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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

VOL. 107.

AUGUST 18, 1894.




MORE ORNAMENTAL THAN USEFUL.

(_A Legend of the Results of the School Board._)

The Committee sat waiting patiently for candidates. Although the papers
had been full of advertisements describing the appointments the
_reclames_ had had no effect. There were certainly a number of persons
in the waiting-room, but the usher had declared that they did not
possess the elementary qualifications for the post that the Committee
were seeking to fill with a suitable official.

"Usher," cried the Chairman at length with some impatience; "I am sure
you must be wrong. Let us see some of the occupants of the adjoining
office."

The usher bowed with a grace that had been acquired by several years
study in deportment in the Board School, and replied that he fancied
that most of the applicants were too highly educated for the coveted
position.

"Too highly educated!" exclaimed the representative of municipal
progress. "It is impossible to be too highly educated! You don't know
what you're talking about!"

"Pardon me, Sir," returned the Usher, with another graceful inclination
of the head, "but would not 'imperfectly acquainted with the subject of
your discourse' be more polished? But, with your permission, I will obey
you."

And then the official returned to usher in an aged man wearing
spectacles. The veteran immediately fell upon his knees and began to
implore the Committee to appoint him to the vacant post.

"I can assure you, Gentlemen, that, thanks to the School Board, I am a
first-rate Latin and Greek scholar. I am intimately acquainted with the
Hebrew language, and have the greatest possible respect for the Union
Jack. I know all that can be known about mathematics, and can play
several musical instruments. I am also an accomplished waltzer; I know
the use of the globes, and can play the overture to _Zampa_ on the
musical-glasses. I know the works of SHAKSPEARE backwards, and----"

"Stop, stop!" interrupted the Chairman. "You may do all this, and more;
but have you any knowledge of the _modus operandi_ of the labour
required of you?"

"Alas, no!" returned the applicant; "but if a man of education----"

"Remove him, Usher!" cried the Chairman; and the veteran was removed in
tears.

A second, a third, and a fourth made their appearance, and disappeared,
and none of them would do. They were all singularly accomplished.

At length a rough man, who had been lounging down the street, walked
into the Council-chamber.

"What may you want, Sir?" asked the Chairman, indignantly.

"What's that to you?" was the prompt reply. "I ain't a going to tell
everyone my business--not me--you bet!"

"Ungrammatical!" said Committee Man No. One. "Very promising."

"Uncouth and vulgar!" murmured Committee Man No. Two.

"Where were you educated?" queried the Chairman.

"Nowheres in particular. I was brought up in the wilds of Canada.
There's not much book learning over there," and the rough fellow
indulged in a loud hoarse laugh.

"Ah