“I am getting there and it's a slow thing. It's a gradual thing. It's a gradual process from my responsibility. It's hard to admit. You know, I look back at this kid, now 25, it's hard to admit I did something that heinous but it's true and lately I've come to grips with the shame part of it. 

 Mark David Chapman, who shot and killed John Lennon in 1980, recently told a parole board that he finally felt regret for what he did. “Thirty years ago I couldn’t say I felt shame and I know what shame is now,” he said at a hearing in August. “It’s where you cover your face, you don’t want to, you know, ask for anything.” He added, according to The Associated Press, that he felt “more and more shame” as each year passed. 
 
 Although the hearing took place at the Wende Correctional Facility in Alden, New York over the summer, a transcript was released just today. He was denied release by the Board of Parole, which said doing so would “tend to mitigate the seriousness of [his] crime” and could put the public at risk in case someone attacked him for revenge. It was the 10th time a parole board decided to keep him serving his sentence, 20 years to life. He’ll be up for parole again in August 2020. 
 
 At this year’s hearing, he recounted the events of December 8th, 1980, when he procured an autograph from the former Beatle outside his home and shot and killed him hours later. At the hearing, he said he struggled with whether or not to go through with the killing, since Lennon had been nice to him. “I was too far in,” Chapman said. “I do remember having the thought of, ‘Hey, you have got the album now. Look at this, he signed it, just go home.’ But there was no way I was just going to go home.” 
 
 Now he calls the murder “senseless,” saying he was seeking only notoriety and felt no personal ill will toward the Beatle. Nevertheless, as AP reports, he chose to use a hollow-point bullet, which is deadlier than a regular bullet. “I secured those bullets to make sure he would be dead,” he said. “It was immediately after the crime that I was concerned that he did not suffer.” 
 
 These days, he says he’s a born-again Christian. His tasks in prison include cleaning, painting and removing wax from floors. But he says he now recognizes that his act of wrath will survive “even after I die.” 
 
 Chapman was last denied parole in 2016. At the time, the parole board gave a similar explanation to this year’s for keeping him locked up: “From our interview and review of your records, we find that your release would be incompatible with the welfare of society and would so deprecate that seriousness of the crime as to undermine respect for the law.” 

 FILE- This Jan. 31, 2018, file photo, provided by the New York State Department of Corrections, shows Mark David Chapman, the man who killed John Lennon on Dec. 8, 1980. Chapman told a parole board in... (Associated Press) 
 
 FILE- This Jan. 31, 2018, file photo, provided by the New York State Department of Corrections, shows Mark David Chapman, the man who killed John Lennon on Dec. 8, 1980. Chapman told a parole board in August 2018, when the New York state Board of Parole denied his release, that he feels "more and more... (Associated Press) 
 
 FILE- This Jan. 31, 2018, file photo, provided by the New York State Department of Corrections, shows Mark David Chapman, the man who killed John Lennon on Dec. 8, 1980. Chapman told a parole board in August 2018, when the New York state Board of Parole denied his release, that he feels "more and more... (Associated Press) FILE- This Jan. 31, 2018, file photo, provided by the New York State Department of Corrections, shows Mark David Chapman, the man who killed John Lennon on Dec. 8, 1980. Chapman told a parole board in... (Associated Press) 
 
 ALBANY, N.Y. (AP) — The man who killed John Lennon told a parole board he feels "more and more shame" every year for gunning down the former Beatle outside his Manhattan apartment in 1980. 
 
 "Thirty years ago I couldn't say I felt shame and I know what shame is now," Mark David Chapman said. "It's where you cover your face, you don't want to, you know, ask for anything." 
 
 Chapman expressed his enduring remorse for killing Lennon at his 10th parole board hearing in August at Wende Correctional Facility, where he is serving a 20-years-to-life sentence. The board denied his release that month. New York prison officials released a transcript of the hearing on Thursday. 
 
 Chapman, 63, shot and killed Lennon on the night of Dec. 8, 1980, hours after having the former Beatle autographed an album for him. 
 
 Chapman told parole board members he still thinks about how Lennon was "incredible" to him earlier that day. He said he had been going through an internal "tug of war" of whether to go ahead with the shooting. 
 
 "I was too far in," Chapman told the board. "I do remember having the thought of, 'Hey, you have got the album now. Look at this, he signed it, just go home.' But there was no way I was just going to go home." 
 
 As in previous parole hearings, Chapman went into detail about the shooting and his regret over the "senseless" act. Chapman claimed he sought notoriety and felt no animosity for Lennon, even though he loaded his gun with more lethal hollow-point bullets. 
 
 "I secured those bullets to make sure he would be dead," he said. "It was immediately after the crime that I was concerned that he did not suffer." 
 
 Chapman described working at the prison cleaning, painting and stripping wax from the floors. He said he left his quest for notoriety behind long ago and is devoted to promoting the transformative power of Jesus. 
 
 He said he realizes the pain he caused will linger "even after I die." 
 
 In its decision, the state Board of Parole said releasing Chapman would not only "tend to mitigate the seriousness of your crime," but also would endanger public safety because someone might try to harm him out of anger, revenge or to gain notoriety. 
 
 Chapman will be up for parole again in August 2020.
– Is John Lennon's killer completely repentant yet? By his own admission, no, but he's getting there. "As each year goes by, I feel more and more shame," Mark David Chapman said at his last parole hearing in August, the transcript of which was released Thursday, per the New York Daily News. "Thirty years ago I couldn't say I felt shame and I know what shame is now. ... [But] I can't say that I am 100% remorseful and I am weeping." Chapman, 63, was denied parole for the 10th time at his hearing, which Rolling Stone notes took place at the upstate New York prison where he's being held, but not before he stated he'd flown from Hawaii to New York to kill Lennon a few months before he actually carried it out; his wife had convinced him to come back home that time. He also started second-guessing his plans to shoot Lennon in December 1980 after he'd gotten Lennon to autograph an album, but "I was too far in." Chapman said the choice to use hollow-point bullets, which the AP notes are more dangerous than regular bullets, to kill Lennon was a purposeful one. "I secured those bullets to make sure he would be dead," he noted, though he added he hadn't wanted the ex-Beatle to suffer, and that he'd chosen to kill Lennon not because he had anything against him but because Lennon was "super famous, just the right kind of a person if you want to become infamous yourself." As for getting out of prison someday—he'll next be up for parole in 2020—Chapman, now a born-again Christian, says "of course" he wants to be released, but whether he deserves to be is murkier: "I don't think somebody that did what I did deserves anything." More here. (The album Lennon signed for Chapman is worth quite a bit of money.)