



Produced by David Edwards, Donalies and the Online
Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This
file was produced from images generously made available
by The Internet Archive)





                         Transcriber’s Notes


Italic markup is enclosed within _underscores_.

Bold markup is enclosed within =equal signs=.

Additional notes appear at the end of the file.




                        ALL THE WORLD’S A STAGE.

                                  THE
                                AMATEUR
                                 DRAMA.

                               GENTLEMEN
                              OF THE JURY

                                BOSTON:
                          GEO. M. BAKER & CO.,
                         149 Washington Street.

  Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1873 by GEORGE M.
   BAKER, in the Office of the Librarian of Congress, at Washington.




                       SPENCER’S UNIVERSAL STAGE.

 _A Collection of COMEDIES, DRAMAS, and FARCES, adapted to either Public
     or Private Performance. Containing a full description of all the
                       necessary Stage Business._

             _PRICE, 15 CENTS EACH.    No Plays exchanged._


 1. =Lost in London.= A Drama in Three Acts. 6 Male, 4 Female
    characters.

 2. =Nicholas Flam.= A Comedy in Two Acts. By J. B. Buckstone. 5 Male, 3
    Female characters.

 3. =The Welsh Girl.= A Comedy in One Act. By Mrs. Planche. 3 Male, 2
    Female characters.

 4. =John Wopps.= A Farce in One Act. By W. E. Suter. 4 Male, 2 Female
    characters.

 5. =The Turkish Bath.= A Farce in One Act. By Montague Williams and
    F. C. Burnand. 6 Male, 1 Female character.

 6. =The Two Puddifoots.= A Farce in One Act. By J. M. Morton. 3 Male, 3
    Female characters.

 7. =Old Honesty.= A Comic Drama in Two Acts. By J. M. Morton. 5 Male, 2
    Female characters.

 8. =Two Gentlemen in a Fix.= A Farce in One Act. By W. E. Suter. 2 Male
    characters.

 9. =Smashington Goit.= A Farce in One Act. By T. J. Williams. 5 Male, 3
    Female characters.

 10. =Two Heads Better than One.= A Farce in One Act. By Lenox Horne. 4
    Male, 1 Female character.

 11. =John Dobbs.= A Farce in One Act. By J. M. Morton. 5 Male, 2 Female
    characters.

 12. =The Daughter of the Regiment.= A Drama in Two Acts. By Edward
    Fitzball. 6 Male, 2 Female characters.

 13. =Aunt Charlotte’s Maid.= A Farce in One Act. By J. M. Morton. 3
    Male, 3 Female characters.

 14. =Brother Bill and Me.= A Farce in One Act. By W. E. Suter. 4 Male,
    3 Female characters.

 15. =Done on Both Sides.= A Farce in One Act. By J. M. Morton. 3 Male,
    2 Female characters.

 16. =Dunducketty’s Picnic.= A Farce in One Act. By T. J. Williams. 6
    Male, 3 Female characters.

 17. =I’ve written to Browne.= A Farce in One Act. By T. J. Williams. 4
    Male, 3 Female characters.

 18. =Lending a Hand.= A Farce in One Act. By G. A. A’Becket. 3 Male, 2
    Female characters.

 19. =My Precious Betsy.= A Farce in One Act. By J. M. Morton. 4 Male, 4
    Female characters.

 20. =My Turn Next.= A Farce in One Act. By T. J. Williams. 4 Male, 3
    Female characters.

 21. =Nine Points of the Law.= A Comedy in One Act. By Tom Taylor. 4
    Male, 3 Female characters.

 22. =The Phantom Breakfast.= A Farce in One Act. By Charles Selby. 3
    Male, 2 Female characters.

 23. =Dandelions Dodges.= A Farce in One Act. By T. J. Williams. 4 Male,
    2 Female characters.

 24. =A Slice of Luck.= A Farce in One Act. By J. M. Morton. 4 Male, 2
    Female characters.

 25. =Always Intended.= A Comedy in One Act. By Horace Wigan. 3 Male, 3
    Female characters.

 26. =A Bull in a China Shop.= A Comedy in Two Acts. By Charles
    Matthews. 6 Male, 4 Female characters.

 27. =Another Glass.= A Drama in One Act. By Thomas Morton. 6 Male, 3
    Female characters.

 28. =Bowled Out.= A Farce in One Act. By H. T. Craven. 4 Male, 3 Female
    characters.

 29. =Cousin Tom.= A Commedietta in One Act. By George Roberts. 3 Male,
    2 Female characters.

 30. =Sarah’s Young Man.= A Farce in One Act. By W. E. Suter. 3 Male, 3
    Female characters.

 31. =Hit Him, He has No Friends.= A Farce in One Act. By E. Yates and
    N. H. Harrington. 7 Male, 3 Female characters.

 32. =The Christening.= A Farce in One Act. By J. B. Buckstone. 5 Male,
   6 Female characters.

 33. =A Race for a Widow.= A Farce in One Act. By Thomas J. Williams. 5
    Male, 4 Female characters.

 34. =Your Life’s in Danger.= A Farce in One Act. By J. M. Morton. 3
   Male, 3 Female characters.

 35. =True unto Death.= A Drama in Two Acts. By J. Sheridan Knowles. 6
    Male, 2 Female characters.




                         GENTLEMEN OF THE JURY.

                                A Farce.


                            BY THE AUTHOR OF

                          “Sylvia’s Soldier,”
         “Once on a Time,” “Down by the Sea,” “The Last Loaf,”
 “Bread on the Waters,” “Stand by the Flag,” “The Tempter,” “A Drop too
 Much,” “We’re all Teetotalers,” “A Little more Cider,” “Thirty Minutes
     for Refreshments,” “Wanted, a Male Cook,” “A Sea of Troubles,”
          “Freedom of the Press,” “A Close Shave,” “The Great
            Elixir,” “The Man with the Demijohn,” “Humors of
               the Strike,” “New Brooms sweep Clean,” “My
                Uncle the Captain,” “The Greatest Plague
                   in Life,” “No Cure, no Pay,” “The
                       Grecian Bend,” “War of the
                         Roses,” “Lightheart’s
                              Pilgrimage,”
                                  “The
                               Sculptor’s
                             Triumph,” “Too
                          Late for the Train,”
                       “Snow-Bound,” “The Peddler
                       of Very Nice,” “Bonbons,”
                  “Capuletta,” “An Original Idea,” “My
                Brother’s Keeper,” “Among the Breakers,”
             “The Boston Dip,” “The Duchess of Dublin,” “A
         Tender Attachment,” “Gentlemen of the Jury,” “A Public
      Benefactor,” “The Thief of Time,” “The Hypochondriac,” “The
    Runaways,” “Coals of Fire,” “The Red Chignon,” “Using the Weed,”
         “A Love of a Bonnet,” “A Precious Pickle,” “The Revolt
                    of the Bees,” “The Seven Ages,”
                             &c., &c., &c.


                                BOSTON:
                         GEORGE M. BAKER & CO.,
                         149 WASHINGTON STREET.




       Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1873 by
                            GEORGE M. BAKER,
       in the Office of the Librarian of Congress at Washington.


                _Rand, Avery, & Frye, Printers, Boston._




                         GENTLEMEN OF THE JURY.

                                A FARCE.

                       FOR MALE CHARACTERS ONLY.


                              CHARACTERS.

PELEG PRECISE, Foreman. JOB TIMOROUS, JACOB DOUBTFUL, ABEL STRONGFIST,
  JARVIS JOLLY, SOLOMON SNOWBALL, DENNIS O’ROURKE, NATHAN SHORT, ENOS
  PAUNCH, BRAZEN BLOWER, PETER PUNSTER, SIMEON SLOW, Jurors.


SCENE.——_A Jury Room. Table_, C., _with paper, pens, ink, &c. Twelve
        chairs around stage._

_Enter from_ R. _all the characters, in the order in which their names
  are written, single file, across Stage, and face Audience. Door at_
  R. _is slammed and locked_.

_Timorous._ Good gracious! we’re locked in! (_Rushes across stage to_
R.) Here, officer! officer!

_Slow_ (_at extreme_ R., _catching_ TIMOROUS _by arm, and swinging him
round_). Stop that. It’s all right, you know.

_Timorous._ No, I don’t. I’m afraid of fire——

_Punster_ (_swinging him round to next man_). _What er_ that?

_Timorous._ And subject to fits——

_Blower_ (_ditto_). You’re no _fit_ juror.

_Timorous._ I must have air——

_Paunch_ (_ditto_). Where _air_ you, now?

_Timorous._ Or smother——

_Short_ (_ditto_). Take him to his mother.

_Timorous._ What do you call this treatment?

_O’Rourke_ (_ditto_). The movement cure, bedad.

_Timorous._ It’s outrageous——

_Snowball_ (_ditto_). Da’s a fac’, da’s a fac’, honey.

_Timorous._ Diabolical——

_Jolly_ (_ditto_). Ha, ha! now you go ag’in.

_Timorous._ Infamous!

_Strongfist_ (_ditto_). Move on, stupid.

_Timorous._ I won’t stand it.

_Doubtful_ (_pushes him into chair_). Then sit down.

_Precise_ (_at table_). Gentlemen, be seated. (_All sit._) Before we
discuss the case with which we have been intrusted, perhaps we had
better take a vote.

_Short._ My idea exactly.

_O’Rourke._ Begorra, let’s take something cowld.

_Precise._ We have been instructed to bring a verdict, “Guilty or not
guilty.” Please write your verdict. Here are slips of paper. (_Passes
them round. All write, some on the table, some on chairs_; SNOWBALL
_writes his against the wall_.)

_O’Rourke_ (_approaches_ SNOWBALL). Whist! I say, d’ye write Guilty wid
a G or a J?

_Snowball._ Ob course not. Write him wid a pencil——so.

_O’Rourke._ O, be jabbers! It’s yerself’s a heathen——you ignoramus.

_Precise._ Now, gentlemen, if you are ready. (_Collects votes, spreads
them on table, and assorts._)

_Timorous._ I want a glass of water——I’m faint.

_Strongfist._ Shut up. Don’t disturb the meeting.

_O’Rourke._ Bedad, it’s a glass eye ye’ll be wantin’ if yer do.

_Punster._ His eye waters at the thought.

_Precise._ Gentlemen, the vote stands, six “Guilty,” six “Not guilty.”

_Jolly._ Hallo, a clean cut!

_Short._ Six mules in the crowd, certain.

_O’Rourke._ A majority on both sides, d’ye mind.

_Snowball._ Major who? Major who? Dar ain’t no sogers here, hey, I ax
you?

_Precise._ Well, gentlemen, there’s work before us; and, that we may
know each other, I propose that those who voted “guilty” take seats on
the right, those who voted “not guilty,” on the left.

_Short._ Good. I’m for the right.

_Jolly._ I feel decidedly _guilty_.

_Slow._ And so do I.

_Strongfist._ Right face. March!

_O’Rourke._ Begorra, captain, I’ll train in that company. (_They all
pass to_ R. _as they speak_. DOUBTFUL, TIMOROUS, SNOWBALL, PAUNCH,
PUNSTER, _and_ BLOWER _pass to_ L.)

_Punster._ Though on the left, we’re in the right.

_Paunch._ Well, look here, I’m getting hungry. Ain’t we going to have
our dinner?

_Blower._ You’re always thinking of eating.

_Snowball._ By golly, da’s a fac’. Dat ar Mr. Punch hab an appetite
like an earthquake.

_Paunch._ Bah! what do you know about it? Well, wake me up when you’re
through. (_Tips his chair back against wall, throws his handkerchief
over his face, and falls asleep._)

_Snowball._ Dar, de old man gwine for Morphine.

_Precise._ My vote was “Guilty,” and of course I belong with the party
on the right.

_O’Rourke._ Thrue for yez, honey; and ye’ll find it the party that’s
always right, jist.

_Snowball._ Hold yer hush, hold yer hush!

_O’Rourke._ Vat’s that, ye heathen? I’d jist like to pound that thick
pate till I had yer spachless——so I would. Begorra, ye’d cry Guilty
then.

_Timorous._ O, come, let’s have peace.

_O’Rourke._ Pace, is it? Ye’ve had a pace of my mind, onyhow.

_Precise._ No quarrelling, gentlemen. The quicker we decide this
case the better. The government has charged one Peter Popgun with an
attempt to defraud the revenue of the manufacturer’s tax on gunpowder.
Its secret agents, suspecting said Popgun, made a descent upon his
establishment, which is a country store, seized certain articles, such
as saltpetre, sulphur, and charcoal, which they found in a certain
little back shop, said articles being, in their opinion, used by said
Popgun in the manufacture of gunpowder. The said Popgun denies the
manufacture of gunpowder, and sets up a defence that the said articles
are used by him in concocting a certain patent medicine, known as the
“Medical Dead Shot.” Evidence has been produced on both sides. We
have been charged to bring in a verdict on the evidence alone. I am
quite convinced, by the testimony, that said Popgun did manufacture
gunpowder, and evade the tax. Still, I should like to hear a free
expression of opinion.

_All_ (_jumping up_). Mr. Foreman.

_Precise._ Stop, stop. One at a time.

_All._ Yes, yes; one at a time, Mr. Foreman.

_Precise._ Stop, stop, I say. We can never settle it in this way.

_Strongfist._ Of course we can’t. Let us six fight the other six. That
will settle it.

_O’Rourke._ True for yez. A fray fight. I’m wid yer. (_About to remove
his coat._)

_Precise._ Silence. There can be no fighting here. You all want to
speak. I will call upon each juror, giving both sides equal advantages
of time and opportunity. Is not that fair?

_All._ Certainly. Of course. Go on. Go on.

_Precise._ Very well. I will first call upon Mr. Timorous.

_Timorous_ (_rising_). Mr. Foreman, and gentlemen of the jury. (_Very
low._) I rise——I may say——yes, I rise——

_O’Rourke._ Louder.

_Strongfist._ Speak up like a man.

_Timorous._ I said——I rise——to say, if I may say——I rise to say——

_O’Rourke._ O, be jabbers, you’re all out to say.

(_The party on the_ L., _with the exception of_ PAUNCH, _rise
indignantly_.) Mr. Foreman, Mr. Foreman!

_Precise_ (_pounds on table_). Silence! Order, gentlemen, order.

_Blower._ Mr. Foreman, this attempt of the party on the right to
intimidate the party on the left is unjust.

_Punster._ Far from being righteous or courteous.

_Snowball._ Am we jurors, or am we not jurors? I ax you?

_Precise._ The interruption shall not occur again. Go on, Mr. Timorous.

_Timorous._ If you please, Mr. Foreman, I only rose to say——that, if I
might be allowed to say it——that——I’ve got nothing to say.

_Party on right._ Shame! Humbug! Put him out!

_Precise._ Order, gentlemen.——Have you no reason to give for your vote
of “Not guilty”?

_Timorous._ O, yes; lots. I voted “Guilty,” no, “Not guilty,”
because——well, because——Popgun don’t look like a man who would concoct
such a sanguinary mixture as powder. He hasn’t the air of a ruffian.
His thoughts don’t run in that explosive channel. I’m something of a
physiognomist.

_Snowball._ Mahogany! What’s dat?

_Timorous._ A physiognomist. I judge by the face——

_Party on right._ O, humbug!

_Blower._ Mr. Foreman, I protest. This attempt to stifle the voice of
Justice is a high-handed crime.

_Snowball._ Yes, sar; it’s bigamy, kleptomania, arson.

_Precise._ Order, gentlemen.——Go on, Mr. Timorous.

_T