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  PUNCH LIBRARY OF HUMOUR

  Edited by J. A. HAMMERTON


  Designed to provide in a series
  of volumes, each complete in itself,
  the cream of our national humour,
  contributed by the masters of
  comic draughtsmanship and the
  leading wits of the age to "Punch,"
  from its beginning in 1841 to the
  present day




  MR. PUNCH AT HOME

  [Illustration: A note at the foot of
  a page]

  [Illustration: A FIRST ESSAY IN HOUSEKEEPING.--_Mr. Jones._ "What
  is it, my pet?" _Mrs. J._ "This rabbit (_sob_)--I've been plucking
  it--(_sob_)--all the afternoon, and it isn't half done yet!"]


  MR. PUNCH AT
  HOME

  THE COMIC SIDE
  OF DOMESTIC
  LIFE

  [Illustration: Maid with broom]

AS PICTURED BY

F. H. TOWNSEND, LEWIS BAUMER, C. SHEPPERSON, DAVID WILSON, FRED PEGRAM,
GUNNING KING, L. RAVENHILL, BERNARD PARTRIDGE, A. W. MILLS, G. L.
STAMPA, C. E. BROCK, A. S. BOYD, PHIL MAY, CHARLES KEENE, GEORGE DU
MAURIER, AND OTHERS

  _WITH 130 ILLUSTRATIONS_

  PUBLISHED BY ARRANGEMENT WITH
  THE PROPRIETORS OF "PUNCH"

  [Illustration: 3 decorative leaves]

  THE EDUCATIONAL BOOK CO. LTD.




  THE PUNCH LIBRARY OF HUMOUR

  _Twenty-five volumes, crown 8vo, 192 pages
  fully illustrated_


  LIFE IN LONDON
  COUNTRY LIFE
  IN THE HIGHLANDS
  SCOTTISH HUMOUR
  IRISH HUMOUR
  COCKNEY HUMOUR
  IN SOCIETY
  AFTER DINNER STORIES
  IN BOHEMIA
  AT THE PLAY
  MR. PUNCH AT HOME
  ON THE CONTINONG
  RAILWAY BOOK
  AT THE SEASIDE
  MR. PUNCH AFLOAT
  IN THE HUNTING FIELD
  MR. PUNCH ON TOUR
  WITH ROD AND GUN
  MR. PUNCH AWHEEL
  BOOK OF SPORTS
  GOLF STORIES
  IN WIG AND GOWN
  ON THE WARPATH
  BOOK OF LOVE
  WITH THE CHILDREN


  [Illustration: Mr. Punch at desk]


  [Illustration: Man in dressing gown reading Punch]




IN SLIPPERED EASE


Just because MR. PUNCH is eminently representative of all our national
characteristics is he something of a good old-fashioned Philistine
in his domestic circle. We find him, in his notions of home life,
distinctly partial to the cosy comfort that is associated the world
over with "The Englishman's Castle." He enjoys the delights of his own
fireside, the pleasures of his table, the society of his womenkind, the
casual visits of his friends, no less, and perhaps much more, than the
formal functions to which the phrase "At Home" is also applied.

"Mr. Punch at Home" is in a sense the complement of "Mr. Punch in
Society." It touches on musical evenings, dances, the social life
generally, but more particularly the domestic side of it--the servant
difficulty, the humours of the kitchen and the butler's pantry. It
gives glimpses of home life in the country as well as in town; among
the poor as well as among the rich; in flats and lodgings as well as in
suburban villas and the mansions of the West End.

John Leech dealt largely with the servant girl trouble, but as many
of his jokes were topical and have lost most of their point with the
passing of the topic, and as others have an old-fashioned air with
them and are not so smart or so pointed as those by later artists,
preference has been given to the moderns.

  [Illustration: Mr. Punch]




MR. PUNCH AT HOME


  [Illustration: Mr. Punch sitting in library]

THINGS ONE WOULD RATHER HAVE LEFT UNSAID.--"You remember that party at
Madam Gelasma's, to hear Joachim, Rubinstein, and the Henschels, and De
Soria--quite a _small_ party?"

"No; I wasn't there!" "No? Ah--well--it _was_ very select!"

       *       *       *       *       *

THE GREATEST QUESTION OF THE DAY.--"My dear, what will you have for
dinner?"

       *       *       *       *       *

OUR WHIST PARTY.--_Major MacFlush_ (_at close of rubber, to partner_).
Didn't ye see me call for trumps?

_Partner_ (_a new hand_). You may have called, Major, but I never heard
you!

       *       *       *       *       *

UNDESIRABLE BRIC-A-BRAC.--Family jars.

       *       *       *       *       *

MEM. FOR YOUNG HOUSEWIVES.--To make both ends meet--burn the candle at
'em.

       *       *       *       *       *

"PLEASANT it is when the woods are green," as paterfamilias observed
when all the doors in his new villa took to warping.

       *       *       *       *       *

THE DEAR THINGS.--_He._ You know Jones's wife, an old schoolfellow of
yours; tell me, is she musical?

_She (her dearest friend)._ I should say decidedly not, or she wouldn't
be so fond of hearing the sound of her own voice.

       *       *       *       *       *

THE KITCHEN-RANGE-FINDER.--The policeman!

       *       *       *       *       *

MOTTO FOR THE LADY OF THE HOUSE.--Don't worry about trifles; make a
blanc-mange.

       *       *       *       *       *

_Visitor._ "Do you have any difficulty in getting servants?"

_Hostess._ "None whatever. We've had ten different ones in the last
month!"

       *       *       *       *       *

  [Illustration: DOMESTIC ECONOMY.--_Cook._ "Wasteful, mum? Well, mum,
  that's one thing I'm _not_! Why, everythink in the eatin' an' drinkin'
  way that comes down from hupstairs, I make a point of finishin' up
  myself, mum!"]




WANTED!


The Lady and Gentleman Help Association can find excellent positions
for--

A Lady Help with twenty thousand a year, who can help her husband to
enjoy existence.

A Lady Help with deft fingers, who can open oysters, peel walnuts and
prawns, and make toast.

A Lady Help who can draft a speech that will suit an ex-Secretary of
State at a Social Science Congress.

A Lady Help who can do the same for a mild and moderate Bishop at
a Church Congress--extra wages will be given for assistance in the
composition of charges.

A Lady Help who can drive Four-in-Hand, for a coach to be started from
Hatchett's Hotel to Coventry.

A Lady Help who is absolutely helpless--none need apply unless they can
show that they are good for nothing.

Also--

A Gentleman Help who can nurse babies, and comb their hair carefully.

  [Illustration: THE COMPENSATING CIRCUMSTANCE.--_Sympathetic Visitor._
  "Poor _dear_ Mr. Smith, how he must suffer with all that sneezing and
  coughing."

  _Mrs. Smith._ "He does, indeed; but you can't think how it amuses the
  baby!"]

A Gentleman Help who can choose good cigars, and assist in smoking them.

A Gentleman Help who can work a sewing machine and a private apparatus
for the distillation of whiskey.

A Gentleman Help who can assist the Sultan of Turkey to pay the
interest on his debts.

A Gentleman Help who can help the clerk of the weather to turn on a
little more sunshine.

       *       *       *       *       *

AT THE SMITHSON'S DANCE.--_Young Innocent._ "I beg your pardon, did I
tread on your foot that time?"

_Sweet Girl (very sweetly)._ "Oh, no, not _that_ time!"

       *       *       *       *       *

"MARY, there's three months' dust in the drawing-room!"

"That isn't my fault, mum. You know I've only bin here a fortnight!"

       *       *       *       *       *

  [Illustration: "You're dreadfully untidy again, Mary! I don't know what
  the baker will think of you when he comes."

  "The _baker_ don't matter,'m. The _milkman's_ bin!"]

       *       *       *       *       *

_Doctor (to Mrs. Perkins, whose husband is ill)._ "Has he had any lucid
intervals?"

_Mrs. Perkins (with dignity)._ "'E's 'ad nothink except what you
ordered, Doctor!"

  [Illustration: T'OTHER WAY ROUND.--_He._ "That's Lady Passeh. She's
  got an action on at the courts, asking for £5,000 damages."

  _She._ "Damages! I should have thought she'd have asked for _repairs_."]

  [Illustration: THE EYE AS AN AID TO THE EAR.--_Young Lady (repeating
  conversation to deaf old gentleman)._ "Miss Frills says it gave her
  such a fright."

  _Deaf Old Gent._ "Eh? I didn't quite--"

  _Young Lady._ "_Such--a--fright!_"

  _Deaf Old Gent._ "Ah, yes--I agree with you--so she is!"]

       *       *       *       *       *

WHY, NATURALLY.--"Cook, ought I to write Salvation Army in
_converted commas_?"

       *       *       *       *       *

ORTHODOX.--_The Rev. Alexis Tonsher (going round his new parish)._ "Of
course, you observe Lent, Mrs. Rickyard?"

_Mrs. Rickyard._ "Oh, yes, sir, we allus hev pancakes o' Shrove
Tuesday!"

       *       *       *       *       *

AN EXCUSE.--_Mistress._ "Another breakage, Jane? And a wedding present,
too! How ever did you do it?"

_Jane (sobbing)._ "They al--ways break--when I--drop 'em!"

       *       *       *       *       *

APPRECIATIVE.--_Amateur Tenor._ "I shall just sing one more song, and
then I shall go."

_Sarcastic Friend._ "Couldn't you go first!"

       *       *       *       *       *

"ENTERING THE SOCIAL CIRCLE."--Making the first cut into a round of
beef.

       *       *       *       *       *

_He._ "What pretty hair that Miss Dashwood has--like spun gold!"

_She (her rival)._ "Yes--fourteen carrot."

       *       *       *       *       *

  [Illustration: _Mabel._ "We always do this when mater's out, uncle.
  Saves all the bother of talking. Ripping idea, isn't it