Actual shopping trip yesterday afternoon:\n\n*Walks to express checkout line with giant tub of Smart Balance imitation butter and places it on non-moving beltway*\n\n\"Hello, did you find everything you are looking for today?\"\n\n\"Yep\"\n\n\"Do you have your Safeway card?\"\n\n\"Don't have one.\"\n\n\"First time here? Would you like to sign up?\"\n\n\"Not really, Safeway's are laid out really strange, the shelves are too high and intimidate me, and this place closes ridiculously early.\"\n\n\"Oh...the residents around here don't shop very late.\"\n\n\"I live around here. And I tried to buy a bottle of wine with a friend here at 10:15 PM last weekend and was turned away. We had to buy a bottle of Pinot Grigio at the Circle K.\"\n\n\"Oh, sorry too here that.\"\n\n\"That's alright, it was surprisingly tasty. Reminded me of Lollapalooza.\"\n\n\"You need any help out of the store?\"\n\n*Stares blankly at cashier* (I am a strapping 6'3\" lad with no obvious physical defects)\n\n*Cashier does shifty eye, waiting for response*\n\n\"I did just buy a tub of butter, right? Did I win something? Or accidentally buy a truckload of potatoes?\"\n\n\"No, just seeing if you need assistance.\" (Maybe he was worried about me when I confessed their high shelves intimidate me?)\n\n\"Alright then, I'm going to go make some Salmon Baklava then.\"\n\n*Scampers away. Scoffs at posted hours.*
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