I'm kicking myself right now. All of my teenage son's dirt- and grass-stained jeans that I've donated so they could have a second life as something else could have been turned into big cash for my family. At least that's the impression I'm left with after seeing the $425 permanently mud-stained jeans from PRPS being sold at Nordstrom. 
 
 $425 'mud-stained' jeans. For real. (Photo: Nordstrom) 
 
 These are hysterical. Here's why: 
 
 $425 ... that in and of itself is hysterical. They cost more than the seasonal wardrobe budget I give each of my kids. (Keep in mind my boys are still growing. Some seasons they need entirely new wardrobes.) You could probably wear them 100 times and then return them, and no one would ever know. The description on the website: "Americana workwear that's seen some hard-working action with a crackled, caked-on muddy coating that shows you're not afraid to get down and dirty." Except you don't actually have to get down and dirty — ever. This "Americana workwear" is made in Portugal. They're fussy pants. They can't even handle the dryer. I'm all for line drying, but if I buy a pair of cotton jeans for $425, I'm going to want at least the option to put them in the dryer. (Oh, who am I kidding? They'll probably never get washed because who would know they weren't washed?) The comments on the website, before Nordstrom deleted them. (Where's your sense of humor Nordstrom?) The jeans had a four out out five stars rating, but all the comments — those that gave the jeans one star and those that gave it five stars — were making fun of the product. The funny fake reviews said things like "I love that I can now fake a work ethic!" and "Gotta love being able to look like I have fed the pigs, help deliver a calf, and get the tractor unstuck without ever having to leave my BMW." 
 
 You can't make this stuff up. But you can make them jeans yourself. And, if you don't want to do the work, send them my way. I'll have my 14-year-old take them into the woods after a rain for you. We'll charge the bargain price of $100, but sorry, no free shipping. 

 There is, as Nordstrom surely hoped, predictable social media snark and outrage that they are selling jeans with fake-mud designed on the front of them for $425 . 
 
 They are not, well, messing around: as you can see at the Nordstrom website the not-mud on the ‘Barracuda Straight Leg Jean’ has been made to look dry, while a fresher layer of darker not-mud is meant to look like it’s just well splattered and settled on you. 
 
 The jeans are described by Nordstrom as “heavily distressed medium-blue denim jeans in a comfortable straight-leg fit” that “embody rugged, Americana workwear that's seen some hard-working action with a crackled, caked-on muddy coating that shows you're not afraid to get down and dirty.” 
 
 This was too much for Republican Senator Ben Sasse of Nebraska. 
 
 The problem is, the jeans don’t signal that you are a decent paragon of manhood who’s done an honest day’s work. They are not a butch anti-fashion symbol. If you have bought them for $425, you will likely pair them with an article of clothing that gives you away as somebody who spends far too much money on fashion anyway, and who would never wear authentically muddy jeans. The only mud you’ve ever gone near is at the beautician’s. The mud jean is a ludicrously self-sabotaging men’s style piece. 
 
 Even taking into account farm life, or a rough-and-tumble rural existence, Nordstrom’s muddy jeans make it look as if the wearer has a kamikaze relationship to mud itself, throwing himself into the nearest bog or puddle at a joyous whim. They look like the clothing of a dirt addict, not a horny-handed man of the soil. 
 
 For some really strange reason, the fresher-looking non-mud on the jean is spattered over the wearer’s groin and ass. This guy really is a mucky pup, and this is scat porn fashion, rather than a nod to rugged masculinity. The jeans just look like they need to be washed. 
 
 It’s bizarre that Nordstrom, who famously ditched Ivanka Trump ’s clothing line in February , would court such an absurd controversy—but, as so many people are exercised about it, they have clearly figured that any publicity is of the good kind. 
 
 But you wouldn’t see someone wearing a pair of ‘muddy’ jeans, and dream of horse-riding with them, or an honest life of lugging hay bales and rounding up cattle. You would just wonder why they thought wearing clearly fake mud-effect jeans was a good idea. It isn’t a seductive look. It’s a creepy one. It’s not manly or cool to look such a grotty mess. 
 
 Who is Nordstrom’s target market for them? You would not wear the mud jean in the city, because you would look ridiculous, and people would edge away from you. You would not wear them in the country, because people would know you were a total fake. In both places you would look like an ass. 
 
 That leaves the only possible market—and, hey, it’s a potentially large one—of fantasists and fetishists. 
 
 But the mud jean isn’t alone in its proud absurdity. So many jeans now are far too expensive, far too distressed, picked apart, bleached, ripped, and subject to every kind of material and color degradation and torture. 
 
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 At least the mud jean hasn’t got holes, or inelegant deliberate tears and hanging threads. (Actually, this is a design oversight: if you’d been rolling around in the mud that much you would have tears in your jeans, right?) 
 
 The mud jean is just the latest incarnation of once a beautifully simple article of clothing driven out of its intelligible style boundaries by designers and retailers who recognize people with money, young people especially, will spend phenomenal amounts of money on an article of clothing that in a saner world wouldn’t cost so much money. 
 
 What do most of us, who would never dream of spending $425 on a pair of jeans, dread the most? Yes, shopping for jeans, the experience of which begins with the heart-wrenching survey of racks of the damn things in a denim shop or Gap or wherever. 
 
 The ever-changing classifications—you know you’re getting older when you are relieved to see the words “relaxed” and “straight” paired together in a jeans retailer—serve to confuse. Can you fit into those? Damn, they have your waist but not your leg size. Should you just buy them and turn them up? You can’t bear the idea of coming back here again… 
 
 Every shopping trip for jeans either ends in an urgent drink, or getting home, drenched in embarrassment-sweat, and throwing the shopping bag down, and looking at the new pair of jeans, knowing they are likely stiff, and not your easy style buddy at least immediately. 
 
 So, really, save your hatred for Nordstrom’s mud jean. This is the inevitable, overpriced outcome of a world of jeans that has long lost its mind, and whose various design and cost insanities show no signs of abating. Chinos, we’re coming for you. 

 Topshop describes their latest fashion venture as an attempt to “think outside the box.” They wanted to get people talking, and create something “ideal as a statement piece for a festival or costume party.” 
 
 They definitely did something like that. 
 
 Topshop recently introduced their brand new 100% polyurethane jeans, meaning these $100 pants are COMPLETELY see-through. 
 
 CLEAR PLASTIC JEANS ARE YOU FEELING OKAY TOPSHOP? pic.twitter.com/fRQcrhil70 — Angela (@theawkwardblog) April 21, 2017 
 
 Don’t worry though, the pants are totally machine-washable, because that’s biggest concern someone should have when considering buying plastic, see-through jeans. Since they’re plastic, one would think you could just wipe them with a damp rag or sponge and that would do the trick. They can’t be that comfortable either, right? 
 
 Via Glamour 

 Archive-It Partner 1067: The Political TV Ad Archive, a project of the Internet Archive, collects political TV ads and social media sites in key 2016 primary election states, unlocking the metadata underneath and highlighting quality journalism to provide journalists, civic organizations, academics, and the general public with reliable information on who is trying to influence them & how. 

 Enlarge Image Nordstrom 
 
 You work a desk job where the biggest danger to your chinos is a coffee spill, but you long to live a life of physical work, like the beaten-down antihero in a vintage Bruce Springsteen song. 
 
 For just $425 (£330, AU$565), clothing retailer Nordstrom will feed your delusion with a pair of Barracuda Straight Leg Jeans complete with a "crackled, caked-on muddy coating that shows you're not afraid to get down and dirty." 
 
 The jeans appear to be absolutely filthy, like you've been crawling through a mud pit, but it's all an illusion. Nordstrom says the pants "embody rugged, Americana workwear that's seen some hard-working action." The jeans are made in Portugal. 
 
 Customers got snarky in the reviews section, offering up some zingers Monday and Tuesday: "These are perhaps the best jeans I've ever owned. Perfectly match my stick on calluses." And another: "Gotta love being able to look like I have fed the pigs, helped deliver a calf, and get the tractor unstuck without ever having to leave my BMW. Love it." 
 
 Later on Tuesday, the reviews disappeared. Nordstrom didn't immediately respond to a request for comment. 
 
 Nordstrom may be selling the jeans, but the retailer didn't invent them. PRPS, the brand behind the dirty jeans, also offers a matching $425 Mud Denim Jacket so you can rock the Canadian tuxedo look. PRPS specializes in highly distressed denim covered in holes, rips and patches. 
 
 This isn't the first time the internet has freaked out on Nordstrom. There was a lot of online scoffing over the perplexing fashion statement made by these Clear Knee Mom Jeans with plastic windows over the knees. Now if only we could get a pair of pre-stained and muddied jeans with see-through knees, then we will have achieved a whole new level of useless fashion. 
 
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 These jeans, coated in fake mud, cost $425. Seriously. (Screen image) 
 
 Nordstrom is selling “mud-stained” jeans to the tune of $425. 
 
 They’re called the “Barracuda Straight Leg Jeans” and come with some sort of fake mud substance caked all over them. (It’s not clear what that substance is.) The knees, pockets and crotch of the jeans appear bear most of the faux brown muck. 
 
 And as CNN discovered, “the dirt does not wash out, because it’s actually not real dirt.” 
 
 The jeans were designed by PRSP and are sold on Nordstrom’s website, which describes them this way: 
 
 Heavily distressed medium-blue denim jeans in a comfortable straight-leg fit embody rugged, Americana workwear that’s seen some hard-working action with a crackled, caked-on muddy coating that shows you’re not afraid to get down and dirty. 
 
 A few people with jobs that involve getting “down and dirty” are pretty miffed. 
 
 Among them is Mike Rowe, the former host of TV’s “Dirty Jobs,” who channeled his befuddled anger in a Facebook post that’s been shared more than 13,500 times and liked more than 31,000 times as of Wednesday morning. 
 
 “This morning, for your consideration, I offer further proof that our country’s war on work continues to rage in all corners of polite society,” he wrote of the jeans. “Finally — a pair of jeans that look like they have been worn by someone with a dirty job … made for people who don’t.” 
 
 “But forget the jeans themselves for a moment, and their price, and look again at the actual description,” Rowe wrote. “‘Rugged Americana’ is now synonymous with a ‘caked-on, muddy coating.’ Not real mud. Fake mud. Something to foster the illusion of work. The illusion of effort. Or perhaps, for those who actually buy them, the illusion of sanity.” 
 
 He added later in the post, “The Barracuda Straight Leg Jeans aren’t pants. They’re not even fashion. They’re a costume for wealthy people who see work as ironic — not iconic.” 
 
 This morning, for your consideration, I offer further proof that our country’s war on work continues to rage in all… Posted by Mike Rowe on Monday, April 24, 2017 
 
 The response from Twitter was swift. 
 
 As one person tweeted, “Welp, it’s official. Working class is en vogue.” 
 
 “If you want to look dirty and broke, here are those stupid dirty jeans,” tweeted another user. “I’ll stick to actual work.” 
 
 “My husband has jeans like this that he’s been wasting on car repair,” tweeted another. 
 
 $425 for a pair of jeans that are dirty and muddy, hell I'll throw your city slicker ass into a mud hole for 50 bucks — Heath Lee (@lee_speedy20) April 25, 2017 
 
 Hey folks if you want muddy jeans, don't pay $500 for a pair just find you a mud hole in Bama somewhere. — Matthew cook (@matthewkcook) April 25, 2017 
 
 @SpaceGiko I guess running through a muddy field with regular jeans is too much work. — John Smith III (@FreshAccount777) April 25, 2017 
 
 for rich people who want to cosplay as working classhttps://t.co/E87wFHO9qv — Charlotte Ercoli (@Charlesdecrema) April 25, 2017 
 
 For when you need a pair of jeans as fake as you are. https://t.co/MDRgWS3ffY — Steve Butts (@SteveButts) April 25, 2017 
 
 @kylegriffin1 Barracuda straight leg jeans company makes these jeans they figure if The US can elect a Fraud they will surely buy these jeans…1 — Mrs. B (@MrsAmy47) April 25, 2017 
 
 my grandpa is selling his barracuda straight leg jeans for $400, cheaper than what Nordstrom wants, hmu for details!!! pic.twitter.com/Nas2ftGmFG — ㅤty (@WickeTyler) April 26, 2017 
 
 The jokes spilled onto Nordstrom’s website but have since been deleted, according to Business Insider. 
 
 One read, “This is a joke, right? Do you also sell jeans covered in cow manure? Oh, that must be the deluxe model.” 
 
 Another read, “Gotta love being able to look like I have fed the pigs, helped deliver a calf, and get the tractor unstuck without ever having to leave my BMW.” 
 
 Nordstrom, however, is used to such publicity. 
 
 Earlier this year, the company caught the public’s attention for selling a pair of jeans with square-cut holes at the knee, then covered in clear plastic. “Slick plastic panels bare your knees for a futuristic feel in tapered and cropped high-waist jeans,” read the description. 
 
 They “clear knee mom jeans,” as they were call, sold for $95. 
 
 Nordstrom is losing their minds! $425 for "fake mud" covered jeans & $95 clear knee mom jeans w/ plastic windows? Who is buying this stuff? pic.twitter.com/8bMDMPfnXM — Curvy Coed Carly (@Curvycoedcarly) April 25, 2017 
 
 And then there was the company’s “medium leather wrapped stone,” — medium-sized stone wrapped in leather. 
 
 “A paperweight? A conversation piece? A work of art? It’s up to you, but this smooth Los Angeles-area stone — wrapped in rich, vegetable-tanned American leather secured by sturdy contrast backstitching — is sure to draw attention wherever it rests, ” read the description, which also boasted of its “simplicity and functionality.” That functionality remains unclear. 
 
 The product sold out last year. 
 
 @Nordstrom I've been looking for this my entire life! Finally a leather wrapped stone! pic.twitter.com/58btcOyTsb — John Lewis (@j_patrick_lewis) December 21, 2016 
 
 Some folks found a silver lining in the jeans (one that isn’t covered in mud). 
 
 One Facebook user wrote, “On a positive note, hard working guys everywhere can now sell the jeans they no longer want to wear for $400 bucks a pop!” 
 
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 Fashion retailer Nordstrom is selling a pair of $425 jeans that allegedly show "you're not afraid to get down and dirty." 
 
 The "Barracuda Straight Leg Jeans," which come with a "caked-on muddy coating," have been roundly mocked on social media, with Mike Rowe remarking that the jeans are intended to make someone appear like they have a dirty job when they do not. 
 
 "The Barracuda Straight Leg Jeans aren’t pants. They’re not even fashion. They’re a costume for wealthy people who see work as ironic – not iconic," Rowe wrote on Facebook. 
 
 On "Fox & Friends" this morning, Brian Kilmeade echoed Rowe's sentiment, saying that if you're going to wear muddy jeans, you should earn the mud. 
 
 He noted that the description on the Nordstrom website says the jeans "embody rugged, Americana workwear that's seen some hard-working action with a crackled, caked-on muddy coating that shows you're not afraid to get down and dirty." 
 
 "But yet you are afraid, because you have to buy somebody else's dirt," Kilmeade said. 
 
 "It's for the trust fund baby. It's for the kid who inherits the millions of dollars, the kid who doesn't want to work hard and wants to go into Nordstrom, pay a lot of money and act like they work," Ainsley Eardhardt said. 
 
 Steve Doocy said "hats off" to Nordstrom if they really can get $425 for these jeans, which are made in Portugal. 
 
 "If got a closet full of clothes that could look just like that in about half an hour," Doocy said. "If it works out, I'm going in to business too!" 
 
 See more reaction from the "Fox & Friends" co-hosts above. 
 
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– First a leather-shrouded rock, then jeans with "windows"—now pre-muddied pants? Nordstrom's latest eye-roller, per CNNMoney: PRPS' Barracuda Straight Leg Jeans, "heavily distressed" denim with a "crackled, caked-on muddy coating" that "embody rugged, Americana workwear"—all for $425. Cutting through the PR speak, they just look like a pair of really dirty jeans. Comments about the jeans were taken down from the Nordstrom site on Tuesday, CNET notes, but there are plenty elsewhere. Nordstrom also sells a PRPS Barracuda jacket with the same look, for the same price; Neiman Marcus and Saks sell similar Barracuda products. Some reactions: The Washington Post rounds up a few gems, with comments ranging from "pathetic" and "fake" to GOP Sen. Ben Sasse's comment that "America was nice while it lasted." Meanwhile, the Seattle Post-Intelligencer has some of the comments from the Nordstrom site, including: "These jeans are built Ford-tough for the hipster who is built Prius-weak." Robin Shreeves points out the obvious for Mother Nature Network: These jeans are "hysterical," and offers a multi-bulleted explainer, noting the price ("they cost more than the seasonal wardrobe budget I give each of my kids"), the fact that they can't go in the clothes dryer, and that this "Americana workwear" is actually made in Portugal. Fox & Friends' Steve Doocy pointed out that "Nordstrom took the Ivanka dresses out of the store to put these jeans in." Ainsley Earhardt, meanwhile, noted, "If I had known they were going to go for that much, I would've saved all of my brother's jeans and sold them on eBay." Calling it a "ludicrously self-sabotaging men's style piece," Tim Teeman writes at the Daily Beast that those who'd wear them would never get anywhere near a manual-labor worksite. "The only mud you've ever gone near is at the beautician's," he chastises. He also notes people who wear them in the city would look "ridiculous," people in the country would be deemed a "total fake," and "in both places you would look like an ass." Even Mike Rowe, host of Discovery's Dirty Jobs, weighed in. Rowe says he's been "lost" ever since jeans started sporting holes and acid washes, but his real beef with Nordstrom is with "authenticity," not aesthetics. "They're a costume for wealthy people who see work as ironic—not iconic," he writes. (How about $100 for completely see-through pants?)