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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

VOL. 1.



FOR THE WEEK ENDING DECEMBER 4, 1841.

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OFFICIAL REPORT OF THE FIRE AT THE TOWER.

The document with this title, that has got into the newspapers, has been
dressed up for the public eye. We have obtained the original _draft_, and
beg to administer it to our readers _neat_, in the precise language it was
written in.

THE OFFICIAL REPORT.

MR. SNOOKS says, that it being his turn to be on watch on the night of
Saturday, October 30th, he went to his duty as usual, and having turned
into his box, slept until he was amazed by shouts and the rolling of
wheels in all directions. The upper door of his box being open, he looked
out of it, and his head struck violently against something hard, upon
which he attempted to open the lower door of his box, when he found he
could not. Thinking there was something wrong, he became very active in
raising an alarm, but could obtain no attention; and he has since found
that in the hurry of moving property from different parts of the building,
his box had been closely barricaded; and he, consequently, was compelled
to remain in it until the following morning. He says, however, that
everything was quite safe in the middle of the day when he took his
great-coat to his box, and trimmed his lantern ready for the evening.

MRS. SNOOKS, wife of the above witness, corroborates the account of her
husband, so far as trimming the lanthern in the daytime is concerned, and
also as to his being encased in his box until the morning. She had no
anxiety about him, because she had been distinctly told that the fire did
not break out until past ten, and her husband she knew was sure to be snug
in his box by that time.

JOHN JONES, a publican, says, at about nine o'clock on Saturday, the 30th
of October, he saw a light in the Tower, which flickered very much like a
candle, as if somebody was continually blowing one out and blowing it in
again. He observed this for about half an hour, when it began to look as
if several gas-lights were in the room and some one was turning the gas on
and off very rapidly. After this he went to bed, and was disturbed shortly
before midnight by hearing that the Tower was in flames.

SERGEANT FIPS, of the Scotch Fusileer (Qy. _Few sillier_) Guards, was at a
public-house on Tower-hill, when, happening to go to the door, he observed
a large quantity of thick smoke issuing from one of the windows of the
Tower. Knowing that Major Elrington, the deputy governor, was fond of a
cigar, he thought nothing of the circumstance of the smoke, and was
surprised in about half an hour to see flames issuing from the building.

GEORGE SNIVEL saw the fire bursting from the Tower on Saturday night, and
being greatly frightened he ran home to his mother as soon as possible.
His mother called him a fool, and said it was the gas-works.

THOMAS POPKINS rents a back attic at Rotherhithe; he had been peeling an
onion on the 30th of October, and went to the window for the purpose of
throwing out the external coat of the vegetable mentioned in the beginning
of his testimony, when he saw a large fire burning somewhere, with some
violence. Not thinking it could be the Tower, he went to bed after eating
the onion--which has been already twice alluded to in the course of his
evidence.

MR. SWIFT, of the Jewel-office, says, that he saw the Tower burning at the
distance of about three acres from where the jewels are kept, when his
first thought was to save the regalia. For this purpose he rushed to the
scene of the conflagration and desired everybody who would obey him, to
leave what they were about and follow him to that part of the Tower set
apart for the jewels. Several firemen were induced to quit the pumps, and
having prevailed on a large body of soldiers, he led them and a vast
miscellaneous mob to the apartments where the crown, &c., were deposited.
After a considerable quantity of squeezing, screaming, cursing, and
swearing, it was discovered that the key was missing, when the jewel-room
was carried by storm, and the jewels safely lodged in some other part of
the building. When witness returned to the fire, it was quite out, and the
armoury totally demolished.

The whole of the official report is in the same satisfactory strain, but
we do not feel ourselves justified in printing any more of it.

       *       *       *       *       *


A CON-CERTED CON.

"When is the helm of a ship like a certain English composer?"--said the
double bass to the trombone in the orchestra of Covent Garden Theatre,
while resting themselves the other evening between the acts of Norma.--The
trombone wished he might be _blowed_ if he could tell.--"When it is
_A-lee_" quoth the bass--rosining his bow with extraordinary delight at
his own conceit.

       *       *       *       *       *


RECONCILING A DIFFERENCE.

Two literary partisans were lately contending with considerable warmth,
for the superiority of Tait's or Blackwood's Magazine--till from words
they fell to blows, and decided the dispute by the _argumentum ad
hominem_.--Doctor Maginn, hearing of the circumstance, observed to a
friend, that however the pugnacious gentleman's opinions might differ with
respect to _Tait_ and _Blackwood_, it was evident they were content to
decide them by a _Frazer_ (_fray sir_).

