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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI

VOLUME 98, JUNE 14TH 1890

_edited by Sir Francis Burnand_




[Illustration: MAXIMS FOR THE BAR. No. VI.

"Never miss a chance of ingratiating yourself with the Jury, even at
the expense of the Judge." (An opportunity often occurs after Lunch.)]

       *       *       *       *       *

"GOOD OLD GRACE!"

(_Doggerel on "The Doctor," by an "Old Duffer."_)

    "Dr. GRACE, who seemed to forget his lameness, played with
    great vigour and dash, and his cuts and drives possessed all
    their old brilliancy."--_The Times, on the exciting finish in
    the Cricket Match between the M.C.C. and the Australians, June
    3, 1890._

  One hundred and eleven runs, and eighty-five minutes to make 'em in,
  And with TURNER and FERRIS to trundle as fast as they could pitch
          and break 'em in!
  And it looked any odds on MURDOCH'S men contriving to make a draw
          of it;
  But Cricket, my lads, is a curious game, and uncertainty seems the
          sole law of it.
  So they sent in GRACE and SHUTER to start. Well, the Doctor is now
          called "a veteran,"
  But at forty-two when he's on the job 'tisn't easy to pick out a
          better 'un.
  And he "spanked for four," like a lad once more, and he cut and he
          drove like winking;
  Though his leg _was_ lame, he forgot that same, and he "played the
          game" without shrinking.
  And Surrey's SHUTER he did his part, and so did Notts' GUNN, Sir,
  Though he _might_ have chucked the game away when the Doctor he
          managed to out-run, Sir.
  It was hard, you see, upon W. G. in _that_ way to lose his wicket,
  But all the same he had won the game, and had played superlative
          Cricket.
  Forty-three to make, and forty-five minutes! But GRACE and GUNN
          were equal to it;
  And a win, with a quarter of an hour in hand, was the satisfactory
          sequel to it.
  The Australians played a manly game, without any dawdling or
          shirking;
  And if they didn't avoid defeat why it wasn't for want of hard
          working.
  But the stiff-legged "Doctor" who forced the game in the most
          judgmatical fashion,
  And forgot his leg and his "forty year" odd, full flushed with a
          Cricketer's passion!
  Why he's the chap who deserves a shout. Bravo, brave "W. G," Sir.
  And when you next are on the job, may the "Duffer" be there to
          see, Sir!

       *       *       *       *       *

DEVELOPING HAWARDEN.

    "The locality is extremely healthy, and Hawarden will probably
    become a large residential place, and a centre of mining
    industry."--_Mr. Gladstone's Evidence before the Commissioners
    for Welsh Intermediate Education._

_Monday._--Wood-cutting. Inconvenient having so many villas built all
round park. Inhabitants inspect everything I do. Nasty little boys
(whom I can see over their garden wall) shout "Yah!" and wave large
primrose wreath. Irritating. Perhaps due to healthiness of air. Retire
to another part of the demesne. Heavens! what is that erection? Looks
like a Grand Stand, in a private garden, crowded with people. It
is! Invited (by owner of garden) specially to view me and (I hear
afterwards) my "celebrated wood-cutting performance," at a shilling
a-head. Disgusted. Go in.

_Tuesday._--Down local coal-mine. Interesting to have one at
Park-gates. Explain to colliers principle of the Davy lamp. Colliers
seem attentive, Ask me at the end for "a trifle to drink my health
with." Don't they know I am opposed to Endowment of Public-houses?
Yes, "but they aren't," they reply. Must invite WILFRID LAWSON to
Hawarden.

_Wednesday._--Curious underground rumblings. Wall of Castle develops
huge crack. _What_ is it? A dynamite plot? Can SALISBURY have
hired----? HERBERT comes in, and tells me the proprietor of Hawarden
Salt Mine has just sent his compliments; with a request that I would