Most people with Italian blood lines, and who call themselves Italians, are merely people who happen to like spaghetti and meatballs or pizza. \nKind of like a six-year old.\nAnd me.\nI'm straight-up American on most days, until I go into an Italian deli...where there are other Italians. That's when I switch on my ancestry and lose my fucking mind.\nAsking for mooooozadellla instead of mozzarella. \nOr pahm-oodg-onnna rather than parmesan.\n\nI know, I'm an asshole. But really no more of an asshole than Oprah interviewing Chris Rock. \n\nIt's weird, I know, but that's what people do.\nThey get around their own ethnicity and turn on the shit.\n\nSo I guess I shouldn't be surprised (but I always am) each time the counter person at Guido's appears confused, much like a dog not understanding a command as his head goes sideways and he says...\"huh, you want what?\"\n\n\nGuido, \nYou really should have someone of Italian descent working the counter. \nSomeone who can capish Italian-American-douchebaggery.\n\nYour salad and greek olives, margherita pepperoni, Aurechio provolone, prosciutto, and crusty bread have wowed me for years.\nAnd, when I'm too lazy to make my own dough, for two bucks, you always save my hide after promising the kids I'd make pizza.\n\nNo offense, but I will never come in for pizza or spaghetti, mainly because I can't put any kind of Italian dialect on the words pizza or spaghetti. \nUnless I talk like I'm from New York.\n\n \"Heya....yo....gimme a dish 'o post-r and a couple o yoo hoos.\"\n\nBut I'm afraid the guy with his head cocked sideways will spit in my food or something.\n\nGet someone Italian working the counter and I'll give you that extra star.\n\nYour ardent admirer,\n\nDiego
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