VOL. 153, AUG 29, 1917***


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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

VOL. 153.

AUGUST 29, 1917.







CHARIVARIA.

Germany is a bankrupt concern, says _The Daily Mail_. A denial is
expected every hour from Herr MICHAELIS, who is Germany's Official
Deceiver.

       ***

Much sympathy is felt in Germany for Admiral VON TIRPITZ, whose
proposed cure in Switzerland is off. His medical adviser has advised
him to take a long sea voyage, but failed to couple with the advice a
few particulars on how to carry it out.

       ***

Patrons of the royal theatres in Germany who pay in gold can now
obtain two seats for the price of one. This is not the inducement it
might seem to be. The German who used to buy one ticket and occupy two
seats is almost extinct.

       ***

A chicken with four legs and four wings is reported from Soberton.
Did it come from any other place we should receive the story with
suspicion.

       ***

"New Labour troubles are brewing," declares _The Evening News_. The
chief Labour trouble, however, seems to be not brewing.

       ***

One sportsman, says a news item, has landed seventy-seven pounds of
bream at Wrexham. It may have been sport, but it has all the earmarks
of honest toil.

       ***

A man charged with smoking in a munitions factory told the court
he was trying to cure the toothache. A fine was imposed, the Bench
pointing out that the man was lucky not to have lost the tooth
altogether.

       ***

As a means of preserving the memory of hero M.P.s, Mr. WINSTON
CHURCHILL suggests a name-plate on the back of the seats they had in
the House. We understand that Mr. GINNELL resolutely refuses to have
such a plate on the back of his old seat.

       ***

Honour where honour is due. A man named KITE told the Willesden
magistrate that he had joined the Royal Flying Corps, and the
magistrate refrained from being funny.

       ***

Light cars are now becoming very popular, says _The Autocar_. We
understand that they have always been preferred by pedestrians, who
realise that they make only a slight indentation in the person as
compared with the really heavy car.

       ***

"Whatever else may happen," says a contemporary, "the final decision
as to Stockholm rests with the Government." Our contemporary is far
too modest. A few months ago the final decision would have rested with
the stunt Press.

       ***

Portsmouth is to have three M.P.s, we read, under the Proportional
Representation scheme, though it is not known what Portsmouth has done
to deserve this.

       ***

Something like a panic was caused in the City the other day when news
got round that no mention of Mr. WINSTON CHURCHILL appeared in a
_Morning Post_ leader.

       ***

A postwoman charged at Old Street Police Court admitted that she had
swallowed a postal order and a pound Treasury note. Some women have a
remarkable objection to using the ordinary purse.

       ***

A woodworm in the timbering of Westminster Hall has been attacked with
a gas-spray by the Board of Works. The little fellow put up a gallant
fight and died bravely defending his third line trenches against a
vastly superior force.

       ***

The Vienna _Neue Freie Presse_ says that so far L18,000,000,000 has
been spent on the War. But even those who contend that it might have
been more cheaply done admit that the notice was too short to enable
the belligerents to call for tenders.

       ***

In a Brixton tramway car the other morning Mr. LLOYD GEORGE, it is
announced, had to borrow coppers from a companion to pay his fare. The
most popular explanation is that he had spent all his money in buying
the latest editions of the evening papers.

