



Produced by Punch, or the London Charivari, Malcolm Farmer,
Ernest Schaal. and the Online Distributed Proofreading
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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
VOL. 108.
JUNE 8, 1895.




                          ROBERT ON THE TEMS.

Me and sum of the Gents of the Lundon County Counsel, as they calls
theirselves, has had sum considerable differences of opinion lately, but
I don't suppose as it will cum to much. It seems as sum on em has got
theirselves elected into the Tems Conserwancy Gents, and nothink as is
dun quite sattisfys em unless they has the best places on bord the
crack steamers as takes em either up the River or Down the River, as the
case may be. In course they all wants the werry best heatables and
drinkables, and plenty on em; but if the water appens to be jest a
little ruff, the one thing as they all scrambles for is plenty to heat
and plenty to drink, and a nice quiet seat in the Saloon all the way
home.

[Illustration]

I herd tell the other day as how as some of the Tems Conserwancy Gents
had a reglar quarrel with sum of the County Counsel Gents, all becoz of
the diffrence that sum on em wants to make in the way in which things is
conducted on bord when agoing on their way home. It most suttenly must
make a great diffrence weather it is a nice, brillyant, sunny day, and
all happy on bord, or weather it is a dull, dark, rainy day, and not
room enuff for harf the cumpany.

I don't find as how as the too partys in the Corporation agrees with one
another more than they used to when they used to quarrel so much about
everythink. In fack they seems jist as much opposed to each other as
ever, and I, for my part, most truly hopes as how as they will continue
in the same noble spirit, and then they will hate each other with the
same cordial hatred as so distinguished them in days gone by.

I don't know a greater treat myself than spending a nour or too with the
County Counsellers at Charing Cross. They can lay the stingers about in
splendid style, and both sides of the question, much alike in force, and
werry much alike in quolity. But the werry finist sight of all I shoud
think wood be to see a thorowly good set to between a picked set of the
Tems Conserwancy and another of the County Counsellers. From what I
hears of the former I shoud think their chance would be grand indeed,
and from what I have herd of their reckless perseverance I should think
their loss almost incredible. The Tems is the river for me, and long may
it remain so!

                                                             ROBERT.

                               * * * * *

                          ROUNDABOUT READINGS.

Terrible things have been happening in Newcastle. If any one doubts this
statement, let him read the following extract from one of the local
papers. "Though it is a good while," observes a leader-writer, "since it
could be said with justice that the trade of the country was advancing
by leaps and bounds, the observation may with absolute accuracy be made
with respect to our Newcastle rates. They have stolen along with woollen
feet, and are now about to strike with iron hands."

                                 * * *

I bow to the ground in awe-struck admiration before this picture
of rates stealing along on woollen feet and raising iron hands for a
deadly blow at the unfortunate ratepayers of Newcastle. There is
something fell and savage in the mere contemplation of it. Prose is
quite inadequate to it; it demands rhyme, and must have it:--

      Consider Newcastle, its pitiful case,
        Where the rates have a habit of stealing.
      'Tis a way they are prone to in many a place,
        And they do it without any feeling.

      They move without noise, and they thus get the pull,
        Like a cab with a new rubber tyre on;
      For their feet, it is said, are a compound of wool,
        Though the hands that they strike with are iron.

      The vision appals me, one glimpse is enough;
        With terror my bosom is heaving.
      Yet I venture the hint--do not treat it as stuff--
        That steel were more suited for thieving.

                                 * * *

Something always appears to be wrong with the streets of Bristol. I had
to notice the melancholy case of Christmas Street last week. The
epidemic has now extended to Old Market Street. Here the pitching is so
dangerous that horses fall and break their legs, and ladies die from
falls on Easter Mondays. A correspondent who calls attention to this
matter says