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  THE MAN WHO PLEASES
  AND
  THE WOMAN WHO CHARMS

  BY
  JOHN A. CONE

  "Look out lovingly upon the world and the
  world will look lovingly in upon you."

  HINDS & NOBLE, Publishers
  31-33-35 WEST 15TH STREET, NEW YORK CITY

  _Schoolbooks of all publishers at one store_



  _Third printing, February, 1904._

  Copyright, 1901.
  by
  JOHN A. CONE,
  in the
  United States
  and
  Great Britain.
  Entered at Stationer's Hall,
  London.

  All Rights Reserved.



  TO
  MY MOTHER.




CONTENTS.


                                    PAGE
  THE MAN WHO PLEASES                  1
  THE WOMAN WHO CHARMS                16
  THE ART OF CONVERSATION             29
  GOOD ENGLISH                        37
  TACT IN CONVERSATION                48
  THE COMPLIMENT OF ATTENTION         57
  THE VOICE                           65
  GOOD MANNERS                        73
  DRESS                               84
  THE OPTIMIST                        97
  PERSONAL PECULIARITIES             106
  SUGGESTIONS FROM MANY SOURCES      114




PREFACE.


The makers of books have been divided into two classes--the creators and
the collectors. In preparing this volume the author has made no claim to
a place in the first division, for he has been, to a great extent, only
a collector. The facts which the book contains are familiar to
intelligent people, and the only excuse offered for presenting them in a
new dress is that we need to be reminded often of some truths with which
we are most familiar.

In our daily intercourse with one another, we may forget to render to
others that thoughtfulness and attention which we exact from them.

We all know that the essence of courtesy is the purpose, in speech and
manner, to be agreeable, attractive, and lovable, to awaken by our
presence happy impressions in another. We all understand this, but we so
easily forget it, or, at least, forget to put it into practice.

Courtesy is not the least of the Christian virtues, and it should be
studied as an art.

The reader is requested to accept these chapters in the spirit in which
they were prepared. They are not profound psychological studies, or even
original essays, but only a bringing together of simple, yet important
truths, which are of concern to us all. Possibly they may be of some
help--"Lest we forget,----"




THE MAN WHO PLEASES.

    _The dearest friend to me, the kindest man,
    The best-conditioned and unwearied spirit
    In doing courtesies._
                                               MERCHANT OF VENICE.

    _He hath a daily beauty in his life._
                                                          OTHELLO.

    _Such a man would win any woman in the world if a' could get her
    good will._
                                           MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING.


There are few subjects of deeper interest to men and women than that of
personal fascination, or what is sometimes called "personal magnetism."
We commonly talk about it as though it were some mysterious quality of
which no definite account could be given.

"A man is fascinating," we say, "he is born magnetic; he has an
indefinable charm which cannot be analyzed or understood," and, with the
term "naturally magnetic," we hand the matter over to the world of
mystery.

Is this quality of so bewildering a nature that it cannot be understood,
or will a study of those men and women who possess preeminently the
power of pleasing show us the secret of their influence, and prove to us
that the gift of fascination is not, necessarily, innate, but that it
can, to a great degree, be acquired?

Will we not find that what appears to be the perfection of naturalness
is often but the perfection of culture?

From all our well-known public men who have won the reputation of being
"naturally magnetic," perhaps we could not select a better example than
James G. Blaine. With the possible exception of Henry Clay, no other
political leader in our history, under all circumstances, had so devoted
and determined a following. Both Clay and Blaine possessed sympathetic
and affectionate dispositions, and both understood human nature and the
art of pleasing. It may be said that Mr. Blaine's popularity was due, in
a great measure, to the brilliant and attractive nature of his public
service, and this was, no doubt, true to a certain extent. No man knew
better than he the importance of making the most of opportunities for
dramatic and sensational display, and his methods of statesmanship were
always calculated to please the multitude.

His greatest power, however, was manifested in his winning men by direct
and individual contact. One thing which assisted him in this direction
was the fact that he was, perhaps, the most courteous of all the public
men of his generation. Whenever a stranger was introduced to him, a
hearty handshake, a look of interest and an attentive and cordial manner
assured him that Mr. Blaine was very glad to see him. If they chanced to
meet again, after months or even years, the man was delighted to find
that Mr. Blaine not only remembered his name, but that he had seemed to
treasure even the most trivial recollections of their short
acquaintance. He had a marvellous memory for faces and names, and he
understood the value of this gift.

This ability to remember faces is not difficult to acquire. We could all
possess it if we would make sufficient effort. No two figures or
countenances are precisely alike, and it is by noting how they differ
one from another that you will remember them.

In explaining his own remarkable memory for faces, Thomas B. Reed once
said to a reporter that he never looked a man in the face that some
striking peculiarity, a line, a wrinkle, an expression about the eye,
the set of the lips, the shape of the nose, something set that man's
face down in his mind indelibly, and distinguished him from the rest of
mankind.

Blaine carefully trained himself to pick out some feature or peculiarity
by which he could distinguish one face or person from all others and by
which he could associate the name of the individual.

The ability to remember names and faces is one of the most valuable
accomplishments for the man in public life, or, indeed, for any man or
woman who wishes social success. Not only does it insure comfort to
one's self, but it is especially pleasing to others. Next to the comfort
of being able to address by name and without hesitation a person one has
met but once, and without mistake, is the comfort of being recognized
one's self.

Another reason why Mr. Blaine was popular with the masses was because he
was not difficult to approach, and he never missed a chance to be useful
to a person who might some time, in turn, be useful to him.

The _St. Louis Globe-Democrat_ said shortly after his death: "It was not
the habit of Mr. Blaine to wait for men to seek favors from him. He
anticipated their desires, and doubled their obligations to him by
doing voluntarily what might have been delayed for solicitation. That
gave him the kind of popularity which outlasts defeat and resists all
ordinary influences of criticism and hostility. He could always count
upon a certain measure of unflinching and unconditional support,
whatever forces happened to be arrayed against him; and he changed
bitter enemies into zealous friends with a facility that was a source of
constant surprise and wonder."

But why should his success in attracting others to himself be a source
of "surprise and wonder"?

Mr. Blaine, in common with many other magnetic men and women, understood
that the secret of personal fascination lies in one single point; that
is, "in the power to excite in another person happy feelings of a high
degree of intensity, and to make that person identify such feelings with
the charm and power of the cherished cause of them."

Any quality, good or evil, that enables a man to do this, renders him
fascinating, whether he be saint or sinner. Indeed, some of the men who
have been the most skilful in the art of pleasing have been scoundrels.

Said a writer in the _Boston Herald_: "It used to be said of Aaron
Burr--so irresistible in charm of manner was the man--that he