text:
'Undercover officer slept with me while he was spying in Scotland'
Undercover officer Mark Kennedy had intimate relationship with woman he spied on in Scotland
By Paul Hutcheon
Mark Kennedy as an undercover officer
A US citizen has revealed how she had an intimate relationship with undercover police officer Mark Kennedy while he was he was spying on her in Scotland.
Sarah Hampton was one of a number of women deceived by Kennedy and has written to First Minister Nicola Sturgeon calling for an inquiry into the scandal.
Kennedy pretended to be an environmental campaigner between 2003 and 2010 but was really a police officer working for the National Public Order Intelligence Unit (NPOIU) – run by police chiefs south of the border.
He had sex with female protestors he was keeping tabs on and had a six-year relationship with one campaigner.
His Unit is the subject of a judge-led inquiry, but Kennedy's activities in Scotland, particularly at the G8 in Gleneagles in 2005, are outwith the scope of the probe.
Kennedy was the "transport coordinator" for anti-G8 protestors and visited Scotland on 14 occasions as an undercover officer.
Hampton, 40, met Kennedy in the spring of 2005 on a trip to Ireland with a group called Take Radical Action Popular Education and Sustainable Everything (TRAPESE), for which he was the driver.
She said that, at the point when the G8 started later in the year, she and Kennedy were in a relationship.
Speaking exclusively to the Sunday Herald, she said: "By the time I was in Scotland with him we were having a full on romance. We both helped set up the demonstration eco-village during the Gleneagles anti-G8 demonstrations in Stirling. It was to show alternatives, how we could give a space to live for thousands of activists, feed them, supply toilets and showers sustainably.
"We were very busy but would spend the night in each other's tents. Mark was very loving while we were in Scotland. It was during that time that I fell in love with him."
She has not seen him for nearly ten years: "He has become a ghost to a lot of people. Supposedly he will need to testify at the Pitchford Inquiry. To be honest, I look forward to him having to look me in the eye."
Hampton, who has been living in radical anarchist communities in Spain over the last 15 years, said she is angry the Pitchford Inquiry does not apply to Scotland: "Scotland has to be involved in this inquiry and, if not, allowed start their own separate inquiry. I feel outraged that so far the Scottish government has not felt it necessary and seems that they don't even know about my story.
"I am living proof that Mark operated in Scotland - why was he allowed to sleep with a US citizen during a spy operation in Scotland? People in the UK have a right to know why he was allowed to operate in Scotland and what information he gathered there."
Kennedy also operated overseas for the Unit and Hampton believes his foreign activities should be investigated:
"Of course we want this inquiry to opened up beyond Scotland as well. It should open up to all the places he was spying: Spain, Italy, Iceland, Germany, Ireland, Northern Ireland. Why was he allowed such freedom of movement? I want apologies from everyone who allowed this, they are all responsible for my human rights violations."
She is suing the police south of the border for human rights violations.
In her letter to the First Minister, Hampton called on Sturgeon to request Scotland becomes part of the Pitchford Inquiry, or set up a separate inquiry.
In 2011, Kennedy admitted that he'd had two "relationships" with women while undercover, which he said was "wrong".
It is believed Kennedy moved to Los Angeles after the row broke over his undercover work.


By Dave Newman on Feb 19, 2018 at 9:19 a.m.
Sophomore Kylie Strop (10) is the Wildcat's leading scorer heading into the WIAA playoffs.
WIAA girls basketball regional tournament action begins around the state on Tuesday, Feb. 20.
Bloomer, Durand and Clayton were western Wisconsin teams that reached the WIAA State Tournament in 2017.
What teams represent this part of the state at the 2018 WIAA state championships at the Resch Center in Green Bay on March 8-10 is anyone's guess. There are talented teams in all five divisions, but it will take talent and a little luck to be the teams advancing to the state tournament this season.
Hudson and Superior are the only area teams competing in the Division 1 bracket. This is an incredibly strong bracket. Hudson has been an exceptional team over the second half of the season, but that still only earned the Raiders the seventh seed in the sectional bracket. This section covers a huge portion of the state, with the top seeds in the bracket coming from Appleton North and Kimberly.
Hudson enters the postseason riding an 11-game winning streak, including a victory over Eau Claire Memorial in its regular season finale to give the Raiders a share of their second straight Big Rivers Conference title. Six-foot senior forward Shayla Wallin is a force at both ends of the floor, averaging 14.6 points, 7.6 rebounds, 2.3 steals and 2.3 blocked shots while senior point guard Ty Huber contributes nearly 10 points per game. First-year coach Jess Carney was a member of Hudson's 2002 state championship team before going on to become the all-time leading scorer at Gustavus Adolphus College.
Leading scorers are sophomore Niya Wilson (12 ppg) and junior Maddy Myer (10 ppg).
The Spartans' roster includes just two seniors (Sophie Kintop and Lexi Jensen). First-year head coach is Dave Kontny, who had a record of 157-59 during his 10 years as the head coach of the Spartan boys.
River Falls and New Richmond are the two area teams competing in the Division 2 bracket and they will get to face each other in the opening night of regional tournament action. The Tigers will meet on Tuesday, Feb. 20, on the Wildcats' home court. This comes three days after the Wildcats and Tigers ended the regular season facing each other.
Onalaska and Rice Lake are the top seeds in the Sectional 1 bracket. Onalaska finished the regular season with a 19-3 record, taking second place behind La Crosse Aquinas in the Mississippi Valley Conference. Aquinas is the top-ranked team in the state in Division 4 and Onalaska is ranked sixth in Division 2.
The young Wildcats won just two games against mostly Division 1 competition in the Big Rivers Conference but have done well in the postseason in recent years after dropping down to Division 2 for the playoffs. River Falls won the sectional title in 2015 despite going 5-7 in BRC play and have reached the regional final each of the last two seasons. Sophomore guard Kylie Strop averages a team-high 16.4 points per game while junior post Bailey Reardon is averaging 13.1 points and 7.3 rebounds.
The Tigers are a young team that has played competitive ball against nearly all of its opponents, especially over the past month. New Richmond's leading scorer is guard Lorin Bauer, the only senior starter. There is plenty of young talent on the Tigers that is molding into a cohesive team. Freshmen Leah DeYoung and Barb Kling have been promising additions. A deep sophomore class, led by Audrey Feuerer and Maya Greenquist, is a talented, energetic group. Sophomore Jessica Hagman is working back from a major knee injury last summer. Her return adds another tall, athletic player to the Tigers' arsenal.
Area teams competing in Sectional 1 in Division 3 include St. Croix Central, Prescott, Somerset and Ellsworth. St. Croix Central is the highest seed among those four Middle Border Conference teams, drawing the second seed. Northwestern, which finished third in the Heart O'North Conference, is the fifth seed in the regional bracket. Hayward (19-3), the champion of the HON, received the top seed in the sectional bracket. The Hurricanes are ranked fourth in the Division 3 state rankings. There are a number of top quality teams in this bracket. St. Croix Central, Bloomer and Amery are also teams that could make noise in this region.
The Panthers went through the Middle Border Conference season without a loss. Central's only losses came early in the season against Dunn-St. Croix Conference powers Colfax and Durand. Central enters the tournaments on a 15-game win streak. The Panthers are led by senior Mia Krogseng, one of the most well-rounded players in western Wisconsin. She leads the team averaging 18.2 points per game, and she ranked among the MBC leaders in assists and rebounds. The Panthers have the ability to score from anywhere in the offensive end of the court, with Claire Frankiewicz as a potent threat in the post and Kalli Cress leading a group of accurate outside shooters.
The Tigers are 15-7 overall and 10-4 in the Heart O'North Conference. They are led by last season's Superior Telegram Player of the Year, and future Finlandia Lion, Katie Lundeen (15 ppg).
Mac Correll is the Tigers' outside threat, averaging 11.3 ppg, which included 70 three-point baskets. Northwestern is a smart, veteran team that could give Amery a challenge if they meet up in the regionals on Friday.
Last year the Cardinals finished their regular season with an 8-14 record, but the Prescott team has added two key offensive weapons to their roster since then. Junior Haylee Yaeger was added to the team's roster this season after she moved to Prescott from Hastings, and played a large role in landing the Cardinals a sixth seed in this year's sectional tournament. The 6-foot center has given the Cardinals an inside presence that they haven't had in years past. With her height and strength, she can finish at the rim against the best defenders, but can also recognize when she needs to kick the ball out to one of her teammates when going up against a double- or triple-team. One of Yaeger's go-to teammates is freshman Bella Lenz who can put up 15 plus points any given night. The freshman guard is a threat behind the arc, but can also drive the lane against defenders twice her size. Lenz's mentor, veteran point guard Allie Murphy, leads her team with her sound fundamentals and unfaltering poise in her third season on the varsity squad. Scoring hasn't been a problem for Prescott with Yaeger, Lenz and Murphy, but the team has lacked consistency in their defensive game throughout the season. They hosted the 11th-seeded Ellsworth team, their conference opponent, in the opening round of playoffs on Tuesday night.
The Spartans, the eighth seed, hosted ninth-seeded Barron on Tuesday in the opening round of the playoffs. Somerset has found its game over the second half of the season, finishing the regular season on a 6-3 run. Somerset is led by hard-charging senior point guard Anna Rybacki, whose drives to the basket are a key ingredient in the team's success. Rybacki's drives create open shots for her teammates, primarily senior Tori Gareis and junior Georgia Hammer, who have been highly accurate perimeter shooters. After graduating the top six players from the team that reached the sectional title game last winter, the Spartans have regrouped admirably to become the fourth place team in the Middle Border Conference.
The young Panthers dropped a 72-61 loss to the Prescott Cardinals on Feb. 6, then returned to their conference opponent's home court on Tuesday, Feb. 20 for a playoff rematch. Most prep teams would be dispirited with only four wins on the season, but the Panthers' optimism has helped them bounce back from double-digit deficits in many of their games. Ellsworth is led in scoring by freshman Autumn Earney who has made a name for herself in her first year of varsity basketball. The Panthers have struggled with foul trouble and inconsistent interior defensive play throughout the season, but when they play with confidence, they're able to hang around top conference opponents such as Prescott and St. Croix Central. Second-year head coach Jason Janke has brought hope for the future of Ellsworth girls basketball, but Janke will try and knock off a few teams before they begin thinking about the seasons to come.
Spring Valley is the lone area team competing from our readership area in Division 4. A number of traditional powers are lurking as the main contenders to advance out of this bracket. St. Croix Falls and Colfax are the top two seeds and they're regular threats to advance to sectionals. Clear Lake and Cameron are both 18-win teams from the Lakeland Conference who can't be counted out. Cameron is ranked tenth in the state and still only received the fourth seed in the bracket.
It's been a long season for the Spring Valley Cardinals, whose only win of the season came against Division 5 Eau Claire Immanuel Lutheran. However, the Cardinals have remained true to their preseason promise that they'd put forth their best effort every single night they competed. The Division 4 team only averages 30.4 points per game, and hasn't found a consistent high-scorer on its roster. SV's leading scorer, junior Lexi Johansen, is averaging 8.4 points per game and can shoot from outside and create crafty plays in the paint. Johansen recorded her career-high 26 points against Colfax in January, but was held to just two points in both of the Cardinals' last two games of the regular season. There's almost no chance that the Cardinals will pull off a road upset against Cameron (18-4) — the No. 10-ranked Division 4 team — in the first round of playoffs, but fans can bet that the Cardinals will leave everything they have left on the Comets' home court.
Elmwood-Plum City will be competing in Sectional 3 in the Division 5 state tournament bracket.
Sectional 3 covers much of southwestern Wisconsin, with E-PC being one of the northernmost schools in the bracket. Bangor, the third ranked Division 5 team in the state, is the top seed in the section.
The Wolves have been up against talented Division 4 Dunn-St. Croix teams — Durand, Colfax, Elk Mound and Mondovi — for the entire season, but are ready to face their Division 5 competition starting on Tuesday, Feb. 20 when they host Royall (9-12) in their regional game. EPC relied on its athleticism all season, but has become a talented outside shooting team as its season has wound down. Center Lexi Diesing leads the Wolves with 9.7 points per game, but Rowan Rupakus has bumped up her average with 18-, 19- and 20-point games in February. Senior Ellie Funk is the Wolves' top distributor with 3.4 assists per game, and Hannah Feuker has become a reliable defensive force in the paint for the EPC team. The Wolves will need to remain patient against trap defenses and rely on their basketball IQs to get past their equally-matched Royall opponents.


text:
Other Brigham Publications
Brigham Bulletin
Clinical & Research News
Cory Gallant, BS, RN, Clinical Nurse
Cory Gallant
Cory Gallant, BS, RN, never loses sight of the humanity of critically ill patients, even when they are sedated. "These patients require a human's touch, they deserve compassion, empathy, respect and, most importantly, they need me to advocate for them," he says.
These principles guide his nursing practice, which centers on building trusting relationships, keeping his patients safe and comfortable during procedures and easing their concerns.
"Cory can bring the patient and family from a level of high anxiety to one of comfort and knowledge within moments because of his engagement. He laughs with them, worries with them and, at times, he will cry with them," wrote Mary Lou Dorman, MS, BSN, RN, former assistant nursing director, in a letter of support. "Cory gives them a piece of his heart with the hope and grace that it will give them the comfort to endure the treatment plan outlined by him and the team he represents."
Nursing Director Joshua Peltz, MSN, MBA, RN, recalled a time when Gallant was caring for a patient who passed away, despite the team's extensive resuscitation efforts. Gallant took extra measures to support the patient's husband, arranging for the room to be cleaned and for the patient to be prepared before he came into the room.
"Cory portrayed what it is to be a nurse during this unfortunate outcome," Peltz wrote in his nomination of Gallant. "He continually communicated with the care team, worked to ensure the patient's needs were always met and exemplified what it means to have a caring practice."
Equally caring when it comes to his colleagues, Gallant is known as an outstanding mentor. "He seeks innovative approaches tailored to the needs of nurses new to the Cath Lab to help them succeed, creating a positive learning environment in which everyone is treated with kindness and respect," said Peltz.
Natalia Berry, MD, MBA, described Gallant as a "true leader," noting his motivation to find opportunities for self-improvement and for the improvement of the lab as a whole.
"He holds us all to a higher standard and exemplifies the standard of excellence we are striving for here at BWH," she wrote in a letter of support.
Gallant, who has 13 years of nursing experience, earned his bachelor's degree in health and sciences from the University of New England and is pursuing his MSN at Southern New Hampshire University.

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaCommonCrawl


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UCD honours outstanding graduates with Alumni Awards
University College Dublin President Professor Andrew J Deeks has presented UCD Alumni Awards to ten of the University's notable graduates who have achieved excellence in their fields of expertise.
The awards are the University's leading annual event honouring outstanding Alumni, nominated by peers and faculty, who reflect the very best of ambition, application and achievement.
This year's awardees have excelled in the arts, health, business, agriculture, sport, engineering and architecture, academic research and impact, social science and law.
Pictured above: Alumni Awardees, Michael McGlynn, Dr Sheila Willis, Paul O'Donovan, Eamonn Sinnott, Mary Sutton, Dr Garrett Fitzgerald, Caoilfhionn Gallagher, Dr Des Rice, Dr Edmond Harty and UCD President Professor Andrew J Deeks. Pic credit: Conor Healy
The UCD Alumni Awards event was made possible through the generous support of sponsors Microsoft, Bank of Ireland, Intel, AIB, Eversheds Sutherland, RKD Architects, Codex, PwC, Three and Scott Tallon Walker, and supporters Lidl and The Gloss.
At the special alumni event, UCD President, Professor Deeks, presented awards to the following alumni:
Mary Sutton – UCD Social Sciences
Mary Sutton completed a Bachelor of Social Science degree in UCD in 1974, followed by a Master's degree in Economics at McMaster University in Canada. For most of her career, Mary worked in international development, before joining The Atlantic Philanthropies in 2008, becoming Country Director for the Republic of Ireland in 2011. Now in her tenth year with Atlantic, she is overseeing the conclusion of its work in Ireland in line with Chuck Feeney's "limited life" and "giving while living" philosophy.
Eamonn Sinnott – UCD Business
Eamonn Sinnott is Vice President of the Technology and Manufacturing Group at Intel Corporation and the General Manager of Intel in Ireland, having received an MBA from UCD in 2000. He joined Intel in 1991, and was appointed General Manager of Intel Ireland in 2010 where he was instrumental in securing the record $7 billion upgrade to the Leixlip campus. This has enabled the production of Intel's leading-edge process technologies and products from Ireland.
Dr Garret A FitzGerald – UCD Research, Innovation and Impact
Dr Garret FitzGerald is the McNeil Professor in Translational Medicine and Therapeutics at the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia. He chairs the Department of Systems Pharmacology and Translational Therapeutics and directs the Institute for Translational Medicine and Therapeutics at the university. He received his Bachelor of Medicine in 1974 from UCD followed by his Doctorate in 1980. Dr FitzGerald's research has been characterised by an integrative approach to explaining the mechanisms of drug action, drawing on work in cells, model organisms and humans.
Emily Logan – UCD Health Sciences
Emily Logan is the first Chief Commissioner of the Irish Human Rights and Equality Commission, appointed by President Michael D Higgins in 2014. She graduated with an MBA and Diploma in Mediation from UCD. Emily leads the IHREC in their goal to protect and promote human rights and equality. Prior to this, she served as Ireland's first Ombudsman for Children and in 2008 was appointed by her peers to the position of President of the European Network of Ombudsmen for Children.
Dr Edmond Harty – UCD Engineering & Architecture
Professor Edmond Harty is regarded as one of the world's pioneers in agricultural technology. Having completed his PhD in Agricultural and Food Engineering in 2002, his creativity, ambition, determination and leadership has helped to make Dairymaster one of the most successful agritech businesses in the international arena. Professor Harty has overseen Dairymaster's success as a global leader in technology for dairy farming.
A post shared by Alumni Relations UCD (@ucdalumni) on Nov 10, 2017 at 2:19pm PST
Caoilfhionn Gallagher QC- UCD Law
London-based human rights lawyer Caoilfhionn Gallagher was made Queen's Counsel in 2017 in recognition of her exceptional international work, acting for journalists and peaceful protestors who have been arbitrarily detained all over the world. She recently led the legal team for Ibrahim Halawa, the Irish national who, at 17, was detained in Egypt in 2013. She also regularly acts for journalists worldwide who are imprisoned, prosecuted, sued or subjected to travel bans due to their journalism.
Michael McGlynn – UCD Arts & Humanities
Michael McGlynn is a composer, producer and Artistic Director of the vocal ensemble Anúna, which he founded in 1987. He created Anúna with the intent of developing an Irish form of ensemble singing that wove convincing connections between the ancient singing traditions and the literature of his homeland. Today Anúna is regarded as one of the finest vocal groups in the world and Michael's compositions have been performed Grammy-winning ensembles the Phoenix Chorale, Kansas City Chorale and Chanticleer.
Dr Sheila Willis – UCD Science
Former Director General of Forensic Science Ireland Dr Willis's career has focused on how science can be used to investigate crime and assist the administration of justice. She was been director of the laboratory from 2002 to 2016, and during this time took the organisation to the highest international standard. Sheila pioneered the introduction of DNA profiling to our legal system and recruited an expert team of molecular biologists to set up the national DNA Database System in 2015.
Dr Des Rice OBE – UCD Agriculture and Veterinary Medicine
Dr Des Rice OBE is a veterinarian who specialised in livestock nutrition. After two years in veterinary practice in Ireland, he spent four years developing a Veterinary Investigation Laboratory in El Salvador, followed by 10 years on nutritional-disease research in Belfast, obtaining a PhD. For services to the Agrifood Industry he received an OBE from the British Government in 2004. Now, through his business, CCO, he provides coaching and mentoring services on strategic, human behaviour and stress management issues to many businesses.
Paul O'Donovan – UCD Sport
Paul O'Donovan is an Irish rower, world-class sportsman and the only Irishman to win both World Championship and Olympic medals in the same year. Paul completed his BSc in Physiotherapy just this year and is our youngest Alumni Award winner ever. With his brother Gary, he won silver in the Men's Lightweight Double Sculls at the 2016 Rio Olympics, the first rowing medal won by Ireland at the Olympics. Two weeks later, the UCD Ad Astra scholar became World Champion in the Men's Lightweight Single Sculls at Rotterdam.
By: Jamie Deasy, digital journalist, UCD University Relations


text:
Q: ORDER BY formula not working correctly I've been searching for hours trying to figure out why ORDER BY would not work correctly on a formula:
SELECT *,
    FORMAT(LowPriceCompetitor - (-(products.distPrice + 0.30) / ((Rates.rate + 0.02 + Rates.defaultMarkup) - 1)), 2) AS margin
FROM products
LEFT JOIN Rates ON products.MasterCategoryID = Rates.categoryID
ORDER BY margin

How can I get MySQL to correctly order the output of a formula? This should work!

A: One quick way to sort strings as numeric values (for example, values returned by the FORMAT() function, or any other expression that returns a character datatype),
is to add zero to the expression. MySQL will perform an implicit conversion from character to numeric:
SELECT FORMAT(lpc - (-(p.dp + 0.30) / ((r.rate + 0.02 + r.dm) - 1)), 2) AS margin
  FROM t
  JOIN ...
 ORDER BY margin+0
                ^^---- quick fix here is to add zero

A: I'm surprised I could not find this here on SO. The solution is to use ROUND rather than FORMAT. i.e.
SELECT *,
    ROUND(LowPriceCompetitor - (-(products.distPrice + 0.30) / ((Rates.rate + 0.02 + Rates.defaultMarkup) - 1)), 2) AS margin
FROM products
LEFT JOIN Rates ON products.MasterCategoryID = Rates.categoryID
ORDER BY margin

I should have been using ROUND to start with. FORMAT returns the result as a string...
I hope this helps someone else.

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaStackExchange


text:
Category: Novels
Ann Hood
on February 3, 2021 March 13, 2021 By Lara Ehrlich
I made the decision that I wasn't going to be a parent whose baby dictated their life. I wanted kids to be part of the life I'd built, because I thought I built a really fun, exciting life.
CW: Child loss
READ THE TRANSCRIpt
(February 2, 2021) Ann Hood is the New York Times best-selling author of 14 novels, 4 memoirs, a short story collection, a 10-book series for middle readers, and 1 young adult novel. Her essays and short stories have appeared in many journals, magazines, and anthologies, including The Paris Review, Ploughshares, and Tin House. She is a regular contributor to the Home Economics column in The New York Times Op-Ed page, and her most recent work is Kitchen Yarns, published with W.W. Norton and Company in early 2019. She is a faculty member in the MFA in Creative Writing program at The New School in New York City and lives in Providence, Rhode Island, with her husband and their children. She describes writer-motherhood in three words as "best thing ever."
FROM THE EPISODE: READING LIST & REFERENCES
Ann Hood's website
Ann's books
Ann's essay "The Boys of Summer," NYT
Ann's Craft Talks
Bread Loaf Writers' Conference
Charles Addams cartoons
The Pushcart Prize
Yaddo
Labor Day, edited by Eleanor Henderson
Wanting a Child, edited by Helen Schulman and Jill Bialosky
"Hamlet and His Problems," T.S. Eliot on objective correlative
Andre Dubus III
Laura Lippman
I've always loved to travel, so it seemed kind of natural to become a flight attendant. I wanted to be a writer. I thought, well, if I'm a flight attendant, I will surely have adventures that will give me more things to write about.
I loved my 20s. I was the happiest flight attendant. I was writing. I sold my book in my 20s. I just couldn't see how kids would fit into my life. I had a long-term boyfriend who I adored, and we had this very distant, fuzzy idea of having kids someday, but it wasn't something we talked about a lot or planned. I never had that biological clock ticking thing. Once I decided to have a baby, then I was all on board, and it wasn't a hard decision. Once I had one, I wanted, like, five. I just loved it.
Because I was a writer for so long without children, I used to do whatever I wanted when I wanted. If I wanted to stay up all night writing, that was fine. If I wanted to lock myself away for a few days and finish a project, that was fine. If I wanted to drink in the afternoon, that was fine. Anything was fine! And all of a sudden, it's like, oh my goodness, this is gonna be a challenge.
I had made the decision that I wasn't going to be a parent whose baby dictated their life. I wanted kids to be part of the life I had built, because I thought I built this really fun, exciting life, and I thought they should fit into it. From the time my son was a baby, I was taking him all over the world with me. I was taking him on book tours. These things have got to coexist. I put him in those little chairs that you can bounce and bounced it with my foot and wrote my novels or essays or whatever I was working on.
"I had made the decision that I wasn't going to be a parent whose baby dictated their life. I wanted kids to be part of the life I had built, because I thought I built this really fun, exciting life, and I thought they should fit into it."
When I was in labor, I was judging the Barnes and Noble First Book Award.
I think pretty quickly, once my son was past being a toddler and went off to two hours three times a week to school, I retrained to myself to write when those hours opened up. I think so many women do that. I read an essay by Anne Tyler once in which she said that she would take her kids to school in her pajamas, get them out of the car, and run home to write and then pick them up. You know, all the other moms were like, "Are you still doing that writing thing?" Because she wouldn't sit around and chat, because she knew she had that many hours. I think a lot of women who are writers and mothers have learned to do that same thing. It's like nap time–okay I can write. Or a play date, I can write for three hours or whatever.
After Grace died, I didn't write for about two years. I remember a really wise writer friend of mine said, "Of course you can't write, because we write to make sense of things, and there is no sense to what happened." Your mind can't even try to make sense of it.
I sat down, and I wrote on post-it notes all the facets of grief. Then I looked at them all, and I chose the ones that I thought were the most interesting and created a character to sort of reflect that emotion. I had hope and love and resignation and regret, and then I made up characters to personify those things. And that was The Knitting Circle.
Over the course of writing The Knitting Circle and when it first came out, I would have this idea about grief, as if I figured out one little, tiny piece of it. I'd write an essay about that little, tiny piece.
I've had so many people—hundreds, maybe more—say, "You're expressing what I don't know how to say," or "You wrote about something that I couldn't explain," or people would say they gave the book to their mother or friend or husband. For me, that made it worthwhile to talk about it, although it's always hard.
Before I had children, I still wrote about motherhood, I think because I'm so family-oriented, and I came from a big family. The thing that interests me is relationships between mothers and daughters; sisters—I don't even have a sister, but women. More than love stories, I like the women's stories. Every time I would write a book, my mother would say to me, "Another bad mother. Everybody's gonna think I'm the worst mother. I don't like that." They're not bad mothers; they're flawed. Once I had kids, I'm not sure my writing changed that much, except I was a better writer. I think I could explore things more deeply.
I kind of saw motherhood as a grand adventure, which I think it is. There were times, especially when Sam and Grace were little, when I can remember being in a grocery store, and they were just off the wall, being bad and running. I remember thinking, "No, this isn't what this is supposed to be. I don't like this part." They were pretty much all good kids and did what they were supposed to do and were creative and fun. I had a lot of fun with them, but there were those moments when it was like, this isn't what I signed up for. But mostly, I just always thought of it as an adventure.
When my kids were little, I would say, "You can't come in this room for an hour." I think it gets easier when they're older.
"When my kids were little, I would say, 'You can't come in this room for an hour.'"
By the time I had my first kid, I already had written six books and I had columns in magazines. I was always working. But I have so many women students who feel guilty writing because they don't think they've earned it, because they haven't published yet. I've had women tell me that their husbands have said they could write for one year, and if you don't finish it or the book doesn't sell, then it's not for you. We know that's not how writing or publishing works. It makes me feel bad that in 2021, women are still feeling guilty about their dream or their work or their passion.
"It makes me feel bad that in 2021, women are still feeling guilty about their dream or their work or their passion."
From when Sam was quite young, I was always a firm believer in the babysitter. We lived right near Brown University, and they just had a bulletin board with little paper you ripped off. I called up every kid, like, "Come. I need to work." I think it's great for your kid to be with a teenager. I would say we're still very close to probably 60 to 70 percent of those babysitters.
Work—and your passion—don't always make money. We will not be valued unless we value ourselves and what we're doing, and I always saw the value in my writing time. I used to take my kids on book tours with me because I wanted them to see what I do. I wanted them to see that people show up. Sometimes there's 4 people in the room, and sometimes it's 400 people. I always wanted them to see it.
"Work—and your passion—don't always make money. We will not be valued unless we value ourselves and what we're doing. If you see your writing as worthwhile, then it is."
If you see your writing as worthwhile, then it is.
I think my son completely loves that I'm a writer because it allowed him to pursue acting. I never once said, "You can't major in theater" or "You're wasting your time" or "That's your hobby." He wanted to be an actor, and I got it, because I'm an artist, too. He was shocked when someone said to him once, "Your mother's gonna let you major in theater in college?" He couldn't imagine that someone wouldn't.
My kids appreciate what I do. I can I hear, when they introduce me to their friends, that they're proud because they know it's hard to be a writer, that you sit with nothing and you make something.
"It's hard to be a writer, that you sit with nothing and you make something."
Elle Nash
on January 18, 2021 March 13, 2021 By Lara Ehrlich
We can all do magic. The simplest definition of magic is putting your will out into the world. We do that with art.
(January 18, 2021) Elle Nash is the author of the novel Animals Eat Each Other (Dzanc Books), which was featured in O – The Oprah Magazine, and hailed by Publishers Weekly as a "complex, impressive exploration of obsession and desire." A small collection of stories, Nudes, is forthcoming from SF/LD Books in Spring 2021. Her short stories and essays appear in Guernica, The Nervous Breakdown, Literary Hub, The Fanzine, New York Tyrant and elsewhere. She is a founding editor of Witch Craft Magazine, a fiction editor at Hobart Pulp and Expat Press, and runs an annual workshop called Textures. Elle has one child and she describes writer-motherhood in three words as, "boundary-building, productive."
Elle Nash's Website
Elle's Book: Animals Eat Each Other
Textures, Elle's writing workshop
Witch Craft Magazine, Elle's magazine
Chloé Caldwell
Transgressive Fiction
Frisk, Dennis Cooper
Heartbreaker, Maryse Meijer
While I was working in the office, I was like, "I can't imagine being a mom this way. I can't imagine working full-time and trying to manage a household and a relationship and be a mom all at the same time. I don't know how working moms keep it all together." Now I am a working mom, and you just figure it out.
I had been working on a manuscript, and I was in the fog of breastfeeding, too. There's something hormonally about it that made me feel not as sharp, a combination of exhaustion and having this new person always around. There's this weird mind-melding thing that happens, where your identities kind of fuse, which I think is on purpose so you can understand and know what your baby needs. I had trouble breaking out of that when I was working on my manuscript.
I sat down and wrote my novel in 11 weeks. I just woke up around four or five in the morning, and my daughter was starting to have more regular naps, so I would write every time she was asleep during the day, too. I just committed to it. And that's how I got my first draft done. It was definitely a lot of not sleeping.
I don't want to speak to this as if it's a universal experience, but it seems like new moms struggle with identity and feeling like their own person, and some moms struggle with this for a lot longer. Part of this is when moms feel guilty for taking time out for themselves. I experienced that, where I felt bad for asking, for example, for time to write on the weekends.
"It seems like new moms struggle with identity and feeling like their own person, and some moms struggle with this for a lot longer. Part of this is when moms feel guilty for taking time out for themselves."
It was easy for me to think: I'm staying at home and don't have a job, even though I'm literally running an entire household, and I'm taking care of a tiny human. It was easy for me to think that I didn't deserve the time, because there's all this time already, even though that time is actually spent. I had to go through a process of seeing my alone time as valuable and important for me and setting boundaries.
I believe in everyone's personal agency and a person deciding what is right for them and what their boundaries are, but in a coming-of-age story or this life experience with a new human, those boundaries can become really blurred. It can be difficult to figure out where the boundaries are.
[Elle's advice to writer-moms:] The first step is to have really clear goals. The second step is not having excuses, being able to write whenever you can. My third step was making it known to my partner where I was, like wanting to write for four hours on Saturday morning and trying to negotiate that and making it known that it's important for me on multiple levels—mental health, happiness, life goals, all those things. It also means being pragmatic about your time.
You have to have a good balance of being disciplined and being clear with what you want. But also, not beating yourself up when you don't do it. I think the beating yourself up part of it can contribute to having low self-esteem, and that can impede you from being able to reach your goal overall.
"You have to have a good balance of being disciplined and being clear with what you want. But also, not beating yourself up when you don't do it."
I know that most bestsellers don't tend to outlive their generation, and I'm also really interested in legacy, to a degree. It's hard for me to look 10 or 20 years down the line and say, where exactly do I want to be? I would say I really don't want to peak until I'm, like, 60.
"It's hard for me to look 10 or 20 years down the line and say, where exactly do I want to be? I would say I really don't want to peak until I'm, like, 60."
I loved being pregnant in Arkansas. People were really wonderfully nice. It's very family oriented and a bit more traditional and conservative there; people would treat you like a very high-class citizen when you're pregnant. People would let me cut in line at the DMV. Everyone's just really nice to you when you're pregnant. They're also really nice to you when you have a brand-new baby–but it drops off when the baby's older and no longer cute.
"Everyone's just really nice to you when you're pregnant. They're also really nice to you when you have a brand-new baby–but it drops off when the baby's older and no longer cute."
I find it very interesting how society treats pregnancy and pregnant women and what kind of pressure that can put on a person who wants to be pregnant but isn't.
The first few months being back in your hometown that you left after high school is definitely really freaky. It's almost like people still dress like it's 2005 here sometimes. It did feel a little bit like going back in time. I also forgot just how powerful mountains are. Growing up, I never really paid attention to them, and now, every day, I stare at this mountain and I'm just like, "Holy shit. It's majestic." I don't know why I didn't care about it before.
"The real world kind of sucks. It can be really harsh, so I think having a community of people who are interested in the wonderful aspects of art that you're interested in can make things feel less lonely."
We can all do magic. It's pretty practical. I think everything we do in terms of ritual is a form of magic. When you're writing, and you're creating a particular atmosphere in another person's mind, that's magic. It's a very practical type of thing that we do every day. The simplest definition of magic is putting your will out into the world. We do that with art, we do that with our intentions.
"The simplest definition of magic is putting your will out into the world. We do that with art, we do that with our intentions."
My dad pretty much was like, "Well, you're going into college or going into the Army," and I really was not wanting to go into the Army, so I went to school for journalism.
Continue to try every day, and whenever you find yourself comparing yourself to other people and where they are—if someone has a book announcement and you feel saddened by your own lack of that—just try to recognize that you're relating to that person because you want to be where they are. It's demonstrating to you that there is a pathway forward for you.
"I hope that seeing me doing something that I love can demonstrate to–and encourage–my daughter that she deserves that type of space, too."
Writing is a balance of not being too hard on yourself but continuing to show up and do the work as much as you can. Accept that sometimes you have to sacrifice certain elements: If you want that extra hour of writing time, make your dinner as low effort as possible.
If it's becoming too difficult, it's okay to take breaks, especially when you first have a kid and they're really dependent on you. They're really little for a very short period of time. If you need to take that break and spend that time with them while they're little, that's 100% okay.
Creating Community for Writer-Moms, with Scribente Maternum
"I'm for women being just a little bit selfish."
Carla du pree
scribente maternum
In this special episode, "Creating Community for Writer-Moms," the founders of Scribente Maternum offer actionable advice for seeking out, creating, and participating in writer-mom communities. The panel features Rachel Berg Scherer, Carla du Pree, Caytie Pohlen-LaClare, and Elizabeth Doerr, whose bios can be found at the bottom of this page. Scribente Maternum is a community of writers that explores our emotions as mothers, provides space to recharge, facilitates connections with other writers, and inspires personal and collective action. The organization hosts an annual retreat in February.
Read the bios of this episode's panelists at the bottom of this page.
Learn more about Scribente Maternum here.
EPISODE RESOURCES
Scribente Maternum website
Scribente Maternum February retreat
CityLit Project
Better Smarter Stronger
AWP Conference
An awesome tension exists between being the on-call parent and a creative professional.
Rachel Berg Sherer
There's a unique dichotomy of being both inspired by and distracted by our children. We created Scribente Maternum to live with that balance and find the time to still be creative and be moms.
You're always a mother, and you're always a writer–even when you're not actually doing the act of writing. You're always thinking about these different personalities and how they show up in the world, how they announce themselves. My mom used to say: "When children are young, they're around your feet, and as they grow older, they're around your heart."
"You're always a mother, and you're always a writer–even when you're not actually doing the act of writing." — Carla Du Pree
When we talk about balance, it's not ever exactly 50/50; you're going to give more time to your children, and your writing is going to drop down for a while, but then you might have times when you can do a little bit more writing. It's a give and take.
Caytie Pohlen LaClare
"I learned that if I was happy, my kids would be happy. If I fed my spirit, it meant that I could feed theirs." — Carla Du Pree
I like to change the concept of what is writing. Writing can be the physical act of writing. Writing also means paying attention, observing the world in a different way, listening to people with a different ear, taking time to really absorb and observe what's around you. That's writing to me, and it's not necessarily something you have to pinpoint or structure.
"Listen to children, the way everything is new to them. They're like walking scribes. We have to listen and pay attention and be in that moment with them." — Carla Du Pree
I've become a better writer in some ways since having a kid because I'm paying attention to what he's observing in the world. As adults, we take some of the things going on in the world for granted. When we travel with my kid, he notices things that I would have walked right past. That's a huge example of how they are sources of inspiration. If we see the world through their eyes, they're our viewpoint and inspiration.
Elizabeth Doerr
I've become so much more efficient since I had children. My whole process has changed. I find myself outlining entire essays in my head when I'm with small children and don't have time to sit and write. I have an ongoing notes app on my phone, where I quickly type when something comes to mind.
I'm very externally motivated, so having a group that holds me accountable, with deadlines, is how I will force myself to make time to write. The time is there; it's just a matter of looking for it.
Writing with a baby or toddler is different than writing with elementary or high school kids. That's the biggest thing to keep in mind: It continues to evolve. And just when you think you've got it down, it changes again, because your kids are in a new stage as well.
"Motherhood is messy. You will not be perfect, but life isn't either. And neither is writing. Quite frankly, that first draft is usually horrible." — Carla Du Pree
When we started Scribente Maternum, we wanted a real space where mothers could embrace their motherhood and the idea of rage in motherhood—because there is that, too. Like, "How dare you take up all this time, when all I want to do is this one little thing."
It's a wonderful thing to find a writer who really identifies with the way you write or a poet whose work you really want to support and become writer friends or literary friends from that. There are all kinds of ways to build community.
Being a parent can be isolating, and being a writer can be isolating. It's so important to have a place you can go where other people have similar experiences and can offer encouragement. Knowing that somebody else is going through the same thing helps you feel like a part of that group, and not so alone in your individual world.
I think of mothers always as creative beings. You created a miracle. You have so much to offer, and it's so important to hear your stories. When I think about black mothers writing, I remember I was on a goose hunt, trying to find stories that had characters that look like my children. I'm supporting every writer of color, every black mother, every mother, period. We need to hear your stories. Your children need to read them. I'm for women being just a little bit selfish.
"I'm for women being just a little bit selfish." — Carla Du Pree
My son was older when he read my work. He was stunned. He had this idea of who I was, but he didn't know writer me. And I'll never forget, he walked into the room, and he said, "Mom, this is you?"
We're better parents when we set aside time for ourselves, like the metaphor of securing your own oxygen mask before you try to help somebody else. You can't help anybody if you are exhausted, if you're depleted, if you're not fulfilled, if you're resentful because these tiny humans are taking everything you have. We're better mothers when we step away and do what we need to do to make ourselves feel whole.
"We're better parents when we set aside time for ourselves, like the metaphor of securing your own oxygen mask before you try to help somebody else." — Rachel Berg Sherer
You're not alone. Wherever you are out there, wherever you are on your journey, you're not alone. There are other people going through the same thing, so reach out.
episode panelists
Rachel has worked in public relations and communications, everywhere from from Capitol Hill to an order of nuns, taught tenth-grade English, and coaching Speech. She is the founder of Midwest Writing and Editing and writes a regular Feminist Parenting column for Rebellious Magazine for Women. Her work been featured in Solstice Literary Magazine and Minnesota Parent magazine. Rachel and her family live in Minnesota.
Carla Du Pree is a fiction writer, a Maryland state arts ambassador, and the executive director of CityLit Project, a nonprofit that creates enthusiasm for literature. She's a recipient of fellowships from Hedgebrook, Rhode Island Writers Colony for Writers of Color, the Virginia Center for the Creative Arts, and Martha's Vineyard Institute of Creative Writing. She's won a Rubys Artist Grant and an MSAC Individual Artist Award for her fiction. Carla was awarded NASAA's 2020 inaugural Diversity, Equity and Inclusion Individual award, and she is the Maryland State Department of Education's Arts Leader for April 2020. Carla lives in Baltimore and is the mother of three twenty-something-year-olds and the grandma of a six-year-old grandson.
With Better Smarter Stronger, Caytie merges her purpose and passion into an organization that provides inspiration and education. Caytie lives in the Minneapolis area with her two sons and husband. Caytie also has two grown children and one new grandbaby. Her writing journey has been mostly for personal enjoyment, but she has also recently started writing more blog posts and marketing materials for her businesses.
Elizabeth Doerr is a freelance writer who helps justice and equity-focused professionals and brands tell their stories. She won a Maryland/Delaware/DC Press Association award for her 2015 Baltimore City Paper story about street harassment, "Stop Calling Me 'Baby." You can find her work in CityLab, Portland Monthly, and Baltimore City Paper among other publications. Elizabeth worked in higher education in the realm of experiential and social justice education for over a decade and she has frequently put her organizational and spreadsheet skills to work through event management. Elizabeth in Portland, OR, with her husband and son. www.elizabethdoerr.com
Melanie Conroy-Goldman
on January 7, 2021 March 13, 2021 By Lara Ehrlich
"Before I became a mother, I was writing about characters. When I became a mother, I was writing as characters. I didn't want to talk about things anymore. I wanted to be vivid and live inside of an electric experience."
(January 7, 2021) Melanie is the author of the novel The Likely World (Red Hen Press). A Professor of Creative Writing at Hobart and William Smith Colleges, she was a founding director of the Trias Residency for Writers. Her fiction has been published in Southern Review, StoryQuarterly, in anthologies from Morrow and St. Martin's and online at venues such as McSweeneys.net. She also volunteers at a maximum security men's prison with the Cornell Prison Education Program. She lives in Ithaca, New York with her husband, daughter and step-daughters. She describes writer-motherhood in three words as richly entangled identities.
Melanie Conroy-Goldman's Website
Melanie's Book: The Likely World
Trias Residency for Writers
Peter Ho Davies
My Struggle, Karl Ove Knausgård
A Visit from the Goon Squad, Jennifer Egan
The Odyssey, Homer
"You Should've Asked," a feminist comic about the mental load, by Emma
The Topeka School, Ben Lerner
One of the things that I write about is that entering sobriety is an incredibly demanding life phase, and trying to parent while trying to also do the work of staying sober is an extra barrier that I think hasn't often been written about, although some people have written about it incredibly beautifully. That act of balancing is both present in work for working mothers and for mothers who are struggling with various kinds of mental health issues, including addiction.
There's a central betrayal at the heart of any addict parent, and if you ever hear any person who's recovered from addiction talk about parenting, they'll always say that they couldn't parent in the way that it has to be. It has to be primary. There's no other way to parent, because the addiction is primary.
"Before I became a mother, I was writing about characters. When I became a mother, I was writing as characters. I didn't want to talk about things anymore. I wanted to be vivid and live inside of an electric experience." — @mscongo
As the parent of a young child, a baby, you live so much in the moment. You're embedded in experience.
"Motherhood turns you into a milk cow. Even if you're not breastfeeding, you're the provider of milk. There's no two ways about it." — @mscongo
There is a desperation to be yourself that emerges from being melded with another human.
I am no role model.
Every parent should have adequate childcare. There are probably lots of people who have kids under five who are barely writing, and there's nothing wrong with that. Anything else is extraordinary and superhuman. Anyone who's squeezing out a couple of words a week with a child under five is doing great.
"Anyone who's squeezing out a couple of words a week with a child under five is doing great." — @mscongo
There's still shame around not taking care of your kids full-time, not being a stay-at-home mom, and that's bananas.
I know there are many women who are novelists, and many novels that don't contend with children, but for women novelists, the assumption is that it's hard to be both a writer and a parent. It's not the subject. It's not the plot.
I'm a feminist. I'm a second-wave feminist, so I'm not even a cool feminist.
The absence of adult supervision in certain narratives by women acknowledges the importance of good caregiving in ways that the traditional male adventure narrative doesn't bother with. Someone else is taking care of that—a servant or wife or someone else. It's not part of the story.
I'm seeing a lot of books where it's central to the narrative that the man is sick of taking care of the kids, and then he takes off—and I'm worried that this is going to be like the First World male novel, and I'm not here for that. Like, I'm not here to feel sorry for the fact that you have to do 44% of the childcare.
"Mothers feel shame for things that weren't our fault. We feel shame for every way in which our children's lives aren't perfect. We carry more shame than we deserve." — @mscongo
I keep my children out of my work. They're tempting, because they're cool. I want to write about them. But I feel like that's one line I can't cross. I can't write about my children. It's complicated. It's different from how I feel about drawing on other life experiences.
With every one of my children's developmental phases, I got a little more time and brain space.
I used to compose on the page. I was always typing or writing longhand when I was composing. Now, I spend a lot more time in my head and playing around with scenes and even playing around with sentences and words. That's usually something I do before I go to bed. And if it gets really good, I get up, and I write it down.
Katie Gutierrez
on December 25, 2020 March 13, 2021 By Lara Ehrlich
My biggest fear around becoming a mother was that suddenly I would no longer be a writer.
(December 17, 2020) Katie Gutierrez lives in San Antonio, TX, with her husband and two young children, who are 2 and a half years old and three and a half months old. She has an MFA from Texas State University, and her writing has appeared in The Washington Post, Longreads, Catapult, and more. Her debut novel, More Than You'll Ever Know, will be published by William Morrow in 2022. She describes writer-motherhood in three words as never enough time.
Katie Gutierrez's Website
Katie's Book: More Than You'll Ever Know
Texas Highways Magazine (coming soon)
Alice Monro
When I got my book contract, any time I tried to sit down at my computer, my toddler would come in as a baby shark, or my newborn would be hungry. I ended up sitting in the dark breastfeeding, looking through the contract on my phone and signing it through DocuSign. You have this fantasy, as a writer, of what these moments will look like, and I never once envisioned it looking like that. But it also felt completely right for where I am in my life right now.
"A component of female desire is the desire to be known, to be seen, and to discover who we are in different environments and relationships." — @katie_gutz
The experiment for me is to look at a character who is acting in an ostensibly amoral way and portray her in a way that very quickly makes her actions understandable. That's part of the fun of writing for me. And that is when you're succeeding as a writer.
When I found out I was pregnant, I was overjoyed. But right along with that feeling of joy was this fear, this feeling of Oh, God, what did I do? What is this going to mean for my life? That all came up, and it was not as simple of an emotion as getting that phone call from the nurse. Because I still didn't really have an idea of how motherhood would fit into my life, and I didn't really have an idea of what kind of mother I would be.
"When I found out I was pregnant, I was overjoyed. But right along with that feeling of joy was this fear, this feeling of: Oh God, what did I do? What is this going to mean for my life?" — @katie_gutz
When we were on submission with my first novel and it didn't work out, I had this overwhelming sense of, Okay, I've got one more shot. I've got to finish this book before I have the baby, and we've got to go on submission and try to make this happen, because I don't know what it's going to be like afterwards. And I think that I was really wrong about that. I had internalized that being a mother is anathema to being a creative individual, to pursuing any kind of art.
"My biggest fear around becoming a mother was that suddenly I would no longer be a writer." — @katie_gutz
It's been a big surprise, how much being a mother has positively impacted what I do, even though actually getting to work, getting to write, is more complicated.
I spent those first few months not sleeping, because all I could do was imagine every single worst-case scenario that could happen to this completely helpless baby. Being a writer, your imagination is pretty vivid, and I felt like I had to follow each fantasy through to its conclusion. I was surprised at the depth of that anxiety, the depth of my fear around losing my child and how that fear never goes away; it just becomes folded into your daily life as a mother.
"When we become mothers, we don't stop being ourselves or having our own desires or experiencing the desire for adventure. It becomes a question of how to balance these deep emotions–or live with the imbalance." — @katie_gutz
The days when I've become the most frustrated, the angriest, and the worst version of myself—you know, the monster, to my kids and husband—are the days when I wake up with an urgent need and expectation that I'm going to sit down for at least an hour, and revise one chapter or write 500 words. When I set these concrete goals for myself, and then the day explodes and none of it happens, that's when I find myself extremely resentful of my kids, my husband, the fact that he doesn't have to have a baby at his boob every two hours.
I try to let go of control and tell myself I'm just going to touch the work at some point today. That's my only goal. I'm going to touch it at some point, if it's working on one sentence, so be it. If I get lucky and both kids nap at the same time, I get two hours. Those are the days when things go the smoothest for me, when I can appreciate being with the kids but also whatever time that I actually get to work. Those are the days when I don't set any expectation for myself, except that I'm going to touch the work and move it forward in some way.
I was thinking about practical strategies for moms with newborns, and for me, what works best is when I read books that seem to be in conversation with what I'm working on. That feels like I'm touching the work. It's also giving myself permission to daydream and to use those daydreams as also touching the work.
I'm taking this time with a newborn to be active about using my daydreams for the revision process. When I get the chance to sit down, even if it is for 15 minutes, I go straight to it, no procrastination.
In the past, there's been this conversation around writing as a very solitary, strictly scheduled or regimented existence. There's so much happening in the background in this patriarchal society and sexist culture that was not talked about. It's important to have these conversations about what it really takes to make a book happen.
The other day, I held up a book to my daughter and said, "Mommy's writing these books." And I could see her trying to put it together. It was a strangely emotional moment for me, having this small child who was starting to understand what I'm doing when I'm not being present with her.
When my daughter is old enough to read my books, I hope she'll feel proud, whether or not she likes the books. I think that'll be strange, because she'll be getting access to some parts of me that she obviously doesn't see as her mother. I hope it'll bring us closer.
I just texted a friend the other day—it was one of the bad days—and I said, "I feel like I'm failing on every front." I was snapping at my daughter and I was so resentful of this baby boy who just wouldn't sleep. Every time I sat down, I had to get back up. I felt like everything I was trying to do, everything I was trying to be, was a complete failure. Some days are just going to be like that.
You don't have to be sitting at your computer to be writing, but it's also okay to just not be writing. It's okay to do absolutely nothing that touches your work, because you're also a person apart from being a mother, and apart from being a writer, and you need to be able to occasionally take care of that person, as well. Let's become the monster, right?
Daria Polatin
on December 8, 2020 March 13, 2021 By Lara Ehrlich
There's only so much pie, you know?
(December 7, 2020) Daria Polatin is a playwright, TV writer-producer and author who is developing a TV limited series based on her novel DEVIL IN OHIO for Netflix. She was a Co-Executive Producer on CASTLE ROCK for Hulu, where her episode "The Laughing Place" was named one of Entertainment Weekly's Best TV Episodes of 2019. She has been a writer and producer on HUNTERS, JACK RYAN, CONDOR, HEELS and SHUT EYE. Daria received her MFA from Columbia University and is a founding member of THE KILROYS, the advocacy group for gender equality in the American Theatre. She has one son who is 11 weeks old and she describes writer-motherhood in 3 words as: stunning, shifting, softening.
FROM THE EPISODE: READING & VIEWING LIST & REFERENCES
Daria Polatin's Website
Daria's Book: Devil in Ohio
Daria's Play: Palmyra
Daria's Series:
Shut Eye
The Kilroys, Daria's advocacy group for gender equality in the American theater
Time is really punctuated when you have a baby. I used to have a certain sensibility of my time and what I could get done, and now the periods I have are much shorter. Having to code switch really is tricky. A few minutes of feeding can feel like hours, and the nap feels like one second. Time just has all these new nuances, even though it is a constant.
Writing outlines is tough. I know a lot of writers outline their projects in different mediums, and it's just not the most fun to do an outline, but it's the scaffolding for the cathedral that you're going to make.
Because of the amount I need to get done, I need to work quickly, and it's a good lesson in not second-guessing myself. I need to make decisions and move on, whereas, in the past, I may have read a piece over and over and over and improved it one more time. I don't have time to do that now. It's about trusting the process and my intuition, trusting that I've been doing this for many years. I don't want to say that I'm shortchanging the process, but I can move through the process much more quickly now. And I have to; otherwise, I couldn't keep up, or I would have to take on less, either as a writer or as a mother, and I don't want to do that. I want it all.
There's never going to be enough time for all of the things, and I just have to make peace with that. I'm always probably going to feel like I'm not doing enough in a certain area, whether it's this project or that project or with my son or with my husband. There are a lot of things that I'm going to have to be comfortable with. There's only so much pie, you know?
"There's never going to be enough time for all of the things, and I just have to make peace with that. There's only so much pie, you know?" — @DariaPolatin
Every minute of TV costs a lot of money, effort, and energy to make, so you have to be relentless in refining every moment on screen.
I really love when each episode of a show has an arc to it. The Crown does that really well. Each episode contains a theme, a question, and an answer.
Books are the most direct connection between author and reader. There's the least interference in that form of written material, a direct relationship with the consumer of the story.
"I now understand this very primal, Mama Bear, almost monster feeling of doing anything for your child. I have a new understanding, a visceral understanding, of what that is." — @DariaPolatin
I want to be a safe space for my son, and I want to be a grounded place that he can always come to for comfort in whatever form that would be.
I'm fearful of not having enough time for everything; most importantly, my son, because he's the most vulnerable of all of those elements.
I'm trying to stay grounded and teach through example. Taking care of the things I need to take care of is an important thing to do. If I just sacrificed my career and became a mother full-time, that's not serving me, and I wouldn't be happy, and that wouldn't be serving him.
You have to be very present to be able to assess the circumstances and get out of your own expectations of what your child might need. It's almost meditative, Zen-like, to step back and just look at situations with a clear, fresh perspective without projecting expectations onto your child.
Liz Harmer
on October 28, 2020 March 13, 2021 By Lara Ehrlich
I try to have an interesting and rich life where I am. I believe passionately that you can have an interesting, rich, not boring, settled, domestic life, just because you have a boring, settled, domestic life.
(October 28, 2020) Liz Harmer is a Canadian living in California. Her first novel, The Amateurs, a speculative novel of technological rapture, was released with Knopf/Vintage in 2019. Her stories, essays, and poems have been published in Lit Hub, Best Canadian Stories, and elsewhere, and her second novel, Strange Loops, is forthcoming with Knopf Canada in 2022. Her children are 13, 11, and 8, and here's how she describes motherhood in 3 words: "Challenge and Delight"
Liz Harmer's website
Liz's Books
The Amateurs (Penguin Random House, 2019)
Strange Loops (Knopf Canada, 2022)
Romeo and Juliet, Baz Luhrmann (1996)
A Lover's Discourse, Roland Barthes (1978)
Eros the Bittersweet, Anne Carson (Dalkey Archive Press, 1998)
The Four Loves, C.S. Lewis (Harvest Books, 1960)
"A Letter to a Young Writer," Richard Bausch
Elizabeth McCracken
Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed: Sixteen Writers on the Decision Not to Have Kids, Meghan Daum (Picador, 2015)
The Baby Book, Barry Sears (Little, Brown Spark, 1993)
SOUNDBITES
"I'm interested in my own desire, and women having desire feels like this taboo thing that we're confused about culturally." — @lizharmer
I try to say yes to things, I try to meet lots of people, I do things that scare me a lot. I probably work a lot of it out in my writing by letting my characters do the things I can't do myself or that I'm afraid to do.
"I try to have an interesting and rich life where I am. I believe passionately that you can have an interesting, rich, not boring, settled, domestic life, just because you have a boring, settled, domestic life." @lizharmer
I try not to be afraid to see myself in my writing. I don't think you can avoid yourself coming into your writing. But that doesn't mean that I'm writing about myself.
I did learn to not have precious writing time, but just to be writing all the time. Just a little bit every day adds up to a lot.
"I want to model for my daughters that you can have more things in life than a family. Family is important, and you love the people near to you, but also, you have to invest in yourself." — @lizharmer
The way I try to not feel guilty is to remind myself that it's important that my kids see me as a person. I think it's important for parents to not be the servants of their children. Kids need to learn to be on their own in the world, slowly, and it's important that they understand that we're also human beings who have needs and boundaries. Whenever I feel guilty, I think, "No, I'm teaching them good boundaries."
I don't want to be like, "Well, just claim your time," because it's not culturally possible to do that. I acknowledge that part of the reason I claim my time is because my husband doesn't give me a hard time about it. One piece of advice I got that was really helpful to me is that everything's easier after the youngest child is 5.
It was important to me to not get overwhelmed by my ambition. When you haven't written anything, a book looks really long. How are you gonna finish a book? I got into a routine that was useful to me, which was, "I'm just going to finish a story. And then I'm going to finish another story. And then maybe I'll edit those. And then I'll slowly get to a third story." As time passes, you end up with 15 or 20 stories. The habit perpetuates itself.
On the mornings I don't teach, I walk the dog without my smartphone. I just walk outside. I let that be a time of collecting my thoughts and letting my ideas stew.
I Skype with a good friend once a week, and we write. That is a really precious time. When somebody else is keeping you accountable, or also doing writing, you feel permission to do it.
"Here's a hot tip: apple slices, peanut butter, and cheese are perfectly nutritious. You don't have to make elaborate meals; you can just serve kids a pile of things." — @lizharmer
Blair Hurley
There's something dangerous about a girl who wants something for herself.
(October 22, 2020) Blair Hurley received her A.B. from Princeton University and her M.F.A. from NYU. Her stories are published or forthcoming in Ninth Letter, The Georgia Review, West Branch, Mid-American Review, Washington Square, Hayden's Ferry Review, Descant, Fugue, and elsewhere. She has received a 2018 Pushcart Prize and scholarships from Bread Loaf and the Kimmel Harding Nelson Center for the Arts. Her debut novel, The Devoted, was published in August 2018 from WW Norton & Company.
Blair Hurley's website
Blair's book
The Devoted (WW Norton, 2018)
Rabbit, Run, John Updike (Random House, 1960)
Snuffleupagus's identity shift on Sesame Street
A Tale for the Time Being, Ruth Ozeki (Penguin Books, 2013)
Motherhood is such a powerful identity in our culture, our literature, and our lives that it's nerve-racking to approach it yourself and to consciously make the decision to adopt this identity.
When I thought about motherhood as a young woman, I thought I should focus on my career and not really think too hard about parenthood. I somehow got the impression that it wasn't feminist to long to be a mother.
"One problem I have with the 'having it all' myth is the idea that you have to somehow add motherhood and career ONTO your life, when there should be a way for these roles to complement each other; to be PART of your life." — @bhurley
It's been so great to connect with other writer-moms and see what they went through and what they struggled with at different stages. Connecting with other mothers helps with the sense of being alone.
Before I had my baby, I thought, "It'll be hard until she reaches X milestone, and then I'll get my life back and I'll be myself again." It's not really that way at all. It's taken some adjusting to realize that my identity has changed forever. I'm living a different life now, and that's perfectly okay. Life is change, and change is not always bad. In this case, it's been an incredibly positive change. There are so many ways that I feel more access to joyful experiences.
Before I had my daughter, I thought I could write the same way I was writing before, but now I realize that my identity has changed. I'm going to be writing different things, I'm going to be concerned about different things, I'm going to be feeling different ways. And again, that's not a bad thing. In fact, it will probably enrich my writing in ways that I have yet to see.
I've tried to make a distinction between what we generally call sentimentality and what might just be sentiment. It's a useful distinction to make, because yes, there is a problem with excessive sentimentality in writing that instructs readers reader to feel tragic in a manipulative way, whereas sentiment is just strong feeling. I want my readers to experience strong feelings. I don't want to be afraid or ashamed of sentiment.
I think women writers, and maybe mother writers in particular, can be denigrated or looked down upon if they're willing to show emotion. There is a perception that if you write emotion from the perspective of motherhood, it's inherently sentimental. But realistic writing is about showing emotion, being willing to make a reader feel something.
Many male writers write about domestic spaces and it's seen as the height of intellectualism and experimentalism. I think about all the many Updike stories, for example, and somehow because it's from a male perspective, focusing on the male vantage point, it's seen as more serious, more legitimate than when women writers write about domesticity.
"Many male writers write about domestic spaces and it's seen as the height of intellectualism and experimentalism, more legitimate than when women writers write about domesticity." — @bhurley
Moral judgment would be passed on a character who is a mother who does something transgressive like leave a child, even temporarily, to just to get away, and who is not thinking about her child at all times. The stakes are so high for a female character who has a child.
I hope that my daughter will be proud of the work I do. I want her to see me working and to see writing as a major part of my life, something that's part of my identity.
"I love a woman writer who's willing to engage with a little bit of cruelty, a thin edge between tenderness and viciousness." — @bhurley
Motherhood is changing my writing about girlhood; particularly, I'm seeing how fiercely girls want to become—to grow and to become themselves. Even at my daughter's young age, I can see it in her desires and in the way she's trying to figure things out and how she gets excited when she's masters a new skill. It's a powerful desire to become, which I find deeply moving to witness, and I feel honored to witness.
When I'm writing characters, I want to try to capture that desire and that process of becoming. Everyone wants to become—and when girls are wanting to become, it's seen as a dangerous thing. There's something dangerous about a girl who wants something for herself, who wants to transform. I hope to write characters that have that ferocity of desire, and to engage with its danger and risk.
"There's something dangerous about a girl who wants something for herself." — @bhurley
Before I became a mother, I thought I would feel resentment, like I was a prisoner unable to work and I would feel horrible about it. But actually, it's more insidious than that, because I'm too busy feeling joyful with my baby. That's why the work is not getting done. I'm the jailer. I'm the one keeping myself from writing. I did not expect that at all. The happy aspects of parenting are actually the ones preventing me from being productive right now.
My husband and I have devised a system where we each have one day a week that we're the primary parent to give the other partner the chance to work.
It takes a concerted effort to find that quiet place I think is essential for good writing. If you're only trying to write in little bits while feeding the baby, I don't think you'll be able to arrive at bolder and deeper and darker ideas.
"It's important to have unfettered time, however you manage it, and to do your best to honor that time and only focus on writing." — @bhurley
It's tempting to feel that any time you take for yourself, you're taking it away from your child. That can be heartbreaking. I think a lot of women feel that, and it's so unfortunate because it's an illusion. It's so important for women to feel okay about valuing their work and valuing themselves. And ultimately, it's important for their children to see their mother valuing herself and valuing her work.
We need breathing spaces; we need to have private and quiet spaces for our own growth. I'm trying to remember that it's good for my child to allow her these spaces. Even in these few months, I've seen how it's usually the moment I take a little step back that she learns a new skill. A silly example: I kept trying to guide her hands and guide her hands to help her hold her sippy cup, and finally, I said, "You figure it out." And then she did.
Amy Shearn
So much of being creative is giving up control and letting in a little bit of wildness.
(October 15, 2020) Amy Shearn is the author of the novels Unseen City, The Mermaid of Brooklyn, and How Far Is the Ocean From Here. She is a senior editor at Forge and a fiction editor at Joyland, and her work has appeared in the New York Times, Slate, Literary Hub, and many other publications. Amy has an MFA from the University of Minnesota, and lives in Brooklyn with her two children.
Amy's website
Amy's books
Unseen City (Red Hen Press, 2020)
The Mermaid of Brooklyn (Touchstone, 2013)
How Far is the Ocean From Here (Crown, 2008)
Forge, Medium's publication on personal development
Amy's feature on stoicism: Forge, "What Happens When You Go Full Stoic"
Norma Jean the Termite Queen, Sheila Ballantyne (Doubleday & Company, 1975)
The Barter, Siobhan Adcock (Penguin Random House, 2014)
The Days of Abandonment, Elena Ferrante (Europa Editions, 2005)
Forty Rooms, Olga Grushin (Penguin Random House, 2016)
100 Essays I Don't Have Time to Write, Sarah Ruhl (Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2015)
Lenka Clayton's Artist Residency in Motherhood
The Resort: A workspace outside the home with virtual monthly memberships, craft talks, and accountability groups
The practice of giving up what you can't control is so useful in this time when there's so much that's crazy and stressful that I am not in control of, as powerful as I am.
I'm aware of how much my daughter is watching me, and I think about the kind of woman and mother I want her to be—or feel like she has to be. I would never want her to grow up and think, "Oh my God, I have to do everything perfectly."
"So much of being creative is giving up control and letting in a little bit of wildness." — @amyshearn
If you're going to have kids, sit down with your partner and have a real conversation. Tell them, "I am going to need this much time to work on my writing. When are we going to make that happen?"
Something I think is hard about writing as a mother is that your goal as a mother is to make things pleasant and take care of people—but in writing, it's much better if you're not trying to be pleasant. You're trying to be as honest and real as possible.
People think your main character is you, no matter what. It's insulting because there's a subtext of, "How could a woman really create something from scratch? Obviously, she's just writing about herself."
"There's amazing intimacy in the relationship between the writer and the reader who never meet each other. It's almost otherworldly." — @amyshearn
We're in a moment where historic numbers of women are dropping out of the workplace. The husband's career is being prioritized, and that's not a failing on the part of women; the system has failed.
"There's such dissonance in the way many of us live so disconnected from our mammal selves. I was working at an office, not seeing sunlight or breathing air—and also growing a person in my guts. That's bananas." — @amyshearn
Life is not interrupting the work; life is the work.


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Sides Heading to Lone Star State for Texas Two-Step
Inside Line Promotions - BARTLETT, Tenn. (March 1, 2022) - Jason Sides is bound for Texas this weekend to compete in the Texas Two-Step at Cotton Bowl Speedway.
The dirt oval in Paige hosts the World of Outlaws NOS Energy Drink Sprint Car Series on Friday and Saturday. It marks the first races for Sides in three weeks after last weekend's action rained out.
"You want to race, but when Mother Nature is around she usually wins this time of year," he said. "The last few years it seems like we've raced a little bit, got going and had to stop again. It honestly feels normal."
Sides has competed in four previous World of Outlaws main events at the track, earning career-best 14th-place finishes in 2018 and last year.
"We were there a couple of times and it got rained out," he said. "We went there last year and it seems like they've got the place a little racier. I'm looking forward to going somewhere we've been so you know what you are doing from the start. This kicks off our year before going to California. It's always good to get out there and see everybody. We've done decent there in the past, but it all depends on how the night starts out."
This weekend marks the start of a long road trip for Sides as the World of Outlaws ventures to the West Coast for three straight weeks in California before invading the Midwest.
SEASON STATS -
3 races, 0 wins, 0 top fives, 0 top 10s, 0 top 15s, 1 top 20
UP NEXT -
Friday and Saturday at Cotton Bowl Speedway in Paige, Texas, for the Texas Two-Step with the World of Outlaws NOS Energy Drink Sprint Car Series
MEDIA LINKS -
Website: http://www.SidesMotorsports.com
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/SidesMotorsport
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Sides-Motorsports/283833970847?ref=br_tf
SPONSOR SPOTLIGHT - VRP Shocks
VRP Shocks are designed to have the latest advancement in racing shock technology. The company is constantly developing, testing and advancing its shocks, which are consistent with the ability to rebuild and revalve. For more information, visit http://www.VRPShocks.com.
"I've used VRP Shocks for many years because they are the best on the market," he said. "We rely on VRP Shocks to give us consistency each and every night from track to track across the county on the World of Outlaws circuit."
Sides would also like to thank Wetherington Tractor Service, Inc., East Coast Logistics, BR Motorsports, Dancer Logistics, Inc., R.E. Enterprises, King Racing Products, Jim Schuhknecht, ShopRico.com, Phillips Tosco, North Baltimore Custom Cuts and Retail Meat, TORA TORA, Lomelino Sign Co., FSR Radiators, Mid-States Equipment, Wilwood, Brad, Driven Racing Oil, Ingles Racing Engines, Builtwiser Wings and All Pro Aluminum Cylinder Heads for their continued support.
INSIDE LINE PROMOTIONS -
Inside Line Promotions specializes in affordable public relations and media management for motor sports drivers, teams, sponsors, tracks, series, events, organizations and manufacturers. ILP Founder Shawn Miller leverages professional journalism with new media technologies and social networking to improve your exposure and the return on investment for your sponsors.
To meet the media relations needs of your program by joining Team ILP, contact Shawn at 541-510-3663 or Shawn@InsideLinePromotions.com . For more information on Inside Line Promotions, visit http://www.InsideLinePromotions.com.
*PHOTO BY PAUL ARCH*
Posted by Bill McIntyre at Tuesday, March 01, 2022


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Soon We Will Not Cry
Cynthia Fleming
Categorie: Taal
Uitgever: Rowman & Littlefield
The Liberation of Ruby Doris Smith Robinson
Druk: illustrated edition
Auteur(s): Cynthia Fleming
The success of the civil rights movement demanded extraordinary courage of ordinary people. During her short life, Ruby Doris Smith Robinson became one of the most important leaders in the black struggle for equality. By age 24, Robinson's intelligence, brashness, and bravery had elevated her to a top leadership role in the Student Non-Violent Coordinating Committee (SNCC). Cynthia Griggs Fleming's beautifully written biography of this incredible woman demonstrates that Robinson's activism wasn't limited to racial equality-she was an equally eloquent and powerful voice for women's rights. Fleming provides new insights into the success, failures, peculiar contradictions, and unique stresses of Robinson's life. This book will appeal to all readers interested in African American and women's history.
Droog trainen protocol vrouwen


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You'll find more Coupon 101 information here.
I'd suggest starting with one Drug Store and figuring that out 1st. Once you get comfortable with one, add the next one.
If you have questions while searching my site, feel free to leave comments. I'll try my best to answer them for you.


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Saint of Day
Chinese civilization
Главная » News » Square of the victims of NATO emerged in Montenegro
Square of the victims of NATO emerged in Montenegro
In one of the villages in Montenegro the "Square of the victims of NATO" was opened. In the village of Murino, where the April 30, 1999 during the bombardment by NATO forces several children were killed, the initiative group of citizens set a sign "Area of victims of NATO." The initiators of perpetuating the memory of the victims of the barbaric raid are the Democratic People's Party and a group of residents of Murino.
The car blew up near the hospital in Syria
BREAKING Dr. Abuzaid Dorda FREE, After 8 years Illegal Imprisonment
Libyan people know who the traitor is!
War criminal Belhadj wanted
Tunisian court sentenced terrorists for attacking the Bardo Museum in 2015
Libyan army installs unmanned zone in southern Libya
Russia is on the side of the Libyan people!
Libyans suppressed an attempt to smuggle to Europe artifacts of antiquity
Tusk "Sent to Hell" all Brexit supporters
Turkish Smuggling Stopped at Libyan Port
Multipolarity
Global War on Humanity: America's Unceasing Pursuit of...
The history of the last hundred years is misleading because it presents Britain and the United States as allies, but in fact, they were never allies...
Juan Guaidó loses legitimacy
Certain constitutional experts believe that the President of the Bolivarian Republic of Venezuela, Nicolás Maduro, secured his re-election through a...
KATEHON.COM
The nonsensical statement below from the Pentagon announcing that the US government has committed an act of war against Iran should frighten everyone...


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Photo credit: CTV
Christine Estima - Dec 13
Ryan Reynolds and Camila Cabello are the comedy duo we didn't know we needed
"Everybody knows cats are banned in Vancouver!"
Are double-acts still a thing? There was George and Gracie. Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye. Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire. Heck, even Conan and Andy make for a swell team. But what if—and just hear us out on this—what if Ryan Reynolds and Camila Cabello were a duo? Their comedic chemistry Thursday night on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon was so fire, it could've cracked a Bunsen burner. Maybe it's because Camila is already dating a Canadian ('sup Shawn) that she's able to so naturally bounce off Ryan's Canadian sense of humour. Or maybe they just need to totally rethink their careers and become a travelling comedy act.
Jimmy Fallon sat the two of them down to play "True Confessions," where they had to confess to things that may or may have happened, leaving it up to the others to deduce their sincerity. Ryan was up first with quite the tall tale of his mother washing her hands with a urinal cake. First of all, ew.
Explaining that it happened in a port-o-potty at a funeral, he seemingly cracked under scrutiny from Camila, blurting, "All right it was me! Not my mom!" Nice deflection, Vancity boy, but keep talking.
When Ryan admitted it happened just outside of Vancouver, Jimmy retorted, "Anything happens in Canada." It's true, we're a wild and crazy bunch. When the moment of truth arrived, and this wacky anecdote turned out to be factual, Camila admitted that she would have probably made the same mistake with the urinal cake. "Also what kind of A-hole calls it a 'cake?'" Ryan quipped. Bah dum bum CHING. And now Ryan and Camila will perform a tap dance.
When it was Camila under the hot interrogation lights, and she told a whopper of a story where she seemingly lost one of Taylor Swift's cats, Meredith, whilst on tour in Vancouver. Hey, stop blaming our fine and fair west-coast haven! At the mere mention of his hometown, Ryan was having none of it. "This is already reeking like a whole lotta bull… Everybody knows that cats are banned in Vancouver."
"That's. Not. True!" she clapped back. Oh, you know you messed up when Camila starts to get fired up. When questioned about the name of the security guard who eventually located the missing kitty, Ryan deadpanned "She's one question away from flipping the table."
The faux feud lived on behind the scenes (Ryan's specialty) with Camila posting her own ode to this cropped photo he shared for wife Blake Lively's birthday in 2017. We must say, we're impressed at the reference. Brava, Camila.
nice to see you @vancityreynolds !!!
A post shared by camila (@camila_cabello) on Dec 12, 2019 at 4:33pm PST
Watch The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon weeknights at 11:35 p.m. ET on CTV2.
Tags: Camila Cabello etalk headlines ICYMI jimmy fallon late night ryan reynolds shawn mendes the tonight show


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