La Kha\u00efma is the first and only Mauritanian restaurant in the entirety of the known world and universe!! This is of course according to the very charming and affable Atigh Ould. The first in the world, people, the first in the world and it just happens to be right here in beautifully sunny-like-the-Sahara-Desert Montr\u00e9al! Monsieur Ould just happens to be the chef, sous chef, pastry chef, proprietor, chief executive officer, entertainment, accountant, waiter, barman, barmaid, prom king and queen, busboy, owner and chief bottle washer of this highly highly esteemed establishment. Keep this in mind when you come here and for God's sake be patient. Seriously, all you little uncouth philistine pipsqueaks (you know who you are) impatiently squirming in your seats whilst writing on your iPhones about how you so ought to bad mouth this place on Yelp had better shut right the fuck up if you know what's good for you because Papa Bear is looking at you like your pretty little head is a pot of honey. La Kha\u00efma smash! I was pretending to be Papa Bear in that fun little scenario by the way. Seriously though folks, this place deserves at least four stars right off the bat for ambiance alone ... if not the full monty of five stars. Haters gonna hate and they need not apply. \n\nTrust in me -- for like George Washington, I too cannot tell a lie. This place is super super suuuuper good. The food is outstandingly sumptuous and you're bound to have a great time if you relax and let go of time just for a little time. First of all: our anthropomorphic conceptualisation of \"time\" doesn't actually exist and secondly: it definitely doesn't exist here. Bring a bottle or two of your favourite Pinot Noir or Malbec, take your shoes off and sit cross legged or even better ... lay back with your head resting in the lap of your favourite friend or lover and look up at the billowing tapestries that line the ceiling. Take a tab or two of LSD (that's Lysergic acid diethylamide for all you trippy chemists out there) or do half an eighth of shrooms or smoke a doobie or drink a mickey of gin or get all spacey on GOD. It's so beautiful, the colours, man, the colours! Those lamps you see are authentic from the Sahara! This place is one-of-a-kind. Err'body in the club getting their Bedouin on. Where else are you going to go to for that nomadic Mauritanian Berber cuisine you so dearly crave? That's right ... nowhere else. Why? Remember? Because this is the only place in the world! Enjoy!
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