So Udo Kier earned like nine bucks and free food for this so that is a victory in and of itself. More importantly this movie tells a very interesting tale about a group of salvage guys coming across the broken down Demeter. I should warn you, i'm gunna bounce around through this review real quick so buckle up. First thing's first. Coolio plays a guy named 187. 187 likes drugs. 187 finds a bunch of caskets on board and... now i don't know anything about the future but maybe they smuggle drugs in caskets. Not gunna say that was the craziest thing in this movie. Later on the vampire gets out of his mist filled coffin and then the real hilarity begins. First, although this movie has the word Dracula in it he is actually not in this movie. I have a theory though. Out of the blue you see the salvage crew's ship leave without them. My theory is that Dracula was on board with his retarded brother Orlock. Dracula told Orlock he'll be right back. Dracula got the hell out of this movie before he could be seen leaving Orlock to play the vampire for the six or so minutes he is in the movie. The best part of this film, and for those of you that have seen this you know what i'm gunna say, is after 187 gets sired, embraced whatever. He has this huge monologue about ejaculating on various parts of erika Elaniak's body and... other super cool stuff. Coolio, seriously you are the best thing EVER. Some other stuff happens in this movie too. Like Casper Van Dean gets some work. Orlock screams a lot and loses his arm and then we kinda lose track of him FOR THE REST OF THE MOVIE. And thank god really. We find out Erika's character is a police bot. As the movie comes to a close we find out that the ship is on a course to ram into the sun. The police bot and one other surviving character are doomed. Rather then avoid certain death Erika's police bot reveals she's also a whore bot and they decide to screw each other and die. Before they die in the sun they die for no reason, yep that's right... their ship blows up for no real reason. This movie got the amazing rating for one reason, Coolio. My god, if they gave academy awards to black rappers then he'd be the first to get one. The only reason this didn't get a perfect ten is because there was not a drop of nudity. Now i know what your thinking, how can you judge a film by whether ladies show their goods or not. Well easy. A movie like this pretty much requires it. Its part of the process. Gore, gore, monsters, nudity, gore, end of movie final shock at the end. Its the formula. This had some gore, the monster was awesome because he sucked so hard he actually did us the favor of staying off camera. That was considerate of him and i respect that. Nudity, not a drop even though there was a length conversation about... well see the above statement and as for the shock/twist... i certainly didn't see the end coming. That counts. I hope Hollywood doesn't think Coolio gave this film his all and has nothing left. He deserves more work. Well, until Dracula 4000, i'm out.
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