



Produced by Punch, or the London Charivari, Malcolm Farmer,
Ernest Schaal, and the Online Distributed Proofreading
Team at http://www.pgdp.net









PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
VOL. 107.
AUGUST 4, 1894.

                               * * * * *

                         SPORT FOR RATEPAYERS.

_August 1st._--Deer-shooting in Victoria Park commences.

_2nd._--Distribution of venison to "Progressive" County Councillors and
their families--especially to Aldermen.

_3rd._--Stalking American bison in the Marylebone disused grave-yard is
permitted from this day. A staff of competent surgeons will be outside
the palings.

_4th._--Chamois-coursing in Brockwell Park.

_5th._--A few rogue elephants having been imported (at considerable
expense to the rates), and located in the Regent's Park, the Chairman of
the L. C. C., assisted by the Park-keepers, will give an exhibition of
the method employed in snaring them. The elephants in the Zoological
Gardens will be expected to assist.

_6th._--_Bank Holiday._--Popular festival on Hampstead Heath. Two herds
of red deer will be turned on to the Heath at different points, and
three or four specially procured man-eating Bengal tigers will be let
loose at the Flag-staff to pursue them. Visitors may hunt the deer or
the tigers, whichever they prefer. Express rifles recommended, also the
use of bullet-proof coats. No dynamite to be employed against the
tigers. Ambulances in the Vale of Health. The Council's Band, up some of
the tallest trees, will perform musical selections.

_7th._--Races at Wormwood Scrubbs between the Council's own ostriches
and leading cyclists. A force of the A1 Division of the Metropolitan
Police, mounted on some of the reindeer from the enclosure at Spring
Gardens, will be stationed round the ground to prevent the ostriches
escaping into the adjoining country.

_8th._--Sale of ostrich feathers (dropped in the contests) to West-End
bonnet-makers at Union prices.

_9th._--Grand review of all the Council's animals on Clapham Common.
Procession through streets (also at Union rate). Banquet on municipal
venison, tiger chops, elephant steaks, and ostrich wings at Spring
Gardens. Progressive fireworks.

                               * * * * *

[Illustration: GENEROSITY.

_Andrew (preparing to divide the orange)._ "WILL YOU CHOOSE THE BIG
HALF, GEORGIE, OR THE WEE HALF?"

_George._ "'COURSE I'LL CHOOSE THE BIG HALF."

_Andrew (with resignation)._ "THEN I'LL JUST HAVE TO MAKE 'EM EVEN."]

                               * * * * *

RATHER A CHANGE--FOR THE BETTER.--They (the dockers) wouldn't listen to
BEN TILLETT. They cried out to him, "We keep you and starve ourselves."
Hullo! the revolt of the sheep! are they beginning to think that their
leaders and instigators are after all _not_ their best friends? "O
TILLETT not in Gath!" And Little BEN may say to himself, "I'll wait
TILL-ETT's over."

                               * * * * *

                       LINES IN PLEASANT PLACES.

                     V.--SCHOOL. "A DISTANT VIEW."

  "Distance lends enchantment"--kindly Distance!
    Wiping out all troubles and disgraces,
  How we seem to cast, with your assistance,
    All our boyish lines in pleasant places!

  Greek and Latin, struggles mathematic,
    These were worries leaving slender traces;
  Now we tell the boys (we wax emphatic)
    How our lines fell all in pleasant places.

  How we used to draw (immortal _Wackford_!)
    EUCLID's figures, more resembling faces,
  Surreptitiously upon the black-board,
    Crude yet telling lines in pleasant places.

  Pleasant places! That was no misnomer.
    Impositions?--little heed scape-graces;
  Writing out a book or so of HOMER,
    Even those were lines in pleasant places!

  How we scampered o'er the country, leading
    Apoplectic farmers pretty chases,
  Over crops, through fences all unheeding,
    Stiff cross-country lines in pleasant places.

  Yes, and how--too soon youth's early day flies--
    In the purling brook which seaward races
  _How_ we used to poach with luscious