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MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC.

by

MOLIERE

Translated into English Prose.

With Short Introductions and Explanatory Notes.

by

CHARLES HERON WALL







'Monsieur de Pourceaugnac', acted on October 6, 1669, is nothing but a
farce. But Moliere excels in farce as well as in higher comedy, and
'Monsieur de Pourceaugnac' is one of the best of its kind. The attacks
upon the doctors of the time are not exaggerated. Moliere acted the part
of Mr. de Pourceaugnac.




PERSONS REPRESENTED.

 MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC.
 ORONTE, _father to_ JULIA.
 ERASTE, _lover to_ JULIA.
 SBRIGANI, _a Neapolitan adventurer_.
 FIRST PHYSICIAN.
 SECOND PHYSICIAN.
 AN APOTHECARY.
 A PEASANT.
 A FEMALE PEASANT.
 FIRST SWISS.
 SECOND SWISS.
 A POLICE OFFICER.
 TWO INFERIOR POLICE OFFICERS.
 JULIA, _daughter to_ ORONTE.
 NERINE, _an intriguing woman, supposed to come from Picardy._
 LUCETTE, _supposed to come from Gascony._

The scene is in Paris.




MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC.



ACT I.

SCENE I.--ERASTE, A LADY SINGER, TWO MEN SINGERS, _several others
performing on instruments_, DANCERS.


ERA. (_to the_ MUSICIANS _and_ DANCERS). Carry out the orders I have
given you for the serenade. As for myself, I will withdraw, for I do not
wish to be seen here.


SCENE II.--A LADY SINGER, TWO MEN SINGERS, _several others performing on
instruments_, DANCERS.

LADY (_sings_).
  Spread, charming night, spread over every brow
    The subtle scent of thy narcotic flower,
  And let no wakeful hearts keep vigil now
    Save those enthralled by love's resistless power.
  More beautiful than day's most beauteous light,
  Thy silent shades were made for love's delight.

FIRST SINGER.
  Love is sweet when none our wills oppose;
  Then peaceful tastes our gentle hearts dispose;
  But tyrants reign, who gave us birth and life.
  Ah! love is sweet when love is free from strife.

SECOND SINGER.
  All who strive 'gainst love must fall;
  Perfect love will conquer all.

ALL THREE.
  Let us love with an eternal ardour!
  Let parents frown, and try in vain to cure,
  Absence, hardship, or cruel fortune's rigour
  Will only strengthen love when true and pure.

_First entry of the_ BALLET.

 (_Dance of the two_ DANCING MASTERS.)

_Second entry of the_ BALLET.

 (_Dance of the two_ PAGES.)

_Third entry of the_ BALLET.

 (_Four_ SPECTATORS, _who quarrelled during the dance, now dance, sword
 in hand, fighting all the while._)

_Fourth entry of the_ BALLET.

 (_Two_ SOLDIERS _separate the combatants, and dance with them._)


SCENE III.--JULIA, ERASTE, NERINE.

JUL. Oh dear, Eraste! take care that we are not discovered. I am so
afraid of being seen with you; all would be lost after the command I
have received to the contrary.

ERA. I see nobody about.

JUL. (_to_ NERINE). Just keep watch, Nerine, and be careful that
nobody comes.

NER. (_going to the farther end of the stage_). Trust me for that: and
say all you have to say to each other.

JUL. Have you thought of anything to favour our plan, Eraste? And do
you think that we shall succeed in breaking off that marriage which my
father has taken into his head?

ERA. We are at least doing all we can for it, and we have ready many
schemes to bring such an absurd notion to naught.

NER. (_running towards_ JULIA). I say, here is your father.

JUL. Ah! let us separate quickly.

NER. No, no; don't go; I made a mistake.

JUL. How absurd you are, Nerine, to give us such a fright!

ERA. Yes, dear Julia, we have plenty of stratagems ready for the
purpose; and, in accordance with the permission you have given me, we
will not hesitate to make use of every means. Do not ask me what it is
we are going to do; you will have the fun of seeing it, and, as at a
comedy, it will be nice for you to have the pleasure of being
surprised without my letting you know beforehand what is going to take
place. This is telling you that we have many schemes in hand for the
occasion, and that our clever Nerine and the dexterous Sbrigani have
undertaken to bring the affair to a successful issue.

NER. Yes, we have indeed. Is your father crazy to think of entangling
you with his lawyer of Limoges; that Mr. de Pourceaugnac, whom he has
never seen in his life, and who comes by the coach to take you away
before our very eyes? Ought three or four thousand crowns, more or
less--and that, too, upon the word of your uncle--to make him refuse a
lover you like? Besides, are you made for a Limousin? If he has taken it
into his head to marry, why does he not take one of his own
countrywomen, and let Christians be at peace? The very name of
Pourceaugnac puts me in a frightful rage. I boil over with Mr. de
Pourceaugnac. If it were only because of the name, I would do anything
to prevent the match. No, you shall not be Mrs. de Pourceaugnac.
Pourceaugnac! Was ever such a name heard of![1] No, I could never put up
with Pourceaugnac; and we will abuse the man to such an extent, and play
him so many tricks, that he will have to return to Limoges, Mr. de
Pourceaugnac.

ERA. Here is our cunning Neapolitan, who will give us news.


SCENE IV.--JULIA, ERASTE, SBRIGANI, NERINE.

SBRI. Our man has just come, Sir. I saw him at a place three leagues
away from here, where the coach stops; and I studied him for more than
half an hour in the kitchen, where he went down to breakfast, and I know
him now perfectly. As to his appearance, I will say nothing about it;
you will see for yourselves what nature has done for him, and if his
dress is not the very thing to set that off. But as for his
understanding, I can tell you beforehand that it is among the dullest I
have met with for a long time. We shall find in him a fit subject to
work upon as we like. He is just the man to fall into all the traps laid
for him.

ERA. Is all that possible?

SBRI. Perfectly true, and I am skilled in the knowledge of men.

NER. (_pointing to_ SBRIGANI). This is a famous man, Madam; and your
affair could not be trusted to better hands. He is the hero of the age,
for the wonders he has performed. A man who, twenty times in his life,
has generously braved the galleys to serve his friends; who, at the
peril of his arms and shoulders,[2] knows how to bring to a successful
issue the most difficult enterprises; and who is, in short, banished
from his country for I don't know how many honourable actions he has
generously engaged in.

SBRI. I am ashamed to hear the praises with which you honour me, and I
could most justly extol the marvellous things you did in your life; I
could particularly speak of the glory you acquired when you cheated at
play that young nobleman we brought to your house, and won twelve
thousand crowns from him; when you handsomely made that false contract
which ruined a whole family; when with such greatness of soul you denied
all knowledge of the deposit which had been entrusted to you, and so
generously gave evidence which hung two innocent people.

NER. These are trifles not worth mentioning, and your praises make me
blush.

SBRI. Then I will spare your modesty. Let us leave that aside, and speak
of our business. To begin with, I will quickly rejoin our countryman,
while you, on your side, will see that all the other actors in the
comedy are kept in readiness.

ERA. And you, Madam, pray remember your part, that in order to conceal
our aim the better, you are to affect to be quite perfectly delighted
with your father's resolutions.

JUL. If it only depends on that, things will be sure to succeed.

ERA. But, dear Julia, if everything were to fail?

JUL. I will declare my real inclinations to my father.

ERA. And if he persists in his designs in spite of your inclinations?

JUL. I will threaten to shut myself up in a convent.

ERA. But if, notwithstanding all that, he wished to force you to this
marriage?

JUL. Why, what would you have me say?

ERA. What do I want you to say?

JUL. Yes.

ERA. What is said when one loves truly?

JUL. But what?

ERA. That nothing shall force you; that in spite of all your father
can do, you promise to be mine.

JUL. Ah me! Eraste, be satisfied with what I do now, and leave the
future alone. Do not perplex me in my duty, by speaking of sad
expedients to which we may not be obliged to have recourse. Allow me
to be led by the course of events.

ERA. Will....

SBRI. Sir, here is our man. Be careful.

NER. Ah! what a guy![3]


SCENE V.--MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, SBRIGANI.

MR. POUR. (_turning to the side he came from, and speaking to the
people who are following him_). Well, what is it? What is the matter?
What do you want? Deuce take this stupid town, and the people who live
in it! Nobody can walk a step without meeting a lot of asses staring
and laughing like fools at one. You boobies, mind your business; and
let folk pass without grinning in their faces. Deuce take me if I
don't knock down the first man I see laughing.

SBRI. (_speaking to the same people_). What are you about? What is the
meaning of such conduct? What is it you want? Is it right to make fun
like that of strangers who come here?

MR. POUR. Here is a man of sense at last.

SBRI. What manners! And what is there to laugh at?

MR. POUR. Quite right.

SBRI. Is there anything ridiculous in this gentleman?

MR. POUR. I ask you?

SBRI. Is he not like other people?

MR. POUR. Am I crooked or hunchbacked?

SBRI. Learn to distinguish people.

MR. POUR. Well said.

SBRI. This gentleman's qualities call for your respect.

MR. POUR. Perfectly true.

SBRI. He is a person of quality.

MR. POUR. Yes, a gentleman from Limoges.

SBRI. A man of intelligence.

MR. POUR. Who has studied the law.[4]

SBRI. He does you too much honour in coming to this town.

MR. POUR. Ay, indeed.

SBRI. This gentleman has nothing in him that can make you laugh.

MR. POUR. Certainly not.

SBRI. And the first who laughs at him, I will call to account.

MR. POUR. (_to_ SBRIGANI). Sir, I am extremely, obliged to you.

SBRI. I am sorry, Sir, to see a person like you received after such a
fashion.

MR. POUR. Your servant, Sir.

SBRI. I saw you breakfasting this morning, Sir, with the other
passengers; and the grace with which you ate created in me at once a
great friendship for you; and as I know that you have never been here
before, and that you are a perfect stranger, I am glad I met you, to
offer you my services at your arrival, and to assist you among these
people, who do not always behave to strangers of quality as they
should.

MR. POUR. You are really very kind.

SBRI. I have told you already; the moment I saw you, I felt an
inclination for you.

MR. POUR. I am greatly obliged to you.

SBRI. Your countenance pleased me.

MR. POUR. You do me much honour.

SBRI. I read honesty in it.

MR. POUR. I am your servant

SBRI. Something amiable.

MR. POUR. Ah! ah!

SBRI. Graceful.

MR. POUR. Ah! ah!

SBRI. Sweet.

MR. POUR. Ah! ah!

SBRI. Majestic.

MR. POUR. Ah! ah!

SBRI. Frank.

MR. POUR. Ah! ah!

SBRI. And cordial.

MR. POUR. Ah! ah!

SBRI. Believe that I am entirely yours.

MR. POUR. I am greatly obliged to you.

SBRI. I speak from the bottom of my heart.

MR. POUR. I believe you.

SBRI. If I had the honour of being known to you, you would find that I
am altogether sincere.

MR. POUR. I do not doubt it.

SBRI. An enemy to deceit.

MR. POUR. I feel sure of it.

SBRI. And that I am incapable of disguising my thoughts.

MR. POUR. It is exactly what I think.

SBRI. You look at my dress, which is not like that of other people;
but I came originally from Naples, at your service; and I always like
to keep up the way of dressing as well as the sincerity of my
country.[5]

MR. POUR. You are quite right. For my part, I was desirous of
appearing in the court dress for the country.[6]

SBRI. Truly, it becomes you better than it does all our courtiers.

MR. POUR. Exactly what my tailor told me. The coat is suitable and
rich; it will tell here among these people.

SBRI. You will go to the Louvre, no doubt?

MR. POUR. Yes; I must go and pay my court.

SBRI. The king will be charmed to see you.

MR. POUR. I believe so.

SBRI. Have you fixed upon rooms?

MR. POUR. No; I was going to look for some.

SBRI. I shall be very glad to go with you; I know all this city well.


SCENE VI.--ERASTE, MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, SBRIGANI.

ERA. Ah, who is this? What do I see? What a happy meeting! Mr. de
Pourceaugnac! How delighted I am to see you! What! anyone would think
that you find it difficult to remember me!

MR. POUR. Sir, I am your servant.

ERA. Is it possible that five or six years can have made you forget
me? Do you not remember the best friend of the de Pourceaugnacs?

MR. POUR. Yes, yes. (_Aside to_ SBRIGANI) Deuce take me if I know who
he is.

ERA. There is not one of the de Pourceaugnacs of Limoges that I do
not know, from the greatest to the smallest; I visited only them
during my stay there, and I had the honour of seeing you every day.

MR. POUR. The honour was mine, Sir.

ERA. You do not remember my face?

MR. POUR. Yes, yes. (_To_ SBRIGANI) I don't know him a bit.

ERA. You do not remember that I had the pleasure of drinking with you
I don't know how many times?

MR. POUR. Excuse me. (_To_ SBRIGANI) I don't know anything about it.

ERA. What is the name of that pastrycook who cooks such capital
dinners?

MR. POUR. Petit-Jean.

ERA. Just so. We used often to go there together to enjoy ourselves.
How do you call that place where people go for a walk?

MR. POUR. The cemetery of the Arenes.

ERA. Exactly. It is there I enjoyed so many happy hours of your
pleasant talk. Don't you remember it all now?

MR. POUR. Pardon me; yes, I remember. (_To_ SBRIGANI) Deuce take
me if I do.

SBRI. (_aside to_ MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC). There are a hundred
things like that which one is apt to forget altogether.

ERA. Let us embrace, I pray, and renew our former friendship.

SBRI. (_to_ MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC). This man seems to have a great
affection for you.

ERA. Tell me some news of all the family. How is that gentleman
your... he who is such an honest man?

MR. POUR. My brother the sheriff?[7]

ERA. Yes.

MR. POUR. He is as well as can be.

ERA. I am delighted to hear it. And that good tempered man? You know,
your...

MR. POUR. My cousin, the assessor?

ERA. Exactly.

MR. POUR. Always gay and hearty.

ERA. It gives me much pleasure to hear it. And your uncle, the...

MR. POUR. I have no uncle.

ERA. But you had one in those days?

MR. POUR. No; only an aunt....

ERA. Ah! it's what I meant; your aunt; Mrs.... How is she?

MR. POUR. She died six months ago.

ERA. Alas! poor woman. She was so good, too!

MR. POUR.