



Produced by David Widger






LUDICROUS ASPECTS OF CHRISTIANITY:

A Response To The Challenge Of The Bishop Of Manchester.

By Austin Holyoak


The Bishop of Manchester, in a speech delivered by him in Oldham in
August, 1870, is reported to have said that "he could defy anyone to try
to caricature the work, the character, or the person of the Lord Jesus
Christ." He no doubt felt confident in throwing out such a challenge,
as the attempt would be considered so atrociously impious that few men
could be found with courage enough to incur the odium of such an act. We
confess that we have not the temerity to wound the sensitiveness of the
devoutly religious. What may be deemed of the nature of caricature in
the following remarks the reader is requested to regard as merely the
spontaneous utterance of one who is keenly alive to the ludicrous, and
who is not awed by the belief that the Bible is an infallible volume.
We find the New Testament, when read without the deceptive spectacles of
_faith_ as amusing, as extravagant, and as contradictory in many places
as most books.

A system of religion, to be a moral guide to men, should be perfect in
all its parts. It should not consist of a few precepts which might
be followed under certain circumstances, the rest being made up of
impossibilities and contradictions; but should be so comprehensive as to
embrace all orders of men under all circumstances. And a divine exemplar
to mankind, if such a being can be imagined, should possess every human
virtue in perfection, and be absolutely without fault. We are told daily
and hourly that Jesus Christ possesses these transcendent qualities, and
is worthy of the homage and admiration of the world. We ask where this
divine image is to be found, and are referred to the four Gospels in the
New Testament. All that is there written was written by inspiration of
God, and God therefore is the painter of the lineaments of his own Son.
We will take it as such, and see what aspect Jesus presents when viewed
in the light we are able to bring to bear upon his portrait. We shall
follow a somewhat different plan to that adopted by M. Renan. That
great French writer has evidently gone to his task with the intention or
anticipation of finding an almost perfect man, and he ends by believing
he really sees one in Jesus. We have taken up the Gospels with the
desire of finding what is actually there; and as it appears to us, so we
will present it to the reader. We know that some will view the sayings
and actions in a different light; but that is inevitable. No two persons
ever see in the painted portrait of a friend or relative, precisely
the same expression; yet they may be equally honest. Now we claim to be
regarded as truthful in the following portraiture, though Jesus appears
to us a very different man to what he appeared to M. Renan. Some may say
we are flippant, but that we cannot help, though we may regret it. We
must express ourselves in our own way, and we most be excused if we
laugh at what seems ludicrous or absurd.

We may be accused of a want of reverence, but we cannot feel reverence
for what does not excite that feeling in us.

These pages are not critical--they do not pretend to be learned--they
do not seek to explain away anything on the score of "forgeries" or
"interpolations." They are based upon the supposition that the _Four_
Gospels are each and collectively true, and without contradiction. No
attempt is made to reconcile contradictions by rejecting all that does
not harmonise. The Churches do not do so--they cling to all within the
two covers of the "sacred book," and of course take the responsibility.

Nothing will be here set down that Jesus did not utter; no meaning will
be put upon his words that they will not legitimately bear; we have
judged of him as we find him in the general actions of his life. A
devout believer will exclaim, with uplifted hands and eyes--"Oh, this
is blasphemy; it is revolting to the moral sense; Christ was the Son of
God, and therefore perfect. He could not be what you have represented
him to be, or people long ago would have ceased to worship him. He is
the one sublime character whose image fills the world, and before whom
millions bow the head in reverent humility." Just so; that is where the
delusion arises. Men have been taught that they must not think--that
they must not doubt--that they must not examine the grounds of their
faith--they must _believe_, and that the sin of unbelief is everlasting
perdition. A halo of sanctity is thrown around this distorted
image--there is a sacred mystery, a "holy of holies" into which common
sense must not enter; and so devotees fall down at the threshold and
worship, where they should stand erect in reliance on their own reason
and judgment, and examine fearlessly for themselves into those doctrines
on a belief in which their everlasting salvation is said to depend.

Jesus, the son of Mary, but not the son of Joseph, Mary's husband, was,
according to his biographers, an illegitimate child--at least, his
birth seems to have been brought about in a most illegitimate way. One
Matthew, who pretends to know a great deal about this child, even before
it was born, wishes his readers to infer that Jesus was descended in
a direct line from that worthy man and favourite of God, King David,
through exactly twenty-eight generations; that is, down to Joseph, who
was not the father of Jesus at all. He was the son of the Holy Ghost,
but who or what that was no man knows, and no one has been able to
comprehend unto this day. Another biographer named Luke, more sensible
than Matthew, like a modern Welshman traces Jesus's descent direct from
Adam, who, being the first man, _was_ probably a very distant relative
of his.

This extraordinary child Jesus, who in his own language was simply
Joshua, came into the world to fulfil no end of prophecies. He was to be
called Jesus, that he might save his people from their sins. But he did
not do it, as the Jews have had amongst them since his time as great
criminals as ever existed before. He was also to be named Emmanuel,
"which, being interpreted, is God with us." But he never was called
Emmanuel, so the second prophecy was fulfilled! He was born in a house
in the first instance, and a star was seen to walk before certain wise
men and direct them where he was. In the second instance he was born in
a manger, in the stable of an inn where certain shepherds found Mary,
and Joseph, and the babe lying. These were not wise men from the East,
but poor ignorant shepherds from the neighbouring fields, and they
were not led by a star, but had seen an angel of the Lord by night, who
terrified them very much, and departed without telling them in which
particular manger the Saviour was to be found. The angel appeared amid
loud sounds of "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, and
good-will towards men." If those glad tidings of great joy _were_ heard
then, they have never been heard since, for the advent of this child was
the signal for war, and strife, and bloodshed among mankind, which have
desolated every land where the Christian name has been spoken. After
their fright was over, the shepherds consulted together, and resolved to
go into Bethlehem, to look for "this thing which had come to pass." They
alighted upon Joseph and his family all lying in a manger, much to the
surprise of Mary, who evidently did not comprehend what the excitement
was about, for we are told that "Mary kept all these things, and
pondered them in her heart." So after all, who knows that they found the
right babe at last? If such evidence as is here given were adduced in a
court of law to prove the identity of a lost heir to an estate, it would
never be allowed to go even to trial, but the grand jury would ignore
the bill at once.

However, as Jesus was declared the rightful heir, we must accept that
fact, and proceed to examine how far he administered the great estate
to which he was born. Joseph was a very drowsy man, who had to be
continually warned and roused by angels as to what he should do and the
dangers which threatened him. Being made wide awake to the fact that
Herod sought to kill the child, he suddenly fled into Egypt with
his family, and there remained till the death of Herod, that another
prophecy might be fulfilled, "Out of Egypt have I called my son." But he
did not go into Egypt, but was taken back to Nazareth at eight days
old, and there remained till he was a man. So the third prophecy was
fulfilled!

Jesus is familiarly known by the name of the "meek and lowly," but this
is a title which scarcely seems warranted by the narratives. From
his youth upwards he gave signs of the possession of an imperious
disposition and a vituperative tongue, and he on several occasions
manifested a want of filial affection. His parents went to Jerusalem
every year to the feast of the Passover, and at the age of twelve Jesus
was taken. When the parents returned, the boy remained behind unknown
to them, and they had got a day's journey on their way home before they
missed him. They retraced their steps to Jerusalem in much trouble, and
at last, after three days' search, found the truant comfortably seated
in the temple in the midst of the doctors, holding a learned argument
with them. When his mother saw him she asked him why he had caused them
so much sorrow. Instead of showing any penitence, he pertly answered,
"How is it that ye sought me? wist ye not that I must be about my
Father's business?" And Mary, though she knew he was the son of the Holy
Ghost, had not the slightest idea what he meant.

When he "began to be about thirty years of age," he met with John
Baptist, a strange sort of anchorite, who used to dress in camelshair
and eat locusts and wild honey. From this cynic Jesus learnt much,
especially the habit of calling names. When people presented themselves
to John to be baptised, he greeted them in this loving way--"O
generation of vipers, who hath warned _you_ to flee from the wrath to
come?" Jesus was baptised, and afterwards retailed much that John had
said, especially his abusive phrases. At this ceremony of immersion the
heavens opened to Jesus, and the Spirit of God descended like a dove and
alighted upon him. This Spirit assumes as many shapes as Satan himself,
and altogether appears to be a very curious bird of passage. This
baptism was not a happy thing to Jesus, for immediately afterwards he
was led up of the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted of the Devil,
and he had to fast forty days and forty nights, and afterwards, we are
gravely told, "he was an hungered," which is not a remarkable fact,
seeing that he was a young man of very good appetite. We shall see, as
we get farther on, that his love of eating and drinking was manifested
on many carious occasions. The Old and New Testaments teem with accounts
of feasts and carouses