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Motorized backcountry Travel Restrictions "REMAIN IN PLACE"
Dave LeeMay 18, 20180 commentsUncategorized
FIRE BULLETIN #3
Manitoba Sustainable Development advises that recent rains and an improved weather forecast has allowed some burning restrictions to be lifted in southeast Manitoba, while some other restrictions still remain due to the high risk of fires.
For the eastern region, from PR 302 to the Ontario border and from the Trans-Canada Highway south to the U.S. border the daytime campfire restrictions have been lifted. Motorized backcountry travel restrictions remain in place.
In addition, backcountry travel restrictions have been added to the Porcupine Provincial Forest as well as the area bordered by Lake Winnipeg and Poplar River, east to the Ontario border and south to the Wanipigow River.
Campfire restrictions have been lifted in the south Whiteshell Provincial Park campgrounds (Caddy Lake, Falcon Beach, Falcon Lake-Lakeshore, Falcon Lake-Toniata Beach and West Hawk). Campfires in north Whiteshell Provincial Park campgrounds (Brereton Lake, Dorothy Lake, Nutimik Lake, Opapiskaw, Otter Falls and White Lake) are still restricted to burning between 8 p.m. and 8 a.m. Be sure to check with the local campground office for the latest information.
All other travel and fire restrictions remain in place. A list of parks with campfire restrictions can be found at www.manitobaparks.com. Visitors to provincial parks should check with park staff for the most up-to-date information.
A map of the areas affected and a detailed description of the provincial fire and travel restrictions can be found at www.gov.mb.ca/sd/fire/Restrictions/index.html. Local municipalities may also implement burning bans or fire restrictions. Check with local municipal offices or visit www.gov.mb.ca/wildfire/burn_conditions.html for more information.
For further general information on fire status, maps, burning permit cancellations or other restrictions go to www.gov.mb.ca/wildfire or follow the Twitter account at www.twitter.com/mbgovnews.
For additional information on these restrictions, contact the nearest Manitoba Sustainable Development office. To report a wildfire, call 911 or the toll-free T.I.P. line at 1-800-782-0076.
**TRAVEL RESTRICTIONS IN PLACE SOUTHEAST**
Manitoba Sustainable Development advises that a number of travel restrictions have been put into place and burning permits remain cancelled for the eastern and central regions of Manitoba due to dry, windy conditions and the high risk of fires.
Travel restrictions are in place for much of southeast Manitoba, from Lake Winnipeg and the Wanipigow River south to the U.S. border, and from PR 302, PTH 12, PR 317, PTH 59 and PR 319 all the way to the Ontario border. Restrictions are also in place in the Mars Hill Wildlife Management Area. Back-country travel in these areas is only allowed between 8 p.m. and 8 a.m. Any essential required travel outside of these hours will require a permit until further notice. Burning permits are cancelled, but campfires in approved firepits are allowed, and propane or electric grills can be used for cooking.
Local municipalities may also implement burning bans or fire restrictions. Check with local municipal offices or visit www.gov.mb.ca/wildfire/burn_conditions.html for more information.
For further general information on the fire status, maps, restrictions, burning permit cancellations or other restrictions go to www.gov.mb.ca/wildfire or follow the Twitter account at www.twitter.com/mbgovnews.
For additional information on these restrictions, contact the nearest Manitoba Sustainable Development office. To report a wildfire, call 911 or the T.I.P. line (toll-free) at 1-800-782-0076.
Public information, contact Manitoba Government Inquiry: 1-866-626-4862 or 204-945-3744.
Media requests for general information, contact Communications Services Manitoba: 204-945-3765.
Media requests for ministerial comment, contact Communications and Stakeholder Relations: 204-945-4916.
Dave LeeApril 21, 20180 commentsNational ATV News, Uncategorized
Join fellow riders on June 9 in the Sandiland Provincial Forest
by Jeff Johnson |Riders West
Members of the Eastman ATV Association at the 2017 Ride for Mom.— Deborah Nicol photo
For the past two years, the Eastman ATV Association has raised funds for Cancer Care Manitoba through its Ride for Mom event.
Association president David Lee is hoping the event has another successful year on June 9, beginning at the Eastman ATV staging area in the Sandiland Provincial Forest.
"It is our third year, and we are changing the format a little bit this year," Lee said. "We are trying to streamline it for the ridership and also make it a little easier on our volunteers."
Lee praised the efforts of the event's founder, Deborah Nicol, who led the charge for the ORV event's first two years, raising over $20,000 in the process.
"She was inspired by the Ride for Dad event for prostate cancer research for males and asked, 'Why isn't there a Ride for Mom?' She did a fantastic job of bringing this event into creation and reality," Lee said. "This year, she is taking a break. It's a lot of work and a lot of responsibility with time constraints. She stepped back, so the club as a group decided to keep the event going in her honour."
Lee, along with other organizers with the Eastman ATV Association, felt it was important to carry on Nicol's legacy and keep the project going.
"She was personally affected by this, and it's very close to her heart to see this event go on," Lee said. "Not just her . . . people actually attend this ride for many reasons. A lot of people have family that have been affected by this disease. They may have been personally affected. It gives them a platform to raise money for the cause."
A ride for the entire family
Lee said all money raised from this event will stay in Manitoba. He adds that everyone who takes part in the event is in for a great ride.
"You'll be taken on a 89-kilometre (55-mile) ride on marked trails, and on this trail, there will be different types of terrain like gravel, forest trail to a little bit of road and you may have a little bit of water, depending on the type of year we get," Lee said. "We do have a gravel space area that you can transfer a bit of water safely without having an impact on the environment."
He said Ride for Mom is open to all ages and gives the entire family an opportunity to support the cause.
"It's a family-oriented ride, nothing too aggressive. This is a trail ride, so we really encourage the family to come out," Lee said. "Cancer Care Manitoba does a great job of supporting all of our community. It's bigger than all of us and if we can do a small part to ease the pain and suffering of our fellow Manitobans and have some fun when doing it, it's a great day for everybody all around."
More importantly, Lee feels it gives people an opportunity to fight back in their own way.
"Cancer affects all of us, but what it does is it gets people talking about this disease, gets people out in the open and talking with each other," Lee said. "If we can make it a little easier for them to get through this struggle and an opportunity to talk to other people with the same type of disease, we've accomplished our goal."
Around 800 riders took part in last year's event, so participants are encouraged to visit http://atvrideformom.com/ to preregister. From there, riders can start collecting pledges to support Cancer Care Manitoba until June 9.
MAINTAINING PROVINCIAL LAND
While the Eastman ATV Association is thrilled to support Cancer Care Manitoba, president David Lee said they also want to keep the trails in one piece.
"We do take a trail fee for this. We want to leave the trail in the same condition it was before we started this event," Lee said. "A portion of our registration fee goes toward maintenance of our trail."
Lee believes that ORV riders have a responsibility to manage their riding areas.
"I think sustainability is a key thing right now," Lee said. "Unmanaged riding can leave a pretty dramatic footprint on our environment, and as traffic increases, so does the destruction on our environment."
Lee said this event showcases that belief.
"When we arrive that day on the trail, we make sure the trail looks the same way after our event. We've actually gone in and repaired trail," Lee said. "Every year, we build up our trail to a higher standard and it can maintain the traffic more efficiently."
ATVMB New Board of Directors
Dave LeeMarch 21, 20180 commentsUncategorized
Posted on: Tuesday March 20, 2018 – 12:13 pm CDT
(ATVMB)
ATV Manitoba held their first Club Summit on Saturday, March 17th, in conjunction with the 2018 Annual General Meeting. The summit was a relaxed event providing ATVMB Club executives with the opportunity to network with the ATVMB Board of Directors and hear from Oksana Buhel of the Canadian Off Highway Vehicle Distributors Council (COHV), who gave a presentation on Club/Federation relationships and how we are connected to the bigger national picture through the All Terrain Quad Council of Canada (AQCC) and COHV.
The Annual General Meeting followed the Summit in the afternoon when members heard from Blair McTavish of the Department of Sustainable Development; Chris Ewen, Mayor of Ritchot; Yvonne Rideout, Executive Director of Snoman; and Bob Lagasse, MLA for Dawson Trail.
Members also participated in the annual election of officers and we are happy to report that we now have a Board of 11 directors who are all eager to serve as the leaders of the ATV community in Manitoba. Thanks to all directors for volunteering their time and expertise to assist ATVMB in building the ATV trail network in Manitoba and encouraging safe responsible riding on our trails.
We would also like to extend thanks to departing board members Calvin Egg, Chris Frazao and Natalie Sever for volunteering their time to serve on the ATVMB Board of Directors. We wish each of them continued success in the future.
Please join us in congratulating the new ATVMB Board of Directors:
Armando Brambilla, Eastman ATV Association
Tim Chartier, Belair ATV Club
Greg Gowryluk, Eastman ATV Association
Gary Greenaway, Eastman ATV Association
Gary Hora, Woodridge Sandhogs ATV Club
Peter Konoplenko, Belair ATV Club
Fred Lake, Nopiming 4 Lakes 4 Wheelers
Jim Nicol, Eastman ATV Association
Hartley Pokrant, Belair ATV Club
Rollie Riel, Belair ATV Club
Brian Rychlicki, Belair ATV Club
John Meed, Ex-Officio director – Saskatchewan ATV Assoc.
The All Terrain Vehicle Association of Manitoba Annual Report to Members March 2018
The All Terrain Vehicle Association of Manitoba Annual Report to Members
The past year has been another busy and successful year for ATV Manitoba with much work being accomplished both in the Board Room and outside on the trails.
COHV Canada 150 Grant Program
In honour of Canada's 150th birthday, the Canadian Off-Highway Vehicle Distributors Council announced the Canada 150 Grant Program, which was made available to Federations for trail work in 2017. The ATVMB Board decided to offer this grant program to our clubs and four clubs submitted applications for trail projects. ATVMB then combined those applications into one provincial application, which was accepted by COHV and the work began.
Belair ATV Club:
The Belair ATV Club submitted an application for a bridge washout repair on the new Whistle Pig Trail. This was a major project with work being done to repair and shore up a trestle bridge along this decommissioned rail bed. In addition to the repairs required to make this trail safe, signage was also added and the trail is now ready for anyone who is looking for a great destination ride. The trail runs from Hwy 59, just north of Gull Lake, to Pine Falls Manitoba. For more info on trails in the Belair area visit the club website, www.belairatvclub.ca/
Eastman ATV Association:
The Eastman ATV Association applied for funding through the COHV Canada 150 Grant program to facilitate a trail expansion project on their Eastman ATV Trail – Trail with a View, Celebration 150. The expansion added an addition 17.5 km's to the existing trail for a total of 73.5 km's of trail. The trail now runs from the Eastman staging area, running along the famous Dawson Trail, then loops southwest to hook up with the original Eastman Trail. For more information please visit their website, https://eastmanatv.com/the-trail
South Interlake ATV Club:
The South Interlake ATV Club was granted funding through the COHV Grant program to update Interlake Pioneer Trail kiosk signage with their new club logo and website information. The IPT is a multi-use trail shared by ATVers, snowmobilers, hikers, mountain bikers, geocachers and horseback riders and has been managed by SIATV since 2009. The additions to kiosk signage will provide trail users with up- to-date information about the South Interlake ATV Club, the Interlake Pioneer Trail and will provide users with a contact to convey feedback or notification of any issues encountered on the trail. For more information on SIATV and the Interlake Pioneer Trail please visit their website, http://www.siatvclub.com/
Woodridge Sandhogs:
With the help of funding through the COHV Canada 150 grant program, the Sandhogs were able to reroute their trail to run through the forest, rather than along a transmission line. The trail required reclamation after a devastating winter storm in 2012 and the project resulted in 13 km's of trail being added to their existing trail, for a total of 85 km's of trail in the area. For for information please visit their website, http://woodridgesandhogs.ca/category/trails/ .
Rock road ATV Club
The Rock Road ATV Club, formerly known as the Portage Off Road Vehicle Club, went through the process of changing their name this year to better reflect their membership. RRAC continues to maintain their ATV riding park near Portage la Prairie, offering members the opportunity to come together and enjoy safe, responsible outings with family and friends. Visit their Facebook page to connect, https://www.facebook.com/groups/256315857824507/about/.
Trail Development:
ATVMB is happy to report that our Manitoba ATV trail network is growing! Over the past year, the Belair ATV Club successfully negotiated an agreement with the RM of Alexander to manage a recently acquired decommissioned rail bed from Pine Falls to Gull Lake as a 30 km multi-use motorized recreational trail. The former rail bed was acquired when the Central Manitoba Railway company (CEMR) no longer required it to service the recently closed Pine Falls paper mill. The wooden ties and steel rails were removed, but fortunately the five large wooden trestle bridges were left intact. Through club fundraising efforts and grant funding from the RM and the Canadian Off Highway Vehicle Distributors Council (COHV), the club undertook several major projects to repair a bridge approach washout and also install hundreds of feet of safety railings on all the trestle bridges. In addition, the entire length of the trail was signed to ATVMB standards and is now open for use. The rail trail has been christened the "Whistle Pig" trail. During the upcoming fiscal year, the Belair ATV Club will negotiate with the RM of St. Clements to acquire multi-use motorized trail status for an additional 75 km's from Gull Lake all the way to East Selkirk.
Over the past two years the Belair ATV Club and ATVMB have been planning and negotiating with the Province of Manitoba for the right to maintain and sign 120 km's of trail within the Belair Forest, which will provide connectivity to the Whistle Pig Rail Trail and also connect trail access to communities within the East Beaches catchment area. These trails feature outstanding forest vista's and a
sandy trail base, which provides for excellent trail durability. Negotiations have now been completed with the Province resulting in ATVMB and the Belair ATV Club receiving conditional approval to sign and maintain the trails, which will now be part of the ATVMB managed trail system in Manitoba. It is anticipated that these trails will receive final approval this spring with signing and trail improvements to occur over the summer of 2018.
The promotion of safe riding is part of the ATVMB mandate and over the past two years ATVMB has been working with Manitoba Public Insurance on safety promotion. MPI generously donated the time and expertise to develop the artwork for a safety poster and handle bar hangers that will be displayed in power sport dealerships.
The ATVMB Safety Committee has been actively pursuing partners to work with us on delivery of a recreational ATV safety training program with the hope that we will be able to offer the Canadian ATV Safety Institute (CASI) training program to our members in the future. CASI is the program endorsed by both AQCC and COHV and is offered in many provinces across Canada. While ATV safety programs do exist in Manitoba, such as the one offered by Safety Services Manitoba, uptake by the general public has been extremely low. Ultimately, we would like to be able to offer the CASI program as the ATV safety program of choice. The Federations that have had the most success with the CASI program are those that have legislated ATV safety training as mandatory for certain age groups. ATVMB believes that it is all about educating riders regarding the need for training, particularly for young riders. It is a bit of an uphill climb, but we will continue to focus on promotion of safe riding.
Membership is growing at the Club level with an increase in membership numbers over last year and in addition, we are happy to report that a new club has formed called the Nopiming 4 Lakes 4 Wheelers. Please join the Board in welcoming our newest ATVMB Club! We look forward to getting to know the members in the months to come.
In an effort to increase membership, ATVMB in cooperation with a number of member clubs, developed a "Free One Year Membership" program in partnership with the Mid-Canada Marine and Powersports Dealer Association dealer members. This is an "opt-in" program that clubs can participate in if they want to grow their member numbers. Anyone purchasing a new ATV or side-by-side will have the opportunity to join a participating club at no cost for a period of one year.
Member Benefits:
The benefits of being a member of a club and ATVMB are not always clear. There is the obvious benefit of belonging to a club where you are able to interact and socialize with like-minded peers and then there are benefits that have a direct financial impact, like discounted insurance coverage through the Oasis "Got Toys" Program, http://www.insuretoys.ca/.
One of the biggest benefits of ATVMB membership is the club insurance coverage. All ATVMB clubs are covered by Commercial General Liability and Directors' and Officers' Insurance. The CGL policy covers the trail and protects the club in the event that they are sued by someone using the trail, or during an organized ride or social event. The Directors' and Officers' Insurance protects the personal assets of board members in the event that the organization is sued for any wrongful act or mis-statement during the course of day-to-day activities. Both of these policies are critical to the success of an organization and both are offered to ATVMB clubs at a significant discount.
Then there is advocacy, this activity very often goes unnoticed by the average member, however, it is a critical component to the success of a club and important to individual members. ATVMB is your voice when dealing with Government. It is through the advocacy efforts of ATVMB that we have been able to successfully designate ATV trails on Crown land. ATVMB is advocating for sustainable funding, which when received will benefit all ATVMB clubs.
ATVMB also responds to the threat of trail closures and works with various levels of Government to mitigate the impact of potential trail closures.
ATVMB Clubs also benefit when grant funding becomes available. Whether it is through the National Trails Coalition as was the case in 2014, or through the COHV Canada 150 Grant program in 2017, membership has benefits! Our trail development would not be what it is today if not for the opportunity to apply for funding through various avenues.
ATVMB once again participated in a number of public relations activities. These events provide an opportunity to connect with the public, government and riders for the purpose of promoting responsible recreational riding in our province. Over the past year ATVMB has participated in the following PR events: In April 2017 we attended the MTCML Trade Show in conjunction with the Association of Manitoba Municipalities Municipal Officers Seminar. This event provides us with the opportunity to network with Municipal Officers from across the
In October 2017ATVMB participated in the MMPDA Powersports Show held at the Red River Exhibition
February 2018 ATVMB had a presence at the Manitoba Outdoor This was the second year for this show, which saw a marked increase in attendance over last year.
The MMPDA has been invited ATVMB to participate in the 2018 RV show which will be held March 8 – ATVMB will be present on the weekend in the "What To Do When you Get There" section of the show. Should be fun!
Thanks to all of our volunteers for participating in these various events. We would be lost without you!
National Representation:
The All Terrain Quad Council of Canada held their conference and Annual General Meeting in Winnipeg in September 2017. ATVMB President Armando Brambilla was in attendance and Executive Director, Kim Wozniak was part of the planning committee for the event which included a panel discussion on Thursday evening involving ATVMB members and Federation representatives from across the country; the conference and AGM followed on Friday; and the event wound up with an ATV ride on the Little Big Foot Trail in Woodridge. Kim Wozniak is now the AQCC Second Vice-President and continues to keep the ATVMB Board updated on national activities.
AGM 2018:
The ATVMB Board of Directors look forward to meeting with members at the 2018 AGM on March 17th, beginning at 1 p.m. at the Transcanada Centre in Iles des Chenes, Manitoba.
ATV Ride for Mom 2018
Dave LeeFebruary 20, 20180 commentsUncategorized
June 9th, Date Set For the 2018 ATV Ride For Mom
Yes! Eastman ATV is Proud to announce it will be holding the 3rd annual ATV Ride For Mom in support of CancerCare Manitoba.
Get to know a new trail 80 km in the beautiful Sandilands area, Eastman ATV members and a great bunch of Outdoor Enthusiasts! Eastman's trail is proudly introduced, signed and maintained by Eastman ATV members. The 80 kilometer trail is the first of its kind built on Crown Land, in the beautiful Richer/Sandilands area and is sure to impress! Come join in a family oriented event. In addition to the Ride, the event includes:
Awesome Dog – 8″ All Beef wiener on 7″ Kub hot dog bun
Name in Door Prize Draw
Access to 50/50 Draw
For the 2018 Ride, the event fees will not include Breakfast. To accommodate riders who desire breakfast a Breakfast Truck will be on site.
By supporting our ride with a donation, you are helping to support CancerCare Manitoba in its work to change lives and change the course of cancer in our province. Every donation – no matter the size – is critical as we work together to stay ahead of this disease. Thank you for your consideration
Ride for Mom raises over $12,000 for CancerCare Manitoba
Dave LeeJanuary 14, 20180 commentsUncategorized
In June of 2017, 800 riders descended on the only trail in Manitoba on Crown land that is signed and maintained
by Karen Kornelsen |
Deborah Nicol's special pink ATV.— Deborah Nicol photo
CancerCare Manitoba is working to change lives by raising funds for patient care, support and research. Deborah Nicol, former president of the Eastman ATV Association, knows first hand how important this is as a breast cancer survivor herself.
Nicol brought the idea of doing a Ride for Mom on ATVs to the Eastman ATV Association board, they loved the idea, and work began for the first annual ride in 2016. It was so successful, they decided to do it again. The 2nd Annual Ride for Mom, sponsored by Adventure Power Products, took place on June 3, 2017, and was a massive and overwhelming success with 800 participants and over $12,000 raised for CancerCare Manitoba.
Deborah Nicol (far left) with friends at the 2017 Ride for Mom.
Nicol is a breast cancer survivor and came up with the idea to do the Ride for Mom.
— Deborah Nicol photo
"For me, being a breast cancer survivor, the Ride for Mom meant a lot because it gave me an opportunity to deal with my own cancer as well as to give back to the great support and care I got," she said. "Everyone was so gung-ho about it, it kind of went from there. We had an amazing, successful first year and decided to do it again."
In 2016, for the first ride, the club was nearing completion of its new trail in Sandilands Provincial Forest, about an hour from Winnipeg. The club spent six years building the first-ever trail on Crown land that's signed and maintained. It stretches nearly 90 kilometres. The club, along with the All Terrain Vehicle Association of Manitoba, opened the trail, and then the next day, held the first Ride for Mom. Fast forward to this year, the trail is now in season two and the response for this year's Ride for Mom was even more overwhelming than the last.
Members of the Eastman ATV Association at the 2017 Ride for Mom.
"We actually had to put a cap on the number of riders because the trail is in the Sandilands Provincial Forest," said Nicol. "The trail can only handle so many ATVs since it takes a huge toll on the trails. We also made it a ride, not a derby, since we really wanted this to be a family event and encourage women and children to come out and ride."
On June 4, 2017, the ride started at the staging site for the trail at the end of Dawson Road, right at the beginning of the Sandilands Forest, east of Richer, Manitoba. The Ride for Mom involved doing an approximately 80-kilometre loop with a halfway point where "Awesome Dog" served enough hotdogs for 800 people. Extreme Medic also volunteered its time and had an ambulance on site.
The ride involved an incredible amount of community involvement, donations and volunteers. For instance, Maple Leaf donated 1,500 sausages for the pancake breakfast; Original Pancake House donated the pancake batter; tables, chairs and tents were donated at a reduced rate from Tentations; and McDonalds donated all the coffee. Ride for Mom also involved over $12,000 in silent auction prizes and a door prize of a GPS donated by Cabela's.
There were over 60 volunteers including many Eastman club members and their families who helped in every way they could, in all aspects of the event. Most importantly, the trail needed a lot of work and club members gave up their weekends and holidays to do it.
Participants of the Ride for Mom stop for a photo.
"We are debating whether we can do a Ride for Mom next year as it's a ton of work and really hard on our trails," said Nicol. "We had to get some heavy equipment in because you don't think a corner is going to take much of a beating but when you have 800 people going around a corner, it becomes a wall. It's a huge commitment by our trail committee members who give up their holidays to do the work. We're having a meeting next week to decide what to do next year. The response is overwhelming from people who want it to happen again but it's just such a huge commitment."
Stay tuned and keep checking the Eastman ATV Association website to find out if the event will go on for a third year.
"Ride for Mom really supports an amazing cause," said Nicol. "CancerCare Manitoba was amazing to work with—they were right beside us through the whole thing. They came out and were an amazing crew to work with. We are so thankful we could support them and we are humbled by all the support from the Eastman club, from member, their families, members of CancerCare, the volunteers, our sponsors—it's very humbling to have them give so much of their products and time and support."
Our Trail is "Closed" Eastman ATV, November, 15th
Dave LeeNovember 12, 20170 commentsUncategorized
Winter is upon us and the riding season has come to a close for most of us.
The Eastman ATV trail system shares a portion of the trail with the snowmobile club, this portion of the trail will be closed to ATV traffic as of November, 15th. With the early snow this year we ask that you respect the closer and give the snowmobile club a great riding season. Please respect the shared portion of the trail system.
We don't patrol or maintain the trail in the winter months, therefore we have no trail conditions available for the rest of our trail system.
You may travel the rest of the Eastman ATV trail system as you wise as there is no legislation stopping you from accessing the provincial forest any time of the year we just ask that you respect the snowmobile trail system as an ATV can damage the trail and raise safety concerns for the snowmobile-ers. So in closing this seasonal closer is a policy rather then legislation. You could say it is a gentlemen's agreement. With respect to other trail users.
Ride safe see you in the spring
Thank You to All the Volunteers
Dave LeeAugust 14, 20170 commentsUncategorized
We would like to thank all the volunteers that spend their free time this past weekend work on the Eastman trail system.
We have expanded our trail system and we have build up one section of trail and have cleared another part of the expansion of our trail system. We had three crews working. one cleaning and cutting fallen trees along the trail system.
Our second crew was building up the new section of the trail and repair section of the exciting trail system
The third crew was cleaning culverts and remove material from the drainage system along the trail.


Heroku is a cloud platform as a service (PaaS) supporting several programming languages. Heroku, one of the first cloud platforms, has been in development since June 2007, when it supported only the Ruby programming language, but now supports Java, Node.js, Scala, Clojure, Python, PHP, and Go. For this reason, Heroku is said to be a polyglot platform as it has features for a developer to build, run and scale applications in a similar manner across most languages. Heroku was acquired by Salesforce.com in 2010 for $212 million.
Heroku was initially developed by James Lindenbaum, Adam Wiggins, and Orion Henry for supporting projects that were compatible with the Ruby programming platform known as Rack. The prototype development took around six months. Later on, Heroku faced drawbacks because of lack of proper market customers as many app developers used their own tools and environment. In Jan 2009 a new platform was launched which was built almost from scratch after a three-month effort. In October 2009, Byron Sebastian joined Heroku as CEO. On December 8, 2010, Salesforce.com acquired Heroku as a wholly owned subsidiary of Salesforce.com. On July 12, 2011, Yukihiro "Matz" Matsumoto, the chief designer of the Ruby programming language, joined the company as Chief Architect, Ruby. That same month, Heroku added support for Node.js and Clojure. On September 15, 2011, Heroku and Facebook introduced Heroku for Facebook. At present Heroku supports Redis databases in addition to its standard PostgreSQL.
The name "Heroku" is a portmanteau of "heroic" and "haiku". The Japanese theme is a nod to Matz for creating Ruby. The name itself is pronounced similarly to "widening" in Japanese, though the creators of Heroku did not want the name of their project to have a particular meaning, in Japanese or any other language, and so chose to invent a name.
Applications that are run on Heroku typically have a unique domain (typically "applicationname.herokuapp.com") used to route HTTP requests to the correct dyno. Each of the application containers, or dynos, are spread across a "dyno grid" which consists of several servers. Heroku's Git server handles application repository pushes from permitted users.
All Heroku services are hosted on Amazon's EC2 cloud-computing platform.
The main content of the development are the source code, related dependencies if they exist, and a Procfile for the command.
The application is sent to Heroku using either of the following: Git, GitHub, Dropbox, or via an API.
There are packets which take the application along with all the dependencies, and the language runtime, and produce slugs. These are known as build-packs and are the means for the slug compilation process.
A slug is a combination/bundle of the source code, built dependencies, the runtime, and compiled/generated output of the build system which is ready for execution.
Next is the Config vars which contain the customizable configuration data that can be changed independently of the source code.
A release is a combination of a slug (the application), config vars and add-ons.
Heroku maintains a log known as the append-only ledger of releases the developer makes.
The main unit which provides the run environment are the Dynos which are isolated, virtualized unix containers.
The application's dyno formation is the total number of currently-executing dynos, divided between the various process types the developer has scaled.
One-off Dynos are temporary dynos that run with their input/output attached to the local terminal. They're loaded with the latest release.
Each dyno gets its own ephemeral filesystem with a fresh copy of the most recent release. It can be used as temporary scratchpad, but changes to the filesystem are not reflected to other dynos.
Logplex automatically collates log entries from all the running dynos of the app, as well as other components such as the routers, providing a single source of activity.
The definition of the application i.e. the source code and the description is built on the framework provided by Heroku which converts it into an application. The dependency mechanisms vary across languages: for Ruby the developer uses a Gemfile, in Python a requirements.txt, in Node.js a package.json, in Java a pom.xml, and so on.
Developers don't need to make many changes to an application in order to run it on Heroku. One requirement is informing the platform as to which parts of the application are runnable. This is done in a Procfile, a text file that accompanies the source code. Each line of the Procfile declares a process type — a named command that can be executed against the built application.
Application development on Heroku is primarily done through git. The application gets a new git remote typically named as Heroku along with its local git repository where the application was made. Hence to deploy heroku application is similar to using the git push command.
There are many other ways of deploying applications too. For example, developers can enable GitHub integration so that each new pull request is associated with its own new application, which enables all sorts of continuous integration scenarios. Dropbox Sync lets developers deploy the contents of Dropbox folders to Heroku, or the Heroku API can be used to build and release apps.
Deployment then, is about moving the application from a local system to Heroku.
The mechanism for the build is usually different for different languages, but follows the consistent pattern of retrieving the specified dependencies, and creating any necessary assets (whether as simple as processing style sheets or as complex as compiling code). The source code for the application, together with the fetched dependencies and output of the build phase such as generated assets or compiled code, as well as the language and framework, are assembled into a slug.
Applications in Heroku are run using a command specified in the Procfile, on a dyno that's been preloaded with a prepared slug (in fact, with the release, which extends the slug, configuration variables and add-ons).
It's like running dyno as a lightweight, secure, virtualized Unix container that contains the application slug in its file system. Heroku will boot a dyno, load it with the slug, and execute the command associated with the web process type in the Procfile. Deploying a new version of an application kills all the currently running dynos and starts new ones (with the new release) to replace them, preserving the existing dyno formation.
A customization of the existing configuration is possible as the configuration is done not within the code but in a different place outside the source code. This configuration is independent of the code currently being run. The configuration for an application is stored in config vars.
At runtime, all of the config vars are exposed as environment variables so they can be easily extracted programatically. A Ruby application deployed with the above config var can access it by calling ENV["ENCRYPTION_KEY"]. All dynos in an application will have access to exactly the same set of config vars at run-time.
The combination of slug and configuration is called a release. Every time a new version of an application is deployed, a new slug is created and release is generated.
As Heroku contains a store of the previous releases of the application, it's designed to make it easier to roll back and deploy a previous release. A release, then, is the mechanism behind how Heroku lets the developer modify the configuration of the application (the config vars) independently of the application source (stored in the slug) — the release binds them together. Whenever the developer changes a set of config vars associated with the application, a new release will be generated.
Dyno manager help maintain and operate the dynos created. Because Heroku manages and runs applications, there's no need to manage operating systems or other internal system configuration. One-off dynos can be run with their input/output attached to the local terminal. These can also be used to carry out admin tasks that modify the state of shared resources, for example database configuration, perhaps periodically through a scheduler.
Dynos do not share file state, and so add-ons that provide some kind of storage are typically used as a means of communication between dynos in an application. For example, Redis or Postgres could be used as the backing mechanism in a queue; then dynos of the web process type can push job requests onto the queue, and dynos of the queue process type can pull jobs requests from the queue. Add-ons are associated with an application, much like config vars, and so the earlier definition of a release needs to be refined. A release of the applications is not just the slug and config vars; it's the slug, config vars as well as the set of provisioned add-ons.
Heroku treats logs as streams of time-stamped events, and collates the stream of logs produced from all of the processes running in all dynos, and the Heroku platform components, into the Logplex- a high-performance, real-time system for log delivery. Logplex keeps a limited buffer of log entries solely for performance reasons.
Heroku's HTTP routers distribute incoming requests for the application across the running web dynos. A random selection algorithm is used for HTTP/HTTPS request load balancing across web dynos. It also supports multiple simultaneous connections, as well as timeout handling.
The Heroku network runs the customer's apps in virtual containers which execute on a reliable runtime environment, heroku calls these containers Dynos. These Dynos can run code written in Node, Ruby, PHP, Go, Scala, Python, Java, Clojure. Heroku also provides custom buildpacks with which the developer can deploy apps in any other language. Heroku lets the developer scale the app instantly just by either increasing the number of dyno or by changing the type of dyno the app runs in.
Heroku Teams is a team management tool which provides collaboration and controls to bring customer's developers, processes and tools together in order to build better software. With Heroku Teams, teams can self-organize, add and manage members, get fine grained control with app-level permissions and also use collaboration tools like Heroku Pipelines. It also provides delegated administration and centralized billing.
Heroku Enterprise provides services to large companies which help them to improve collaboration among different teams. It provides a set of features like fine grained access controls, identity federation and private spaces, to manage their enterprise application development process, resources and users.
Heroku Elements provides users with Add-ons -Tools and services for developing, extending, and operating the app , Buildpacks-Buildpacks automate the build processes for the preferred languages and frameworks and Buttons -one-click provision, configure and deploy third party components, libraries and pattern app.
^ "Heroku". Crunchbase. Retrieved March 2, 2016.
^ "About Heroku". Stack Overflow. Retrieved March 2, 2016.
^ "James Lindenbaum - Founder @ Heavybit - crunchbase". Retrieved 22 October 2016.
^ "Adam Wiggins". Retrieved 22 October 2016.
^ "Six Things to Consider When Using Redis on Heroku". Redis Labs. Retrieved March 2, 2016.
^ "Rails Heroku Tutorial". RailsApps Project. Retrieved March 2, 2016.
^ "The term is merger of "Hero" and "Haiku". | Hacker News". news.ycombinator.com. Retrieved 2016-08-05.
^ "Douglas Drumond's answer to What does Heroku mean? - Quora". qr.ae. Retrieved 2016-08-05.
^ "What is application containerization (app containerization)? - Definition from WhatIs.com". Retrieved 22 October 2016.
^ "Dynos and the Dyno Manager - Heroku Dev Center". Retrieved 22 October 2016.
^ "Scalability: How does Heroku work? - Quora". Retrieved 22 October 2016.
^ "Deploying Node.js Apps on Heroku - Heroku Dev Center". Retrieved 22 October 2016.
^ "Heroku Security". Retrieved 1 December 2017.
^ a b Heroku Cloud Application Development. Packt Publishing Ltd. 2014.
^ "Process Types and the Procfile - Heroku Dev Center". Retrieved 22 October 2016.
This page was last edited on 13 April 2019, at 06:40 (UTC).


text:
Flogometer for Scott: would you keep reading?
Tell me something, please.
What does FtQ do for you (if anything)? How does it help you (if at all)? Please email me with your feedback. And thanks.
What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 lines on the first page (first pages of chapters/prologues start about 1/3 of the way down the page).
Some homework. Before sending your novel's opening, you might want to read these two FtQ posts: Story as River and Kitty-cats in Action. That'll tell you where I'm coming from, and might prompt a little rethinking of your narrative.
Scott is back for a "re-flog." He's sent a new prologue and a revised first chapter. First, the first 16 lines of the prologue:
Eleven year-old Julian Barth whipped his hand behind his back. He raised his voice, but he didn't expect the other residents at Saint Jerome Emiliani Home for Orphaned Boys to come rushing into the lavatory. They would be too afraid of Billy to hear anything.
"I don't know what you're talking about. And don't call me that, or I'll tell Sister Margaret."
Julian was small for his age, and even though he had a wiry strength, Billy dragged him down easily and pinned him. The tiles were damp and smelled like ammonia.
"I said give it to me, Foolian. Now!" Billy demanded.
Billy's knees were crushing his biceps, and Billy's free hands pried back one of his clenched fingers until it hurt too much. The green pellets spilled out.
"What is this, Foolian? Is it -- food?"
"It's mine! Give it back!"
Billy showed a fist. "Remember this?"
"OK, OK! Don't hit me! It's a, a -- snack."
"Where'd you get it?"
"From the kitchen, when Sister Theresa wasn't looking."
And now, the first 16 lines from the chapter opening.
Dr. David Randall loved working at Boston's celebrated Trent University Hospital. Loved it too much, maybe. You couldn't stay at Trent unless you got promoted, and you couldn't get promoted only as a superb clinician, even if you did run the psychiatric inpatient service. You had to conduct research, too.
Randall heard hoarse bellowing on his morning rounds and halted outside a seclusion room. "Jesus was the son of GOD! Jesus was the son of MAN! Don't let them poke out my eyes!" Too bad the patient wasn't competent to give informed consent. He sounded perfect for the refenterine study.
Randall edged into the room. The patient was arching his back and straining against the straps binding him to the bed. The resident psychiatrist, Chris Peck, was wiping spittle off his cheek and trying to look casual about it. Next to Peck was a nurse. Had to be Laura Raino, judging from her height and carriage. She was wearing goggles, gown, and mask.
"Good morning. What's the gentleman's name?" Randall asked.
Peck answered. "Lucifer Gabriel, he told them in the ER. But Laura says he's been here before. His real name's Raymond Johnson."
"What did Mr. Johnson do to get into restraints?"
Would you turn the page after Scott's prologue? First chapter page? Please answer for both. And be tough.
Prologue yes, chapter maybe
While both need work, the action in the prologue was enough to take me to the next page (which was all that was left of the prologue
-- the pellets little Julian gave the bully were rat poison). I think the first chapter would have been stronger if the first paragraph were eliminated and it started with the ranting man. The first graph's stuff could have easily been worked in after the first crisis was dealt with. However, this is much better than the version Scott sent a while back, so good work on the rewrite, Scott. How about some notes on the prologue?
Eleven year-old Julian Barth whipped his hand behind his back. He raised his voice, but he didn't expect the other residents at Saint Jerome Emiliani Home for Orphaned Boys to come rushing into the lavatory. They would be too afraid of Billy to hear anything. (I don't think the language is appropriate for an 11-year-old, specifically "raised his voice" (how about "shouted"?), "residents" (how about "boys"?), and "lavatory" (how about "bathroom"?)
Julian was small for his age eleven, and even though he had a wiry strength, Billy dragged him down easily and pinned him to the floor. The tiles were damp and smelled like ammonia.
"I said give it to me, Foolian. Now!" Billy demanded. (Using the "demanded" dialogue tag is explaining the dialogue. ("telling"). The dialogue shows the demanding.)
Billy's knees were crushing his crushed Julian's arms biceps, and Billy's free hands pried back one of his clenched fingers until it hurt too much. T the green pellets spilled out. (For me, a little too much detail and overwriting. This is action -- distill it down to the essence.)
"From the kitchen, when Sister Theresa wasn't looking." (As we learn, this is rat poison, so Julian is a great con artist and a bit on the murderous side. The prologue leaves us there, and we assume Julian will be back in adult form.)
The first chapter could be tightened as well. In skimming ahead, there was action that was good, but I didn't see much of a problem that threatened the doctor-protagonist. Keep at it, Scott, definite progress here.
Comments, anyone?
For what it's worth,
Donations go to the cost of hosting FtQ.
Public floggings available. If I can post it here,
send 1st chapter or prologue as an attachment (cutting and pasting and reformatting from an email is a time-consuming pain) and I'll critique the first couple of pages.
And, optionally, permission to use it as an example in a book if that's okay.
If you're in a hurry, I've done "private floggings," $50 for a first chapter.
If you rewrite while you wait you turn, it's okay with me to update the submission.
September 29, 2008 in Flogometer | Permalink | Comments (10) | TrackBack (0)
Flogometer for Patty: would you keep reading?
Patty's first 16 lines:
The wooden door on the first floor gallery bore no sign.
Members of the diplomatic corps often joked that the lack of signage intended to confuse terrorists as to which was the President's office. To me, an infrequent visitor, security at the Nations of Earth complex was no joking matter.
Six servicemen followed me up the stairs, and as I stepped onto the gallery, four more snapped into military salutes.
'Mr Wilson, Sir. The President is expecting you,' a man said. A corporal, I thought.
I slowed and my escort bunched around me, a gaggle of dress uniforms, white gloves, glittering buttons and guns.
The corporal's gaze slid from me to Nicha, who had stopped, shadow-like, a step behind me as if to draw attention away from the fact that he was the only gamra person in the hall. The corporal glared at the multitude of antennas and other gadgetry protruding from the pockets of Nicha's jacket.
He turned to me. 'I'm afraid communication equipment is not allowed in the President's office. You'll have to ask your companion to remove it.'
'No need. He will wait in the foyer.' What was wrong with talking to Nicha? He was (snip)
Would you turn Patty's page?
Where's the beef?
While the writing is nicely clean and clear, it didn't get around to the part needed to force me to turn the page
-- a strong story question. Here, the only question is what the meeting with the president is about, but there's no hint that it's about anything more compelling than, let's say, what to serve at dinner that night. As it turns out in the pages that follow, there seems to be a mystery about the death of someone important on another world, and the protagonist is going there. . .but not to solve the mystery.
In science fiction, there's a certain amount of world-building that is acceptable and necessary -- but it has to be the understructure of a story packed with tension. There needs to be jeopardy, or conflict, or mystery on top. This chapter is just about all "world-setting." Or, as it's sometimes called, "throat-clearing."
Patty's writing throughout the chapter is clean and crisp, but it deals primarily with letting us in on the little things that make this a future world -- devices, customs, etc. As for what happens, up until the very end of the chapter, it's a conversation. Pleasant enough, but mostly focused on filling in backstory and exposition. Then, at the very end of the chapter, comes this:
As if stung, President Sirkonen turned to the window; for a split second, his eyes widened.
The window exploded. And the desk, and one side of the bookshelf splintered, sending an avalanche of books onto the floor. I dived off the chair, landing just a fraction of a second after the broken glass did. I cursed and tried to scramble up, but hit my head on something that had fallen over the top of me. Hard. The world went black.
This, the hook at the end of the chapter, would (for me) make a much better opening to the first chapter. All the rest that the chapter contained can be woven in as the character wakes and discovers what happened and a threat to his life is learned, or whatever desire is created in him.
September 26, 2008 in Flogometer | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBack (0)
Flogometer for Linda: would you keep reading
Linda's first 16 lines:
The smell hit me like a drug when we walked into the room. It was heady and intoxicating, but I wouldn't drink from them. Strong emotions are easier to feed on, and I felt my nostrils flare and my teeth started to itch.
"Will you be okay?" Carla asked.
"Yeah, I'll be fine. I won't bite anyone," I reassured her, and she smiled, "but do I really have to take a lesson? I'd rather sit and watch for a while."
"Yes," she insisted, leading me to a small table in the corner while we waited for the class to start. Carla knew me well enough to let me sit with my back against the wall. Idly, I watched the room. People stood in nervous groups, fidgeting while they waited for the class to start. Dark tapestries lined the walls and the lighting was dim, almost to the point of darkness. I felt a shot of adrenaline when Thia walked into the room, Drew close on her heels, like a submissive puppy. I shrank a bit into the shadows, glad for the darkness. Carla glanced at me in question and I motioned towards the two of them.
"Are you sure about this?" I knew she would leave if I asked, even though her look said she didn't want to.
"Let's see what they do," I said. I wanted to bite Thia, and my teeth itched in anticipation. It (snip)
Would you turn Linda's page? Be tough, leave a comment.
Close, but I didn't bite
There's good writing (and some with shortcomings), but not enough tension to move me on. I deduced that the protagonist was a vampire, and I liked the way she seemed quite human as well. The paragraph almost did the trick with a story question
-- why did she want to bite Thia? -- but today I balked. Part of the problem lay in the first paragraph, and hints that there was a dialogue tag issue coming. Notes:
The smell hit me like a drug when we walked into the room. It was heady and intoxicating, but I wouldn't drink from them. Strong emotions are easier to feed on, and I felt my nostrils flare and my teeth started to itch. (Lots of issues here. What smell? And the second sentence is totally confusing, having the protagonist not wanting to drink from "them," which is a plural pronoun referring to "it," which refers to the smell, a singular thing. I'm sure Linda means the people in the room when the narrative says "them," but it hasn't shown us any people. Just a smell. And what are strong emotions easier to feed on than? Also, if this is a vampire, does that mean that strong emotions provide sustenance just as blood does? The lack of clarity in this opening paragraph, the one that has to be crystal clear and hook me, nearly stopped me right there.)
"Will you be okay?" Carla said asked. (This was the first hint that dialogue tags that explained dialogue were in my reading future. When a sentence ends in a question mark, there's no need to use "asked." It's redundant; we know a question has been asked. I use said whenever possible, and let the narrative show the reader how the dialogue is said.)
"Yeah, I'll be fine. I won't bite anyone," I reassured her, and she smiled, "but do I really have to take a lesson? I'd rather sit and watch for a while." (Here we're using "reassured" as a sort of dialogue tag to explain its delivery. Not needed. The dialogue is clearly intended to reassure -- it has shown what the dialogue tag then tells us. You could do this with a period at the end of the first sentence, then a brief "She smiled." And then make the second clause a sentence.)
"Let's see what they do," I said. I wanted to bite Thia, and my teeth itched in anticipation. It (snip) (I cut unnecessary narrative in the big paragraph above, and then cut the rest because I felt it didn't really contribute to story movement or characterization. Besides, the sooner you get to the line about biting Thia and having a little room left on the page to add to the tension, the better.)
On dialogue tags: in the coming pages, characters variously hissed, chirped, reassured again, trilled, and barked. See my post on dialogue tags. I suggest going through and substituting "said." If the delivery of the line isn't then clear enough, add description to show it.
The chapter turns out to be a dance class (a funny thought for a vampire story, but not compelling in itself) and a spat between the protagonist and Drew because of his messing around with Thia. Some trolls and a master come in at the end, but there's no real sense of jeopardy for the protagonist, to my way of seeing it, and so not enough tension.
Still, there's a lot to like -- voice, the world, and a romance plot.
Thank you, Ann, for your generous contribution. Donations go to the cost of hosting FtQ.
email1st chapter or prologue as an attachment (cutting and pasting and reformatting from an email is a time-consuming pain) and I'll critique the first couple of pages.
Flogometer for Ann: would you keep reading?
Ann's first 16 lines:
The goats' long horns were tied tight to their fellows immediately before them, forcing the beasts' gazes to the ground to prevent them from panicking against the winds whipping down from the rocks. Amar checked the ropes keeping the flock together and looked upward into the looming storm. It was a swift summer thunderer they called God's Wrath, for it blew in quickly like an avalanche with punishing force.
Far below, the sun of the late summer afternoon was being chased westward by shadow. The city was eaten as well, dusk arriving too soon for the lamplighters to run their routes. The movement of some lights told of a scurrying for home, an urgency to secure barns and window shutters, and to pack up the tents and awnings of the market ahead of the weather. The bell tolled the evening call to prayer, the sound rising up to the boys on the mountainside, as if voicing moral support for those unwary enough to be caught out in the open.
Amar, at seventeen and a half, didn't like to think of himself as unwary, and studied the dark green belly of the cloud mass, trying to assume the expression of one pondering a fly in his soup. He preferred to consider himself above the sort who would fear the weather, reserving such weakness for his father's switch and the dire words of the priests. Still, watching this storm creep into the valley over the ancient monster of rock they had (snip)
Would you turn Ann's first page? Be tough, leave a comment.
I came very close
I liked the writing, and the voice, and the tone of an epic fantasy novel (I'm a fan), and think I would have turned the page with just a touch more tension. For example, a sense of real jeopardy from the approaching storm -- they're at high altitude, there could be tales of the death-dealing fury of a storm on the mountaintop. As it was, though, I wasn't truly compelled. Some notes:
The goats' long horns were tied tight to their fellows immediately before them, forcing the beasts' gazes to the ground to prevent them from panicking against the winds whipping down from the rocks. Amar checked the ropes keeping the flock together and looked upward into the looming storm. It was a swift summer thunderer they called God's Wrath, for it blew in quickly, like an avalanche with punishing force. (I liked the intent of the first sentence, but found it confusing and not really credible. I don't see how tying horns together would force the goats to look down. All they'd have to do is raise their heads. So right off I was taken out of the story because of this apparent contradiction.)
Far below, the sun of the late summer afternoon was being chased westward by the storm's shadow. The city was eaten as well, dusk arriving too soon for the lamplighters to run their routes. The movement of some lights told of a scurrying for home, an urgency to secure barns and window shutters, and to pack up the tents and awnings of the market ahead of the weather. The bell tolled the evening call to prayer, the sound rising up to the boys on the mountainside, as if voicing moral support for those unwary enough to be caught out in the open. ("some" is vague. Even something such as "scattered" or "a handful" would be more likely to evoke a picture. The unwary-enough-to-be-out-in-the-storm part would be a good place to increase the potential jeopardy up on the mountainside.)
Amar, at seventeen and a half, didn't like to think of himself as unwary, and studied the dark green belly of the cloud mass, trying to assume the expression of one pondering a fly in his soup. He preferred to consider himself above the sort who would fear the weather, reserving such weakness for his father's switch and the dire words of the priests. Still, watching this storm creep into the valley over the ancient monster of rock they had (snip) (Giving us Amar's age here, in this fashion, is a break in the close POV that is established in this paragraph. Find another way. For example, "In his seventeen years, Amar had never been caught in a storm on the mountain." For me, a little too much was devoted to characterization here where you need to hook the reader and make them wonder what's going to happen next.)
Good writing, though. The rest of the chapter showed the same talent, though there was some head-hopping going on between this character and his fellow goat herder. Put a little more impending drama in this first page and I'll read on.
Flogometer for Terri: would you keep reading?
Terri sent a prologue and a chapter. Here are the first 16 lines of both.
Prologue:
Janet Malloy sat at the conference table with her shoes kicked off and her sleeves rolled up. She had the newest murder file spread in front of her and couldn't believe what she was reading. After eleven years in the District Attorney's office, she got to pick and choose her cases and this one was just too good to pass. Opening her notebook to a fresh page, she started making notes. The first step to prosecuting a case was preparing an outline of the elements of the crime.
She started with the crime scene photos. Not a lot to look at, the victim was little more than a skeleton partially covered by a water-sodden quilt. Four kids had found the body in the well at an abandoned farm near the county line. As she had often done as a child, they had ignored the "Danger" and "No Trespassing" signs to explore the ramshackle buildings. Pulling the cover off the well, they were rewarded with the sight of a skeletal foot poking out of the water. Janet laughed at the thought of a bunch of preteen toughs running and screaming for their mothers. One of those mothers had called the police and now the remains were on a tray in the morgue. She made a note to call the mother to testify about calling the police and directing them to the body. That was the first link in the chain.
Next, she reviewed the coroner's report. The victim hadn't died easily and he hadn't died accidentally. The cause of death was blunt force trauma. The fatal blow, apparently (snip)
And now Chapter 1.
Jessica Wayne was an eighteen-year-old drama student at the local junior college who also waited tables at her parents' bar and grill. Slim and pretty, with dark hair and eyes, Jessica dreamed of being a model or an actress. A decent enough girl, she had never appeared on one of Malloy's dockets as a defendant. However, she had very poor taste when it came to friends, so trouble sometimes found her whether she was looking or not.
Ten days ago, she had gone to a party after work. Joey Peterson lived outside of town at his parents' place. His dad had given up farming for a foreman's job at the transmission parts factory, so the big hay barn was empty and unused except for Joey's parties. That night it had blazed with spotlights rigged to an old generator. Jessica had wound her way through the maze of parked cars and went inside. Fueled by beer and weed, the party was rocking with the smoke so thick she'd caught a light buzz during the walk from the door to the keg.
"Hey guys!" she said, shucking her coat and grabbing a beer. There were at least a dozen people she recognized, mostly locals she knew from high school. Joey was on the college rodeo team, so there was also a sprinkling of cowboys in the crowd. Jessica smiled at particularly good-looking guy and thought about going over to talk to him. She changed her mind when her best friend, Misty, waved her over and made room on one of the broken-down couches Joey kept in (snip)
Would you turn the page after Terri's prologue? First chapter page? Please answer for both.
Good writing, but little drama
First, the prologue. For a mystery fan, this might be enough. Interesting case, good writing. But no tension as far as the protagonist is concerned. I wasn't moved.
The first chapter: pretty much an info dump to start off with, and no drama. Both of these samples are almost lawyerly in the way they carefully give us lot of information about story elements. But they don't, in my view, give us story.
For me, the best openings are what I call "living scenes." They have action/movement, dialogue, characterization, and tension of some kind. I didn't feel that either of these had that.
Rather than give you lots of notes, here's a snippet from later in the first chapter. It comes a lot closer to my definition of an opening that can compel a reader forward.
Mike Leavy looked scared. No, he looked terrified. He stood stiff and unmoving, staring at the mug with glassy eyes. Jessica didn't like what was happening and started to back away from the circle.
She was two steps back when Mike Leavy screamed. He was tall and beefy, but the scream was high-pitched and shrill. Later Misty would say he sounded like a little girl. Jessica looked at Mike and saw he was crying.
"It's him, it's him," Mike said, sniffling and wiping his nose on his shirttail.
"Who?" asked the girl standing next to him. Jessica didn't know her.
"The old man, it's him," said Mike.
"What fucking old man are you talking about, shithead?" said Joey, pissed because his game was spoiled.
"Old man Blueriver. The old Indian. He's coming back to get me," said Mike.
Before anyone could say anything else, Mike Leavy ran from the barn.
Would you turn the page with that as the opening?
Now I'm engaged. I think Terri has a good story in mind and the characters to deliver it. Were I editing her novel, I'd advise her to start here and weave in the rest as needed, with a little scene-setting to be done here first. It can be done, and it's not really that difficult once you get the hang of it. Focus on story first, and give me something happening that makes me want to know what happens next. As interesting as the details were in the prologue, nothing much was happening, and I wasn't compelled to wonder what would happen next. That goes double for the opening of the chapter as it now stands.
Flogometer for Cheri: would you keep reading?
Cheri has sent the (very brief) prologue below, saying that it could be the start of her first chapter, and sent the chapter as well. Should the prologue be part of the chapter? Do you want to turn the first page, whichever it is? First, the prologue (8 lines):
Arethusa: The waterer. This was to be her new name. She knew this translation, of course, but little else had passed her mother's lips though she asked often enough. Was the name a curse or a blessing? Perhaps neither. Perhaps Mãe had merely destined her for a love of watery things. It was true. The sea was in her blood, slipping quicksilver through her veins. And the moon -- driving her tide, directing her course -- the moon goddess Artemis, was now to be her mistress. No more Eva now. No more a daughter of God.
It is strange how our names become our fate. No matter what my fate, given a choice . . . still I would choose that name: Arethusa, nymph of the old world, daughter of the moon goddess.
Here's the opening page (16 lines without the prologue):
Up on deck, Eva heard the hollow tang-tang of the ship's bell marking the hour of nine. She wiped the moisture from the thick glass of the porthole, but it was no use -- the goddess had not yet risen. The storm that had chased them for hours still threatened from the west: a twisting mass of thunder and waves and rain that clawed toward the clipper Sea Nymph with a vengeance.
The Azores lay in wait. Before dawn they would drop anchor in Angra Bay. The islands promised freedom, but as much as Eva wished to, she could not trust a hope, could not shake the dread of each approaching mile. She sensed a disquiet. She smelled it in the stateroom's musty air, tasted its bitter trace on her tongue, heard it in the voice of her mother as she fretted and paced behind her.
Eva could hear her rummaging through the candle box, the various nubs tapping against each other like bars of soap. "We're almost out of candles. We don't have enough. Not nearly enough wax," Mãe whispered, almost to herself.
Eva's mind was on something else entirely as she scanned the horizon once again. "If the storm blocks out the moonlight, can we complete the ceremony?"
When Mãe didn't answer, she glanced back, feeling again the stifling closeness of the stateroom. Having given up on the candles, her mother was now putting the last flourishes on a (snip)
Would you turn the page after Cheri's prologue? First chapter page? Please answer for both.
( surveys)
Despite nice writing, not for me
The writing has the tone of fantasy, and is generally good, and evocative. Cheri almost got me with the nice tension elements in the first chapter segment (dread, disquiet, stifling closeness), but it just didn't get me there. The tension was unfocused, if you will. I didn't know what the character was tense about, or was dreading, so couldn't know if it was a jeopardy worthy of reading on.
The prologue was simply information and a nicely put tease. I suspect that, in a store, I would have skipped it. If I hadn't, there was promise there that would have gotten me to the first chapter page. But only that far.
Brief notes on the first page:
Up on deck, Eva heard the hollow tang-tang of the ship's bell marking the hour of nine. She wiped the moisture from the thick glass of the porthole, but it was no use -- the goddess had not yet risen. The storm that had chased them for hours still threatened from the west: a twisting mass of thunder and waves and rain that clawed toward the clipper Sea Nymph with a vengeance. (A clarity/staging problem in the first sentence: it suggests that Eva is up on deck, but then she wipes moisture from a porthole, which can't be on deck.)
The Azores lay in wait. Before dawn they would drop anchor in Angra Bay. The islands promised freedom, but as much as Eva wished to, she could not trust a hope, could not shake the dread of each approaching mile. She sensed a disquiet. She smelled it in the stateroom's musty air, tasted its bitter trace on her tongue, heard it in the voice of her mother as she fretted and paced behind her. (I liked the mood of this paragraph, especially the last sentence. I didn't think the disquiet sentence contributed.)
Eva's mind was on something else entirely as she scanned the horizon once again. "If the storm blocks out the moonlight, can we complete the ceremony?" (If you don't suggest what's on her mind, why mention it? Since there's nothing for the reader to imagine or grasp about "something," it doesn't move story forward, and can't mean anything to the reader, IMO.)
I did read on, of course, and nothing much happens. The protagonist's mother relates to her a fantastic experience with one of the "gods," which could either be true or not, that's not clear. But, other than what amounts to exposition and backstory, the narrative doesn't move forward. Were I Cheri, I think I'd look hard at getting to story first and filling in later. Although I know that in fantasy a certain amount of extra time is frequently given to world building and stage setting, here I felt more story would have served the reader better.
Those are my thoughts.
Flogometer for Keith: would you keep reading?
Keith's first 16 lines:
in - ter - lop - er
One who thrusts himself into the affairs of others, often for selfish reasons; a meddler.
One who intrudes without a proper license.
A dude whose home life really sucks until he falls bass-ackwards into a chance to move a zillion miles away to attend a school he really doesn't fit into.
Okay, so I made the last one up. But it explains my hiding in the bushes late on a school night, swatting at mosquitoes and gnawing on unseen spider webs while playing lookout for my crew.
The steel roll-up door behind the archeology wing of the Science Building screeched like a hairdresser scratching fake fingernails across a chalkboard, but it didn't move an inch. Darby cranked the jack again with the same result. I crouched about ten yards away, could hardly see and couldn't hear a thing he or Randi said. I reached down to pull another hunk of mulch from my shoe and ate my fifth spider web of the night. This was getting old, fast. And wasn't it cold enough for mosquitoes to have buzzed south for the winter? Finally, I couldn't stand it any longer and keyed my wireless headset.
Would you turn Keith's page? Remember to be tough, like an agent would be. (You can add a comment after you answer.)
voice pulled me forward, but. . .
Frequently, agents will tell you that the one aspect of a sample most likely to hook their interest is a fresh-sounding, likeable voice. This one has that. And it manages to raise some story questions, despite the brevity of the narrative.
Keith uses the "definition" approach for his second chapter, too. Frankly, I wouldn't, I think. I'd have to see how it pans out in the long run, but in this first example it takes up page space that could have been devoted to creating tension. In actuality, narrative other than the definition totals only 9 lines. So Keith gave up about one-third of his chances to hook a weary agent so he could have a fun definition at the top. To my mind, a risk. Notes:
Okay, so I made the last one up. But it explains my hiding in the bushes late on a school night, swatting at mosquitoes and gnawing on unseen spider webs while playing lookout for my crew. (I question the use of "playing." It makes this seem like a game, which it isn't. Why not something more straightforward, e.g. "acting as.")
The steel roll-up door behind the archeology wing of the Science Building screeched like a hairdresser scratching fake fingernails across a chalkboard, but it didn't move an inch. Darby cranked the jack again with the same result. I crouched about ten yards away, could hardly see and couldn't hear a thing he or Randi said. I reached down to pull another hunk of mulch from my shoe and ate my fifth spider web of the night. This was getting old, fast. And wasn't it cold enough for mosquitoes to have buzzed south for the winter? Finally, I couldn't stand it any longer and keyed my wireless headset. (While Keith has tried to dress up an old cliché with "screeched like a hairdresser scratching fake fingernails across a chalkboard," it's still a cliché, and one that can distract from the narrative -- I found myself wondering if fake fingernails would sound any different than real ones. Go for something original (and shorter) (and less distracting). I felt the bit about the mulch was a waste of 12 words as the information doesn't move the story along and the descriptive value doesn't seem to contribute either.)
As I said, the voice is the most compelling part of this story so far. Were I you, Keith, I'd try omitting the definition and the reference to it (I know that it was a clever way of getting some exposition out of the way, but you could have done it later and much more efficiently) so that you can get more story on the first page. But I'm sure some readers will disagree.
Flogometer for Dan: would you keep reading?
Dan's first 16 lines:
Lincoln Jefferson-Davis got down on his hands and knees and checked for poison ivy before spreading the foliage apart. The green leaves of Toxicodendrum radicans were ubiquitous in this part of Minnesota and he had been careless before, and paid for it. Satisfied that there was no harm in his way he lifted low lying ground cover and smiled. He had anticipated this moment, and now that it had arrived, he gave a loud whoop. He slipped off his backpack and removed two items: a small GPS device and a digital camera. He marked his precise location with the first and with the second took several photographs. The specimen of Cypripedium regina -- the lady slipper -- had bloomed two months ago and he would need to compare the photographs with his references to be sure.
He heard a noise behind him. The woods were full of squirrels burying nuts at this time of year and it wasn't unusual to spot one or two white tailed deer walking down to the river's edge. Plants were what pushed his buttons, not animals. He got to his feet and began walking toward the light coming from the break in the forest caused by the power line. He could hear it buzzing and cracking high above as he approached. The pictures of a protected plant in the power company right of way might help the cause if they were seen by the right people. As he stepped out into the light onto a gravel path he was startled by the figure standing in his (snip)
Would you turn Dan's page? (You can add a comment after you answer.)
Didn't get me.
For me, this opening was simply too leisurely. There are signs of overwriting, too. But the primary problems were level of tension and story questions. The very last sentence begins to raise a question, but none of a compelling nature had come before. Notes:
Lincoln Jefferson-Davis got down on his hands and knees and checked for poison ivy before spreading the foliage apart. The green leaves of Toxicodendrum radicans were ubiquitous in this part of Minnesota and he had been careless before, and paid for it. Satisfied that there was no harm in his way,he lifted low- lying ground cover and smiled. He had anticipated this moment, and now that it had arrived, he gave a loud whoop. He slipped off his backpack and removed two items: a small GPS device and a digital camera. He marked his precise location with the first and with the second took several photographs. The specimen of Cypripedium regina -- the lady slipper -- had bloomed two months ago and he would need to compare the photographs with his references to be sure. (I believe the Latin should be in italics, the general rule for foreign languages. I cut all the poison ivy stuff because it didn't really seem to contribute to story. I cut the anticipation part for similar reasons -- the important part is that he whooped at the sight of the plant, it seems to me. As you see, I think this opening paragraph could be much crisper. As an opening paragraph, it hasn't done anything to add much in the way of tension.)
He heard a noise behind him. The woods were full of squirrels burying nuts at this time of year and it wasn't unusual to spot one or two white tailed deer walking down to the river's edge. Plants were what pushed his buttons, not animals. He got to his feet and began walking walked toward the light coming from the break in the forest caused by the power line. He could hear it buzzing and cracking high above as he approached. The pictures of a protected plant in the power company right of way might help the cause if they were seen by the right people. As he stepped out into the light onto a gravel path he was startled by the a figure standing in his (snip) While details such as the light tell me that Dan is doing a good job of seeing the environment, they are details that don't seem to help much. I cut the part about the noise because he doesn't react to it. While Dan may be intending to add an element of suspense with the noise, he immediately nullifies it with the explanation about forest animals. The noise would create suspense if all was very quiet and there was no reason for a noise. IMO)
All of this detail kept the most interesting stuff off the first page -- on page 2 there's a sting in his neck and all goes black. Unfortunately, the rest of the chapter concerns a funeral for someone unrelated (as far as we know) to the opening incident. Still, it would have been better to get the attack by the mysterious figure on the first page. Dan, you gave hints that the story is about a conflict between environmentalists and a power company in the opening, but nothing in the following pays that off. There is a reference to "demonstrations," but they aren't specific enough to connect with this. I think you've got a story, but so far are being a little too coy about letting the reader in on it.
Flogometer for Bill: would you keep reading?
Bill's first 16 lines:
The airplane's drone increased to a roar. Flying without lights, it blasted out of the darkness and swooped over the shrimp boat so low all four men flattened on the deck in panic.
"Jesus Christ." Harpoon Conroy leaped up shouting at his two passengers. Harpoon knew the two guys still lying on the deck were Mexican nationals by their accents. The two got up shouting in Spanish and brushing themselves off.
Harpoon couldn't remember their names (Tito and Pedro) so he called the chubby one "Gordo" and his idiot sidekick "Bozo." They wore Bermuda shorts and luminous Hawaiian shirts and could not be more conspicuous in the deck floodlights if they wore Howdy Doody propeller beanies. The plane's single engine faded into the distance for a few seconds, then gained volume as it again plunged over them in a thunderous boom; the prop wash rocking the shrimp boat.
They only hunkered at the waist on this pass. The plane waggled its wings as it faded into the night. Gordo stood, flapping his arms, and shouted, "They recognize us."
Harpoon took off his ball cap, pointing it at the two passengers. "No way anybody could miss those shirts you're wearing." The plane faded away, and the engine labored as if gaining altitude. Again the sound increased but was less intense as it passed overhead much higher. The moon shining through a hole in the clouds illuminated three parachutes drifting toward them with (snip)
Would you turn Bill's page?
No go for me
Primarily, it was a lack of tension that blocked a turn of the page. The dropping of three parachutes at the end of the page was a little bit tempting, but the run up didn't suggest much in the way of conflict, jeopardy, or other tension-producing events in the story's future. The narrative dawdled a bit, too
-- for example, there's no real reason to have the plane make two passes. The story could have started with the parachute drop and reactions that suggested tension to come. Notes:
The airplane's drone increased to a roar. Flying without lights, IIt blasted out of the darkness and swooped over the Harpoon Conroy's shrimp boat so low all four men flattened on the deck in panic, the prop wash rocking the boat. (Trimming to essentials: no lights isn't essential, blasting out of the dark is. I moved the protagonist's name up front so we knew whose boat this right at the start. As mentioned earlier, I'd put the parachutes here with the sentence " The moon shining through a hole in the clouds illuminated three parachutes drifting toward them.")
"Jesus Christ." Harpoon Conroy leaped up and shouted shouting at his two passengers. Harpoon knew the two guys still lying on the deck were Mexican nationals by their accents. The two They got up shouting in Spanish and brushing themselves off. (The "Mexican nationals" part feels like info dump, and I'm not so sure that a Mexican national would sound all that different from an Hispanic from south Texas.)
Harpoon couldn't remember their names, (Tito and Pedro) so he called the chubby one "Gordo" and his idiot sidekick "Bozo." They wore Bermuda shorts and luminous Hawaiian shirts and could not be more conspicuous in the deck floodlights if they wore Howdy Doody propeller beanies. The plane's single engine faded into the distance for a few seconds, then gained volume as it again plunged over them in a thunderous boom; the prop wash rocking the shrimp boat. (If the character can't remember names, then they have no place in the narrative, even parenthetically. Also, do you mean that he really called them the alternate names, which would be rude, or thought of them with those names? I'm not admitting that I'm old enough to know about Howdy Doody and propeller beanies, but I have a feeling that the reference would be lost on much of today's audience -- readers, please comment on this. Again, I'd just have one pass, drop the chutes, and get on with the story.)
They only hunkered at the waist on this pass. The plane waggled its wings as it faded into the night. Gordo stood, flappeding his arms, and shouted, "They recognize us." (When the parachutes drop, it's clear that they've been recognized. Putting the drop at the top eliminates the need for this bit of narrative. Heck, I'd cut most of it anyway.)
Harpoon took off his ball cap, pointing it at the two passengers. "No way anybody could miss those shirts you're wearing." The plane faded away, and the engine labored as if gaining altitude. Again the sound increased but was less intense as it passed overhead much higher. The moon shining through a hole in the clouds illuminated three parachutes drifting toward them with (snip) (I don't know that Harpoon's dialogue really contributes much to story here, and think that the narrative space could have been better used. I say start with the parachutes dropping, have the Mexicans react in ways that suggest their importance and perhaps what's in them, suggest a problem coming for Harpoon, and get on with the story.)
September 10, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0)
Flogometer for Kevin: would you keep reading?
Kevin's first 16 lines:
It was obvious his first assignment lacked something at the planning stage. After the events of the last thirty minutes, he could probably admit it. Mistakes had been made, and if asked by his superiors, he could identify them with no problem. He could learn from this, if given another chance.
All he had to do was somehow convince the man pointing the gun at his head to lower it, and take things from there.
Condor stood on the raised stage of the old lecture hall, the temperature of the room and the location of the weapon relative to his cranium were sufficient to draw rivers of sweat from his body.
He removed his tie with care and stuffed it into his pocket. If he was going to die, he didn't want it to get messy. It was special after all; his father had given it to him.
He moved an inch; the old wooden floor creaked beneath his feet.
"Avoid guns wherever possible."
The sentence in the handbook had been written especially for people like him. There hadn't been many Superheroes without powers in the academy's history, but it was nice of them to be so considerate.
Would you turn Kevin's page?
Looks like fun
I turned the page for this comic novel because this opening promises fun and an interesting concept. The voice is likeable, too, and the writing's pretty clean. Kevin starts with a tense scene and yet weaves in enough exposition to let us know of his novel's unusual premise. Notes:
It was obvious his first assignment lacked something at the planning stage. After the events of the last thirty minutes, he could probably admit it. Mistakes had been made, and if asked by his superiors, he could identify them with no problem. He could learn from this, if given another chance. (The second sentence seemed to add nothing, so I trimmed it. Since we don't know what the events of the last thirty minutes are, the reference is meaningless.)
All he had to do was somehow convince the man pointing the gun at his head to lower it, and take things from there. (Very nice.
Condor stood on the raised stage of the old lecture hall, the temperature of the room and the location of the weapon relative to his cranium were sufficient to draw rivers of sweat from his body. (Ah, you were doing so well and then threw in a cliché. Look for something other than "rivers of sweat.")
The handbook had said, "Avoid guns wherever possible." (Since this could have been said by either Condor or the man with the gun, it was completely lost that the expression came from a handbook. Thus I moved the attribution so this can make sense. A clarity issue.)
The sentence in the handbook had been written especially for people like him. There hadn't been many Superheroes without powers in the academy's history, but it was nice of them to be so considerate. (Another well-done bit of narrative. Because it's from within the character's point of view and done with the light touch of the novel's voice, it doesn't feel so much like exposition.)
The page turn led to a comically tense scene and fun dialogue with the bad guy and the damsel in distress. Pay attention to clarity and crisp narrative and you're on your way, Kevin.
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redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaCommonCrawl