There are a few things you need to make sure you have down when opening a pseudo-Irish pub and restaurant in America (besides spelling restaurant correctly. not that I'm pointing any fingers *yelp*): \n\n** A suitable name with Mc or O' thrown in there somewhere preferably right before a name like Caffrey's or Boole's. \n\n** You need U2's entire discography and every other Mick bastard (said in the most loving way possible) music artist/group (as long as their brogue is thick enough to discern. note: Scottish bands may also be used because what real American can tell the difference anyway?) that ever produced a single track rotating through the ceiling mounted speakers just above loud enough to hear. Awwe yay, just what I always wanted more Cranberries. Zaw-awm-bey! zaw-awm-bey! ey! ey! ey! oh! oh!\n\n** Emerald Isle and the bastard Imperialists across the way standard eats: shepherd's pie, fish and chips (with malt vinegar dammit!), Scottish eggs, corn beef hash...\n\n** GUINNESS! (Is fearr de th\u00fa Guinness), cider of some kind, Harp...\n\n** Whisky!\n\n** Irish-y type ambiance but cleaner and new. Dark wood and pictures of Irish miners/railroad workers and pictures from the potato famine (nothin' makes me appreciate not being able to finish all my food and the greatness that is America and to be American like a picture of a starving sickly Irish child. ahhh the good ol' days. give my scraps to the rats, I'm done.)\n\nThere maybe a couple others that I missed but I doubt they, Prime Pubs/D'Arcy McGee's Inc. or Llc or Corp or whichever it is franchise, missed anything. Just so you know, if you do notice anything that might look slightly askew it's probably OK but be aware because this company was founded in Canada. \n\nI have been to this location a couple or 3 times before mostly because it is the lesser of evils at Tempe Market(ing)place and they have beer. This most recent was with me Dah. We were headed to a Dr. Parnassus for a Gilliam fix but ran a wee bit late and missed the 10 of the clock showing so after kicking a few rocks we decide... food! Came down to two places; pseudo-Mexican or pseudo-Irish. Luckily I was able to convince my partial Creator that being served was a better idea than, 'carne asada burro... yes, black beans please... lettuce... *shuffle, shuffle* guacamole... cheese.... *shuffle, shuffle* yes, hot please.... yes, that's it and a Coke please.' And we could possible catch some the Olympics. We pull up to the bar and the not too friendly (just the right amount of friendly) bar wench asked us how she could service us (wink! wink! nudge! nudge!). '2 frosted glasses of your finest Coca Cola please!' I shouted. It wasn't even noon people, geesh! I'm not a savage, only like a quarter savage or something like that. Then I continued with 'and a round of the same for our new friends at the bar!' Luckily there wasn't anyone else seated at the bar at the time. Imagine if it had been full I would have been out like 7 big ones and I really like one dollar bills. They are my favorite.\n\nAfter she threw a couple of menus at us and told me that I might not want to order the spring lamb pie because the lamb takes longer to prepare (which was very nice of her because I had a lot of nothing to do later that day) I decided on just the plain ol' shepherd's pie just like me dear ol'Da ordered and also an order of calamari and shrimp to start. I hadn't had calamari since my first nightmare experience with it back in the previous century. I think I suffered a little PTSD from it but I knew that part of my recovery involved exposure so there I went and how it went with the calamari was well. The shrimp was a smidge over done though but passable. Shortly after we inhaled the tentacles and shrimp abs the shepherds pie arrived. The pie was fair in the most average way and was smartly handled by my fork and mouth.\n\nOh yah! Hi-liter! They have Magners Cider! but that same bar wench wouldn't give me one. She said they were out. I think she may have been lying to keep it all for herself. That redheaded doxy looked a little shadowy from the get go but tricked me with a grin and I didn't notice that she spoke out of both sides of her mouth. So I have to go back because Magners is a really good cider. Unlike Strongbow and ACE, Magners is a reason why you would look forward to having to go back to a mediocre bar/restaurant. \n\n2 stars because yah, I've had better and a-ok it is just not.
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