



Produced by Paul Haxo from page images graciously made
available by the Internet Archive and the University of
California.





SINGLE LIFE;

A COMEDY,

In Three Acts,

BY

JOHN BALDWIN BUCKSTONE, ESQ.,

(MEMBER OF THE DRAMATIC AUTHORS' SOCIETY,)

AS PERFORMED AT THE

THEATRE ROYAL, HAY-MARKET.

CORRECTLY PRINTED FROM THE PROMPTER'S COPY, WITH THE
CAST OF CHARACTERS, COSTUME, SCENIC ARRANGEMENT,
SIDES OF ENTRANCE AND EXIT, AND RELATIVE
POSITIONS OF THE DRAMATIS PERSONAE.

SPLENDIDLY ILLUSTRATED WITH AN ETCHING,
BY PIERCE EGAN, THE YOUNGER, FROM A DRAWING TAKEN
DURING THE REPRESENTATION.

LONDON:
CHAPMAN AND HALL, 186, STRAND.



"NASSAU STEAM PRESS,"
W. S. JOHNSON, 6, NASSAU STREET, SOHO.



Dramatis Personae and Costume.

_First produced, Tuesday, July 23rd, 1839._



BACHELORS.

MR. JOHN NIGGLE _(A fluctuating bachelor.)_   }
Light drab coat, white waistcoat, nankeen     } MR. WEBSTER.
pantaloons, white stockings, shoes, white wig }
tied in a tail, white hat                     }

MR. DAVID DAMPER _(A woman-hating bachelor.)_ }
Brown coat with black horn buttons, old       }
fashioned dark figured silk waistcoat, black  } MR. STRICKLAND.
pantaloons, hessian boots, iron-grey wig,     }
broad-brimmed hat                             }

MR. PETER PINKEY _(A bashful bachelor.)_      }
Lavender coloured coat, white waistcoat,      }
white trowsers, pink socks, pumps, pink silk  } MR. BUCKSTONE.
neckerchief, pink gloves, pink watch ribbon,  }
low crowned hat and cane, flaxen fashionably  }
dressed wig                                   }

MR. NARCISSUS BOSS _(A self-loving            }
bachelor.)_ Fashionable chocolate-coloured    }
Newmarket coat with roses in the buttonhole,  }
elegantly flowered waistcoat, light drab      } MR. W. LACY.
French trowsers with boots, light blue cravat }
exquisitely tied, frilled shirt, hat, and     }
wristbands a la D'Orsay, and the hair dressed }
in the first style of elegance                }


MR. CHARLES CHESTER _(A mysterious            }
bachelor.)_ Dark frock coat, silk waistcoat,  } MR. HEMMING.
light trowsers, French gaiters and shoes,     }
round hat                                     }



SPINSTERS.

MISS CAROLINE COY _(A vilified spinster.)_    }
Grey silk dress, laced shawl and white        } MRS. W. CLIFFORD.
ribbons, white satin bonnet, flowers, long    }
yellow gloves, white reticule                 }

MISS MARIA MACAW _(A man-hating spinster.)_   }
Green silk open dress, white petticoat,       }
figured satin large apron, lace handkerchief, } MRS. GLOVER.
close lace cap and white ribbons, fan, and    }
black rimmed spectacles                       }

MISS KITTY SKYLARK _(A singing spinster.)_    }
White muslin pelisse over blue, chip hat and  } MRS. FITZWILLIAM.
flowers. _(2nd dress.)_ Pink satin and blond  }
flounces                                      }

MISS SARAH SNARE _(An insinuating             }
spinster.)_, _1st dress._ White muslin        }
petticoat, black velvet spencer, pink satin   } MRS. DANSON.
high-crowned bonnet and green feathers. _(2nd }
dress.)_ Green satin and pink ribbons, black  }
wig dressed in high French bows               }

MISS JESSY MEADOWS _(A romantic spinster.)_   }
White muslin dress mittens. _(2nd dress in    } MISS TRAVERS.
the last scene.)_ White lace over white satin }
with roses                                    }


Time of representation, 2 hours.

EXPLANATION OF THE STAGE DIRECTIONS.

L. means first entrance, left. R. first entrance, right. S.E.L. second
entrance, left. S.E.R. second entrance, right. U.E.L. upper entrance,
left. U.E.R. upper entrance, right. C. centre, L.C. left centre. R.C.
right centre. T.E.L. third entrance, left. T.E.R. third entrance,
right. Observing you are supposed to face the audience.



ADVERTISEMENT.

"SINGLE LIFE" is intended as a companion picture to the same author's
Comedy of "MARRIED LIFE;" and as that attempted to illustrate a few of
the humours of the state matrimonial, and interest an audience without
the introduction of any lovers whatever, in going to the opposite
extreme in "SINGLE LIFE," and making his characters "_Lovers all,_" he
has been equally successful in pourtraying some of the vagaries of
courtship, and showing that the democratic region of celibacy has its
bickerings, as well as the most loyal one of "The United States."



SINGLE LIFE.

ACT I.

SCENE I.--_An apartment at MR. NIGGLE'S. A sideboard, with cupboard,
on the U.E.R. Window, with curtains, on the F.E.L. A round table, L.,
chairs, &c._

_MISS SNARE discovered seated at table, L., looking over the books,
&c._

MISS SNA. _(Reading.)_ "The Young Man's best Companion"--a very
excellent book for youth; but at Mr. Niggle's age, he ought to possess
_his_ best companion in a devoted and amiable wife; heigho! What a
treasure _I_ should be to any man that could properly understand me.
_(Takes up another book.)_ "The Epistles of Abelard and Heloise." I am
pleased to see this book on his table, it proves that he possesses a
taste for sentiment of the highest order, and can admire devotedness
and passion under the most trying circumstances. "The Newgate
Calender." Bless the man, what can induce him to have such a book as
this in his house; surely he can have no sympathy with housebreakers
and assassins? I must look to this: should I ever be the mistress
here, some of these volumes must be removed--this furniture too--very
well for a bachelor; but when he is married, a change must be made.
And those curtains, how slovenly they are put up. Ah, any one can
discover the want of a presiding female hand in a bachelor's
house--where is the neatness, the order, and the good taste that
prevails in all the arrangements, where the master of the house is a
married man. If ever I am Mrs. Niggle, down shall come those curtains,
away shall go that sideboard, off shall go those chairs, and as for
this table--let me look at its legs----_(Lifts up the cover and
examines the legs of it.)_

[_DAMPER peeps in, F.E.L._

DAM. Hollo! hollo!

MISS SNA. Oh! how you frightened me.

DAM. It's a very suspicious thing when an old maid examines a
bachelor's furniture.

MISS SNA. Good morning, Mr. Damper, I was merely observing Mr.
Niggle's table legs.

DAM. (L.) Ah! when an old maid finds herself on her own last legs,
'tis time she should observe those of other people.

MISS SNA. (L.) What a censorious man you are, Mr. Damper, you rail at
our sex as if you considered it man's natural enemy, instead of his
best friend. Is it possible that you have never loved a woman in all
your life?

DAM. I love a woman! Ugh! I look upon you all as the first great cause
of every evil.

MISS SNA. For, like most first great causes, you don't understand us.

DAM. If I don't, I have no wish to acquire any such useless knowledge.
May I ask what you want at my friend Niggle's, so early in the
morning: some conspiracy, I'll be bound. I wont allow it, Miss Snare;
if you think to inveigle him into matrimony, you'll find yourself
mistaken; he shall never marry, if I can prevent him making such a
ninny of himself.

MISS SNA. It is entirely through your interference, I have been told,
that he is in a state of celibacy; and, though the poor gentleman is
now fifty-five, yet ever since he arrived at years of discretion, he
has been sighing and pining for a wife.

DAM. He would have been a ruined man long ago, but for me; five times
have I saved him from the matrimonial precipice.

MISS SNA. How did you save him?

DAM. How? I have discovered his intention to marry, and knowing how
nervous he is upon the subject, I have always interfered in time, told
him in strong language the evils he was bringing upon his head,
brought instances of married misery so plainly before his eyes, that I
have frightened him out of his wits; and one morning, eight years ago,
he was actually dressed and on his way to church to unite himself to
some designing woman, when I luckily met him, and dragged him back
again by the collar.

MISS SNA. And he had to pay five hundred pounds damages, in an action
for breach of promise.

DAM. But he purchased independence and happiness with the money. I
have been his best friend through life; didn't I go out with him when
he was challenged by a young lady's brother, twenty years ago, because
I made him relinquish his attentions to her? And though he has been
shot at and caned, and has paid damages in two actions for breach of
promise, yet by meeting those small evils, he has escaped that far
greater one--_a wife;_ and every morning when he rises a free man, I
know he invokes a blessing on my head. _(Sits at table, L.)_

MISS SNA. _(Aside.)_ Oh, you monster, you ought to be poisoned. _(Sits
R.)_

[_NIGGLE opens folding doors at back, and looks at them._

NIG. Why the deuce don't they go away? What do they want here?
Confound them!

[_Disappears._

DAM. Where is Niggle? I wish most particularly to see him. Has he
shown himself yet?

MISS SNA. I have been waiting for him this half hour, to solicit his
vote for a beadle.

DAM. A beadle! To persuade him to call on the parish clerk, more
likely. It wont do, Miss Snare, you don't catch him in _your_ net.
_(Aside.)_ Surely it can't be this dangerous woman that he is going to
make a fool of himself with. She sha'n't have him--nobody shall have
him.

[_NIGGLE peeps from doors, again._

NIG. I wish they'd go.

DAM. _(Seeing him.)_ Hollo! there you are; come here, sir, and let me
examine you.

NIG. _(Advancing, C.)_ David, I will no longer allow this continued
intrusion on my privacy; and, Miss Snare, I do not wish to offend, but
really your continued calls upon _me_, at all hours, are somewhat
indecorous. The neighbours begin to talk, and I must check them. What
may you want this morning?

MISS SNA. I am sure, sir, I was not aware that my friendly visits
could cause anybody to talk, or at least be annoying to you; however,
I shall not intrude again--you know why I called yesterday.

NIG. To give me a pincushion, made by yourself, in the form of a
heart.

DAM. A dead set at you, John, clear as daylight--a dead set at you.
Oh! miss, I'm ashamed of you.

MISS SNA. For what, sir? He complained, a few days since, that he was
without a pincushion, and could never recollect to purchase one; and
where was the harm, sir, in my supplying such a trifling want: I shall
not be so attentive _again_, be assured. As for my call this morning,
it was on parish business--a motive of charity; but since my little
acts of friendship are so sternly checked, of course those of charity
must suffer at the same time. And I did hope to have your company to
tea, to-morrow.

NIG. Well, well, I know and appreciate your motives; but you always
contrive to call when I'm occupied, when I don't want to be
disturbed--and _this_ morning, I particularly wish to be quite alone.
_(Double knock without.)_ Another call! Dear, dear, that is the worst
of being a bachelor; everybody walks into his house whenever they
please--no announcement, no ceremony, in they bounce with--"How are
you? how do? only _me_." And sit themselves down, and take up this,
and throw down that. Oh, I wish I had the courage to take a wife.
_(Looking at his watch.)_ How the time is getting on--quarter past
nine--we were to have been at church at ten, the latest. _(MISS KITTY
SKYLARK heard without, running a cadence.)_ Oh, dear! it's that
abominable singing lady; what the deuce brings her here? Her
conversation is so interspersed with singing, that she's a complete
human burletta--I shall never get rid of her. How shall I escape out
of the house.

_MISS KITTY SKYLARK enters, F.E.L., with a roll of music in her hand._

MISS SKY. Oh, good morning, good people--didn't expect to find any one
here so early. I've got it for you, Mr. Niggle.

NIG. Got what?

MISS SKY. The song that you were trying to sing the other evening,
"The Bay of Biscay," you know you first got out of tune, then you
broke down altogether. I have bought the correct copy for you, and, if
you'll allow me, I'll teach it you. _(Sings.)_ "As we lay, all that
day, in the bay--" that's where you went astray, in the high note--"In
the bay--" You must practice it twenty times a day--"Of Biscay, O!"

NIG. You're very kind, indeed, miss; but this morning, I've no time to
practice high notes. _(Aside.)_ I must turn them all out by force.

MISS SKY. Well, well, any other day then. I've a charming song for
_you_, Mr. Damper, just suited to your deep bass. _(Sings.)_ "While
the wolf with nightly prowl"----An excellent song for you--you hate us
women, you know; and, as the savage wolf howls at the sweet and
silvery moon, so do you rail at us radiant creatures. Ah! good
morning, Miss Snare, I've not forgotten _you_ either; I've picked up
an old ditty that will be the very thing for you. _(Sings.)_ "Nobody
coming to marry me, nobody coming to woo--wo--o--o--o--woo--o----"

MISS SNA. Insulting creature! _(Regards her with every expression of
contempt.)_

[_MISS SKYLARK_ points out the notes on paper to NIGGLE, who is
fidgetting to get away._

DAM. _(Aside.)_ Poor Niggle's in a hopeful way; one woman wants to
teach him to sing "The Bay of Biscay," and another is continually
calling on him with pincushions. I must keep my eye upon him.

NIG. _(Aside.)_ Another ten minutes gone. What shall I do? _(Looks at
his watch.)_

MISS SKY. Oh, what do you think, while I was in the music-shop this
morning, I heard such scandal; it seems to be all over the town. I
never was so shocked in all my life--and of a lady, too, that we
always considered so very correct in her conduct.

MISS SNA. Do you allude to Miss Coy?

MISS SKY. I do.

DAM. What, have _you_ heard? so have I.

NIG. _(Looking anxiously from one to another.)_ What? what?

MISS SKY. I cant repeat it, especially as she's an acquaintance; were
it a stranger, I should not hesitate; but to retail anything against
one's _friends_, is so ungenerous.

DAM. Come here. Was it that she----_(Whispers.)_

MISS SKY. Yes. Could you have believed it?

DAM. Oh, woman, woman, just like you.

MISS SNA. I think I can guess the nature of the report--quite a
full-grown young man, I hear.

DAM. Quite full-grown--five-and-twenty.

MISS SNA. Shocking! shocking!

MISS SKY. Dreadful!

DAM. Horrible!

NIG. What is it? Am I to be the only person in ignorance of anything
derogatory to the reputation of Miss Coy?

MISS SKY. The fact is, Mr. Niggle, we don't wish to wound your
feelings. Oh, you sly man, do you think your attentions to Miss Coy,
have passed unnoticed. Gallanting her home from parties, running of
errands for her, sitting on a post opposite to her window of an
evening, when the weather has been mild enough, taking walks, and
taking tea, and playing at double dummy by moonlight. Oh, shocking!
shocking! _(Sings.)_ "Can love be controlled by advice? Will Cupid his
mother obey."

NIG. Pray don't be musical at such a moment, miss, pray, don't. _One_
shakes her head and cries "shocking," another ejaculates "dreadful