



Produced by Punch, or the London Charivari, Malcolm Farmer
and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at
http://www.pgdp.net







PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

VOL. 109.

SEPTEMBER 7, 1895.




THAT POOR PENNY DREADFUL!

["Is the 'Penny Dreadful' and its influence so very dreadful, I
wonder?"--JAMES PAYN.]

  Alas! for the poor "Penny Dreadful"!
  They say if a boy gets his head-full
      Of terrors and crimes,
      _He_ turns pirate--sometimes;
  Or of horrors, at least, goes to bed full.

  Now _is_ this according to Cocker?
  Of Beaks one would not be a mocker,
      But _do_ many lads
      Turn thieves or foot-pads,
  Through reading the cheap weekly Shocker?

  Such literature is _not_ healthy;
  But _does_ it make urchins turn stealthy
      Depleters of tills,
      Destroyers of wills,
  Or robbers of relatives wealthy?

  I have gloated o'er many a duel,
  I've heard of DON PEDRO the Cruel:
      Heart pulsing at high rate,
      I've read how my Pirate
  Gave innocent parties their gruel.

  Yet I have ne'er felt a yearning
  For stabbing, or robbing, or burning.
      No highwayman clever
      And handsome, has ever
  Induced _me_ to take the wrong turning!

  A lad who's a natural "villing,"
  When reading of robbing and killing
      _May_ feel wish to do so;
      But SHEPPARD--like CRUSOE--
  To your average boy's only "thrilling."

  Ah! thousands on Shockers have fed full,
  And yet _not_ of crimes got a head-full.
      Let us put down the vile,
      Yet endeavour the while,
  To be _just_ to the poor "Penny Dreadful"!

       *       *       *       *       *

[Illustration: EVIDENT.

_George._ "EH--HE'S A BIG 'UN; AIN'T HE, JACK?"

_Minister_ (_overhearing_). "YES, MY LAD; BUT IT'S NOT WITH EATING AND
DRINKING!"

_Jack._ "I'LL LAY IT'S NOT ALL WI' FASTIN' AN' PRAYIN'!"]

       *       *       *       *       *

FOR WHEEL OR WOE.

The Rural District Council at Chester resolved recently to station
men on the main roads leading into the city to count the number
of cyclists, with a view to estimating what revenue would accrue
from a cycle tax. Extremely high and public-spirited of the Chester
authorities to take the matter up. These dwellers by the Dee ought to
adopt as their motto, "The wheel has come full cycle."

       *       *       *       *       *

"WHO IS SYLVIA?"--An opera, from the pen of Dr. JOSEPH PARRY, the
famous Welsh composer, entitled _Sylvia_, has been successfully
produced at the Cardiff Theatre Royal. The _libretto_ is by Mr.
FLETCHER and Mr. MENDELSSOHN PARRY, the _maestro's_ son, so that the
entire production is quite _parry-mutuel_.

       *       *       *       *       *

THE RAILWAY RACE.

[Illustration]

A new British sport has arisen, or rather has, after a seven years'
interval, been revived within the last week or so, and the British
sporting reporter, so well-known for his ready supply of vivid and
picturesque metaphor, has, as usual, risen to the occasion. That large
and growing class of sedentary "sportsmen," whose athletic proclivities
are confined to the perusal of betting news, have now a fresh item
of interest to discuss in the performances of favourite and rival
locomotives. More power has been added to the elbows of the charming
and vociferous youths, who push their way through the London streets
with the too familiar cry of "Win-nerr!" (which, by the way, has quite
superseded that of "Evening Piper!"). And the laborious persons who
assiduously compile "records" have enough work to do to keep pace with
their daily growing collection. Even the mere "Man in the Street" knows
the amount of rise in the Shap Fell and Potter's Bar gradients, though
possibly, if you cross-question him, he could not tell you where they
are. However, the great daily and evening papers are fully alive to the
occasion, and the various sporting "Majors" and "Prophets" are well to
the fore with such "pars" as the following:--

Flying Buster, that smart and rakish yearling from the Crewe stud, was
out at exercise last evening with a light load of eighty tons, and did
some very satisfactory trials.

       *       *       *       *       *

Invicta, the remarkably speedy East Coast seven-year-old, made a very
good show in her run from Grantham to York yesterday. She covered the
80-1/2 miles in 78 minutes with Driver TOMKINS up, and a weight of some
120 tons, without turning a hair. She looked extremely well-trained,
and I compliment her owners on her appearance.

       *       *       *       *       *

Really something ought to be done with certain of the Southern
starters. I will name no names, but I noticed one the other day whose
pace was more like thirty hours a mile than thirty miles an hour. I
have heard of donkey-engines, and this one would certainly win a donkey
race.

       *       *       *       *       *

These long-distance races are, no doubt, excellent tests for the
strength and stamina of our leading cross-country "flyers," but I
must enter a protest against the