



Produced by David Widger





THE WORKS OF EDGAR ALLAN POE

IN FIVE VOLUMES

VOLUME FOUR

The Raven Edition


Contents:

     The Devil in the Belfry
     Lionizing
     X-ing a Paragraph
     Metzengerstein
     The System of Doctor Tarr and Professor Fether
     The Literary Life of Thingum Bob, Esq.
     How to Write a Blackwood article
     A Predicament
     Mystification
     Diddling
     The Angel of the Odd
     Mellonia Tauta
     The Duc de l'Omlette
     The Oblong Box
     Loss of Breath
     The Man That Was Used Up
     The Business Man
     The Landscape Garden
     Maelzel's Chess-Player
     The Power of Words
     The Colloquy of Monas and Una
     The Conversation of Eiros and Charmion
     Shadow.--A Parable





THE DEVIL IN THE BELFRY

     What o'clock is it?--_Old Saying_.

EVERYBODY knows, in a general way, that the finest place in the world
is--or, alas, was--the Dutch borough of Vondervotteimittiss. Yet as
it lies some distance from any of the main roads, being in a somewhat
out-of-the-way situation, there are perhaps very few of my readers
who have ever paid it a visit. For the benefit of those who have not,
therefore, it will be only proper that I should enter into some account
of it. And this is indeed the more necessary, as with the hope of
enlisting public sympathy in behalf of the inhabitants, I design here
to give a history of the calamitous events which have so lately occurred
within its limits. No one who knows me will doubt that the duty thus
self-imposed will be executed to the best of my ability, with all
that rigid impartiality, all that cautious examination into facts, and
diligent collation of authorities, which should ever distinguish him who
aspires to the title of historian.

By the united aid of medals, manuscripts, and inscriptions, I am enabled
to say, positively, that the borough of Vondervotteimittiss has existed,
from its origin, in precisely the same condition which it at present
preserves. Of the date of this origin, however, I grieve that I can only
speak with that species of indefinite definiteness which mathematicians
are, at times, forced to put up with in certain algebraic formulae.
The date, I may thus say, in regard to the remoteness of its antiquity,
cannot be less than any assignable quantity whatsoever.

Touching the derivation of the name Vondervotteimittiss, I confess
myself, with sorrow, equally at fault. Among a multitude of opinions
upon this delicate point--some acute, some learned, some sufficiently
the reverse--I am able to select nothing which ought to be considered
satisfactory. Perhaps the idea of Grogswigg--nearly coincident with
that of Kroutaplenttey--is to be cautiously preferred.--It
runs:--"Vondervotteimittis--Vonder, lege Donder--Votteimittis, quasi
und Bleitziz--Bleitziz obsol:--pro Blitzen." This derivative, to say
the truth, is still countenanced by some traces of the electric fluid
evident on the summit of the steeple of the House of the Town-Council. I
do not choose, however, to commit myself on a theme of such importance,
and must refer the reader desirous of information to the "Oratiunculae
de Rebus Praeter-Veteris," of Dundergutz. See, also, Blunderbuzzard
"De Derivationibus," pp. 27 to 5010, Folio, Gothic edit., Red and Black
character, Catch-word and No Cypher; wherein consult, also, marginal
notes in the autograph of Stuffundpuff, with the Sub-Commentaries of
Gruntundguzzell.

Notwithstanding the obscurity which thus envelops the date of the
foundation of Vondervotteimittis, and the derivation of its name, there
can be no doubt, as I said before, that it has always existed as we find
it at this epoch. The oldest man in the borough can remember not the
slightest difference in the appearance of any portion of it; and,
indeed, the very suggestion of such a possibility is considered an
insult. The site of the village is in a perfectly circular valley, about
a quarter of a mile in circumference, and entirely surrounded by gentle
hills, over whose summit the people have never yet ventured to pass. For
this they assign the very good reason that they do not believe there is
anything at all on the other side.

Round the skirts of the valley (which is quite level, and paved
throughout with flat tiles), extends a continuous row of sixty little
houses. These, having their backs on the hills, must look, of course, to
the centre of the plain, which is just sixty yards from the front door
of each dwelling. Every house has a small garden before it, with a
circular path, a sun-dial, and twenty-four cabbages. The buildings
themselves are so precisely alike, that one can in no manner be
distinguished from the other. Owing to the vast antiquity, the style
of architecture is somewhat odd, but it is not for that reason the less
strikingly picturesque. They are fashioned of hard-burned little bricks,
red, with black ends, so that the walls look like a chess-board upon a
great scale. The gables are turned to the front, and there are cornices,
as big as all the rest of the house, over the eaves and over the main
doors. The windows are narrow and deep, with very tiny panes and a great
deal of sash. On the roof is a vast quantity of tiles with long curly
ears. The woodwork, throughout, is of a dark hue and there is much
carving about it, with but a trifling variety of pattern for, time out
of mind, the carvers of Vondervotteimittiss have never been able to
carve more than two objects--a time-piece and a cabbage. But these they
do exceedingly well, and intersperse them, with singular ingenuity,
wherever they find room for the chisel.

The dwellings are as much alike inside as out, and the furniture is all
upon one plan. The floors are of square tiles, the chairs and tables
of black-looking wood with thin crooked legs and puppy feet. The
mantelpieces are wide and high, and have not only time-pieces and
cabbages sculptured over the front, but a real time-piece, which makes
a prodigious ticking, on the top in the middle, with a flower-pot
containing a cabbage standing on each extremity by way of outrider.
Between each cabbage and the time-piece, again, is a little China man
having a large stomach with a great round hole in it, through which is
seen the dial-plate of a watch.

The fireplaces are large and deep, with fierce crooked-looking
fire-dogs. There is constantly a rousing fire, and a huge pot over it,
full of sauer-<DW62> and pork, to which the good woman of the house is
always busy in attending. She is a little fat old lady, with blue eyes
and a red face, and wears a huge cap like a sugar-loaf, ornamented
with purple and yellow ribbons. Her dress is of orange-
linsey-woolsey, made very full behind and very short in the waist--and
indeed very short in other respects, not reaching below the middle of
her leg. This is somewhat thick, and so are her ankles, but she has
a fine pair of green stockings to cover them. Her shoes--of pink
leather--are fastened each with a bunch of yellow ribbons puckered up
in the shape of a cabbage. In her left hand she has a little heavy Dutch
watch; in her right she wields a ladle for the sauerkraut and pork. By
her side there stands a fat tabby cat, with a gilt toy-repeater tied to
its tail, which "the boys" have there fastened by way of a quiz.

The boys themselves are, all three of them, in the garden attending the
pig. They are each two feet in height. They have three-cornered
cocked hats, purple waistcoats reaching down to their thighs, buckskin
knee-breeches, red stockings, heavy shoes with big silver buckles, long
surtout coats with large buttons of mother-of-pearl. Each, too, has a
pipe in his mouth, and a little dumpy watch in his right hand. He
takes a puff and a look, and then a look and a puff. The pig--which is
corpulent and lazy--is occupied now in picking up the stray leaves that
fall from the cabbages, and now in giving a kick behind at the gilt
repeater, which the urchins have also tied to his tail in order to make
him look as handsome as the cat.

Right at the front door, in a high-backed leather-bottomed armed chair,
with crooked legs and puppy feet like the tables, is seated the old man
of the house himself. He is an exceedingly puffy little old gentleman,
with big circular eyes and a huge double chin. His dress resembles that
of the boys--and I need say nothing farther about it. All the difference
is, that his pipe is somewhat bigger than theirs and he can make a
greater smoke. Like them, he has a watch, but he carries his watch in
his pocket. To say the truth, he has something of more importance than a
watch to attend to--and what that is, I shall presently explain. He sits
with his right leg upon his