



Produced by Donald Lainson





THE FATAL BOOTS.


by William Makepeace Thackeray




THE FATAL BOOTS:--



January.--The Birth of the Year

February.--Cutting Weather

March.--Showery

April.--Fooling

May.--Restoration Day

June.--Marrowbones and Cleavers

July.--Summary Proceedings

August.--Dogs have their Days

September.--Plucking a Goose

October.--Mars and Venus in Opposition

November.--A General Post Delivery

December.--"The Winter of Our Discontent"




THE FATAL BOOTS




JANUARY.--THE BIRTH OF THE YEAR.

Some poet has observed, that if any man would write down what has really
happened to him in this mortal life, he would be sure to make a good
book, though he never had met with a single adventure from his birth to
his burial. How much more, then, must I, who HAVE had adventures, most
singular, pathetic, and unparalleled, be able to compile an instructive
and entertaining volume for the use of the public.

I don't mean to say that I have killed lions, or seen the wonders of
travel in the deserts of Arabia or Prussia; or that I have been a very
fashionable character, living with dukes and peeresses, and writing my
recollections of them, as the way now is. I never left this my native
isle, nor spoke to a lord (except an Irish one, who had rooms in our
house, and forgot to pay three weeks' lodging and extras); but, as our
immortal bard observes, I have in the course of my existence been so
eaten up by the slugs and harrows of outrageous fortune, and have been
the object of such continual and extraordinary ill-luck, that I believe
it would melt the heart of a milestone