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                      MANNERS AND RULES

                             OF

                        GOOD SOCIETY

                 _OR SOLECISMS TO BE AVOIDED_


                        BY A MEMBER
                     OF THE ARISTOCRACY




                   THIRTY-EIGHTH EDITION

                 [Illustration: Decoration]


                          LONDON
                  FREDERICK WARNE AND CO.
                       AND NEW YORK

                           1916
                  (_All rights reserved_)




_Printed in Great Britain_




PREFACE


"MANNERS AND RULES OF GOOD SOCIETY" contains all the information
comprised in the original work, "Manners and Tone of Good Society," but
with considerable additions. In a volume of this nature it is necessary
to make constant revisions, and this is periodically done to keep it up
to date, that it may be depended upon as being not only the most
reliable, but also the _newest book of etiquette_.

A comparison of the number of chapters and their subjects with those of
the early editions would best demonstrate how the work has grown, not
merely in bulk, but in importance also. This extension has allowed many
subjects to be more exhaustively treated than heretofore, and it now
includes every rule and point that could possibly be comprehended in its
title.

The work throughout its many editions has commended itself to the
attention of thousands of readers, and it is hoped the present edition
will be received by society in general with the marked success of its
predecessors.




CONTENTS


      CHAPTER                                                  PAGE

           INTRODUCTORY REMARKS                                  ix

        I. THE MEANING OF ETIQUETTE                               1

       II. INTRODUCTIONS                                          6

      III. LEAVING CARDS                                         19

       IV. PAYING CALLS                                          32

        V. PRECEDENCY                                            44

       VI. THE COLLOQUIAL APPLICATION OF TITLES                  53

      VII. POINTS OF ETIQUETTE AS REGARDS ROYAL PERSONAGES       61

     VIII. POINTS OF ETIQUETTE WHEN TRAVELLING ABROAD, AND
           PRESENTATIONS AT FOREIGN COURTS                       65

       IX. THE RECEIVED MODE OF PRONOUNCING CERTAIN SURNAMES     68

        X. PRESENTATIONS AT COURTS AND ATTENDING COURTS          73

       XI. PRESENTATIONS AT LEVEES AND ATTENDING LEVEES          82

      XII. BALLS AND STATE BALLS                                 87

     XIII. DINNER GIVING AND DINING OUT                          99

      XIV. DINNER-TABLE ETIQUETTE                               116

       XV. EVENING PARTIES                                      122

      XVI. WEDDINGS AND WEDDING LUNCHEONS                       128

     XVII. WEDDING RECEPTIONS                                   143

    XVIII. WEDDING EXPENSES                                     146

      XIX. AFTERNOON "AT HOMES"                                 151

       XX. "AT HOME" DAYS                                       159

      XXI. COLONIAL ETIQUETTE                                   161

     XXII. INDIAN ETIQUETTE                                     164

    XXIII. GARDEN-PARTIES                                       166

     XXIV. TOWN GARDEN-PARTIES                                  171

      XXV. EVENING GARDEN-PARTIES                               174

     XXVI. LUNCHEONS                                            176

    XXVII. BREAKFASTS                                           183

   XXVIII. PICNICS AND WATER-PARTIES                            186

     XXIX. JUVENILE PARTIES                                     190

      XXX. WRITTEN INVITATIONS                                  195

     XXXI. REFUSING INVITATIONS                                 200

    XXXII. WALKING, DRIVING, AND RIDING                         202

   XXXIII. BOWING                                               206

    XXXIV. THE COCKADE                                          209

     XXXV. COUNTRY-HOUSE VISITS                                 211

    XXXVI. HUNTING AND SHOOTING                                 219

   XXXVII. SHAKING HANDS                                        225

  XXXVIII. CHAPERONS AND DEBUTANTES                             228

    XXXIX. PRESENTATIONS AT THE VICEREGAL COURT, DUBLIN CASTLE  229

       XL. HOSTESSES                                            234

      XLI. THE RESPONSIBILITIES OF LADY PATRONESSES OF PUBLIC
           BALLS                                                239

     XLII. PERIODS OF MOURNING                                  242

    XLIII. ENGAGED                                              250

     XLIV. SILVER WEDDINGS                                      253

      XLV. SUBSCRIPTION DANCES                                  256

     XLVI. GIVING PRESENTS                                      259

    XLVII. CHRISTENING PARTIES                                  261

           INDEX                                                265




INTRODUCTORY REMARKS


The title of this work sufficiently indicates the nature of its
contents. The Usages of Good Society relate not only to good manners and
to good breeding, but also to the proper etiquette to be observed on
every occasion.

Not only are certain rules laid down, and minutely explained, but the
most comprehensive instructions are given in each chapter respecting
every form or phase of the subject under discussion that it may be
clearly understood what _is_ done, or what is _not_ done, in good
society, and also how what _is_ done in good society should be done. It
is precisely this knowledge that gives to men and women the
consciousness of feeling thoroughly at ease in whatever sphere they may
happen to move, and causes them to be considered well bred by all with
whom they may come in contact.

A solecism may be perhaps in itself but a trifling matter, but in the
eyes of society at large it assumes proportions of a magnified aspect,
and reflects most disadvantageously upon the one by whom it is
committed; the direct inference being, that to be guilty of a solecism
argues the offender to be unused to society, and consequently not on an
equal footing with it. This society resents, and is not slow in making
its disapproval felt by its demeanour towards the offender.

Tact and innate refinement, though of the greatest assistance to one
unused to society, do not suffice of themselves; and although counting
for much, cannot supply the want of the actual knowledge of what is
customary in society. Where tact and innate refinement do not exist--and
this is not seldom the case, as they are gifts bestowed upon the few
rather than upon the many--then a thorough acquaintance with the social
observances in force in society becomes more than ever necessary, and
especially to those who, socially speaking, are desirous of making their
way in the world.

Those individuals who have led secluded or isolated lives, or who have
hitherto moved in other spheres than those wherein well-bred people
move, will gather all the information necessary from these pages to
render them thoroughly conversant with the manners and amenities of
society.

This work will be found of equal service to both men and women, as in
each chapter the points of social etiquette to be observed by both sexes
have been fully considered.

Those having the charge of young ladies previous to their introduction
into society, either mothers, chaperons, or governesses, will also
derive much useful and practical information from the perusal of this
work, while to those thoroughly versed in the usages of society it
cannot fail to commend itself, containing as it does many useful and
valuable hints on social questions.




MANNERS AND RULES OF GOOD SOCIETY




CHAPTER I

THE MEANING OF ETIQUETTE


What is etiquette, and what does the word convey? It is a poor one in
itself, and falls very far short of its wide application. It has an
old-fashioned ring about it, savouring of stiffness, primness, and
punctiliousness, which renders it distasteful to many possessing
advanced ideas; and yet the word etiquette is not so very old either, as
Johnson did not include it in his dictionary, and Walker apologises for
introducing it into his, and according to the authorities he quotes, it
is supposed to be derived from stichos, stichus, stichetus, sticketta,
and from thence to etiquette. But whether derived from the Latin or the
French--and many incline to the latter opinion--there is no doubt that
could a new word be found to replace this much abused one, it would be a
welcome addition to our vocabulary. The word has unfortunately become
associated in our minds with forms, ceremonies, and observances, in an
exaggerated degree; and it has been so constantly misused and
misinterpreted and misunderstood that ridicule and contempt have been
most unjustly and unfairly thrown upon it. The true meaning of
etiquette can hardly be described in dictionary parlance; it embraces
the whole gamut of good manners, good breeding, and true politeness. One
of the reasons which have no doubt contributed to bring the word
