



Produced by Al Haines.



[Illustration: Cover art]



                            EVER HEARD THIS?

                    OVER THREE HUNDRED GOOD STORIES



                                   BY

                             F. W. CHAMBERS



                             THIRD EDITION




                           METHUEN & CO. LTD.
                          36 ESSEX STREET W.C.
                                 LONDON




                First Published...... October 27th 1916
                  Second Edition...... November 1916
                   Third Edition...... December 1916



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CONTENTS


    WHAT HE WANTED
    HIS CHOICE
    NOT IN THE REGULATIONS
    CHEAP TALK
    SWEET ARE THE USES OF ADVERTISEMENT
    A CANDID CRITIC
    WHAT'S IN A NAME
    WHY BROWN LEFT
    AN ASS'S SHADOW
    GRACE
    MISUNDERSTOOD
    TRUMPS
    THE STUTTERER
    PRESENT AND FUTURE
    THE VOICE OF IGNORANCE
    A PASSOVER STORY
    EXTRAORDINARY COMPROMISE
    BARBER SHAVED BY A LAWYER
    A GOOD PUN
    SOMETHING LIKE AN INSULT
    THE UNWELCOME GUEST
    A LOST BALANCE
    A BAD CROP
    NEGATIVES AND POSITIVES
    JAW-ACHE
    HER PROGRAMME
    THE PROUD FATHER
    A MIRACLE
    KEEPING TIME
    QUESTION AND ANSWER
    MOTHER'S JAM POTS
    WISDOM
    WHY NOT?
    THE OLD FARMER
    ANY CHANGE FOR THE BETTER
    TACT
    THE RETORT RUDE
    THE QUAKER AND HIS HORSE
    CERTAINLY NOT ASLEEP
    THE BEST JUDGE
    A THIRST FOR KNOWLEDGE
    A SHIPWRECK
    A SAFE CASE
    THE WATCH MENDER
    THE CITY CHURCHES--AND OTHERS
    HIGH PRINCIPLES
    THE MIXTURE AS BEFORE
    CANNY SCOT
    A NICE DISTINCTION
    NOT TWO-FACED
    CLERICAL WIT
    A COSTLY EXPERIMENT
    A GOOD REASON
    ECONOMY IN THE STABLE
    THE PATRIARCH
    HIGH AND LOW
    BEER
    NOT IMPORTUNATE
    THE RELATIONSHIP OF HOG TO BACON
    UNION IS STRENGTH
    COURTSHIP
    TO LET
    CUT AND COME AGAIN
    THE THOUGHTFUL PATIENT
    KISMET
    THE YOUNG IDEA
    THE NEW BABY
    HOOK AND AN INSPECTOR OF TAXES
    THE SHE BEAR
    KNOWLEDGE
    A STORY FOR BOOKSELLERS
    THE EARLY BIRD
    TABLE TALK
    TROUBLES
    A SOUTHERNER AND SCOTLAND
    DRY HUMOUR
    THE CHURCH ORGAN
    COMMON PRAYER
    SHORT COMMONS
    TRUTH
    A WRONG CHOICE
    FISH AS A BRAIN FOOD
    A CHARACTER
    HUSBAND OR COW
    A NEW METHOD
    GRATITUDE NOT APPRECIATED
    ON THE TREASURES OF THIS WORLD
    COLD FEET
    BUSYBODIES
    ALDERMANIC TASTES
    "WARRANTED TO KILL"
    PROFESSIONAL
    THE NEW VERSION
    DRAUGHTS
    TENDERNESS
    HOW TO ADDRESS A BISHOP
    HOOK AND PUTNEY BRIDGE
    A GOOD EXAMPLE
    A MISFIT
    A CHEERFUL INVITATION
    THE INEVITABLE RESULT
    JUSTICE
    THAT AWFUL CHILD
    A COSMOPOLITAN
    CLOTHES AND THE MAN
    A WITTY REPLY
    THE SOUND OF A TRUMPET
    GRAMMAR
    ONE SIDE AT A TIME
    COMPANY
    HER OWN FAULT
    A POSER
    YOUTHFUL PRECOCITY
    ABOVE PROOF
    ON DEATH
    ENVY
    A HAT FOR NOTHING
    AN OLD PROVERB
    PRO BONO PUBLICO
    A NEW RECIPE
    NOT A WAXWORK
    THEY NEVER SAY THANK YOU
    TIPS
    JUSTICE
    DEAD AS A DOORNAIL
    FAITH
    JOB'S CURSE
    A CONJUGAL CONCLUSION
    THE RULING PASSION
    FELO-DE-SE
    HOW TO GET WARM
    NO MATTER WHAT COLOUR
    OF COMPOSITIONS
    PETER'S WIFE'S MOTHER
    THE TRIALS OF THE DEAF
    ANTICIPATION
    HYMNS AND HERS
    HORS CONCOURS
    THE MARINE AND THE BOTTLE
    A UNITED COUPLE
    WET PAINT
    TICK, TICK, TICK
    DIFFIDENCE
    THE BAILIFF OUTWITTED
    IMAGINATION
    UNREMITTING KINDNESS
   