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HUMOUR OF THE NORTH



SELECTED AND ARRANGED BY

LAWRENCE J. BURPEE



TORONTO
THE MUSSON BOOK COMPANY
LIMITED


_Entered at
Stationers' Hall_
1912




INTRODUCTORY NOTE


Some day an enterprising editor may find time to glean from the whole
field of Canadian literature a representative collection of wit and
humour. It would include the productions of such acknowledged humorists
as Thomas Chandler Haliburton and George Thomas Lanigan, as well as
specimens of characteristic humour from writers who are better
remembered by their more serious work. It would also include a great
deal of genuine wit and humour, largely anonymous, in such Canadian
periodicals as _Grip_, _Punch in Canada_, the _Grumbler_, the _Free
Lance_, and _Diogenes_; and characteristic passages from the speeches
of such brilliant and witty debaters as Thomas D'Arcy McGee, Joseph
Howe, and Nicholas Flood Davin. The present little collection obviously
makes no such ambitious claim. It embraces, however, what are believed
to be representative examples of the work of some of our better-known
writers, many of which will no doubt be quite familiar to Canadian
readers, but perhaps none the less welcome on that account.

For permission to reproduce these selections the Editor is indebted to
the authors or their representatives, and in the case of the late Dr.
Drummond he is also indebted to the publishers, G. P. Putnam's Sons,
New York. The selection from Joseph Howe's work is taken from his
_Poems and Essays_; Haliburton's sketches are taken from _The Old
Judge_; those of Dr. Drummond from _The Habitant_, _Johnnie Courteau_,
and _The Voyageur_; that of Mrs. Cotes from her _Social Departure_;
McCarroll's poem from _Madeleine_; Lanigan's Fables from the little
volume published under that title; and DeMille's selection from _The
Dodge Club_. Lanigan's humorous verse was never brought together in
book form.

Ottawa,
_August, 1910_.




CONTENTS


                                                         PAGE

JOSEPH HOWE (1804-1873):
  The Blue Nose                                             1
  To Mary                                                   3
  A Toast (To Haliburton)                                   5

THOMAS CHANDLER HALIBURTON (1796-1865):
  Sheepskins and Politics                                   8
  The Doctor                                               11
  Mother Hunt's Chickens                                   15
  The Deacon's Bargain                                     19

WILLIAM HENRY DRUMMOND (1854-1907):
  The Corduroy Road                                        22
  Dominique                                                30
  How Bateese came Home                                    34

MRS. EVERARD COTES (1862-):
  The Japanese Reporter                                    46

JAMES McCARROLL (1814-1890):
  The Gray Linnet                                          59

GEORGE THOMAS LANIGAN (1845-1886):
  The Ahkoond of Swat                                      61
  The Amateur Orlando                                      64
  The Plumber's Revenge                                    71
  The Merchant of Venice                                   77
  The Unfortunate Elephant                                 78
  The Coroner and the Banana Peel                          79
  The Rhinoceros and the Dromedary                         80
  The Hen and the Tailor                                   82
  The Glow-worm and the Famished Nightingale               83
  The Centipede and the Barbaric Yak                       85
  The Honest Newsboy                                       87
  The Villager and the Snake                               88
  The Ostrich and the Hen                                  90

JAMES DEMILLE (1836-1880):
  The Senator's Laundry                                    91




HUMOUR OF THE NORTH




THE BLUE NOSE


    Let the Student of Nature in rapture descant,
      On the Heaven's cerulean hue;
    Let the Lover indulge in poetical rant,
      When the eyes of his Mistress are blue.

    But fill high your glasses--fill, fill to the brim,
      I've a different toast to propose:
    While such eyes, and such skies, still are beaming for him,
      Here's a health to the jolly Blue Nose.

    Let the Frenchman delight in his vine-covered vales,
      Let the Greek toast his old classic ground;
    Here's the land where the bracing Northwester prevails,
      And where jolly Blue Noses abound.

    Long--long may it flourish, to all of us dear,
      Loved and honoured by hearts that are true;
    But, should ever a foe chance his nose to show here
      He shall find all our Noses true Blue.




TO MARY


    Oh! blame me not, Mary, for gazing at you,
      Nor suppose that my thoughts from the Preacher were straying,
    Tho' I stole a few glances--believe me 'tis true--
      They were sweet illustrations of what he was saying.

    For, when he observed that Perfection was not
      To be found upon Earth--for a moment I bent
    A look upon you--and could swear on the spot
      That perfection in Beauty was not what he meant.

    And when, with emotion, the worthy Divine
      On the doctrine of loving our neighbours insisted,
    I felt, if their forms were as faultless as thine,
      I could love every soul of them while I existed.

    And Mary, I'm sure 'twas the fault of those eyes--
      'Twas the lustre of them to the error gave birth--
    That, while he spoke of Angels that dwelt in the Skies,
      I was gazing with rapture at one upon Earth.




A TOAST


    Here's a health to thee, Tom: a bright bumper we drain
      To the friends that our bosoms hold dear,
    As the bottle goes round, and again and again
      We whisper, "We wish _he_ were here."

    Here's a health to thee, Tom