



Produced by Fox in the Stars, Jan-Fabian Humann and the
Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net






NO PLAYS EXCHANGED.

BAKER'S EDITION OF PLAYS


Freezing a Mother-in-Law


WALTER H. BAKER & CO.
BOSTON

COPYRIGHT, 1889, BY WALTER H. BAKER & CO.




Transcriber's Note:

Words printed in italics are noted with underscores; _italics_. Words
printed in bold are noted with tildes; ~bold~.




Plays for Amateur Theatricals.

BY GEORGE M. BAKER

_Author of "Amateur Dramas," "The Mimic Stage," "The Social Stage,"
"The Drawing-Room Stage," "Handy Dramas," "The Exhibition Dramas," "A
Baker's Dozen," etc._

    ~Titles in this Type are New Plays.~

    ~_Titles in this Type are Temperance Plays._~


DRAMAS.

_In Four Acts._

~Better than Gold.~ 7 male, 4 female char.                       25


_In Three Acts._

~Our Folks.~ 6 male, 5 female char.                              15

~The Flower of the Family.~ 5 male, 3 female char.               15

ENLISTED FOR THE WAR. 7 male, 3 female char.                     15

MY BROTHER'S KEEPER. 5 male, 3 female char.                      15

~_The Little Brown Jug._~ 5 male, 3 female char.                 15


_In Two Acts._

~Above the Clouds.~ 7 male, 3 female char.                       15

~One Hundred Years Ago.~ 7 male, 4 female char.                  15

AMONG THE BREAKERS. 6 male, 4 female char.                       15

BREAD ON THE WATERS. 5 male, 3 female char.                      15

DOWN BY THE SEA. 6 male, 3 female char.                          15

ONCE ON A TIME. 4 male, 2 female char.                           15

~_The Last Loaf._~ 5 male, 3 female char.                        15


_In One Act._

STAND BY THE FLAG. 5 male char.                                  15

~_The Tempter._~ 3 male, 1 female char.                          15


COMEDIES AND FARCES.

~A Mysterious Disappearance.~ 4 male, 3 female char.             15

~Paddle Your Own Canoe.~ 7 male, 3 female char.                  15

~_A Drop too Much._~ 4 male, 2 female char.                      15

~_A Little More Cider._~ 5 male, 3 female char.                  15

A THORN AMONG THE ROSES. 2 male, 6 female char.                  15

NEVER SAY DIE. 3 male, 3 female char.                            15

SEEING THE ELEPHANT. 6 male, 3 female char.                      15

THE BOSTON DIP. 4 male, 3 female char.                           15

THE DUCHESS OF DUBLIN. 6 male, 4 female char.                    15

THIRTY MINUTES FOR REFRESHMENTS. 4 male, 3 female
char.                                                            15

~_We're all Teetotalers._~ 4 male, 2 female char.                15


_Male Characters Only._

A CLOSE SHAVE. 6 char.                                           15

A PUBLIC BENEFACTOR. 6 char.                                     15

A SEA OF TROUBLES. 8 char.                                       15

A TENDER ATTACHMENT. 7 char.                                     15

COALS OF FIRE. 6 char.                                           15

FREEDOM OF THE PRESS. 8 char.                                    15

~Shall Our Mothers Vote?~ 11 char.                               15

GENTLEMEN OF THE JURY. 12 char.                                  15

HUMORS OF THE STRIKE. 8 char.                                    15

MY UNCLE THE CAPTAIN. 6 char.                                    15

NEW BROOMS SWEEP CLEAN. 6 char.                                  15

THE GREAT ELIXIR. 9 char.                                        15

THE HYPOCHONDRIAC. 3 char.                                       15

~_The Man with the Demijohn._~ 4 char.                           15

THE RUNAWAYS. 4 char.                                            15

THE THIEF OF TIME. 6 char.                                       15

WANTED, A MALE COOK. 4 char.                                     15


_Female Characters Only._

A LOVE OF A BONNET. 5 char.                                      15

A PRECIOUS PICKLE. 6 char.                                       15

NO CURE NO PAY. 7 char.                                          15

THE CHAMPION OF HER SEX. 8 char.                                 15

THE GREATEST PLAGUE IN LIFE. 8 char.                             15

THE GRECIAN BEND. 7 char.                                        15

THE RED CHIGNON. 6 char.                                         15

USING THE WEED. 7 char.                                          15


ALLEGORIES.

_Arranged for Music and Tableaux._

LIGHTHART'S PILGRIMAGE. 8 female char.                           15

THE REVOLT OF THE BEES. 9 female char.                           15

THE SCULPTOR'S TRIUMPH. 1 male, 4 female char.                   15

THE TOURNAMENT OF IDYLCOURT. 10 female char.                     15

THE WAR OF THE ROSES. 8 female char.                             15

THE VOYAGE OF LIFE. 8 female char.                               15


MUSICAL AND DRAMATIC.

AN ORIGINAL IDEA. 1 male, 1 female.                              15

BONBONS; OR, THE PAINT KING. 6 male, 1 female char.              25

CAPULETTA; OR, ROMEO AND JULIET 15 RESTORED. 3 male,
1 female char.                                                   15

SANTA CLAUS' FROLICS.                                            15

SNOW-BOUND; OR, ALONZO THE BRAVE AND THE FAIR IMOGENE.
3 male, 1 female char.                                           25

THE MERRY CHRISTMAS OF THE OLD WOMAN WHO LIVED IN A
SHOE.                                                            15

THE PEDLER OF VERY NICE. 7 male char.                            15

THE SEVEN AGES. A Tableau Entertainment. Numerous
male and female char.                                            15

TOO LATE FOR THIS TRAIN. 2 male char.                            15

THE VISIONS OF FREEDOM. 11 female char.                          15


WALTER H. BAKER & CO., 23 Winter St., Boston.




FREEZING A MOTHER-IN-LAW

OR

SUSPENDED ANIMATION

A Farce in One Act


BY

T. E. PEMBERTON


BOSTON
Walter H. Baker & Co.
PUBLISHERS




CHARACTERS.


    MR. WATMUFF          _Attached to the past_
    FERDINAND SWIFT      _His nephew, attached to fortune hunting_
    WALTER LITHERLAND    _Attached to Emily Watmuff_
    MRS. WATMUFF         _Attached to the memory of her parents_
    EMILY                _Her daughter, attached to Walter Litherland_

                 *       *       *       *       *

COSTUMES.--Modern and appropriate.




FREEZING A MOTHER-IN-LAW.


SCENE.--MR. WATMUFF'S _library_. _Entrances_, R. _and_ L. _At_ L.C. _a
door opening to a cupboard. At_ R. _table, with books and a bottle of
water on it. A screen stands close to door_, R. WALTER LITHERLAND _and_
EMILY WATMUFF _discovered_.


EMILY. And so we must part forever!

WALTER. For the thirteenth time, my darling, I must, in reply to that
remark of yours, say--I don't see why.

EMILY. Ah! Walter, you do not know who rules this house.

WALTER. I may be wrong, but I was always under the impression that your
mother did.

EMILY. Ah! then you do know. I was afraid you would think that my poor
father was the master of it.

WALTER. I know that the house is let to your father; but I confess, my
dearest, that I have observed that he has sub-let himself to your
respected mother.

EMILY. And she has declared that she will _never_ give her consent to
our engagement.

WALTER. But your father has given his, and that is a great point
gained.

EMILY. It may be a great point, but it is a very useless one. Mamma
always has her own way. She pronounced her decision this morning, and
when you quit the house to-day orders will be given that you are never
allowed to enter it again.

WALTER. Then clearly I must not quit it. I am a great believer in
diplomacy, Emily. To go at the present time directly against your
revered mother's will would be utterly to lose you; to lose you, my
darling, would be far more than to lose my life; therefore, I have
determined to humor your respected parent, until the fortunes of war
give me an opportunity of ingratiating myself with her. Hush! She
approaches. Now rely upon me, and in every way back me up.

      (_Enter_ MRS. WATMUFF, _door_ L.)

MRS. W. (_glaring indignantly at_ WALTER). Still here, sir! I thought
that you had been instructed by my husband to quit these premises.

WALTER. Madam, I am much to blame. That the wishes expressed, I am
sure, after mature deliberation, of Mr. Watmuff and yourself, have been
communicated to me, I cannot deny--and yet--I linger here.

MRS. W. Linger no longer, sir; but obey our behest.

WALTER. I am, madam, about to do so; but since this interview with my
dear Emily must be my last--

MRS. W. _Your_ dear Emily! By what right, sir, do you speak of my
daughter as _your_ dear Emily?

EMILY. Because, mamma, I have consented--

MRS. W. How, girl! This to my face? To your chamber, miss.

WALTER. Again, madam, I have to own myself in the wrong. It is _your_
dear Emily to whom I have come to bid a long farewell.

MRS. W. A short farewell, sir, is all that is necessary--and more than
I shall allow. My domestics will have instructions to remove you,
within five minutes, from this domain. What ho! there--cook and
serving-maid!

      (_Exit_ MRS. WATMUFF, _door_ L.)

EMILY. Walter, surely you do not mean to give me up!

WALTER. My darling, do you--can you--doubt me? I shall never give you
up; but I am convinced that our only course is to temporize. Your
mother is, to say the least of it, arbitrary; but does she not give me
a glorious chance of proving the strength of my affection for you?

EMILY. How, dearest?

WALTER. I am prepared to marry you, my darling, even during her
lifetime.

      (_Enter_ MR. WATMUFF, _door_ R.)

EMILY. Oh, papa, I am in sad trouble. Mamma still withholds her
consent.

MR. W. My dear child, your mother, with the exception of her tongue,
has a habit of withholding everything.

EMILY. And she has ordered Walter to quit the house.

MR. W. Well, my dear, beyond a not unnatural feeling of envy for
Walter, I don't feel that I can express any sentiment on the subject. I
have given my consent.

EMILY. But of what use is it?

MR. W. Not much, my dear, I must own. But I thought you might derive
some comfort from it.

EMILY. Do you know that mamma is now giving orders to the cook and
housemaid to remove poor Walter by force?

MR. W. My dear child, it is, I must admit, an extreme measure. But what
can I do?

EMILY. You ought not to brook such treatment.

MR. W. Dearest love, I don't know that I do brook it; because I never
mastered the full meaning of that word. But even if I did, how can I
unbrook it?

WALTER. My dear sir, I think I comprehend your position better than
poor Emily does; and, indeed, I have been trying to persuade her that
our better plan is to yield to the storm until it has passed. We must
remember the old fable of the oak and the willow.

MR. W. It has been Mrs. Watmuff's good fortune to dwell in a perfect
grove of willows since the day of her birth. I confess that I have
yielded so long that I am limp with yielding.

WALTER. And I mean to yield only so far as to retain strength for a
final spring, and a final growth in a right and firm direction. Come,
Emily, be guided by me, and I promise you all shall be well. If I
remain here a moment longer I fear the storm may burst, and at present
we are both too oak-like to stand it.

      (_Exeunt_ EMILY _and_ WALTER, _door_ R.)

MR. W. That's a remarkably sanguine young man; but, then, he's at the
sanguine time of life. I was sanguine myself once--remarkably sanguine;
and then I married Mrs. Watmuff--or, rather, I should say, she married
me. I believe that there is a ceremony which, in polite language, is
termed asking the dearly-beloved object of your affections "the
momentous question," and in vulgar parlance is called "popping the
question." I may honestly say that I neither popped nor momented.
Looking back on a long vista of years, I cannot for the life of me
remember any period when I was engaged; I only remember being free, and
being--well--married. Marriages, they say, are made in Heaven. I don't
want to be irreverent, but sometimes I can't help wishing that Heaven
had left me, as the charity cards say, "totally unprovided for." But my
provision approaches.

      (_Enter_ MRS. WATMUFF, _door_ L.)

MRS. W. (_sits_ L.). So, Mr. Watmuff, I find you alone. I am fortunate.
Sit down, sit down, sir. I repeat, I am fortunate.

MR. W. (_sits_, R.). My dear, I am very glad to hear it. Fortune, they
say, favors the--

MRS. W. A truce, sir, to ribaldry. The time has come when a definite
understanding should exist between us.

MR. W. My dear, so far as I am concerned, a _very_ definite
understanding has existed for a very long time.

MRS. W. Peace, vain scoffer! and hear me. Our daughter, Mr. Watmuff, is
of an age to wed.

MR. W. My love, I am given to understand that she also is of that
opinion.

MRS. W. And of this crisis in the life of our only child you make an
opportunity to fly in my face.

MR. W. Do I, my dear? I was not aware of it.

MRS. W. Do you not directly encourage the advances of a suitor who is
to me in every way distasteful?

MR. W. But, my love, on what grounds? On what grounds?

MRS. W. Grounds, Mr. Watmuff--grounds! You speak of your daughter as
though she were so much coffee. Is it not enough that I object to the
addresses of this young upstart?

MR. W. My dear, it is quite enough. I may say that it is more than
enough. But what was I to do? I always liked Walter. You know that I
dote on Emily. They come to me, tell me that they love each other, and
ask for my blessing. I happen to have a blessing by me, and I give it
them.

MRS. W. And without a thought of me--_me_, the partner of your joys and
sorrows--_me_, the ruling spirit of your existence. You have no right
to dispose of a blessing of your own, Mr. Watmuff--you have not got
one. Such a blessing is a curse.

MR. W. Well, my love, whatever it is, they've got it, and they seem to
like it, so far, well enough. But--

MRS. W. A truce--a truce, I say.

MR. W. A truce, by all means; but as for Walter Litherland--

MRS. W. Walter Litherland never marries daughter of mine, Mr. Watmuff.
It is enough. I have said it. I married to gratify my parents. Emily
will marry to gratify me.

MR. W. My love, may I, with all deference, venture to remind you that
your respected and beloved parents were, when I first had the pleasure
of making your acquaintance, what may be called "no more."

MRS. W. Silence, mocker of the dead. They had gone to their reward. But
I lived to obey their wishes.

MR. W. Oh, and was _I_ one of them?

MRS. W. In the abstract, yes. What did I find you?

MR. W. My dear, don't allude to that. You did not find me much; but I
am not an avaricious man, and as I said at the time, what I looked for
in a wife was not so much money as--

M