine was doin' his tricks.
    But the messenger-boy found Huldy Ann,
    An' she said, "I'm glad that I ain't a man!
    I'll show 'em how!" an' she crossed the Bay,
    An' she see in a wink where the trouble lay.
    An' she said, "You go, an' you telegraft back
    For a load o' candy to block the track!"
    An' when they sent it, she piled it high
    With chocolate caram