Enlarge By Diyah Pera, 20th Century Fox, via AP Dwayne Johnson, left, is a hockey player sentenced to two weeks serving as the tooth fairy. Stephen Merchant plays his caseworker, and Julie Andrews is the Fairy Godmother. ABOUT THE MOVIE ABOUT THE MOVIE Tooth Fairy 
 
 * 1/2 (out of four) 
 
 Stars: Dwayne Johnson, Julie Andrews, Stephen Merchant, Billy Crystal 
 
 Director: Michael Lembeck 
 
 Distributor: 20th Century Fox 
 
 Rating: PG for mild language, some rude humor and sports action 
 
 Running time: 1 hour, 41 minutes 
 
 Opens Friday nationwide Tooth Fairy will make your teeth ache and your skin crawl. Perhaps the best thing about it is the sight of a hulking Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson in a pink tutu and big feathery wings. Otherwise this silly story and barely there comedy is about as enjoyable as a root canal. VIDEO: Watch the trailer Johnson has an affable on-screen presence. It's just too bad he rarely puts it to good use in worthy movies. Since the success of 2007's Game Plan, Johnson has focused on making fish-out-of-water family films, a clever idea given the juxtaposition of his brawny stature with his easygoing, likable manner. But this latest foray into the genre is insipid, humorless and especially derivative. It plays like The Santa Clause crossed with Elf, but without half the appeal of either. The Santa Clause resemblance is no surprise given that director Michael Lembeck was at the helm of The Santa Clause2 and 3. Johnson plays Derek Thompson, a hockey player on a Lansing, Mich., team, coasting on his ferocious ability to extract teeth from opponents. Nicknamed "the Tooth Fairy," he hasn't scored a point in a decade, nor does he even try. He has a very understanding girlfriend in Carley (Ashley Judd), a single mom to adorable little Tess (Destiny Whitlock) and pouty adolescent son Randy (Chase Ellison). Derek is a has-been who somehow still attracts fans. But, given his career trajectory, he is quick to dash their youthful dreams of greatness almost immediately upon signing an autograph. He is equally obnoxious with his girlfriend's kids. The fairy powers-that-be decide to teach the "dream-killer" a lesson. Derek receives a summons under his pillow and is sentenced to two weeks as a winged, dollar-dispensing tooth fairy. Billy Crystal has a small, cringingly unfunny role dispensing the fairy tricks of the trade, such as amnesia powder and shrinking paste. A mint that makes those who swallow it bark like dogs is mined for all the unfunny possibilities imaginable. Perhaps worst of all, the estimable Julie Andrews is the Fairy Godmother. She takes Derek to task for "committing first-degree murder of fantasy" by denying the existence of the tooth fairy and chides him and his dispatcher, Tracy (Stephen Merchant), for "behaving like leprechauns." Movies drawing on fairy-tale lore can charm the child in all of us. Enchanted and Shrek were wonderful fairy-tale-inspired treats. But Tooth Fairy's blend of dully inspirational sports film, bland, wannabe heartwarming family saga, and inane broad comedy misfires on all fronts. Rather than wit, this movie offers thuddingly bad puns and recycled gags. Derek preens in his tutu and asks if it makes his "butt look big." Orange-clad "Fairy Krishnas" are seen mingling in fairyland. When Tracy mentions the evolution of fairies, Derek quips: "Who came up with that? Charles Darwing?" This just might be the de-evolution of family entertainment. Guidelines: You share in the USA TODAY community, so please keep your comments smart and civil. Don't attack other readers personally, and keep your language decent. Use the "Report Abuse" button to make a difference. You share in the USA TODAY community, so please keep your comments smart and civil. Don't attack other readers personally, and keep your language decent. Use the "Report Abuse" button to make a difference. Read more 

 You know what got “Tooth Fairy’’ made the minute you see it: Hey, how funny would it be to put Dwayne Johnson in ballerina slippers, pink tights, and a tutu? Not very. But here’s the movie anyway, scarcely more than the pitch meeting that spawned it. Johnson plays Derek Thompson, a former NHL player now notorious in the minor leagues for his bone-crushing play. His way with opponents’ dental work has fans calling him the Tooth Fairy. In fact, he’s such a cross-checking star that the penalty box has a Barcalounger. 
 
 Derek’s gift for crushing the fantasies and professional aspirations of children, however, particularly the kids of his girlfriend (Ashley Judd), wins him two weeks in a different sort of penalty box. The department of “dissemination of disbelief’’ whisks him off to a fairy land presided over by the lovely Julie Andrews, who descends to earth on an unconvincing set of wings. He’s consigned to serve as a tooth fairy until he believes in dreams himself. The job comes with all kinds of gadgets - invisibility spray, a paste that shrinks you down to nothing. 
 
 It took five writers to get this movie made and one flatulent directing performance from Michael Lembeck. Most of the scenes just sit there on the screen, inert. For what it’s worth, “Tooth Fairy’’ is a somehow dimmer cousin of those Tim Allen “Santa Clause’’ movies. But the lesson here seems borrowed from a peewee hockey manual - “You can’t win if you don’t take a shot’’ - and the hockey playing itself is an embarrassment. So is the movie’s lame gay subtext. (Here’s the end of one exchange, allegedly about Facebook: “I love to be poked!’’) 
 
 As Derek’s lady friend, Judd is the earnest kind of terrible an actor can be only when playing a mother in a family movie. Everything she does is a variation on “Oh, geez!’’ But she’s one of the least annoying people here. As the young hotshot on Derek’s team, the X Games star Ryan Sheckler performs with a bucket of Disney Channel attitude. Derek is also followed around by Andrews’s number two, played by Stephen Merchant, a gangly man whose awkward shtick barely made the children in attendance laugh. 
 
 But they did laugh, mostly at Johnson, who, having served time in “The Game Plan ’’ and “Race to Witch Mountain,’’ is irresistible to little people. Beneath those enormous pecs beats the heart of a Muppet. For the moment he’s trapped as a mascot for this sort of pre-chewed family entertainment. But Johnson’s grins and grimaces seem numbed up here. It makes sense. For anyone over the age of 6, a shot of Novocain is required. 
 
 Wesley Morris can be reached at wmorris@globe.com. For more on movies, go to www.boston.com/movienation. 
 
 © Copyright 2010 Globe Newspaper Company.
– Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson in a tutu is pretty much the only thing Tooth Fairy has going for it, and critics aren’t exactly enchanted. Here’s what they’re saying: Tooth Fairy is nothing but a “charmless and underdeveloped knockoff of The Santa Clause,” writes Lou Lumenick of the New York Post. “Basically, if you've seen the ads, you've seen the only joke in this one-joke movie.” “This just might be the de-evolution of family entertainment,” writes Claudia Puig in USA Today. Johnson’s affable, and it’s funny seeing him in a pink tutu, but ultimately Tooth Fairy is “about as enjoyable as a root canal.” The movie’s “barely more than the pitch meeting that spawned it,” says Wesley Morris of the Boston Globe, but Johnson is irresistible to kids. “Beneath those enormous pecs beats the heart of a Muppet.” Roger Ebert concurs. “There's no way I can recommend this movie to anyone much beyond the Tooth Fairy Believement Age,” he writes for the Chicago Sun-Times, "but I must testify it's pleasant and inoffensive”