



Produced by Punch, or the London Charivari, Malcolm Farmer
and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at
http://www.pgdp.net







PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

VOL. 109.

_August 10, 1895._




A PSALM OF AUGUST.

(_For the Circular Tourist_.)

    Tell me not, in Summer numbers,
      "Holidays are but a dream!"
    If you hold that vacs are slumbers,
      Well--things are not what they seem.

    COOK is real! GAZE is earnest!
      And the earth's end is their goal;
    "Bust" thou art, and "bust" returnest,
      Sing they to the tripper's soul.

    Not enjoyment--rather, sorrow
      Greets the tourist on his way;
    His to toil, that each to-morrow
      Find him farther on his way.

    Tours are long, and Time is fleeting,
      While we dire discomfort brave;
    In globe-trotting, record-beating,
      Pleasure surely finds its grave.

    Let us, still, each town be "doing,"
      Since "tow-rowing" is our fate--
    Then, half-dead with guide-pursuing,
      Brag o'er those at home who wait!

       *       *       *       *       *

"FORWOOD BOYS."--Sir ARTHUR FORWOOD, the new Baronet,
observes the Day-by-Day-istical writer in the _Daily Telegraph_, "is
not to be confounded with his brother, Sir WILLIAM FORWOOD."
Why not? Why interfere with the liberty of speech on the part of some
Radicals, who might say "Confound 'em both!" Or, in the words of the
National Anthem, "Confound their politics."

       *       *       *       *       *

OMITTED FROM THE GRACIOUS SPEECH OF H.R.H. THE PRINCE OF WALES AT
THE OPENING OF THE SOUTHAMPTON NEW DOCK.--"I appear here as the
Judge, at whose word the prisoner is to be let into the dock, and,
subsequently, let out again. Ladies and gentlemen, the prisoner is--the
water." (_Cheers._)

       *       *       *       *       *

[Illustration: PRESIDING DEITY. 1895.

VENUS AN--ILINE DYE--OMENE.]

       *       *       *       *       *

JOEYING AT THE PRINCE OF WALES'S.

There have been JOES not a few on the stage. Coming down from
the time of JOE GRIMALDI, we pass on the way _Joseph Andrews_,
_Poll and Partner Joe_, _Poor Joe_ from _Bleak House_, and many other
JOES until we come to _Gentleman Joe_, hansom cab-driver,
played by ARTHUR ROBERTS. The question and answer in the old
idiotic <DW65> song applies appropriately here, with slight adaptation:

          What! _de_ JOE? Yes! _de_ JOE.
    Spruce JOE kicking up ahind and afore,
    KITTY LOFTUS playing up to Mister JOE.

And with the assistance of the always graceful PHYLLIS
BROUGHTON--of whom _Gentleman Joe_ might have sung, but doesn't,
"PHYLLIS is my only _Fare_"--aided also by the pretty-voiced
LETTIE SEARLE, helped by the sprightly earnestness of Miss
CLARA JECKS, who has turned over a new leaf and come out as a
page, and kept moving by the dashing "go" of Miss SADIE JEROME
(not at all a "sad eye" nor a "say die" sort of young lady) as _Lalage
Potts_, this two-act musical farce, beginning as a kind of _High Life
below Stairs_ and ending anyhow, offering, as it does, opportunities
to Our Only ARTHUR for introducing into it any amount of
"divarsion" in the way of new songs, eccentric speeches, nods, winks,
becks, and wreathed smiles, may be continuing its successful career in
the summer of '96, there being no apparent reason why its run should
ever stop, that is as long as _Gentleman Arthur Joe Roberts_ handles
the ribands as the popular _Cabbing-it Minister_.

       *       *       *       *       *

A NEW TITLE.--Our GRACE, the cr