



Produced by Punch, or the London Charivari, Malcolm Farmer,
Wayne Hammond and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team
at http://www.pgdp.net






Punch, Or the London Charivari

Volume 107, November 17, 1894

_edited by Sir Francis Burnand_




[Illustration: A FITTING OPPORTUNITY.

_Comfortable Citizen (to Irish Beggar, who has asked for an old Coat)._

"BUT WHAT USE WOULD MY THINGS BE TO YOU? YOU'RE SUCH A SCARE-CROW, AND
I'M SO STOUT!"

_Irish Beggar._ "AH, YER HONOUR, BUT IT'S YOURSELF THAT HAS PLENTY OF
SPARE CLOTHES!"]

       *       *       *       *       *

TO MOLLY.

(BY Q. H. GLADSTONIUS FLACCUS, JUNIOR.)

    Sweet maid, your name I dream of incessantly,
    For, like your voice, it sounds very pleasantly,
        _Molli et canora voce dulcis,_
        _Nomine dulcis es usque molli._

    It has a charming old-fashioned smack to it,
    Beau BRUMMELL's age--it carries one back to it,
        Powder and patch, and rustic maiden,
        Name with the scent of the hayfields laden.

    Then English maid was sweet as a maid may be,
    This age has changed her, made her less staid, may be,
        'Mongst other follies now it's taught her
        How to become a "revolting daughter."

    Poor blind revolting daughter! I pity her--
    You're just as clever, probably prettier.
        In sweet content maid's sphere adorning,
        Yellow-Asterical problems scorning.

    May these be "_fandi mollia tempora_,"
    Your smile can make me proud as an emperor,
        But swift my cares, should you be frowning,
        I'll in deep waters (and strong) be drowning

    Accept my ode! Don't "think it too odious,"
    Sweet maid in name and voice so melodious,
        _Molli et canora voce dulcis,_
        _Nomine dulcis es usque molli._

       *       *       *       *       *

CLEARLY NOT _THE_ LEADER OF THE FLOCK.--Of course, the reverend
gentleman cannot be considered as a shepherd as long as his name is
_Head-lam_.

       *       *       *       *       *

LETTERS TO A DEBUTANTE.

DEAREST GLADYS,--You have made immense progress since you first came
out. Still, you will be all the better for an occasional hint from your
more sophisticated friend. Your brief engagement to the serious young
stamp-collector was--whatever may be said against it--at least, an
experience, and I don't at all disapprove of CISSY, and BABY BEAUMONT,
and the other clever boys, but--why call Captain MASHINGTON "JACK"?
That wonderful tennis-player, Mrs. LORNE HOPPER has merely, tacitly,
_lent_ him to you, she will soon be in London again, and then, shooting
and theatricals over, "JACK" will also go back to the city of mist and
fog. You will be obliged to return him, whether "with thanks" or not.
He is definitely charming, but charmingly indefinite, and, in fact, he
is playing with you as you and ORIEL played with each other, as Miss
TOOGOOD is now playing with ORIEL, and as someone (let us hope) will,
some day, play with Miss TOOGOOD. Of course, as long as you both know
it's a game and "play the rules" it's all right.

[Illustration]

I enjoyed your letter telling me how "splendidly" the theatricals
went off, and that "everyone said it was a great success." My dear
child, you are delightful--quite refreshing; and have kept, in all
its early bloom, your astonishing talent for believing that people
mean, literally, what they say. How on earth can you, or any of the
other performers, know whether it was a success or not? Of course
everyone _said_ it was. Quite so; who would be rude enough to say it
was a failure? The more atrocious the performance, the more praise
it would get. Guests _invariably_ flatter amateurs to their faces;
and, on the other hand, however admirable it may have been, they
_never_