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This week on The Apprentice: hot pies, cold nachos and a lukewarm reception.
"Melody was lost for words," shrieked recapper Mark Halliley at the beginning of Week Eleven of The Apprentice. Just moments after we relived Ms Hossaini's crushing disappointment, there was another one: Margaret Mountford would be not be wielding a clipboard in anger this week. The penultimate week of the show is traditionally given over to the interview process, in which CVs are deconstructed, egos deflated and lies exposed by Lord Sugar's attack dogs. Sometimes we even stray into the realms of existentialism: "You're not a big fish. You're not even a fish."
But this being a BBC show, they can never just leave well alone. So instead of the fearsome Margaret and Claude, our wannabe entrepreneurs faced a different sort of grilling — another catering task. The teams were invited to set up their own fast-food franchises in the City of London. Lord Sugar and some industry experts would then drop in for a free lunch, to assess them on criteria like edibility, speed of service and size of sombrero.
If the mere thought of Apprentice candidates in aprons has you licking your lips in anticipation, just think how much more fun this would have been in Week Twelve. If this had been the final, we could have enjoyed the spectacle of returning candidates buggering things up for the favourites. Remember Leon's struggles with the juicing machine in Week One? Edna could have donned her Eartha Kitt gloves once more; Zoe could have mooned around with a face like a wet weekend; and Vincent would doubtless have dished out more (Belgian) waffle. But I digress, none of these things happened because the Final Five were on their own.
"All the air's been cleared" declared Susan optimistically, implying last week's squabbles with Natasha could now be swept under the enormous carpet that (eventually) silences all this show's most voluble candidates. But would the three minds of Venture really be better than the combined brain power of Tom and Helen? It didn't look likely. After watching Natasha fail to grow the team's assets and almost blow the previous task, Jim wasn't taking any chances. He appointed himself PM and, in one of those super-smug asides to camera, claimed that the girls would "appreciate a wee bit of direction". Yeah, right. Meanwhile, Tom was more than happy to take orders from Helen (aka Little Miss Bossy).
I do like sizzling fajitas, but I associate nachos chiefly with evenings spent downing pitchers of watered down and grossly overpriced margaritas. For me, Mexican "cuisine" is an oxymoron, which is perhaps why Venture's decision to go down that route was doomed from the outset. They had Natasha "can't cook, won't cook" Scribbins, who failed to live up to her BA (Hons) in hospitality management.
Then there was Susan "What does el mean?" Ma, whose ignorance of all things French is obviously just the tip of a very large cultural iceberg. To that combustible mix of personalities, we must add Jim, who confused Caracas (the capital of Venezuela) with maracas (a Latin-American percussion instrument). That's how you end up with a franchise called "Caraca's — a fresh mix of Mexican food".
It all looked much more promising over at Logic. Helen immediately came up with the idea of going British and, following on from Week Nine's "Mini Men", decided that mini pies were the way to go. For reasons that escape me, Tom went looking for a branding concept in a baby boutique. (Nick Hewer looked suitably perplexed.) He did eventually get his act together by misreading a sign in shop window that read "We're on QYPE are you?" This led him to the brilliant MyPy — pronounced MyPie rather than MePee. Even Helen was impressed.
Meanwhile PM Helen showed she could cook up a mean pie in three mouth-watering varieties: steak and red wine; chicken and mushroom; and spinach, broccoli and cheddar. True, she did have a little help from a Heston Blumenthal lookalike, but that left her more time for thinking about the all-important profits versus taste equation. Yes, Helen had it all: recipes, a business plan and brainy Tom's wacky ideas about marketing.
While Natasha "I'm better on branding" and Susan squabbled over the relative merits of "iconic" peppers or sombreros for their branding concepts, Jim was basically doing everything else. After some market research that was only slightly more impressive than Melody's effort in Paris, he came up with chilli beef, a fajita "kit" and Mexican soup. It sounded as though the self-styled "macho nacho man" had bitten off more than he could chew.
I wouldn't want you to think that everything Logic did this week was brilliant. Let's gloss over the way they branded their unit to look like a BA check-in desk. Even the lovely Helen didn't really pull off that blue apron and red scarf look. Oh, and I don't think there was ever an explorer called William Drake, or that Christopher Columbus was an influential British person.
But let's face it, while Venture were agonising about what colour to paint their walls and how big their sombreros should be, they forgot about all the important criteria. Their service was dilatory, their planning non-existent, and Jim's nachos looked like dog puke (in Lord Sugar's expert opinion). Most embarrassing of all was the macho nacho man's failure to perform basic mental arithmetic. Who needs "direction" now, smartass?
In the boardroom it came as no surprise to find that the experts had scored Venture's Mexican meltdown at a measly 4/10. (I'm guessing the branding was the only element that didn't suck.) The hot pies and another ace presentation from Helen had given Logic a much more impressive 7/10.
Instead of a treat, Helen and Tom went straight through to next week's final. This left everyone scratching their heads and wondering what would become of the remaining three candidates. Lord Sugar then announced that he would only fire one more person. This was annoying, because only Susan had contributed anything vaguely intelligent this week.
I think it's fair to say that Jim got just about everything wrong — starting with his decision to make Natasha and Susan work together again. No one had really considered how many customers they needed to serve during a two-hour period. (Sixty people spending an average of £7 per head does not add up to £4,200.) Karren Brady was right to observe "There is nothing fast about this fast food restaurant." But did she really need to bring up that whole caracas business again? "Be honest, you thought it was a made-up word, all of you." I've got some made-up words for you, Karren, and some of them contain expletives.
Natasha and Susan both rounded on Jim, who (naturally) accused the girls of not playing ball. (I guess that's what happens when you don't have any direction.) Lord Sugar tried to get to the bottom of Natasha's curious reluctance to put her BA to practical use — apparently it was all a "long time ago".
I was quite interested in hearing Natasha's thoughts on Jim's "dark underside", which I sincerely hope was a reference to his tendency to pull people's strings. In the end she was undone by her own lacklustre performance in recent weeks. I'm still trying to figure out her contribution to Caraca's. Was it that misplaced apostrophe?
So Natasha was fired, leaving Jim and Susan to resume their spat in the cab back to Richmond. Tune in next week to see Margaret get stuck into the (sexist) macho nacho man. Based on this week's task, I make Helen the strong favourite.
The Apprentice 2011
Helen Milligan, Jim Eastwood, Karren Brady, Lord Sugar, Natasha Scribbins, Nick Hewer, Susan Ma, Tom Pellereau


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Wofford Terriers vs. VMI Keydets: 1/13/2021 Betting Preview, Predictions, Computer Picks, Odds and Trends
The VMI Keydets (5-4) are underdogs (by 5 points) to continue a five-game home winning streak when they host the Wofford Terriers (5-3) on Wednesday, January 13, 2021 at 7:00 PM ET. The point total for the matchup is set at 143.
Wofford vs VMI Betting Information
Wofford -5 -112 -109 143 -108 -113 -225 180
Computer picks for Wofford vs VMI
VMI (+5) Over (143) Wofford 73 VMI 71
Place a Bet on the Wofford – VMI Matchup
In 50% of their opportunities this season (four of eight chances), the Terriers and their opponents have combined to put up more than this matchup's over/under of 143 points.
VMI and its opponents have combined to score more than 143 points in 77.8% of their matchups this season (seven of nine opportunities).
The two teams average a combined 11.5 more points per game (154.5) than this matchup's over/under of 143 points.
Opponents of these teams have averaged a combined 131 points per game, 12 less than the point total for this matchup.
The Terriers average point total in matchups this year is 133.9, 9.1 points below the total in this game.
The average total for Keydets games this year is 8.7 more points than the point total of 143 in this outing.
Wofford Betting Information
Wofford has been good against the spread this season, posting a 5-1 record.
The Terriers have posted a winning record of 1-0 against the spread when the spread is -5 or bigger.
The Terriers have typically run under the total this season, reaching the over/under in 2 of 6 games (33.3%).
VMI Betting Information
The Keydets have a winning record against the spread, going 3-2 ATS (covering 60.0% of the time).
When they are at least 5-point underdogs, the Keydets have fared well, going 2-0 against the spread.
In most of Keydets games this season, the teams have not hit the over (2 out of 5 games, 40%).
Wofford vs VMI (Last 4 Games)
Wofford -7 134.5 -326 +248 Regular Season 79-73 WOFF
Wofford -12 138.5 -909 +583 Regular Season 66-54 WOFF
N/A N/A N/A N/A N/A Regular Season 95-84 WOFF
Wofford Leaders
The leader in points and assists for the Terriers is Storm Murphy, who scores 18.7 points and dishes out 4.8 assists per game.
Messiah Jones is Wofford's best rebounder, pulling down an average of 6.6 boards in each contest while scoring 9.4 points per game.
Murphy contributes the bulk of the Terriers' three-point shooting production. He makes 2.9 threes per game to lead the squad.
The Wofford steals leader is Nick Pringle, who averages 1.2 takeaways per game, while its blocks leader is Jones, who compiles 0.7 rejections per contest.
VMI Leaders
Greg Parham's points (16.6 per game) and assists (3.9 per game) stat lines give him the top rebounding and assists spots on the Keydets' leaderboards.
The Keydets' top rebounder is Myles Lewis — he grabs 7.4 per game while scoring 9.7 points per game.
Kamdyn Curfman leads his teammates on the Keydets with 3.1 made threes per game.
VMI's leader in steals is Trey Bonham (1.3 per game), and its leader in blocks is Jake Stephens (2.1 per game).

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaCommonCrawl