text:
At The Bar Jokes
I was standing at the bar of Terminal 3 in the International Airport when this small Chinese guy comes in, stands next to me, and starts drinking a beer
I asked him, "Do you know any of those martial arts things, like Kung-Fu, Karate, or Ju-Jitsu?"
He says "No, why the f\*\*k would you ask me that? Is it because I am Chinese?"
"No", I said, "It's because you're drinking my beer, you little prick."
I was at the bar waiting to finally meet a girl that I'd been chatting with on the internet when I got a tap on the shoulder.
"Are you Steve?" the woman asked with a smile.
"You're fucking gorgeous!" I burst out in delight. "Yes, I am Steve."
"Great," she replied. "There's some fat bitch over there looking for you!"
A man at the bar realizes it's getting late and pays his tab to go home
As he tries to get off the stool, he immediately falls flat on his face. "Uh oh, I must have drunk more than I thought," he thinks.
He manages to drag himself over to the front door and pull himself upright, but as soon as he takes a step outside, he falls on his face again.
"Hoo boy, I r...
I picked up a girl at the bar the other day.
She took me back to her house where things got hot and heavy very quickly.
I bent her over the kitchen table and started going at it when suddenly we heard the front door open. "Oh shit, it's my boyfriend ! " she exclaimed "Quick, use the backdoor" .
Now it's at about this time I pro...
I just found out that I am seriously poor at 'reading' women. I was just sat at the bar earlier, when this stunning lass sat beside me. She leaned in to whisper something, and like a fucking idiot I automatically thought she was trying to flirt with me.
Turned out she just wanted to tell me how nice my arse looks in these jeans.
I was at the bar the other night ...
... and overheard three very big ol' fat women talking at the bar. They all spoke with a heavy brogue accent.
I made an unfortunate assumption that their accents appeared to be Scottish… so I approached and asked, "Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland?"
One of them angrily screec...
A man walks into an old pub in Dublin, takes a seat at the bar and orders 3 pints.
After he is served he takes sips from them in turn and when all 3 glasses are finally empty he orders 3 more. The barkeeper, who has been watching him, has never seen such a weird style of drinking and says to the man: "You know when you leave a beer for too long it goes flat, so they would taste be...
Don't let a dog buy you a drink at the bar.
You're gonna get woofied.
Overheard at the bar
I'm not under the affluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am.
It's just that the drunker I sit here, the longer I get.
[OC] A crossdresser walks into a pub and takes a seat at the bar..
The man sitting next to him says "You can't sit there."
"Oh yeah," replies the crossdresser, "What are you, the *bar police*?"
"No," he says, "I'm the transit authority."
A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink. "Is everything okay, pal?" the bartender asks. "My wife and I got into a fight and she said she wasn't going to talk to me for a month."
Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says, "Well, maybe that's kind of a good thing. You know... a little peace and quiet?"
"Yeah. But today is the last day..."
The bartender yelled at me when I left my stool at the bar.
"Why did you even bring this in here?!?" he cried.
Moshe was sitting at the bar staring at his drink when…
a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to him, grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swig and menacingly says,
"Thanks Jew Boy, whatcha going to do about it?"
Moshe burst into tears.
"Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can't stand to see a man cryi...
Last night I got really drunk at the bar, so I took a bus home.
Which might not seem like a big deal, but I've never driven a bus before.
A guy walks into a bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink.
A couple of minutes later, he hears a disembodied voice say "Nice shirt." He looks around, but there's no one nearby that could've said it.
Confused, he shrugs it off. A few moments later, he hears the same voice, "I like your tie, too." He quickly looks around. No one is even near him.
Three female friends are at the bar, bragging about how much sex they get.
Somehow, this conversation gets to bragging about how loose they all are.
The first one says, "I get so much sex, I can fit two dicks at once, no problem!"
The second says, "Oh yeah? I get double- fisted every weekend and it feels great!"
They look at their third friend, and say...
A was man drowning his sorrows at the bar. A beautiful woman sat down beside him and asked, "What is wrong?"
He said: "My wife just left me because I am too kinky in bed."
The lady gasped, "My husband left me for the same reason!"
A few drinks later, they end up at her place and she says: "I'm going to the bathroom to change into something 'more comfortable.'
Ten minutes later, she ...
A man and a woman are sitting at the bar ...
A man and a woman are sitting at the bar one night, drinking their problems away.
After a time, the man decides to ask the woman, "What's the matter, you seem really down?" The woman responds, "Well, it's just that my husband left me."
The man looked surprised as the woman was ...
I was sitting next to Floridaman at the bar the other night when an Aerosmith song came on.
He swears it's called " Loving an alligator ", but I don't think that's right.
There is a sign at the bar that says no glasses in the bathroom
That's really going to mess up my aim...
A guy is drinking real hard at the bar one night...
even though he promised his wife he won't because he always gets too drunk. After many drinks he decided it's time to go. He pays his tab and pushes himself off of the bar stool. He lands face first on the floor. So he pulled himself back up onto the bar stool. After a few minutes and a cup of coffe...
A man goes home with a woman he met at the bar.
When they get back to her place, she says, "I didn't want to tell you before, but I've got a fetish. I'd love it if you fucked me with your big toe."
The man, an agreeable sort, goes ahead and does it. Has a pretty good time. But a few days later, he notices his toe is red and inflamed, then...
Husband at the bar with Larry the ladies man .....
Husband asked Larry. "Man Larry how do you do it with the ladies to satisfy them everytime" Larry looks at the husband right in the eyes and said" want to know my secret? Right before your about to get down to business with your wife go in the bathroom grab your cock and slam it against the bathroom...
I'm at the bar right now (getting food I'm not an alcoholic I promise) and…
There's these two guys are arguing and one asked "Jerry, howcome you got so many grandkids and I don't?"
And he answers, "I taught my kids how to multiply"
I fuckin' lost it
A man is at the bar, talking about his best friend, Max, being interested in his girlfriend.
"I understand I may be overreacting, but I'm still kinda worried like what happened to my ex." The bartender tells him "You'll be fine, just ask if there's a misunderstanding and try to clear it up." He thanks the bartender and goes home.
When he opened the door, he found Max having sex with ...
At the bar last night, a woman got her nipple pierced right in front of me
. On a related note...…………………. I suck at darts.
[at the bar] BARTENDER: more ice?
STEVE MILLER: some people call me that yes
A man with a harelip sits down at the bar
"Bartender, one thcoth and thoda, please", he says. "One thcoth and thoda, comin' up", says the barkeep. "Hey!" says the guy with the harelip, "are you teathin' me?" "No way!" says the bartender, "thath juth the way I talk!". Another guy comes in and sits down. "I'd like a scotch and soda, please". ...
A guy orders a beer at the bar.
The bartender puts the beer pint in front of him with the coaster under the glass.
Guy drinks his beer and orders another one, the bartender picks up the beer glass but doesn't find a coaster and thinks nothing of it and serves the guy another round.
A few rounds like that and the guy...
I was sitting at the bar enjoying a drink to myself When next thing the door opened and in walked the most stunning woman I've ever laid eyes on.
5'11'' tall, stunning blue eyes, silky blonde hair, an hourglass figure.
Barely covered by a tiny mini skirt and a flimsy cotton top. I could see she was not wearing a bra and her incredibly firm breasts were on show.
After watching her walk in I turned back to my beer. No sooner had...
3 nuns are at the bar together, having some drinks, bullshitting
1st nun says, "Hey guys, I'm so loose, I can get an entire fist up there."
2nd nun takes a shot, says, "That's nothing! I'm so loose, I can get *two* whole fists up there and still have room to clap."
Well they both look at the 3rd nun who says nothing, but starts sliding down the bar ...
Sitting next to an old guy at the bar.
He says to me "When I was 16, I couldn't bend my dick using both hands. Now I'm 73 and I can push it over with my little finger. Does that mean I'm getting stronger?"
Guy goes to the bar at the airport before his plane departs when a beautiful young woman sits at the bar beside him..
She is wearing a uniform and he reckons she's obviously an air steward.. He nods at her and says the Qantas slogan "you're the reason we fly" and winks at her.. She ignores him ... "hmm, not Qantas" he thinks, so he tries "Fly the friendly skies"? .. no reaction "OK, it's not United Airlines either"...
at the bar…
MAN: Hello ladies, love your English accents…
WOMAN 1: They're Welsh accents.
MAN: Well, may I buy you Welshland ladies a drink?
WOMAN 2: It's *Wales*, you idiot!
MAN: Sorry, may I buy you two *whales* a drink?
What do Russians play at the bar?
Snooker Blyat
Unbeknownst to his wife, Steve has secretly been drinking at the bar all day.
He looks at his phone only to realize that its 2a.m. and he should be getting home before his wife is pissed.
He tries to stand up but falls flat on his face. Deciding he needs to sober up, he gets some water and waits an hour. Again, he tries to stand up. Again, he falls flat on his face.
I saw a sad Dallas Cowboys fan at the bar, so I bought him a beer and asked him what's wrong...
"See, it's like this, sir... I found a lamp at the beach, an' when I rubbed it, a big genie appeared in a cloud of smoke. It really was sumpthin', I tells ya. Anyhow, He says 'You have three wishes'... and well, I'm not good at thinkin' on my feet, and under pressure, so I kinda said 'Gee, I wish ...
A male praying mantis sees a hot praying mantis at the bar
"Hey girl... you want go back to my place?"
"fuck off!"
"OK, woman, no need for you to bite my head off...unless you want to."
Two guys chatting at the bar....
One says, "I committed an embarrassing faux pas this morning. Went to the travel agency to buy some plane tickets. The young girl had the most spectacular breasts and I accidentally asked for two plane-titties" His mate replies, "Oh yes. I did the exact same thing this morning. Went to ask my w...
Shamus Murphy was enjoying a pint at the bar, when he saw someone who looked very familiar
Aye! You look familiar, what is your name?
Me name is Angus Murphy.
You don't say? M'name is Shamus Murphy!
You don' say? Did you grow up in the town of Derry?
I did! Did you go to Saint Anthony's?
I did! Did you have an Aunt named Mildred?
I did! Did your f...
A shy guy goes into a pub and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar.
After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?".
She responds by yelling, at the top of her voice, "NO! I will not sleep with you!".
Everyone at the bar is now staring at them. Natural...
Some Texans are mingling at the bar
Some Texans are mingling at the bar when an Oxford graduate walks in. "Howdy, stranger," one Texan says. "Where are you from?" The Oxford graduate answers, "I come from a place where we do not end our sentences in prepositions." "Oh, I'm sorry," replies the Texan. "Where are you from, jackass?"
So I met a girl at the bar
Nothing really interesting about her. Her hair was on fire, yeah.
In my opinion she was really selfish. It was all about *her.*
"Help *me"*
"Put *me* out."
"*I'm* not joking *I'm* on fire."
"*I'm* dying."
Two men got into a fight at the bar...
As one throws a punch, the other asks "Do you know karate?" the other man responds "No". "You don't strike me as someone who would"
I spotted my ex at the bar next door
It was ex-siting
Lionel Messi hooks up with a girl at the bar..
They both get naked
Girl: \*Runs away\* and shouts OMG your penis says AIDS
Messi: Come closer and read it again(now fully erect) its ADIDAS
I saw a girl sitting at the bar the other day, so I went over.
"What's your name?" I asked her
"Chantelle," she said. I looked at her puzzled.
"What?" I asked.
"Chantelle," she repeated. This just confused me even more.
"Come on, seriously, what's your name?" I asked.
"I told you, Chantelle!" She exclaimed.
"Fine then!"...
I was at the bar.... [NSFW]
And some lady dressed like a tramp kept trying to rub my arms. I kept telling her to quit handling me like I was her boyfriend when I didn't even know her. She wouldn't leave me alone, and finally she offered me a desktop computer in exchange for sexual favors. I swear this lady was high as a kite t...
A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink.
Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table,leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says: "I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!"
The biker look...
Tiger Wood and Bill Clinton are at the bar.
Bill has has a few drinks and decided to open up to Tiger. He says, Tiger your my oldest friend and I just have to ask. How do you keep your cock so long and hard. Tiger responds, it's simple really. Before I sleep with a woman I smack my Dick on the bed post three times as hard as I can. Bill finds...
So I was at the bar the other day...
...and suddenly, I feel a large slap on my ass.
Turning around, I spt the ugliest woman imaginable; she was large, heavily tattooed, and caked with metric tonnes of makeup.
She said to me, "Hey there, guy. I saw you over there and thought you should call me."
I loked her over on...
Some girl got her nipples pierced at the bar yesterday
I'm not very good at darts
So I was at the bar last night and a waitress screamed, "Does anyone know CPR?"
I said, "hell, I know the entire alphabet!"
Everyone laughed.... well, everyone except one guy.
A pretty blonde walks into a bar and asks the handsome fellow at the bar what he's drinking...
He says, "Magic beer. You want one?"
"Aw, that's stupid. There's no such thing" she says.
"Look, I'll show you". He takes a big swig and proceeds to throw himself out of a nearby window, where he proceeds to fly up and around the building, and back into bar window.
"That's incredibl...
The man hooking up with a lady warned her at the bar, "You should know I have a baby-sized Penis"
The lady says that's just fine and size doesn't matter.
They get to his apartment and he pulls down his pants, showing off an absolutely massive penis unlike anything she'd ever seen before.
"WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?!" she shrieks in terror.
"I told you I had a baby-sized Penis...
A drunk Irishman sees two women at the bar.
Irishman: You two ladies from England?
Girl: No, Wales.
Irishman: You two whales from England?
(NSFW) A man walks into a pub and sits down at the bar...
The female bartender asks him if he would like a drink, in which he replys:
"I would love to suck on your breasts"
"Excuse me?" The bartender said.
"I want to spank your ass" the man said rudely.
"Im going to get my husband if you dont stop!" The bartender said.
"A...
An 80 year old blind man walks into a pub and sits at the bar.
He orders a pint and tells the landlord, "I've been blind for 50 years lad. My hearing's perfectly attuned. I bet can tell you what's happening in any room in this pub."
"Oh really", says the landlord, "go ahead then".
The old man cups a hand round his ear, tilts his head to the ceil...
Two extraordinarily large horses were sitting at the bar having a beer. A guy walks in and says to the bartender. "Hey, what's with the Clydesdales?" Bartender says,
"They're draft horses."
I met an old drunk at the bar
He had a picture of his wife in his pocket. Almost every hour, he'd take it out and look at her. I asked him why and he replied, "As soon as she starts to look pretty, I know it's the time to go home."
A Husband Whispers in his Wife's Ear at the Bar
"Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the bar where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."
Yes, she says, "I remember it oh so well!"
OK, he says, "Let's go there again, and we can do it for old time's sake?"
An Englishman, A Scot and an Irishman are sitting at the bar
Three flies simultaneously land, one in each their beers.
The Englishman says "uggh..." and fussily pushes his beer away, checking his Reddit account to see if he got it right this time.
The Scotsman grabs the fly and starts shaking it, screaming "Spit it out, ya bastard!!!"
Two beautiful women approached me at the bar and asked if I'd be interested in a threesome. I had to decline...
If I wanted to disappoint two people at the same time, I'd just go out to dinner with my parents.
I saw a lonely young man sitting at the bar
He was softly singing to himself *21 today, 21 today*.
Feeling sorry for the lad I bought him a beer.
With a smile and a nod of the head he sings *22 today, 22 today*!
Fred and Charlie had been having a few beers at the bar together when suddenly they both had to take a piss.
Standing next to each other at the urinal, Fred could hardly ignore the fact that Charlie was very well endowed.
"I say, that's a remarkable donger you have there old boy," remarked Fred.
"Wasn't always that way," replied Charlie, "Medical science can do wonders with transplants these ...
A couple of shrimp were at the bar next to me, eating a bowl of fries. I went to ask if I could have one, but the bartender stopped me. "Don't bother," he said, "they won't share.
They're two shellfish."
I fell off my chair at the bar and pooped my pants
I guess I had a loose stool.
What do you call a spit take at the bar?
A brouhaha
3 rats are having a drink at the bar, bragging about how hardcore they are.
first rat says, "Guys, last night I ate a whole block of rat poison. woke up this morning, didn't even have a hangover."
"That's nothing," says the second rat. "I ate the cheese out of a rat trap today; the bar came down over my back and I just hoisted it hoisted it off and came here to meet ...
Two Scotsmen at the bar having a catch up....
1st Scotsman: Hey McBride where's Murphy?.
2nd Scotsman: Oh he's dead!.
1st Scotsman: How'd e do dat?.
2nd Scotsman: Is finger got run over by a train.
1st Scotsman: Can dat kill ya?.
2nd Scotsman: Ah no. Eee was pickin is nose at da time. 😂
It was closing time at the bar
It was closing time at the bar and across the street sat a police officer in his cruiser hoping to pick up someone for a DUI. As people were starting to leave the officer saw one man absolutely hammered with his car keys in hand stumbling towards his vehicle, as everyone got in their cars and were l...
An old man grabs a seat at the bar...
An old man grabs a seat at the bar and order a double scotch, which the barman promptly serves him. After drinking all his glass in one shot, he asks for another one, which the barman serves him.
The old man then say "How about a little friendly bet my friend?". The barman repond "why not" a...
I met a drunk ventriloquist at the bar last night.
She said I was the most handsome man she had ever seen. I wasn't sure if it was her or the beer talking.
Gary meets a girl at the bar
She agrees to take Gary home for the night. When they arrive Gary admits his secret, he's a virgin.
Not to embarrass him, she comforts Gary and says she is going to freshen up in the bathroom. While doing that, she suggests Gary go to backyard where there is a tree with a hole in it. She tel...
Three guys are sitting at the bar
The bartender asks them, "What's the matter with you guys?"
The first guy says, "My wife's always complaining and nagging. She's always on my case about not buying her new clothes...but at least I get to see this prostitute every night. The sex is great and it's only a quarter per thrust."
A guy with a wooden eye goes to the club and sees a beautiful woman standing at the bar. She happens to have a peg leg. He walks up and asks her to dance...
She says "Would I!"
He says, "I didn't want to dance with you anyway, peg leg!"
A bear walks into a bar, and sees that there isn't a single spot at the bar available
He walks up to a seat, eats the woman sitting there in a single bite, and sits down.
He orders a drink and the bartender shakes his head, "Sorry, we don't serve bears on drugs."
"I'm not on drugs," the bear replies.
"Well, that was just a bar bitch you ate!"
Do you know what J.F Kennedy says to a girl at the bar ?
Damn girl, are you a bullet ? 'Cause I can get you out of m'y head
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and and Irishman all enter a pub, sit down at the bar, and each orders a pint.
By some incredible coincidence, three flies come along and each one lands in a separate glass.
The Englishman pushes his glass away in disgust and demands that it be replaced on the house.
The Scotsman scoops the fly out of his beer, drops it on the bar top, and continues to sip.
A man approaches a beautiful woman at the bar.
He says "Excuse me - I have a magic watch and right now it's telling me you aren't wearing any underwear"
She laughs and says "well it's not very good then, because I certainly am!"
The man looks at the watch and says "Damn, it must be an hour fast!"
Guy is drinking alone at the bar, visibly sad.
The bartender comes up to him and says: "Hey man, you seem down. What's up?"
The guy replies: "We buried my dad two days ago".
The bartender says: "I'm so sorry man. When did he die?".
The guy replies: "I don't know, probably yesterday".
Sam was at the bar
As it's now 4am he decided it was time to go home to his wife who he prayed was sleeping else he'd get in shit for being at the pub so late.
So Sam went to stand up but fell over! Thinking to himself "my lord I'm drunk" he tried to stand up again but once again his legs gave out, he thought "scre...
Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
Jack says, "You know what, I bet he will." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed...
After a long night at the bar dirk wants to go home.
When he tries to get off of his chair he immediately falls to the ground, the person next to him (Kees) lifts dirk up and insisted on bringing him home. So Kees drags dirk to his car and starts driving.
The whole time dirk tries to say no but can't get it out because of the pain. Once they a...
Man is drinking late at night at the bar and when he gets up he realises he can't even walk.
He assumes that he had enough and decides to go home. He succesfully crawls to his home and quietly sneaks into the bed without awaking his wife. He passes out thinking that his wife will never find out.
In the morning his wife tells him. ,,You were drunk again last night!"
He respond...
An italian is picking up chicks at the bar
While at his favorite bar, he manages to attract one rather attractive looking blonde. So they're back at his place, and sure enough, they go at it. After a long while, he climaxes loudly.
Then he rolls over, lights up a cigarette and asks her, "So…. you finish?"
After a slight pause...
A man is at the bar drinking.
He's had a few to many and pukes on himself,he turns to his friend and says,
"my wife is going to kill me, she bought this shirt for me"
His friend says, "don't worry just put 10 bucks in your shirt pocket and tell her some drunk guy puked on you and he gave you 10 bucks becaus...
A guy goes into a bar and sees an attractive woman at the bar.
He sends her a drink and she gives him a smile. He walks over to join her and sure enough, they hit it off. They talk for a while longer and she finally says, "Listen, why don't we go back to my place for a nightcap."
They get to her place and are barely in the door before they are kissing an...
Two men at the bar.
Man 1: I fucked your mother!!!
Man 2: Let's go home Dad, you are drunk.
A man enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a pint. After he finishes , he peeks inside his shirt's pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another pint.
After he finishes, he again peeks inside his shirt's pocket and orders the bartender to bring another pint. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' drinks all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt's pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm pe...
A guy is minding his own business, drinking at the bar, when a random Asian guy runs in and kicks the living shit out of him.
He's laying on the floor bleeding, and he says, "What the hell, buddy?"
The Asian guy replies, "That was Judo, from Japan!"
A few days later, the guy is quietly drinking again, and another Asian guy runs in and also beats him senseless.
He's lying on the floor and he groans, "W...
I saw my friend Jim at the bar the other week looking almost exactly like Brad Pitt.
I came up to him and said.
"Jim! How'd you end up looking like that pal? Who's your surgeon?"
"No surgeon man, a wizard. He told me of this enchanted pool past the three mountains to the east. You will see a cliff with a pool underneath, jump off the cliff and shout what you want to l...
I was sitting at the bar alone the other day, then a pretty lady asked me if the seat is taken with a gentle smile on her face. So I said "of course not, by all means, have a seat"
"Thank you so much", she replied
And proceeded to take the chair.
Boyfriend and girlfriend go into a restaurant and sit down in a booth. There is a man sitting at the bar, checking the woman out, up and down.
As the boyfriend gets up to go to the bathroom,
the man walks over the the girlfriend, sits down
right across from her and looks her right in the
eyes. Without blinking he says, "I want to suck
your nipples raw, and fill your pussy up with
Tequila, and sip it out with a straw." Need...
Guy at the bar is so wasted that he throws up on his shirt...
He looks down and says "Man, my wife is gonna be so pissed I puked on myself again"
Guy next to him says "Do what I do, I put 10 dollars in my pocket and when my wife sees me, I tell her some asshole at the bar puked on my and gave me the 10 dollars to have it cleaned"
The drunk guy th...
I was having a beer at the bar when a mate walks in, panicked
He sits down next to me and tells me he's left his sidekick in the car, because she drives him absolutely mad and he really needed a break.
I chuckled at his irresponsible behavior before he tells me "I told her I'd be back in a few minutes, but all lights in my car are broken anyway, can't y...
Couldn't help but over-hear two guys in their mid-twenties while sitting at the bar last night
One of the guys says to his buddy: "Man you look tired." His buddy says: "Man I'm exhausted. My girlfriend and I have sex all the time. She's after me 3 and 4 times a day. I just don't know what to do."
A fellow about my age (72+), sitting a couple of stools down, also overheard the conversat...
Drinking at home compared to drinking at the bar.
Isn't working out.
I nearly asked my wife for her phone number.
A man is sitting at the bar, his head in his hands.
Bartender: What's the matter buddy?
Man: It's the worst thing ever. I caught my wife in bed with my best friend.
Bartender: Oh man that really sucks! What did you do?
Man: I told her to pack her shit and get the hell out!
Bartender: What about your best friend?
Man...
One night at the bar..
So, a fellow walks into a rather large pub in Dublin, goes up to the bar, and orders a pint of Guinness. While the bartender steps away, the fellow does that slow scan one does in a strange room to see if he knows anyone, and his eyes alight on a fellow.
The bartender returns with the pint, a...
A rich man and a poor man were sitting at the bar, having a few drinks
They got to chatting and after a while, realised both of their wedding anniversaries were the next day.
Poor man : What did you get your wife then, for tomorrow?
Rich man : I got her a pink ferrari and a diamond ring.
Poor man : Wow, what made you choose those gifts?
An attractive woman is sitting alone at the bar and sees a man with a military-style haircut sitting by himself at the other end, nursing his drink.
The woman notices that the man is looking glum and hasn't made any attempt to speak to anyone besides the barkeep. She takes a swig of liquid courage, saunters down the bar, and sits next to the man.
"Excuse me, sir, but are you a soldier? I couldn't help but notice your haircut!" The woman ...
Our hero sits down at the bar next to a beautiful woman.
He: May I buy you a drink?
She: Sure, thanks!
...after sipping at their drinks for a bit...
He: Can I smell your pussy?
She: You most certainly cannot!!
He: Oh. Then it must be your feet.
I was at the bar the other night with my buddy having some beers.
We had been there a while when two large girls came up to the bar and ordered some drinks. I noticed when they ordered they both had strong accents so I said "Hi, are you two girls from Scotland?" One of them spoke up, with quite an attitude and said "it's WALES you idiot!!!"
So I immediately...
It's Halloween and everyone's out trick-or-treating. A bartender is working the late-night shift at the bar. He looks outside and sees everyone in crazy costumes. He sighs and picks up a glass and starts cleaning it. At around midnight, a guy in a vampire costume walks in and sits at the bar.
He says to the bartender "Hi. I'm a vampire and I'd like a cup of human blood please."
The bartender looks at him skeptically. "No you're not. You're just wearing a costume."
"No, no, really," he insists. "I'm a vampire and I'd like a cup of human blood please."
"Alright," the bartender say...
A Scotsman is drinking at the bar.
"I've been layin' bricks fer twenty years" he said in a dejected tone.
"But they don't call me McGregor the bricklayer do they?!" He sipped his drink and continued.
"I've bin paintin' hooses fer thirty-five years." He continued to sip his drink, his inflection getting angrier and more ...
I saw my friend Monica at the bar
I yelled over to her "WHAT'S UP, MONICA?"
All of a sudden, I got beat up by three black guys.
I was sitting at the bar one night... (LONG)
I was seated at the bar and had just ordered another drink, when a woman sat down in the stool next to me. She ordered her drink, and then looked down and started checking her phone.
My drink came, and then hers. She put away her phone and took a long drink, and then turned to me and said "yo...
A guy meets his buddy at the bar.
He says, "I don't want to brag, but when I walked in, those two girls by the door looked at me, then both said to each other, 'nine' ". His buddy said, "Really? When I walked in, they were speaking German!"
Weatherman are like that over aggressive guy at the bar...
...always telling us how many inches we are going to get and always failing to deliver.
I met a really bad electrician at the bar last night...
At first there were some sparks, but he ended up saying some pretty nasty things to me and I left shocked.
Man plops down at the bar and
orders 12 dry martinis.
"Big occassion?" asks the bartender.
"First blowjob" says the man.
"and if 12 martinis can't get the taste out of my mouth nothing will."
This lyft driver hit on me at the bar..
He had the worst pick-up lines.
Got into an argument with a German guy at the bar
He angrily slams down his beer and asks "How many World Cups have you Americans won?"
I sneer under my breath and say"How many World Wars have you guys won"
The barkeep asks the guy sitting at the bar, "What can I get for you?" The guy answers, "A scotch, please." The bartender hands him the drink, and says "That'll be five dollars," to which the guy replies, "What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this."
A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, "You know, he's got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration."
The barkeep was not impressed, but says to the guy, "O...
A man sits down at the bar next to another man...
"Where are you from?"
"I'm from Ireland"
"I'm from Ireland too! Get this man a drink"
The second man asks
"Where in Ireland are you from?"
"I'm from Leinster"
"I'm from Leinster too! Get THIS man a drink"
"Where in Leinster are you from?"
"I'm from Dublin"
"No fuck...
It is 1am when a drunk man at the bar decided to call it a night.
He leaves the bar completely drunk, tries to take two steps and collapses miserably on the floor.
He says to himself: "Well, my poor old man, you've had a bit too much .... let's to crawl to the exit to breathe some fresh air, it'll be better afterwards".
He crawls outside an...
Met a cute guy at the bar, gave him my number and told him to text me when he got home
I guess he's homeless.
I was siting at the bar trying to forget a bad day...
I was siting at the bar trying to forget a bad day when the barman asked me if I knew the Great Pedro. Well barman, let me tell you about my day first.
I was riding my donkey towards the town, minding my own business, when this huge fella coming in the other direction gestured me to stop.
A man drinks too much and throws up on his shirt at the bar.
He's very distressed that his wife is going to be angry so the bartender tells him look man I've got you covered.
The bartender put a $10 bill in his shirt pocket and says, now go home and tell your wife that somebody else got drunk and threw up on your shirt and he gave you $10 to get it cl...
This woman at the bar called me ugly, but then I told her how much money I make
Then she called me ugly and poor
A cowboy enters a saloon with a living crocodile. He sits down at the bar, puts the crocodile on the bar and asks for a beer.
"Hey!" yells the bartender. "Away with that beast, that thing is dangerous!"
"Don't be crazy," said the cowboy, "this animal is as tame as a dog."
"Get rid of that crocodile now," said the bartender again, "it's too dangerous to have a living crocodile sitting around in my bar. If yo...
A well dressed gentleman spots an attractive lady sitting at the bar
He walks up to her and says:
"Excuse me, sorry to bother you but can I smell your pussy?"
Offended and taken aback the woman replies "No!" In a sharp and stern voice.
To which the man replies:
"Oh, it must be your feet then."
I served an old man at the bar the other day.
He made me privy to a conversation he had just had with his wife. He asked her, "If I died, would you remarry?"
His wife replied, "Well...maybe, but no guarantees".
"You can't go through life lonely", he said. "I think you should. But would you live in our house together?"
"W...
I met this strange woman at the bar last night and we went back to her place to have sex. I don't know if any of you know what a "screamer" in the bedroom is, but...
...well, she had never been with one before and it really freaked her out.
I was sitting at the bar by myself on a business trip over in Scotland...
...and there was an older gentleman all by himself at the end of the bar. I didn't know anyone there, the bartender wasn't too friendly so I stood up, walked over to the man to start up a conversation. I asked the bartender for a couple of pints and sat down next to the man.
"Hi there" I sai...
Jim was out drinking at the bar, when all of a sudden he pukes all over his shirt. "Dammit!" Jim yells "My wife is going to kill me when she finds out I was drinking and puked all over my self!"
"I have an idea" the man sitting next to him said "Here." and hands Jim a $50 bill.
"What's this for?" Jim asked.
"When you get home tonight, just tell your wife I threw up on you as you passed me on the street and I gave you the money for cleaning.".
"Great idea" Jim replies...
Bob had been at the bar too long
He felt nauseous and went to the restroom where he threw up. He went back to the bar and exclaimed tho the bartender that his wife was going to kill him because he had just thrown up all over the sleeve of the jacket his wife had just bought him.
The bartender says don't Bob, don't tell her you ...
A sad man at the bar
A man sat at a bar looking really depressed. "Why the long face?" asked the bartender
"Well, my wife got mad at me and wouldn't speak to me for a month."
"What! That's a blessing in disguise! You'll get peace and quiet for a whole month," said the bartender.
"The problem is," replied the ma...
A hot blonde girl walks up to a guy at the bar . . .
she says "Hey there gorgeous what are you drinking?"
He said"This? This is magic beer"
What do you mean magic beer?
Have a look at this - he takes a large gulp, walks up to a concrete wall and punches a hole in it
That's amazing said the girl, what else can it do?
A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon were having drinks at the bar following an interfaith meeting...
The Jew, bragging on his virility, said, "I have four sons. One more and I'll have a basketball team."
The Catholic, pooh-poohed this accomplishment, stating, "That's nothing, boy. I have 10 sons, one more and I'll have a football team."
To which the Mormon replied, "You fellas ain't g...
How did Forrest Gump's horse order his favorite drink at the bar?
Gin—NEIGHHHH
Two mates are sitting at the bar,
The first one says "Listen, you have two choices. A) Be forever with your wife or-" His friend stops him and shouts "B! B! B!"
A bartender is having a quiet night at the bar
A bartender is having a quiet night at the bar when notices a gorilla walking in. The bartender dashes towards the manager's office in a shocked expression.
"Sir, uh, we have a gorilla in the bar," says the bartender.
"Well son, go ask what they want," says the manager.
The bar...
3 guys talking at the bar about sex with their girlfriends.
Guy 1 "my girl loves it doggy style."
Guy 2 "well my old lady loves to do it 69 style."
They look at the 3rd guy. Guy 1 asks "why so quiet?"
Guy 3 seems reluctant and they encourage him.
Guy 2 "hey we told you about our girls so spill the beans"
Guy 3 "well if I ...
A man is sitting at the bar, hammered drunk...
all of a sudden he throws up all down the front of his shirt.
"Ah shit my wife's going to kill me" the man yells.
The bar tender takes pity on the man and decides to help him out "don't worry mate, just tuck a $20 note in your top pocket and say a drunk at the bar threw up on you, then...
I met with my date at the bar last night.
She was a wearing a new dress made of carpet and she asked me if I liked it.
"It's gorgeous," I said "but it would look a lot better on my bedroom floor."
Karaoke night at the bar...
... they have a pianist who's trying his best to play along with the singers and doing a fairly good job.
It goes along merry as a funeral bell till a particularly plastered and tone deaf guy takes the mic. The pianist bravely attempts to keep up, but has to give up. The drunk starts yelling ...
A man was at the bar one night...
He had a few too many when he saw three obese girls come up to the bartender and order some drinks. The man noticed they had strong accents, which grabbed his attention.
The women were there for a while and were quite loud and a bit rude. Feeling rather buzzed, the man looked over to the girl...
A man sits alone at the bar...
The bartender, who is polishing wine glasses, is the only other person nearby.
The man sitting at the bar hears a voice call out to him.
"Hey there, I like your shoes."
Not seeing anyone nearby, the perplexed man asks the bartender;
"Excuse me, did you say something?"
It's a slow night at the bar, when in walks narcissist, a millionaire, and a corrupt politician.
The bartender says "good evening Mr. President".
I didn't have the heart to tell the Jewish girl I met at the bar when she asked for my number...
I didn't have the heart to tell her we call each other by our names here
A man sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar..
.. so he approaches her. They have a few drinks, flirt and laugh a little bit and after a while, the woman invites him to come to her apartment which the man accepts right away.
They go to her apartment and start having wild sex for hours. It was the best sex the man ever had. After they fin...
I was at the bar one night and having a drink with lady that was in a wheelchair due to a car wreck that left her without her legs. Which didn't bother me at all, she was stunning. She was a tiny little thing and very beautiful, we hit it off pretty quick. So we decided to go back to her place.
We got to her place and I got the wheel chair for her and lifted her little body out of the car and rolled her inside the house. Once inside we had a few more drinks and things started to heat up between the two of us. I took off her little shirt and her little bottoms she was wearing and she tells ...
Asked a girl at the bar if she'd like to come back to my place and she said, "I wouldn't sleep with you if you were the last man on Earth."
So I replied, "If I were the last man on Earth, you wouldn't even be allowed in *line*.


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text:
Q: NW.js: If both arrays are equal not working I'm working on an IDE as a side project using NW.js and I need to detect if there's any changes to my project tree when focused.
I'm using JQuery's .each check if the files in the project folder have changed since being focused.
Here's what I have for window focused function.
win.on("focus", function() {
  var stringArray = [];
  listFiles = fs.readdirSync(__dirname + "/content/project");
  console.log("checking if there's any changes");
  $.each($("[data-nme]"), function() {
    stringArray.push(this.textContent);
  });
  var array1 = listFiles;
  var array2 = JSON.stringify(stringArray);

  console.log(array1);
  console.log(array2);

  if (array1.toString() != array2.toString()) {
    console.log("there's been a change");
  }
});

When I debug I get the following result.

I don't understand why it says there's a difference with the array when it's the exact same.
if (array1.toString() != array2.toString()) {
  console.log("there's been a change");
}

A: The error is in the way you check equality. One of the array is JSON.stringified the other is not. Don't use JSON.stringify(stringArray) for defining array2.
var foo = ["bar"];
foo.toString();

Outputs : "foo"
JSON.stringify(foo).toString()

Outputs : "["foo"]"
This condition should be working (haven't tested) :
 if (array1.toString() != stringArray.toString()) {
    console.log("there's been a change");
  }

if you want the best option to compare arrays check this one :
How to compare arrays in JavaScript?

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaStackExchange


text:
layout: single
title: "AWS CLI: Modify volume size"
date: 2018-02-05 11:27
modified: 2018-02-05 11:27
categories: til
tags:
  - awscli
  - til
---

Here's how to modify the size of the volume attached to an EC2 instance "my_ec2":

- First identify the instance ID from the instance name:

```bash
$ jq -r '.Reservations[0].Instances[0].InstanceId' \
    <(aws ec2 describe-instances --filters Name="tag:Name",Values="bfg-devbox")
i-02f8f997c05932f66
```

- Then identify the ID of the attached volume:

```bash
$ jq -r '.Volumes[0].VolumeId' \
    <(aws ec2 describe-volumes --filter Name="attachment.instance-id",Values="i-02f8f997c05932f66")
vol-0abf653a810ee073b
```

- And now you can modify the volume size:

```bash
aws ec2 modify-volume --volume-id vol-0abf653a810ee073b --size 256 --dry-run
```

Via AWS
[describe-instances](https://docs.aws.amazon.com/cli/latest/reference/ec2/describe-instances.html),
[describe-volumes](https://docs.aws.amazon.com/cli/latest/reference/ec2/describe-volumes.html),
and [modify-volume](https://docs.aws.amazon.com/cli/latest/reference/ec2/modify-volume.html)
docs.

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaGithub


Bernard is a legend in the global film industry, in tandem with his Sony Pictures Classics co-president/co-founder, Michael Barker. Over a long career that began at United Artists in 1980 and continued at Orion Classics, which he also co-founded with Barker, his films have received more than 160 Oscar noms, including several for best picture — "Whiplash," "Amour," "Midnight in Paris" and "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." More recently, SPC won best adapted screenplay for "Call Me by Your Name" and best foreign language film for "A Fantastic Woman." While many companies and executives enter the specialty-film space, not all live to tell. Their method of locking and loading commercially successful indies has proven itself successful time and again.
Chairman Fox Searchlight's co-chair, along with Nancy Utley, has steered the studio to perennial Oscar contention.
Chairman, Motion Picture Group Known for his hard-charging style, the studio longtimer is starting to breath new life into the long-suffering Sony Pictures.
Want more information on Tom Bernard?


The Trade Desk and Segmint will combine analytics of customer transactions, always-on marketing, and real-time bidding to offer banks secure 1-to-1 marketing across the Internet.
A strategic partnership between The Trade Desk and Segmint will give banks the ability to leverage their customer data for targeted 1-on-1 marketing on the Internet, according to an Oct 27 press release.
Trade Desk's Demand Side Platform will be integrated with the SegmintOne end-to-end marketing solution. Typically, financial institutions will feed transaction data into the Segmint platform, then Segmint will use that data to determine Key Life Style Indicators (KLIs)—such as spending patterns, shopping preferences, favorite brands and restaurants.
The system then attempts to find a match between a customer's KLI and a KLI-targeted campaign. With the Trade Desk integration, if a match is found, a bid on ad space is made instantly, and if won, a personalized message can be placed on millions of websites. (Segmint offers examples of a public website, consumer online banking site, business online banking site, mobile site, card portal, or a loyalty and rewards portal).
The companies stressed that the technology adheres to all regulatory requirements, including the Gramm-Leach-Bliley Act and Federal Financial Institutions Examination Council. The SegmintOne system ingests 12 to 24 months of first party and third-party data, then "anonymizes" the data to make it not accept personally identifiable information (such as a full name, phone number, home address, or social security number). As VentureBeat reported, customer transaction data is assigned a token so the customer can be targeted but not identified.
RTInsights Take: Banks have been constrained in their marketing due to regulations governing privacy of customer data. The ability to get around those restrictions by not using personal identifying information yet still precisely target customers on a massive scale through a media buying platform seems compelling.


text:
Tua Tagovailoa
NFL NFL QBs Photoshopped as Women is Pure Internet Gold John Duffley, 5:36pm, January 19
The National Football League's offseason is a black hole between the Super Bowl and the premiere of HBO's "Hard Knocks"…
College Football The 21 Greatest SEC Quarterbacks of All Time, Ranked John Duffley, 2:38pm, January 11
Every single SEC team has had a terrific quarterback at one point. Some, like the Florida Gators, have had multiple…
Alabama 2nd-and-26: Relive Alabama's Title, As Told By Crimson Tide Fans John Duffley, 3:59pm, January 7
Several iconic national championship games took place over the last 20 years. Who could forget Vince Young's heroics in the…
Alabama The 10 Best Quarterbacks in Alabama Crimson Tide History, Ranked Chris Morgan, The League 5:35pm, December 7
The Alabama Crimson Tide have been rolling in recent years under Nick Saban. Since Saban took over as head coach,…
NFL Todd McShay's NFL Draft Coverage Helped Make Him Rich Patrick Pinak, Staff Writer 5:25pm, April 19
Every year, when NFL Draft season rolls around, there are two names you absolutely need to know. The first is…
Alabama Tua Tagovailoa's High School Tape Proves He Was Destined for Greatness Matt Kovitz, The League 12:37pm, February 3
Tua Tagovailoa has a long career ahead of him. The Alabama Crimson Tide star was drafted by the Miami Dolphins…
Alabama Tua Tagovailoa's Miami Dolphins Jersey is Already a Best-Seller Allison Johnson, Commerce Writer, 5:22pm, October 30
The Tua Tagovailoa Era in Florida is about to begin. The former Alabama Crimson Tide quarterback was the Miami Dolphin's…
Alabama Tua Tagovailoa's Parents Showed Tough Love to Mold a Superstar Patrick Pinak, Staff Writer 2:54pm, October 20
Former Alabama quarterback Tua Tagovailoa is the best passer to ever don the crimson and white, and that's not even…
Alabama Jalen Hurts Fired a 55-Yard Bomb for His First Alabama TD Patrick Pinak, Staff Writer 4:37pm, September 8
Jalen Hurts' freshman season at Alabama was mystifying. The four-star dual-threat quarterback came to Tuscaloosa from Channelview, Texas, and immediately…
Alabama Tua Tagovailoa's First Alabama TD Gave Birth to a Superstar Brett R., Original Author 3:32pm, August 28
The first game at Bryant-Denny Stadium each season is a giant party. Fans arrive in Tuscaloosa ready to kick off…
Alabama New Tua Tagovailoa Documentary Releases Official Trailer Brett R., Original Author 5:38pm, August 12
Tua Tagovailoa is a star. There's no better way to put it. What he did with the Alabama Crimson Tide…
Alabama Taulia Tagovailoa Leaves Alabama, Joins Big Ten Conference John Duffley, 8:08pm, May 15
UPDATE (May 15, 2020): Shortly after entering the NCAA Transfer Portal, Taulia Tagovailoa announced his transfer destination after his freshman…
Alabama Tua Tagovailoa Surprises Mom With New SUV Patrick Pinak, Staff Writer 12:56pm, May 11
Former Alabama Crimson Tide quarterback Tua Tagovailoa became a multi-millionaire the instant the Miami Dolphins selected him with the fifth…
SEC SEC Smashes Record for Most 1st Round NFL Draft Picks Associated Press , 10:13am, April 24
The first round of the NFL draft opened and closed with players from the Southeastern Conference, a fitting way to…
Alabama Tua Tagovailoa, Jalen Hurts Reunite for Inspiring Commercial John Duffley, 6:07pm, April 23
There may never be two quarterbacks on the same team quite like Jalen Hurts and Tua Tagovailoa. On one hand,…
Alabama Is Tua Tagovailoa The Most Overrated Player In The NFL Draft? John Duffley, 6:00pm, April 22
Tua Tagovailoa is all but set to become a first-round pick in the 2020 NFL Draft, and he and his…
Alabama Jalen Hurts' Parents Believed When The Doubters Were Loudest John Duffley, 1:20pm, April 21
When we knew him as Alabama quarterback Jalen Hurts, the Channelview, Texas native seemed untouchable. His first action came against…
Alabama Henry Ruggs Ran 6th-Fastest 40-Yard Dash in NFL Combine History Patrick Pinak, Staff Writer 5:00pm, April 20
There is fast, and there is Alabama wide receiver Henry Ruggs III fast. Some have even referred to him as…

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaCommonCrawl


If you're heading off on holiday, or you're a frequent traveller for work, you need travel and luggage bags that you can rely on. That's why we offer a wide range of baggage here at Westfield, with styles to suit every season.
We have a range of hard and soft suitcases in a variety of different sizes on offer, available with wheels to make getting from A to B a breeze. In addition, we also offer a host of carry-on bag options if you need to keep your essentials with you during your journey, or just travel light.
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text:
namespace linear {

class SSLClientImpl : public ClientImpl {
 public:
  SSLClientImpl(const linear::weak_ptr<linear::Handler>& handler,
                const linear::SSLContext& context,
                const linear::EventLoop& loop)
    : ClientImpl(handler, loop, true), context_(context) {}
  ~SSLClientImpl() {}
  void SetSSLContext(const linear::SSLContext& context) {
    context_ = context;
  }
  linear::SSLSocket CreateSocket(const std::string& hostname, int port,
                                 const linear::weak_ptr<linear::HandlerDelegate>& delegate) {
    return CreateSocket(hostname, port, context_, delegate);
  }
  linear::SSLSocket CreateSocket(const std::string& hostname, int port,
                                 const linear::SSLContext& context,
                                 const linear::weak_ptr<linear::HandlerDelegate>& delegate) {
    return SSLSocket(shared_ptr<SSLSocketImpl>(new SSLSocketImpl(hostname, port, context, loop_, delegate)));
  }
 private:
  linear::SSLContext context_;
};

}

#endif // LINEAR_SSL_CLIENT_IMPL_H_


Our Berlin travel guide for unforgettable holidays up to -70% off To take advantage of these offers, join now for free!
Discover the Best Information for unforgettable holidays to Berlin. Advices, tips, best locations, itineraries and more. Find the ultimate Berlin Travel Guide.
Berlin is a city of extremes — where orthodoxies have been challenged for centuries, and the past loudly clashes with the present.
It is the city of Weimar cabaret and Stasi surveillance; of hipster start-ups and opulent opera houses. Of Marlene Dietrich and Josef Goebbels. It's been at the cutting-edge of innovation and sealed off from progress. There is no city with a comparable history.
As a result of its unique backstory and vibrant atmosphere, there are few more interesting places to visit for a short break or longer stay. And if you don't fancy Berlin's unusual tourist trail, there's always the food, the museums and the shopping. And don't forget the nightlife!
Berlin has a more predictable and less rainy climate than the UK. The temperatures can get quite low during winter, and average at around just 2 or 3ºC. As Berlin is kitted out for exploration, walks and al-fresco eating and drinking, it is best enjoyed between the months of March and September, where temperatures can range from a cool 13ºC in early spring up to a high summer average of 24ºC.
High season (i.e. July and August) is best avoided, as costs such as plane tickets and accommodation can rise. May and June therefore allow you to enjoy the pleasant weather at less expense than the so-called 'open air season', in which Berlin begins to head outside for the warmer months and celebrate with a packed cultural calendar.
If you did wish to brave the cold winter months, there's plenty to do — but make sure you wrap up tight!
The best way to get to Berlin from the UK is by plane, which will take around two hours or so, giving or taking half an hour depending on the airport. Flights from Paris will take around 1h45m; Madrid flights 3h; and Rome flights will take 2h10m.
Mainland Europe is well served by cross-country train services, but most trains from Western Europe will still clock up quite a few hours. Direct trains from Paris will take 10 hours, Amsterdam and Brussels around 6. Southern European locations such as Rome or Madrid will take considerably longer, and will require several changes. Warsaw and Prague will take 6 and 4 hours respectively.
If you planned to drive to Berlin from the UK, then you'll need to prepare for a road trip! The drive will be at least 12 hours.
If you're a EU citizen, then you'll only need your passport to visit Berlin. Non-EU citizens can stay for up to 90 days are free to do so with only their passport, but any person(s) staying for longer than that will need a visa from the German consulate.
Hotel Palace Berlin: This hotel is part of the prestigious "Leading Hotels in the World" consortium, and offers a superb stay in a beautiful setting. Situated close to the upmarket Ku'Damm area, as well as the Zoologischer Garten, it is the perfect place to unwind.
Hotel de Rome: Situated in an old bank building, the Hotel de Rome allows you superb access to the beautiful Unter den Linden and Museum Island areas. Come for the spa (in a former jewel vault), stay for the roof terrace.
COSMO Hotel: If you're looking for something a bit edgier, then look no further than the fantastic COSMO. Right in the heart of the buzzing Mitte district (formerly of East Berlin), you'll be able to explore both sides of the city easily.
Hotel Q!: Hotel Q! offers contemporary style and in a superb setting near the Zoo and Tiergarten. It's a Trip Advisor Travellers' Choice Award winner too.
Berlin is a world centre of culture — and this ranges from traditionalist to the thoroughly avant-garde. As both the capital of Germany and the de facto world capital of cool, it offers something for everyone.
Though the cold can bite in the new year, Berlin is still worth a visit. Berlin Fashion Week, Berlin Short Film Festival and the prestigious Berlin Film Festival all take place during January and February.
In March, you can celebrate the coming of spring with the jovial, carnivalesque Spring Festival — expect rides, food and fun near Tegel Airport. In May, 'open air season' takes place, kicking off with raucous May Day celebrations in Kreuzberg, and all day parties for Karnival de Kulturen.
Summer kicks off with musical celebrations at Fete de La Musique in June, with free gigs all over the city. The Jewish Film Festival builds on the unique cultural offering of the Jewish Museum, and also takes place in July. Classical open-air concerts also take place at the Gendarmenmarkt, and an enchanting trip to the Botanical Night at the Botanical Garden is not to be missed.
The autumn months will also have you spoilt for choice: try Oktoberfest, the German Day of Unity (1-3rd October) and Jazzfest Berlin from 1-4th November.
From there, it's all about the countdown to Christmas, and Berlin certainly excels on that front — the legendary Berliner Weinachtszeit Christmas markets are open from around 25th November.
However, there's no need to visit Berlin just for the events. Throughout the year, you'll be spoilt for choice as to the museums, exhibitions and other cultural happenings that take place in the city.
Firstly, subway, tram and bus tickets operate on something of an honour system. You can travel for weeks without having your tickets checked. But that doesn't mean you don't need one — conductors are often plain-clothed and don't accept excuses for not having a valid pass.
Recycling (particularly glass bottles) is often left on the streets by a recycling bin, rather than inside it. This is because homeless people are able to trade in the bottles for cash.
Tipping is non-obligatory, and staff are paid a living wage. But that isn't to say that tipping isn't perfectly A-OK if you've enjoyed your meal.
It's important to see both sides of Berlin, as visiting East and West only serves to make the other more remarkable. But don't bite off more than you can chew: some areas of East Berlin can be quite edgy, so don't visit on weekends or late at night if you're not sure what to expect. You will, however, find plenty to see and do in the daytime in such areas, for the whole family. West Berlin is beautiful but far more expensive, so don't expect the cheap-and-cheerful side of Berlin in the more salubrious areas such as K'Damm.
A few choice bottles of beer never go amiss (beer is both plentiful and cheap in the city), as is a memento of Berlin sights such as Checkpoint Charlie or the iconic green men at crossing points in the eastern section. Perhaps best of all, pick up a book or a trinket from one of the many fleamarkets (Mauerpark is a classic).
Berlin's sole currency is the Euro.
Berlin lies in the CET timezone – UTC +1 hour, which is 1 hour ahead of London time.
What language is spoken in Berlin?
Aside from German, Engish is the most commonly spoken language, followed by Turkish, Arabic and Russian.
Berlin could be explored for weeks if you had the time — the wealth of creativity in the city means that there are surprises around every corner, with galleries, cafes, markets and museums popping up seemingly out of nowhere. The cost of living is also cheap, so it makes for an excellent longer break.
Berlin is an attractive prospect for street food vendors and upmarket restaurateurs the world over due to cheap rents and open-minded citizens. The food offering is diverse and exceptional, and you can find dishes from across the world rubbing shoulders with fine-dining innovations and hearty German fare on the same street.
More traditional Berlin dishes include currywurst (sausage with ketchup and curry powder), schnitzel and pretzels — all fantastic accompaniments to a Berliner Pilsner or Helles lager. The street food classic is the doner kebap: Berlin is the birthplace of the doner, and these are delicious. Don't let the UK version put you off. The falafel is equally excellent if you're vegetarian.
Berlin offers something for everyone, and the Zoo (especially the aquarium) is especially brilliant. The Science Center Spectrum is also very engaging. Visiting for the Spring Festival is an excellent choice.
The cost of living in Berlin is cheaper than most European cities. A meal for two, with drinks, should cost around €40 on average. Travel costs are reasonable, at around a €7 day ticket. Not many museums and galleries are free, but they can be on certain days — so plan ahead. Getting off the tourist track, picnicking and buying street food will save you money. Berlin also has a range of beautiful parks and gardens in which to do this.
Discover more travel guides here.


You're camping at Yosemite. Birds are singing. A raccoon is foraging in a nearby stream. It's just after sunset and a crisp breeze carries the resinous aroma of pine needles. You're kicking back in your lawn chair with a grapefruit soda. You catch the familiar whiff of dankness wafting from a couple of campsites over and breathe deeply. You head over to fetch a beer when you realize the f'ing raccoon raided the cooler.


These chilling reads are sure to get your heart racing.
Stunning illustrations bring these suspenseful stories to life.
Chilling tales of kidnappings, strange vanishings, and more.
The three-time Edgar Award winner introduced psychological thrills to the mystery genre.
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text:
Q: Store information on iphone device I am new to iphone development. In my app, i am using two UITextfield for that registering user ID and password.  These user ID and password should be save on iphone device after entered text in textfield by the user.  is there any idea to do that without database? otherwise how to do that?

A: You'd rather use the Keychain to store the password and Preferences to store user login.
Search for SFHFKeychainUtils.h (Created by Buzz Andersen on 10/20/08) for a class that allows you to perform simple keychain operation (and being able to perform them on the iPhone Simulator).
To store the user login:
NSString *defaultUsername = ...;
[[NSUserDefaults standardUserDefaults] setObject:myUserName forKey:@"myServiceUserName"];

To store the password:
NSError *wsError;
NSString *defaultUsername = ...
if (defaultUsername && [defaultUsername length] != 0) {
    [SFHFKeychainUtils storeUsername:defaultUsername andPassword:pass forServiceName:@"MyService" updateExisting:YES error:&wsError];
    if (wsError != nil) {
        NSLog(@"Could not store password into keychain. Error: %@", [wsError localizedDescription]);
    }
}

A: Have a look at the

iPhone Core Data

you will have to go deep but this is the main used layer for Saving Data as you, in your application future would probably like to save much more.
If you only want to save some settings, here's a quick and easy trick:

*

*Add a Settings Bundle (Resources) File into your project

*Compile & Run the project

*in the iPhone Simulator, open Settings and you will see your application name, dive deep and you'll see that Settings file

The iPhone will do all the UI for you based on that XML file, just search on all possibilities that you can have, if you still need help, post it here :)

A: You can also use SQL Lite database as local device database..


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You may think we're crazy here at Steve Jackson Games, since sometimes we make games where you play as cats competing for your owner's favor, or high school students kidnapping historical figures, or punny fantasy characters questing to become overpowered.
But there is a reason for, like, at least half the things we do.
And the reason we're doing Guest Artist Editions is that the cards in our Munchkin games lend themselves to cool, different illustrations based on who's drawing them.
Illustrator Shane White provided the art for us this time around: The game features the same number of jokes and goblins as the original, but White's weapons, heroes, and monsters give us a fresh take on the pun-fantasy fusion of Munchkin Pathfinder.
Case in point: Munchkin Pathfinder Guest Artist Edition!
Here are a couple comparisons between the John Kovalic art (on the left) and White's new rendition (on the right).
Some of White's visions are similar concepts, with a different style, as you can see with the Red Mantis Assassin. Others are reinterpretations, like the Starscone or the Hobbes Goblin. Still others are of-the-moment visual gags, like the Blog Goblin hipster.
White is well-known for his work on comics including Pathfinder: Goblins!, Bad Karma, and Comic Book Tattoo.
Munchkin Pathfinder Guest Artist Edition is due out in September, so watch for it here and in stores!


Do they teach you English in Bahrain?
i think they teach french....by the way isnt bahrain near japan?
Bahrain is in Middle East.
How are you now? Did you already graduate?
I am doing my 3rd year Chemical Engineering in National Institute of Technology(NIT), Jaipur, Rajasthan, India..
This is Annee Chemical engineer working in Pharmaceutical company in india since last 5 years. I am happy to be part of this forum.
I am a process and product development engineer for a Japanese Plastics company.
We manufacture cross-linked PP/PE foams.
I have previous experience in PU foams.
I graduated from bachelor´s 5 years ago, as a chemical engineer, and from the master´s degree 2 years ago.
I worked in development of new catalytic materials, studying the effect of temperature, pressure, and other constraints in the sintering of supported catalysts, I developed a original model, which is applied very well to Pt/Al2O3 supported catalysts; for the moment, in my job i´m working in the design of a HRSG, and I´m developing the calculation logs for boiler feedwater chemical treatment.
Is there anybody who knows the compositions of the NALCO 7208 reactive?
currently working on design of fluidized gasification plant.
I'm very happy to meet with u all, I'm an Operation Superintendent Engineer in the field of Ammonia process, I like this field so much coz i found and still finding a great experience with a great variety.
Nice to meet u all, Have a nice time.
im ryan, a veryyyyyyyyyyyy average student of nottingham university...and i feeel soooo cooolll being a part of this forum..one of ma friend kept tellin me to come to the forum, but somehow i always postponed it, but now, i needed to surf this place out...tooo much informationnnn hiding insideee hereeeee m8...oh yeah bfre i forget, last year, and im doing a project on distillation column at the moment, which i think i mite be bugging alota you ppll about it soon...!!!
I'm a BS Chemical Engineering graduate from the Philippines. I'm taking my licensure examinations this coming November. Wish me luck!
Harlo everyone, i'm coming, currently --> Process and Chemical Engineer... Sorry for poor english too..
I'm very happy to meet with u all, I am a Chinese,I'm an engineer in the field of simulation of chemical engineering.My interest is thermodynamcis.


Women wing of the Pentecostal Fellowship of Nigeria (PFN) has said that in spite of the challenges witnessed in the Country, it was optimistic about a prosperous nation that would be an envy of all, while urging all to seek the face of God through prayers for intervention.
Pastor Theodora Abiola Omobude, the National Chairperson of the Nigeria Pentecostal Fellowship (PFN Women wing) spoke over the weekend at the end of its National Conference held at the Throneroom Trust Ministries in Kafanchan, Kaduna state.
Pastor Omobude said the Women wing of PFN was resolute in seeking God's face to intervene and bring to bare the aspirations of Nigerians in the face of what seem as difficult times.
Pst. Omobude there was a urgent need for the nation to cry out to God as He was the only one that could guarantee the desired change Nigeria clamored for.
"The Women Wing of PFN is not comfortable with the heated national polity and grumbling would not bring the solution.
"We must come together and cry out to God for mercy for our nation to experience God's devin intervention," she said.
She said the PFN was not unaware of the concerns of the church especially in Kaduna state and urged the people to remain vervent in prayers for peace explaining that, "the Government of Nigeria is seated on God's shoulders".
The Clergy then urged women whom she describes as pillars of the home to assume their rightful place in the discharge of their God-given responsibilities, adding, "when the family and homes are formidable, it would translate to the larger spectrum thus, a prosperous nation".
Also speaking at the event, Pastor Martha Kure, PFN Women Wing National Secretary and wife of the Overseer of Throneroom Trust Ministries, challenged women to wake up to their responsibility in training their children in Godly ways to stem insurgency.
"As mothers, we must not get too busy to instil Godly virtues in our children so tat they do not fall prey to be used by the enemy," she said.
In a message delivered by one of the guest speakers, Rev. Mrs Comfort Okah Coordinator of the South-South zone on Investing in Children, admonished women especially mothers to instil the fear of God and education in their children adding that the effort would go along way in building a healthy nation.
"We must endeavor to work on the lives of our children so that they can have a better tomorrow," she said.
In another message by Dr Mrs Nkiru Azike, PFN Women wing National Protocol Co-ordinator noted that Nigeria was in a state of emergency and urged women who she described as leaders to wake up and give to prayers to salvage the nation.
Other speakers who spoke during the conference included,Pst. Mrs Folu Adeboye, wife if the General Overseer of the Redeemed Christian Church of Nigeria, Rev. Mrs Odioko, and Bishop Anaba.
The event which attracted representatives of PFN Women wing from across the nation also witnessed song rendition and special prayers for the peace of the nation and for leaders at all levels of governance.


text:
Risks of outsourcing highlighted again
Even when they do go through, almost two-thirds of outsourcing deals fail, according to recent figures
By Andy McCue | July 26, 2005 -- 16:25 GMT (09:25 PDT) | Topic: Networking
Almost two-thirds of outsourcing deals are failing because organisations are only paying lip-service to the small print in the rush to make cost savings, according to new figures.
The statistics, provided exclusively to ZDNet UK sister site silicon.com by management and outsourcing consultancy Compass, reveal that around 59 percent of all outsourcing contracts fail.
Governance problems are the main issue and cited as the reason for failure in 80 percent of those contracts. Andy Chestnutt, MD of Compass Management Consultancy, said that businesses are still failing to properly address the relationship with the supplier, cultural differences and contract management.
"In the frenzy to make cost savings, companies are only paying lip service to governance and often adopt a policy of 'we'll agree to agree later on' when signing contracts," he said.
Despite the high level of failures and the high-profile moves by the likes of JP Morgan and Prudential to bring their IT back in-house the amount of 'insourcing' activity is still relatively low at about 5 percent.
Yet the headline figures show that the potential savings from insourcing a failed outsourcing contract can be as high as 20 to 30 percent — when both the size of the retained IT organisation required to manage the contract and the profit margin taken by the vendor are taken into account.
But Chestnutt said this attractive headline figure for insourcing comes with a large health warning given the trauma and effort required to manage such an exercise.
"Along with the effort needed to bring it back in-house there will be an impact on the books and there are a whole load of other pitfalls that don't make it as attractive a proposition," he said.
The Compass figures are compiled from the consultancy's historical database of thousands of real-life IT outsourcing contracts.
More from Andy McCue
Securing your business--what to invest in
Five ways to make meetings bearable
IBM to open Scottish datacentre for SMEs
How to get more out of your BlackBerry


As We pay homage to our history and beginnings, On May 19th FreaksMas presents our concept for Labor Day 2019 .
Since the 18th century Carnival has been based on the exhibition of several characters. A few of these characters has evolved through time like The Dame Lorraine, The Jab Jab, The Burrokeet, The Midnight Robber, The Minstrels, The Pierrot, The Old Sailors, The Fancy Sailors and The Moko- Jumbies! These characters were always on full display the Monday before lent. Which we now call Carnival Monday. The only Monday masqueraders and revelers look forward to. .
Si la sangre hiede vengo herido.
Deez Nutz !!! Got Em !!! Ha.
Faktanya, 70% tubuh kita terdiri dari air. Bukan tanda lagi, tapi emang air itu penting dan vital bagi kesehatan tubuh.
Apabila tubuh kekurangan air, tubuh akan mencari alternatif cairan lain dalam tubuh sehingga jika dibiarkan ada dalam keadaan dehidrasi malah bisa menyebabkan beberapa penyakit datang.
Nah untuk itu, mari awali hari dengan minum 2-3 gelas aja dulu. Nanti minum lagi dan lagi.
Cultivating a consistent energy clearing has become essential to my everyday wellbeing & lifestyle practice. I believe by being flexible in our bodies we too can become more mobile in our minds and in everyday life. Being able to ebb and flow with life's situations and circumstances. Even when we have a plan let's be honest "anything can happen" and we can cultivate trust in ourselves and become flexible with detaching from the exact outcomes in which we plan for, knowing every lesson is a part of the growth-mindet journey. I don't believe growth to be a linear process rather it's to expand our knowledge, wisdom and consciousness. And in order to do so, what we can practice is flexibility, mobility and expansion with our bodies. .
I am learning to open my mind & heart to all the possibilities & miracles of life even in the most challenging poses that may cause discomfort. Not by forcing but by flowing, breathing and learning into spaces I may have never known myself to explore before. .
We can learn so much, about life by connecting with our bodies... and cultivate ways to create space, using our bodies to allow room to receive all that we ask for. The answers are their to be recieved, and we are all truly supported. May movement inspired you to move in the direction of your hearts desires. Knowing you too, can hold space and trust yourself. .
Through every pose, circumstance + situation. We've got this. Through a practice of presence > perfection. .
Starting to make plans for the weekend and very much leaning toward a camping weekend. ⛺ Weather is looking pretty primo. What do y'all have planned?
♥О добром сердце ♥ Вот она oсобенность людей с добрыми сердцами. Они додумывают тебе оправдания, даже когда ты не объясняешься сам. Они принимают извинения, которые ты им не приносишь. Они видят в тебе только лучшее, даже когда ты не нуждаешься в этом. В самые темные часы, они подбадривают тебя, даже если это значит, что им придется ставить себя на второй план. Словосочетания «я занят» не существует в их словаре. Они всегда найдут для тебя время, даже кoгда этого не сделаешь ты.
И ты задаешься вопросом, почему они так чувствительны. Ты задаешься вопросом, почему они так заботятся. Ты задаешься вопросом, пoчему они стремятся отдать так много себя, не ожидая ничего в ответ. Ты задаешься вопросом, почему их существование не имеет такого большого значения для других. Это потому, что они не заставляют тебя добиваться их внимания. Они принимают любовь, кoторую, как им кажется, они заслужили. И ты принимаешь любовь, которую, как тебе кажется, ты заслуживаешь. Позволь мне сказать тебе кое-что.
Бойся того дня, когда доброе сердце откажется от тебя. Небо над нашими головами не становится серыми без причины. Сердце не превращается в лед, если до этого с ним не обращались с холодом.
Spotlight com mix de nuances douradas + caramelo 🎨✨💫🍂 .


text:
Benefit Seen for Intensive Statins in Acute Coronary Syndrome
WASHINGTON -- Accentuate the statins soon after hospitalization for acute coronary syndrome to reduce the two-year risk of death and cardiovascular events, according to a meta-analysis.
WASHINGTON, Sept. 26 -- Accentuate the statins within two weeks of hospitalization for acute coronary syndrome to reduce the two-year risk of death and cardiovascular events, according to a meta-analysis.
Early, intensive statins after acute coronary syndrome reduced the risk of adverse coronary event by about 20% over two years with a hazard ratio of 0.81 for death and cardiovascular events overall, reported Eddie Hulten, M.D., M.P.H., of the Walter Reed Army Medical Center here in the Sept. 25 issue of Archives of Internal Medicine.
While previous data have been inconsistent in showing a short-term benefit to early, intensive statins after acute coronary syndrome, the pooled analysis of 13 randomized, controlled trials indicated that the death and cardiovascular event benefit began at four months and reached statistical significance by one year.
The risk of cardiovascular events overall decreased significantly compared to controls by six months after the initial acute coronary syndrome (HR 0.76, 95% confidence interval 0.70 to 0.84). This effect persisted with an overall pooled hazard ratio for the entire 24 months of 0.84 (95% CI 0.76 to 0.94).
However, the rate of myocardial infarction was not improved by early, intensive statin use (HR, 0.89, 95% CI 0.60 to 1.33), which was unexpected.
"We would have expected that for statins to have benefits with regard to all-cause mortality, the intervention should likewise have reduced the rate of recurrent MI," wrote Dr. Hulten and colleagues.
Cardiovascular death was reduced in a subgroup analysis (HR 0.76, 95% CI 0.66 to 0.87) as was ischemia (HR 0.68, 95% CI 0.50 to 0.92), both of which began at four months and continued with relatively stable hazard ratios out to two years.
The trials used 80 mg of Lipitor (atorvastatin), which appeared to have the best evidence of benefit, as well as 20 mg of Lipitor, 40 mg of Pravachol (pravastatin), 80 mg of Lescol (fluvistatin), and 80 mg of Zocor (simvastatin). These were compared with placebo in nine trials, placebo then a lower dose of statin in one trial, a lower dose of statin in one trial, and usual care at the physician's discretion in two trials. The average age of the 17,963 participants was 60 and 76% were male.
Safety data showed comparable tolerability for intensive statins and the control arms. Only three cases of rhabdomyolysis were reported, all of which were on high dose Zocor. Two trials revealed slightly higher rates of hepatitis in the intense statin arms compared with controls (3.3% and 2.5% versus 1.1% and 0.6%).
That most of the benefits began at four months may not be surprising, the authors noted, because statins suggested effect on plaque stabilization may take several months to achieve.
The early, intense statin groups had a significantly greater reduction in low density lipoprotein cholesterol levels compared with controls (mean 34 mg/dL reduction versus 6 mg/dL, P<0.001). However, "there is no significant evidence that reduction in LDL-C level explains these beneficial effects," the investigators wrote.
They said a pooled analysis using patient-level data should be done for these trials to confirm these results and explore possible sources of heterogeneity.
The American College of Cardiology guidelines recommend initiating statins for patients with acute coronary syndrome and high LDL-C levels, but do not recommend early, intense statins for all acute coronary syndrome patients.
Cholesterol Disorders


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How to object to a planning application and how to make a planning application, details of heritage and conservation areas in East Herts and our planning policy.
All new applications received by the Council are available for viewing on the Council's Public Access system. This is a simple way of keeping up-to-date with the progress of an application or viewing application decisions. You can make a comment or an objection on an application using the online system.
As part of our planning service we provide advice on development proposals in advance of the formal planning or related application.
Our Building Control service is managed by Hertfordshire Building Control (HBC) who provide a complete local authority statutory building control approval service across Hertfordshire.


A crew of three men, a woman and a dog were rescued by the US Coast Guard on Christmas Eve when their 53ft Wharram catamaran Nootka Dancer reportedly broke in half off Jacksonville, Florida.
The distress was put out at 1953 on 24 December. The Coast Guard launched a 25ft response boat to the yacht's location some two miles east of Talbot Island, and a casino boat in the area also volunteered to come to the yacht crew's aid.
As the catamaran broke up, the four crew of the yacht abandoned to a liferaft, and it was from this that they – and the dog – were rescued at 2015. The response time was incredibly quick, with the crew being rescued less than half an hour after asking for help.
The yacht, Nootka Dancer, is a bluewater cruiser designed by British catamaran pioneer James Wharram, built 23 years ago and modified by Canadian sailor John Eisen for heavier displacement to accommodate the extra gear and systems he wished to incorporate, and the boat sported an Aerorig freestanding rig.


text:
Howie & Jia
Op-Eds and Policy Papers
× Page Link Page Link Page Link Page Link
Howie Hawkins and Ramon Jimenez Call for Clemency for Nonviolent Drug Offenders and Legalization of Marijuana
Posted: October 10, 2014 8:22 PM
(New York City) — Howie Hawkins and the Green Party are calling for clemency for nonviolent drug offenders and the legalization of drugs starting with marijuana, as part of the gubernatorial campaign's criminal justice reform platform.
"It's time to free the prisoners of the war on drugs," declared Green Party governor candidate Howie Hawkins as he and the party's attorney general candidate and Bronx-based people's lawyer Ramon Jimenez spoke in front of Manhattan Criminal Court. "Clemency for nonviolent drug offenders and legalization are two key steps towards the necessity of turning back the New Jim Crow and ending mass incarceration."
"We need clemency for non violent drug offenders in New York State," Hawkins said. "The misguided war on drugs is so fraught with racial bias that it has put a debilitating lifelong stigma on a large percentage of communities of color. That is why we need clemency, and expungement of these records now."
"Every aspect of the criminal justice system has to be questioned. And we need to start with the damage that unjust drug arrests have brought upon those swept up by the unconstitutional stop and frisk madness of the Bloomberg/Kelly Years," Ramon Jimenez said. "We're talking about hundreds of thousands of people, mostly youths, who have been victims of the war on drugs in New York. Without expungement these unjust arrests impede the ability to go to school, get financial aid and even having somewhere to live."
A hugely disproportionate number of drug arrests are from the African American and Latino communities. Blacks and whites use illegal drugs at the same rates, but black men are 11 times more likely than white men to be incarcerated for a drug offense in New York State. 18% of the state population is black, but 68% of the drug admissions to prison are black. 18% of the state population is Latino, but 26% of drug admissions to prison are Latino. African-Americans and Latinos comprise over 94% of the drug offenders in New York State prisons.
"It is long past time to reform the criminal justice system and to treat drug abuse as a health issue, not a criminal problem," said Hawkins. "The drug policy is destroying lives and communities. We must stop discriminating against individuals once they are released from jail in terms of their employment and their ability to obtain public benefits such as public housing and discrimination in employment. We must enact a 'Ban the Box' law to stop the practice of automatically disqualifying qualified job applicants because of criminal records."
Besides calling for clemency, legalization and expungement of records Hawkins and Jimenez want to see the appointment of a Truth, Justice, and Reconciliation Commission charged with examining and addressing the impact of the War on Drugs and Mass Incarceration in New York State, including the devastating and lingering impact on people and communities of color. The Commission would assess the impact, hear from the people affected, and recommend policies to end mass incarceration and repair its damages.
Ready for the next step?
Search Howie's website and previous campaign archives here:
Howie Hawkins for Governor
About Howie
Hawkins for Governor 2018 t: 917-825-3562


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TXD2-2M-5V Nais TX-D relay. High insulation relay (conforming to the supplementary insulastion class of EN standard (EN41003)). 2 form D. M.B.B. type. Single side stable. Standard PC board terminal. Coil rating 5 V DC.
TXS2-L2-9V Nais TX-S relay. Small polarized relay with high sensitivity 50 mW. Standard PC board terminal type. 2 coil latching. Nominal voltage 9 V DC. Tube packing.
ADJ23048 Nais DJ-relay. 16A, compact and high-insulation power latching relay. Coil voltage 48 V DC. 1 form A. 2 coil latching type. Flux-resistant type. Without test button.
DK2A-12V Nais DK-relay. Miniature power relay. Nominal voltage 12 V DC. 2 form A. Single side stable.
HC4DH-DC24V Nais HC-relay. Miniature relay for wide applications. 4 form C. Coil voltage 24 V DC. Plug-in . Bifurcated contact type.
TXS2-H-4.5V-Z Nais TX-S relay. Small polarized relay with high sensitivity 50 mW. Self-clinching terminal type. Single side stable. Nominal voltage 4.5 V DC. Tape and reel packing.
AGN210A1HZ Nais GN-relay. Ultra-small package slim polarized relay. Coil voltage 1.5 V DC. 2 form C. 1 coil latching. Surface-mount terminal A type. Tape and reel packing.
TF2-24V Nais TF-relay. Small polarized relay with high sensitivity. 2 form C. Single side stable. Standard PC board terminal. Nominal voltage 24 V DC.
JA1A-TM-AC12V-P Nais JA-relay. 1 horse-power compact power relay. 1 form A. Coil voltage 12 V AC. Solder terminal. Up-grated contact rating type.
HC2E-HP-AC240V Nais Amber HCE-relay. Miniature relay for wide applications. 2 form C. Coil voltage 240 V AC. PC board terminal. Standard type.
HE1AN-S-AC24V Nais HE-relay. TV-15, 30 AMP power relay. AC type. 1 form A. Screw terminal. Nominal voltage 24 V AC.
ALE15F18 Nais LE relay. 16A power relay for micro wave oven. Coil voltage 18 V DC. Class F. Standard type. 1 form A. PCB type (no tab terminals).
TQ2SL-9V-Z Nais TQ-SMD relay. Low-profile surface-mount relay. Coil voltage 9 V DC. 2 form C. Single side stable. High connection reliability surface-mount terminal. Tape and reel packing (picked from 6/7/8/9/10-pin side).
HG3-AC115V Nais HG-relay. 20 Amp power relay. AC type. 3 form C. Nominal coil voltage 115 V DC.
TN2-L2-H-5V Nais TN-relay. Slim polarized relay. 2 form C. 2 coil latching. Self-clinching terminal. Nominal voltage 5 V DC.
HC2HP-DC48V Nais HC-relay. Miniature relay for wide applications. 2 form C. Coil voltage 48 V DC. PC board terminal. Standard type.
JQ1AP-12V Nais JQ-relay. High electrical and mechanical noise immunity relay. 1 form A. Coil voltage 12 V DC. High contact capacity. Class E coil insulation.
ARJ2024 Nais RJ-relay. SMD relays with 8 GHz capabilities. 2 form C. Standard PC board terminal. Single side stable. Coil rating 24 V DC. Nominal operating power 200 mW.


What do you think of when you think of summer? For many of us, it's warmer temperatures, longer days, and time to finally get out doors and start enjoying life. Even more than that, it's time spent with dear family and friends - those special moments to cherish for a lifetime. Join us for this broadcast of Simply Timeless as we feature the "Songs of Summer."