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 Michael Jackson's beloved album Bad turns 25 this fall, and to celebrate, Sony has unleashed a box set with a remastered version of the album plus some never before released tracks to convince us to shell out $35 for a slightly different "Smooth Criminal". And goody, one of those extra songs is a Christianity-heavy screed chastising a woman for choosing abortion instead of giving the narrator the child he is entitled to. Jesse Taylor at Wonkette first pointed me toward the tune "Song Groove (A/K/A Abortion Papers)" which includes the lyrics: 
 
 Those abortion papers Signed in your name against the words of God Those abortion papers Think about life, I’d like to have my child 
 
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 In case you weren't sure the woman is a bad lady, MJ also mentions that she's an atheist. Hey, we all judged Jackson for his, at best, incredibly inappropriate relationships with pre-pubescent children, so I guess he gets to judge the rest of us right back for having consensual sex with age-appropriate partners without feeling obligated to go through with every accidental pregnancy. 
 
 The tune is catchy (though not quite as good as that other horribly misogynist song "Dirty Diana"), and it's good that the curators of this box set thought to include it. Jackson's '80s music has a timelessness to it that can cause the listener to disassociate it from the era it came out of. But these lyrics have a goofy mix of religiosity and anxiety about women's liberation that immediately invoke a time when the term "Moral Majority" meant something and the idea of advertising condoms on television seemed beyond the pale. The "hey lady, give me my baby" lyrics instantly put the listener's mind back to those bygone years, when sexist responses to feminism in pop culture really didn't have quite the same subtlety that they do now. 

 MJ fans! Rejoice! The 25th Anniversary remaster of Bad came out on Tuesday, and it is AWESOME. Remastered, digitally perfect versions of songs like Bad, The Way You Make Me Feel, Smooth Criminal…and eight previously unreleased tracks including Song Groove! 
 
 Oh, excuse me, I should probably refer to that track by its real name: Abortion Papers. 
 
 Yes, ladies and gents (mainly ladies), Michael Jackson made a song about a young lady having an abortion. Was he for or against it, you ask? 
 
 Well, he made a song about being a badass street fighter; The Way You Make Me Feel, judging by its video, was about stalking a woman through a filthy alley (but don’t worry, Take Back the Nighters, she liked it?); and Smooth Criminal evinced an obsessive concern about a girl named Annie. Dirty Diana was all about judging a lady for being a whore. So, yeah, this is pretty much a Planned Parenthood theme song. 
 
 Here’s the song: 
 
 And here are some of the (weirdly catchy) lyrics: 
 
 Sister don’t read, she’ll never know 
 
 What about love? 
 
 Living a Christian soul 
 
 What do we get, she runs away 
 
 What about love? 
 
 What about all I pray Don’t know the worst, she knows a atheist 
 
 What about God? 
 
 Living is all I see 
 
 What do you get, things she would say 
 
 What about love? 
 
 That’s all I pray Those abortion papers 
 
 Signed in your name against the words of God 
 
 Those abortion papers 
 
 Think about life, I’d like to have my child 
 
 Hey, if you abort ’em, you can’t dangle ’em. 
 
 Alternate history time with Your Wonkette: imagine if ’80s MJ, inarguably the biggest musical superstar in the world and probably history, had released an anti-abortion song at the end of the Reagan presidency. Not only would that shit have gone straight to number one, but abortion probably would have ended three days later in a massive dance scene punctuated by a giant elephant march down Pennsylvania Avenue, capped off by America’s second baby boom as all ladies got spontaneously pregnant to the strains of I Just Can’t Stop Loving You.
– Sony released a 25th anniversary remastered edition of Michael Jackson's Bad this week, and among the eight previously unreleased songs is … an anti-abortion anthem. "Song Groove," aka "Abortion Papers," includes lyrics like, "Those abortion papers / Signed in your name against the words of God / Those abortion papers / Think about life, I'd like to have my child." At Slate, Amanda Marcotte deems it "a Christianity-heavy screed." And at Wonkette, Jesse Taylor points out, "Hey, if you abort 'em, you can't dangle 'em." But Taylor and Marcotte also agree—the song is oddly "catchy."