



Produced by David Widger





          MEMOIRS OF LOUIS XIV AND HIS COURT AND OF THE REGENCY

                        BY THE DUKE OF SAINT-SIMON




VOLUME 4.




CHAPTER XXV

Canaples, brother of the Marechal de Crequi, wished to marry Mademoiselle
de Vivonne who was no longer young, but was distinguished by talent,
virtue and high birth; she had not a penny.  The Cardinal de Coislin,
thinking Canaples too old to marry, told him so.  Canaples said he wanted
to have children.  "Children!" exclaimed the Cardinal.  "But she is so
virtuous!"  Everybody burst out laughing; and the more willingly, as the
Cardinal, very pure in his manners, was still more so in his language.
His saying was verified by the event: the marriage proved sterile.

The Duc de Coislin died about this time.  I have related in its proper
place an adventure that happened to him and his brother, the Chevalier de
Coislin: now I will say something more of the Duke.  He was a very little
man, of much humour and virtue, but of a politeness that was unendurable,
and that passed all bounds, though not incompatible with dignity.  He had
been lieutenant-general in the army.  Upon one occasion, after a battle
in which he had taken part, one of the Rhingraves who had been made
prisoner, fell to his lot.  The Duc de Coislin wished to give up to the
other his bed, which consisted indeed of but a mattress.  They
complimented each other so much, the one pressing, the other refusing,
that in the end they both slept upon the ground, leaving the mattress
between them.  The Rhingrave in due time came to Paris and called on the
Duc de Coislin.  When he was going, there was such a profusion of
compliments, and the Duke insisted so much on seeing him out, that the
Rhingrave, as a last resource, ran out of the room, and double locked the
door outside.  M. de Coislin was not thus to be outdone.  His apartments
were only a few feet above the ground.  He opened the window accordingly,
leaped out into the court, and arrived thus at the entrance-door before
the Rhingrave, who thought the devil must have carried him there.  The
Duc de Coislin, however, had managed to put his thumb out of joint by
this leap.  He called in Felix, chief surgeon of the King, who soon put
the thumb to rights.  Soon afterwards Felix made a call upon M. de
Coislin to see how he was, and found that the cure was perfect.  As he
was about to leave, M. de Coislin must needs open the door for him.
Felix, with a shower of bows, tried hard to prevent this, and while they
were thus vying in politeness, each with a hand upon the door, the Duke
suddenly drew back; he had put his thumb out of joint again, and Felix
was obliged to attend to it on the spot!  It may be imagined what
laughter this story caused the King, and everybody else, when it became
known.

There was no end to the outrageous civilities of M. de Coislin.  On
returning from Fontainebleau one day, we, that is Madame de Saint-Simon
and myself, encountered M. de Coislin and his son, M. de Metz, on foot
upon the pavement of Ponthierry, where their coach had broken down.  We
sent word, accordingly, that we should be glad to accommodate them in
ours.  But message followed message on both sides; and at last I was
compelled to alight and to walk through the mud, begging them to mount
into my coach.  M. de Coislin, yielding to my prayers, consented to this.
M. de Metz was furious with him for his compliments, and at last
prevailed on him.  When M. de Coislin had accepted my offer and we had
nothing more to do than to gain the coach, he began to capitulate, and to
protest that he would not displace the two young ladies he saw seated in
the vehicle.  I told him that the two young ladies were chambermaids, who
could well afford to wait until the other carriage was mended, and then
continue their journey in that.  But he would not hear of this; and at
last all that M. de Metz and I could do was to compromise the matter, by
agreeing to take one of the chambermaids with us.  When we arrived at the
coach, they both descended, in order to allow us to mount.  During the
compliments that passed--and they were not short--I told the servant who
held the coach-door open, to close it as soon as I was inside, and to
order the coachman to drive on at once.  This was done; but M. de Coislin
immediately began to cry aloud that he would jump out if we did not stop
for the young ladies; and he set himself to do so in such an odd manner,
that I had only time to catch hold of the belt of his breeches and hold
him back; but he still, with his head hanging out of the window,
exclaimed that he would leap out, and pulled against me.  At this
absurdity I called to the coachman to