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  H.M.S. ----

  BY
  KLAXON

  William Blackwood and Sons
  Edinburgh and London
  1918

  _ALL RIGHTS RESERVED_




_TO

D. V. B._


    When Homer launched his epic on the literary sea,
    The critics were as merciful as they can ever be:
    "We take it that the author did the best that he can do,"
    "And the book should be remembered for at least a year or two...."
    But Homer let the critics go, and listened with a smile,
    For he had heard a verdict that was better by a mile,
    In a code that only Homer as a husband understood,--
    "You _are_ a funny clever thing--I'd no _idea_ you could."




CONTENTS.


                                                   PAGE

  "1923"                                              1

  PRIVILEGED                                         18

  ACCORDING TO THEIR LIGHTS                          22

  A NAVAL DISCUSSION                                 32

  THE GUNLAYER                                       42

  A WAGE SLAVE                                       54

  AN "ANNUAL"                                        61

  "OUR ANNUAL"                                       68

  MASCOTS                                            70

  THE SPARROW                                        73

  A WAR WEDDING                                      80

  A HYMN OF DISGUST                                  94

  THE "SPECIAL"                                      98

  BETWEEN TIDES                                     106

  LIGHT CAVALRY                                     116

  A TRINITY                                         139

  IN THE MORNING                                    144

  AN AFFAIR OF OUTPOSTS                             147

  1917                                              155

  IN FORTY WEST                                     169

  A RING AXIOM                                      171

  CHANCES                                           173

  THE QUARTERMASTER                                 185

  A LANDFALL                                        188

  NIGHT ROUNDS                                      195

  IN THE BARRED ZONE                                201

  A MATTER OF ROUTINE                               204

  WHO CARES?                                        211

  THE UNCHANGING SEX                                213

  TWO CHILDREN                                      216

  AN URGENT COURTSHIP                               234

  LOOKING AFT                                       254

  GRIT                                              258

  A MAXIM                                           270

  FROM A FAR COUNTRY                                272

  THE CRISIS                                        279

  A SEA CHANTY                                      281

  THE WAR OF ATTRITION                              284

  THROUGH AN ADMIRALTY WINDOW                       303

  A MOST UNTRUE STORY                               318




H.M.S. ----.




"1923."

     [The following is the description by Professor J. Scott, F.R.S.,
     of his recent Airship Journey across the old Bed of the North
     Sea. July 1, 1923.]


It is perhaps unnecessary for me to state the objects and purpose of
my journey of last week, as it would be false modesty in me not to
recognise the great interest taken by the geologic and antiquarian
worlds in my proposed enterprise. For the benefit, however, of those
for whose intelligence the so-called "Popular" geologic works are
compiled, I will recapitulate some points which are ancient history to
my instructed readers.

The winter of 1922 witnessed the greatest geologic change in the
earth's surface since the last of the Glacial epochs. Into the causes
and general results of this change I do not propose to enter, beyond
mentioning my opinion that the theory propounded by Professor
Middleton (a theory designed only for one purpose--that of attempting
to throw doubt on the data and reasoning of my first monograph on the
subject) is not only childish, but based on a fallacy.

I will confine myself to the results as they affected this country and
the continent of Europe, of which it is now a prolongation or
headland--not, as the Daily Press erroneously labels it, a peninsula.

The total change in elevation of the land is now calculated at 490
feet 7 inches, but more accurate measurements are still being taken.
This great change brings us back to a geologic age when man and
mammoth co-existed in the primeval forest of Cromer, and when the
Dogger Bank was a great plain where wild beasts roamed and palaeolithic
man left the traces of his industry in the bones and shaped flints
which we hope soon to collect in quantities from the mud and ooze with
which thousands of years