David Letterman emerged from retirement to deliver a scathing Top Ten list directed at one of his favorite targets: Donald Trump. 
 
 The former “Late Show” host made a surprise appearance at Steve Martin and Martin Short’s “A Very Stupid Conversation” event Friday night in San Antonio. 
 
 In his first onstage appearance since his final “Late Show” in May, a bearded Letterman joked that he met Martin and Short at a “Scientology mixer.” 
 
 He then expressed regret that his retirement preceded Trump’s presidential run. 
 
 Donald Trump appears on “The Late Show with David Letterman” in 2012. (CBS) 
 
 "I retired … and I had no regrets. None. I was happy," the 68-year-old said. "I was complacent, I was satisfied, I was content." 
 
 “And then a couple of days ago, Donald Trump said he was running for president," he told the cheering crowd. "I have made the biggest mistake of my life, I tell you." 
 
 Letterman reached into his suit pocket to take out an envelope, quipping, “Every suit I own comes with a Top Ten list.” 
 
 The list, titled "Top Ten Interesting Facts About Donald Trump,” included multiple barbs about the former “Apprentice” star’s hair and the presidential hopeful's controversial stance on immigration. 
 
 “He wants to build a wall? How about building a wall around that thing on his head?” Letterman said. 
 
 “Donald Trump has pissed off so many Mexicans that he's starring in a movie called ‘No Amigos,’" he also joked, in reference to Martin and Short's movie “Three Amigos.” 
 
 Even with all his wisecracks about Trump, the former talk show host also made sure to include a joke at his own expense. 
 
 “Trump walked away from a moderately successful television show for some delusional bull ... oh no wait, that’s me,” Letterman said. 
 
 David Letterman's final guests 
 
 Martin commemorated one of Letterman's rare post-retirement outings by taking a selfie with his comedy pals. 
 
 According to local station KSAT, Letterman also sat down and chatted with Martin and Short for about a half-hour, sharing stories mostly about his parents. 
 
 Just another night backstage with Marty and Letterman. pic.twitter.com/XeW8MXrwze — Steve Martin (@SteveMartinToGo) July 11, 2015 
 
 David Letterman's Top Ten Interesting Facts About Donald Trump 
 
 10. That thing on his head was the gopher from “Caddyshack.” 
 
 9. During sex, Donald Trump calls out his own name. 
 
 8. Donald Trump looks like the guy on the lifeboat with the women and children. 
 
 7. He wants to build a wall? How about building a wall around the thing on his head? 
 
 6. Trump walked away from a moderately successful television show for some delusional bull ... oh no wait, that’s me. 
 
 5. Donald Trump weighs 240 pounds — 250 with cologne. 
 
 4. Trump would like all Americans to know that thing on his head is free range. 
 
 3. If president, instead of pardoning a turkey on Thanksgiving, he plans to evict the family on Thanksgiving. 
 
 (tied with) 
 
 That’s not a hairdo, it's a wind advisory. 
 
 2. Donald Trump has pissed off so many Mexicans that he's starring in a movie called "No Amigos." 
 
 1. Thanks to Donald Trump, the Republican mascot is also an a--. 
 
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 David Letterman popped out of retirement last night to join Steve Martin and Martin Short on stage in San Antonio, where he read off a Top Ten List made for Donald Trump. 
 
 Letterman riffed a lot on his retirement and why he doesn’t regret a thing. However, he said, “I was complacent, I was satisfied, I was content, and then a couple of days ago Donald Trump said he was running for president. I have made the biggest mistake of my life.” 
 
 Letterman then pulled a list out of his suit and proceeded to jab The Donald with ten new “interesting facts” about him. 
 
 Highlights included “During sex, Donald Trump calls out his own name,” “Donald Trump weighs 240 pounds, 250 with cologne,” and “Thanks to Donald Trump, the Republican mascot now is also an ass.” 
 
 Watch the video below: 
 
 [h/t Rolling Stone] 
 
 [image via screengrab] 
 
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 Follow Josh Feldman on Twitter: @feldmaniac 
 
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– David Letterman made a surprise appearance last night at a show by friends Martin Short and Steve Martin in San Antonio, and he used the occasion to deliver a Top 10 list about none other than Donald Trump. More specifically, "Top Ten Interesting Facts About Donald Trump." It culminated with: "Thanks to Donald Trump, the Republican mascot is also an ass," but here are some others, culled from the Daily News, Mediaite, and Rolling Stone: "That thing on his head was the gopher in Caddyshack." "During sex, Donald Trump calls out his own name." "He wants to build a wall? How about building a wall around that thing on his head?" "Donald Trump has pissed off so many Mexicans that he's starring in a movie called No Amigos," a reference to Martin and Short's Three Amigos. "Trump walked away from a moderately successful television show for some delusional bull ... oh no wait, that’s me."