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  PUNCH,

  OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

  VOLUME 147

  July 8, 1914

  CHARIVARIA.

LORD BRASSEY is said to be annoyed at the way in which his recent
adventure at Kiel was exaggerated. He landed, it seems, on the mole of
the Kaiser Dockyard, not noticing a warning to trespassers--and certain
of our newspapers proceeded at once to make a mountain out of the mole.

       * * *

Mr. ROOSEVELT'S American physician, Dr. ALEXANDER LAMBERT, has confirmed
the advice of his European physicians that the EX-PRESIDENT must have
four months' rest and must keep out of politics absolutely for that
period; and it is said that President WILSON is also of the opinion that
the distinguished invalid owes it to his country to keep quiet for a
time.

       * * *

At the farewell banquet to Lord GLADSTONE members of the Labour Unions
surrounded the hotel and booed loudly with a view to making the speeches
inaudible. As the first serious attempt to protect diners from an orgy
of oratory this incident deserves recording.

       * * *

There appear to have been some amusing misfits in the distribution of
prizes at the recent Midnight Ball. For example a young lady of
pronounced sobriety, according to _The Daily Chronicle_, secured a case
of whisky and went about asking if she could get it changed for perfume.
Whisky is, of course, essentially a man's perfume.

       * * *

There are One Woman Shows as well as One Man Shows in these days. An
invitation to be present at a certain function in connection with a
certain charitable institution announces:--

"ATHLETIC SPORTS AND DISTRIBUTION OF PRIZES by LADY ---- ----."

       * * *

Some surprise is being expressed in non-legal circles that the actress
who lost the case which she brought against SANDOW, LIMITED, for
depicting her as wearing one of their corsets, did not apply for stays
of execution.

       * * *

Quite a number of our picture galleries are now closed, and it has been
suggested that, with the idea of reconciling the public to this state of
affairs, there shall be displayed conspicuously at the entrance to the
buildings the reminder, "_Ars est celare artem_."

       * * *

_The Gentlewoman_, by the way, which is publishing a series of articles
entitled "Woman's Work at the 1914 Academy," omits to show us photos of
Mr. SARGENT'S and Mr. CLAUSEN'S paintings after certain women had worked
upon them.

       * * *

The Admiralty dismisses as "a silly rumour" the report that one of our
new first-class destroyers is to be named _The Suffragette_.

       * * *

In Mr. STEPHEN PHILLIPS' play, _The Sin of David_, we are to see
Cavaliers and Roundheads. This will be a welcome change, for in most of
the theatres nowadays one sees a preponderance of Deadheads.

       * * *

The intrepid photographer again! _The Illustrated London News_
advertises:--

PHOTOGRAVURE PRESENTATION PLATE OF

GENERAL BOOTH AND
MRS. BRAMWELL BOOTH

LIONS PHOTOGRAPHED AT 5 YARDS'
DISTANCE.

       * * *

Once upon a time Red Indians used to kidnap Whites. Last week, Mrs. W.
BOWMAN CUTTER, a wealthy widow of seventy, living at Boston,
Massachusetts, eloped with her 21-year-old Red-skin chauffeur.

       * * *

A memorial to a prize-fighter who was beaten by TOM SAYERS was unveiled
at Nottingham last week. Should this idea of doing honour to defeated
British heroes spread to those of to-day our sculptors should have a
busy time.

       * * *

A visitor to Scarborough nearly lost his motor-car in the sands at Filey
last week: it sank up to the bonnet and was washed by the sea before it
was hauled to safety by four horses. Neptune is said to have been not a
little annoyed at the car's escape, as he realises that his old chariot
drawn by sea-horses is now sadly _demode_.

       * * *

A new organisation, called "The League of Wayfarers," has been formed.
Its members apparently consist of "child policemen," who undertake to
protect wild flowers. How it is going to be done we do not quite
understand. Presumably, small boys will hide behind, say, dandelions,
and emit a loud roar