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Style vs. Substance — Does Praise and Worship Music Convey the Gospel? →
Contemporary Christian Music and Worship: A Variety of Composition From Christianity Today
A Variety of Religious Composition | Christianity Today | A Magazine of Evangelical Conviction.
I n its series on "worship music," Christianity Today Magazine has published an article by Lawrence R. Mumford, PhD, a professor at the Biola University Conservatory of Music, looking at what Contemporary Christian Worship Music is. Mumford spent many years playing in praise and worship bands, as a minister of music in two Los Angles churches, and writing pop music. Mumford describes it, looking solely at the music, as a "subgenre of the American popular music that emerged in the mid-1960s and has been pervasive in society ever since…. This relatively recent pop music, with its almost infinite branches, includes soft rock, hard rock, country crossover, folk rock, punk rock, alternative, adult contemporary, rhythm and blues, hip-hop, and so forth. It has always been a model for CCM, and a few creative CCM artists have been musical innovators in their own right." Truth be told, CCM has its origins and roots in the "Jesus Movement" of the 1960s, part of the hippie counter-culture (with elements of mysticism, revivalism, and communal living), and the Charismatic Renewal Movement (with strong elements of unexplained spiritual experiences described as the baptism of the Holy Spirit, supernatural power of the Spirit and mysticism), particularly in Australia where some of the most popular praise and worship songs originate.
What are the characteristics of this music? Rhythm with an off-beat accent, more rhythm with a rock beat, and a middle of the road vocal sound designed to appeal to a wide audience. And do not forget the guitar solos and other improvisations that fill in some gaps in the music. Mumford describes:
"Nearly every pop and CCM song displays three musical traits that do not occur in hymns, traditional choral and organ pieces, or classical symphonic music. These are:
1. Consistent syncopation. This refers to an off-beat "kick" or accent to at least one beat in virtually every bar of the music, and often a complex of these rhythms. Such syncopation originated in African music and was brought to the U.S. from the 17th to the 19th century. Syncopation does not occur consistently in the classical music of Europe, primarily because that continent did not enslave large numbers of Africans.
2. A drum set percussionist playing a constant "rock" beat. This includes placing accents on the second and fourth beats of a measure in 4/4 time, which is itself another subtle syncopation.
3. A pleasing middle-ground vocal style that is neither rankly amateurish nor operatic. Additional musical traits that are common, although not found in every song, include a chord palette with occasional "modal" chords (unusual chromatic chords that originated in British and Appalachian folk music), a guitar playing supporting chords, an electric bass playing in a complementary fashion to the drummer, and improvised instrumental solos and fill-in patterns."
This music is not found in the "traditional" music of the church, the music that up until 20 or 30 years ago had been the standard in the church for centuries. Although he offers no explanation for it, Mumford finds the fact that the CCM style is not found in the worship music of the church astonishing. Mumford observes "if I were to play "A Mighty Fortress Is Our God" followed by "Here I Am to Worship" on the same keyboard and with the same vocalist, I would be performing in two musical languages." The music is not a development or outgrowth of our history, our shared past. Rather, it is something new and different, a radical departure:
"CCM is therefore not merely a stylistic development of church music from the past, like the change in art styles from the Renaissance to the Baroque. It is instead a radical departure from the past, and might be compared to the difference between a cathedral and a skyscraper. Both buildings shelter their occupants from the elements, and both may be identical in height and square footage—but they are made of very different materials."
When there is such a radical departure from the way things have always been done, a radical departure from precedent, there is usually required strong justification for such a move away from what has been established. The usual answers given for using CCM in the church today are given on grounds of relevance — read outreach — (those old hymns just do not speak to me or seekers), or to reach our children (gotta play the music the kids like), or the need for an experience in worship (I do not get anything out of traditional church). Mumford offers several explanations for how this music has come to play such a prominent role in our churches today:
"Several arguments have justified the inclusion, and even the dominance, of CCM in many churches today. It is identical in style and instrumentation to the popular music that every attendee hears constantly on the radio, in stores, in television ads, and in many films. It also complements the often large collections of recordings that baby boomers and younger consumers have amassed since as far back as the years of the Beach Boys and the Beatles. When CCM is performed live—especially with lighting effects, backdrops, loud amplification, and so forth—it evokes the excitement of the stadium rock concerts that many of us have attended.
"The pop style also contains a richness of emotional expression that may explain why it has come to dominate worship when, for example, the big band jazz or swing-era singing of the 1930s and '40s did not. The famous American music composer Aaron Copland, after writing several jazz-influenced pieces during that era, said, "I felt that I had done all I could with the idiom, considering its limited emotional scope …. American music could not possibly be confined to two dominant jazz models: the 'blues' and the snappy number." As a result, the Greatest Generation tended to turn to classical composers for ceremonial, patriotic, and especially worship music. In other words, they danced to Glenn Miller on Saturday night, but on Sunday morning they worshiped to classical choral music, the tribute music of Copland, and traditional hymns and Johann Sebastian Bach-like organ preludes, because this music met their emotional needs better than the era's popular styles.
"On the other hand, boomers and younger listeners who enjoy pop classics may be familiar with sensitive songs like "Abraham, Martin and John," "MacArthur Park," or "Bridge Over Troubled Water." It is hard to imagine any of these as jazz-era hits, yet they all sold millions in the late 1960s. They proved that pop was capable of expressing a range of emotions, and that it could be performed with a full orchestral background. Some would call these songs miniature classics, and the best of them could even be compared with the piano/vocal genre in classical music known as "art song." When CCM albums like Amy Grant's extremely popular Age to Age (which includes an arrangement of a Bach fugue as the introduction to one song) were released in the early 1980s, the subgenre joined the mainstream as a powerful artistic force. Artists were able to speak to an entire generation of Christians in its own language, and in a voice that ranged from a roar to a whisper."
Mumford points to four basic reasons which could be used as the basis for an argument that CCM should dominate our worship in our churches:
It is identical in style and instrumentation to the music we hear every day;
It complements our own music collections;
It evokes the excitement of the stadium rock concerts that we attend; and
It contains a richness of emotional expression that meets the emotional needs of people today.
That is not to say that CCM/pop music is the only genre of music that is out there for our public consumption, just the most popular. "But the simple truth is that our culture has not eliminated all other styles. The most obvious competitor is film music, which is a compendium of both classical and popular elements displayed on a large canvas…. Musical theater is also extremely popular, and might be called a hybrid, falling somewhere between popular songs and classical music's "light opera…." In addition, churchgoers frequently attend local symphonic band, choral, and orchestra concerts and recitals, none of which are usually dominated by pop songs." Mumford concludes that contemporary praise and worship music should not be used to the exclusion of all other forms and varieties of music that we have in the church. "[T]o ignore all other kinds of music does not reflect contemporary life. Such a practice will not only prevent young churchgoers from recognizing and remembering hymns and other sacred music from the past 500 years, it may even produce in them an underdeveloped artistic sense ("Jesus loves little Johnny who plays a guitar, but forget little Billy who plays the trumpet"). This may also make it difficult for young people to enter and function in a culture that still values intellectual achievement and the art of music in all its guises."
Mumford's conclusion is right on the mark, but I am afraid that it gets lost in translation given some of the assumptions that run through his article. First and foremost, is that the culture in which we live defines who we are as Christians. Because we listen to pop music every day, we should have that style of music in the church. Because we drink Starbucks, we need to make part of our church resemble a coffee house. There was a time when the church was seen as the transformative instrument in the world, acting on the surrounding culture through the transmission of the Word as the body of Christ. No longer — the culture is acting on and transforming the church, and, in what seems to be a trend, we are allowing it. In the name of relevance, outreach, mission and doing the work of God. The world says do not bring your best to God. Instead, bring what has mass appeal. It is popular so it must be good. And that is exactly what we are doing, and what we think we are supposed to do. I wonder, though, if this does not come from a worldview that does not see Christ at the center of Scripture, and, hence Christ at the center of our lives as we live and breathe, and, instead, comes from a worldview that says Jesus died for me, I am a Christian, now lets get on with the main point of Scripture, God's promise to Israel of an earthly kingdom and let's do some kingdom building to create the circumstances that will bring Jesus back to establish His kingdom on earth. In the former, Christ defines our identity and everything depends on Him and what He does. Holy Scripture is alive to work in and through us to make us who we are, to lead us to the foot of the Cross and to receive the forgiveness of sins, and life through the Word and Sacraments. The focus is on the saving work of Christ and the power of the Word. In the latter worldview, everything depends on me. The main purpose and plan of God is kingdom-building for His chosen people, Israel. We can choose to join in this work, giving our lives to Christ, and set about the work of getting people saved and protecting Israel so they can live in Jesus' earthly kingdom which He will establish for His people, Israel. Sacred Scripture does not have the same life giving power, and is, instead, an instruction manual telling us how to live a God-pleasing life, and telling us about the promises of God for Israel and the blessings He wants to give us. The focus is on this life and receiving blessings now. Not the Cross. Not the empty tomb. What really matters is what I do, and I have the power to do it.
Another assumption is that, to be a Christian you have to show others that you are. And to know that others are Christians you have to have common, spiritual experiences — you have to feel something, feel different than before — we have to feel the presence of God in our lives. Emotions convey feelings that are personal to you. Music can express what you feel inside in ways that words cannot. CCM can tap into those inner feelings, and it is used to do just that. The most telling observation that Mumford relates is the powerful feeling that one gets at a rock concert with big screens, lights flashing, screeching guitars, booming bass, thumping drum beats causing us to sway in unison, raising our lighters and joining our voices and flickering flames with the band. Very moving, powerful. And that is what the music is designed to do — to inspire, to move, to tap into your feelings and emotions. It is designed to evoke a subjective experience in me that hopefully others will also experience at the same time. We are united because of this emotional feeling shared through the music, through the shoe, and through the band. And there is the rub. We cede power over ourselves to the music — "So I'll stand with arms held high and heart abandoned, In awe of the one who gave it all; So I'll stand my soul Lord to You surrendered — All I am is yours" — and ultimately to the band that is playing the music despite what the lyrics say — they are usually less important and serve the music in evoking that emotional experience. For CCM it is the power of the music that inspires you, that brings you closer to God. If a CCM song can touch your life and cause you to emote, it is evidence that you are a Christian. But our emotions betray us. We get carried away with them, and they lead us into some awful things — crimes of passion, cult experiences, bad relationships, addiction, despair, emptiness, loneliness. It is quite prophetic that our Declaration of Independence penned more than 230 years ago recognizes emotional experience as a — if not the — driving force for man when it holds as a self-evident truth the right of all men to "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." That feeling that emotion of happiness. Do we ever really attain it? Can we ever capture that feeling and hold on to it? Or are we always chasing it? And what happens when the music stops? I suppose we have to keep coming back to church for the music to feel closer to God.
The point of this post is not to say that CCM is intrinsically bad or that its proponents have bad intentions. The compass, however, is not pointing true north to the Cross of Christ. Instead, it is fixed squarely on me, my emotions, and my subjective experience, and the band's power to evoke that experience through means such as light and video shows, rhythmic music following a specified formula. Rather than letting the culture define who we are, let Christ give us our identity. To be relevant to the culture does not mean the church must embrace it or become the culture. The church should always be an outsider in this world. The church is a haven, a place where people step outside of the mundane, everyday world, and into the sacred Kingdom of God. Everything we do inside of the church should show that we are indeed different. For we are strangers in a strange land, aliens here. But we are all a royal priesthood, sons and daughters of the King of kings, not just rock star royalty and groupies.
God also demands that we approach Him in the right way. He demands that, as royalty, we give Him our best, and we present our best to the world. Remember the story of Cain and Abel? Aaron's sons who had just been ordained as priests? Ananias and Sapphira? Should we treat our worship services like any other event we attend any other day of the week? Or is this truly a special occasion, a special day when we gather on the Lord's Day? Paul rebuked the Corinthians for how they were treating the Lord's Day, and specifically the Eucharist. They too were only doing what the culture around them demanded. Yet Paul reminded them that when they gather together that they gather as one body in the very presence of Christ among them, sharing a common meal, and making a common confession. To be divided and to be focused elsewhere other than on Christ is to deny His very presence among us. Paul also scolded them not to eat food sacrificed to idols lest they lead those weaker in the faith astray. Just because we have freedom in the Gospel does not mean we should embrace all things or do all things. You do not want to cause someone to stumble in their faith or divide the body of Christ. With freedom comes responsibility, not anarchy as we often like to think. That white robe we wear is not our own, but it is the gift of Christ, washed by Him in His very blood. And it is this that we present to the world and to one another — Christ and His blood shed for us.
Music has always been an important component of worship and recognized as a tool that serves as a medium to convey the Gospel. But it has never been recognized as a means of grace or as a sacrament. Music is a servant, and where it is used in the Church it must be used to carry and convey the message of the Gospel. CCM has a place in the life of the church, but not, as Mumford concludes, to the exclusion of all other music and the traditions of the Church. It can and should present its best alongside of all other music that has served as a medium to convey the Gospel message. But it is Christ and the Message that are of utmost importance — NOT the music.
Posted on July 15, 2011, in Worship and tagged Contemporary Christian music, Contemporary worship music. Bookmark the permalink.	5 Comments.
Andrew Grams | July 15, 2011 at 2:53 pm
The Lutheranism 101 Luther Quote of the Day: "You should not believe your conscience and your feelings more than the word which the Lord who receives sinners preaches to you."
Craig Fiebiger | July 19, 2011 at 6:40 am
Great article Andrew. Although I "enjoy" worship music, it is not the medium which brings me personally closer to Christ, but rather the old hymns. For me personally, I believe the church should use them to bring in seekers in those types of services. I guess I have seen the ccm songs and what they have brought the past 30 years and have enough time to evalute the situation and it is to those kind of services they should be delegated. Then it leaves the old worship services for those that are mature in the faith. Many would disagree, but this is only my opinion.
Good points Craig. I like the old hymns too, but I also like good contemporary music with a substantive message. Question, though, can you have a separate seeker service? Would it be a worship service? In the early church, initiates/catechumens were dismissed from the service after the service of the Word. They were not allowed to participate in the divine mystery of the Lord's Supper until they had been appropriately catechized and baptized. We do not now wait to Baptize a person, but in the early church the seekers were not separated. I don't know what the music was like, but I assume there was not separate music for it.
If we look at this from the seeker angle, the fundamental question that seems to be bubbling to the surface is how do we do mission and outreach in today's culture? Is it through the power of attraction? Is it to let the culture define the terms of the discussion? We need to find points of communication with the culture at large using the timeless message of the Gospel. If we are going to use it in our Worship Service, how can we use this medium in a way that is faithful to the Gospel and our calling to disciple others?
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Oooh! will we get an Egg tonight?
Edit: Looks like male in the corner!
I do wish they would not sit in the bottom corner,or hide out of view Doh!!!
Nick Dixon told me today that Jason Fathers of Wildlife Windows put a plank of wood at the cam end to deter nesting there but they still go out of sight!
Just caught the end of this little feeding session Awh!


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Q: Possible to create a combo graph containing line and bar just been tasked to create a bar chart with a line going across it for a dataset. I was wondering whether it is possible to have 2 or more line graphs going across a stacked bar graph?
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Lisa Corine Von Koch
Lisa Corine von Koch (the Baroness Elsa von) is an artist, yogi and educator raised in the wild desert of Moab, Utah. There can be no denying the profound influence the vivid landscape and lifestyle has had on her, making her an intrepid adventurer when it comes to making artwork. As a Ceremonial Documenter who fully inhabits the work she creates, Lisa blurs the lines between art and life, fluidly toying with identity and ritual, performance and visual art. She believes whole-heartedly in doing it in the real world, beginning her drawings beyond the edge of cliffs, at the tops of mountains, on the dance floor, and completing them in The Eclipse, her studio sanctuary. She creates images that celebrate her Tribe of dirtbag saints/seekers, BASE jumpers, highliners, yogis, dancers, and fantastic animals in a luminous and rugged landscape. Lisa currently teaches drawing courses at Metropolitan State University of Denver.
lisacorinevonkoch.com

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The hull of the first Royal Falcon Fleet RFF 135 (www.royalfalconfleet.com) arrived in Sweden in April, where it will be completed prior to its expected launch next spring. The 135- foot catamaran is the inaugural boat from Royal Falcon Fleet, which formed in 2007 as a collaboration between Swedish shipyard Kockums, Australian naval-architecture firm Incat Crowther, and Austria's Porsche Design Studio. Reflecting its Porsche roots, the RFF 135 will be able to reach speeds as fast as 35 knots, while its 41-foot width will allow for more than 7,000 square feet of interior and exterior space. Pricing for the boat, which is made to order, starts at about $43 million.


I am a photographer living in New York City. I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis in 2008 and have decided to start a portrait project of people who have RA and other autoimmune diseases. My hope for this project is that I can let everyone know that there are a lot of younger people out there who are dealing with these chronic, often painful, illnesses. Also, I think it is very important for the newly diagnosed to be able to see all of these beautiful, happy faces and know that they are not the only one. Working on this project makes me feel like we are all in this together and that none of us has to go through it alone.
She has started a portrait project of people who have an autoimmune disease (rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, ankylosing spondylitis, fibromyalgia, celiac disease, hashimoto's disease, etc.). Often, these diseases strike people at a young age and are chronic. We don't usually look sick, but they never really go away. There are so many people out there who are struggling with these health issues, and the general public doesn't really understand.


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Planting For 50 Donated Alamo Square Trees Breaks Ground
Workers planting a Monterey Cypress. (Images: TS Studio Landscape Architects)
Thu. October 20, 2016, 4:18pm
by Stephen Jackson
@talktojackson
Alamo Square, Divisadero, Fillmore, Hayes Valley, Lower Haight
Back in June, we reported that the Alamo Square Neighborhood Association had reached its $50,000 fundraising goal for donating over 100 trees to Alamo Square Park, which is currently undergoing a massive renovation. ASNA pledged to match funds up to the $50,000 mark, and the organization reportedly ended up raising over $130,000 before all was said and done.
Today and tomorrow mark the first phase of planting for said trees, and about 50 are set to go in the ground throughout the park.
"It's been a great experience to rally the neighborhood around the park we all love," said ASNA's John Dallas. "Raising the money was the easy part, and when the Alamo Square Neighborhood Association matched the first $50,000, we knew it was going to be a successful program."
"The gifts of $20 and $30 are really touching... [all] from neighbors who believe that planting trees and continuing the legacy of this beloved space is a worthwhile endeavor," Dallas said.
The fundraiser was created to address the fact that 60 of Alamo Square's trees have died over the past five years. Ultimately, the group hopes to plant 150 to 300 trees in their place. Here's a copy of the plan:
ASNA's gift "is kind of unique," said Dallas. "It's more like a trust fund then a one-off check. We are donating not only the money to buy the trees, but a thoughtful 42-page report prepared by TS Studio Landscape Architects that lines out what species to plant, where to place them, and what year they should go in."
The project will encompass a wide variety of trees, all intended to serve different purposes for parkgoers. For example, Monterey cypresses and canary island pines will serve as wind buffers.
Other species to be planted during this phase include canyon live oaks, Japanese cherry trees, weeping willows, big-leaf maples, and California bay laurels Catalina ironwoods, New Zealand Christmas trees, evergreen oak trees, kauri, and totara trees. A complete copy of the reforestation plan is available here.
At the end of September, the park was reportedly about halfway through its renovation, and slated for a March 2017 reopening. We'll keep you posted as more park-related details emerge.
For more details on the Trees For Future Generations Program, visit alamosquaretrees.com.
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In this article, we interviewed Chiah Yian "Shyenne" Yo, who recently was promoted to assume global responsibility for the Global Laboratory Support Services (GLSS) Lab Process & Training Support Team (LPTS) and the Database Set up & Support Team (DBSS). She discussed her career path, opportunities at Covance and the importance of mentoring.
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SolutionsBrowse by Line of BusinessAsset ManagementOverviewEnvironment, Health, and SafetyAsset NetworkAsset Operations and MaintenanceCommerceOverviewSubscription Billing and Revenue ManagementMaster Data Management for CommerceOmnichannel CommerceFinanceOverviewAccounting and Financial CloseCollaborative Finance OperationsEnterprise Risk and ComplianceFinancial Planning Cheers Sarah *Archives: http://Groups.ITtoolbox.com/g/sap-r3-acct.asp *Manage Subscriptions: http://My.ITtoolbox.com *Leave Group: mailto:[email protected] *Need Subscription Help? petekear replied Jan 19, 2007 Hi Sarah, I'm having a similar problem. To see the negative book value check box, you will have to first activate it in the screen layout.
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This pop-up window lets you select your desired depreciation areas for asset impairment. Set the company codestatus to "1"Asset data transfer not yet completed. 2. The latest date you can run this transaction code is the last business day of a financial year. The asset year closing for the previous year is not done.
Now you can set up currency for additional depreciation areas through transaction code OAYH (menu path: IMG → Financial Acctg → Asset Accounting → Valuation → Currencies → Define Depreciation Areas Generated Fri, 11 Nov 2016 12:27:30 GMT by s_wx1194 (squid/3.5.20) The system gives this type of error when the asset master was not properly maintained. This web site is not sponsored by, affiliated with, or approved by SAP SE.
SAP ERROR LOG life is something else in SAP . The new depreciation key uses period control '003' which is 01/06/02/02. This error generally appears after posting the unplanned depreciation when the net book value of those assets after considering the planned depreciation becomes negative. If the assets are purchased after the 15th of a month, then no depreciation for the month of purchase is calculated.
As a result, the user is unable to specify the depreciation key and life of an asset. 1. When this is the case, the system expects that certain required fields are not maintained. Any suggestions on a solution or work around? Issue No - 31 SAP-Error Message AA662SYST: You cannot change the depreciation periods massage No.


text:
New Jersey Historical Society
FRELINGHUYSEN, Frederick (1753-1804)
FRELINGHUYSEN, FREDERICK, a Delegate and a Senator from New Jersey; born near Somerville, Somerset County, N.J., April 13, 1753; graduated from the College of New Jersey (now Princeton University) in 1770; studied law; admitted to the bar in 1774 and commenced practice in Somerset County, N.J.; member, provincial congress of New Jersey 1775-1776; served in the Revolutionary War, attaining the rank of colonel; Member of the Continental Congress 1779; clerk of the common pleas court, Somerset County 1781-1789, when he resigned; member, State general assembly 1784, 1800-1804; member of the New Jersey convention that ratified the Federal Constitution in 1787; member, State council 1790-1792; appointed by President George Washington brigadier general in 1790 in the campaign against the western Indians; elected to the United States Senate and served from March 4, 1793, to November 12, 1796, when he resigned; commissioned major general in 1794 during the Whiskey Rebellion; died in Millstone, N.J., April 13, 1804; interment in the Old Cemetery, Weston, N.J.
Papers: Correspondence in John Insley Blair papers, 1830-1896; Edwin A. Ely autograph collection 1663-1890; Kinney family papers, 1783-1900; Joseph P. Bradley papers, 1836-1937; Horace N. Congar papers, 1863-1905; Walter N. Eastburn papers, 1743-1956; Robert S. Green papers, 1863-1888; Peter Dumont Vroom papers, 1820-1893; Marcus L. Ward papers, 1683-1912; and correspondence and documents in Frelinghuysen family papers, 1815-1924. Finding aid.
Rutgers University Libraries
Papers: 6 items (1777-1799) in political papers, 1755-1972; and Frelinghuysen family papers, 1727-1906 (bulk 1727-1825). Also portraits.
Historical Office
Papers: January 3, 1794-June 10, 1796. 61 letters. Typed transcriptions of originals in the custody of Peter H. B. Frelinghuysen. Mainly sentimental communications from Frelinghuysen to Miss Nancy Yard (Mrs. Ann Frelinghuysen) from the field and later the Senate floor.


NEW Histotech OR Histology Technician OR HT opening at a mid-size general medical and surgical hospital in Southern New York! This hospital is a part of an award winning hospital system and prides itself on offering the most technologically up-to-date methods of diagnostics and treatment. This hospital is committed to delivering patient-centered quality health care in a healing environment, and the hospital's compassionate staff provides attentively to the needs of patients and their families. This hospital has a full range of services including (but not limited to) primary care, urgent care, cardiovascular|heart care, breast surgery, oncology, behavioral health, rheumatology, pulmonary, critical care and sleep services.
This is a permanent, full time Histotech opening. For consideration applicants MUST have his or her Clinical Laboratory Technologist (CLT) OR Histology License (HT). If not licensed, NYS permit required within two months of hire. An Associates Degree in Histology or a related field is also required. HT OR HTL ASCP Certification preferred. Compensation includes a highly competitive hourly rate, great benefits and relocation assistance or a sign on bonus! Benefits include medical, dental, vision benefits; generous PTO; 403(b) retirement plan; Tuition reimbursement; Life Insurance; Flexible Spending accounts, College Savings plan and Tuition Reimbursement!


On July 11th,2017, Ken Steven's VP of Healthcare at Intelliware will be speaking at the Inaugural HL7 FHIR talk at Ryerson University's Ted Rogers School of Management. Ken will be discussing; A FHIR roadmap for Canada: How we got here and a realistic path forward.
In attendance will be professionals involved in health informatics in an operational capacity from government, hospitals and local vendors. Confirmed speakers include Gavin Tong: Associate Managing Partner, Architecture and Standards Branch at Gevity, Dan Gottlieb: Technical Lead, SMART Health IT Project and Boston Children's Hospital Computational Health Informatics Program, David Thomas: Vice President, TELUS Health, James Agnew: CTO, Smile CDR and Duncan Weatherston: COO, Smile CDR.
Ken is the Vice President of Healthcare at Intelliware Development. Ken also serves on the Board of ITAC Health, Canada's industry association of healthcare IT companies. Ken leads the Interoperability and Standards Committee for ITAC Health. Last year, this committee published a position paper on where industry wants to see interoperability standards go in Canada. If you have any questions, feel free to contact Dr. Stevens at ken.stevens@intelliware.ca or 416 576 4096.


Finite capacity planning and scheduling ensures that your capacity is taken into account from the moment you start to plan. It means that anything that could potentially constrain the production process, such as people, machine capacities, tooling, and material availability, is factored into the schedule, resulting in a much more accurate calculation of your throughput capability.
Seiki Core Scheduler allows you to create a realistic model of your capacity by defining the key factors such as resources, individual workplace efficiency, shift times and calendars. It helps you to work leaner.
Stock levels are reduced as materials are only ordered when required, improving cash flow.
Operations are only scheduled when resources are available, reducing work in progress and avoiding bottlenecks in production.
The resulting efficiency and productivity improvements also mean you can avoid unnecessary subcontracting.
Your available capacity can be dynamically updated within the planning board. Reducing or increasing the number of available hours of each resource directly on the plan allows you to immediately see the impact of the change, which is essential when reacting to unexpected events, such as machine breakdowns or staff absence. With critical delivery dates to be met, this extra time to problem solve can be a significant advantage. It also means you can maintain a positive, open line of communication with your customer regarding the current status of their job.
Finite doesn't mean you're restricted to a short term view. The advantage of having a dynamic system combined with a comprehensive capacity model provides a more reliable view of future availability. This has company wide benefits as it supports strategic business planning and forecasting. As a decision support tool Seiki Core Scheduler can help you maintain the balance between demand and capacity.
With the Seiki Core Scheduler you can be confident that you are always working with the latest information.


Hitachi HVB, Inc. | Network Directory : Hitachi in the U.S.A.
Hitachi HVB, Inc. offers you the complete experience – from manufacturing and product development to support services. We are global suppliers of electrical equipment that meets the highest safety standards and is easy to use.
Hitachi is credited with the design of the world's first environmentally-friendly high-voltage vacuum circuit breaker. It is cost-efficient and allows the release of insulating dry air into the atmosphere without any adverse effects.
The featured map is internet generated and should be used to "take directions" only.
What is Hitachi Social Innovation?
NEXT 2017 by Hitachi. Lead What's Next.


The work of Paul Manship and other artists from the Art Deco movement helped me to conceive and shape the works I produced for the exhibit From Starfield to MARS: Paul Manship and His Artistic Legacy. This exhibit is on view at the Addison Gallery in Andover, MA September 15, 2018 – January 20, 2019.
One of the pleasures of doing this commission came with learning about a period that I did not know much about before- Beyond Art Deco my research spread over to earlier art styles that influenced artists during this period such as The Arts and Crafts movement, Art Nouveau and the Bauhaus. Further looking led me to consider Navajo weaving, African sculpture, Tibetan Mandalas and other art forms that were powerful material to many artists in Manship's generation. In my case I hungrily mashed up many of these historical styles to come up with what I am showing here.
In my oblique response to Manship I tried try to come up with something I had not made before. My photographic constructions use Cliché Verge techniques -applying ink on glass to draw patterns and shapes much like Corot and Millet did in the 19thcentury. In my pictures, I used plants, geometrical designs and painting .I digitally scanned these glass plates to come up with the large prints you see here. In a couple of pictures I made use of photograms, the earliest and simplest photographic technique that Fox Talbot and Anna Atkins came up with in the 1840's. I should say that, apart from the digital scanning, all of the works shown were hand shaped and drawn –this way of working allowed me to feel a tactile pleasure usually not present in the photographic process.
Many artists look back to older art for ideas, and inspiration, my images benefited from doing just that. Guided by pictorial ideas of pattern and design from the popular art of the 1920's and 1930's inspired me to create these new decorative pieces grounded in formal experimentation, invention and abstraction.


text:
David Maxwell Fenbury (24 March 1916 – 14 May 1976) was an Australian public servant who spent most of his career in the Territory of Papua and New Guinea.

Biography
Fenbury was born David Maxwell Fienberg in the Subiaco suburb of Perth in 1916, the third child of railway official David Percival Fienberg and Beatrice Amelia (née Conroy). He attended Christian Brothers' College in Perth and the University of Western Australia, graduating with a degree in Arts in 1937. Whilst at university he edited the university magazine, the Pelican.

In 1937 Fenbury became a cadet patrol officer in the Territory of New Guinea. He joined the Australian Imperial Force in 1941, becoming a lieutenant the following year when he joined the Australian New Guinea Administrative Unit. For the next three years he led guerilla operations against the Japanese invaders, during which time he was promoted to captain, mentioned in dispatches and awarded the Military Cross.

In 1946 Fenbury was seconded to the British Colonial Office to gain knowledge of colonial administration. He was posted to in Tanganyika, where he learned about the village council system.

On 15 May 1948, at St Mark's Anglican Church, East Brighton, Melbourne, Fenbury married Joan Marion Brazier; the couple had two children. He returned to Papua New Guinea the same year and was given responsibility for implementing a new system of local government. In 1954 he moved to Port Moresby and was appointed a District Commissioner in 1955.

In 1956 he was the Australian government's nominee to the secretariat of the Trusteeship Council of the United Nations, a role he held for two years, before returning to Papua and New Guinea to become Secretary to the Department of the Administrator in 1960. In the same year changed his surname from Fienberg to Fenbury by deed poll. After his first wife died in 1964, he married Helen Mary Shiels in a civil ceremony in Port Moresby in May 1966.

In 1969 he was appointed Secretary of the new Department of Social Development and Home Affairs, where he remained until retiring in 1973. The following year he took on a visiting fellowship at the Australian National University. He started writing a book, Practise without policy, completing six chapters before his death. The book was published posthumously in 1978.

Fenbury died on 14 May 1976 from injuries received as a result of being hit by a bus in Leederville, a suburb of Perth. He was survived by his wife, and his two children from his first marriage.

References

1916 births
People from Perth, Western Australia
People educated at Christian Brothers' College, Perth
Australian public servants
Australian Army personnel of World War II
Australian recipients of the Military Cross
Territory of New Guinea people
Territory of Papua and New Guinea people
Papua New Guinean civil servants
Burials at Karrakatta Cemetery
1976 deaths
Australian Army officers
Road incident deaths in Western Australia

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaWikipedia


Aspect is delighted to announce that the company has been listed as one of the Sunday Times Best Small Companies to Work for 2017. Aspect also achieved three star accreditation from Best Companies. This is the highest standard of employee engagement and the rating recognises organisations that excel.
The listing comes after a survey of employees and demonstrates the commitment Aspect has had since its founding in 1997 to building a world-class team.
Aspect's highest score in the survey came for its encouragement of charitable causes which reinforces one of Aspect's core values, being community minded.
Aspect is always looking for new ways to make the company a great place to work and will continue to look for areas to improve. This year's listing provides further indication of the team culture that has been fostered and is highly valued within the business.
The list was announced on Wednesday 22nd February at a ceremony in London.


text:
Q: Fortify Scan raising vulnerabilities for d3 v3.5.17 We have a application which is raising vulnerabilities when passing via fortify scan
Files - d3.min.js - verison 3.5.17
D3 version link  - Please check line number 9545
function d3_html(request) {
    var range = d3_document.createRange();
    range.selectNode(d3_document.body);
    return range.createContextualFragment(request.responseText);
  }

The above function is giving vulnerabilities:
1. "Read request.responseText" is one of them
2. "createContextualFragment()" points to other one
I tried to copy the file and keep it in my project folder instead of node_modules and manipulated the code inside the function like below but no luck(i was not 100% sure of the code change)
function d3_html(request) {
    var range = d3_document.createRange();
    range.selectNode(d3_document.body);

    var scrubbedText = (request && request.responseText) ? request.responseText : "";
    var contextFragment = range.createContextualFragment(scrubbedText)
    return contextFragment;
  }

Please help me out if someone has faced the same issue or knows the resolution


The men's leather vest has gained some speed when it comes to recognition for a quantity of factors such as the reality that they are fashionable, the go nicely with the rest of the biker's outfit, and they can offer an extra layer of warmth on a motorcycle trip in occasions when a full out motorcycle jacket might be too a lot.
One of the greatest factors that the men's leather vest has become so popular is because of the fact that they bring a higher level of style and class to the table, and they help incorporate a small bit more of the fantastic leather appear into the rider's wardrobe which is frequently what bikers are going for when they buy this type of product. They sort of help the express the rider's dedication to the motorcycle business and show how devoted they are to becoming a biker. Maybe an person just likes to exactly where leather clothing as well, which is also a valid reason that 1 may purchase a men's leather vest.
An additional purpose that numerous purchase men's leather vests is simply because of the elevated level of comfort that they can offer on these cool motorcycle trips. Occasionally it can get so cold on the motorcycle that a jacket just does not do the trick when trying to stay warm. This is where a vest would come into play in provided added warmth to the rider. They produce another protective layer underneath the jacket and because the leather is frequently occasions fairly thick, it assists trap in heat which in turn keeps the rider warm. Men's leather vests also come in handy when you require an additional layer for warmth, but don't fairly require to go so far as putting on a jacket simply because that would make you as well warm. Vests are made to cover the torso only, which is the most essential region when it comes to keeping your physique warm on a motorcycle trip simply because it is the most exposed region, particularly if you don't have a windshield on your motorcycle.
Lastly, if you're searching for that final piece of leather to total your wardrobe, then the vest is just what you require. You might be searching to have a total leather outfit including boots, chaps, jacket and vest. You might even go so far as to buy a leather hat as nicely. If you are searching for a total leather wardrobe, then the men's leather vest is just 1 piece of the puzzle that you might be missing.
You can shop for men's leather vests online or at your nearby motorcycle shop. Vests come in a quantity of various designs so make certain you take your time to find the ideal vest for you in the size that fit's the best. You will be glad you took your time and will be able to appreciate your vest for years to come.
This page was last modified on 17 February 2018, at 01:35.


text:
newspaperwallpapermaterialpapyrussheetlineneditorialcoverchinadocumentparchmentwoodpagereportarticle
Paper Jokes
A man saw a gorgeous flight attendant sitting alone reading the paper in an international airport.
He couldn't quite pin down the exact airline, but he wanted to show off as a man of the world. He tried by saying Air France's old motto. 'Making the sky the best place on earth!' The stewardess gave him the side eye but otherwise ignored him. Undeterred, he tried Singapore Airlines'. 'A great way t...
I saw an add in the paper for a job at a mirror factory and I thought...
...now that's something I could see myself doing.
I got some sudoku toilet paper.
Sadly I can't complete it, since I can only fill it with 1's and 2's.
what does captain Kirk have in common with toilet paper?
They both go to Uranus to get the Klingons
I submitted almost a dozen jokes to my local paper, hoping one of them would win a spot on the front page, but...
No pun in ten did
An old man calls his son and says, "Listen, your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty-five years of misery is enough."
"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," he says. "I'm sick of her face, and I'm sick of talking about this, so call your sister and tell her," and he hangs up.
Now, the son is worried. He calls his sister. She says, "Like...
I saw my math teacher walking down the corridor holding some graph paper.
I thought, "he's plotting something".
Why is the USS Enterprise like toilet paper?
It circles Uranus and wipes out any Klingons.
Communism sounds good on paper...
...unless you're reading a history book.
Rock, paper and scissors have entered a race.
Rock has begun to roll, but paper and scissors remain stationery.
A horny gorilla sees a lion bent over a small stream, taking a drink
The gorilla runs up behind the lion, grabs on, and has his way with him. The gorilla then takes off running, with the very angry lion on his heels. As they run through the jungle, the gorilla gets a bit of a lead, and sees a British safari camp ahead.
The gorilla enters the camp, grabs some k...
What does starship enterprise and toilet paper have in common?
They both circle Uranus looking for clingons
Now what I don't get are these people who, instead of buying a four-pack or an eight-pack of toilet paper, they buy the single individual roll;
are you trying to quit?
Toilet Paper Miracle
Just found this joke in a pile of my late father's belongings…
Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror, complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling her it's not so, the husband uncharacteristically comes up with a
su...
I'm not having much luck with jobs lately.
I wasn't suited to be a tailor.
The muffler factory was just exhausting.
I couldn't cut it as a barber.
I didn't have the patience to be a doctor.
I wasn't a good fit in the shoe factory even though I put my soul into it.
The paper shop folded. Pool maintenance...
A friend and I were buried in an avalanche skiing. We played rock-paper-scissors to keep our sanity.
I won in a landslide.
A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read
HUSBAND WANTED! MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's), MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME, AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman with no arms or l...
A young girl.
A young girl, who was writing a paper for school, came to her father and asked...
"Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?"
The father replied, "It is mostly a matter of degree."
"Let me show you what I mean... "
With that, the father went to the tele...
The bathroom had no toilet paper, and all I had to use was the money in my pocket.
So I did what had to be done.
It was tough, and a little messy.
But for a clean ass?
it was the best 43 cents i'd ever spent.
Whenever John's daughter was sad, he found out to cheer her up he'd put out some paper and crayons.
After about fifteen minutes, his daughter would be all right again. But lately, she has been very clingy. So leaving the paper and crayons on the table didn't work when she wasn't happy.
"Tell you what," John said, "If I'm gonna be carrying you now more often, I will give you a shoulder to ...
My mama always said life was like tissue paper
You're either on a roll. Or you're taking shit from people.
My paper airplane will not fly..
Well it is just stationery!
An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel...
and came upon a casket containing a mummy, a rather rare occurrence in Israel, to say the least. After examining it, he called Abe, the curator of the Israel museum in Jerusalem.
"I've just discovered a 3,000 year old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!" the excited scientist exclaimed....
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road
It got stuck in a crack
After my retirement from the company I worked at for 45 years, I looked forward to some relaxation time, but my wife had other ideas...
... she insisted I take her to the local shopping centre every day.
Like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and out.
She's like most women - loves to browse & leaves me with endless time to fulfill.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter,...
Why did Will Smith slap Chris instead of punching him?
Everybody knows paper beats rock
Be afraid, very afraid
Lawyers should never ask a Georgia grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand.
He approached her and asked,
\- "Mrs. Jones, do you know ...
As part of my path to enlightenment, I buy my toilet paper from the dollar store.
It helps me get in touch with my inner self.
A drunk stumbles into a confessional. The priest hears him come in, but then he doesn't hear anything, so the priest knocks on the wall. The drunk says, "Forget it, buddy, there's no toilet paper in this one, either! "
An unemployed guy sees an ad in the paper that says "Photographer wanted for Miami-based luxury bikini line". Thinking it to be a joke, the guy calls the number in the ad.
"Hello," he says. "Is that photographer ad a joke?"
"No," says the voice on the other line. "One of our photographers died suddenly last week, and we're looking for a new one."
"Cool! I've been looking for a new job for a while, and this seems like it could be a very fine job for me."<...
Why is the never any toilet paper at KFC?
It's finger lickin good!
I used to write my best ideas on toilet paper
That was a tearrible idea
For any collectors out there, I saw an ad in the paper for a WWII French Rifle
The ad read "in good condition. Never fired. Dropped once."
The Captain called the Sergeant in...
"Sarge, I just got a telegram that Smith's mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me."
So, the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops.
"Listen up, men," says the Sergeant, "Johnson report to Personnel to sign some papers.
My wife bought a toilet brush.
I tried it. Too rough. I'm going back to using toilet paper.
Rock, paper and scissors were fired as recruitment officers
They only gave hand jobs
So a man was playing golf...
So this dude was out playing golf on a Sunday. About half way through the first 9 holes, he forgets what hole he is on so he asks a lady in front of him, "hey miss, sorry to bother you, but I've forgotten what hole I am on, and you are on the hole in front of me, would you mind telling me what hole ...
I was reading a research paper on why there's such a high child mortality rate in China.
Apparently it's something to do with the youth in Asia.
A drunk man who smelled like beer
sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Sa...
There's new offshoot of the Catholic Church that worships a paper bag as the divine manifestation of the One, True God.
It's pretty sack-religious.
I advertised a python for sale in the paper
a man rang up and said "What size is it?"
I replied "It's quite big"
"How many feet?" he asked,
"None, it's a snake..."
how do frogs share a piece of paper?
They rippit
To the genius who invented 1ply toilet paper....
I wanna shake your hand.
A research paper should be like a women's skirt.
Short enough to keep my attention, but long enough to cover the subject.
Just seen an advert in the paper...MATHS TEACHER NEEDED...£45,000-£50,000.
So I rang them up and said, "The answer is £5,000." Stupid fucks.
One ply toilet paper is the John Wayne of butt-wipe.
Every roll is the same: square, white, two dimensional, but rough as hell and don't take shit off nobody.
The Cigars and the Tampons
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles, looking at many things. After some time passes, the sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few ...
A young blonde, out of money and down on her luck, needed some quick cash. Desperate, she decided to kidnap a child and hold it for ransom…
She went to the local playground, randomly grabbed a kid, took him behind a nearby building, and in a stern voice she told him, "You've been kidnapped, ...
So I came up with this really bad joke about paper.
It was tearable
She wants to open an account
One day, a raggedy looking woman carrying a large paper bag walks into the bank and asks to see the bank manager.
The receptionist is hesitant, but when she sees the large amount of cash in the bag, she escorts the lady into the manager's office. The raggedy old lady says she'd like to open ...
I look like a cop but I'm actually a stoner...
I went to the convience store the other day to get rolling papers. I said to the clerk, "Papers, please." He gets upset and yells "Hey man I'm a citizen!"
What kind of paper is always thirsty?
An Older woman got pulled over for speeding:
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for ...
Why does everyone hate thin paper?
Because it's tearable
A woman puts an ad in the paper for a new husband
After many years in an unsuccessful marriage, a woman puts an ad for a new husband in the paper. She says she's looking for a man who won't hit her, run around on her, and is good in bed.
The next day, the doorbell rings. She answers it, and to her surprise, a man without arms or legs is sitt...
A rich man dies and his three sons inherit his estate
One's a doctor, one's a lawyer, and one's a priest. His dying request to the three of them is that, to show their gratitude for all the money he's leaving them, he wants each to take out $10,000 and put it in his coffin. The day of the funeral comes, and each of the sons dutifully puts a paper bag i...
I was confused when my printer started making music
Until i realized the paper was... jamming.
The kidnap
A blonde is running a little short of cash, so she goes to the playground and kidnaps Johnny.
She takes him to her home and writes a note:
\- "If you want to see Johnny again, leave $10,000 in unmarked bills in a plain paper bag by the merry-go-round at the playground by 8 AM tomorro...
An Accountant's secret to success.
An accountant in a big firm had a very strange habit. Every morning he used to open his drawer, look at a paper, place the paper back in the drawer and then lock it again.
The trainees were very curious and often wondered if his success was hidden on that piece of paper.
So one day, w...
Fancy Toilet paper names
A big chief of a native american tribe had heard of a new invention of the white man called toilet paper, and he wanted to try it out so he sends a runner to a general store in town to buy some. The runner gets to the store and says "Need toilet paper for big chief.", to which the clerk replied, "Wh...
I was shocked...
I was shocked to read in the papers today that a short person had been pickpocketed. I just thought to myself "How could someone stoop so low?"
The Drunk and a priest
On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.
Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:
"Do you know what arthritis is?"
The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:
"It's a ...
A Japanese sailor sent out an SOS call.
Just as he is sinking a small boat from the Vladivostok coastguard arrives. Four men greet him and help him onboard.
The first gives him a towel. The sailor dries himself and tries to thank the man, but neither speak each others language very well. The second gives him a warm military jacket...
Two ladies, neighbors, go out for drinks one night. The cocktails taste great and when it's time to go home they decide to walk as they both had too much to drink. At some point during the walk they both have to pee really urgently. There isn't a bathroom nearby, but a little later they pass by a ce...
There is new innovation for single ply toilet paper
It features breakthrough technology
A couple moves into an apartment and decides to paper the living room.
They ask their neighbor, who has the same size living room, if he had ever papered his room and how many rolls he bought. The neighbor answers "Eleven".
So the couple buys 11 rolls of expensive wall paper and gets to work. To their surprise, after 8 rolls the living room is finished. Annoyed,...
I wrote down the names of all the people I hate, but my roommate used the paper to roll up his joint.
Now he's high on the list of people I never want to see again.
Here's a simple trick to follow if you are caught in the wilderness without toilet paper.
Just take a leaf out of Bear Grylls' book.
I think I really connected with my inner self today…
That's the last time I use cheap toilet paper.
A Newfoundlander shows up for a job interview in the middle of Alberta.
The foreman can tell right away by how he talks and thinks to himself, "Oh no, I don't want to hire a Newfoundlander.." so he comes up with an idea on the spot;
"Before I hire you, I want to see if you can pass a quick cognitive test. I'll give you a pen and paper, and you try to abstractly d...
A tourist sees a man holding a blank piece of paper in Red Square, Moscow
Confused, he asks the man what he's doing.
The man says "I'm protesting"
"How is anyone supposed to know what you're protesting with that blank sign?" Asks the tourist.
The man scoffs "Ignorant tourists! Why would I need to put that? Everyone already knows what's wrong!"
The old woman's bet
The president of a major international bank is sitting in his office on the top floor of a high rise building when his secretary says an old woman wants to see him and insists that she'd only see him and no one else. He tells her to let her in. The old woman walks in with a suitcase. He shows her th...
So, a Lion goes down to the water hole for a drink...
and a Gorilla hiding in the Jungle thinks it would be funny to run down and fuck the Lion in the ass so the Gorilla does.
And the Lion begins chasing the Gorilla thru the jungle.
The Gorilla runs thru a safari camp and seeing nobody there he runs into a tent and puts on a safari jacket...
I created a prostitute out of paper...
This was the first time I made whorigami.
I hate my job and I hate my company...
"I could tell you 100 things I hate about my company"
"Okay, thats a start, why won´t you write it down on a piece of paper?"
"And then what?"
"Burn it, it might free your mind"
"If you think it helps...sure thing doc"
<<next day>>
"So, did it help with your...
A boss gives an office worker a job to cut a stack of paper in half and leaves...
Half an hour passes and he returns. He wasn't pleased at what he saw.
"I gave you an order to cut the paper in half!"
"That's what I did but you didn't tell me which way," said the office worker, handing his boss sheets of paper twice as numerous but half as thick.
A guy walks into a bar
A guy walks into a bar, orders a beer and spreads out a paper to work on the crossword puzzle. After a while he asks the bartender, "What's another word for an unemployed postman?" "How many letters?" the bartender asks. "Well, zero I guess." the guy replies.
A police officer pulled me over
He walked up to my car and said, "Papers?" to which I replied "Scissors, I win!" and drove off.
I think he wants a rematch because he's been following me for an hour.
A calligrapher died peacefully in his sleep.
He soon woke up in a land of paradise. He spent the next few days exploring. Heaven was exactly as he imagined—pristine rolling hills, golden castles upon cloud tops, reunions with lost loved ones, and endless opportunities to explore one's hobbies. He had access to the finest selection of inks and ...
A stranger rides into a Wild West town and finds it deserted.
All except the saloon, so when he's hitched his hoss to the rail he goes in, orders a beer, and says to the barkeep "Say, where is everyone?"
"They've all gone to hang the Brown Paper Kid," says the barkeep.
" 'Brown Paper Kid' ain't no kinda name for a man," says the newcomer. "What d...
The Boy who Speaks in Coffee
There was once an Italian boy who was born to a pair of baristas. Unfortunately, he was born with a mental defect which meant that his vocabulary would be formed very early, and would be highly associative. As his parents worked around the clock to support their new son, his vocabulary quickly becam...
There's a crippled old beggar on a sidewalk in El Paso with a sign and a paper cup..
A businessman stops, reads the sign that says 'Disabled Vet' and decides to give him a few dollars.
"Look on the bright side," he says. "Things could be worse- you could be blind!"
"I know what you mean.." says the beggar, "When I was blind, people only gave me pesos!"
I read in my local paper this morning about some guy who got caught having sex with a sheep.
I had to read it twice, couldn't believe they spelt my name wrong.
An academic from Oxford University is writing a paper on sheep shagging technique.
Having no personal experience on the subject, he decides to travel across the country and interview farmers from different regions to find out how they shag their sheep.
First, he visits a farmer in Scotland and asks him what his sheep shagging technique is.
"Well laddy, after grabbi...
A girl wants to be a comedian when she grows up.
Her parents are sad she doesn't want to carry on the family farm, but they encourage their daughter to follow her dreams. She's too shy to tell people her puns in person, so she figures out how to share them another way.
The girl takes a bunch of her father's old pasture fence posts and pound...
A pirate walks into his favorite bar with a roll of paper towels on his head
The bartender says " What's with the paper towels Skipper? "
The pirate says " Arr, there be a bounty on me head "
A lawyer, an environmentalist and a teacher were going the bathroom.
The lawyer gets done, washes his hands and uses the entire roll of tissue paper to wipe his hands. "I was taught to be thorough.", he said.
The environmentalist washes his hands and uses his own kerchief to wipe his hands. "I was taught to be environment friendly.", he said.
The teach...
Why did Will use an open hand?
Because paper always beats Rock.
My son came running back from school waving a paper in his hand.
Daddy, Daddy. Look! I got a B in my reading test!
That's a D you idiot.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're definitely plotting something.
I ran out of toilet paper so I started using old newspapers
The Times are rough
Why shouldn't you write a book on penguins?
Because writing on paper is much easier.
It was no wonder there was a toilet paper shortage.
Given the number of assholes in the country.
I saw an advert selling a trained police dog for £25 in the local paper, saw a bargain and bought it.
When the current owner brought it round a mangy mutt jumped out their car.
I said 'There's no way that's a Police dog'
The owner replied 'Don't let looks decieve you, he worked undercover'
A woman placed an ad in a news paper. 'I am looking for a male partner who needs to meet these three requirements.
1. He shouldn't beat me.
2. He shouldn't leave me.
Third and most important.
3. He should be great in bed.
One week later, her door bell rang, and she opened the door to find a man.
The man said, "Hi, I'm Peter. I don't have hands, so I can't beat you. I don't hav...
A national newspaper recently participated in a contest to discover the funniest pun
The paper collected ten different submissions from their staff and submitted all to the contest certain at least a single entry might be good enough to win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
Why can't you use the Daily Mail as toilet paper?
Because it's already covered in shit.
What's the difference between the contents of a man's wallet before and after kids?
Before kids the pictures on the paper in his wallet had faces of presidents on them...
A woman tells her friend: "Hey, yesterday I bought a toilet brush".
Her friend replied: "Alright, so?"
Her: Well I think its great invention, but I'd much rather use toilet paper.
Four monks were called by an abbot for a test of purity. They were asked to drop their robes and stand naked.
The abbot brought four small bells and asked the monks to tie them to their penis. Their task was to stand still and not make the bell ring. The task seemed easy until the abbot brought a super hot model into the room. None of the bells rang ,so the abbot asked the super model to do a strip dance. T...
The ad in the paper said, "You think you're funny? Tell us your best pun, and you'll win a $200 Amazon gift card!"
Well, I just couldn't resist. I sat down and wrote not one, but 10 of my best knee-slappers, rib-ticklers, and witty turns-of-phrase. I sent my list of comedy gold to the paper, and then began daydreaming about what I would do with $200.
The day on which the paper announced the contest winner...
Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven.
At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says "Sisters, you all led such wonderful lives that I'm granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you want to be."
The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren;" and *poof* sh...
A man walks into a bar with a brown paper bag.
He goes to the bar and starts to pull things out of the paper bag. First he pulls out a tiny little piano. He then pulls out a tiny little bench for the piano. Finally he pulls out a tiny little man and sits him down on the bench at the piano. The little man starts playing beautiful piano music.
A beautiful woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately.
The woman seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," he replied. "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, runni...
A young monk joins a monastery
He enters the building and is greeted with a sight of many hardworking monks rigorously copying from seemingly new manuscripts onto paper. He makes his way through the busy scene and heads to the head monk's quarters.
The head monk greets the new monk warmly and shows him to his writing stat...
(This is not a joke) I'm a linguistic researcher that is working on the semiotic of jokes and need help to find exemples of a particular type of joke.
Hi, I hope this is not against the rules but I need help for a research paper centered around jokes, and this obviously looks like a good place for that.
I am working on linguistic structuralism to try to find the linguistic value of surprise in a joke. (I'm simplifying a lot, but i can expla...
Cop said papers
I said scissors and won so I sped off
guess he wants a rematch cause he's been chasing me for 20 minutes
Paper towels?
OH! You mean napkins on the cob?
Cardboard is a lot like 1-ply toilet paper. It's not really good at absorbing,
But it's really good at moving shit around.
A lawyer is driving at night, on the road to his hometown. Suddenly...
*Thud!*
The lawyer stops the car with fear in his eyes. His heart pumps fast. "Oh my God, did I just roadkill an animal? My name will be stained, forever!"
He leaves his car and goes to check the front. The headlights are illuminating an armadillo, rolled inside his shell. He gives the...
A man in Moscow goes up to a newsstand and buys a newspaper…
He then glances at the front page, then turns aside and tosses the whole newspaper straight into the trash.
Next day, he turns up, and does the same thing. Buys it, glances at the front page, throws it in the trash.
Next day, same thing. The newsstand worker is increasingly puzzled, bu...
Why did the Toilet Paper trip on the door mat?
It ran out.
Courtesy of my six year old nephew !!!
I've just finished writing my book on penguins...
My wife thinks it would be better on paper.
Three men were challenged to an art contest, they each had a piece of paper and a pencil, the theme was a TV screen, however, one of the men did nothing with his paper, when the judge saw it, he was dissapointed at first, but after he explained his idea to the judge, he was impressed and he won...
...Because it was Paperview!
The Most Dad Joke of Puns!
All the best Puns are written down on paper. That way, they're truly tear-able.
Also it's my cake day!
A teenage boy was delivering papers to an apartment house.
A teenage boy was delivering papers to an apartment house. While there, a stunning young woman came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing only a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious ...
mort dies suddenly is his sleep.
Mort died suddenly in his sleep.
Beryl, his wife of 55 years phones the local paper to put her loving husbands passing in the obituary.
"Ok my love," says the guy from the paper, "it's a pound a word. What do you want it to say?"
There's a silence for a moment before beryl says, ...
I just finished writing my book on penguins. It was very difficult and tiresome but I managed to finish it.
I should have probably taken my the advice from the publisher, friends and family to write it on paper to make it easier.
paper airplanepaper towelpaperclippaper bagpaperworkpaper cutpaper strawpaper platepaperboy
newspaperwallpapermaterialpapyrussheetlineneditorialcoverchinadocumentparchmentwoodpagereportarticlepulpbookeunuchpaper millprintcardboardhempwritingprintingpresssheet of paperpiece of paperproductgazetteflypaperpublishercarbon paperthemecompositiontabloidgraph papermanillaragwaterwaste paperpublicationpublishclayinkcottonsizingmiddle eastmagazineplasticbox


There is a recognized improvement in the quality of life for pastured free range chicken & ducks as well as in the quality of eggs which they produce. Many farms in Sonoma County have expanded this type of egg production and some are also raising specific breeds of dogs to manage and protect flocks of up to 2500. When evaluating options for your own farm, you might want to visit some of these properties to see if your own quality of life might benefit as well from this type of agriculture and this source of protection for your livestock.
In addition to guarding chickens and ducks, Salmon Creek Ranch in Bodega Bay uses Anatolian Shepherds to protect goats and cattle. Another farm in the town of Freestone raises Great Pyrenees to tend their flocks. Also using a Great Pyrenees named 'Buddy' is Wise Acre Farm in Windsor. These large guard dogs have very different personalities than your household pets and can be very independent of the farmer himself.


NOTE: this data reflects Wisconsin's performance on the 2015 National Assessment of Educational Progress. There is always a tendency to think, "But my school is much better. We met or exceeded expectations on the Wisconsin school report card." We encourage you to check out your school's test data. Schools can be listed as meeting or exceeding expectations with far fewer than half of their students reading proficiently. In past years, Wisconsinites have been able to find and compare WKCE testing results statewide, but Badger exam results for 2015 were not posted as of the end of 2015.
As a result, our national ranking has slipped from 3rd to 25th since 1994.
Only 8% of Wisconsin 4th graders scored in the advanced category on the reading portion of the 2013 National Assessment of Educational Progress (NAEP). Fully 63% of Wisconsin students score below the proficient level, and 29% do not achieve even at the basic level. Wisconsin students rank 25th in the nation.
Wisconsin white students score below the national average for white students, with 56% below proficient and 21% below basic.White students in Wisconsin score 11 points (approximately one grade level) below Massachusetts white students.
We have a huge drop-off in performance for children who qualify for free/reduced lunch. 81% score below proficient, with 47% below basic. These students score 13 points (approximately 1-1/2 grade levels) below similar students in Massachusetts and Florida.
Wisconsin has the second lowest scores for black students, behind Michigan, with 89% below proficient, and 62% in the below basic category. Wisconsin black students score 35 points (approximately 3-1/2 grade levels) below black students in Department of Defense schools, and 24 pints (approximately 2-1/2 grade levels) below black students in Massachusetts and Arizona.
We are failing students with neurological reading disabilities (RD) such as dyslexia. Despite solid research demonstrating the specific hallmarks of RD, ways to screen for risk factors, proven intervention methods, and an agreement on the importance of early intervention, little of value is being done here for these students. Over 91% of our disabled students are below proficient, with 73% below basic. Disabled students in higher performing states are two to three grade levels ahead of our students.
74% of struggling 1st grade readers will still be non-proficient in 9th grade without appropriate intervention; RD does not go away with time.
Wisconsin will begin to use the new Wisconsin Forward exam in 2016, and will need to set proficiency cut scores. Will we resist the temptation to set low standards for our students?
Non-functional readers face many personal hardships in both academics and life. Reading failure is a prime factor in behavioral problems, delinquency, diagnosis of depression, dropout rates, unemployment, underemployment, and incarceration.
Poor readers also impact Wisconsin at large. 49% of prison inmates read below a 9th grade level, and 47% are dropouts. State health care costs increase by $1 billion a year due to poor literacy, and we spend $10.5 annually on adult basic literacy. Especially in these tough times, we need citizens who are equipped to contribute to our economy.
Click here to read more on consequences for individuals and Wisconsin.
Underlying classroom instruction, teacher training, licensure requirements, and professional development are the Wisconsin Model Academic Standards. Written in 1998, our most recent standards were criticized from the start by a minority report of the drafting team. They continued to draw unfavorable national attention from organizations such as the Thomas B. Fordham Institute as vague, lacking rigor, and failing to effectively incorporate the five essential components of beginning reading: phonemic awareness, phonics, fluency, vocabulary development, and comprehension strategies.
A draft of new standards was issued in 2009, focusing on desirable secondary school outcomes as outlined by the Partnership for 21st Century Skills and the American Diploma Project. However, there was no enhancement to the standards in the area of beginning reading. A draft of the nationally-developed Common Core standards was released in March, 2010, and Wisconsin adopted the Common Core on June 2, 2010. This will be a positive step forward for early reading instruction, but, as stated by DPI, "The process to implement the Common Core State Standards so they improve student achievement requires understanding the content of the standards, developing curriculum that reflects the standards, and then providing resources for teachers to develop lesson plans to teach those standards. Click here for a side-by-side comparison of beginning reading standards in Wisconsin, Milwaukee Public Schools, the Common Core, and Florida.Click here to read more about the Common Core and some concerns about its faithful implementation.
Wisconsin's colleges of education, as rated by organizations like the National Council of Teacher Quality, receive low scores for preparing future teachers of reading. One major state program was found to cover only two of the five essential components of reading. Further, DPI was criticized for failing to hold preparation programs accountable for the quality of teachers they produce, yet retaining full authority over the program approval process. As a result, many teachers indicate they find themselves in the classroom without the necessary tools to produce competent readers.
Click here to read more about teacher training.
Will Improvement in Teacher Licensure Examinations Survive?
The Praxis II licensure examination required in Wisconsin for elementary and special education teachers and reading specialists requires little or no knowledge of beginning reading acquisition or instruction. Only one quarter of the questions concern reading at all, critical knowledge of beginning reading is largely untested, and a candidate could miss all the questions on reading and still pass. Until recently, even reading specialists in Wisconsin have not been required to take a stand-alone exam in reading. In The State Teacher Policy Yearbook 2007, Wisconsin was the only state to receive a grade of F in teacher licensure. Thanks to Act 166, beginning in 2014, new elementary and special education teachers and reading specialists began to take the Foundations of Reading examination (WIFoRT). We hoped this would drive changes in teacher preparation, but we don't see much evidence of that. DPI has yet to issue standards for teacher prep programs that include preparing our teachers in this area. In 2016-17, groups convened by DPI noted that many potential teachers are failing the WIFoRT, and have suggested creating ways to avoid having to pass the exam. This would be a serious setback for Wisconsin, and still leaves many teachers in the field without this knowledge.
Click here to read more about teacher licensure.
As other states have found, a problem this entrenched can only be corrected by action at the state level. Special interests have opposed change, and the Wisconsin legislature for many years failed to take action in this critical area.
Act 166, passed in 2012, will begin to change the landscape by requiring universal kindergarten screening and intervention for reading risk factors as well as a Foundations of Reading exam for new teachers of reading. However, effective implementation of Act 166 remains in question given past history. The Wisconsin State Reading Association in 2010 opposed similar legislation, (AB 583 and AB 584) and WEAC and DPI declined to support either bill. The Wisconsin Branch of the International Dyslexia Association responded to WRSA's position and indicated its support of both AB 583 and AB 584.
The offices of the Governor and the Superintendent of Public Instruction have also spent much time debating how much control mayors and DPI should have over school districts, but, deferring to the tradition of local control, have avoided the critical question of what would be taught in the classroom.


text:
Government issues P 5 billion bond
Linah Mohohlo, the Central Bank governor, has criticized the financial sector for its failure to transfer skills to citizens saying the situation, as it stands right now, is unacceptable.
Speaking at the Botswana government's launch of the P 5 billion bond, aimed at stimulating the capital markets, Mahohlo attacked the industry for not doing enough to impart the knowledge to citizens.
"After such a long time, we still have a situation where decisions on the pension industry are still done in Cape Town and Johannesburg. I would like to see that changing and the pension funds industry being in the hands of Batswana. We have capable people here," she said.
The Government issued a P 5 billion bond last week in an attempt to develop the fledgling capital market in the country and, at the same time, to try to develop a yield curve which will be a guide to the industry.
The bond, whose details are still sketchy, is understood to be over-subscribed by many giving confidence to the market that the financial sector strongly trusts the Botswana government.
"I just hope that next time the influence of the South Africans will be much less and Batswana now taking more decisions," she said, referring to the transactional advisor, Stanbic Bank of Botswana, which arranged the bond.
According to the Bank of Botswana's website, the latest government bond, called BW005, has a coupon rate of 10 percent and it is due to mature on September 12, 2018.
The latest move is also expected to encourage the private sectorÔÇöespecially the parastatalsÔÇö- to go to the market in a bid to raise cash for their developmental needs. That is expected to help the organizations to have an outward look and expand into other parts of Africa.
"I think this will also encourage the parastatals to raise money," Mohohlo said.
Government is currently operating through a tight budget and is aiming to liberalise and privatize some of its entities, a move which will spur them to survive on their own.
Some of the issues which government is still digesting are the issuing of an international bond – denominated in foreign currencyÔÇöfor large scale projects if the need arises. However, Finance and Development Planning Minister, Baledzi Gaolathe, said the jury is not yet out and there are no planned big projects in the near future.
The latest issue is part of the government strategy, which started in 2002 and is aimed at supporting the Botswana Stock Exchange and the capital markets in general.
BBS to float P 2 billion bond
NDB issues a 10-year bond
Government to retrench staff


text:
Official Trailer Released For Sci-Fi Drama 'Ad Astra' Starring Brad Pitt
By The Movie God | @ | Wednesday, June 5th, 2019 at 11:00 am
20th Century Fox has released an official trailer for Ad Astra, an upcoming sci-fi drama.
The movie stars Brad Pitt as an astronaut on a mission to the edge of the solar system seeking answers to a mystery that involves his father and a threat to our planet. You can find the trailer along with a brief synopsis and a poster below.
Astronaut Roy McBride (Brad Pitt) travels to the outer edges of the solar system to find his missing father and unravel a mystery that threatens the survival of our planet. His journey will uncover secrets that challenge the nature of human existence and our place in the cosmos.
Starring alongside Pitt in Ad Astra is Tommy Lee Jones, Ruth Negga, Liv Tyler, and Donald Sutherland.
The movie was directed by James Gray, whose previous credits include The Yards, We Own the Night, Two Lovers, The Immigrant, and The Lost City of Z. Gray also co-wrote the screenplay with Ethan Gross, who was a writer and story editor on the TV series Fringe.
Pitt along with Dede Gardner, Jeremy Kleiner, James Gray, Anthony Katagas, Rodrigo Teixeira, and Arnon Milchan are producers on the film.
Ad Astra is set to be released in theaters on September 20th.
The answers we seek are just outside our reach. #AdAstra pic.twitter.com/5i0sL0QMOq
— Ad Astra (@adastramovie) June 5, 2019
Tags: Ad Astra, Anthony Katagas, Arnon Milchan, Brad Pitt, Dede Gardner, Donald Sutherland, Ethan Gross, James Gray, Jeremy Kleiner, Liv Tyler, Rodrigo Teixeira, Ruth Negga, Tommy Lee Jones
'The Batman' Is Said To Focus On The Dark Knight's Formative Years
'Bill & Ted 3': Samara Weaving and Brigette Lundy-Paine To Play Bill and Ted's Daughters
• Quentin Tarantino's 'Once Upon A Time In Hollywood' Digital, 4K, Blu-ray, and DVD Release Dates and Bonus Features Announced
• Movie Review: Once Upon A Time In Hollywood
• 'Ad Astra' Trailer: Brad Pitt Goes To Space To Find His Father
• 'Once Upon A Time In Hollywood' Trailer: Tarantino Explores Manson Family Murders During Golden Age Of Hollywood
• First Trailer For Quentin Tarantino's 'Once Upon A Time In Hollywood' Released


text:
Q: Service discovery pattern I m actually studying the service discovery pattern but I dont really understand the way how it works.
I have read an article using a library with nodejs called etcd ( http://lukebond.ghost.io/service-discovery-with-etcd-and-node-js/) and it seems easy to use like only setting a pattern url lile /my/service.
Then I have some questions :

*

*how can I access this service from another nodejs app ?

*how can I do if I want to access /my/service/something, knowing that it s not defined in the service registry and that we admit I dont know at all the API ?

After reading this article, I tried to understand how zookeeper works. With this one, and using a standard library( https://github.com/yfinkelstein/node-zookeeper ), I m facing a problem :

*

*what is the value I have to set ? In fact with zookeeper, it seems that we have to set a pattern url and a value. What is this value ?

*what are the service children with zookeeper ? What is the aim of this concept ?

Thanks for advance everybody
Thanks for advance

A: Here is a good article about service discovery patterns.
Here are some standard patterns based answers:

how can I access this service from another nodejs app ?

The service discovery tool like etcd will return you the list of endpoints for the service you need. See example here:
{
    "action": "get",
    "node": {
        "key": "/",
        "dir": true,
        "nodes": [
            {
                "key": "/foo_dir",
                "dir": true,
                "modifiedIndex": 2,
                "createdIndex": 2
            },
            {
                "key": "/foo",
                "value": "two",
                "modifiedIndex": 1,
                "createdIndex": 1
            }
        ]
    }
}

how can I do if I want to access /my/service/something, knowing that
  it s not defined in the service registry and that we admit I dont know
  at all the API ?

I think you mean "what do I do if /my/service/something is undefined"?
In this case it is all up to the logic of your application. I would think that reasonable way would be retry if you expect that the value will appear at some point.

what is the value I have to set ? In fact with zookeeper, it seems
  that we have to set a pattern url and a value. What is this value ?

The value is whatever you want it to be there. With ZooKeeper you might want to use ephemeral nodes for each server node. You can keep data you need to connect to that node inside or just nothing.

what are the service children with zookeeper ? What is the aim of this
  concept ?

I think you are referencing to hierarchical structure of ZooKeeper ZNodes. I think "children" in this case will be all nodes which belong to some parent. For example, for nodes /a/b/c and /a/b/d their parent would be /a/b and therefore children of /a/b are /a/b/c and /a/b/d.
Hope this helps.


text:
Carlos Blanco ist der Name folgender Personen:

* Carlos Blanco Castañón (1928–2011), mexikanischer Fußballspieler
 Carlos Blanco Pérez (* 1986), spanischer Schriftsteller, Ägyptologe, Philosoph und Chemiker


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text:
Ruscio may refer to:

People
Al Ruscio (1924–2013), American character actor
Kenneth P. Ruscio (born 1954), American professor of politics

Place
Ruscio, Umbria, Italy