VOL. 146, MAY 20, 1914***


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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI

VOL. 146

MAY 20, 1914







CHARIVARIA.


It is comforting to know that we need not yet despair of human nature.
Even the most abandoned politician may have one redeeming quality. For
example, _The Express_ tells us that Mr. WINSTON CHURCHILL is a reader
of _The Express._

       * * *

It is reported to be the intention of General BOTHA to visit this
country in June or July, and the Labour Party here are said to be
already taking steps with a view to having him deported as an
undesirable.

       * * *

If Mr. HENRY CHAPLIN has been correctly reported he is even more of a
reactionary than most of his opponents imagined. In the course of the
debate on the Sunday Closing Bill he is said to have delivered himself
as follows:--"Drunkenness is diminishing, and I say Thank God; long may
it continue." The pious ejaculation would seem to be an expression of
gratitude for the joys of inebriety.

       * * *

"Does the nightingale really boycott the land of Llewelyn and Mr. Lloyd
George--and why?" asks an anxious inquirer in a contemporary. If it is
so we suspect the reason is a fear on the part of the bird that the
CHANCELLOR may get to know of the rich quality of his notes and tax him
out of existence.

       * * *

Mr. GEORGE STOREY has been elected a Royal Academician. This will
surprise no one. Burlington House has always favoured the Storey
picture. And as regards Mr. H. S. TUKE, who was promoted at the same
time, his serial tale, "Three Boys and a Boat," has now been running for
quite a number of years.

       * * *

"English," says Mr. BALFOUR, "is abominably difficult." But Erse is
worse.

       * * *

Despatched at Teddington twenty-three years ago a postcard has just been
delivered at Walton-on-Thames. The postal authorities trust that the
publication of this fact will induce people to exercise a little
patience when they do not receive correspondence which they expect,
instead of at once jumping to the conclusion that it has been lost.

       * * *

As a consequence of recent outrages at the Royal Academy the Council is
reported to be testing "unbreakable glass." No doubt the Indestructible
Paint Company is also circularising artists.

       * * *

A man walking across St. Paul's Churchyard gave a remarkable exhibition
of presence of mind one day last week. He was knocked down under a
motor-omnibus, but managed so to arrange himself that the wheels passed
clear of him. Cinema operators will be obliged if he will give them due
notice of any intention to repeat the turn.

       * * *

"The London General Omnibus Company advertises itself, so why shouldn't
we?" said the L.C.C. Tramways--so they had a nice little collision on
the Embankment last week.

       * * *

At the second annual celebration of "Mothers' Day" at the London Central
Y.M.C.A., an eloquent address was delivered by the secretary of the
association, Mr. VIRGO. The thought that, in spite of his name, this
gentleman, try as he might, could never become a mother is said to have
raised a lump in the throat of many a member of the audience.

       * * *

We are glad to hear that "Hospital Egg Week" has been a success. We find
it difficult, however, to believe one account, which states that
sufficient new-laid eggs have been contributed to last the whole year.

       * * *

"If Adam had lived till now," says Mr. SNOWDEN, "and had worked hard at
honest labour the whole time, and had been a thrifty man withal, he
would not have had an income like some of those enjoyed to-day." Mr.
SNOWDEN is apparently presuming that ADAM'S wife would have lived as
long as her husband.

       * * *

At his examination in bankruptcy a Clacton monumental mason attributed
his failure to the healthfulness of the neighbourhood. Suggested motto
for Clacton funeral artists: "_ Si monumentum requiris_--go elsewhere."

       * * *

Among probable forthcoming improvements at the Zoological Gardens is the
provision of a band on Sunday. But one great difficulty, we imagine,
will be to persuade the laughing hyena and certain other rowdy animals
not to take part in the performances.

       * * *

The didactic drama is with us again, and this time we are to be taught
to feel affection for the unpopular. _Love Cheats_ is the hortatory
title of a play to be produced by Miss HORNIMAN'S company next month.

       * * *

Mr. MARGAM JONES has written a volume entitled _Angels in Wales._
Nonconformists, we presume.

       *       *       *       *       *

Illustration: THE NEW DRESS.

"Going along Oxford Street, are you? I should love to come with you, but
it