



Produced by David Clarke, JoAnn Greenwood, and the Online
Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This
file was produced from images generously made available
by The Internet Archive/Canadian Libraries)









                       LYRE AND LANCET

                     _A STORY IN SCENES_

                              BY
                          F. ANSTEY

                          AUTHOR OF
    "VICE VERSA," "THE GIANT'S ROBE," "VOCES POPULI," ETC.


                           LONDON:
           SMITH, ELDER & CO., 15, WATERLOO PLACE.
                            1895.

                   (_All rights reserved._)




_Reprinted from "Punch" by permission of the Proprietors._




CONTENTS


   PART                                                 PAGE

      I. SHADOWS CAST BEFORE                               1

     II. SELECT PASSAGES FROM A COMING POET               11

    III. THE TWO ANDROMEDAS                               21

     IV. RUSHING TO CONCLUSIONS                           31

      V. CROSS PURPOSES                                   42

     VI. ROUND PEGS IN SQUARE HOLES                       53

    VII. IGNOTUM PRO MIRIFICO                             64

   VIII. SURPRISES--AGREEABLE AND OTHERWISE               76

     IX. THE MAUVAIS QUART D'HEURE                        87

      X. BORROWED PLUMES                                  98

     XI. TIME AND THE HOUR                               109

    XII. DIGNITY UNDER DIFFICULTIES                      119

   XIII. WHAT'S IN A NAME?                               130

    XIV. LE VETERINAIRE MALGRE LUI                       141

     XV. TRAPPED!                                        152

    XVI. AN INTELLECTUAL PRIVILEGE                       163

   XVII. A BOMB SHELL                                    174

  XVIII. THE LAST STRAW                                  184

    XIX. UNEARNED INCREMENT                              194

     XX. DIFFERENT PERSONS HAVE DIFFERENT OPINIONS       204

    XXI. THE FEELINGS OF A MOTHER                        213

   XXII. A DESCENT FROM THE CLOUDS                       224

  XXIII. SHRINKAGE                                       234

   XXIV. THE HAPPY DISPATCH                              244




CHARACTERS


    GALFRID UNDERSHELL (_a minor poet_).
    JAMES SPURRELL, M.R.C.V.S.
    THE COUNTESS OF CANTIRE.
    LADY MAISIE MULL (_her daughter_).
    SIR RUPERT CULVERIN.
    LADY CULVERIN.
    LADY RHODA COKAYNE.
    MRS. BROOKE-CHATTERIS.
    MISS SPELWANE.
    THE BISHOP OF BIRCHESTER.
    LORD LULLINGTON.
    LADY LULLINGTON.
    MRS. EARWAKER.
    THE HONOURABLE BERTIE PILLINER.
    CAPTAIN THICKNESSE.
    ARCHIE BEARPARK.
    MR. SHORTHORN.
    DRYSDALE (_a journalist_).
    TANRAKE (_a job-master_).
    EMMA PHILLIPSON (_maid to_ LADY CANTIRE).
    MRS. POMFRET (_housekeeper at Wyvern Court_).
    MISS STICKLER (_maid to_ LADY CULVERIN).
    MISS DOLMAN (_maid to_ LADY RHODA COKAYNE).
    MLLE. CHIFFON (_maid to_ MISS SPELWANE).
    M. RIDEVOS (_chef at Wyvern_).
    TREDWELL (_butler at Wyvern_).
    STEPTOE (_valet to_ SIR RUPERT CULVERIN).
    THOMAS (_a footman_).
    ADAMS (_stud-groom_).
    CHECKLEY (_head coachman_).
    Steward's Room Boy, etc.




LYRE AND LANCET

A STORY IN SCENES




PART I

SHADOWS CAST BEFORE


     _In_ Sir RUPERT CULVERIN'S _Study at Wyvern Court. It is a
     rainy Saturday morning in February._ Sir RUPERT _is at his
     writing-table, as_ Lady CULVERIN _enters with a deprecatory
     air_.

_Lady Culverin._ So _here_ you are, Rupert! Not _very_ busy, are you?
I won't keep you a moment. (_She goes to a window._) Such a nuisance
it's turning out wet, with all these people in the house, isn't it?

_Sir Rupert._ Well, I was thinking that, as there's nothing doing out
of doors, I might get a chance to knock off some of these confounded
accounts, but--(_resignedly_)--if you think I ought to go and look
after----

_Lady Culverin._ No, no; the men are playing billiards, and the women
are in the morning-room--_they_'re all right. I only wanted to ask you
about to-night. You know the Lullingtons, and the dear Bishop and Mrs.
Rodney, and one or two other people are coming to dinner? Well, who
ought to take in Rohesia?

_Sir Rupert_ (_in dismay_). Rohesia! No idea she was coming down this
week