text:
Liebe, Sex und Twilight Zone ist das zweite Soloalbum des deutschen Rappers Kaas. Es erschien am 6. Mai 2011 über das Stuttgarter Label Chimperator Productions und wird über Rough Trade Distribution GmbH vertrieben. Liebe, Sex und Twilight Zone ist ein Doppel-Album, das stilistisch in zwei Teile gegliedert ist. Als Hauptproduzent wirkte Dirty Dasmo an der musikalischen Gestaltung der Veröffentlichung. Das Album erreichte Platz 39 der Album-Charts.

Hintergrund
Nachdem im Mai 2009 Kaas' Debütalbum T.A.F.K.A.A.Z. :D sowie im Oktober desselben Jahres Denn dein ist das Reich und die Kraft und die Herrlichkeit, in Ewigkeit, Orsons seiner Gruppe Die Orsons erschienen waren, kündigte Chimperator Productions Ende Januar 2011 das zweite Soloalbum des Rappers zunächst für den 29. April 2011 an. Einige Wochen nach der Ankündigung wurde der Veröffentlichungstermin aus nicht kommunizierten Gründen um eine Woche auf den 6. Mai 2011 verschoben.

Liebe, Sex und Twilight Zone ist ein Doppel-Album. Bei der ersten Hälfte handelt es sich um ein Rap-Album, während der zweite Teil stilistisch dem Eurodance zugeordnet werden kann. Die Idee zu einem Eurodance-Album liegt darin begründet, dass Kaas in seiner Kindheit Anhänger des Genres war. Durch die Stilrichtung der elektronischen Tanzmusik lernte er auch Rap kennen. Einige Jahre später stellte Kaas nach eigenen Angaben fest, dass das Genre Eurodance eine durch die Plattenindustrie "am Reißbrett konstruierte Popmusik" sei, die Elemente verschiedener Musikstile verwende. Da ihm jedoch die Konstellation aus Dance-Rhythmus, einem für die Strophen verantwortlichen Rapper sowie einer Sängerin gefielen, entschied er sich dazu, ein Album dieses Genres aufnehmen. Im Unterschied zum ehemals erfolgreichen Eurodance sei Kaas' Ansatz gewesen, der Musik "Seele" einzuhauchen. Den für die zweite Albumhälfte verwendeten Ausdruck "Twilight Zone" verbinde er mit dem Eurodance-Duo 2 Unlimited, das Anfang der 1990er Jahre einen gleichnamigen Song veröffentlicht hat, sowie mit der Single des deutschen Rappers Moses Pelham.

Titelliste
 CD1 – Liebe, Sex & …

 Von mir geliebt –  4:25
 Frau in Tansania – 4:25
 Geiles Leben – 3:34
 Liebe, Sex und Zärtlichkeit – 4:04
 Love vs. Hate (feat. Kamp und Casper) – 4:20
 Relax (feat. Lean) – 5:56
 Vergeben & Verzeihen (feat. Doreen) – 5:08
 Crips, Bloods & Hollywood (feat. Moe Mitchell) – 5:14
 Mach Dir keine Sorgen (feat. Glasperlenspiel) – 3:49
 Rendezvous mit einem Engel (feat. Vasee) – 6:00

 CD2 – Twilight Zone

 Join The Lovemovement – 3:42
 Jesus Loves Me (feat. Nana) – 4:32
 Planet Of Love – 4:14
 Amelies Rhapsody – 4:25
 Master Of Seduction – 3:55
 Der Chef der Bank – 3:23
 Tonight – 3:58
 The Puppet Master – 3:29
 Real Love – 4:16
 Agatha Secret – 4:00
 Sweet Mango Summer (SMS) – 4:22

Versionen
Das Album wurde in verschiedenen Versionen veröffentlicht. Neben der Standard-Version, die 21 Stücke umfasst, erschienen drei weitere Ausführungen unter den Namen Unicorn Edition, iTunes-Edition und Mzee-Edition. Die Unicorn Edition kann ausschließlich über die Filialen der Handelskette Müller bezogen werden. Sie ist in einem Pappschuber verpackt und enthält einen Code, mit welchem sich der Käufer über die Internetseite der Plattenfirma Chimperator Productions ein kostenloses T-Shirt bestellen kann. Sie ist auf eine Stückzahl von 1000 Exemplaren limitiert. Beim Kauf des Albums bei iTunes enthält es mit dem Jopez-Remix zu Geiles Leben ein exklusives Stück. Zudem wurde das Cover durch die Verdeckung der Brüste des Einhorns abgeändert, um das Album auf dem internationalen Markt verkaufen zu könne. Die Album-Variante der Internetseite Mzee.com enthält zusätzlich ein von Kaas signiertes Poster.

Texte
Wie bereits auf T.A.F.K.A.A.Z. :D verarbeitet Kaas in dem Lied Jesus Loves Me den Amoklauf von Winnenden. Mit diesem war der Rapper in verschiedenen Medien aufgrund des zeitlich Zusammentreffens der Veröffentlichung seines Songs Amokzahltag mit dem realen Amoklauf in Verbindung gebracht worden. In Jesus Loves Me schildert Kaas seine schlechte emotionale Verfassung nach den Geschehnissen in Winnenden und die damit verbundene Angst, Mitschuld an der Tat zu tragen. In dieser Zeit traf er auch auf Angehörige der Opfer, mit denen er Gespräche führte. Eine Person antwortete ihm, auf die Frage wie es möglich sei, nach den Ereignissen weiterzuleben, dass er "an die Macht des Herrn" glaube und darauf vertraue. Kaas berichtet von der darauf folgenden Unterhaltung, die er mit dieser Person über Jesus Christus, Gott und die Bedeutung von Selbst- und Nächstenliebe geführt hat. In der dritten englischsprachigen Strophe geht Nana auf das Leben Jesu weiter ein.

Produktion

Die Aufnahmen für Liebe, Sex und Twilight Zone fanden in Stuttgart und Berlin statt. Im Stuttgarter Unicorn Studio entstanden die Stücke der ersten CD. Für die zweite Hälfte des Albums wurde das Beats and Sound Studio des Produzenten Dirty Dasmo genutzt. Dasmo, der vor allem durch die Produktion des Albums Base Ventura des Rappers Marteria bekannt ist, tritt auf dem Album auch als Hauptproduzent auf. Für die erste CD produzierte er die Lieder Von mir geliebt, Frau in Tansania, Vergeben & Verzeihen und Rendezvous mit einem Engel. Die musikalische Untermalung zu Geiles Leben, Liebe, Sex und Zärtlichkeit und Crips, Bloods & Hollywood wurde von 7inch beigesteuert. Des Weiteren wurden Mach Dir keine Sorgen von Mikko Tamminen, Relax von Jopez und Love vs. Hate von Whizz Vienna produziert. Der zweite mit "Twilight Zone" betitelte Teil des Albums wurde ebenfalls zum Großteil von Dirty Dasmo produziert. Als einzige Ausnahme wurde die Musik zu Master Of Seduction von Flash Gordon beigesteuert. Außerdem tritt der Sänger Vasee auf den Stücken Der Chef der Bank und Tonight neben Dasmo als Co-Produzent auf. An der Entstehung von Join The Lovemovement und Sweet Mango Summer (SMS) war Tobi Smith beteiligt.

Im Anschluss an die Aufnahmen erfolgte die Abmischung der Stücke. Die erste CD wurde von Tobi Smith und Dirty Dasmo im Beats and Sound Studio abgemischt. Ausgenommen ist dabei der Song Mach Dir keine Sorgen, der von Mikko Tamminen in Finnland nachbearbeitet wurde. Die Abmischung der zweiten CD erfolgte durch Volker "IDR" Gebhardt für Hustle Heart im Children of Soul Studio. Nach der Abmischung wurde die Produktion mit dem Mastering abgeschlossen. Der erste Teil des Albums wurde von Jens "Jeanz" Baumgart im Stutt i/O TonStudio  gemastert. Volker "IDR" Gebhardt übernahm das Mastering der zweiten CD.

Stilistisch ist die Musik der zweiten CD an die in den 1990er Jahren populäre Musik Eurodance angelehnt. Um eine größtmögliche Nähe zu diesem Genre herzustellen, wurde auf modernere Produktionsmöglichkeiten wie dem Sidechain Kompressor verzichtet. Einige Lieder nehmen direkten Bezug zu einzelnen Stücken des Eurodance. So wurde bei der Produktion des Stücks Sweet Mango Summer (SMS) die Idee umgesetzt, eine an Coco Jamboo von Mr. President angelehnte musikalische Untermalung zu gestalten.

Illustration
Das Cover zu Liebe, Sex und Twilight Zone ist stark an die Illustration des Vorgängeralbums T.A.F.K.A.A.Z. :D angelehnt. Anders als bei dem Cover zu Kaas' Debütalbum handelt es sich um ein Foto, auf dem eine Frau mit freiem Oberkörper erkennbar ist. Das Cover-Foto wurde von Luca & Ve' geschossen. Für das Back-Cover zur zweiten Hälfte des Albums "Twilight Zone" war Binh verantwortlich. Wie im Falle von T.A.F.K.A.A.Z. :D wurde die Gestaltung des Artworks von Daniel W. übernommen.

In einer Negativ-Rangordnung der Internetseite Laut.de Ende Mai 2011 über die aus Redaktionssicht "25 schlimmsten Cover" wurde die Illustration des Front-Covers zu Liebe, Sex und Twilight Zone auf Platz 6 positioniert. Dazu kommentierte die Redaktion: "Der Rapper der Liebe fordert sein Publikum wirklich auf allen Sinnesebenen. Irgendwie passt es ja: Das Cover ist fürs Auge, was Eurodance fürs Ohr darstellt. Harter Stoff."

Vermarktung

Kostenlose Lieder
Für die Mai/Juni-Ausgabe des Hip-Hop-Magazins Juice stellte Kaas den Titel "Kaas ist wie" als sogenanntes Juice Exclusive! zur Verfügung.

Videos
Der Titel Von mir geliebt wurde als erstes Stück des Albums als Video umgesetzt. Dieses hatte seine Premiere am 25. März 2011 auf der Internetseite 16bars.de. Es folgte die Umsetzung des zuvor exklusiv für das Hip-Hop-Magazin bereitgestellte Lied Kaas ist wie. Als erster Song der zweiten CD Twilight Zone wurde ein Video zu Planet of Love gedreht. Zur Album-Veröffentlichung erschien zudem ein Video zu Sweet Mango Summer. Dieses spielt auf einem Spielplatz und endet mit einem Hinweis auf die Initiative Vermisste Kinder. Für die Internetseite der Backspin entstand das Lied Alle Finger auf mich, das ebenfalls visuell umgesetzt wurde.

Tournee
Am 6. Mai begann Kaas eine Konzert-Tournee mit dem bei Selfmade Records unter Vertrag stehenden Rapper Favorite. Die beiden Musiker absolvieren ihre Tournee unter dem Titel "Favorite vs. KAAS Tour 2011". Nach neun Auftritten endete die Tour am 15. Mai 2011 in Trier.

Rezeption

Chartplatzierung
Liebe, Sex und Twilight Zone stieg auf Platz 39 der deutschen Album-Charts ein. Es stellt somit Kaas' erfolgreichste Veröffentlichung dar.

Kritik
Dani Fromm verfasste für die Internetseite Laut.de einen Beitrag über Liebe, Sex und Twilight Zone, in dem sie Kaas' Ansatz Liebe zu propagieren und damit den verbreiteten negativen Inhalten der Rap-Musik einen "farbenfrohen Gegenpol" entgegenzusetzen lobte, aber Kritik an der Umsetzung äußerte. Das Album wurde mit drei von möglichen fünf Bewertungspunkten ausgezeichnet. Fromm lobt das "überbordende Talent" des Musikers, sich Geschichten auszudenken. Auch seine technischen Fähigkeiten als Rapper sowie den Mut und die klassische Bildung, die er durch die Umsetzung des Stücks Crips, Bloods & Hollywood, als Neuinterpretation von Friedrich Schillers Die Bürgschaft, unter Beweis stellt, werden positiv hervorgehoben. Dagegen polarisieren Kaas' Stimmlage und seine gesungenen Refrains. Negative Kritik erhalten die Lieder Mach Dir keine Sorgen und Vergeben & Verzeihen, welches in "schauderhafte Schlager-Gefilde" abdrifte. Die zweite CD von Liebe, Sex und Twilight Zone, die als Eurodance-Album konzipiert ist, zeige, dass Kaas die "weithin geächtete Klangästhetik" liebe. Für Dani Fromm ist spürbar, dass der Rapper versuche, dem Musikgenre Inhalt zu geben. Das Resultat wird in textlicher Hinsicht positiv bewertet. Dies ändere jedoch nichts daran, dass die musikalische Eurodance-Untermalung minderwertig sei.

In einer Kritik von Daniel Decker für den Blog Jahrgangsgeräusche wird Liebe, Sex und Twilight Zone als "großartiges Hip-Hop-Album mit elf trashigen Bonus-Tracks" bezeichnet. Kaas könne im Hinblick auf das Thema Liebe und die Förderung durch den Berliner Kool Savas mit Eko Fresh verglichen werden. Der Unterschied liege jedoch darin, dass sich Eko Fresh durch Selbstüberschätzung auszeichnete, während Kaas' Musik für "Irrsinn und Ironie" stehe. Decker lobt die beigesteuerte musikalische Untermalung von 7inch, der mit Liebe, Sex und Zärtlichkeit eine an den Stil des US-Amerikaners Kanye West erinnernden Beat produziert habe. Auch Whizz Vienna sowie die Gastrapper Kamp und Casper können auf Love vs. Hate überzeugen. Auf der zweiten CD sei vieles "grenzwertig." So schrecke etwa der "missionarische Song" Jesus Loves Me ab. Die Texte halten jedoch das Niveau der ersten CD. Zusammenfassend wird Kaas' Eurodance-Projekt Twilight Zone als kurzweiliger Spaß charakterisiert.

Das Hip-Hop-Magazin Juice behandelte Liebe, Sex und Twilight Zone in der Rubrik "Battle of the Ear". Im Zug dessen werden die erste CD des Doppel-Albums der zweiten Album-Hälfte gegenübergestellt und zwei unterschiedliche Bewertungen vorgenommen. Die erste CD wird durch die Redaktion mit vier von möglichen sechs "Kronen" bewertet. Positive Kritik äußert der zuständige Redakteur Stephan Szillus an der Instrumentierung, die ein "zeitgemäßes Klangbild" ergebe. Als Höhepunkt der Veröffentlichung wird das Stück Love vs. Hate hervorgehoben. Dieses zeichne durch ein "prägnantes Soul-Sample" und einer gescratchten Hookline aus. Ebenfalls positiv fallen die Wertungen der Lieder Relax und Crips, Bloods und Hollywood aus. Auch die Gesangspassagen der meisten Stücke seien überwiegend gelungen. Rendezvous mit einem Engel findet Lob für Kaas' Text, sei jedoch "latent kitschig". Die Wertung der zweiten Album-Hälfte fällt mit einer von möglichen sechs vergebenen "Kronen" deutlich negativer aus. Szillus kommentiert die "Twilight-Zone"-Hälfte als "krasser künstlerischer Irrweg". Sowohl die "Klangästhetik" als auch die einfältigen Texte werden negativ bewertet. Die Behauptung, dass Kulturgüter wie etwa Eurodance so schlecht seien, "dass es schon wieder gut ist" treffe nicht zu und sei von Journalisten wie Benjamin von Stuckrad-Barre bereits vor längerer Zeit "überzeugend entkräftet" worden.

Einzelnachweise

Album (Hip-Hop)
Album 2011


04/24/2019 07:05:16 96613275 1 0 0 3730 1 1 Technology IT Business Analyst III Business Analyst III Full Time Experis | Chicago, IL NEW Experis is partnered with their Client in their search for a Business Analyst at their Chicago, IL location. Reviews, analyzes, and evaluates business syst... NEW Do you match?
04/24/2019 22:16:05 96752590 2 TJNBoost30Days 0 0 3735 1 1 Personal Care Personal Appearance Hair Stylist Hair Stylist Full Time Great Clips, Inc. | Chicago, IL NEW Stylist At Great Clips, we know that stylists like you are most happy when they're cutting hair, so at a Great Clips salon, that's exactly what you get to ... NEW Do you match?
04/24/2019 20:19:20 96727349 3 ExtendedNetworkExposure 0 0 3709 1 1 Logistics Logistics Services Project Team Manager Project Team Manager Full Time Driveline Retail Merchandising Inc. | Chicago, IL NEW The Project Manager is responsible for managing a team of hourly employees in a retailer location. This is a hands-on leadership role managing; assembling,... NEW Do you match?
04/24/2019 15:04:22 72010400 4 Priority_Search,ExtendedNetworkExposure,PerformanceBoost,PerformanceBoost3x 0 0 3491 1 0 Finance Tax Tax Auditors Tax Auditors Full Time Wi Dept of Revenue | Chicago, IL NEW TAX AUDITORS Application Deadline: May 13, 2019 Are you looking for an Auditing career that offers the opportunity for professional growth, challenging as... NEW Do you match?
04/24/2019 11:29:50 96649152 6 TJNBoost7Days 0 0 3241 1 1 General General Help Insurance Sales Customer Service Insurance Sales Customer Service Full Time Banner Personnel | Chicago, IL NEW Job DescriptionINSURANCE SALES / CUSTOMER RELATIONSLARGE, PRESTIGIOUS INSURANCE COMPANY - DOWNTOWN CHICAGOTemp or Temp-to-Perm PositionQualifications:MUST ... NEW Do you match?
04/24/2019 10:54:46 96641699 7 TJNBoost7Days 0 0 3241 1 1 Marketing & Biz Dev Biz Dev Compliance Specialist (CS) Compliance Specialist (CS) Full Time AltaStaff, LLC | Chicago, IL NEW Job DescriptionAt a glance:Hourly Pay Rate: $12.00/hourFull-time opportunity, Monday - FridayBenefits...AltaStaff is a staffing agency, and we are currentl... NEW Do you match?
04/24/2019 09:43:41 96632134 8 TJNBoost7Days 0 0 3241 1 1 Building Maintenance Facilities Maintenance Maintenance Technician Maintenance Technician Full Time Seminary Properties and Management, Ltd. | Chicago, IL NEW Job DescriptionSeminary Properties and Management, Ltd. is seeking new members for it's maintenance team. Seminary Properties operates rental properties on... NEW Do you match?
04/24/2019 07:26:38 96616107 9 ExtendedNetworkExposure,EmailBoost 0 0 3765 1 1 Marketing & Biz Dev PR & Advertising Communications Manager Communications Manager Full Time American Academy of Periodontology | Chicago, IL (60611) NEW Are you a communications professional who excels in strategic thinking and a confident, skilled writer? Searching for an organization that will support you... NEW Do you match?
04/24/2019 07:17:53 96332403 10 ExtendedNetworkExposure 0 0 3709 1 1 Construction & Trades Trades & Skilled Labor Retail Fixture Construction Retail Fixture Construction Full Time Driveline Retail Merchandising Inc. | Chicago, IL NEW The Heavy Project Merchandiser is dedicated to assisting our Project Managers in ensuring that our client's expectations are met in a professional and cost... NEW Do you match?
04/23/2019 17:57:54 96484250 11 TJNBoost30Days,EmailBoost 1 0 3748 1 1 Technology Computer Networking Sr Systems Engineer - All Covered Sr Systems Engineer - All Covered Full Time Konica Minolta | Chicago, IL NEW All Covered, IT Services Division of Konica Minolta Business Solutions (KMBS), is the leading national IT services company serving SMB to enterprise market... NEW Do you match?
04/23/2019 17:57:53 96484244 12 TJNBoost30Days,EmailBoost 1 0 3748 1 1 Manufacturing Production Production Print Specialist Production Print Specialist Full Time Konica Minolta | Chicago, IL NEW Konica Minolta Business Solutions U.S.A., Inc., a global Fortune 1000 company and one of Forbes 2017 America's Best Large Employers, is transforming the wa... NEW Do you match?
04/23/2019 17:57:52 96484238 13 TJNBoost30Days,EmailBoost 1 0 3748 1 1 Sales Sales Account Management Named Account Executive - PSS Named Account Executive - PSS Internship Konica Minolta | Chicago, IL NEW Konica Minolta Business Solutions U.S.A., Inc., a global Fortune 1000 company and one of Forbes 2017 America's Best Large Employers, is transforming the wa... NEW Do you match?
04/23/2019 17:57:41 96484171 14 TJNBoost30Days,EmailBoost 1 0 3748 1 1 Sales Sales Account Management Senior Account Executive - Professional Service Specialist Senior Account Executive - Professional Service Specialist Full Time Konica Minolta | Chicago, IL NEW Konica Minolta Business Solutions U.S.A., Inc., a global Fortune 1000 company and one of Forbes 2017 America's Best Large Employers, is transforming the wa... NEW Do you match?
04/23/2019 17:57:24 96484064 15 TJNBoost30Days,EmailBoost 1 0 3748 1 1 Marketing & Biz Dev Biz Dev Director, Business Development - Ink Jet Director, Business Development - Ink Jet Full Time Konica Minolta | Chicago, IL NEW Konica Minolta Business Solutions U.S.A., Inc., a global Fortune 1000 company and one of Forbes 2017 America's Best Large Employers, is transforming the wa... NEW Do you match?
04/23/2019 17:57:16 96484011 16 EmailBoost,TJNBoost30Days 1 0 3748 1 1 Installation & Maintenance Aircraft Technicians InkJet Press Technical Specialist InkJet Press Technical Specialist Full Time Konica Minolta | Chicago, IL NEW Konica Minolta Business Solutions U.S.A., Inc., a global Fortune 1000 company and one of Forbes 2017 America's Best Large Employers, is transforming the wa... NEW Do you match?
04/23/2019 17:57:14 96484000 17 TJNBoost30Days,EmailBoost 1 0 3748 1 1 Marketing & Biz Dev Biz Dev Dir, Business Development Dir, Business Development Full Time Konica Minolta | Chicago, IL NEW Konica Minolta Business Solutions U.S.A., Inc., a global Fortune 1000 company and one of Forbes 2017 America's Best Large Employers, is transforming the wa... NEW Do you match?
04/23/2019 17:57:14 96483996 18 EmailBoost,TJNBoost30Days 1 0 3748 1 1 Sales Sales Engineering ECM Pre-Sales Engineer ECM Pre-Sales Engineer Full Time Konica Minolta | Chicago, IL NEW Konica Minolta Business Solutions U.S.A., Inc., a global Fortune 1000 company and one of Forbes 2017 America's Best Large Employers, is transforming the wa... NEW Do you match?
04/23/2019 14:31:47 89901489 19 ExtendedNetworkExposure 1 0 3709 1 1 Logistics Operations Operations Project Manager - Modular Construction / Foodservice Operations Project Manager - Modular Construction / Foodservice Work From Home Kitchens To Go built by Carlin | Chicago, IL NEW Kitchens To Go built by Carlin, a rapidly expanding international business, is seeking a Project Manager to join our team in our Western, Midwestern & East... NEW Do you match?
04/23/2019 08:26:58 96410903 20 TJNBoost30Days 1 0 3541 1 1 Marketing & Biz Dev Biz Dev Senior Business Development Director (Field Based) Great Plains Senior Business Development Director (Field Based) Great Plains Full Time Secura Bio | Chicago, IL NEW Senior Business Development Director is a field-based position covering the Great Plains Region (Missouri, Kansas, Nebraska, Iowa, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Il... NEW Do you match?
04/23/2019 06:37:42 96403803 21 ExtendedNetworkExposure,DiversityBoost 1 0 2733 1 1 Education Education Administration Assistant Director of Assessment Assistant Director of Assessment Full Time The John Marshall Law School | Chicago, IL (60604) NEW The John Marshall Law School is seeking a fulltime Assistant Director of Assessment to fulfill the Law School's commitment to student success and outcomes.... NEW Do you match?
04/22/2019 22:59:10 96343167 22 TJNBoost30Days 2 0 3541 1 1 Technology Application Development Microsoft Dynamics AX Techno-Functional Consultant Microsoft Dynamics AX Techno-Functional Consultant Full Time AXPulse Consulting | Chicago, IL NEW AXPulse Consulting is a core IT Company which specilized in Microsoft Technologies and providing Microsoft Dynamics AX / 365 / Business Central Consulting ... NEW Do you match?
04/22/2019 10:29:32 96272713 23 TJNBoost7Days 2 0 3241 1 1 Transportation Water Transportation Violence Prevention Trainer - Part-Time Violence Prevention Trainer - Part-Time Part Time Catharsis Productions | Chicago, IL NEW Job DescriptionFor nineteen years Catharsis Productions has been creating and delivering unique and awesome live sexual violence prevention trainings to co... NEW Do you match?
04/22/2019 09:55:24 96270715 24 TJNBoost30Days 2 0 3537 1 1 Sales Sales - General Water Piping Sales Executive Water Piping Sales Executive Full Time SalesFirst Recruiting | Chicago, IL NEW Job DescriptionApply Today!Our client was established nearly 100 years ago with the mission of manufacturing and delivering the best in class commercial pi... NEW Do you match?
04/22/2019 09:27:10 96269275 25 TJNBoost30Days 2 0 3537 1 1 Design Industrial Design Graphic Design Intern - Zeithaus Co. Graphic Design Intern - Zeithaus Co. Full Time, Part Time... 1871 Member Companies | Chicago, IL NEW Job DescriptionAbout UsProvide information on the organization. What is its mission? What the goals? Why would someone want to work there?Our Mission: To i... NEW Do you match?


We at the KZ team had been deliberating this for a very very long time.
Every time we meet a trader, a merchant, a supplier, a distiller, a farmer, we see a diverse range of wares to which we are incredibly selective and meticulous.
Part to why we had started procuring oils, is because our students and many of our friends had been requesting them, and we needed to seek out classical high quality ones that everyone can take to as a learning reference.
Take for example the Cambodia Classic, the search took about a year, we sampled over 200 "cambodis" from all sorts of sources, suppliers, and couldn't find one that hit the right note, high quality and value for money, until we found this. I remembered the first encounter with this oil, I chided the trader because it took him so long to be willing to show and share it with me. He says it is very normal not for young and early clients to get a chance to sample the very best. It takes a while to build the relationship and trust, due to the limited supply, it is not simply about the money, but a matter of who should get it and whether they will appreciate/enjoy it. In his words, if everyone wanted or has been shown the best, then how could he sell the more average ones?
On the other hand, we've been also digging our grubby fingers into the overseas markets, like how we brought back this sandalwood oil that a Taiwanese suppler had constantly stocked pile for the religious communities to use over the past few decades.
What is our business model on this? Don't drop your jaw on this. We're looking at narrow margins for ourself, in the spirit of sharing.
We're not here to corner the market or to disrupt it, but just to share good scents.
This is not in anyway to rock the boat for the oud trade. There are many esteemed oud distillers, oud sellers that we at the KZ team respect a lot, these guys out there like Ensar Oud, Agaraura, Alshareef Oud, Feel Oud, Imperial Oud etc.. they all distill and produce some of the very best ouds in the world, many of them are regal, luxurious and immaculate. You shouldn't look anywhere else if you are looking for the best ouds in the world.
What we are doing here is just to provide you scents that we personally use, and personally feel that they punch above their weight in the "cost" factor. Our enterprise has many other aspects that sustains its business, as such we thought we can see whether we can try out narrow margins for the first time. Will it work? We don't know, may be in due time we have to increase the margins to grow the business.. but till then, we'll see.
Upcoming soon will probably be two nice oils, one, a sharp, green, metallic Hindi (due to copper), and another a Hindi-Thai blend. Haven't struck the deal with the trader on this but i've marked these two oils on my radar as i find them really enjoyable. Inshallah, I hope to be able to hit the target of under a hundred dollars for a quarter tola.


I feel a little like Oprah introducing this show. Now Dan and Andrea have been with us for quite a while and they are a great addition (your opinion may vary).
Well, we thought we would do something a little different this week… are you ready for it? Are you sure you can handle it?
DEENA IS A GUEST ON THE SHOW (in my best screaming "everyone's getting a car!" voice)!!!!!
Deena graced us with her presence (and we graced her with our presents) at the celebration of her marriage. We love you SO much that we schlepped the mobile studio all the way out to the suburbs just to give you the chance to hear her biting wit again.
Enjoy this episode.. we're still going strong, even if our refractory period is a little longer than it used to be (we're just not 18 anymore).
You are currently browsing the Drink 'til We're Funny blog archives for November, 2007.


Envescent provides VoIP for less money then conventional phone service. Our solutions also scale far more efficiently. Imagine having as many incoming or outgoing calls as your business can take, and every excess call always routed to the right voicemail box when there is noone available. Voicemails can be automatically emailed to your account when you're away from your desk for easy access from anywhere.
Every voice over IP solution is customized for the client site. VoIP systems can scale as clients grow their company and volume of call traffic. The only requirement is a stable, high speed Internet connection and the desire to save on telephony costs.
Contact us for more information about what we can do for your Arlington, Virginia small business.


Book Nook, Book Dealers - Retail, listed under "Book Dealers - Retail" category, is located at 70 Town Sq Blairsville GA, 30512 and can be reached by 7067457076 phone number. Book Nook has currently 0 reviews.
Browse all Book Dealers - Retail in Blairsville GA. Discover census data for Blairsville, GA.


With most innovations, you wonder why no one had thought of the life changing idea before. How obvious it feels in hindsight. It could be the miniscule MP3 player in your pocket with hundreds of albums ready to be heard, or maybe the camera in your mobile phone that means you have found a passion for photography you never knew you had.
In 1989, at the Tokyo Motor show, Toyota displayed a brand new concept car to the world and from that day the Recreational Active Vehicle with four-wheel drive was born.
Fortunately, we now know and love it as the Toyota RAV4.
Before its launch people seemed content with the choices they had for their next car. Maybe it would be a compact saloon or hatchback, or if they needed more of an all-weather vehicle then any number of large 4x4s were available.
As soon as the RAV4 was launched in May 1994, the public immediately had another choice, as overnight Toyota had quite simply created a previously unheard of segment, that of the compact crossover SUV.
Now you could enjoy the best of both worlds. A practical car that seated four in comfort, that was built with a car-like 'monocoque' body-shell and the dynamic handling of a good road car. But should the terrain or weather deteriorate you had the reassurance of a high seating position and the ability and ground clearance of a large 4x4.
It was an immediate hit. People loved the way the RAV4 looked and drove. With individual styling that incorporated rugged rubber protective mouldings and a powerful 2-litre 16-valve engine that could accelerate as well as most hot hatchback cars, Toyota soon had to double production forecasts to keep up with demand.
Offered initially in a two-door body format, the range soon grew two years later (1996) to include a four-door version with the same 2-litre engine and an option of a five-speed manual or four-speed automatic gearbox.
Coinciding with a mild refresh to the range came the first and only soft-top RAV4 in 1998. Appealing to those who love wind-in-their-hair motoring, the cabriolet proved to be a funky, but short-lived addition to the range as it wasn't repeated when the much-anticipated next generation arrived on the scene.
The second generation RAV4 was released into a much busier market segment in 2000. Other manufacturers had seen the worldwide success of the RAV4 and copied the format. The new model rose to the challenge by incorporating components that were 70% unique to the RAV4 and packaged in a roomier and stiffer body shell, so ride quality and noise levels were improved further.
To remain successful in what was now a very competitive segment of the market, the RAV4 was updated further with the third generation a more grown-up model, in 2006. Like the previous generation, the stiffened body shell reduced noise and vibration further, but the most notable change was the adoption of a part-time four-wheel drive system. This combined for the first time in this segment the traction and stability systems into one, moving away from full-time four-wheel drive to aid fuel consumption and emissions.
Following the successful introduction of an all-electric 'generation one' RAV4 exclusively in California in 1997, a collaboration between Tesla Motors and the Toyota Technical Centre in Michigan in 2010 saw RAV4's EV offering brought bang up-to-date (still only for the US). Complying with California's stringent zero emissions program and sold predominantly to leasing companies, the new joint venture produced a RAV4 equipped with a modern lithium ion battery, 154bhp electric motor and a driving range of 113 miles – a real technical achievement at the time.
With the launch of the latest fourth generation model in the spring of 2013, the RAV4 matured elegantly with the times. The new exterior styling you are in no doubt that it is still a RAV4, but it has become sleeker, and more refined, while still embodying the go-anywhere spirit of the original.
The same playful DNA of that innovative first model is still obvious in the way it drives, whether it is the urban commute or an off-road trail, the new RAV4 has driving enjoyment at its heart.
Incorporating a new premium interior along with advanced driver aids such as the Integrated Dynamic Drive System, that adapts the steering and suspension perfectly to the roads you're driving, the RAV4's sumptuous interior and well-balanced ride quality make you feel like your sat in a car from a higher price bracket.
Over 20 years ago the RAV4 changed the way people perceived an everyday car. Immediately it allowed drivers a freedom and flexibility only found in much bigger, heavier and more expensive cars at the time. No longer was it a choice of accommodating saloon, flexible hatchback or dependable 4x4 – it was simply RAV4.
Meet our new Toyota 4x4 Ambassador Toyota hits the road with adventure photographer @lebackpacker History of Toyota sports cars Since the 1960s, Toyota has surprised and delighted people with its interpretation of what makes an engaging, exciting and entertaining sports car. Many of these have gone on to earn iconic status, and it's a selection of these landmark Toyotas sports cars that we are celebrate here. 2000GT - History of Toyota sports cars Famous for its starring role alongside Sean Connery in the 1967 James Bond film You Only Live Twice, the Toyota 2000GT arrived on the world stage in the same year and instantly made a statement that Toyota was serious about challenging the best sports cars Europe had to offer. COROLLA - History of Toyota sports cars On the face of it, Toyota's most well-known family car – and the world's best-selling vehicle – the Corolla, would seem out of place in the company of highly-focused sports cars but, in truth, over the years the Corolla has produced some of the most well-loved sporting Toyotas.


Warning! GuruFocus has detected 1 Medium warning sign with HSBC. Click here to check it out.
London-based HSBC has about 4,000 offices in 70 countries and is among the largest banks in the world. It operates in Europe, Asia, the Middle East and North Africa, and North America. The bank provides commercial banking, global banking, and wealth management, among other services.


Want to be notified of new releases in duckduckgo/opera-zeroclickinfo?
This repository has been deprecated. Our current extension (which is compatible with the latest Opera) can be found at: https://github.com/duckduckgo/duckduckgo-privacy-extension.
More info at the help page.


text:
All Minor League Sports/ American Association/ Baseball/ Independent
American Association Releases 2022 Schedule
Robert Pannier 2022 Schedule, American Association	 November 10, 2021
MOORHEAD, MN – The American Association of Professional Baseball has released the 2022 league schedule which includes the debut of a new member, division realignment, and a new playoff format. The American Association will play a 100-game season in 116 days. Opening Day is set for Friday, May 13 and the regular season will conclude on Monday, September 5 (Labor Day).
DOWNLOAD 2022 AMERICAN ASSOCIATION SCHEDULE HERE
The 2022 season will kick off with a full six-game slate on Friday, May 13 and will feature the first-ever game of the Lake Country DockHounds, who will face their cross-town rival Milwaukee Milkmen at the Milkmen's Franklin Field in Franklin, Wisc. The DockHounds, based in Oconomowoc, Wisc., will open the newly constructed Wisconsin Brewing Company Park on Friday, May 20 against the Winnipeg Goldeyes.
The American Association is split into the East Division and West Division for the 2022 season. The East Division is comprised of the Chicago Dogs, Cleburne Railroaders, Gary SouthShore RailCats, Kane County Cougars, Lake Country DockHounds, and Milwaukee Milkmen. The West Division members are the Fargo-Moorhead RedHawks, Kansas City Monarchs, Lincoln Saltdogs, Sioux City Explorers, Sioux Falls Canaries, and Winnipeg Goldeyes.
After experimenting with a play-in game for the Post-Season in 2021, the American Association Board of Directors voted to expand the post-season once again. In 2022, the top four teams in each division will advance to the playoffs. In a nod to innovation, and to reward the clubs with the best regular seasons, the club that wins the division will pick their first-round opponent of the qualifiers within the division for the best-of-three Division Playoff Series.
In the second round, the Division Championship Series will also be a best-of-three series. The Miles Wolff Cup Finals will culminate in the crowning of a league champion, with a best-of-five series to determine the league champion. Both three-game series will be a 1-2 format for game location, while the Wolff Cup Finals will employ the traditional 2-3 format.
The American Association will bring back the All-Star Game in 2022, which will be played on Tuesday, July 12 at a site to be announced at a later date. The plan is for a two-day celebration of American Association baseball, with events also scheduled for Monday, July 11.
"The American Association again put together the 2022 schedule looking to innovate and provide our fans with the most exciting possible regular season and playoffs," said Commissioner Joshua Schaub. "To that end, I believe the introduction of an expanded playoff will invigorate all fans bases toward the end of the season and the picking of playoff opponents by division champions will be a unique and awesome marketing event for the league."
‹ TWITA: Milwaukee Milkmen OF, PURE Performance MVP Adam Brett Walker II	› This Week in Heartlanders Hockey with Rob Pannier – Goalie Trevin Kozlowski

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaCommonCrawl


However, in combination with other behaviors, cellulite can be effectively managed.
These ingredients improve cellulite by accelerating local metabolism of the affected area and creating a detoxifying effect. This includes, but is not limited to, creating vasodilation that empowers blood flow through the concerned zone, bringing fresh oxygen, and reactivating fat cell metabolism to improve triglyceride breakdown (lipolysis). It also helps by neutralizing and removing accumulated toxins from fluid stagnation, which shall be managed by the lymphatic system. Circulatory stimulants, in combination with other methods or applied to the skin prior to a wrap, can support the additional penetration of actives into the skin and enhance overall benefits.
Highly-micronized green coffee extract is proven-effective to ensure complete absorption of powerful actives, such as chlorogenic acid, caffeic acid, and phenolic acid. When layered with a fast-absorbing niacin gel and a green coffee concentrate, this combination enhances blood circulation, stimulates lipolysis to break down fat, and promotes an increased, diuretic output that flushes out toxins.
Scrubs can assist in creating mechanical vasodilation of the area, bringing forth benefits of the circulatory stimulators and toxin drainage. They also improve the external aspect of the skin by increasing cellular mitosis that promotes smoother texture and enhances penetration of other actives that assist in the management of cellulite. A massage that is executed with mechanical exfoliants can stimulate both blood flow and, to some degree, lymphatic flow. Acid exfoliants cannot truly provide any benefits to cellulite.
This therapy generates local heat that promotes vasodilation, with all the consequent benefits as stated previously. In addition, the sustained warm temperatures assist in stimulating lipolysis and induce local sweating, helping to excrete some toxins out of the area to contribute to the bottom line of improving the condition.
Wraps are mainstream body treatments in aesthetic therapies that can assist in the improvement of cellulitic skin. This is done by creating a controlled microenvironment conducive of increasing local skin temperature, generating vasodilation, stimulating lipolysis, and promoting enhanced penetration of actives. The wraps also contribute to detoxification through perspiration. Ingredients such as green coffee, applied to the skin in a layered fashion and then wrapped for a period of time, can help increase local fat cell metabolism with the stimulation of fat breakdown, toxin reduction, and delivery of antioxidants into the skin to support management of the condition.
These ingredients may help stimulate cellular activity and also assist with a favorable catabolic effect at a subcutaneous level. They cannot do much by themselves, but in combination with ci rculatory stimulants and other methods, they can support a healthier cell metabolism that can add up to controlling and reducing lipogenesis.
This therapy is effective in improving cellulite because it manages fluid-retention reduction from the affected areas. It also has the additional benefit of removing excess toxins that have accumulated over time. Proper lymphatic drainage can be very beneficial for a multitude of associated disorders. Cellulite is a multifactorial disorder; lymphatic drainage can be useful, but quite limited on its own.
This therapy generates increased vasodilation and firming of the skin through surface retexturing. The smoothing benefits of this therapy come from thermal energy on the skin's proteins, such as collagen, that shorten and tighten the skin. In addition, acceleration of local cell metabolism favors lipolysis to further improve the condition.
Lasers, machine-assisted massages, liposuction, and other modalities like ultrasound and mesotherapy, can all support management of cellulitic skin by increasing lipolysis, reducing fluid accumulation, firming the skin, and smoothing the surface.
Exercise is definitely recommended to improve the condition as it can stimulate circulation through vasodilation, lymphatic drainage, lipolysis, and firming of the area. By itself, it may not be enough to improve cellulite, but in combination with a proper diet and other therapies, it can speed up results.
These therapies are not very effective on their own. They increase vasodilation with a potential for additional fat breakdown and other benefits, but the results may be extremely slow.
Christian Jurist's passion for aesthetic medicine led him to focus on the aesthetic and medical aesthetic industries. As a published author in many of the industry's most recognized publications, he delivers clinical-level expertise specifically tailored to each audience for optimum comprehension and implementation. His training programs offer an enhanced level of education. By uniquely combining years of teaching experience, educational seminar circuits, CEU, and master classes at tradeshows and forums, he delivers an unparalleled learning experience. After leading a comprehensive, 14-month medical aesthetics curriculum at Florida College of Natural Health., Jurist joined Pevonia International as medical director of global education.


text:
Interview with Author Solveig Eggerz
Solveig Eggerz
ED- Late last year the publisher joined the ranks of the prestigious Virginia Writer's Club, and was introduced to the many great writers who made up this organization. Since then his publication, The Eerie Digest, has begun to introduce its readers to the many genres that these great authors excel in. Therefore we are very proud to present author Solveig Eggerz to our legions of readers. Solveig you were a native of Iceland and moved to the United States. What were the circumstances that made you choose this country to move to.
SE-My father was in the Icelandic foreign service. We lived in England for five years, then we moved to Washington, DC. I practically grew up here, that is, I lived here from age 7 to 13, so I had deep roots in this country. After that we moved to Germany, and for four years I attended boarding school in Iceland. Later I received a scholarship to attend the University of Kansas. After graduation from KU, I decided to stay in this country.
ED- Tell us about the educational background that you have had, and the degrees that you earned in the fields that you chose.
SE-I graduted from the Secondary School of Reykjavik with a baccalaureate. My bachelor's degree from KU is in International Relations. I received a master's degree and a PhD from Catholic University in Comparative Literature with a focus on medieval works.
ED- You also had a background in journalism. Can you tell us about this aspect of your life?
SE- I was a reporter for Roll Call for one year. After that I submitted regularly to the late Washington Daily News. Then we moved to Alexandria, VA, where my three children were born. During the years they were growing up, I wrote for the Alexandria Port-Packet (now Alexandria Gazette-Packet), first as a reporter and later as a columnist. All my life I have contributed articles to newspapers and journals.
ED- You also have a family history of writers that have influenced you. Please tell us all about them.
SE- Sorting through my grandparents' estate, I discovered that my grandfather, Sigurður Eggerz, who was a government official in several capacities all his life, including prime minister, had another side to him. He wrote and published many plays that depicted his political views, that is, how government should serve the people. He published a book of essays, reflecting his many experiences. But poetry was his true love, and his "God Almighty Rules" was put to music and is played as a consolation to all those who have lost loved ones in the sea on the annual Day of the Sailor in Iceland. His grandfather, Friðrik Eggerz, a minister and a farmer, wrote a 2 volume autobiography when he was in his 80s. These books describe the history and sociology of the region where he lived and are still read today as a source of information on how people lived in the 18th century. But my father was the greatest influence on me. I watched him struggle with his writing during all his years in the foreign service. In the evening after work, he wrote short stories, novels, and non-fiction. But it wasn't until he retired as ambassador to Bonn, Germany, at age 70, that he began to publish his material. All his books were best sellers. As he lay dying, I spent many hours at his bedside in Iceland. We talked about his two unfinished manuscripts. I was concerned about how to edit them and render them into publishable form. "I'll edit them," he said. "Write your own book." I promised I would. That conversation took place in 1994. It wasn't until 2001 that I drafted Seal Woman. By 2003, it was ready to be published. I dedicated the book to Petur Eggerz, my father. His pattern was similar to mine. Mine children were born 1976 to 1982. In the evening, after they'd gone to bed, I wrote and wrote. Often I simply wrote short articles for the paper, but I was also collecting materials for a different novel, not Seal Woman. This year I finally revised that early novel, and it is now with my agent.
ED- Your novel, 'Seal Woman', is based in part on your experiences as a young girl in your native country. Please inform our readers about the origin of the title of your book and the similarities to the story within it.
SE- At age 14, I began to spend summers on a farm that was owned by my mother's cousin and her husband. They had four children, so I developed a close relationship to this family. Many of the farm scenes in the book—the milking and haying, for example—are derived from those experiences although my aunt's farm was not as primitive as the one in the book. Yet the smells, tastes, and sounds of those days came back to me when I began writing. Later, as an adult I developed a photography hobby devoted solely to taking pictures of the tiny world of Icelandic wildflowers, berries, and other plants. I would lie on my stomach with my old Pentax 2000 and try to capture the dew on a leaf, the hairs on a stalk. Since trees are only now beginning to appear as forests in Iceland, so much growth happens on the earth itself. For example, plants that hug the earth reflect the bright fall colors we see on leaves in this country. I became fascinated by the life of these plants, their medicinal properties, their role in the diets of Icelanders. An unattractive lichen known as mountain grass had several medicinal properties and was valued for its ability to heal the respiratory and gastrointestinal system. The novel is informed by the legend of the seal woman or the "selkie." This story of a creature who is of two worlds, for she is both seal and woman, is characteristic of small islands with cold climates, a rocky coast, and conditions that hamper vision. The last mentioned includes fog, precipitation, mist, darkness, which all occur on the coasts of Scotland (especially Shetland and Orkney), Ireland, the Faroe Islands, and Iceland. The legend is a romantic tragedy. Either a farmer or a fisherman falls in love with a beautiful creature, only to discover that she is really a seal. She lives on land with him and starts a family, that is, until she hears the "call." It is a call from her other life, from another world, so to speak. Just as the seal experienced a metamorphosis that rendered her a woman, so is she now transformed back to her original state as a seal. When mother returns to her seal children, the story has a happy ending, but for the children she abandons on land it is a tragedy.
ED- Please explain the theme of your book and describe the main protagonists in it.
SE- The theme is really a psychological one. It is the idea that we as human beings carry within us vast worlds. Everything that we have ever experienced continues to live within us long after the experience is over. If the experiences are traumatic or not integrated into our current lives, our past will continue to surface through dreams, sudden images, and insistent memories. Charlotte is a woman who leaves Berlin to start a new life on a farm in Iceland. She thinks she can simply forget about the past and move on. But her late husband, Max, and his disappearance into the Holocaust haunt her. So does their daughter, whose fate was unresolved when Charlotte left Berlin. The sense of being of two worlds threatens Charlotte's new life with her farmer husband. Her mental searching for the lost child sometimes seems to eclipse her love for her "new" children, Tryggvi and Henrik. Her mother-in-law, known only as "the old woman," an earth mother person, provides a bridge to Charlotte's healing. So does Charlotte's revived love of art. The inspiration for the story came from an historic event that occurred after World War II. Icelandic farmers looked to Germany for farm labor. They offered one year contracts to work on farms. As a consequence 314 Germans, two thirds of them women, migrated to Iceland. What Charlotte experienced on the farm was similar to what these documented women discovered: hard work, primitive conditions, isolation, culture shock. But what interested me most was the silence that I suspected that the migrants encountered. I interviewed people who had lived in the countryside where the German women took jobs. They confirmed that they never asked the newcomers about what happened in Germany. First there was the language problem, second I was told that they didn't ask "out of consideration" for the women's feelings, and third, they may not have wanted to know more about the horrors of World War II. This discovery fed the second aspect of the theme—if we experience profound drama and never have an opportunity to discuss it, to "unload" it, or to process it, we suffer psychological damage. Charlotte was that kind of a person, one who badly needed to share her experiences. She rarely had the opportunity, and her memories became a malignant element in her psyche.
ED- please tell our readers about the many awards and recognitions that 'Seal Woman' has received.
SE- Seal Woman won the best fiction award in 2003 from the Maryland Writers Association; it was "Editor's Choice" Nov. 2008 in Historical Novel's Review; it was a finalist for the 2009 Eric Hoffer award; the American Association of University Women selected it as its January 2010 book-of-the-month.
ED- Where can our readers find it, and who is the publisher?
SE- The publisher is Ghost Road Press in Denver. You can order it through Amazon.com or buy it at Borders at Pentagon City or at independent book stores.
ED- We also discovered that you do much volunteer work for women's shelters in Washington, DC and you conduct Storytelling and Writer's Workshops for them. Please describe some of this notable work that you perform.
SE- I have experimented with combining storytelling with writing, that is, I will tell a story, usually a folk or fairy tale, then ask questions about the story. The women interpret these stories differently, depending on their experiences. They write answers to specific questions. Then we discuss what the story meant to them. I have done this at two very different DC shelters: One was a residency program for women who fulfill certain rquirements to qualify. The other was a day shelter that offered women meals and showers but no beds. As a result, the responses to the writing program were very different from one shelter to the next. I told the legend of the seal woman in both shelters and received very interesting responses. Unfortunately, I have had to curtail volunteer work during the past two years due to my day job; however, in future I look forward to working with these women again. I would also like to develop a writing program for a female inmate population.
ED- Solveig, it is an honor and a privilege to know you, and I want to personally thank you for having this interview with The Eerie Digest magazine. We want to wish you the best of luck in all that you do, and I know that our readers will be looking to read your work.
This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 1st, 2011 at 12:45 am	and is filed under Spotlight. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.


Compatible product replacing KX-FA83X (Black)Delivery contents and capacity/coverage: 2x Cartridge (2x Black with each aprox. 2.500 pages), information about coverage based on prints with 5% page coverage on A4For use in Panasonic KX-FL M 650, KX-FL M 651, KX-FL 511 (G), KX-FL 512, KX-FL 513, KX-FL 540 (G), KX-FL 541, KX-FL 543, KX-FL 611 (G), KX-FL 612, KX-FL 613, KX-FL M650, KX-FL M651, KX-FL511, KX-FL511G, KX-FL512, KX-FL513, KX-FL540, KX-FL540G, KX-FL541, KX-FL543, KX-FL611, KX-FL611G, KX-FL612, KX-FL613Eurotone: Huge selection of compatible products and accessories for your printer. 100% compatible und perfectly fitting. Strict quality directives and rigid inspections ensure top quality and hassle-free products! Just unbox, install and continue printing.


text:
My Illustrated Review – The Three Date Rule by Jillian Jones
Gallery Leave a comment May 3, 2019 Jayne Kingsley
Jillian Jones
The Three Date Rule
A contemporary romance with a twist. Wealthy property entrepreneur, Ryan Jensen, has a chance meeting with single mum, Kate Morgan, only to experience a premonition of their future together as a married couple. It was certainly a unique twist on the meet-cute and was thoroughly enjoyable.
Ryan has a past that has led to trust issues, as well as anxiety/panic attacks around certain situations. He takes his privacy very seriously and has never found anyone he wants to spend his life with, until Kate. His premonitions have never led him wrong in business, so why would they for something as important as this?
Kate's ex is a wealthy guy used to getting what he wants. The father of her children, he's done a number on her, and she's determined that she'll never let that type of guy into her life again. Her attraction to Ryan is instant, but he's just another wealthy guy looking for a good time, isn't he?
This story is lovely, taking the reader on a romantic trip from the Melbourne Cup, to skiing in Switzerland and Christmas markets in Austria. Both Ryan and Kate had many issues to overcome, and it became a real rollercoaster ride of emotions. I liked how to author spun a lot of things around, for e.g. the no sex before the third date – was Ryan's rule, not Kate's. It's a very emotional read, with a lot of depth behind both characters.
This is the first story I've read of this author, and I look forward to the release of her next!
Below I've sketched a scene from the book which stood out for me, you'll just have to read the book to work out why 😉
My Illustrated Review – The Problem with Perfect by Megan Mayfair
Gallery Leave a comment March 13, 2019 Jayne Kingsley
Megan Mayfair
The Problem with Perfect
Crooked Cat Books
Another enthralling and beautifully written book by author Megan Mayfair.
I was lucky enough to get to beta read this novel, and boy did it have me hooked. I didn't immediately warm to Marigold in Tangled Vines, but a few chapters into her story, Problem with Perfect, and I loved her (and not just due to her fashion sense).
Marigold Doyle's life is turned upside down when her husband unexpectedly passes. Missing major details at work, she is put on gardening leave – a fate worse than death for workaholic Marigold – and to top that off she receives a mysterious call about her late husbands' apartment. An apartment she knows nothing about.
Finn Schröder is a swoon worthy former police officer, who now does private security. An event from his past still haunts him, and he dearly wants to live a simple uncomplicated life. Having done some work for the Doyle empire previously, he is the only person Marigold feels she can contact about her problem. Agreeing to help (and in secret from Marigold's father) Finn feels conflicted about the situation, especially when real feelings evolve between Marigold and himself.
There are plenty of twists and turns and I was furiously scouring the pages for answers until the very last page. Megan has plotted a delicious slow burn romance, with a strong mystery story line that has both main characters questioning what is most important in life.
Plus, that cover!
Below are two sketches of Marigold Doyle – serious fashionista this one!
My Illustrated Review – Falling for Miss Write by Joanne Dannon
Gallery 1 Comment March 7, 2019 Jayne Kingsley
Joanne Dannon
Falling for Miss Write
This is the second book in the Bachelor Down Under Series which follows the story of Felix, the brother of the hero in Book 1. Not having read the first book, I still found this easy to follow.
Project Manager Felix Randall has a questionable past and has made a lot of mistakes leading him to this point in his life. He has a loving family, and deeply in love parents. He's reached a point in his life where he wants to re-build his image and find someone to love, and who will love him in return. A relationship like his parents share. Problem is—everyone knows him as a serial playboy who has slept with half of Melbourne.
Charlotte Glass has known Felix since high school. He's attractive to be sure, but he's not the guy for her. Not just because he's a playboy, but because he is controlling. Having grown up with three brothers ruling her every move, Charlotte doesn't want to date someone like that. Or does she?
Charlotte works as a barrister/baker at a café and is an aspiring writer. Felix is searching for a new job but feels his only option would be to move to New Zealand where his reputation won't follow him. Seeing Charlotte again at his brother's wedding, a mutual attraction begins to simmer between the two. What starts out as a fun couple of dates, becomes a deeper connection as both share their sordid pasts and connect on an emotional and sexual level.
The conflict between these two is clear. They might have similar mistakes in their pasts they aren't proud of, but both have solid reasons to steer clear of a relationship with the other. I enjoyed Charlottes character; she was strong yet fun and knew her own mind. Being an aspiring writer myself I could feel her struggle with sharing that information with others. Felix's past was hard to swallow, but the author did a good job on ensuring this topic was explored at length between the characters and they were both very honest with each other creating a stronger relationship at the end.
This story is grittier than the authors previous offerings. What started as a one book story has become a series, and after this book we can look forward to reading Charlotte's brothers stories!
Below is my sketch of Charlotte:
My Illustrated Review – Forbidden to Want by JC Harroway
Gallery Leave a comment February 2, 2019 Jayne Kingsley
JC Harroway
Forbidden to Want
Harlequin Dare
Mia Abbot is a strong, sexy New Zealander, newly arrived in London to complete a promotional film for the Faulkner group. Emotionally scarred when it comes to love, she's never entertained the idea of a lasting relationship, or any relationship for that matter. Her life is all about freedom, and on her terms.
Billionaire Kit Faulkner is barely living, recovering from the loss of his wife. He does the bare minimum to cope at work, with his two brothers covering for him. Damaged, he finds himself having to work with Mia, a woman who strangely attracts him, yet he knows he shouldn't even consider.
Forced proximity, and an animal attraction that neither can deny (nor have any issues putting out in the open) lead to a lusty enthralling encounter. It was only meant to be the one time to get it out of their systems, yet neither have.
Kit knows he can't offer anything more than sex to Mia, even if she's getting under his skin and into his mind in a way he can't ignore. Mia's strength starts to falter as she realises, she's falling for a man who is still in love with someone else.
I really enjoyed this book. It ticked all the Dare boxes for me, with plenty of glamorous scenes that had me dreaming of London. Plus, that cover!!! I really felt the connection between Mia and Kit, the depth that the author built into their characters was truly beautiful. I loved watching Kit come back from the dark side through his interactions with Mia, and how much be fought to not fall in love. Especially the ending, it was one of those books that left me smiling brightly and sighing with love.
The little glimpses of the brothers in this story have me excited to read the rest of the series!
The two sketches below are of Mia, when she first meets Kit, and then when she's all dressed up at a 1920's themed event, looking sinfully sexy.
My Illustrated Review – The Shape of Us by Lisa Ireland
Gallery Leave a comment January 11, 2019 Jayne Kingsley
The Shape of Us by Lisa Ireland
Macmillan Australia
This is a beautiful story about four diverse and very different women who meet and become friends through an online weight loss forum.
Mezz is a Dr., who set aside youthful dreams of travelling and healing the world when she met her husband. Three kids later, she feels like she's failing at being a mother, wife and is a second-rate doctor. She's overweight, and tired of how she looks, and worried her husband will stray.
Kat is a childcare educator who will do anything to keep her daughter Ami happy and safe. Her relationship with Ami's dad is rocky, but she's sure if she loses her baby weight it will all be fine.
Jewels is happily married, runs a business she loves and is all around fabulous. But to fall pregnant with the baby she desperately wants, she knows she needs to lose weight. A lot of weight.
Ellie's put her career on the back-burner for love, even moving to another country. But her partner is always busy with work and she's lonely. The kg's just keep creeping on and she's not sure where she's going in life. What happened to the former version of herself from London?
This book was one of my all-time favourite reads from 2018. The premise really appealed for many reasons, and I was intrigued to read a book about friendship through weight loss.
Except this was SO much more than that. Their journey isn't about weight loss though it may have started there. It's about their friendship, their lives, their relationships and their happiness. The author created characters that were so lifelike, and I felt every emotion they did throughout the novel. It was a very relatable and moving novel. (Yes – buy tissues! I cried buckets 🙂 )
The underlying message that happiness can't be found through loosing weight and one's appearance was strong, and important. I am a mum to two daughters and ensuring they have a healthy appreciation for living a happy and healthy life is one of my main aims. I want them to be happy within themselves, not based on their weight. I think this is an important topic for females and this book explored it in a thought provoking and sensitive way.
This story showcased how important female friendship is. If you haven't read it yet, it needs to go on your TBR list. Like now!
Below are my sketches of Mezz, Jewels, Kat and Ellie. These women are beautiful, inside and out.
My Illustrated Review – Tumble by Clare Griffin
Gallery 1 Comment January 2, 2019 Jayne Kingsley
Tumble by Clare Griffin
This book took me back in time! Back to my high school days, a different mindset and a seriously fun ride. I'll admit it's been a while since I've read YA (ok, a long while, but let's not get bogged down on details relating to my age) and I'd forgotten how good they are. I had moments of thinking like a parent and wondering at some of the heroine's antics but once I threw that hat off and just enjoyed the ride; I have to say this was a brilliant read.
Emma Reynolds wants to ace year 12. Her life is all mapped out, her career plans on track, and she's not interested in letting anything get in the way. Except maybe her long-time crush. I really enjoyed Emma's enthusiasm for life. Her character was very believable for her age and I loved that she had an inner strength and direction she was willing to work at.
The love triangle that came clear a few chapters into the book was well executed, and all the characters (including secondary ones) were well rounded and had their own qualities. I felt immersed in the world the author built and really enjoyed the trip down memory lane, into the minefield of teenage drama and love.
The novel touches on some deeper issues but does so in a thoughtful and realistic way. I admit I didn't see the major turn of events for the main character coming; I had thought it would be something else, but I really enjoyed being surprised.
This is definitely a book I'd recommend to anyone who loves YA or who wants to turn back time and re-live the twists and turns of high-school anguish over first love and life. I eagerly await a follow up to Tumble (Hint, hint ;))
The images I've sketched (ok there are four, I couldn't choose) are all of Emma, and key outfits on her year 12 adventure.
My Illustrated Review – Catching London by MV Ellis
Gallery Leave a comment November 23, 2018 Jayne Kingsley
Catching London by MV Ellis
Publisher: Hot Tree Publishing
I was super excited to read Catching London. I fell in love with the cover after seeing it on Instagram, whilst knowing nothing about the actual story. It delivered in spades and big congratulations to the author – this is an amazing debut novel. I can't wait to get stuck into the next books in this series, a short novella (Cold, Heart and Heartless) and the story told from the hero's POV (Pushing Arlo).
Arlo Jones is a millionaire bad boy Rockstar, only having to crook a finger to get what he wants. Initially he thinks London Llwellyn is just another groupie trying to get into his pants, until she slaps him, and walks away. London isn't interested in getting involved with anyone, especially bad boy Arlo. He has bad news written all over him, but when he offers her a job of a lifetime, how can she refuse? No, you're right, she can't! And boy is that a fun adventure to experience.
Catching London contains a fair amount of language and has a high heat level. The language threw me a little at first, but once I got to know the characters it worked. The author really created a whole world, and atmosphere for the reader.
I didn't like the hero, Arlo, at first, wanting to give him a good smack over the head until he saw sense, but (my feelings aside) he was absolutely true to character, and his actions really emphasised the growth he experienced and made me fall that much more in love with him by the end.
The heroine, London, I loved from the get-go. She's got an inner strength that really shone on the pages, and you could feel every emotion, high and low, that she went through. I was gunning for her to win her man and get everything she dreamed of.
There are some epic big romance scenes in this book and it left me dreaming of flitting off to Paris, experiencing a rock star life, and everything else in between.
The images I've sketched below are both of London Llwellyn at key points in the story.
https://form.jotform.co/form/90308699157872


text:
Basic Information

                    Display Name

                            <input type="text" class="form-control" id="settings-name">

                    Legal / Trading Name

                            <input type="text" class="form-control" id="settings-legal-name">

                    What is your line of business?

                            <input type="text" class="form-control" id="settings-line-business">

                    Business Registration/ Tin Number

                            <input type="text" class="form-control" id="settings-tin-number">

                    Organization Description

                            <textarea class="form-control" rows="5" id="settings-description"></textarea>

Address Details

                Physical Address

                            <input type="text" class="form-control" placeholder="Street Address" id="settings-street-address">

                            <input type="text" class="form-control" placeholder="Town/City" id="settings-city">

                                <input type="text" class="form-control" placeholder="State/province" id="settings-province">

                                <input type="text" class="form-control" placeholder="Postal/Zip Code" id="settings-zip">

                            <input type="text" class="form-control" placeholder="Country" id="settings-country">

Contact Details

                Telephone

                        <input type="text" class="form-control" id="settings-telephone">

                Mobile

                        <input type="text" class="form-control" id="settings-phone">

                Fax

                        <input type="text" class="form-control" id="settings-fax">

                     Website

                        <input type="text" class="form-control" id="settings-website">

                     Skype

                        <input type="text" class="form-control" id="settings-skype">

                     Twitter

                        <input type="text" class="form-control" id="settings-twitter">

                     LinkedIn

                        <input type="text" class="form-control" id="settings-linkedin">

                     Facebook

                        <input type="text" class="form-control" id="settings-facebook">

                    <button class="btn btn-primary pull-right" id="settings-org-update">
                        Update Information
                    </button>

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaGithub


text:
Q: Sorting for Ajax Combo-Box I am wondering if there is any other way of sorting ajax combo box apart from this following example;
Public Class ListItemComparer
    Implements IComparer(Of ListItem)

    Public Function Compare(ByVal x As ListItem, ByVal y As ListItem) As Integer _
        Implements IComparer(Of ListItem).Compare

        Dim c As New CaseInsensitiveComparer
        Return c.Compare(x.Text, y.Text)
    End Function
End Class

Public Shared Sub SortDropDown(ByVal cbo As AjaxControlToolkit.ComboBox)
    Dim lstListItems As New List(Of ListItem)
    For Each li As ListItem In cbo.Items
        lstListItems.Add(li)
    Next
    lstListItems.Sort(New ListItemComparer)
    cbo.Items.Clear()
    cbo.Items.AddRange(lstListItems.ToArray)
End Sub

----------Binding and Sorting Combo-Box----------
    ddlClients.DataTextField = "ClientName"
    ddlClients.DataValueField = "ClientID"
    ddlClients.DataBind()

    SortDropDown(ddlClients)

In the SP, i am using order by clause on Client Name but somehow combox doesn't bind ClientNames in order.
I like to to place this function in CommonFunction Class so i can call it from different places within the project. I am not able to add the above function in the BusinessLayer becuase of 'AjaxControlToolkit.ComboBox'

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaStackExchange


text:
Bernard Barillot (1949- ) : peintre et calligraphe français.
 Léon Barillot (1844-1929) :  graveur, peintre animalier et paysagiste français.

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaWikipedia


Print this MOTIVATIONAL AND INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES – Lilla Liptak collection of Funny Quotes Garden for free that are delivered in high definition,And we have add Funny Quotes Garden post ; Alfred Lord Tennyson Love Quote Made on von WhiteCellarDoor auf Etsy and Don't be afraid to start over. | Thoughts | Deeper Thoughts | Inspirational Quotes… maybe you like them.
Browse MOTIVATIONAL AND INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES – Lilla Liptak similar Funny Quotes Garden in Motivational Quotes archive. MOTIVATIONAL AND INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES – Lilla Liptak, Funny Quotes Garden has viewed by 189 users.
Print this MOTIVATIONAL AND INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES – Lilla Liptak for free in Good resolution. MOTIVATIONAL AND INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES – Lilla Liptak was posted in April 8, 2019 at 7:26 pm. This MOTIVATIONAL AND INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES – Lilla Liptak has viewed by 190 users. If you wanna have it as yours, please click the Funny Quotes Garden and you will go to printable page, so you just press print this link of the Funny Quotes Garden that you want in "Print this", Click it and print the MOTIVATIONAL AND INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES – Lilla Liptak.


text:
Q: Spring applications can't communicate when put in Docker I have 2 spring REST applications (gateway/security) that communicate with each other.
When I send a login request to the gateway, the gateway forwards it to the security application where it is checked whether the user has the correct rights. if this is the case, an account will be returned. This works great on my local pc, but when I put it in docker it stops working.
I tried:

*

*Sending via POSTMAN a post request direct to the security server, this works

*Sending via POSTMAN a post request direct to the gateway with the wrong data to check if I got a custom made error, this worked too.

*Using it without using docker, this worked.

My docker-compose looks like.

Code where I think it goes wrong (This is in the gateway application when I try to send it to the security application):

If I need to provide more data, let me know

A: This is wrong way of doing it. First thumb rule of docker is not to use localhost at all.
You need to use the name of the service in your docker compose and you should depend on docker container to container communication.
So in your case the url should be like below
String url = "http://security:8083/auth/login";

Also as best practice never write urls directly into your code. Always take them using application.properties in your code and then later override them using the environment variables. This make sure that your code can run in different environments by just overriding environment variables and they don't need a code change


text:
You are here: DesignWIKI » My Commonplace Book » Funny Stories
Trace: • Funny Stories
cpb:funny_stories
EuroEnglish
Frog Seeks Boat
Top 5 Reasons Why Treat-or-treating Is Better Than Sex
Canadian Penis Taxes
The Holy Land
Dearest Redneck Son
Signs for Stupid People
The Rude Parrot
A Bad Morning
The Angel and the Christmas Tree
A funny thing happened on the way….
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the"k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away. By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru!
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her name plate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack.
So, he says, "Mrs. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."
Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
The frog says "$300,000."
The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it is OK, he knows the bank manager.
Patti explains that $300,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan.
She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about a half an inch tall. Bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says: "There is a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $300,000. And he wants to use this as collateral."
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a rolling stone."
For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep, not enough sunshine, too much pressure from my job, earwax buildup, poor blood or anything else I could think of.
But now I found out the real reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked!
The population of this country is 30 million.
11 million are retired. That leaves 19 million to do the work.
There are 5.5 million in school, which leaves 13.5 million to do the work.
Of this there are 3 million employed by the federal government, leaving 10.5 million to do the work.!!
1 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing the Taliban. Which leaves 9.5 million to do the work.
Take from the total the 7 million people who work for provincial and city governments And that leaves 2.5 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 476,000 people in hospitals, Leaving 2,024,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons and 812,000 on Employment Insurance and Welfare. That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me.
And there you are sitting on your ass, at your computer, reading jokes.
Nice, real nice….
5) You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack. 4) If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again. 3) The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some. 2) If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door. 1) YOU CAN DO THE WHOLE NEIGHBOURHOOD.
The only thing that Revenue Canada has not yet taxed is the penis. This is due to the fact that
40% of the time, it is just hanging around unemployed,
30% of the time, it's hard up,
20% of the time, it's pissed off, and
10% of the time, it's in the hole.
It also has two dependents, but they're both nuts.
Effective 1 January, 2008, penises will be taxed according to size. The brackets are:
10" - 12": Luxury Tax
8" - 10": Pole Tax
5" - 8": Privilege Tax
4" - 5": Nuisance Tax
Males exceeding 12" must file under capital gains; those under 4" are eligible for a refund.
Please do not ask for an extension!
Issues still to be resolved:
Are there penalties for early withdrawal?
Do multiple partners count as a corporation?
Are condoms deductible as "work clothes"?
A guy goes on vacation to the Holy Land with his wife and mother-in-law. The mother-in-law dies. They go to an undertaker who explains that they can ship the body home but that it'll cost over $5000, whereas they can bury her in the Holy Land for only $150.
The guy says, "We'll ship her home."
The undertaker asks, "Are you sure? That's an awfully big expense and we can do a very nice burial here."
The guy says, "Look, 2000 years ago they buried a guy here and three days later he rose from the dead. I can't take the chance."
Dearest Redneck Son,
I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your Dad read in the newspaper that almost all accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last Arkansas family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well, though. Last week I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain. We haven't seen them since.
The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days.
About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy Bob said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.
Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle. The baby looks just like your brother.
Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated, he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.
There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has happened.
Your Favorite Aunt,
P.S. I was going to enclose $25 but I already sealed the envelope.
Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say "I'm Stupid." That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me…oops, never mind. I didn't see your sign."
It's like before my wife & I moved from Texas to California. Our house was full of boxes & there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My friend comes over & says, "Hey, you moving?" "Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."
A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big 'ol stringer of bass & this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?" "Nope. Talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign."
I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test it. "All right Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good…They want you to jump into this pool of sharks, & you tell us if it hurts when they bite you." "Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it."
Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me, & I swear he said, "Tire go flat?" I couldn't resist. I said, "Nope. I was driving around & those other three just swelled right up on me. Here's your sign."
We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the house & drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down & grabs the exhaust pipe, then goes, "Wow, that's hot!" See? If he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.
A guy named David received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully grown, with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude.
David tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of to try and set a good example. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird yelled back. He shook the bird and the bird just got more angry and more rude. Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer.
For a few moments he heard the bird squawk and kick and scream. Then suddenly there was quiet. Not a sound for half a minute. David was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto David's extended arm and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I will endeavour at once to correct my behaviour. I really am truly sorry and beg your forgiveness."
David was astonished at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what had made such a dramatic change when the parrot glanced back at the freezer and continued, "May I ask what the chicken did?"
Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife.
Tearfully, she explained, "It's the druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone." Immediately the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apology.
Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, "Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I locked the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook."
He continued, "Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels; the phone was still ringing. When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer that made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it half of them hit the floor and broke.
Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. And believe me Mister, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her!"
One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip… but there were problems everywhere.
Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then, Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hid the liquor and there was nothing to drink.
In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffee pot and broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from.
Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree? Where would you like me to stick it?"
Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
Collection Index
cpb/funny_stories.txt · Last modified: 2020.03.12 13:30 (external edit)