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                            PUNCH AND JUDY,

                           With Instructions
                        How to Manage the Little
                             WOODEN ACTORS;

                               CONTAINING
                         New and Easy Dialogues
                        ARRANGED FOR THE USE OF
                      BEGINNERS, DESIROUS TO LEARN
                        HOW TO WORK THE PUPPETS.

                                --FOR--

             Sunday Schools, Private Parties, Festivals and
                         Parlor Entertainments.

                          BY THOS. A. M. WARD,
                            Attorney at Law.

                           JANESVILLE, WIS.:
                      VEEDER & LEONARD, PRINTERS,
                                 1874.




     Entered according to an Act of Congress, in the year 1874, by
                           THOS. A. M. WARD,
    In the Clerk's Office of the District Court for the Eastern District
                            of Pennsylvania.




                                PREFACE.


The Invention of Puppet Shows, Tumbling and other public amusements,
carries us back to a period in history long anterior to the birth of
MOSES.

In fact, Games of Chance, as well as the sports and pastimes usually
enjoyed in their Plays, by the early people of Egypt, were in their
zenith in the reign of the RAMESES.

RAMESES the II. was a magnificent patron of letters as well as art.

The "Sacred Library," which Diodorus mentions, has been discovered in
his Palace, the Rameseum at Karnak.

Nine men of learning were attached to the person of this King, and at
their head was a certain KAGABU, as "Master of the Rolls," (Books) a man
"unrivaled in elegance of style and diction."

From the pen of this master, who may have helped to train the mind of
MOSES, the King's adopted grandson, in "all the learning of the
Egyptians," we still possess the oldest Fairy Tale in the world, a moral
story, resembling that of Joseph and his Brethren, composed for the
King's son Meneptha, who afterwards became the opponent of Moses, at the
time of the exodus of the Jews from Egypt.

Our object is not so much with the antiquity of shows, as it is directly
with the introduction of "PUNCH AND JUDY" into polite society; in proper
character, free from superfluous verbiage, and dressing the play in
phraseology commensurate with the progress of the age--good taste and
refinement.

The performance of PUNCH in the streets of European cities, unpurified
of the vulgar colloquies put into his mouth, by the man who works the
Puppets, would not for an instant be tolerated by the people of this
country.

"The Play of PUNCH AND JUDY," observes a writer in _Harper's Monthly_,
"was exhibited for a short time at a popular place of amusement in New
York City, in 1870, but did not take sufficiently with the audience to
induce the managers to go on with it."

The true cause of its failure, at the time, doubtless arose from the
vulgar and impure language, used by the fellow that worked the Figures.

Where the little Puppets have been properly conducted, the popularity of
the show has been unbounded.

With the assistance of Mr. Cruikshank's admirable illustrations, it may
be made the medium of the most amusing whimsicalities. We are told that
so grave and dignified a personage as an English Secretary of State is
certain to be, once paused on his way from Downing street to the HOUSE
OF COMMONS on a night of important debate to witness the whole
performance.




                             INSTRUCTIONS.

                      How to Perform the Puppets.


The Frame should be three feet long and two feet wide: there should
be a space of 16 inches high, between the stage, on which the Puppets
perform, and the top of the Frame, corresponding to the ceiling of
a room, from which a little curtain hangs and in all particulars
resembling a miniature theatre, with small wings on the sides, like the
scenes in a large theatre, and a curtain in front to drop, or slide
across the stage, at the end of each act, is necessary. Immediately
above the stage is a small stick running across the top, from which a
small fringe hangs, in the style of a curtain, between this fringe and
the top of the stage, is a space of 16 inches, for the Puppets to
perform.

The hight of the stage, or floor on which the Puppets move, from the
ground upward, must be regulated by the hight of the person performing
the Figures: the stage, therefore, should never exceed two inches higher
than the head of the person who stands behind it, inside of the Frame.
This will enable the performer to rest his hands on the back part of the
stage without being seen by the audience. Without this relief for the
hands to rest on, he could not be able to continue the movement of the
Figures to any length of time.

On one end of the Frame (the stage part) is a small socket, in which the
end of a movable gallows is fixed.

The whole of the Frame is covered outside with thick cloth, to conceal
all that may be done on the inside.

Three bags hang in front of the performer--extending across the Frame;
and on the right and left hand sides, are four more pockets--two on each
side--making seven altogether; about six or eight inches deep.

In these pockets are placed the little Wooden Actors. PUNCH and the
DOCTOR, occupy the same bunk. JUDY, with her child, and the dog TOBY
have a bunk to themselves. The CONSTABLE and JACK KETCH, room together.
The <DW64> and the DEVIL have separate berths.

The way to hold the Puppets in order to exhibit them to the public:

PUNCH is always held by the showman's right hand, his head is wood of
course, and should be five inches, allowing two inches for the length
of neck would make it seven inches long, five inches from the neck to
the top of the head, with a hole, for the finger to rest in, three
inches deep. Into this little hole in the head fits the showman's fore
finger while his second finger fits into PUNCH'S right hand, and the
exhibitor's thumb sets in PUNCH'S left hand. Thus, by the aid of the
exhibitor's fore finger and thumb, PUNCH is enabled to wield the club he
carries with such consummate dexterity.

JUDY is held by the left hand and managed in the same way: thus, when
the exhibitor has PUNCH and JUDY ready to commence the show they are
said to be well mounted.

How to make the dresses and to dress the Figures.--The dress of each
Puppet is a gown fastened around its neck about thirteen inches long,
on to this is sewed the coat, shirt, vest and pantaloons. Inside of
the gown the showman thrusts his hand for the working of the little
Actor--described above. The PUNCH Puppet, has a big belly and a haunch
on his back between his shoulders, which gives him the appearance of the
Lord Mayor of London.

The Play opens by the appearance of Mr. PUNCH who calls JUDY to his aid.
Here commences the dance by PUNCH and JUDY, who bow to the audience,
then to each other and at the sound of music move off in the dance.

It is not necessary that the feet of the Puppets should be seen,
consequently they are seldom brought into view.

The person inside the Frame when dancing the Puppets, must go through
all the capers he wishes the Figures to perform; and as he is entirely
concealed from view, he can be just as funny as he pleases; and in
proportion to his comic actions will the little Actors appear to the
audience.

And strange as it may seem should the exhibitor fail to carry out these
instructions, namely: of moving his body, so as to correspond with the
motions he wishes to give the Figures, the dance of PUNCH and his wife
would be flat--without fun or any interest whatever. Therefore, remember
and fail not to put in all the comic points, (motions) for in this lies
the secret of giving life and merriment to the PUNCH and JUDY Show.




                           Act 1. Scene 1st.


(PUNCH--_is heard below with a loud squeak: he makes his appearance from
the wing on the right hand side of the stage dancing and singing. Enter_
PUNCH.)

PUNCH.--Good day little people--how do you do? The funniest man I ever
saw was old JOE MILLER. But the smartest chap among them all was JACK
the GIANT KILLER.

The biggest thing on the ice is an Elephant--he is not a pretty
bird--and never travels without a trunk. The Pig is a smaller
bird--somebody shot his feathers all off.

JUDY, my dear, come up stairs.

(JUDY _answers from below._) I am coming darling. (_Enter_ JUDY.)
JUDY.--Mr. PUNCH, did you call me?

PUNCH.--I should think I did--had you been here sooner you would have
seen the man that lived in the "House that Jack built."

JUDY.--Did you see him?

PUNCH.--I only saw one side of him--that is why I wanted you here--you
could have stood on one side, and I on the other, and then we could have
seen the whole of him at one time. _He was orful!_

JUDY.--Mr. PUNCH, you are such a funny man: now let us have a nice
little dance.

PUNCH.--With all my heart. (_They join hands--bow to the audience--then
to themselves and step off, keeping time with the sound of the music._)

JUDY.--Mr. PUNCH, I am going down stairs to bring up the BABY. (_Exit_
JUDY.)

(PUNCH--_continues to dance--a <DW64> comes up slyly behind him and hits
him a heavy blow on the side of his head, and before_ PUNCH _gets a
glance at him, darts out of sight._ PUNCH _scratches his head, looks
about the stage--seemingly much perplexed--but is soon relieved by the
appearance of_ JUDY _with the_ CHILD. _Enter_ JUDY _with the_ BABY.)

JUDY.--Mr. PUNCH, here is our own little darling: you hold the child
while I go down in the kitchen and prepare dinner--mind you--don't you
slap or pinch it, to make it cry. (_He takes the Child. Exit_ JUDY.)

(PUNCH _sings_) "It is good to be a father," etc. (_He tries to make it
sit up--the Child cries--he again sings._)

    "Lullaby baby in the tree top,
    When the wind blows the cradle will rock."

Oh, you little tu-te-tutes--pretty bird, sit up. (_He takes it in his
lap and tries to make it sit up._) The baby want he mamma? yes, he does.
(_He becomes impatient at the noise of the Child._) If you don't stop
I'll give you a good spanking. (_Throws the Child up and catches it._)
Catchee, catchee, catchee! (_Child continues to cry and_ PUNCH _getting
angry throws it out at the window._) He! he! he! (_laughing and
singing_)

    I am not such an ugly man!
    The girls all laugh whenever they can--
    And they sing, 'there goes the ugly man!'

(_Re-enter_ JUDY.) JUDY.--Mr. PUNCH, where is the Child?

PUNCH.--Gone to sleep.

JUDY.--(_Looking around and not seeing it._) Where have you put it?--is
it in the cradle?

PUNCH.--No my dear, I put it into the soup.

JUDY.--PUNCH, where's that child? Tell me quickly.

PUNCH.--The Child cried and I dropped it out at the window.

JUDY.--I'll drop you on the floor--depend upon it--where is my stick?
(_Exit_ JUDY.)

PUNCH.--There she goes--three feet three inches and a chaw tobacco high.
(_He sings_) "there was an old woman who lived in her shoe--shoe--shew!"

(_Re-enter_ JUDY _with a stick; she comes in behind him and hits_ PUNCH
_a square blow on the back of the head before he is aware._)

JUDY.--You monster--I'll teach you how to hold a child--you nasty puke.

PUNCH.--So-o-oftly--JUDY my dear so-o-oftly! (_rubbing the back of his
head with his hands_) don't be a fool!

JUDY.--You'll drop my poor child out at the window will you? (_hitting
him continually on his head._)

PUNCH.--Don't JUDY--stop I tell you--a joke is a joke.

JUDY.--You cruel man--you think it is a joke do you--it is no joke with
me to have my poor dear child beat to death! I'll show you how to use a
child. (_Hits him._)

PUNCH.--I don't want to learn--are you in earnest?

JUDY.--Yes (_hit_) I (_hit_) am. (_hit._)

PUNCH.--Leave off I tell you. What! you refuse? do you?

JUDY.--I won't leave off. (_Hits him._)

PUNCH.--Very well my lady; now comes my turn. (_He snatches the stick
from her, and strikes her on the head while she runs about to different
parts of the stage to get out of his way._) How do you like that? old
gal, and (_hitting her_) that?

JUDY.--Mr. PUNCH, you ought to be ashamed of yourself to strike a woman!
a helpless woman like me--get out with you.

PUNCH.--If a horse kicks me I'll kick him back if I can--if a dog bites
me I'll bite _him_--_you take that_ (_hits_) and one more (_hits her
again--she falls to the floor; PUNCH is alarmed._) No, no; I won't hit
you again. JUDY (_he lifts her up_) don't cry--let's make up and never
quarrel again! (_He kisses her,_ JUDY _puts her arms around his neck and
lovingly forgives him._)

JUDY.--Don't you never strike me any more.

PUNCH.--No never! now my dear go down stairs and take care of the
baby--you be good to me and I'll be good to you. (_Exit_ JUDY. PUNCH
_sings_)

    I am a jolly shoe-maker my name is Dick Ale,
    I am a bit of a beast for I live in a stall,
    With an ugly old wife and a tortoise shell cat,
    I mend boots and shoes with a rat-a-tat-tat.

(_Re-enter_ JUDY.) JUDY.--Mr. PUNCH, have you seen Polly Hopkins?

PUNCH.--No I haven't seen her since she had the measles.

JUDY.--Well now since you are in such good humor let us join in a nice
little dance.

PUNCH.--Of woman kind I do admire but one and you are she my dearest
dear, therefore it shall be done. (_They bow to the audience, then to
themselves and dance off:_ PUNCH _singing the tune and both keeping time
to the music. Exit_ PUNCH _and_ JUDY.)

(_Enter DOCTOR and SERVANT._) DOCTOR.--He is not here (_to the negro_)
JOE, you go through the house--find Mr. PUNCH and tell him I want to see
him.

JOE.--Yes sir--I spec he is in de house. (_Exit_ JOE.)

(_Enter_ PUNCH, _who is addressed by the_ DR.) DR.--Is your name PUNCH?

PUNCH.--Yes I am PUNCH--who are you?

DR.--Well sir I am a Doctor.

PUNCH.--Why I am not sick!

DR.--That may be--I have restored to health your little child.

PUNCH.--DR. you are a good fellow. Come and see me some time when I am
not at home.

DR.--Mr. PUNCH, my charge for curing the child is fifty dollars.

PUNCH.--Sir: do you take me for the Bank of England?

DR.--Well, to be liberal with you I will throw off one half.

PUNCH.--I will not be outdone in liberality--I will throw off the other
half!

DR.--Mr. PUNCH, if you don't pay me I will send the sheriff for you.

PUNCH.--(_Looking for his stick--the_ DR. _flies for his life._) Lucky
for you old chap or I would have made a pill of you.

(_Enter_ Miss POLLY HOPKINS.) POLLY.--How do you do sir? I am looking
for the man who lived in the house that Jack built.

PUNCH.--(_aside_) Oh, good gracious what a pretty girl: in the language
of Shakspear, I am the man.

POLLY.--Why your name is Mr. PUNCH, I know you!

PUNCH.--Yes, (_aside_) how on earth did that little girl learn my name?
My little daughter, there are said to be one hundred rooms in my
house--but I never could find but ninety--where the other ten are I
never knew. But there are about one thousand big Norway rats who live in
this house--run riot all night and don't pay no rent. Three days ago I
wrote on a number of pieces of papers for the rats to leave--one of
these papers was put in every rat-hole in this house.

POLLY.--Have they left?

PUNCH.--_I don't hear no noise for two days_--I think they are making up
their minds to seek homes elsewhere.

POLLY.--Did you ever catch any of them?

PUNCH.--Oh, yes, bless you, I made a pot-pie of